Stephanie paused outside of the gallery, her hand on the door. Instead of pulling it open like I thought she was going to, she spun around to face me. “I just realized something. Charlie wasn’t Prince Charming. Jake is.”
As we’d walked down the sidewalk, I’d been gushing about Jake, telling her all about how great he was and how much fun I’d been having with him lately. I should’ve known better.
“Don’t do that,” I said. “I don’t want to think about my stupid case studies right now.” I simply wanted to enjoy being with a guy who made me happy and not worry about the future or how he tied in to all my past exes.
“But think about it. You lost your shoe at the restaurant and you went dancing together. He cares about your job. He’s not deterred when you try to push him away. He’s totally Prince Charming.”
“The whole point of putting those case studies together was to prove that there is no Prince Charming. Fairy tales and real life are nothing alike.”
“Yeah, real life’s harder, blah, blah, blah.” Steph crossed her arms and raised a challenging eyebrow. “You’re just too scared to see if you’re wrong. Because it means putting yourself out there again.”
I thought about last night, how Jake had said he wanted to tell me something. I went back and forth on whether I should’ve let him tell me. If I could handle it. It was getting harder and harder to live life halfway with him, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hold back anymore. I was too stubborn to admit she was the tiniest bit right, though, so I changed the subject. “Time crunch, remember? Patricia’s been commenting on how long my lunches are.”
“You normally love your work,” Stephanie said. “Maybe Jake’s right about you branching off on your own.”
“Maybe. But right now, I’ve got to focus on this job. After we get your vases. Because nothing’s as important as your wedding.”
Smiling, Steph nodded. “That’s right.”
Mission accomplished. When desperate for a distraction, the wedding’s always a winner.She pulled the door open and we headed back to Tina’s display room. Tina was talking to a woman in the corner, explaining the inspiration behind one of her larger pieces.
A red-and-blue heart sculpture that looked partway melted caught my eye. “I think I need this to remind myself that heartbreak—or heart melt—is inevitable.”
“Phfft. Like you need a reminder to be Debbie Downer,” Steph said.
Tina invited the woman to look around, then walked up to Stephanie and me. “Come on back and I’ll show you the vases before we pack them up.”
“I can’t thank you enough for doing this last minute,” I said.
Stephanie and I followed Tina through a small door. The walk-in closet had that stuffy smell that comes from lack of fresh air. Various glass pieces dotted the shelves and the heart vases sat on a desk.
Steph picked one up and studied it. “They’re even prettier than the vases I special ordered.” The three of us started bubble wrapping and placing them into little square cardboard places in the box. “Do you have your maid of honor speech prepared yet?”
I ripped off a sheet of bubble wrap. “Not yet.”
“You’re not going to say anything anti-marriage or anti-love, right?”
“Do you really have to ask?”
Steph raised her eyebrows, answering by not answering.
I scowled at her. “I’m not that bad. You know I want everything to go right for you on your big day. I’m sure I’ll find something great to say about love and the institution of marriage.”
Tina tucked the last vase inside the box, then straightened and stared at me. “I keep going back and forth on whether I should say something, but I can’t help myself. I’ve always been a loudmouth.”
I leaned against the table, waiting for whatever she was going to say.
“Jake could have his pick of nice girls, but for some reason, he always chooses girls who don’t appreciate him,” Tina said. “You know I like you. I think you’re funny, and you’ve been really great for my business. I just don’t think you’re good for Jake.”
Stunned would be an understatement. Stephanie stood there next to me, mouth hanging open, eyes wide, and I was sure my expression matched—if not surpassed—hers.
Tina lifted her chin, her jaw set. “Jake and I have been friends for a long time. He’s a great guy, and I feel like you’re messing with him. And he’ll let you because he likes you.”
I took a deep breath to steady my voice. “I’m not trying to mess with him. I told him from the beginning that I don’t do the big relationship thing. Maybe that doesn’t make sense to you or to him or to anyone. But this is who I am, and he says he’s okay with it.”
“He says that, but he’s lying. Lying to himself. I’m not going to give the whole ‘if you hurt him’ speech. All I’m saying is that if you really don’t think there’s something there, you shouldn’t waste any more of his time.”
Needless to say, things were a little weird after Tina’s speech. It was a relief when Steph and I finally made it back to my car. Steph stuck the box filled with her vases in the backseat, eased the door closed, and put a hand on my shoulder. “I totally get it. I’ve watched you get hurt over and over again.” Her eyes met mine. “But what if this time really is different? I don’t think you should dump him because of what Tina said. You’re not wasting his time.”
I bit my lip. “Despite my best efforts, I’m afraid I’m already too attached. I even tried to pull away, but it didn’t work. If I don’t have a good reason, I’ll just get sucked back in.” I leaned against my car, trying to figure out what I was going to do. “I need to find that thing that’ll eventually break us apart before I end up repeating all my past mistakes.”
“Just take him to meet Drew and Devin,” Stephanie said with a smile. “Those boys always cause fights between you and your boyfriends.”
I stared at her for a moment. Hadn’t I just rehashed how much conflict Robert and my clashing over our families had caused? “You’re right. I’ve got to put him through the real test before letting my guard down.”
Stephanie put her hands on my shoulders. “Darby, I was kidding. Don’t you have a rule about not taking a guy home until you absolutely have to?”
“I’ve already been breaking all the rules.” I shrugged. “What’s one more?”
…
Jake invited me to “come on in.”
His giant flat-screen TV was tuned to the Yankees game. One of the players spit, and with the hugeness and the high-defness, I saw—way too clearly—a leftover bubble of saliva on his lip.
“You’ve really got to be committed to be a baseball fan,” I said, sitting next to him on the couch. “There’s a game on, like, every night.”
“This one’s pretty much over.” Jake picked up the remote, hovered his finger over the power button, and watched the next play.
“Go ahead and watch it. You just owe me dessert afterward.”
Jake set his hand on my thigh and squeezed. “You’re awesome, you know that?”
I smiled at him. “I know.”
All through the game, I chewed on my fingernail, going back and forth on my plan to take Jake home with me. Earlier today I’d been so sure; now I was wondering if I was ready for this casual, easy fun to end.
But Tina thinks I’m wasting his time. And maybe I am. I took in his profile, the stubble on his chin, how his eyes had a hint of green, since he was wearing black today. Who am I kidding? We already passed the casual stage. It’s time for the make-or-break one.
When the game was over, I picked up the remote—just to see how much I could get away with. Jake didn’t rip it out of my hands; he didn’t even say anything about it. Divine Design was on the HGTV channel, so I stopped there, waiting for the protests.
Jake didn’t protest. He started kissing my neck, then trailed kisses along my jaw. After that, I didn’t care what was on television anyway. Within a few minutes we ended up horizontal on the couch. The weight of his body made me feel secure and dizzy, all at the same time. Still, he didn’t seem close enough. I hooked my leg over his, bringing our bodies together. Delicious heat wound through me. His tongue rolled over mine.
I arched into him and shockwaves shot through my core. He moaned and slid his hands up my shirt. His fingers brushed the bottom of my bra. One more inch and this was happening—I’d never be able to stop.
Shit, shit, shit!
I pressed my hand to his chest, pushing him back. “I think…I think we better slow down.” Closing my eyes, I blew out my breath. My rules about sex had been in place long before I typed up my case studies. I only crossed that line when I was sure I was ready for the next step, and I didn’t plan on breaking that for anyone.
I opened my eyes, bracing for the anger or for him telling me I was a tease or worse—I’d gotten it before. When it came to sex, women were called a prude, a tease, or a slut. No in between and nothing flattering. No good job, you’ve waited the perfect amount of time and had the exact right number of partners.
Jake leaned his forehead on my shoulder and I could feel his breath coming in and out against my skin.
“Sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t have let it get that far.”
“I just…need a minute.” He took a couple more deep breaths, lifted his head, and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, then slowly sat back up, pulling me with him.
I straightened my shirt, unable to look at him.
He cupped my chin and gently turned my face toward his. “I’ll wait.”
For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why he would. No doubt he’d be able to find another woman willing to go all the way. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to just say screw it, do my best to not think about what would happen afterward, and finish what we started. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t me, and I still wasn’t willing to put my heart out there that much quite yet. “I just can’t… Not until…”
“I’ll wait,” he repeated.
Tina’s words ran though my head again: If you really don’t think there’s something there, you shouldn’t waste any more of his time.
There’s definitely something, I thought. But I’m not sure if it’s enough. Or if I can really do this to myself again. I leaned into his chest and inhaled his familiar musky and woodsy-smelling cologne. Time to put him to the real test.
“I was wondering…” I almost chickened out. But then I thought about how close I’d been to ignoring my rules a moment ago and charged on with it. “My stepdad’s birthday is on Sunday, so I’m going to Longmont.” I glanced up, looking into his eyes. “I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.”
A smile spread across his face, sending a pang of guilt through my gut. “Really? You want me to meet your family.”
Is it too late to take it back?
“You don’t have to. The ranch is kind of in the middle of nowhere. I’ve just got to drive over and—”
“I’ll go.”
The guilt running through me deepened as I stared at him.
He doesn’t stand a chance.