Cinderella Screwed Me Over

Chapter Nine

“Tell me everything,” Steph said, stepping into my place. She’d brought a box of doughnuts to keep us sugared up for all the wedding-planning stuff we had to go over.

“I’ve got a ton of work to do and my computer keeps acting up. I’m about to throw it out the window.”

“When I said everything, I meant about Jake.”

I sat on my couch, closed my temperamental laptop, and set it off to the side. “I told you everything over the phone. We had a fun time, quick kiss, that’s it.”

“Yeah, but did he say he’d call?”

“Actually, he doesn’t have my number.” I opened the box she’d placed on my coffee table and selected a cinnamon-swirled pastry. “It doesn’t matter, though, because I was about to tell him we couldn’t be more than friends. Had he said anything about calling, I would’ve told him it wasn’t a good idea.”

Stephanie plunked her giant wedding-planner binder next to the box of doughnuts, selected a maple one out of the box, and sat back on my couch. Her red shirt matched the color of my couch so well, everything but her head and arms disappeared. “How can you just blow him off like that? You said you had a good time.”

“You, of all people, know why. Now let’s get started.”

“Since Anthony’s aunts are in a fight now, I have to redo the whole seating chart again and it’s a mess.” Steph sat up and flipped open her book. “Here you are. Ooh, look at my little pink friend Darby. And there’s still an empty seat next to you in case you want to invite Jake.”

“I’m not going to invite Jake. Wedding dates are the worst.” Before she could argue, like I could see she was going to, I said, “Need I remind you what happened last time I took a date to a wedding?”

Steph’s lip curled. “Okay, so it was bad.” She scooted forward. “But that was totally different. You know Jake. Is inviting him really worse than having everyone looking at you all sad because you don’t have a date to your best friend’s wedding?”

Honestly, Steph’s wedding was going to be a hard day for me. I was worried I would lose my best friend, and even more worried she’d eventually get her heart trampled beyond repair. Once there were joint mortgages and bank accounts and that marriage certificate involved, breaking up wasn’t just a cry fest with a side of calorie binging. It was unwinding your entire life from his, one painful string at a time. But I was working on keeping from blurting out those kinds of thoughts, so I went with something else that was also true. “I’d rather be there alone, than be on a date that could go down in flames during one of your big moments.”

“I remember back when Jimmy Delfino dumped me and I was the pessimist. You kept insisting I’d meet someone better, pushing me to date all those other guys so I could find my true love. Now I have, and you’re the one who doesn’t believe in it.”

“That’s because I hadn’t broken free of the brainwashing yet. And better than Jimmy Delfino wasn’t really hard to find. He was an awful boyfriend.”

“He was pretty awful.” Stephanie looked at me, and I had the feeling she wanted me to tell her it would be different with Anthony. I’d decided to support her in her decision, but false assurances weren’t my thing. For one, she’d see through it. So in the end, I turned to the wedding-planning book and acted really interested.

Stephanie moved a few figures on the seating chart around. “I’ll keep you next to Drew and his plus one, Dwight and your mom, and Devin and Anne, in case you end up solo. But I still believe you’ll find the right guy. And you never know. Maybe you already have.” She gave me her no-nonsense glare. “Promise me you’ll give Jake a chance.”

I wiped my hands together, trying to get the glaze off my fingers. Apparently, I was going to have to say something. What was with everyone pushing me to open up lately? “Steph, I’m glad you found Anthony. I really am. I’m glad you’ve worked things out with his mom, even though she constantly pushes her way into you and Anthony’s business.”

“She just loves her son and is having a hard time letting go.”

“See, you look for the good in everybody. I used to do that and I got knocked down over and over again. I just don’t think I can pick myself up anymore. It’s one thing to get over the jerks—they shook my trust, hurt me, and made me feel like crap—but I could see them for what they were afterward. It’s another thing altogether to get over the good ones.”

“And you’re afraid Jake might be one of the good ones?”

I stared at Steph, not sure what to say to that. So far, everything about Jake was great. But seriously, it had only been a little more than a week since I’d met him. I didn’t know anything about him. I did know that knowing stuff only got you in deeper.

“How long have we been friends?” Stephanie asked.

“Since the middle of junior year when you moved in and I discovered girls could actually be cool.”

“I am the coolest,” Steph said with a smile. “That’s been fourteen years now—Wow, we’re getting old.”

I frowned. “Hey, speak for yourself.”

“Anyway, I know you better than anyone. Your family might come close, but I’d still say I have them beat. My point is, I only want the best for you. Laying out our horrible relationships was therapeutic—after that I decided to stop going for the bad boys. It’s why I gave Anthony a chance.” The dreamy look Stephanie got whenever she was thinking about her fiancé crossed her features. “And look what happened. I’m about to get married to a guy I’m crazy about. Instead of using your case studies as a guide, you decided to stop believing in love. Now you won’t even give Jake a chance, just because he has one tiny thing in common with Evan.”

“You haven’t even met Jake,” I said. “What makes you so insistent on me giving him a chance?”

“Because he’s all you’ve talked about since you met him. And when it comes to you, that’s saying something.”

…

For a week, Jake had been everywhere. After our date, he was nowhere. Nowhere I was, anyway. Monday came and went. Tuesday. Wednesday. On Thursday, I was starting to think he must be going out of his way to avoid me.

I sat in front of my computer at work and played with my design software, clicking paint colors and moving digital appliances.

Kathy, our receptionist, called me on my intercom. “Stephanie’s here.”

I picked up my phone’s receiver. “Send her on back.”

A minute later, Steph walked into my office. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and her features were pinched. Then the tears broke free.

I stood, alarm pumping through my veins. “What happened?” I asked, even though I was sure Anthony had done something horrible. I was going to kill him.

“It’s stupid, I know. I can’t believe I’m getting so emotional over it, but after planning and planning…” Steph flopped into the chair opposite my desk and sniffed. “They’re broken. Five of them are broken, and they can’t send more because everything’s on back order for three months. There’s no way we’d get them in time for the wedding.”

The tension in my body eased. Anthony was safe. For now. “What’s broken?”

“My centerpieces.”

“The pink heart vases?”

Steph fell forward, putting her head into her hands. “Yes. The florist called to tell me they got the shipment and that some of them broke during shipping. She argued with the company, I argued with them. They gave me a big discount, so I thought I could fix it. But I’ve been all over the city and no one even has heart vases.”

“No one’s going to notice the vases aren’t the same,” I said. “We’ll find some that look nice. It’ll just give your tables variety.”

“Anthony and I had a big argument last night, too. I told him his mom was overstepping a little bit, changing things without talking to me, and he got upset because she’s just trying to help.” Stephanie wiped a few tears. “Go ahead and say it. Tell me you saw it coming.”

Now that she was asking me to say it, I couldn’t. Not when she already looked so crushed. I stepped around the front of my desk and sat down on the edge of it, choosing to focus on the other problem first. “We’ll fix this. Let’s go get something to eat and we’ll figure it all out. We’ll write everything down in an organized list and you’ll feel better.” And my boss will probably have a fit if she finds out I’m away from my desk, even though I’m caught up, but that’s just too bad, because this is an emergency bride situation.

Stephanie got out a tissue and wiped her nose. “Okay. You want to go to Blue?”

“No way.”

“Come on. We can feel him out. It’ll help me get my mind off my problems.”

“I already know what happened. We went out, he decided I’m not that cool, so he’s avoiding me. It saves me a lot of trouble, actually. Things will be a little strange when I bump into him, but it won’t be horrible. Not like if we’d done a big, full-blown relationship.” I grabbed my purse. “That said, I’m not ready to face him yet. I’m in the mood for Mexican food anyway.”

…

After eating food swimming in chili sauce and cheese, Steph and I started on the wedding problems. I wrote down all the places I could think of that might have workable vases. The heart-shaped ones she’d special ordered were pink-and-white swirled glass. Because they had to be tall enough to hold the cherry blossoms, they were an uncommon size.

With everything else that was going to be on the tables at the reception, I doubted anyone would notice if some of the vases weren’t exactly the same. It would bother Stephanie, but she’d probably be distracted enough with everything else going on to get over it.

Then again, her expression said it was the end of the world, so maybe not.

Anthony called as I was finishing up my list. A few minutes into their conversation, they were saying things like, “No, I’m sorry,” and “I love you so much.” All the makeup stuff couples say. No matter how cynical and pessimistic I was, I really did think Stephanie and Anthony went well together. I knew they’d be back to hourly phone calls by the time Steph and I figured out what to do about her vases.

My phone rang and I answered it. Mrs. Crabtree told me how much she loved the sculpture I’d picked out for her bathroom, which gave me an idea for Steph’s problem.

When Steph and I finished our respective phone calls, I tore off the list of places and shoved the paper in my purse. “I’ve got an idea. I’m not sure what it’ll cost or if she’ll do it, but we can try.”

Twenty minutes later, Stephanie and I were in the gallery where Tina’s artwork was on display. “Good to see you again.” Tina looked from me to Stephanie. “Whoa. I can tell you guys are sisters. You look so much alike.”

“We’re not, actually.” Stephanie draped her arm over my shoulders. “I consider her the sister I never had, though.”

I quickly explained the situation to Tina, and asked her if she’d be offended at the idea of creating similar-looking vases for Steph—I knew some artists considered recreating someone else’s work for money selling out. “It’s six weeks away, and we need five vases.”

Tina studied the picture. “Like yea big”—she held out her hands—“with a skinny hole to place the cherry blossoms?”

“Exactly.”

“No worries. You front me the money to get the supplies, and I can have them done in a few weeks.”

“Really?” Stephanie shrieked. “That’s just the best news!” She pulled me into a hug. “You’re the best! You don’t even believe in marriage and you’re still fixing mine.”

“I’m fixing your reception,” I said. “You’re going to have to do all the work on the marriage.”

“Don’t ruin my mood, Darby. Everything’s perfect and I’m happy.” Steph jostled me. “Just be happy with me.”

I smiled and acted excited, too. I’d learned to never argue with a bride before her wedding.

Rapunzel Case Study: Ralph/The Prince

My Age: 23

There are several princes who remain unnamed in fairy tales. It’s like all they had to do was be a prince to make the girl happy. Sometimes, though, if you get desperate enough, anyone will do. I’m sure Rapunzel felt that way. When you’ve been locked in a tower all your life, you take what you can get.

I hadn’t been locked in a tower, but I’d landed point on my first account. I threw myself into my work to make sure I didn’t screw it up. I hardly left my office; my hair was long and ratty because I was in desperate need of a trim. On top of everything else, I was trying to help Mom as she helped Devin and his fiancée, Anne, plan their wedding.

After dating Anne all through college, Devin asked her to marry him. Back when they’d first started planning the wedding, I’d been dating Charlie, so I’d sent back the RSVP card for both of us. I guess Anne and Devin never got the memo about my breakup.

When I informed Anne the Saturday before her wedding that I was going to be dateless, she exploded. Everything was planned, food had been ordered, and she wanted me to have a date. I would’ve taken Stephanie, but the reason she wasn’t coming in the first place was she was flying to Florida to see her grandparents.

Later that night, I took Devin aside. “How am I going to find a date for next weekend? It’s not like you go pick one up at a grocery store. And when did Anne get so crazy?”

Devin peeked around the corner, then leaned in. “It’s the wedding stuff. It makes girls go crazy. It’s enough to scare the crap out of a guy, you know.”

I smiled. “So, what you’re saying is she’s acting like a girl about her wedding?”

He scowled at me. “It’s not funny, Darby. Just find a date so she’s happy. I’ve never asked you for much, but—”

“You ask me for stuff constantly. You’ve still got half my CD collection.”

“Hon? Where are you?” Anne walked into the kitchen. She narrowed her eyes at Devin and me huddled together. “What’s going on?”

Devin looked at her, panic flashing across his face. “Um, Darby was saying she knows a guy she can bring.”

My jaw dropped. He totally threw me under the bus! The crazy-bride bus.

Anne’s face lit up. “Oh good. I know it seems strange that I care about stuff like that, but I’ve been so stressed and I just want everything to be perfect.”

Devin walked over and put his arms around her. “Of course you do. You deserve the best.”

They started kissing, so I left the room, wondering how I was going to scrounge up a date. Asking a guy to go to a wedding with you isn’t exactly like asking him to dinner or the movies. To a guy, it’s the equivalent of saying, Hey, I want to marry you someday, so let’s go see how another couple does it.

Not wanting to risk ruining Devin and Anne’s special day, my top priority became getting a date. Steph and Jimmy Delfino were hot and heavy yet again, so when I got really desperate, I asked him if he had any single friends.

That’s how I ended up taking Ralph to my brother’s wedding. When I showed up at Ralph’s door to pick him up, the first thing he said was, “You’re not ugly. I thought since you couldn’t find a date, you’d be ugly.”

I should’ve run, should’ve given up on the whole mandatory-date thing right then and there. You gotta wonder what Rapunzel thought after she was saved. Did she look at the prince and think, Wow, I feel like I owe him, but he’s really not who I want to be with? If he was anything like Ralph, that’s exactly what happened. I pulled him into my life, then immediately regretted it. I wished I would’ve let him walk on by.

All during the ceremony, I had to keep pushing Ralph’s hand off my leg. He’d set it on my thigh and inch it up a little at a time. We were in a chapel, and he was trying to feel me up! After the ceremony, I wanted to tell him to go, but I was his ride. I owed him for doing me this big favor.

Things at the reception only got worse. When Ralph called me a prude and took off, I was relieved. He could go eat and drink and leave me alone. It was nice to not have to be constantly pushing him off me.

I laughed and caught up with my seven giants. Drew, Devin, Gil—the whole gang was there. We laughed and even did some dancing.

I’d just gotten back to my table when one of Anne’s bridesmaid’s came up to me and pulled me aside. “You need to do something about your boyfriend. He’s hitting on all of the bridesmaids, and he just told Anne that he liked married women, so to give him a call. She won’t say anything to Devin because the last thing she wants at her wedding is for her groom to get into a fight.”

I groaned, not wanting to deal with my date. This was all Anne’s fault anyway, and now she wanted me to take care of it?

“Hey, baby!” Ralph said as I walked up to him. His breath reeked of alcohol. He grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the dance floor. Once we got there, he pulled me to him—like suffocatingly close—put his hands on my butt, and whispered in my ear the dirtiest thing I’ve ever heard. Something that I still can’t bring myself to repeat, but it was wrong and suggestive and explicit.

Without thinking, I pulled back and slapped him across the face. I reached into my purse, took out several bills, and shoved them into his hand. “There. Take a cab home. I hope I never ever see you again.”

People stared, mouths open, eyes wide, as I pushed Ralph toward the elevator. Anne was upset I’d caused a scene, but Drew and the rest of the guys thought it was the coolest thing they’d ever seen. At least I didn’t just freeze, like I’d done so many times before.

Time Wasted: It was only one day, but the entire time was miserable, so it seemed longer. And obviously everyone remembers how charming I was at Devin and Anne’s wedding. The story is legendary.

Lessons Learned:

Brides are emotional time bombs. (I bet Anne wishes she would’ve just let me go solo.)

Never take anyone you don’t know to a wedding.

Jimmy Delfino actually looks like a gem next to his obnoxious friends.

Slapping someone across the face can feel very exhilarating.

*Sidenote (added in 2011) – Despite my ban on fairy tales, I did accidentally watch Tangled one day with my nephew. Yes, the Disney version added girl power, which was pretty cool. And Flynn Rider was hard not to fall for and I might have been cheering for him in the end. But, like Aladdin, he was a liar (real name, Eugene Fitzherbert, and he happens to be a criminal). So while charming, he’s automatically disqualified. But I do consider slapping Ralph the equivalent of Rapunzel and her frying pan. Bonus points for girl power.