Destroyed

13

Hazel

I’d always known life had its favourites. Like a parent sometimes has a favourite child, life lavished attention and gifts galore on the ones it favoured. The ones it didn’t care for were forgotten. Allowed to survive, but given no special treatment.

I was one of the ones allowed to survive—to carve my own journey with no help.

But Fox, he was someone else entirely.

He was the child that every parent hated. The one no one understood. The one everyone pretended didn’t exist.

Not because he was evil or awkward or cruel—but because he was damaged and needed too much repairing to be feasible.

Ignorance and hatred pushed that child into the dark and their only chance was to turn inward, suffer silently.

I wanted to hate him.

I wanted to despise him.

He hurt me.

He used me.

Again and again.

But ultimately, I understood him.

I forgave him.

But I would never be able to save him.

Three life changing events came in quick succession.

The first happened when Clue charged through the doors of Obsidian’s fighting floor and almost knocked me on my ass. I’d been on my way out—about to leave Fox’s world forever—when she burst in out of nowhere.

I whirled backward, only to be caught by Corkscrew as he appeared right behind her.

One look from her tear-swimming eyes—I knew.

Something had happened to Clara.

“Is she okay? Tell me!” Panic lashed in my blood, flaying me alive. “Tell me, Clue! Now!” Nightmarish scenarios crushed my brain.

Clara dead.

Clara in a coma.

Clara gone forever.

My eyes grew wider; heart pounded harder. “She’s de—dead?”

Corkscrew’s fingers dug into my elbow, keeping me steady as Clue captured my cheeks and shook her head. Her almond eyes were red from crying, but she seemed calm. “No! She’s fine.”

She’s fine. Thank fucking God.

Panic gave way to undiluted anger.

“You gave me a fucking panic attack to come and tell me she’s fine?” I shrugged Corkscrew off, clutching my rapidly thudding heart. “I don’t understand.”

Clue shot a look at her backup support. Ben was the one who swallowed and said, “She collapsed at school.” His voice was soft and smooth, keeping me calm even as my body felt as if it exploded with shrapnel. “She suffered a seizure for three minutes. The school called an ambulance who took her to the ER.”

My brain swam. My worst nightmares were coming true. Too soon. It’s too soon!

Her coughing fit the other night and now this? Her symptoms had increased rapidly.

I’d have to ask Fox for the money now. I’d have to come up with a story that warranted him parting with another one hundred thousand dollars.

Clue stroked my shoulders, her warmth and support doing wonders for my scattered thoughts. “She’s alright. The doctors don’t know what caused it—”

I snarled. “Of course they know what caused it. Fucking idiots for not catching it sooner.” I clutched my chest as a huge ball of agony lodged in my heart. “They didn’t catch it, Clue. Because of their mistake, they sentenced my daughter to death.”

I’d always held such tight rein on my grief, but in that second I wanted to explode. I wanted to tear through the globe like an angry typhoon and wreck as much destruction as possible.

I wanted to destroy the doctors who ruined my life and my baby’s.

I didn’t want to put up with anything anymore. Fox had hurt me. Life had slapped me in the face. My past had almost ruined me. I just wanted out.

I’m not strong enough!

A massive sob bubbled in my chest and I bent over, sucking in gulping breaths.

If you start crying now, you’ll never stop.

“It’s okay, Zelly. It’s going to be okay.” Clue stroked my back, murmuring, “It’s a bitch of a situation, but she’s alright. Honestly to look at her you’d think she faked it just to get out of school. You don’t have to worry.”

I threw my hands up. “I don’t have to worry?” Tears shot up my spine in a tingling wake. “How can you say that? Every night I lie in bed, counting her breaths, making sure she’s still with me. One day, there will be no more breaths, Clue! Then what? What the hell do I do with my life?”

The regret and hatred for myself crashed like a tidal wave. Where had I been while Clue picked up my daughter from the ER? Instead of soothing my child, I was being fucked by a man who I had no hope of saving.

Your priorities are all screwed up.

I hate myself.

I’ll never forgive myself.

Everything that happened with Fox seemed trivial. So what if he hurt me? So what if I had some saviour complex? So what if it was my fault he’d snapped?

I’d pushed him too far, and I could only blame myself for the consequences. He hadn’t meant to hurt me—beneath the scariness, he was just a man looking for a way out—same as me.

His issues were vampiric, sucking my soul and energy dry until I was empty and shrivelled and on the very ledge of my wit’s end.

I had nothing left to give, but I had to keep going. I didn’t have the luxury of forgetting or indulging in tears.

Clara was the one who needed me.

She was all that mattered.

A whimper escaped, and Corkscrew gathered me into his large midnight arms. His body heat helped burn some of my unhelpful thoughts, granting me a moment of lucidity.

He and Clue barely knew each other, but he’d become a huge part of both our lives. Every night I’d return home, and he would be there. A fabulous cook, considerate houseguest, and completely besotted with Clue.

His deep voice vibrated in his chest. “It’s okay. We’re here for you if and when that happens. For now…Clue. Tell her.”

I went from slouched to stressed again in a second. “Tell me what?”

Clue took a step back. “After the ER, we headed home, but Clara threw a huge tantrum and made us come to you. She refuses to go home without you. I’d never seen her so upset or stubborn. She was a little spitfire.”

My ears rang, clanging with loud, terrifying bells. Please don’t say it—

Ben cleared his throat. “I know it’s not the best idea to bring a kid to an illegal fight club, but…well, she’s here.”

“What?” I screeched, attracting the attention of two burly men warming up in the boxing ring.

They brought my dying daughter to a monster’s house!

“She’s in the car waiting for you. Corkscrew came with me to get into the club. I figured we could all go home together.” Clue stroked my arm, trying to calm me. “It’s okay, Zelly. We’ll have a quiet night—just the three of us—like old times.”

I didn’t listen to a word she said. “You left my daughter in the car in front of an illegal club. How stupid can you be?”

My body was consumed with the thought of Clara being so close to the devil inside Fox. Two parts of my life I wanted to keep separate. Two parts that should never ever mix.

“It was the only way. We couldn’t exactly bring her in here,” Clue said.

No amount of hands could restrain me. I charged.

Slamming open the large, metal doors, I winged my way down the corridor toward the exit.

Please don’t let him be anywhere near her. I balled my hands, praying Fox was still in his bathroom, doing God knows what to bring himself back under control.

I couldn’t stomach the thought of him being around such a precious, breakable thing.

If he so much as looks at her.

Rage, hot and brewing, geysered in my blood. Every single motherly instinct vibrated on overdrive.

The second life changing thing happened when I threw open the front door.

My heart bucked as I charged from inside to out and skidded to a halt.

Oh, my God.

No. Please let it be a hallucination.

It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t.

Clue swerved to a stop beside me just before Ben hurtled to a standstill next to her. “What the hell?” Clue muttered. “Care to tell me what the—”

I swallowed a scream, and I charged like a hundred cavalry. My arms were muskets. My legs were cannons. My voice was trumpets warning the enemy they were about to die. “Get away from her!”

Fox looked up, white eyes wide as I skidded to a stop. He didn’t move an inch as I bared my teeth like a feral cat and yanked Clara away from him.

Their hands snapped loose and Clara tripped, stumbling against my body. “Ow!”

I’d never felt so sick, so violent, so absolutely ready to draw blood. Panting, I shoved her behind my legs, barricading her tiny frame with mine. I faced the man I thought I could care for, the man I secretly wished I could love, and released all my animosity and capsized emotions.

“Don’t you dare touch her! What were you thinking? Just because you weren’t able to hurt me you thought you’d hurt my daughter? Shame on you!”

Fox flinched as if I’d slapped him, bowing his head.

Clara squirmed, breaking my hold to position herself in front of me. My eyes flew between her and Fox, counting the feet between them—assessing the risk if he were to tackle her to the ground.

Her bright, expressive eyes met mine. Fear and confusion painted her cheeks. “What are you doing, mummy? He wasn’t hurting me! We’re friends. We shook hands as that’s what new friends do. Remember? You taught me.” Her little foot stomped in the gravel. “He didn’t do anything wrong. Leave him alone!”

Her temper was alive and well. In a moment, I assessed her skin colour, her ease of breathing—searching for any sign she was closer to death than she was to life. But she practically glowed, looking rosy cheeked and fierce.

She’d never been a normal child. So bold and into everything; endless questions and no fear when it came to talking to everyone.

I looked over her head at Fox. He hadn’t moved. No matter how many times I blinked, I couldn’t remove the image of Clara’s tiny hand swallowed up by Fox’s large one. The same hand that’d strangled me and held me firm while he fucked me ruthlessly. The same hand that’d been scarred countless times doing things even he couldn’t live with.

Ignoring Clara, I hissed, “Fox. You heard me. Don’t you go near her again. This wasn’t part of the deal.”

His eyes came up slowly as if the weight of his crimes crushed his shoulders with a heavy yoke. “I’m sorry.” He blinked, shaking his head. Comprehension and aliveness filtered into his silver gaze. “I couldn’t help it. I—” His eyes flew to Clara. Immediately they swelled with adoration and awe. My heart stopped with how—consumed he looked—how completely different. He’d been transformed from angry warrior to soft giant who hung on every word of a child. “She—she’s perfect, Zel.”

Slowly, he creaked upright, running hands through his hair. He shook himself as if he was a bear coming out of hibernation. “You’ll never understand how much I hate myself for what happened between us today. No amount of apologies will ever redeem my actions, but please believe me when I say I would never hurt your child.” His mouth twisted and he punched himself in the chest. “I give you my oath.”

Clara tugged out of my grip, darting to Fox’s side. My heart ceased to beat as she wrapped her tiny digits through his monstrous ones. Fox shuddered, locking into place.

“Can’t you hear? He’s sad. You’ve told him off, now forgive him. That’s how punishment works, isn’t it? When I do something bad, you yell and then you hug me.” She came forward, unsuccessfully trying to drag Fox toward me. “Hug him and make him feel better.”

Both Fox and I jerked back, leaving Clara stranded between us. Our voices blended in a loud combined, “No.”

We stood staring while Clara planted her feet firmly in the pebbles. “He’s mine. I introduced myself, and we’re friends now. I like him, and you’re silly to think he’ll hurt me. He wouldn’t do that, mummy. He’s not a bad stranger, so stop being mean.”

A noise of half laughter, half panic exploded from my mouth. How had I raised such an eloquent tyrant? So stubborn and old beyond her years.

Clue arrived, jogging to a careful stop beside me. Her body was poised for a fight, eyes flying between Fox and me. “Everything okay here?”

Corkscrew appeared behind her, his ebony skin absorbing the sunlight like black marble. “Mr. Obsidian. Everything alright?”

Fox looked toward him, clearing his throat. “Yes. Fine. Everything’s fine.” His voice held no sign of what happened, or any of the pain I’d heard when he swore he wouldn’t hurt Clara.

His eyes dropped back to Clara, filling once again with amazement—bordering on obsession. My heart skipped a beat. Almost unconsciously I moved forward and wrapped an arm around Clara’s shoulders, bringing her tight against me.

She squirmed, pushing away. Her strength made me rock on my feet, and my attention shot to her. Her cheeks were pink, lips red, and eyes full of fire. The only sign of her episode was paler than normal skin.

She looked ready to go to war for a scarred stranger she’d just met.

She’s just like me.

The thought both thrilled and terrified. I’d been so stubborn when I was young. I wanted to wave a magic wand and make everyone happy—save kittens, rescue homeless children, cuddle puppies, and grant world peace. I’d been so stupid to think I had the power to change anyone’s life. And Clara wouldn’t live long enough to learn that lesson.

Needing to touch her and remind myself she was safe and unharmed, I ducked down. Smoothing her favourite purple jumper, I asked, “Are you okay? Auntie Clue told me what happened at school.”

She looked toward Fox, giving him a small smile. He seemed in a trance, neither returning it, nor even acknowledging anyone around him.

He was completely and utterly besotted.

I hated the intensity. The single-minded connection he had with my daughter. It freaked me out, but also filled me with a small thrum of hope. For the first time, I saw yearning in his gaze.

Yearning to be better. Longing for something I didn’t know.

“I’m fine.” She scowled, her bright eyes meeting mine before flying back to Fox. “I just felt tired from coughing, that’s all. I had a nap, and the stupid school called the hospital.”

“Clara. You know you’re not allowed to use the word stupid.” I tapped her on the tip of her nose. “Use silly or don’t use it at all.”

She sighed, eyes flashing. “Don’t embarrass me, mummy. I’m not five anymore.”

My heart flopped out of my chest remembering her as a tyrannical five-year-old with more energy than a megawatt battery and flossy brown hair.

Clue came forward, putting her hand on my shoulder. I stood upright, not letting go of Clara.

Fox hadn’t moved a muscle. His eyes were full of memories I could never understand, his jaw slack, body slouched as if Clara had stolen the life out of him.

Despite what had happened between us, I hated the desolation in his gaze—the lostness, the sadness.

Tucking Clara behind me once again, I moved forward and waved a hand in front of his eyes. “Fox.”

It took a second, but he blinked and refocused, dragging himself out of somewhere dark. His shoulders straightened. “Sorry. Thinking of someone else.”

Someone? Who?

Clenching his hands, he kept his eyes on mine, not looking down at Clara. “Look, I have to go. Work. I forgot—urgent business.”

My stomach fluttered at his obvious distress. He didn’t need to work. The accounts were in order, all supplies filed and delivered. Opening time wasn’t for another six hours.

He was running.

Two conflicting emotions filled me. I wanted him to run. I wanted him as far away from Clara as possible. But my heart wept at the thought of him alone. Running from a little girl who already adored him. Sprinting from a woman who’d used her short fuse of anger and now just felt endlessly sad.

Sad for him.

Sad for us.

Just sad.

I wanted to blame him for his actions before—for once again proving he wasn’t normal and couldn’t be tamed. But if I had to cast blame, I was tainted myself. He would never have hurt me if I hadn’t pushed. He’d warned me, and I didn’t listen.

Despite what happened, he had made progress from when I first met him. The difference was he wanted to change whereas before I didn’t think he thought he had that option.

It just wasn’t enough.

He was beyond dangerous—entirely unpredictable—and I couldn’t afford to let him into this part of my life. If I offered another chance, he might hurt me, or worse, hurt Clara.

My first commitment was to my daughter, and they just didn’t work together. Delicate and dangerous. Fragile and frightening. No, I wouldn’t let it happen.

“Yes, good idea. You better go.” I didn’t want more blood on my hands, and I knew I’d end up killing him if he so much as looked at Clara wrong.

Fox took a step back with a heavy nod.

Corkscrew moved forward. “Hey, you want some help? I came for a quick session when Clue told me she was heading over, but I’m more than happy to run a few errands if you need anything.” His black eyes flickered back to Clue.

She nodded with a slight smile. It seemed all three of us had banded together in operation get ‘Fox away from Zel’s daughter.’

Clue said, “That’s a good idea, Ben. I’ll come back and pick you up when I’ve dropped Zelly and Clara off at home.”

Clara’s little hands shoved my hip, bumping me out of the way. “I don’t want to go yet. I like it here.” Her lips pouted and she pointed at Fox. “I want to know more about the bad man. He scarred my new friend, and I don’t like it.”

Before I could grab her, she darted across the small distance and stood so, so close to Fox. Too close. Dangerously close.

My heart fucking clawed into my throat when she placed her hand on Fox’s hip, looping her finger through a belt loop.

Fox’s eyes snapped closed, and he sucked in a huge lungful of air.

Everyone froze.

Clue and Ben had no idea the risk Fox presented, but they sensed it. They tasted my panic, and we all moved at once.

Gravel kicked as I rushed forward and grabbed Clara’s hand, jerking her away.

“No!” She clutched Fox’s belt loop, fighting me. “I want to stay.”

She’d never pulled a tantrum in her entire life. Never. She knew better, so what the hell was she doing? Twice in one day!

“Clara Hunter you obey me right now.” I slammed my hands on my hips, glaring at my disobedient child. The same child who held onto a monster as if she found a new pet.

Fox tumbled suddenly—he went from standing to kneeling in a second flat. The same position I found him touching my daughter. The same position that put him just below Clara’s full height.

His snowy eyes opened, locking onto Clara’s. “You need to listen to your mother. She wants you to go.”

Clara pursed her lips, colour dotting her cheeks. “I don’t want to go. You have stories. I want to hear stories. I want to hear about the bad man. I want to stay.” Her huge brown eyes welled with tears.

A few times in the past, Clara used crocodile tears to wrap me around her little finger. I was immune to her wily ways, but Fox…he wasn’t.

He groaned and hung his head, clutching his skull in his hands. I never thought I’d see such a violent threatening man come undone by a few glass tears from a child.

Clara stopped instantly and did something that turned my dark hair grey.

Her little arms wrapped around his head, pulling his face against her tiny, breakable, oh so vulnerable chest.

“No!” I rushed forward, but Clue jerked me back.

“Zelly, you’ll frighten her. It’s okay. Ben’s here if anything goes wrong.”

She didn’t know what Fox was capable of. She didn’t know!

I wriggled in Clue’s hold, tears springing to my eyes as Fox ever so slowly pushed my daughter away. Every move was precise, controlled, seething with discipline and strictness.

Clara didn’t stand a chance at holding onto him. With his large hand splayed on her stomach, Fox pushed until an entire arm length separated them.

Her arms unravelled from around his head, and she stood with wide hurt eyes. “You don’t like to be hugged? I like to be hugged if I’m not feeling well or hurt myself.” She fidgeted, never taking her eyes from Fox. “You’re hurting, so I wanted to hug you. It’ll make you feel better. I promise.”

My legs trembled. I had no idea how I remained standing.

Fox looked at her as if she was the only thing in the world. His entire body trembled; his hands clutched his thighs, digging hard into muscle. “A hug isn’t the same for me as it is for other people, Clara.”

She inched closer again. “So…how do you make yourself feel better?”

Fox’s eyes rose to latch onto mine. The power of his silver gaze untangled the rest of my emotions, and a small moan trailed from my mouth.

“Well, your mother has been helping me a little.” He smiled, his eyes looking more like soft snow than harsh blizzard when he looked back at Clara. “She’s amazing. You’re very lucky to have her.”

Clara looked back at me and shrugged. “She’s okay, I guess.” A small giggle escaped her.

Ben laughed and my legs gave out. I had no choice but to sink to the floor and kneel just like Fox. The two of us stared across the gravel; my daughter in the centre.

His eyes shot silent promises.

I promise I won’t hurt her.

I give you my word.

Please…

I didn’t know what the final plea was for, but I shut my eyes, blocking him off. I’d never known a man who could frustrate me, terrify me, and undo me all at once.

My heart, bruised and torn thanks to Fox, shed the armour I’d conjured against him. A fissure broke the hardened shell, and something twisted deep inside.

I wouldn’t be able to help Fox.

But my daughter could.

My tiny, dying daughter who I would miss for the rest of my life.

My eyes flew open, ready to answer his silent beg. He wanted permission to be around Clara. I could manage for a few hours, and then I would whisk her away and lock her behind closed doors. There was only so much tempting danger I could handle.

You hurt her, I’ll kill you.

I’ll do it with no hesitation.

But okay…

His large shoulders rolled inward and a faint smile kissed his lips. “Klyanus' moyey zhizni ya ne budu yey bol'.”

Clue shifted beside me, crossing her svelte arms. “Um, care to repeat that in English?”

Fox shook his head, eyes flaring wide. “Sorry. I didn’t know I slipped. I said, I swear on my life I will not hurt her.” His answer was for Clue, but he never looked away from me. His eyes resonated with truth. I honestly believed he would kill himself before he let whatever madness inside him hurt Clara.

A small smidgen of worry evaporated; I nodded.

Fox closed his eyes briefly, glowing with thankfulness.

Ben came forward, eyebrows drawing together. “Hang on, what do you mean you won’t hurt her?” His tone was sharp. “Of course, you won’t. Who the hell says something like that?”

Tension gathered in our small group, causing my skin to prickle. “It’s okay, Corkscrew. I know what he meant.” Ben looked at me with concern on his face. I nodded. “It’s okay. Truly.”

Clara bounced in her dusty black shoes. “I know what he means. I do. I do.”

My heart stopped, waiting for her declaration. Fox seemed just as anxious as he repositioned his knees uncomfortably.

“He means he doesn’t like hugs or being touched. I think the bad man made him hate hugs because bad men don’t like love. They’re evil and cold, and I don’t like them.” Her large eyes met Fox’s. “I’m right, aren’t I? You really do want my mummy to hug you even though she was mean and yelled at you, but you don’t know how. It’s easy, you know. All you have to do is wrap your arms around her.”

An eternity passed before Fox nodded infinitesimally. “You’re right, little one.”

The sweet surrender in his voice set fire to my blood. I just granted him the right to spend a few hours with Clara, not an eternity. I couldn't have him falling in love with her. She wasn’t his to keep.

I hurled upright onto my feet. “Don’t, Fox.”

His eyes met mine, frowning. “Don’t what?”

I glared harder, hoping he’d get my silent message. Don’t you dare fall for her. She isn’t yours to fall for.

He stood too and took a step back. He didn’t say a word.

Clara spun to face me, hands on her hips, looking far too opinionated for her young age. “If he gets to be called after an animal I want to, too. Call me Pony…no wait, call me Horse.” Her nose wrinkled. “They’re not as pretty as a Fox.” She spun to face him. “Why does my mummy call you that?”

Fox glanced at me before very cleverly changing the subject. “Why do you want to be called Horse or Pony? I think Clara is a very pretty name.”

Clara giggled, moving back toward him as if he was the largest sunflower and she was a hungry bumblebee. “It’s because I love horses. My favourite show in the whole entire world is Flick the pony, and I want to grow up and own lots and lots of horses and be a jockey.” Her bright, hopeful voice made me want to burst into tears.

She had an obsession with horses—it would be a dream come true to be able to afford her own equine or even riding lessons. In a different world. A different life maybe. A different existence where she didn’t have a death sentence hanging over her head.

Fox smiled. “I like horses, too. All animals. I make them if you’d like to see?”

A cloud rolled over the sun, casting us all in shadow. My body tensed, sensing an omen, a premonition of doom. I didn’t want Clara anywhere near his house. I would never get her out of there with all the fascinating artwork and statues. I’d agreed to let Fox talk to her, but I didn’t agree to more time than a brief acquaintance.

Clue moved closer, whispering in my ear. “I’ve never seen a man so besotted with a kid before. No wonder you like working for him. Beneath the scary appearance, he’s a massive softy.”

I snorted. Fox. A softy? Was I the only one who saw past the livid scar, the surliness, and into his soul? His dark and damaged soul?

No, I’m not the only one.

Clara did, too, but instead of being afraid of him, she suffered the same malady I did. She wanted to fix him. She stupidly thought a bit of glue and paperclips would fix him. And it would break her heart when she realized it wasn’t possible. But how could I prevent her from trying?

“Do you have horses and ponies…and sheep? Oh, I like sheep.” Clara once again moved far too close to Fox.

He pre-empted her touching him and took a step back. “I have many animals, but no sheep.”

Clara chewed on her cheek in thought, looking as if that was a deal breaker. Her eyes lit up. “Can you make a sheep?”

Fox smiled softly. “I could make a sheep if you wanted one.”

She nodded. “Good. Yes, I want one.”

Fox moved away a little more, stress lines and shadows darkening his face. He’d run the gauntlet, and he looked as if his reserves were dwindling. How much longer could he hold onto his self-control?

Moving forward swiftly, I grabbed Clara and pressed her against my legs, imprisoning her with my arms around her neck. She squirmed, but let me contain her.

The third and final life changing event came in the form of Clara’s innocent question.

“Mummy, I want to see Roan’s animal collection. Don’t make me go home yet, okay?”

Roan?

Roan.

His true name.

My eyes shot to Fox’s, wide and amazed and slightly hurt. He’d told my daughter, who he’d known all of ten minutes, his first name. He hadn’t given me that honour. He’d taken everything I had to give and hadn’t granted me a single part of himself.

Fox gritted his jaw, recognising my anger, but not acknowledging it. Instead, he asked, “Is Clara why you leave every night? Why you don’t stay?”

Clue sucked in a breath beside me, finally sensing the sparks and awareness between us. I didn’t give him an answer. It wasn’t any of his business.

He dropped his eyes to Clara. “Does your mum come home to you every night? Would you miss her if she didn’t?”

Clara, happy to be included in an adult’s question, reeled off way too much information. “Yes. She goes to work and then comes home and hangs out with me and Auntie Clue and Ben. We watch television. She makes me do homework.” Her nose crinkled. “Bleh.” Then her little arms came backward and squeezed my legs behind her.

My heart clenched with overwhelming love. “But then we lie in the dark and talk about what we want most, like an ocean full of chocolate ice-cream, and I fall asleep to her telling me lots of wonderful stories. She’s really awesome.” She looked up, her little nose catching a ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds. “I love her. I would miss her if she didn’t come home, because she’s my best friend in the whole wide world.”

She moved suddenly, rushing to Fox and wrapping her hand in his.

He froze, turning from man to statue. His legs wobbled, but he stayed upright this time. “Is that why you like my mummy? Does she tell you stories and help with your homework?”

Clue and Ben held their breath, feeding off my fear. I didn’t dare move in case I triggered a violent reaction in Fox. Ben subtly moved closer to him, putting himself in grabbing distance.

I flashed him a grateful smile. Thank God he was here. I needed a constant bodyguard around Fox. And I hated how sad that was.

Would we ever find a balance? A peaceful moment where we could touch and laugh and stroke like any normal couple?

We’re not a couple.

Things between us were complicated, but it’d been transformed into a Rubik cube with a thousand different colour sequences now that Clara had skipped the line from secrets to Fox’s realm.

Fox never let go of Clara’s hand, and my heart remained in my throat as he ducked to her level.

“She helps me with my homework, but she doesn’t tell me stories. Do you think you can tell me some she told you?”

Oh, God.

I couldn’t think of anything worse. Every story I’d ever told Clara was steeped in fact and twisted with life lessons I’d learned the hard way. My trials had become mythical beasts, my defeats evil witches, but every story ended with a happily ever after.

Fox would know—he’d learn my secrets through my open book of a daughter. Nothing from my past would be safe.

Clara nodded, happiness glowing in her brown eyes. “I can. Can you tell me some in return? Do you know any good stories? I bet you do. I bet you got your scar fighting a dragon while saving some pretty princess.” She tugged on his hand, excitement flying through her young body.

Fox nodded. “I have a few stories I could share.” He bent in half and whispered in her ear. “I’ve never told anyone, so you’ll have to tell me if my stories are any good.”

Clara beamed up at him, joy swimming in her eyes. “I’ll tell you. I’m sure they’re great, though. Can we go see the horses now?”

Fox looked to me. I looked to Clue. Clue looked to Ben. Ben looked to Clara.

There was only one answer to give, but it wasn’t the one I wanted. I wished Fox had never set eyes on Clara as I doubted I’d ever get them apart.

“Yes, you can go. But I’m coming, too.”

Fox gave me a soul-destroying smile before striding toward the house.

With a heavy heart and my hand clinging to the knife in my pocket, I followed a killer whose fingers were wrapped around my daughter’s.