Empower

Chapter 11

‘There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.’

Dante

Wilhelm and Rainer led the way down the long aisle that ran through the centre of rows of chairs arranged in the massive opaque-glass-encased oval hall. Standing near the front, I had a direct view of the Assembly members as they walked in. Rainer caught my eye and nodded. It was her way of giving what support she could. Though I noted she also looked at Lincoln on the opposite side and gave the same gesture. Wilhelm gave me a quick wink.

Hakon and Valerie came in next. Hakon still looked like a hulk but he was different as well; he moved slower and his expression was pained.

‘What happened?’ I whispered to Steph, who stood beside me.

‘He never fully healed after the explosions Lilith and Phoenix set off. They managed to save his leg but he’s never been the same. He doesn’t often fight,’ she explained.

I nodded. It was all I could do.

That was my fault.

‘No one blames you for what happened,’ Steph said, reading my mind. ‘I don’t think you understand how highly regarded you are by those who know you.’

I smiled sadly, failing again to muster a response.

That didn’t stop Steph. ‘And as for the rest, they don’t know you. They hear the stories but they don’t know what to make of them.’

There was a gap in the procession after Valerie. ‘No Seth and Decima?’ I asked.

Steph shook her head. ‘I’ve never even seen them,’ she pouted and I realised Steph was starstruck by two of the fiercest warriors I’d ever laid eyes on. ‘I don’t think they’ve returned since you were here last,’ she went on, then leaned a little closer and lowered her voice. ‘Rumour is they’ve petitioned for release.’

‘Release from what?’

‘Everything. The Assembly for one, but also from their angel makers. They’re the oldest Grigori alive but word is that they’re asking to die.’

‘Oh.’ I wasn’t even sure that was allowed. But I could understand. After all they’d given, surely they deserved some say in the matter.

Josephine came down the aisle next. She still carried herself as though she were merely the Vice of the Assembly, but everyone knew she wielded the power over Drenson.

Another reason I could never be part of their system.

As Josephine strode towards the stage, a number of Grigori began to make a small gesture, clenching their right fist and raising it to their left shoulder.

‘What’s with the salutes?’ I asked.

‘It’s old tradition,’ Steph explained quietly. ‘Not many Grigori from this century partake, but some of the older ones still do it. They’re marks of respect. Though rank has always been the obvious dictator in the hierarchy, throughout the history of Grigori true leadership was earned and won, irrespective of rank. The first level of regard is to bow one’s head. Second, the fist to the shoulder. And third,’ Steph pointed to where a few Grigori knelt on one knee, ‘complete service.’

I didn’t fail to notice that there were significantly fewer gestures of respect displayed when Adele and Drenson made their way down the aisle at the end.

While Drenson and Josephine addressed the Academy, I looked around the room. There was so much power here, but that only seemed to give rise to an air of uncertainty. Drenson was not a good leader, and it felt as if the entire room was aware of that and therefore discouraged.

Valerie and Hakon, along with Rainer and Wilhelm, were strong Grigori, but they were not leaders. And with Seth and Decima – along with their battle know-how and wisdom – they were increasingly absent … I didn’t like what I was seeing.

Unable to stop myself, I allowed my eyes to travel to where Lincoln stood, hands clasped behind his back. He had changed his top, now wearing a well-fitting white T-shirt, and appeared patient and attentive. But I could have sworn I saw a similar air of concern about his features as he looked over the Assembly members.

Will he become an Assembly member one day?

I hoped so. Maybe he would bring something to this place that it was sorely missing. The Lincoln I had known could make things right here. But the one who stood in front of me now? I didn’t know him so well.

Yes, you do.

No. He’s not the same.

Liar.

At that moment, Lincoln looked up and our eyes met for a flash. Just a minuscule moment was all it took for his piercing green gaze to cause the soul I had buried so deep to demand I move closer. Panicked, I looked towards the exit doors for a fraction of a second. When I looked back, Lincoln’s focus had moved to his feet. His shoulders dropped as if he had let out a breath or sigh and I caught the slight shake of his head.

Showing nothing outwardly, I turned my attention back to the Assembly, but having seen Lincoln’s reaction to me, his disappointment … my chest constricted and I had to work hard to keep each breath even and calm. The question was: had Lincoln reacted that way because I looked at the door or because I didn’t take the opportunity to leave?

I blinked away my scrambled thoughts as Drenson started to introduce the authority challenge between Lincoln and me. I saw Lincoln move towards the main sparring arena that had been left clear. He looked focused, strong and confident.

‘So, about winning this fight,’ Gray said discreetly from my side.

‘Yeah,’ I swallowed, suddenly nervous to be on display this way. Lincoln and me … and sparring. I cleared my throat. ‘About that.’

‘You’re going to have to play a little dirty if you want to beat him.’

‘Why’s that?’

‘Because I’ve seen him in action. And with their big guy out,’ Gray said, gesturing to Hakon, ‘there’s a reason the Assembly defer to Lincoln and let him lead in combat. Even with your speed he’ll have strength over you. You’ll hold the element of surprise but only for a short time. Plus, he’s on home turf. So, you’ll have to take him down hard and fast or you’ll lose your window. You hearing me?’

I glared at him. ‘Thanks for the vote of confidence, and your point is?’

He smirked. ‘My point is that pissing him off will be the best distraction you could hope for. Just make sure you stay focused afterwards.’

‘After what?’

I glanced at Lincoln. He stood in the fighting square, waiting for me. When I turned back to Gray to tell him I had to go, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me flush to his body, kissing me hard on the lips and holding me there.

I was so shocked it took me a moment to push him away. I heard people nearby gasp and then I saw Gray smirk. More than anything I felt an overwhelming fury.

Gray grabbed my chin, squeezing tightly to hold my attention as he leaned in and whispered, ‘Now, keep your shields locked tight, stay the hell focused and win.’ He winked.

I leaned in a little further, my hand gripping his shoulder as my fingers dug in – hopefully painfully – to the soft spot. ‘You’re going to pay gravely for that.’

‘No doubt,’ he said with a devilish grin. ‘But until then, use it.’

And I knew exactly what he meant and was already following orders, pushing my shields to the max.

It was underhanded, but Lincoln was the first person who’d taught me: you do what you’ve got to do to win.

I marched into the combat arena, not looking at Lincoln, and faced the Assembly. ‘Rules?’

Drenson looked at me for a long moment, clearly unimpressed by what he saw. I was sure he’d hoped he would go the rest of his long life without ever laying eyes on me again.

Yeah, well, the feeling’s mutual.

‘First to move into a clear kill position,’ he stated.

One round. Fine by me. Perfect, in fact. I nodded, turning to Lincoln. ‘Ready when you are.’

Lincoln’s arm shot out so fast I was surprised. But I dodged it, my speed beyond that of any other Grigori I’d known.

I smirked briefly when I saw the shock register on his face. But my optimism was quickly strangled when I glimpsed something else in those green eyes of his. Something almost like pride.

I didn’t have long to ponder this, though, since I was already moving into a full-force round kick. It was another flashy display of my speed, and Lincoln never saw it coming. As soon as my foot made contact, I spun a second time, coming at him with another kick.

Lincoln managed to thwart my second attempt and then delivered a few good hits himself, gaining control. Gray had been right. His focus was adjusting to the fight and I knew I only had the upper hand for a few more moments.

Without hesitation I ran at him, leaping into the air and spinning as I did. My feet hit his chest with enough force to take him straight down onto his back. I surfed him like a wave and landed on top of him, straddling his waist.

I hit him hard across the face once, twice, further startling him, then both of my fists jabbed above his heart.

‘Kill shot!’ I yelled, jumping off Lincoln and putting as much distance as possible between us, trying to control my manic breathing. My body was flipping out while my soul was having some kind of hysterical fit. I needed to get out of this room, fast. It was all too familiar, being so close to him, smelling him, feeling him. And all while sparring, one of the things we used to do so well together.

I put my hands on my hips and addressed the Assembly.

‘I’ll take a team of six and we’ll head out tonight,’ I said to Josephine, but she wasn’t looking at me.

My stomach flipped again.

‘We’re not finished here!’ Lincoln roared from behind me.

I didn’t turn. ‘Oh, I think we are,’ I replied, starting to walk towards the side door. ‘Don’t be a bad loser.’

‘Terms of a challenge are that the participant cannot use internal powers to give them the advantage.’

I paused as I scoffed. ‘I hate to break it to you but my speed and strength are not internal.’

His voice lowered. ‘But the cowardly shields you and your Rogues are famous for relying on so much are.’

I flinched at his words.

Anything but this.

I turned, slowly. Lincoln looked straight at me. Emotionless.

Does he know what he’s doing? What this will do to me? Could he be this cruel?

He raised his eyebrows. ‘You want to beat me, you have to drop your walls.’

I looked up at the Assembly. Drenson was smiling. Josephine seemed surprisingly speechless. I gestured to Lincoln. ‘I’ve already beaten him. This is bullshit!’

Drenson made a pathetically brief attempt to appear compassionate to my argument. ‘Nonetheless, he is right. You have to prove you are of sound mind.’

‘But I beat him physically. Who else has done that in the past two years?’ I challenged, looking around the room.

‘Even so,’ Drenson said, increasingly unable to hide his enjoyment.

Shit.

I can do this.

No! I damn well cannot!

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d let my guard down completely. I wasn’t even sure I’d physically survive it. Part of me suspected that the only reason my soul had not shattered into oblivion the way it was probably supposed to was because I had naturally strong guards. I was broken into smithereens inside but my shields were like a protective glass jar holding them all together.

Ignoring Lincoln’s eyes on me, I wrapped my hands around my waist, considering what would happen if I let the cold take hold.

Pain. That’s what.

There would be so much pain. Even if I could physically survive it, mentally … The constant smarting I endured even with my defences on high made my existence barely tolerable – like sharp knives set on a constant cycle of stab and repeat. The idea of bringing down my walls …

Oh my God.

It would be like putting my body through a meat grinder and my heart through—

I stopped the thought.

Lincoln was a good leader. I truly believed that.

Maybe I should just let him lead and go on my way, try to find Spence on my own.

I glanced over my shoulder to Gray. Even he looked sick.

Shit!

I needed their damn intel. I couldn’t take chances and I needed to be in charge otherwise I couldn’t be sure to cover all bases. Spence had said that Lincoln would be out of his depth. I couldn’t risk that.

‘Fine,’ I gritted out as I forced myself back into position.

Lincoln averted his gaze.

Good. I hope you feel guilty.

‘When you’re ready,’ he said, making it clear he didn’t feel too bad to proceed.

I couldn’t believe he was going to do this to me. But I was almost certain he couldn’t know. How could he? No one knew exactly what it would do to me. He was just playing the game, like I had. Win at all costs.

Slowly, I began to lower my shields for the first time in two years. My soul charged forward like the caged animal it was. And it was not happy with me.

The impact was immediate.

I knew my shields were not all the way down but there was no way I could go any further. My insides contracted painfully. The coldness that never fully eased its grip seeped into my blood and bones completely, like a poison, reaching all the way to my dysfunctional heart. The ache consumed me with such terrible grief that I screamed out in agony. My legs shook, about to give way. I stumbled but couldn’t focus on anything around me.

An arm snaked around my waist from behind, its path warm and strong when there had been no warmth, no strength. Without being able to think or control my actions my body leaned back into the embrace, craving more. The sanity. The small reprieve. His other arm moved into position loosely around my neck and as I felt him press over my heart I wanted to cry out again, this time in relief.

‘Kill shot.’

His voice was so steady.

My legs gave out completely, but he held me up, his hand gliding slowly down my rigid arm until his palm slid into mine. His fingers lined up with each of mine and then, unmercifully reminding me of moments I could never have again, his fingers slowly – warmly – closed and squeezed tightly just as his lips grazed my ear and he whispered, ‘Put them back up.’

He braced me as I trembled and started to do just as he’d instructed, rebuilding the walls that protected me from the truth.

As soon as I was strong enough to stand, Lincoln stepped away from me.

I turned to face the Assembly again, refusing to look any weaker than was already obvious to the entire room.

I could feel Lincoln studying me. I glanced in his direction defiantly to see his brow furrowed as if he was confused by something. He opened his mouth to speak but just as quickly closed it and turned back to the Assembly.

‘I’ll lead a team out tomorrow,’ he said, not looking back at me.

The room remained silent.

I took a deep breath, feeling more in control by the second. Overwhelmed by the whole thing and more than anything simply sad, I shook my head. ‘You really have turned into one of them, haven’t you?’ And suddenly I was completely exhausted.

What have we done to one another?

Lincoln flinched and I looked up at Josephine. ‘You’re making a mistake doing things like this and I won’t stay around to watch you put Spence’s life in unnecessary danger. That’s the beauty of being a Rogue. I’ll bring Spence back when I have him.’

With that I turned around and started to walk out.

‘You’ll do no such thing!’ Drenson yelled. I didn’t stop. They didn’t control me and I could already tell that Gray was walking out behind me.

‘Violet!’ Josephine called. I glanced over my shoulder and something about the way she looked at me, almost imploringly, made me pause. ‘The way I see it, the outcome of that challenge was a tie. You and Lincoln will work together, assemble a team you both agree on and share the leadership.’

I shook my head. ‘No. I can’t work with him,’ I said, knowing the full truth of my words.

‘Then I guess it will come down to how much you want to find your friend, because we all know this is the best solution.’ With that she looked at Drenson, making it clear there would be no argument.

I looked around me. Gray rolled his eyes and Steph nodded me on at the same time that Lincoln glanced at Mia for counsel. A shot of jealousy speared me when I saw her give him an encouraging smile.

Finally, I shrugged. ‘We should get into the building tonight.’

Lincoln shook his head instantly. ‘We’ll go during the day tomorrow and make sure no one slips away before we question them.’

I sighed and looked straight into his eyes. ‘I get that you are used to charging through the front doors having nothing to fear, but there is a value to having the defences we do. These walls you were so keen to tear down keep us guarded from exiles. Trust me, if there are big players in that building they’ll be there at night and if there are exiles, we’ll find them before they find us. Give Gray and me an hour in the building tonight. If we don’t come out with anything useful, storm the place until your trigger-happy heart is content tomorrow.’

He dropped his head. ‘You say that like it’s a possibility.’

‘What?’ I asked, confused.

‘Contentment.’ He said it like a throwaway comment and looked towards Mia again. ‘We’ll give this a go. Get the conductors on it. Set up a perimeter and we’ll cover them for an hour.’

Mia nodded and moved away towards the doors. Lincoln turned to me, shooting a sharp glance in Gray’s direction. ‘You and your … partner should be ready to move in half an hour,’ he said before marching out of the room.

I wanted to scream after him, but his words had hit so hard they had sucked the air right out of my lungs.

‘Did he just call me your partner?’ Gray asked, now beside me.

‘He did,’ I replied, still staring at the door Lincoln had just slammed in his wake.