Empower

Chapter 13

‘I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance.’

Friedrich Nietzsche

It took an hour to debrief.

Lincoln, who had travelled in a separate car and disappeared as soon as we arrived back at the Academy, had ever so kindly left me to deal with Josephine by myself.

‘They just shot themselves?’ Josephine asked, again, as appalled now as the first time she’d asked.

I nodded, returning my attention to her after taking a few minutes to heal my shoulder wound. ‘Well, one of them shot the other one and then himself. But it was like they were completely fine with it. As if death was of no consequence for them.’ I shook my head, equally disturbed by the memory. There was something about the way the men had so fearlessly relinquished their lives.

‘And they said Sammael has Spencer in New Orleans?’ she went on, covering more of the same questions and gripping her pen tightly as she documented every word I said.

‘That he will have Spencer in New Orleans,’ I corrected. ‘They must’ve recaptured him at the airport like Chloe suspected. I’d say they’re on the move but, yes, he said Spence would be in New Orleans the night before the full moon, which is five days from now.’ Steph had looked up the lunar calendar before I’d even made it back to the Academy. ‘So, that leaves us with four to get to New Orleans and figure out what the hell is going on.’ I stood up, rotating my shoulder, which still felt the phantom wound. ‘Josephine, it’s been a really long day. I need to get out of here for a while and clear my head. I’ll be back tomorrow morning.’

Zoe had already taken Gray back to Ascension. They’d promised to stop by the infirmary on their way to bring Chloe up to speed. And I desperately needed some alone time.

‘You’re welcome to stay here, you know,’ she said, sounding surprisingly genuine, though equally cautious.

‘Thank you, but no.’ I headed for the door, hoping she wouldn’t push.

‘Violet, what’s it like?’ Josephine blurted as I neared the door.

‘What?’ I asked. But I knew. She was pushing.

‘Seeing him again.’

I turned. ‘Why would you ask me that?’ As far as I was concerned she had no right.

She leaned back in her chair, placing her pen on her desk. ‘I ask because I’m partly responsible.’ She pressed her lips together before continuing. ‘I realise you all think of me as hard and arrogant. I’ve even been compared to exiles in that way. But the difference between them and me is that I am very aware of my failings and what they have cost me and those around me.’

I felt a rare twinge of pity for Josephine and wondered if it was genuine remorse I was hearing in her words.

‘What do you want me to say, Josephine? That it rips me in two? That it makes me want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out when I see what we’ve become? That this incredible love we have has destroyed us? Do you need to hear me say those things when they can’t and won’t change anything?’

‘No.’ She took a deep breath and let it out. ‘No. I was wondering if you might explain to me why things must be this way? I assume your reasons are valid, but I have never fully understood how you could force this distance between souls that have once been joined.’

My throat was closing over and I took the time to smother my emotions even as the coldness stabbed me from the inside. ‘Because if I don’t maintain the distance, I will lose the only thing that keeps me going.’

‘And what is that?’ she asked softly.

‘Knowing that somewhere in this world, he’s alive.’

After taking one look at me, Steph took me up to her room for a shower – scaling buildings was never a clean sport, let alone fighting to the death.

‘It’s so strange that Dapper owns Ascension,’ I said.

‘Yep,’ she said, tossing clothes from her wardrobe onto the bed. ‘He bought it about a year ago. Here,’ she said, tossing me a little black dress, which looked like it flared from the waist.

‘I’m not going out, Steph,’ I protested. I reached into my bag for a clean pair of jeans.

Steph quickly snatched them out of my hand and stuffed them back in my backpack. ‘Just put on the dress. Everyone’s already at Ascension and Dapper is stupid-excited to show you the place in action, not to mention your friends, who just want a chance to see you and show you how happy they are that you’re back. It won’t take long.’ She held the dress out to me again. ‘Put. It. On.’

I stared at her for a moment.

Steph was having none of it, though, and simply stared back until I finally gave in and took the dress.

It felt strange knowing I’d be seeing everyone in a social environment, especially without Spence. Plus, the only time I ever sported a frock these days was when I dragged Gray to our classes twice a week, and even then I changed straight afterwards. Wearing a dress now felt like stripping away one of my pieces of armour.

A piece I worried I was going to miss greatly.

When we walked through Ascension’s unmarked door we were instantly assailed by the cacophony of sounds of a night out – music, talking, orders being called out, laughter and glasses clinking. My guards were up but I still felt his presence the second we crossed the threshold. The woman on the door smiled warmly when she saw Steph, pulling her into a brief hug and giving me a curious once-over. I eyed the rack of masks behind her with every intention of taking both the mask and hair-colour glamour offered for anonymity, but Steph shook her head.

‘People still do it, but why would you when the whole point is that people are here to see you? And anyway, Dapper keeps things so tight around here that disguises are less common. It’s a safe place, Vi – free from the Academy and opposition. Try to relax.’

‘Easier said than done,’ I mumbled. This was a world I’d walked away from. One I’d never believed I would be a part of again. It had almost killed me to do it the first time and though I knew Steph was trying to help she just didn’t realise how hard it was going to be when I left again.

I took my time looking around. Though I’d been here last night, Ascension was different when it was full of people – the place was a living force unto itself. I stared up at the tall columns that supported scaffolding-style walkways and spiral staircases that wound their way up the walls. There were doorways to small rooms and bars scattered intermittently. Grigori of all shape, size, rank and age filled the club and as I anxiously noticed the numerous sets of eyes tracking me, I realised that there were also plenty that weren’t.

With each step I took in Steph’s black-and-silver heels I felt the music working its magic on me. From the beat vibrating through the floor to the sounds of the bass, I couldn’t help but relax in that way only music could inspire. It’s the one thing I’ve never been able to let go of. No matter what, it has remained my secret.

Steph led me through the busy bar area to a large table where many of my old friends sat and beside which Dapper stood, dishcloth slung over his shoulder, a smile on his face as he leaned against Onyx’s chair chatting with his patrons.

When Dapper saw us approach he frowned.

‘What?’ I asked, letting him pull me aside.

‘Am I hearing things right? New Orleans?’

I nodded. ‘Looks that way. We’ll start assembling a team and making a plan tomorrow.’

‘Violet, New Orleans is not a normal city. You’re going to have to watch yourself there like never before.’

‘Why is that?’ I noted that the worry in his eyes was intensifying with each word.

‘Witches.’

I grinned. I couldn’t help myself. ‘Really?’

Dapper didn’t smile. If anything he paled. ‘I don’t believe in them either, but New Orleans is … Like I said, it isn’t normal. Strange things happen there, and the power … it’s wrong.’

I swallowed, absorbing an influx of Dapper’s strong emotion. Fear tastes peppery.

Dapper wasn’t messing around. Something about New Orleans really frightened him. I wet my dry lips. ‘I’ll be careful, Dapper.’

He nodded, back to his typical gruff self again and with a hand on my shoulder turned me towards the table. ‘Well, I’m glad you’re here tonight of all nights,’ he said, but despite the new playfulness in his tone I caught the tinge of sadness in his eyes.

He knows I’m not staying.

I smiled nonetheless, keeping up appearances. ‘Why?’

‘Because tonight,’ he said, looking up at the stage where a brightly clothed band was setting up, ‘is salsa night.’

I couldn’t help myself; I laughed out loud. I’d always loved to dance, but Dapper couldn’t know that – none of them could. Except for Gray, who sat on the far side of the large table, looking rather green as he watched the band.

Morgan looked up at that moment and immediately yelped, leaping out of her seat and then jumping up and down. I shook my head, smiling. It was comforting to know that some things had remained the same. Even if, looking around the table, it also felt abundantly clear that I no longer fitted in.

‘Oh my God, oh my God. I can’t believe you’re here! I’ve been trying to get to you all day!’

‘Well, I’m here now,’ I said, accepting her hug.

Does everyone always hug this much?

‘Let her go, Morgan!’ Zoe yelled, when it became apparent Morgan wanted to continue jumping up and down. With me.

Morgan quickly dropped me. ‘Sorry!’

‘That’s fine,’ I said, taking a seat and saying hello to everyone, pausing momentarily when I noticed Rainer and Wilhelm sitting on the other side of the table.

Salvatore wrapped Steph in his arms and sat her beside him. Seeing them so in sync with one another, a sharp bolt of longing shot through me. Zoe was there with two empty glasses in front of her already. Gray had wedged himself close to her and when I threw him a wry look he simply waggled his eyebrows. Onyx was on Zoe’s other side with a bottle of bourbon, a shot glass and a wicked grin. I didn’t need to ask what it was for. I didn’t need to see him. I could have closed my eyes and still walked a straight line to where I could sense Lincoln in the far corner of the club.

I rolled my eyes at Onyx and gestured to the drinks as I asked Zoe, ‘Doesn’t Dapper have a problem with this?’

She shrugged. ‘No police come knocking on his door here; no one knows it exists. Dapper figures if we’re old enough to battle it out to the death then we’re old enough to have a few cosmos too. But he usually cuts us off after a few.’

‘Shouldn’t you be working?’ I asked Onyx.

He threw back a shot. ‘I am. Customer relations. Are you enjoying yourself?’

A waitress came over and placed a number of drinks on the table. One in front of me. I raised an eyebrow.

‘See?’ Onyx said. ‘Don’t say I’m not looking after you.’

I shook my head and took a sip. Whatever it was it tasted citrusy and delicious. ‘Thanks.’

‘It’s good to see you, Violet,’ Wilhelm said from across the table.

‘You, too,’ I replied, doing my best to return his easy smile. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t managed to stay in touch,’ I said to Rainer.

Her eyes softened. ‘We know you’ve been doing what you had to. It’s just … It’s good to see you. We all felt your loss when you left New York, but when I heard you’d left Lincoln … Well, I’ll admit I wondered if we’d ever see you again.’

‘You were always going to see me again, Rainer. You of all people.’

She raised her eyebrows. ‘Really? Now I’m intrigued.’

I glanced around the table, spotting something in the far corner of the room that made me flinch. I looked back at Rainer forcing my expression to remain neutral. ‘I have some unfinished business that I want to talk to you about. Maybe in the morning?’

She nodded, understanding that this was not the time or place but I could tell I had her full attention. ‘I’ll be at the Academy. Come and see me in my office.’

‘How about we meet in the infirmary instead?’ I suggested.

Rainer watched me for a beat before quickly nodding. ‘That would be fine, too.’

No longer able to stop myself, my gaze drifted to the back corner. Lincoln sat in a booth with Mia. They had their heads close, talking over drinks. Jealousy I wasn’t entitled to feel struck my heart while something altogether possessive and fierce marched forth from my soul.

‘What’s the deal with those two, anyway?’ I blurted to Steph before I could reel myself in.

Steph shifted in her seat and pretended to realign her skirt, all the while looking extremely uncomfortable.

‘Steph,’ I pushed.

She glanced up and sighed. ‘I don’t know. No one really does. They’ve been friends for a while, but the past few weeks they’ve been spending more time together. There’s talk that … that Josephine’s pushing them to apply to become partners. So far they’ve refused.’

I swallowed. ‘Why?’

It was a loaded question and Steph knew it. Lincoln was free to take a new partner; I’d made that much clear to him when I’d left the city. If he and Mia were a good match and worked well together, then the only reason he wouldn’t want to be made her official partner was if they were … Couples can’t be partners.

Unless of course they’re soulmates and willing to destroy one another.

‘Honestly?’ Steph asked, monitoring my reaction.

I ignored the little voice inside that told me to give this conversation a wide berth and nodded.

Yes, I’m totally unstable.

‘I think it’s because Lincoln would never consider another partner but you. But that’s just my opinion.’

I gripped my glass and took a few deep swallows. I caught Morgan watching, and when she met my eye she quickly looked away.

‘But not everyone’s,’ I said, reading between the lines.

I sat up straighter and grabbed the fresh drink that had just been placed in front of me, and lifted it to Onyx in thanks. ‘Well,’ I said, in an attempt to brush off Steph’s words, ‘he should do whatever he wants. For whatever reason he has. He deserves happiness.’

And he does.

He deserves everything.

I threw back my drink and did all I could to look like I didn’t care that Lincoln hadn’t even glanced in my direction.

You can’t have it both ways, Vi. Just stop thinking so damn much.

I started on a new drink. Lincoln’s indifference was a gift, really. It only made things easier and I should have been grateful. This way we’d be able to work together. We’d find Spence. Someone passed me a shot. We could stop whatever the briefcase man was doing. I threw back the shot and held my glass out for another. It would all be fine.

Dapper’s hand landed heavily on my shoulder. ‘I just cut you off,’ he said as I pouted.

‘Why? You know the alcohol effect will only last for about fifteen minutes.’ The downside of increased healing abilities. ‘And I’ll have you know I work in a pub now. I’m very familiar with responsible service and consumption of alcohol.’

Did I just slur?

He shrugged. ‘Come and talk to me in fifteen minutes, then. Or when you need a job.’

Feeling miserable, I diverted my attention to the band, listening to the music and watching the people moving on the dance floor. Dancing had always been the one thing that could take my mind off everything. It was bittersweet, of course, but in some ways felt like a deserved punishment.

Right then, I needed something and I needed it desperately. Something other than the constant cold and the ever-present pain.

‘Gray!’ I hollered across the table.

He looked up, already dreading this moment. Oh, he knew.

He shook his head slowly. ‘No. No way. You promised never in front of people we know.’

I leaned forward. ‘Nooo. I promised never in front of the guys. And the guys aren’t here.’

‘No!’ he yelled over the music, setting his jaw.

I nodded calmly. ‘You still owe me and you know it.’

The whole table was watching our tennis-match conversation now.

‘No. Way.’

I stood up, my hands braced on the table as I leaned all the way across. ‘Make it good and you won’t have to go to classes with me any more.’

Gray took a sharp breath. I knew he wanted out of those classes more than anything. Finally, he stood up, giving me a hard look before turning it on the rest of the table. ‘If any of you ever speak a word of what you are about to see I won’t be held accountable for my actions.’ He looked back at me, scowling. ‘And if you go back on your word I’ll never bring you in on another paying gig as long as I live. Hear?’

I smiled, holding out my hand.

‘What the hell was all that about?’ Steph asked me.

I turned a sweet smile on Steph. ‘Gray was just asking me to dance.’

He yanked me out onto the dance floor before she could respond.

‘Back corner,’ I said, wanting to be out of sight.

Gray rolled his eyes, yanking me along and altogether livid. ‘Oh, you think?’