Falling

32

Watching her sleep right now, hair draped over the pillow, face soft, lips slightly parted—she’s beautiful. I could stare at her for hours when she’s this peaceful, but I know she’s going to wake soon, so I go ahead and slip quietly out of bed and head into the closet. I knew I wouldn’t give her the necklace on her birthday. She probably would have resisted, so that’s why I held off. But we’re alone now, and it’s not her birthday anymore.

I take the necklace out of its box and go into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I set it in between the two sinks and then brush my teeth before I get back into bed. Wrapping myself around her, my movements start to wake her, so I feign sleep as she begins to stir awake. I lie there, still, as she slides out from under my arm, and I can hear her close the bathroom door a few seconds later. I roll over and wait for her to come out. Listening to the water run, I wonder if the gift is going to irritate her when she made it perfectly clear she didn’t want me to get her anything.

The door opens, and Candace walks out with a sly grin, holding the necklace up in front of her.

“What’s this?” she questions, knowing very well what it is, but I play into her and say, “Well, it’s definitely not a birthday gift, because that was two days ago.”

Her laughter is a relief when she hops up into bed and hands me the necklace to put on her.

“I love it,” she says as I clasp it on, and she doesn’t need to say anything else about it. She’s read the scribed words. She’s accepted it without hesitation. That’s all I wanted.

Crawling over her as she lies on her back, I drop kisses along the chain. “Do you know how beautiful you are?”

“Mmmm,” she hums.

“You were amazing last night,” I tell her when I start removing her clothes because I need her again. We were both so cautious last night, and now, seeing her naked and having her calm, I want to give this to her again, and she lets me.

As we remain wrapped up in each other after making love, I stroke my hand through her hair lazily, enjoying her as our breathing slows back down.

“How are you feeling?”

She’s in a tranquil state when she responds with a simple, “Happy.”

That one word makes me smile. That’s all I ever want her to be—happy. I begin to laugh when I think about the other surprise I have for her.

“What’s so funny?” she asks with a grin of her own.

“I have something else for you.”

“Besides the necklace?”

“Besides the necklace,” I say.

She squints her eyes at me, and I defend, “I promise, you’re gonna like this better. It’s not a trinket.”

That smile of hers grows and she sits up, clutching the sheet to keep herself covered, and her modesty is adorable. Leaning over, I open the drawer to my nightstand and then hand it over to her.

“I don’t know what to say,” she says as she keeps her eyes on the Hop N Bounce box, which holds the deflated ball.

“I have a pump out in the garage if you wanna take it for a spin around the living room,” I tease.

Setting the box down on the bed, she crawls to me, sheet still clung around her, and gives me a kiss.

“You’ll never know how much I love you.”

After spending most of the morning in bed with Candace, I decided to run into work so that I can take the night off. Candace called Jase and went to spend the afternoon with him and Mark. I told her I’d be back at the loft around six tonight, but that quickly changed when one of our vendors stopped by today with a shipment only to inform me that the bar is now on COD with them. When I started digging through the backlogged bills, I discovered that Michael has been missing payments.

This is the second time this guy has fucked up, and I’m done. Walking into his office, the place is a disorganized disaster. Digging through his files, I find the ones that I need, and I spend the next few hours scouring through all of our various vendors’ invoices, checking them against the bank statements, and then having Mel double-check the inventory.

I can’t be having things fall through the cracks like this. I need to seriously start thinking about what’s gonna happen to this bar if I wind up moving after Candace is done with school, but leaving it in Michael’s hands isn’t gonna happen. I need someone I can trust.

“Max,” I call out while Mel and I are buried behind the bar as I help her check the last shipment.

“Yeah, boss.”

“Get Michael on the phone. Tell him to get his ass up here,” I shout over the band. I’ve been so busy, I didn’t even realize how late it is or that Mark is here with the guys, but they’re already on stage playing.

“Ryan!” Max shouts, and the chaos around me right now is giving me a headache.

“Did you get ahold of him?”

“Yeah, he’s on his way, but Candace is on the phone. Line two,” he says.

Making my way through the crowd, I run upstairs to take the call in my office where it’s quiet.

“Babe, hey.”

“Hey, I didn’t think you were going to be working this late,” she says, and I feel bad that I’m still stuck up here when all I want is to be home.

I explain everything to her, stressed about the whole situation, as she listens and then let her know that I’ll be heading home in a bit. Hanging up the phone, I start getting my things together, and about five minutes later, Michael walks into my office.

“Shit, that was fast,” I say.

“I was on my way up here when Max called. What’s up? You leaving?” he asks as he stands there watching me.

“Yeah, but we need to talk,” I say as I take a seat, and he follows suit. “I found out today that invoices haven’t been getting paid. Never, in the six years I’ve owned this place, have we missed a payment, and now we’re on COD with one of our vendors.”

“Ryan—”

“Look,” I say, interrupting him. “I’m gonna cut to the chase. This bar is my livelihood, and when shit starts going wrong, then that livelihood is compromised. Feelings aside, I gotta let you go, man. I can’t trust you to handle things up here when I’m not around, and that’s a problem for me.”

“Ryan, man. Come on.”

“Look, my ass is tired. Been up here all day trying to fix your mistakes, and I’m ready to go home,” I tell him as I grab my coat and leave. My stress is through the roof, and I don’t have time to dick around with this guy.

I find Max when I get downstairs.

“Hey, I need to talk to you.”

“What’s going on?” he questions as we step into the back storage room.

“I just fired Michael, so I want you to go up there and oversee him as he packs his shit up. Make sure we get his keys and everything—”

“Hey, I got it covered. No worries.”

“Thanks. I’m getting the hell out of here. I’ll be back in the morning. There’s a stack of papers on top of my filing cabinet. Make sure he signs them before he leaves.”

“Got it.”

I don’t waste any more time, knowing that Max will handle the Michael situation, and I head home to my girl.

Candace and I camped out downstairs with some wine and an old movie when I got home last night. We hadn’t done that in a while, so it was a perfect way to end the stressful day. I did manage to talk to her about trying to come to the bar again. I wasn’t sure if I was pushing too much, but I figured this morning would be a good time since it would only be the two of us. She took me by surprise when she said she would try. I know this isn’t easy for her, and while I’m in the kitchen fixing her a coffee to take with us, I watch her sitting on the couch, wringing her hands together. She’s a nervous wreck. I walk over and hand her the coffee, telling her, “Babe, you don’t have to do this if it’s causing you this much stress.”

“I told you that I would try, so . . . I’ll try.”

Holding my hand out, she takes it and we head to the bar. The morning is cold and the sky is dark with cloud cover. Candace is silent, and I keep my hand on her knee as I pull up and park along the curb in front of the building like I promised her.

When I open her door, she finally snaps out of her zoned-out state and holds my hand as I help her out. We walk inside, and I show her around before I take her back to the stairs.

“My office is up here,” I tell her as I lead her up.

I keep my hold on her hand when I walk into Michael’s office to grab the papers I need. Taking a few steps into his office, she jerks around, stumbling over her feet and into me.

“Babe?”

“I want to go,” she says with her head down, and as I reach around her to quickly grab the file, I see what she saw and kick myself for not thinking beforehand that Michael’s office overlooks the back lot.

I tuck her under my arm as I quickly pull her out and walk her down the hall to my office, tossing the file on my desk, and turning to hold her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” I say as she shakes under my arms—panicked.

I back us up to the desk and lean against it as I pull her between my legs. She keeps her head on my chest, and I continue rubbing her back, trying to calm her down. She isn’t speaking. I know she’s trying hard to keep herself together, and all of a sudden, being here with her isn’t something I want to be doing anymore. I hate that this was the first place I ever saw her. I hate the visions that are starting to play back through my head.

I hold her, but all I can see is her covered in blood and dirt, lying naked on the ground. My heart rate picks up as the guilt returns. I could have done so many things differently that night. If I would have just gone out there sooner . . .

I focus back on Candace when she lifts her head. Keeping my focus on her before I get too consumed, I ask, “You okay?”

She nods, placing her head back on my chest, saying, “I hate seeing that dumpster.” I hold her closer when she says this because I hate it too. I hate everything about that goddamn night. “It’s weird because I also love it in a messed up way. It’s all I had to focus on.”

“I’m so sorry.” I think about what must have been going through her head, the sheer terror she must have felt, and my stomach begins to knot up.

“When I dream about that night, it’s always taken away from me. There’s nothing to distract me.”

“I wish I knew his name.” I would find him and destroy him if given the chance. I would kill him for everything he took away from her.

She looks up at me and cups my clenched jaw, lifting onto her toes, and planting a kiss on my lips. I pull her into me and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Being here with her, I’m starting to feel like I’m lying, and the guilt is eating at me the longer we are here. I never thought that deciding not to tell her about who I am would make me feel like it is right now. Deceitful.

I’m trying to keep the memories out of my head, but I can’t help the constant flashes I’m getting each time I close my eyes. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop hearing her pleading screams from that night. It’s a part of her that I’ll always have to bear, but it’ll never even come close to all that she has had to endure.

I shift my thoughts because this is huge for her, and I need her to know that. I tell her how proud I am that she came up here with me, but I can tell she wants to leave, and honestly, so do I.