I Am Curious (Thirty)

July 15

Still nothing.

What will I do? If Eric were around he would know what to do. I suppose he would help, but who knows? Who knows anything any more?

Maybe it will work out.

Except I know it won’t. I’ve never even worried about it before and this time I just knew.

It’s impossible. Everybody says it’s impossible. What do you do? Sue the manufacturer?

Except I probably forgot. I know I forget a lot of the time, I always have extras left over.

(Write it, you idiot! Go on!)

No, I can’t. I don’t want to. I guess I’ll go out and fuck somebody and make some money.

Yesterday I turned five tricks and all five of them wanted to be blown. All five. That was the only contact they wanted to have with me.

Why don’t they turn queer?

If I did nothing but that all the time I wouldn’t have this problem.