I Want It That Way

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

For two days, I pondered my next move.

Then I went to see Mrs. Keller at Rainbow Academy. She glanced up from her paperwork, surprised to see me in early. We hadn’t changed my schedule to summer hours yet, so I was still working part-time. I’d discussed this decision with my mom and dad and they supported me. So I took a deep breath as she invited me to sit.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked.

“My circumstances have changed, due to some family issues. I was hoping you might be able to keep me on full-time in the fall since I’ll be enrolling in night class, instead, probably just one per semester for a while.”

She didn’t ask for more personal details, a fact for which I was grateful. “Do you have a preference as to classroom assignment? And are you interested in being a lead teacher?”

“Am I qualified?”

“Not to teach kindergarten, but for any of the other rooms, yes, between your experience here and your college credits.”

“Then yeah, I’d love for you to consider me as a lead.”

“I haven’t told anyone yet, but Mrs. Kimball is going on maternity leave in August, and I suspect she won’t be back. I’ve heard whispers that she’s planning to open an in-home day care when her baby’s a few months old.”

“She teaches three-year-olds, right?” Better than the twos, anyway.

The director nodded. “Are you interested in taking over for her in August?”

“Yes. I can also handle forty hours a week, as soon as you can increase my hours.”

“People are already asking for vacation time. I’ll need you to work more, probably starting in June. But you’ll be in Mrs. Trent’s room or floating until August.”

“Okay, I really appreciate it.”

Buoyed by that success, I went home in a good mood and Skyped with my parents to inform them. Loans would get me into a teaching position faster, but I’d rather go slow and pay my way bit by bit, as I could afford it. I still planned to reimburse them, someday, but like theirs, my situation had changed. Maybe I’d hopped off the fast track, but that wasn’t a bad thing.

It’s just life.

“Any change on the Ty front?” my mom asked.

“Not yet. I had to figure things out at work first.”

“I get it. You want to devote full attention to him when you go for it.” She sounded disturbingly invested in my relationship issues.

“I don’t know how I feel about your enthusiasm,” I said.

Wisely, my mom changed the subject. “Oh, by the way, Rob broke up with Avery. It happened a while ago, but I forgot to tell you—with everything else going on.”

“That’s good news,” I blurted.

“I’m with you there.”

“How’s Dad doing?”

“Coping. He doesn’t like his new limitations, but I’ll help him adapt. He’s definitely not cutting down the pine tree. Are you still coming home this summer?”

“Yeah, but I plan to fly, not drive.”

“Okay, honey. Just let us know when.”

Soon after, we disconnected the call. Angus was in Europe, and this time, he’d taken his boyfriend with him on his father’s dime. I had high hopes for him and Del. Max was still working at the garage, and Courtney had gone home for a few weeks, though she was still paying rent. With only Max and me around, the apartment felt really empty, but since I didn’t want witnesses for what came next, it was for the best.

Unless Ty’s schedule had changed, he’d be on his own this weekend. Two days left. So I hauled out my notebook and wrote the rest, everything that had happened since the breakup. Now the account was complete. Drained, I took a shower and then went to bed without dinner. Angus would’ve badgered me; Max came in too late to notice.

Friday evening, I came home from work and collected the Ty journal I’d created. Sucking in a sharp breath, I marched downstairs and left it outside his door in a bright red box with a bow on it. I wondered if he’d realize I was showing him my soul. Maybe he’d burn it for me or return it unread. But I didn’t think so.

At one in the morning, I heard his patio door open and for the first time, I went out. Like that first night, I saw him standing below, and my heart opened like a flower. In the moonlight, he was everything beautiful and broken; I loved him to madness. There were no brakes for me anymore, just an endless rush toward him. And I’d fall if he didn’t catch me.

“That was a terrible thing to read,” he said quietly, not looking up. “I’d just started getting over you.”

“Liar.” I said it with complete confidence.

He glanced up then, and I could tell it shocked him to find me smiling. Leaning forward, I lowered the basket down to him. In it, I’d placed a red heart cut out of construction paper. Childish, yes, but I enjoyed writing Nadia + Ty 4-ever, like I was twelve, and the world was never so complicated as trying to figure out whether he like liked me.

Ty plucked the heart out and cupped it in his hands, as if it was a butterfly that might soar away on the night wind. “Why this? Why now?”

“Can I come down? Will you let me in?”

He made a muffled sound, but his answer was clear. “You know I will.”

Steps light and sure, I dashed out of my apartment and down to his patio gate. I tapped lightly, waiting for him to open the door. In a few moments he did, and I was struck by how thin he was, not just lean, as if losing me had leeched the life from him.

“I thought I saw you in a bar,” I said. “But it wasn’t you. It was some other ginger devil.”

“Did you take him home?” There were five paces between us, fireflies and the golden gleam of his solar lamps. His garden smelled of flowers and green things, delicately come to blossom in the warmth of the afternoon.

“No,” I said. “But you knew that already, somewhere in your bones.”

“Why are you here, Nadia? There’s nothing left to talk about.”

I took a step toward him. “That’s where you’re wrong. You think you can plan love. Pencil it in for later. But really, you’re just scared of being hurt again. But here’s the thing, Ty. What I feel for you, it isn’t going away. Neither am I. You could call me in five years, ask me to come, and I’d get in the car and start driving.”

He smiled softly and shook his head. “Then you’re crazy.”

“In ten years, that will still be true. I’ve had a lot of time to think, and none of it’s changed. I love you, and I love Sam, too. I understand what it means to be with you. It won’t be a storybook life, with everything happening on some perfect schedule. I don’t care about that.”

“You’ll change your mind.” But he sounded dazed, gazing across the four short steps that separated us like I might storm the battlements and cast down all his archers.

I planned to.

“Bullshit. My dad’s sick, Ty. My parents can’t afford tuition, and I can’t keep my scholarship when I drop to part-time. But you won’t hear me saying, Damn, I’ll never be a teacher now. I’ll get there. It’ll just take longer. I won’t give up on that, and I won’t give up on you, either.”

“Nadia...” There was a world of loneliness and longing in that tone.

I knew it intimately; I wore it like a charm about my neck. “If you send me away today, I’ll knock tomorrow. I’ll say this again. And again. Until you’re ready to believe me, and I don’t care how long it takes. I do not fucking give up on the things that matter, and nobody’s ever mattered more to me than you. When you asked before, I wasn’t ready...and neither were you. That was just a challenge you threw down to get me to back away.”

“Was it?”

“If not, then it was the crappiest proposal ever.” There, I made him smile. He was still holding the red heart, stroking it between his fingers.

“I want to believe you,” he whispered.

The unspoken “but” hung in the air between us. I only smiled and let myself out of the garden gate. Upstairs, I expected some surge of disappointment, but it didn’t come. I had time. Besides work, what did I have to do besides convince Ty to take a chance on me?

Saturday morning, I went downstairs with French toast and scrambled eggs. I was kind enough to let him sleep in, so I didn’t bang on the door before ten. He’d clearly been up late the night before, I hoped thinking about me. He was gorgeous and rumpled and so very kissable. Smiling, I offered him breakfast.

“This is day one,” I said. “I still love you, even if you’re stubborn.”

As he gaped, I went back upstairs. A muffled curse drifted up to my ears as he shut his door. I am an irresistible force. Sunday morning, I went shopping and bought a present for Sam, a big box of crayons, along with a dinosaur coloring book. I wrapped them up and knocked on Ty’s door just before noon. Despite the weekend off, he didn’t look any more rested than he had on Friday.

“What?” he demanded, running a hand through his hair.

“This is for Sam. I know you’ll be picking him up later.”

His expression softened slightly. “Thanks. He misses you. I mean, I know you see him in school, but I still hear about your soup and your stories and—”

“I love you,” I cut in. “And I love him. There’s no reason for us to live like this. You’ve cut yourself off from life, not to protect Sam, but because you don’t think you deserve to be happy. You punish yourself because you misunderstood Diana, and you hurt her.”

“Stop,” he said roughly.

“I won’t. I never will. Every day I will be at your door, reminding you that I’m here, and I’m not leaving.”

With that, I turned, but he grabbed my arm and spun me around. A thunderous frown built between his brows, but it broke against my smile. With a sigh that was almost a moan, he put his forehead against mine, his breath soft on my cheeks.

“Don’t let me wreck you,” he whispered. “I’ve tried so hard to stay away and yet here you are. What do I have to do, flee the country?”

“I’d come after you. The timing might not be ideal, but you are. We are. And deep down, you feel it, too.”

“God, yes.” His sigh of surrender tingled against my mouth.

Then we were kissing, hard and delving, with his hands roving my body like he’d die if he didn’t touch me. Ty backed me into his apartment and kicked the door shut behind us. Thank God for his parents and for weekends off. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed every inch of it, heated, wild with need.

“Tell me,” I ordered.

He knew. “I love you. Oh, God, I love you so much. And I hate how I am without you.”

The beauty of this moment? His admission didn’t mean he’d lost, but rather, that we both won. “Me, too. I wasn’t lying when I said I’m happiest with you.”

“Your parents will hate me,” he predicted. But he didn’t seem overly concerned as he kissed my collarbone, sending a hot shiver through me.

“That’s not true. I’ve already told them all about you. My mother advised me to pester you every single day—she’s a fan of winning by attrition.”

“Seriously? She... They know about Sam, too?” Apparently, I’d managed to surprise him.

I nodded. “They’re looking forward to meeting both of you.”

“Mmm. I can’t think about that right now. I will later, I promise. But right now—”

“You have a little while before you need to pick Sam up, and before then, you want to fuck me until I can’t walk straight.”

“We,” he corrected softly. “We’re picking up Sam later. No more lines, Nadia. If you’re ready, then so am I. Otherwise, though, you’re spot-on.”

He took my smile for assent and carried me to his bedroom. We got naked in record time, and to Ty’s credit, he tried so hard to be slow and tender. But neither of us could wait. I rubbed against him like a cat, reveling in the heat of his skin. Then I ran my hands lower.

His breath hissed through parted lips. “Yes, like that. God, you’ll kill me.”

Ty moved with my hands, giving up on more extensive foreplay, but for me, this had the same effect. I was desperate to touch him, taste everywhere. My teeth grazed his neck as I skated my fingers down his hip. He pushed against me, and I rocked back.

“Mmm. Please,” I whispered.

In five minutes, he was in me, gasping and shivering, and I couldn’t stop stroking him. His mouth took mine, again, again, matching the tempo of his thrusts. It was messy and delicious when we came, a fierce and wrenching pleasure that had me digging my hands into his back. I bit him on the ear and he almost pounded me through the mattress, groaning with the force of the orgasm. Afterward, once he disposed of the condom and came back to bed, I curled onto my side and reached for him. Ty put his arms around me as if I might disappear.

But I wouldn’t, not ever.

“That was incredible,” he mumbled.

“Agreed.”

“There hasn’t been anyone else. One day, this winter, I saw you across the parking lot. You were with your roommate.”

“I remember.”

“I just saw you, and I was hard as a rock. You waved to Sam and got on that asshole’s bike, and I wanted you so bad I couldn’t breathe.” This was his version of a Nadia journal, and he was offering a glimpse of his soul, just as I had with mine.

“At my lowest, I listened to your phone messages, again and again. I saved every one you ever left me.”

“I listened to your footsteps overhead, and just about every night, I pretended you were coming down, that you’d be in my bed when I turned over.”

After that, we had no choice but to make love again. This time, it was dreamy and sweet, sitting up, arms around each other’s backs. It was almost two when we took quick showers, and then I went upstairs to put on a decent outfit. To meet Ty’s parents, I didn’t want to look as if I’d been rolling around in bed with their son all afternoon. Even if it was true. Once I tamed my hair and put on some makeup, I ran downstairs to meet him.

His smile when he saw me melted my heart; it likely always would. “Ready? I called my parents to let them know you’re coming. Are you okay staying for lunch?”

“Sure. We can take Sam out next Sunday.” I dared him to argue.

“When the weather’s this nice, he likes the park.”

“Then I’ll pack a picnic lunch.”

Ty’s eyes went liquid; there was no other way to describe it. In fact, the naked love and longing was almost too much for me to bear, a sweetness that would strangle me. But I breathed through it and followed him out to his car. I was nervous on the ride to his parents’ place, mostly because we were fledgling-new, and this was akin to throwing down the gauntlet.

I shouldn’t have worried.

When Sam saw me, he ran over to give me a hug, just like he did in school, but this time, I knelt to return it, closing my eyes against the rush of love. It’s not just Ty. Sam’s mine, too. I might not have any legal claim on him, but I adored this kid.

I whispered in his ear, “Which dinosaur could jump higher than a house?”

Sam thought about it, then said, “I dunno.”

“All of them, silly. Houses can’t jump.”

His giggle washed through me like sunlight as Sam squeezed me around the neck. “I missed you, Nadia.”

Ty’s folks were great, five to ten years older than mine, and absolutely doting grandparents. Pleasure just about unraveled me when he introduced me as his girlfriend. His mom and dad seemed delighted to meet me.

After lunch, she pulled me aside to whisper, “I’m so glad he’s smiling again. I’ve been so worried about him since—”

“Diana.”

“He told you about her?”

I nodded. Then she just hugged me so hard. I took that to mean I had her support. It also should be noted that Mrs. Tyler did not have hobbit feet.

As for Sam, after lunch he asked why I was there on a Sunday. We were in the backyard, where his grandparents had set up a play set, and Ty was pushing him on the swings. Each time Sam soared up, he kicked his feet like he could touch the sky. I knew that feeling; I got it every time his dad glanced in my direction. Other people might not understand this move, but happiness mattered more to me than coloring between the lines.

“Nadia’s going to be around a lot more,” Ty said to Sam.

“How come?”

He seemed to weigh his answer and then said, “Because I love her.”

That, apparently, was not a revelation to Sam. “Oh. Me, too.”

“How would you feel if she came to live with us someday?” That was a huge leap, but maybe it was better to put it on the table, so Sam wasn’t surprised down the line.

“Would she stay in your room or mine?”

“Mine,” Ty said.

“Okay, then. But she has to make hot dog casserole.” As far as Sam was concerned, the conversation was over. “Push me higher!”

We stayed until past dark. And when we left, we went home together.