I Want It That Way

THE EVER AFTER

I guess you’ve figured it out by now; I tricked you. There is, in fact, a happy ending. But if you’d known that my story became our story because I made a choice, would you have read until the end? People are fascinated by dark things, broken things, damaged things. You wanted to learn the exact moment it splintered apart, but would you have been as interested in watching me put the pieces back together, if you’d known? I wonder.

Because what I said before about the telling of stories, his and hers, and the unspoken question about staying together? That’s the real choice. And it’s a battle, every single day, to make the center hold. When I chose this, I didn’t expect it to be easy. It’s a battle I’m determined to win, and the prize is Ty’s love.

A year after meeting him, I moved into the apartment downstairs.

If anyone had told me, before, that I’d weigh my options and decide to become a mom at twenty-two, I wouldn’t have believed them. Occasionally it sucks, especially when Sam wakes us early, but then he’s rolling around and I’m tickling him, and he’s smiling so damn bright. The other day he called me Momiya, and it made me so happy, I almost cried. Ty doesn’t look so tired anymore; he doesn’t even call himself a grumpy asshole these days. Because I’m here, shouldering half the weight.

It’s worth it because I’m part of their lives, every morning and every night, every Sunday afternoon in the park, pushing Sam on the swings. I make hot dog casserole, read Goodnight Moon and play trucks before bed, even when I have projects of my own. Because I’m one of two people in the world who makes Sam’s face light up like a sunbeam, and I cherish that, even when I’m exhausted. Even then.

Like Ty, I work full-time, taking classes at night. I’ll achieve my dreams. In time. My dad’s still out there, trying to beat the odds. So am I. Life is messy and unpredictable; sometimes it’s a punch in the gut, and sometimes it’s so beautiful, it brings tears to my eyes. Life isn’t a fairy tale. It’s work, sand in your shoes and a sick kid at five in the morning. Sometimes you meet your partner too soon, but love persuades you to leap, trusting that he’ll catch you. Life is real and it’s right now. Life is fireflies in your palm, gleaming gold, and then setting them free. In the best moments, life is fireworks. Sometimes life is having the rug pulled out from under you and the one you love helping you up. But most of all, life is what happens when you open the door and let beauty in, even if it doesn’t fit according to your plans.

And my life? Is the one I’ve built with Ty and Sam. Us, together? Yep. I want it that way.

* * * * *