Lost and Found

Chapter Fourteen

Nate’s appointment the next afternoon didn’t go quite how he’d hoped.

When he arrived back at Krissa and Derek’s place, Derek was already there, home early. For once. No wonder they couldn’t get pregnant if Derek was never home. Then shame washed over Nate. There was a medical reason and it had nothing to do with Derek’s work schedule. And…the same could have been said about Nate and his marriage. There’d been many times he’d been away traveling, taking photographs…and somehow his wife had gotten pregnant. His gut clenched painfully.

“So, how’d it go?” Krissa asked immediately. She laid cutlery at one place setting at the table.

He hesitated. She wasn’t going to like what he was about to tell them. Hell, he didn’t like it either, although it probably didn’t affect him as much as it would them.

“Well. We can talk about it after dinner. What is for dinner?” He didn’t feel the least bit hungry, but needed to refocus Krissa. She was going to have one big meltdown, he feared.

“Actually, I ordered Thai food. Hope that’s okay.”

“Mmm, Thai. Great. I’ll go wash up.”

He escaped to his room, stood in front of the mirror, ran his tongue along his teeth. He washed his face and hands. Stood there again. Then straightened his shoulders.

He hadn’t heard the doorbell, but when he arrived in the kitchen Derek was just carrying in bags of food that had been delivered emanating odors of ginger and coconut and lemongrass. His stomach heaved.

Krissa chatted as she set the food on the table and they helped themselves. She’d visited her mother, and from the sounds of it, that hadn’t gone well. Then she’d been busy doing research and starting work on the projects she’d be doing with her new client. Her voice vibrated with excitement as she talked about it and Nate was pleased for her.

Too bad he was about to burst her happy bubble.

When they’d all finished eating, they set their plates aside but stayed at the table.

“So, tell us,” Krissa urged, her water goblet in her hand. She leaned forward, eyes sparkling, the corners of her mouth tipped up appealingly. “What happened?”

Nate glanced at Derek, who lounged back in his chair.

“Well, I learned a lot.”

“Like what?”

“Don’t get excited, Kris,” Nate said quietly. He turned his own glass between his fingers. “This isn’t a fast process.”

Her face fell. “What do you mean?”

“I have to go through a screening process, the same as if I was an anonymous sperm donor.”

“Oh. But…”

“It’s the law,” he said, knowing what she was going to say. “First of all, with a directed donor, they strongly recommend that we get legal advice and also counseling.”

“Counseling?” Her eyes widened.

Nate nodded somberly. “Yeah. When you think of it, there are a whole lot of issues that could come up. Which is why they also recommend getting a lawyer.”

He watched Krissa’s face, the changes as thoughts and emotions ran through her.

“I have to have a complete physical and they have to take blood to test for every disease known to man, I think. They’ll need to take my medical history, and my family’s medical history, and then I have to give a sample for testing. I have to meet the same criteria as anonymous donors, like I said, although it sounds like if I don’t, they still might let us do it. Then they’ll also know how many samples I would need to give. It’s usually two or three, but could be more.” He sighed. Here it came. “The samples have to be frozen and quarantined for at least six months before they can use them.”

Krissa’s mouth rounded and her eyes widened. He glanced at Derek, who blinked and looked at Krissa. “Six months?”

He nodded. “Yup.” He licked his lips. “And at the end of six months, they have to test them again.”

“Oh dear God.” He saw sadness sweep over her. “Six months.” She slumped back in her seat and stared into space. Her bottom lip pushed out. “But I’m ovulating next week.” Her voice sounded softy and shaky.

“I know.” His heart squeezed at the disappointment she must be feeling. He knew she’d been ready and eager to go with this, and she hated to wait for anything, let alone something she’d wanted and waited for so long. He reached out and took her hand and clasped it. “I’m sorry. I’m still willing to do it…the donations have to be made over a two or three week period, because you have to abstain from uh…abstain for a few days in between. I expect I’ll be here that long, at least.”

She nodded. One tear formed in a crystal drop and slid down her smooth cheek.

“And that will cost about nine hundred bucks.”

“What!” This came from Derek. “Nine hundred bucks!”

Nate choked on a laugh. “Yeah. Don’t worry, I can afford it.”

“Oh, no.” Krissa brow creased with distress and her fingers gripped his. “You don’t have to pay that, Nate. We dragged you into this. We’re paying for it.” She shot a glance at Derek, who grimaced.

“Sure,” he said. “What’s another nine hundred bucks when we’ve already spent a fortune on this.”

“Then there’s the storage fee. For six months I think it’s another few hundred dollars.”

“Jesus.”

“Well, we knew artificial insemination was going to cost a lot,” Krissa said to Derek, shaking her head. “That doesn’t matter. We can afford it.”

Derek gave a jerky nod. “It seems like a lot of money for something that could be done in five minutes.”

“Huh?” Nate looked at Derek. “Five minutes?”

“Yeah. You know. Sex.”

Nate couldn’t help his laugh. “Five minutes, buddy? Poor Krissa.”

Derek’s mouth quirked. “You know what I mean, asshole. I just mean if you do things the natural way…” His smile faded and his brows drew together.

Nate looked at Krissa, who frowned at Derek. She wiped another tear from under her eye with a fingertip.

Derek sat up straight. “Why not? Why not just do it?”

“Do what?”

“Have sex. You and Krissa.”

Nate froze. His tongue expanded in his mouth and his vision blurred. He forced out a dry laugh. “Yeah, right.”

Krissa’s eyes flicked from Derek to Nate to Derek again. She blinked rapidly. Nate released her hand and pushed away from the table.

“I’m serious,” Derek said.

“Derek!”

“What?” Derek turned his gaze to his wife. “It sounds shocking, but think about it, Krissa. You could do it next week. And it would cost us nothing.”

Her eyes went so huge Nate could see the whites all around her irises. Her lower lip trembled. She looked back at Nate.

“It’s not the money,” she whispered.

He couldn’t believe this. Derek was telling him to have sex with his wife?

Not that he didn’t want to.

Oh, Jesus. Where did that come from? He could not lust after his friend’s wife. Could. Not.

He stood up, almost knocking the chair over behind him. “This is crazy.”

But, fuck, his dick had hardened at the thought. He turned away from them, shoved a hand through his hair.

“I’m not that repulsive,” Krissa said in a soft voice.

He spun around to stare at her. Could they both actually be serious?

She stood too, held out a hand to him. He didn’t take it. Wanted to, but didn’t. Her eyes met his and implored him. He shook his head.

“Derek. Think about what you’re saying.”

“He’s doing it for me,” Krissa said. She moved closer. “Aren’t you, Derek?”

“Yes.”

Nate turned his gaze to Derek. Their eyes met and held. Nate was sure Derek was remembering, like him, another time, another woman…they’d shared her, first separately then together. But this was his wife.

“We’ve done it before,” Derek murmured. Krissa’s head snapped around.

“What?”

“In college, there was a girl I was dating. Nate liked her too. She liked us both.” He shrugged. “So she dated us both.”

“Oh.” Krissa didn’t look upset. Just…curious. She sucked in her bottom lip. “Did you…you said something the other night. About…watching.”

Still holding Nate’s gaze, Derek nodded. “Yeah. We did.”

“Oh.”

Nate turned his head slowly from side to side. “This is different.”

“Why?” Krissa asked. “Because you don’t like me enough to sleep with me?”

Why the hell was she worried about what he thought about her? She should be wondering why her husband would let her sleep with another man, for God’s sake. Nate’s chest ached, and his stomach churned. He shouldn’t have eaten all that Thai food.

“That’s not it,” he finally rasped out. How could he tell her how much the idea of sleeping with her excited him? With her husband sitting right there. Christ. He rubbed his chest.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Would you think about it?”

He and Krissa faced each other, and his vision narrowed to just her. Beautiful. Sweet. Loving. She loved to please other people, do things for them—cook for them, feed them, help with their screaming children, put drops in their eyes—she deserved to have someone do something for her. She deserved to have what she wanted.

Did he have the strength to give it to her without it destroying him?