Once Upon a Time in Bliss

Chapter Four

Nell walked out of her room and wondered if she was just doomed to be “friends” with people. Was she one of those women who just fell firmly into that class for all men? Two hours after Henry had dropped her off at her room at Mountain and Valley, she suspected just that. He’d been so passionate in her cabin. He’d held her and she’d felt the hard ridge of his erection nudging her and she’d thought, “Finally.”

And then nothing.

They’d sat in a booth at Stella’s for three hours and not once had he touched her. He’d been a perfectly pleasant companion. He’d let her do most of the talking, urging her to give him her thoughts on topics that ranged from politics to TV shows, but he hadn’t reached out and brushed his hand along hers or let his knees rest against hers.

She breathed in the chill of the night air. She had to face a few very logical facts. She wasn’t a great beauty. Sure, she wasn’t an ogre or anything, but she didn’t have Holly Lang’s figure-eight body or the model good looks of the blonde they had rescued at the bar. Even Callie had a nice set of breasts and sweet good looks. Nell wasn’t going to lie to herself. She was sort of plain and earthy and, beyond that, she could be very obnoxious when it came to her beliefs. Not an appealing combination for many men. Lots of times men walked away the minute she opened her mouth.

Nell buttoned up her coat and pushed out into the courtyard. He hadn’t even kissed her good-night. He’d made a big deal about asking her out, and then he’d just dropped her off at her doorstep and walked away. It didn’t take an idiot to know he’d changed his mind about wanting her. Maybe because he’d gotten a look at Holly and realized there were much better prospects in Bliss.

Nell growled a little. She wasn’t going to think that way. She liked Holly. Holly had been through a lot, and just because Nell wanted a man who likely thought Holly was more attractive didn’t mean that she would be unkind to Holly. Holly couldn’t help the fact that she had great boobs and Nell didn’t. Women should stick together, not allow a man to come between them. Holly was her friend, and if she started dating Henry, then Nell would just stand by her and support her.

Perhaps she was just meant to be alone like her mother had been for her whole life.

Snow covered the courtyard, the whole world blanketed in white. She walked across, leaving small imprints where her feet touched the earth. This was what she needed. If she stayed in her borrowed room, she would end up crying and feeling sorry for herself. She’d wanted to go back to the cabin, but apparently Henry had called Rye and he was going to close the place up for the night, so now she was here. And she wasn’t going to let one man who didn’t want her wreck her night. It was beautiful in a way only Bliss was. The air was fine, and the stars made a map of the heavens.

Nell turned her face up. A billion stars shone down on her, every single one a miracle. This was what she needed. She needed to be alone and to find her peace. She would sit out here just for a few minutes and soak in the beauty of this particular night. There would never be another one like this one. It was like a snowflake—perfectly unique.

“What do you see?”

She gasped and turned. Henry was sitting on the tabletop of one of the picnic benches. So much for being alone and finding peace. “What?”

His face was so serious. Naturally he had to be here, sitting there with his graceful body and handsome face. “What do you see when you look up at the sky?”

She shook her head, trying to figure out why he was here. He didn’t seem like the kind of man who just looked up at the sky as his evening’s entertainment. “Why do you care?”

His head turned up, and she could see the way he squinted, his face bunching up as he looked at the sky. “Because I see a bunch of stars that died a long time ago, but I don’t think that’s what you see.”

“No,” she replied. She glanced up. The night sky was so beautiful. Velvet and diamonds. “That’s not what I see, but I’m not dumb. I took science classes. I know the light we see is old.”

His face turned back down, staring at her. “Light travels at a speed of one hundred and eighty-six thousand, two hundred and eighty-two miles a second. Given that speed and the relative vastness of the universe, it isn’t hard to deduce that some of those stars we look at every night are already gone, turned supernova and blasted from existence, but hey, it’s pretty, right?”

Maybe Henry was as cold as the snow under her feet. She was starting to shiver a little. She had on galoshes and they weren’t doing a lot to keep the chill off her feet. She should have put on a fourth pair of socks. “You want to bring science into something that should be emotional. Should we not find a flower in bloom lovely?”

“A flower in bloom is dying.” He pointed a finger at her like she’d just stepped into a trap he’d set.

Was she back in debate club? “Yeah, well, a baby just born is dying.”

“My point exactly.”

She felt her head shake. Why was he killing her perfectly pleasant alone time? She was supposed to be able to come out here and let him go, not listen to his nihilistic views of the universe. “If I listened to your argument and gave it an ounce of credence, I would just kill myself because nothing matters.”

He shrugged as though that was a foregone conclusion. “Hence my question. What do you see?”

She sighed. She should leave, but there was something deep inside her that just couldn’t shy away from a fight. “I see light and life. Yes, it might be from a long time ago, but I’m alive in this moment and that’s all that matters right now. I see a blanket of life. I see the cradle of creation.”

He snorted. “You’re going to tell me you believe in God?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’re a crazy, bleeding-heart liberal.”

She took a long breath. All in one day she’d been called a lesbian and an atheist. Neither one was a bad thing to be, but getting labeled hurt. “You’re really more small-minded than I thought you would be. I believe that love exists at the heart of the universe. I don’t know how or really why we exist, but I know deep down that it’s to serve that love and to learn from it. It might not be God as you know it, but it’s real and valuable to me.”

“How do you know?” He whispered the question, but there was an odd desperation behind it.

“What do you mean?”

He jumped off the table, his feet hitting the snow. His face was a perfect, gorgeous blank. “How do you know there’s some pocket of love at the center of the universe? How do you know we’re not just fucking random and we live and we die and that’s the end and nothing matters? What’s your empirical evidence?”

Henry seemed to be a professor right down to his soul. She tried to find a way to explain it that he would understand. She went back to her college physics class. “All right, the first law of thermodynamics teaches us that nothing is lost.”

He shook his head and gave her a little grunt. “That describes energy in closed systems, Nell. Do better.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, standing her ground. “No. You think bigger. Energy converts. It changes form. It isn’t lost. Why would our souls be lost?”

There was a brisk laugh that came out of his mouth. “You’re running on the very sketchy theory that we humans have souls in the first place.”

She sighed. He wasn’t the one for her if he didn’t even believe in souls. “I have a soul, Henry. You do, too. Nothing in the universe is wasted. Everything evolves for a reason. There’s no real reason for the ability to love, for the human need to sacrifice for others. Tout Darwinism all you like. I believe in the theory, too, but only to a point. It isn’t present when one human being sacrifices his life for another. It isn’t there when a man runs into a burning building on the off chance that he can save the people inside. It isn’t there when a thousand soldiers run onto a beach they know they will die on because they want their children to be free. Darwinism isn’t there when people risk their lives to stand up for what they believe in when they know they’re going to die for it.”

He was silent, just standing there, his big body stiff and unmoving. There was a flat line to his mouth that told her she hadn’t gotten through to him. He’d been perfectly polite during dinner, but at some point he’d changed his mind about her because he thought she was a flake.

The funny thing was she still would have gone to bed with him. All she’d required from him was that he be polite and somewhat kind. She was ready to understand sex. She felt something deep for him. It didn’t necessarily matter that he didn’t love her. She couldn’t control that, and he was only here for a little while, so she’d been okay with it. But he didn’t even like her. He was like a million other people. He thought she was a dumb flake. She couldn’t sleep with a man who didn’t even like her. She was too picky. She’d finally found a man who called to her and he was like so many. Closed-minded. Unwilling to listen or to think even for a moment that she had something important to say.

She couldn’t sell herself so cheaply.

Perhaps the time had come to ask Holly about a vibrator. Holly talked about sex toys sometimes. She could name it and have a relationship with it. When she wasn’t in the mood, maybe she could watch the news with it sitting on the pillow beside her.

God, even her potential sex life with an inanimate object was boring. Henry was still standing there staring, and it was time to cut her losses.

“Uhm, I guess I’ll go back inside. Thanks again for dinner.” He’d been a gentleman, insisting on paying for dinner. She turned to go. She would just read until she fell asleep, if she could fall asleep. But she had to get out of here. She couldn’t stand how cold her feet had gotten.

Nell had moved exactly two steps before he was in front of her, his big chest a wall blocking her progress.

“I don’t understand you,” Henry said, his face a complete blank.

“You don’t have to.”

He was close. So close. She could feel the heat of his body. “I should leave you alone.”

Then why wasn’t he? Tears threatened. God, she hated that. She couldn’t just be calm. She always had to get emotional. No matter how many times she got kicked, her heart still got involved. Her brain was willing to let go, but her heart still wanted and she couldn’t seem to make it stop. “Then go away, Henry. I didn’t come out here looking for you. I’m not going to follow you around. I promise I’m not going to bug you. It was a bad date. We can both walk away.”

He frowned, his face setting in hard lines. “It wasn’t a bad date. It was nice. I liked talking to you.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not stupid, Henry. You didn’t have a good time. You got rid of me as fast as you could.”

“No, I didn’t. That blonde lady who was dressed like Annie Oakley said there was a storm coming in. I wanted to get up the mountain before it hit. I’m not used to driving in the snow.”

He’d driven with complete competence. “That’s dumb. You’re an excellent driver. You just wanted to get back so you could get away from me.”

His eyes seemed to find the ground. “Maybe.”

Her heart sank. “Well, don’t let me intrude. I’ll try to avoid you from now on.”

She would do just that. She wasn’t going to force herself on the man. It hurt too much. Why? She’d only known him for a day, and she didn’t really know him at all. So why was her heart breaking? Why did she think she was missing out on something good? Why did she think she would regret not being with him for the rest of her life?

“Damn it, Nell.” His hand shot out, grabbing her elbow and stopping her from walking away. “I’m not good for you.”

Yeah, she got that. “Fine. Then let me go.”

His fingers tightened. “I tried. Do you have any fucking idea how hard it was to let you go in the first place?”

“I think it was pretty easy since you did it without batting an eyelash. Let me go, Henry. My feet are getting so cold.” It was sinking into her skin. She was going to embarrass herself by shaking and chattering.

He leaned over and shoved one muscular arm under her knees, hauling her up before she could protest.

“What are you doing?” She’d never been picked up before. She couldn’t think of a time she’d been cradled in another human’s arms. She’d been a baby, most likely. This was what it felt like to be adored and cuddled and beloved. And she had to make it stop.

He didn’t let her go. He started walking toward the doors, his long legs making quick work of the distance. “I’m taking you inside where you’ll be warm.”

“I can walk on my own.”

“But you don’t have to. See. This is the problem. You want to be a completely independent female, and I want to carry you around and protect you and do all the dumb crap you shouldn’t have to do.”

What game was he playing? He was saying one thing and doing another. “Let me down, Henry. You made your choice when you dropped me off, and I’m going to do us both a favor and make you keep to it.”

“Then you shouldn’t have walked outside. You shouldn’t have let me get another shot.”

He was so frustrating. “I wasn’t giving you another shot, you Neanderthal. I was trying to forget you.”

He kicked open the door and started walking down the hallway. At this time of night, it was deserted. “And I was trying to forget you, and you made that utterly impossible by walking out into that courtyard. Did you know there are three separate courtyards in this compound? This one is the furthest one from your room.”

She kept her voice down. The community was very tolerant, but they did enjoy a bit of gossip. “If you’re trying to say I came looking for you, I didn’t. I don’t even know where your room is.”

“It’s two doors away from yours,” he said. He wasn’t even winded. He seemed to support her like she didn’t weigh anything at all. “We both walked the furthest destination we could and at roughly the same time. I’d been sitting there for five minutes and wondering if I shouldn’t go inside. Either one of us could have taken a simple left or right and we wouldn’t have met tonight, but that didn’t happen. You walked all the way here and I walked all the way here and we met.”

“And we can unmeet, Henry.”

His head shook. “No, I thought we could, but now I’m wondering.”

“You said you were bad for me.” She kept arguing, but a little bit of hope was starting to light inside her.

“I am, but I’m starting to wonder if you might be good for me.” His arms tightened slightly, cradling her closer.

She loved how small she felt in his arms, but she didn’t love what he was saying. “That’s not fair, Henry.”

“The world isn’t fair. That’s why you do half the shit you do.”

“It’s not shit, and that’s precisely why you should put me down.”

He stopped in the middle of the hall, setting her down. “Fine. If that’s what you really want.”

He pushed every single button she had. Nell started to turn to go, but she just couldn’t. Not without giving him a piece of her mind. He’d shoved his mean-spirited beliefs at her and made her feel dumb. She should walk away. It was what she did, but she couldn’t. Not when he was standing there looking so secure and blasé, like he didn’t really care. “You think what I do is shit?”

“I think it’s naïve,” he corrected. “It’s braver to just accept the world as it is. Smarter, too.”

An ember of anger was settling in her gut. “You know what I think?”

“I think you’re probably going to tell me.”

“I think you’re the coward. I think everyone who just accepts that the world is unfair and doesn’t do a thing about it, they’re the cowards. We push every day to find new medical breakthroughs. We push to invent new technology. And I push every day so this planet is a better place for everyone, and you can look down on me and call me a kook, but people like me are the reason for democracy. We’re the reason women can vote. We’re the reason we have words in our vocabulary like human rights. Philosophers, thinkers, activists are the reason for every breakthrough humanity has made in becoming a more fair place. You think we’re not fair now, buddy? Go back a hundred and fifty years and try being a slave in the South. Activists changed that. And they were considered naïve and foolish, too. The things we accept as normal and fair today were once fought for and won by people like me, so I will keep my naïveté and you can keep your cynicism. I hope you two are very happy together.”

She turned to go. She wouldn’t think about him again. She’d said what she needed to say. Now she could forget him and move on.

Except his hand reached out, grabbing her elbow and spinning her around.

Nell gasped, her body off-balance. She started to stumble, but Henry’s arms went around her, hauling her back up. She was right where she’d been before, cradled against his big, strong chest. “What are you doing?”

“Something dumb.”

“You put me down.”

“I can’t. I tried, but you just keep talking, Nell.” He walked across the smaller courtyard, the one she should have gone to but didn’t. It took him about five long strides to get inside the wing where their respective rooms were. “I was going to leave you alone. I was going to play it smart.”

What had changed his mind? “Henry, stop.”

“I tried to stop. I tried to be the gentleman, but I’ve decided that the universe doesn’t want that.”

“You don’t believe in a higher power.”

“No, but I’m starting to believe in you.” He looked down at her, those deep brown eyes of his hot on her face. He’d said the exact right thing to make her melt. She knew she should call him a liar, but she didn’t want to. She wanted him. She wanted to know what it was like to be in Henry Flanders’s strong arms. He would leave, but she would know what it meant to be held by him, loved by him.

“Oh, Henry, are you going to make love to me?”

He managed to get his door open without ever putting her down. He was in the room in two strides, placing her on the bed. Like all the single rooms at the Mountain and Valley, it was a small double bed.

He looked down at her, one hand finding her hair. “Make love to you? Yes, I think I am. It’s going to be a change of pace for me.”

She had no idea what he meant by that, but her head was whirling and she wasn’t sure she was capable of making a decent decision, and that was kind of cool. Mistakes. She rarely made them, and life was made of brilliantly beautiful mistakes. Her heart might break later, but she would know what it meant to feel this passion.

She wanted. She wanted in a greedy way, and it was lovely. So much of her life was about giving that this moment seemed perfect because it was shared by two people who wanted one thing. Pleasure. Connection. Love. She wasn’t foolish enough to think that making love meant forever, but in a way it did. She would remember it forever. He could forget all he liked. She didn’t control that, but this experience would remain in her heart for as long as she drew breath.

Henry unzipped his coat and tossed it to the side. “Give me your coat, and then I want you to take off your shirt very slowly.”

He ripped his own shirt off. It was the same one he’d worn to dinner. A plain black cashmere sweater over a black T-shirt. He pulled them both over his head and they went the way of the coat, slung to the corner of the room in a random pile. Nell couldn’t help but stare. His chest was a work of art. It was rather shocking. When he was wearing clothes, there was a blandness to his features that belied the hard state of his body. He was quite cute. She wouldn’t deny that. He was handsome but in a professorial way, not a superpredatory, athletic way, yet his chest told a different tale. Perfectly sculpted and defined, Henry liked to work out. No doubt about it.

She wasn’t close to him. She was a little out of shape. She walked a lot, but there was a curve to her belly that never went away no matter how well she ate. What would he think when she got her clothes off?

“When I said slow, Nell, I didn’t mean a snail’s pace.” He held out his hand.

She took a long breath.

“What’s wrong, Nell?”

“I’m not as pretty as you.”

His dark eyes rolled. “Uhm, I call bullshit on that. You’re far prettier, and I want to see you naked. Are you going to give me hell about it?”

He wanted to see her naked, and she kind of wanted to be naked with him. Totally wanted to be naked with him. She could be a coward or she could try to get what she wanted. If he laughed and walked away, she would totally rethink her stance on nonviolence. She unbuttoned her coat, passing it to him. Unlike his own clothes, he hung her coat up and held out his hand for her shirt.

With shaking hands, she pulled her cotton shirt over her head, leaving her in nothing but a plain white bra. She shivered in the still chilly air.

“Damn it, you’re still cold.” His hands went to her feet, pulling her galoshes off and then her socks. Her feet were in his hands. He put them to his belly, covering them with his palms. Her freezing feet were enveloped in heat, his skin covering her.

It was the sweetest gesture. She was surrounded by his heat. Her feet. They weren’t sexy. There was nothing even vaguely sexual about her feet. His hands rubbed on her skin. After a moment, he pulled one into his hand and started a long, slow rub that nearly made her purr.

“What do you like, Nell?”

She liked him. Oh, she really liked him. “I like social justice.”

Sexy. That was so sexy. Well, it was sexy to her. Probably not so much with him.

“I was talking about sex, Nell. What do you like sexually?” He kept up the press of his thumb against her foot. It made her eyes threaten to close with just how good it felt.

“I have no idea, but I really like the foot rub. It’s making me reconsider pedicures. I’ve heard the technicians at Polly’s Cut and Curl always give a foot rub, but I’ve stayed away because they also use toxic chemicals. Do you think I could get the rub without the chemicals?”

“Nell, are you trying to tell me you’re a virgin?” Henry had stopped his slow rub and stood there staring down at her.

Maybe she shouldn’t admit to that. He didn’t look like he wanted to hear a “yes” to that particular question. “I was just trying to tell you about the foot rub.”

His eyes hardened. “Are you a virgin, Nell?”

She was going to give lying a really good try. “No.”

He flipped her over, and she nearly screamed when his hand came down on her backside in a short, sharp arc. “Don’t lie to me.”

“Henry, you spanked me.” She felt her eyes widen as she turned and looked back at him.

A slow, incredibly sexy smile crossed his face. “And I’ll do it again if you don’t answer me honestly. It’s not like you can hide it, baby. I’ll know the minute I shove my cock inside, so you should tell me now.”

“You spanked me, Henry, and you didn’t even set up limits before you disciplined me. We don’t have a contract.” She wasn’t dumb. She knew how things worked. She’d read an enormous amount of erotic fiction. Not that she mentioned it to any of her protesting friends.

He flipped her back over. He needed to stop treating her like she was a toy he was playing with. She was just about to mention that fact to him when he looked down at her with the darkest eyes. “Who’s your Dom?”

“I don’t have a Dom.” She shook her head. “You were right. I’m a virgin. But you should know I have done some kissing in my time. And some heavy petting.”

He didn’t laugh, just loomed over her, holding her wrists in his hands. “What do you know about contracts and discipline?”

“I read books,” she admitted. He would laugh at her like everyone else.

A little smile finally lit up his face. “You read books? Books about BDSM? You read BDSM romances. You read silly romances, don’t you?”

“They aren’t silly. I like them.” He was going to make her cry again. Damn it. Sometimes those stupid books were all that got her through the day. They were her comfort food.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Don’t take it like that. I think it’s sweet.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “You read erotica. I wouldn’t have expected that. I like it, Nell. You can read it to me. We can get hot together and we’ll make love.”

“They’re really about love you know.” She felt a need to defend her chosen reading.

“Of course they are. You wouldn’t read them otherwise.” Henry’s lips brushed hers, and she started to sink into that nice, drugged feeling she got whenever he was close. “And it makes it easier to explain what I want from you. I want submission, Nell.”

“I don’t know that I’m very submissive, Henry.” The words came out in a breathy puff that had Henry laughing.

“Not in your normal life, baby, but here you will be. You’ve reacted beautifully any time I’ve taken control. Tell me you’re not getting wet right now.”

“Henry, that’s very forward of you.” And yes, her panties were in a state from attempting to soak up her arousal. She hoped that one hundred percent organically grown cotton would do the job, but she was getting really damp.

He pushed off the bed and stood over her. “I’m going to get a lot more forward, sweetheart. You need to make a decision. I want to fuck you tonight. I want to be your man for as long as I’m here and while I’m your man, I’ll be in charge of this part of our lives. I’ll let you take control of everything else.”

She hated that phrase “for as long as I’m here,” but she understood. He was trying to be honest with her. He couldn’t stay here forever. He had a job and a life. This was a brief moment in time. This moment was really all anyone could count on. “All right, Henry. For as long as you’re here.”

“Take off your clothes, Nell. I know this is new to you, but you can stop me at any time. No safewords tonight. A ‘no’ will suffice.” He pulled out the chair that accompanied the small desk every single room had. He curled his lean body into it and sat back. “I want to see you naked. I want to see what my little submissive has to offer me.”

His little submissive. She wasn’t all that little, but the way he said it made her feel sexy. “You really want to see me?”

It seemed too good to be true.

“Baby, I can’t fake this.” He scooted his hips out, allowing her to see the way his erection tented his pants.

Wow. That wasn’t some teeny tiny thing. That was a really big thing. A really big penis.

“Nell, take your clothes off or we will start the discipline. I’ll start with twenty smacks, and I promise you’ll still be naked at the end of it.”

Well, put that way, she should just do it. She could see plainly that he wasn’t going to make this easy on her, and she was okay with that. She could have had any number of men or boys who would have just taken her because she was available, but she’d wanted someone who wanted her. Henry’s dark eyes held hers. He wanted her. Nell Finn.

Her hands shook slightly as she undid the buttons of her shirt.

“That’s what I want,” he whispered. “I’ll take care of you, Nell. Do you understand what I mean? Do your books cover that?”

Tears filled her eyes. Yes, her books covered that. If she did as he asked, they were entering a kind of contract where he would offer her affection and comfort and protection in return for trust and acceptance. All in all, it was a sweet trade and so much more honest than anything she’d been offered before. “Yes, Henry.”

“Oh, I like to hear that. No Sirs or Masters. Just ‘yes, Henry.’” He winked at her as his hand found the fly of his pants and started to work the zipper. “Show me your breasts, Nell. I’ve been thinking about them since the minute you walked into Bill’s office. You walked in and I’ve been hard ever since. I’m going to be gentle, but don’t think for a second that I haven’t been hot for you all day long.”

She let the shirt fall to the bed. He was being honest, and she would do the same. She wasn’t some teenager who didn’t understand the world. She knew how it worked. Despite her deep love of happily ever afters, she knew the most she could hope for was a happily ever now. She did kind of wish that organic cotton bras came in more attractive fashions. Hers was pretty industrial looking.

“Slowly, Nell. Take it off slowly.”

She reached around and managed to unhook it. She was deeply aware that she was awkward, but Henry didn’t seem to mind. And neither did little Henry, and by little Henry she meant big penis. He pushed aside his pants and let his cock pop free. Henry’s cock was large and gorgeous, with a beautiful bulbous head. Thick and purple, it pulsed in his hand as he stroked it up and down. His big hand gripped his dick, running from the base to the bulb as his eyes watched her.

She peeled the bra off slowly, her nipples peaking in the chilly air. She’d been naked plenty of times. Her mother loved it up here at Mountain and Valley. They came up for social hours and parties and Nell never had a single qualm about getting down to her birthday suit, but it felt different now. She felt his eyes on her. Her nipples were hard pebbles. She was going to lose her virginity. She was going to lose her heart. It suddenly hit her that she would love Henry Flanders after this, and he hadn’t promised her anything.

But nothing was certain. Nothing in the whole world. And love was worth the risk. She couldn’t know that he wanted her for anything more than a night. She could only try. She wanted him. She thought she might be able to really care about him. And if he took her without any caring, that was on him, not her.

But not trying would be on her.

She’d waited for so long, but this was the right man.

She let the bra fall away.

Henry’s sigh filled the room. “You are so fucking gorgeous, baby.”

His beautiful dark eyes were sleepy and laser focused on her breasts. She felt them like a hand caressing her. His voice was a deep rich chocolate, and she could hear the approval in it. It ran down her spine, a sweet shiver that went straight to all her girl parts.

“I think you’re lovely, too, Henry.”

A slow smile crossed his face. “You would think that.” His hand ran up and down his thick cock. “Take off your pants. I want to see your pussy.”

Her whole body flushed. How could he just talk that way? He didn’t have a single problem with dirty words. She’d always found them repulsive until they came out of his mouth in that dark voice of his. Her hands moved almost of their own volition, curving under the waist of her undies and pushing them down. She tossed them off the bed, and she was completely naked and open to Henry Flanders’s eyes.

He sighed, the sound a long, wanting brush against her body. “That’s just about perfect, baby. You shave. Why?”

“I don’t like the whole hair thing.” She frowned. She sometimes felt she was in the minority in the protesting world. She knew a couple of very smart women who could probably braid their underarm hair. She’d never seen a lack of grooming as a good protesting measure. “I know it’s weird, but I feel better like this.”

“Oh, you look better like that. If you were mine, I would have you lasered, baby. I don’t want anything between me and my pussy.” His hand just ran up and down his cock, the length of flesh hard and unrelenting. There was a pearly drop at the tip. His hand flicked over it, using it to make his strokes flow more smoothly. She responded to the sight. Her pussy seemed to pulse as though she could feel everything he was doing to his own cock.

It was wrong. She shouldn’t allow some man to tell her what she would do, but she kind of wanted to, and making the decision for herself was the very essence of feminism. She wanted to play with Henry Flanders. She understood what it meant going in, so she wasn’t fooling herself. He was here for a brief time. She could have him while he was here. She wanted any time he could give her.

Maybe it made her pathetic to be willing to take so little, but it also made her human and a woman. Women never knew what they would get going into a relationship. Women just cared and hoped for the best and, when they were really smart, forgave themselves if it all went to hell. That last part was the most important part of all. Forgiveness began at home.

“You look so serious, Nell. This is supposed to be fun.”

“It’s supposed to be sacred.”

His face fell. His hand came away from his cock. She’d said the wrong thing. Silence encroached, and she was deeply aware of just how vulnerable she was.

“You’re right,” he replied slowly. “It’s a sacred thing for a woman like you. I want to be here with you, Nell. I want it more than anything I’ve wanted in a long time, but I don’t know that I can stay here with you and I know damn well I won’t bring you into my world. I feel more for you than I’ve felt for any woman in years, but I won’t take something from you that you would rather wait to give. I’m not a good man, Nell. I’m rather awful, but I promise I’ll take care of you as long as I’m here. I won’t look at another woman. I’ll only think about you. I’ll be yours one hundred percent while I’m here.”

Could she really ask for more? He was being honest. He couldn’t stay and she couldn’t go. She had to stay with her mom. Her mother needed her. They were worlds apart, but they wanted each other. It was so much harder to be honest. He could have promised her to stay or to take her with him, but he’d been brave. He’d tried to set her expectations. He’d been a real man.

“I still want you, Henry, but I’ll be honest with you, too. I can’t go into this telling you that it won’t mean anything to me. It will. I’ll remember you always. You’ll always be my first lover.”

He stood up, and for a second she worried he would run out the door. “I won’t forget you, either, Nell. I know you might not believe me, but you’re different from the other women I’ve had. You’re meaningful. Even when I leave, you should know that I won’t forget you. All you have to do is tell Bill you need me and I’ll come back. I meant what I said. I’ll take care of you, Nell. If you give yourself to me tonight, it means something. It is sacred.”

She couldn’t ask for more than that. “I would like to be with you, Henry. For however long you choose to stay.”

His skin flushed, the first real palpable emotion she’d seen in him. He moved toward her, the most serious look on his face. “I’ll stay as long as I can. I want you to believe that. I really want you, Nell. I think I need you.”

For the first time since they’d begun, she was the aggressor. She put her hand out, grasping his, pulling him toward her. She was going to be with Henry Flanders tonight. She was going to be his lover. “Come and kiss me, please, Henry.”

He needed the politeness. She could see that now. She’d handled him all wrong. People needed different things, and it was wrong to withhold them. Henry needed to be needed. He craved it like a flower needed sunshine. And Nell needed to give. She gave so much, but often to people who didn’t want her there. What would it feel like to give to someone who truly wanted her?

Henry stared at her like she was some indecipherable mystery, but his knee met the bed and his hands found her skin. Warmth spread across her as he filled the space between them. He took her into his arms.

“You’re screwing up all my plans, Nell.” He said the words, but she could feel a smile spread across his lips as he kissed her cheek.

“I don’t mean to.” She didn’t mean to screw up anything, but she really liked the way his arms curled around her. It felt like caring and protection. It utterly disarmed her. She had nothing to put up between them, no arguments, no talk. What could she say to him besides the obvious?

His forehead nestled against hers. “You might not mean to, but you’re the sweetest bundle of chaos I’ve ever come across. You’re like Pandora. I can’t fucking resist you. I think you might be my downfall.”

His hands came up and cupped her breasts and she couldn’t breathe, much less respond. And, quite frankly, she’d always appreciated the Pandora myth. In Greek mythology, Pandora had been the first woman, their Eve. She’d been the one to bring strife into the world, but also she’d been the one to save hope. Humans were nothing without some struggle. Humans fought and overcame and won. There was nothing without a fight.

Love was a fight. Love was something to work for. She wasn’t as naïve as everyone thought she was. She knew that even with a little luck, real love took work.

She wouldn’t get that from Henry. He would leave, but she could have connection, a momentary bond that could prove that love might happen to her someday. And even if it didn’t, she would know what it felt like because she thought she just might love Henry Flanders and that was a beautiful thing.

His lips found hers. She didn’t hesitate this time. She flowered open beneath him. She let him in, his tongue surging past her lips to find synchronicity with hers. His tongue rubbed, lighting her up. His mouth slanted over hers, his hands twisting her body in a sweetly bossy way.

Her nipples brushed against the light dusting of hair on his muscular chest. They flared, pointing out and becoming ridiculously sensitive. Every touch of his flesh seemed to run along her skin. He pulled her close, sweeping the space between them away, closing all distance. The slightly distracted man he’d been was gone, and now he seemed fully in the moment with her. All doubt washed away. This felt right.

She let her hands wander. He was a deliciously masculine playground. He had muscle after muscle, each one encased in smooth, perfect flesh. She explored his shoulders, so broad and straight. His arms curved, flowing from hard biceps into perfectly curved forearms. His chest was a marvel. He was a mystery, and she so wanted to solve him. She allowed her fingertips to brush his perfectly tight abs.

“Lower, Nell. Touch me.” Henry’s voice sounded slightly strangled. He took off his glasses and tossed them to the side.

He wanted her to touch his penis. She’d sort of kind of touched one before. Well, she’d felt one with undies between them, but she didn’t hesitate. Her hand knew just where it wanted to go. She stroked down his stomach to his penis.

“Touch my cock, Nell.”

His cock. He wasn’t polite. He didn’t just sit there and hope she did what he wanted. There was a sort of joy in that. She knew exactly what he wanted. She looked down between their bodies. His penis—his cock—was standing at attention, practically begging for a pet. Yes, she could please him. She could be enough for him. She let her palm enclose that big cock of his. So hard and yet so soft. Like the man.

“Fuck, that’s it. That feels good, Nell. Yeah. Stroke me.”

The deep timbre of his voice spurred her on. She liked this whole “talking during affection” thing. Before it had been awkward. She hadn’t known where to kiss or touch and she’d just kind of lain back and hoped for the best, but Henry told her what he wanted. He kind of demanded it, and she was happy to comply.

He’d spanked her and ordered her to undress, and he’d fought for her.

She knew it was wrong, but it felt right.

She stroked his cock, her fingers fumbling. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

His face was a mask of arousal. “You won’t hurt me. A cock is solidly built, baby. Stroke me hard. Be rough. I’ll like it. I’m going to be a little rough with you. Not tonight, but later. Later, I’m going to play hard, Nell, but I promise I’ll make you like it. I’ll make you fucking crave it.”

She already craved him, and she hadn’t really had him yet. She gripped his cock harder, but even flexing her hand, she barely managed to close her palm around him.

He hissed slightly. “That’s it. Stroke me. Get me hard and ready to fuck.”

He seemed really hard. She wasn’t sure how much harder he could get, but she was game to try. She let her hand run the full, long length of his cock. She had zero real experience, but he was so lovely. She stared at the cock in her hand, studying it with eager eyes. Numerous anatomy classes hadn’t prepared her for just how pretty it was. A long purple vein throbbed under her palm. He was neatly trimmed, just a hint of hair that led down to his balls. Perfect round globes that sat tight against his body. He was perfect in every way.

“Lie back on the bed and spread your legs for me, Nell.” His voice had taken on that sweet, bossy tone she’d come to associate with his sexual arousal. And his protectiveness. They seemed to go hand in hand.

She let go of his cock. When he got that tone of voice, he meant business. It was the mistake she’d made at her cabin. She hadn’t handled him properly. She could see that now. Henry needed to be in charge of certain things, and when he wasn’t allowed to be, he struggled. He’d wanted to protect her, and she’d chosen to defer to the men she knew. At the time, it had seemed like the right thing to do, but Rye Harper had never picked her up and carried her down a hall. He’d never tossed her on a bed and demanded she undress.

She owed something to her lover, no matter how long she’d known him.

It took every ounce of bravery she had, but she spread her legs and let him see her core.

His hands found her ankles, brushing restlessly against them. His chest let loose a long, happy sigh as he stared right at that part of her that seemed to start so many political debates.

“Damn, you’re lovely.” He pressed on her ankles, pushing them up so her knees fell apart and she was fully on display. “I don’t understand how you could possibly be a virgin. How can no man have claimed this?”

“I didn’t want anyone until you.” She wouldn’t hide from him.

“I’m glad, baby.” His hands started a long, slow crawl up her legs, warming her skin everywhere he touched. “Tell me what you’ve done. You’ve kissed, right?”

Not like he kissed her, but she had done something that could be called kissing. “Yes.”

His hands were on her knees, moving to her thighs. “Had you ever touched a cock before? Ever taken one in your mouth?”

Henry liked to talk a lot. He hadn’t seemed that way earlier. When they were in the car, he’d allowed her to talk the whole time. At dinner, he’d interjected a comment here or there, but for the most part, he’d kept her talking. Now he seemed to really want to talk. “No. I mean, I touched one through clothes, but I certainly didn’t do the mouth thing.”

A sexy smile curled up his lips. “I went too far, didn’t I? I went straight from kissing to oral sex. How about second base?”

She shook her head. “Oh, I didn’t play softball. I wasn’t very big into sports.”

A laugh came out of his mouth, and she finally got to see a brilliant smile on his face. It made him younger, lighter, so much more dangerous. His hands came out, and his fingertips lightly brushed her nipples. “I was talking about your breasts, Nell. Have you had a man play with your breasts?”

She felt a grimace cross her face. “Just some groping in college, and I didn’t really like it. He pinched me.”

He moved on the bed, shifting and getting behind her. “Move between my legs.”

Nell felt awkward, but she did as he asked, allowing him to get behind her so his back was to the headboard. She scooted back, not quite sure what he was doing. His arms came out, drawing her toward him so her back was cradled against his chest, his legs surrounding hers. She was suddenly completely wrapped in strong arms and legs, the intimacy piercing in its sweetness. He’d meant what he’d said. He was going to take care of her. She’d spread herself open for him, given him every indication that she was ready for sex, but he hadn’t just jumped on top of her. He was giving her real intimacy. He was making it special.

He pushed her hair to the side and kissed the nape of her neck, causing her to shiver. “I want to play with your breasts. I want to show you how much I like them, how important they are.”

“I don’t think they’re very sensitive.”

“Let me be the judge of that.” His big hands came up and cupped her breasts. “Your breasts are like all the other parts of your gorgeous body. They need attention.”

His palms moved across her breasts, not groping or grasping but touching and stimulating. She couldn’t help the gasp that came from her chest. His fingers played on her nipples, little touches that made her squirm and then long, gentle squeezes. All the while, his lips played at her neck, kissing and licking. She could feel his erection against the small of her back. He was so hard, but he kept playing with her, making her hot. His ankles caught hers, spreading her legs.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Nell.” He breathed the words against her throat.

“I’m not thinking.” She wasn’t thinking at all. She wasn’t formulating arguments in her head or going through all the things she needed to do. She was just feeling.

“That’s what I want to hear.” His fingers twisted on her nipples.

Nell gasped. Pain flared but it quickly turned to heat that coursed through her veins and made a direct line to her pussy. Her legs moved restlessly against his.

“I think you’re beginning to understand. This is supposed to be good for you. I can make this very good for you.”

It felt really good. It felt spectacular. “Yes, Henry.”

“Trust me, Nell. Put yourself in my care. Let me take care of you.” He pinched her nipples again, his lips on her ear. “Submit to me. Just here in the bedroom. Submit. Tell me I’m the Master here.”

He really was the master. “Yes, Henry.”

He hissed, his body going hard behind her. “I want you, Nell. I’m going to take you.”

She found herself flat on her back. One minute she was in front of him, and the next he had flipped himself over and covered her. His weight pressed her down into the bed. Heat from his body poured into hers. She loved the way his chest brushed hers and how they fit together. She felt drugged as he kissed her. His lips caressed hers and then went lower, nuzzling her neck.

“No one’s ever sucked your nipples.” He sounded like he was talking more to himself than her. As though memorizing an inventory of everything he was taking.

His tongue came out, curling around her nipple. She shivered and then let her hands find his hair as his lips covered her nipple, sucking it in. He played with her, laving and sucking and then biting down with a sweet sharpness. He switched to the other nipple, giving it the same attention.

“No one’s loved your belly.” He moved down, his tongue delving into her belly button. He was running his tongue over her, his hands moving her to suit his needs. She didn’t have to do anything, just let him adore her.

“And no man’s ever gotten a taste of this sugar.” His mouth was right over her pussy. Her heart rate tripled. She could feel his heat as his lips hovered. “Tell me no one’s ever put his mouth on this pussy and eaten you until you screamed.”

Her voice came out in a low huff. “No. No one’s ever done that.”

And suddenly she really, really wanted someone to do that. Oh, yes. His breath played over her flesh. She could feel herself swelling in anticipation.

“You’re going to remain very still, Nell. I want you to reach above your head and grasp the slats on the headboard. You’re going to hold on to them, and they will help you to not move while I play with you. You’re mine right now, Nell. You’re going to obey me.”

She should be protesting him, but, no, her hands didn’t seem at all interested in protesting what was an obvious male grab for power. Nope. Her arms just drifted up, and her suddenly submissive fingers found the headboard and curled around it. Obedience wasn’t necessarily a bad word, she decided. She obeyed things like traffic laws and karmic laws and the rules of recycling. She was just obeying the rules of sex, and Henry seemed to be an expert. Yes, she could justify it that way.

And then she wasn’t thinking at all as Henry’s tongue came out, and he licked a long line along her pussy.

Nell gasped, her hips shifting.

Henry’s head came up, his handsome face frowning. “Be still, Nell. I’ll stop and spank you if you can’t obey.”

She didn’t want him to stop. Maybe this whole sex thing didn’t have to be a pure partnership. Or maybe she should rethink her idea of a partnership. It didn’t always have to be fifty-fifty every minute of the day. Maybe it could be a sweet symphony where each partner did what they did best in order to please the other. What did Henry need? He needed to be in control here. He was telling her exactly what he needed and not prevaricating about it. It was really a great thing when she thought about it.

“I’ll be still. But it’s hard because it feels so nice, Henry. You’re very good at that.”

He stared for a minute, his jaw dropping slightly. “Thank you. I’ve never actually been told that. Not in a verbal fashion.”

He needed praise. “You are very, very good, Henry. I love the way it feels. I’ve never felt anything so good.”

A slow smile crossed his face. “Oh, I can be even better, love, but I appreciate the praise. You taste so good. Nell, you taste incredible. Pure and…fair. You taste fair and right.”

She couldn’t help but giggle a little. He was trying. It was actually really sweet of him. “I’m so glad, Henry. Please won’t you kiss me again? I promise I’ll be still. I’ll try to.”

His face, so hard before, softened. “I can handle your enthusiasm. We’ll work on it, baby, but for now, I just want to eat you up.”

His head lowered again, and he made good on his promise. His tongue licked and loved and his lips sucked. His tongue was everywhere, spreading affection. Nell had to concentrate, forcing her legs to stay still. It felt perfect. He ate her like a dessert and for the first time in her life, she felt adored.

Over and over he ran his tongue along her flesh, and his hands left her thighs as though he knew she would stay still. She looked down her body, Henry’s dark head at her core. He looked up, tilting his head slightly. His eyes met hers and he sucked one petal of her labia into his mouth.

She felt the connection flow between them. This was why she’d waited all this time. She’d waited for a man she had a real connection to. He’d annoyed her and tempted her, but she’d felt the connection the minute she’d seen him. The minute she’d touched him, she’d felt an electricity between them. She might never feel this again.

“Tell me how this feels, love.” He teased a finger against her pussy.

“So good.” She whimpered. It was so hard to stay still, but she’d promised.

“Do you want more?”

She needed more. She needed so much more than that finger. It dipped in and out of her pussy, teasing inside. “Yes.”

“I can give you so much more, Nell.” The words were warm on her skin. “But you have to give me something first. I want your orgasm. I want to hear you come.”

His finger dove deep, and he settled his mouth over her again. He sucked her clitoris into his mouth, and Nell nearly screamed. Pleasure raced across her skin, heat filling her.

She was bigger than she’d been the moment before. She cried out, calling his name. She was less alone, happier.

Every cell in her body came alive, and she knew she’d found something important.

She settled down. Henry’s head came up. “Please make love to me. Please, Henry.”

She was ready.