Passion and Ponies

Chapter 20 – Fisting – For the Win

- Tyler -

“You can’t propose to Charlotte by just handing her a puppy, it’s boring. Big mistake. Big. HUGE!” I yell, taking a sip of my beer.

“I’m really concerned that you just quoted Pretty Woman,” Gavin states with a shake of his head.

“Dude, that’s every guy’s dream. Get a hooker for the night and then keep her forever without having to pay by the hour.”

Gavin sets his bottle down and stares at me. “That is NO man’s dream.”

“You’re out of touch with reality, my friend. It’s every man’s dream, they just don’t like to talk about it,” I explain. “I’m breaking the silence! HOOKERS ARE PEOPLE TOO!”

While Ava and Charlotte went out with Rocco tonight for some girl time, Gavin and I decided to stay in so he could drum up some proposal ideas. So far, all of them suck ass, so I called in reinforcement to help him out. I mean really, this is going to be one of the biggest days of his life. He needs help.

“Alright, I’ve got jumper cables, ten quarts of BBQ sauce and a really nice rhinestone tiara that we could take apart and shape into a ring,” Drew announces as he walks through Gavin’s front door, his arms full of bags.

He kicks the door closed behind him and dumps everything in the middle of the living room.

“I already bought Charlotte a ring, we don’t need to make one,” Gavin says, getting up from the couch to look through the bags.

“Fine, be a snobby little bitch. I’ll have you know I make beautiful decoupage rings out of Polymer Clay, rubber cement and Mod Podge,” he announces proudly.

Gavin ignores him, reaching into a bag and pulling out the largest flesh-colored rubber fist I’ve ever seen. He holds it up in the air staring at it while the thing flops back and forth.

“What the ever living fuck is this?” Gavin asks. “Please tell me this is not an actual FISTING fist.”

Drew smiles and walks over to Gavin, grabbing the fist out of his hand. “This is Duke. He’s a member of the family and he wants to help with the proposal.”

Drew shakes the fist in front of Gavin’s face. “Say hi to Duke.”

Gavin scrunches up his face and moves away from the rubber fist. “I swear to God if that thing is one of yours and Aunt Jenny’s sex toys I am going to puke all over this floor.”

Drew pulls Duke close to his chest and looks at Gavin in shock. “I would NEVER defile Duke like that.”

He holds the fist up to his face and speaks in a baby voice. “Don’t you listen to big, bad Gavin, Duke. Daddy loves you.”

“Where in the hell did you even get that thing?” I ask, staring in awe at Duke. If it wasn’t so creepy looking, it really would be a thing of beauty. When I say it’s a fist, I mean it’s a fucking fist from elbow to fingers. That thing has got to be at least twelve inches long and six inches in diameter.

“Jenny and I rescued him from a sex toy mill,” Drew tells us.

“I’m sorry, a what?” Gavin asks.

“A sex toy mill. It’s like a puppy mill but worse. All of these sex toys crammed into boxes with no light or air, just waiting to die. It was so hard to just save one when there were so many who could use our help, but we saw Duke and we knew he had to come home with us,” Drew explains, hugging Duke a little tighter to himself.

“Oh, sweet Jesus, that thing was a USED sex toy?” Gavin yells, scrambling up from the floor and moving as far away from Drew as possible.

Drew quickly sets Duke on the coffee table so he’s standing straight up in the air and covers his hands over Duke’s closed fist. “SHHHHHH! Not so loud, asshole! We don’t like to talk about Duke’s horrific past.”

Drew goes over to the couch and flops down on the cushions. “So, I was thinking Duke could help you out with the proposal. He just had a manicure and he has an appointment for a facial tomorrow.”

I laugh. “Let me guess, a cream pie facial?”

Gavin dry heaves and Drew shakes his head at me.

“He lived that long, lonely life for far too long, Tyler. Duke is on to bigger and better things.”

Drew turns to Gavin who is currently pressed up against the far wall of the living room, as away from Duke as possible. “So, I was thinking. We could tie a ribbon around Duke’s neck with the stupid ring you BOUGHT from a store and you could hold him out to Charlotte. We’ve been practicing his ‘serene’ face and I totally think he’s got it down.”

While Drew and Gavin start arguing about Duke being a part of the proposal, I pull my phone out of my pocket and try not to be disappointed that I don’t have any drunk texts from Ava. Drunk texts are the best, especially when she totally forgets her aversion to anal and begs for it.

“Fisting is NOT romantic!” Gavin shouts from across the room, interrupting me from my thoughts.

“Duke is a very romantic person and it’s going to hurt his feelings if he can’t be part of this special day!” Drew yells back.

I pull up a video on my phone and walk over to Gavin. “See? Duke is a star. From the look on that chick’s face, I’d say she’s very happy to have Duke in her...life. And her vagina. Oh, look at that, and her ass!”

Gavin pushes my hand away. “That thing is not coming anywhere near Charlotte.”

I stare at the video on my phone. “You’re right, but I’m pretty sure Charlotte would be coming everywhere near that thing.”

Drew laughs and rushes over to me for a high-five. “It’s like we share a brain or something, dude.”

Gavin groans. “You two are insane. I am getting a puppy and tying the ring on a ribbon around its neck, end of story.”

Drew grabs Duke from the table and points it at Gavin. “You are a pussy. Duke is the most romantic person in the world. I can’t believe you’re saying no to him.”

Gavin looks towards me for some help and I just shrug. “He’s got a point. You are kind of a pussy and Duke is growing on me. I kind of want to take him out for drinks and sit him up in the middle of the table so he can wave at people that walk by.”

“It might have to wait a few days,” Drew informs me. “We were just at a club last night and Duke’s still a little hung-over. He also wasn’t happy that they had to stamp his hand on the way in. That ink was a bitch to scrub off this morning, wasn’t it Duke?”

Gavin finally pushes away from the wall to cross his arms in front of him and glare at me. “If we’re going to talk about pussies, how about we discuss the fact that you are in love with Ava but you’re too chicken shit to tell her.”

Drew stares at me with wide eyes, holding Duke up right in front of my face. “Oooooooh, burn!”

“I am NOT in love with Ava,” I scoff.

Right? I’m not in love with Ava. Why would I be in love with someone who doesn’t even like me?

“You’ve checked your phone fifteen times in the last half hour looking for a missed call or a text from her,” Gavin accuses.

“Dude! I just don’t want to miss out on drunk anal!” I argue. Drew pulls Duke away from me and scratches the top of his head with Duke’s fist. “Good call. Drunk anal is awesome.”

“She told Charlotte you guys talked about your dad and that she opened up to you about how much she hates her job. Ava doesn’t talk to people about shit like that unless she really trusts them and cares about them, and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t talk about your dad issues with just anyone,” Gavin says.

“Awwww, do you have daddy issues?” Drew asks with a laugh.

I punch him in the arm. “Fuck you, I don’t have daddy issues.”

“He found out his dad isn’t his real dad, and that his mom was a slut,” Gavin tells Drew.

“Ahhhh, I love sluts,” Drew muses.

“Why don’t you just admit that you’re in love with Ava?” Gavin questions, both of us ignoring Drew as he uses Duke to scratch his ass.

“Why don’t you use Duke to propose to Charlotte?” I fire back.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll use Duke in my proposal if you tell Ava you love her.”

The room is silent while Gavin and I stare each other down.

After a few seconds, I hold my hand out to him and he takes it. “Deal.”

Drew places Duke on top of our joined hands and wraps his free arm around Gavin’s shoulder.

Shit, what the fuck have I gotten myself into? I’m scared shitless to even think about the fact that I might be in love with Ava and now I have to come right out and tell her? I have to do it though. I have to get my feelings in check because it is absolutely imperative that Duke is a part of this proposal.

“This is the happiest day of Duke’s life!” Drew announces as he squeezes Gavin’s shoulder in excitement. “FISTING, FOR THE MOTHER FUCKING WIN!”

Duke – 1, Tyler - O