Passion and Ponies

Chapter 23 – I Made a Poopy!

- Ava -

“This was the worst proposal idea in the history of the world,” I complain, kicking my boot through a pile of snow as we trudge through the back yard.

“Whose idea was this anyway?” Tyler grumbles, walking next to me.

“Aren’t you glad your parents went on that swingers cruise and you got to spend Christmas with us instead?” I ask with a laugh.

“Do NOT remind me of all the disgusting things my parents are most likely doing out at sea,” he complains.

“Gives new meaning to the words ‘wet discharge’ doesn’t it?” Uncle Drew shouts.

We both stop and stare over at the edge of the lawn where a clump of bushes hides him.

“That’s the name of my future boat, by the way,” he adds.

Tyler and I both shake our heads in disgust and continue pacing around the yard.

After much consideration with the family, Gavin decided the perfect idea for proposing to Charlotte would be to buy her a puppy and tie the ring on a red ribbon around the puppy’s neck. Super sweet idea until you realize that puppies are stupid and will eat anything. The trial run Gavin did resulted in the puppy eating the entire red ribbon and the fake, plastic ring he attached to it for practice.

Gavin promptly took the puppy back to the pet store and got a refund, failing to mention to the owner that there could be a shit surprise for him the next morning.

He decided to go with plan B, which sounded like a much better idea at the time. Unfortunately, no one passed that memo along to Uncle Drew.

“How long does it take you to shit, old man?” Tyler yells in the direction of the bushes.

I stare at him, trying to give myself an extra boost of courage to tell him that I love him.

It’s not that hard, Ava, just fucking say it!

After what happened between us the other night after the trip to the emergency room, this should be the easiest thing in the world. I really thought life would Tyler would be all about the crazy, weird shit we’d do in the bedroom. He can definitely fuck like a boss when he gets kinky, but I feared it would get a little old, especially if I had to Google half the stuff he wanted to do. Knowing he can also make the sweetest love in the history of the world, as well as pull off the best dirty talk I’ve ever heard, solidified my feelings for him. If I didn’t think it was completely cliché to tell him I love him during our post-coital glow, I would have done it then. I should have done it then. Having a few days to think about it and plan it out has just fucked with my nerves.

“A proper shit takes time, my friend. You just slow your roll and go grab me a magazine or something,” Uncle Drew yells back, the branches of the shrubs rustle as he does God knows what back there.

Aunt Claire came up with the idea that Gavin should bake Charlotte cupcakes and hide the ring in one of them. Again, super sweet idea, until Uncle Drew saw them sitting on the counter and ate every single one. Whole. Just shoveled each one in his mouth until Gavin walked into the kitchen and started screaming. Tyler and I had to calm him down and get both him and Uncle Drew out of the house before Charlotte figured out what was going on.

“Just so you know, when he does go to the bathroom, I am NOT digging through his pile of shit for a diamond ring. There’s a lot of things I’ll do for diamonds, but that is not one of them.”

Dammit! What is wrong with me? Just say it. Say, “I love you, Tyler.”

“This problem could be solved in a minute if Duke were here,” Tyler mumbles to himself.

“Duke? Who’s Duke?” I question.

“Don’t worry, Duke is right here helping things along,” Uncle Drew shouts from the bushes.

Tyler takes a deep breath, sticks his hands in his pockets, pulls them back out and then starts pacing nervously.

“Shit. Shit fuck damn! Ava, I need to tell you something,” he starts, turning to face me.

I watch him bite his bottom lip and a wave of desire washes through me so quickly I have to catch my breath. I really do love him. He’s sweet and cute and he’s good to me.

“I need to tell you something too,” I tell him excitedly, moving closer to his body.

Tyler reaches for me and we both open our mouths to speak at the same time when Uncle Drew starts cheering and shouting across the yard.

“IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S REALLY HAPPENING! I’M SHITTING IN THE SHRUBS!”

We move away from each other and do everything we can to avoid looking in Uncle Drew’s direction.

“Uuuggghh, I don’t have time for this. I need to get on a computer and order my BronyCon tickets before they’re gone,” Tyler grumbles.

“You’re serious about doing this? You can’t possibly think some random guy that could be your father would even go to this thing. How would you even know who he was when you got there?”

Tyler laughs and shakes his head at me. “Obviously if he’s my dad, he’ll be at this thing. I didn’t just turn Brony, I was born this way.”

“You’re being absurd, Tyler. This isn’t going to work,” I tell him.

“This isn’t about me finding my dad. This is about you not understanding me being a Brony. I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

Is he serious with this shit?

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t handle. I think you’re insane for believing you’ll be able to go to some huge gathering of weird people and be able to immediately recognize your father,” I argue.

Tyler crosses his arms in front of him and glares at me. “Weird people? Did you just call me weird? Oh, no you didn’t!”

I hate that we’re fighting outside in the freezing cold weather on Christmas, but his words hit too close to home and that pisses me off even more. I don’t understand the whole Brony thing and I can’t do anything but lash out.

“If the horse tail fits!” I fire back.

“You know what? At least I’m taking a risk. I’m going out on a limb and doing everything I can to find out who my father is so I can move on with my life. What about you, Ava? Are you just going to keep working at Seduction and Snacks for the rest of your life, making you and everyone else miserable in the process?”

I shake my head and turn away from him. “You don’t understand.”

Tyler grabs my arm and turns me around to face him. “You’re right, I don’t understand. You have enough sponsorship on your blog right this minute to quit the job you hate and do what you love. You can make a living off of this and yet you’re still going in to your mom’s office every day, hating every minute of it. You need to tell your mom what’s going on.”

I shrug out of his hold and take a step back. “My mom doesn’t understand, I told you that.”

“So MAKE her understand, dammit! Let her know how much this means to you.”

I put more distance between us, walking backwards through the snow.

“Stay out of it, Tyler. This is my life.”

He’s quiet for a few minutes and I watch him stand there in the middle of the yard. He slides his hands in his pockets and puffs of cold air float out of his mouth.

“You’re afraid. You’re afraid to quit Seduction and Snacks because it’s safe. It’s easy to stay there, doing what you’re told every day instead of taking a chance on something new,” Tyler says quietly.

I’m pretty sure he’s not talking about work anymore.

“I am NOT afraid! I take plenty of chances. I took a chance on you, didn’t I? I completely changed myself for some GUY and look where it got me? I’m standing outside in the snow on Christmas waiting for my uncle to take a shit,” I yell angrily.

“I never asked you to change anything for me. I like you just the way you are; I just want you to be happy. I’m so sorry being with some guy couldn’t make you a little less of a bitch.”

Before I can fire off another insult that will most likely make me feel even worse than I already do, the back door opens and Gavin comes rushing outside.

“Did he shit yet? I need that ring!”

Tyler glares at Gavin and I look away from both of them. Everything we said to each other is playing on a loop in my head and making me feel like the biggest asshole in the world.

“GAVIN! I MADE A POOPY!” Uncle Drew shouts as he comes running out from behind the bushes, buttoning his pants.

“Did you really just say that?” Tyler asks him with a shake of his head.

“Fuck your face! Now, who wants to dig through the epic dump I just took and get the ring?” Uncle Drew asks.

Tyler walks up to Gavin and pats him on the back. “You should have went with my idea of riding in on an Alpaca. Alpacas won’t eat diamond rings.”

I quietly walk away from the three of them and make my way to the back door. I want to tell Tyler that I didn’t mean what I said, but I don’t even know if it’s true. I don’t understand the whole Brony thing and I really do think he’s nuts for thinking he can go to this thing and find his real dad. It’s probably better if I just walk away right now. I don’t like thinking about the fact that he’s right and I am afraid. I’m not the type of person who has ever been afraid of anything in my life. I go balls to the wall with everything I do and I never let anyone make me feel bad about the choices I make. Not having my mom’s approval to do something different with my life has affected me more than I care to admit. I hate that Tyler might be right and that I’ll continue doing what’s safe because I’m too scared to put my foot down with my mom.

“Somebody get me a pair of tongs and some rubber gloves,” Gavin demands as I open the door to the house.

“I’d tell you this is the weirdest thing that I’ve seen in a long time, but I’ve seen skat porn. Watching you dig through shit is nothing compared to that,” Tyler states as I walk into the house and try not to think about the fact that I might have just screwed up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.