Providence

Chapter Ten Fate

Over the next few days, we settled into a comfortable routine. Jared took me to school, returned to sit with me at lunch, and then waited outside my last class. At night, I studied while he worked out, and I became quite accustomed to falling asleep in his arms. Each time he dressed my wound a sense of dread came over me; the healing cut meant that our nights together were numbered.

The girls at our regular lunch table became quite taken with Jared, while the boys tried their best to ignore him. The lines were clearly drawn. Lisa even invited Jared to a tentative girls’ night out, to which Jared only replied with a raised eyebrow, causing those who were paying attention to laugh.

I noticed Ryan being careful to speak only to me, making a point to ignore anything Jared contributed to the conversation. By Thursday, the tension at the table had elevated.

“Are you coming to study group tonight or not?” Ryan asked, clearly in a bad mood.

“I’m not sure what the plans are tonight.”

Jared looked at me and began to speak, but Ryan cut him off. “What? You need permission?” he snapped.

I glared at him. “It’s called being courteous. You should try it.”

Jared lightly touched my knee to keep me calm. It wasn’t working; Ryan couldn’t be more proficient at getting under my skin.

“Just because I’m not happy about how weird you’ve been, doesn’t mean I’m being a jerk,” he said, his eyes narrowing.

“You said it, not me.”

“You’ve moved in with this guy,” he motioned to Jared, “you don’t talk to your friends anymore, you’re skipping out on study group…I’m doing what friends do, Nina. I’m making sure you’re okay.”

“She called me last night,” Beth said defensively. Ryan ignored her.

I could feel the heat radiating from my face. “You’re not being a friend. You’re being aggressively nosy.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Are you coming to study group or not?”

“I’m coming,” I growled.

Ryan’s demeanor immediately changed. “So, you wanna grab something to eat after?”

I felt Jared’s hand tense around my knee.

“Not funny, Ryan,” Kim scolded.

Ryan continued to look at me expectantly. Everyone at the table watched for my — and Jared’s — reaction.

“Jared is picking me up afterward. We have dinner plans,” I said, glaring at him.

“I thought you said you didn’t know what your plans were,” Ryan goaded.

I leaned forward in my chair, taking in a sufficient breath to unleash my temper across the table.

Jared finally spoke, “We have dinner plans every night, Ryan. You’re welcome to join us.” I shot Jared a surprised look and noticed that his face was free of any sarcasm.

Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed, taken off guard by Jared’s sincere invitation. “I think I’ll pass.”

I smiled smugly at him, turning my attention to Jared. “Are you ready?”

“I am,” he said, leaning over to kiss my forehead.

Lisa and Carrie swooned.

At the door of my classroom, Jared set my bag on the floor beside me, pulling up the handle.

“Thank you,” I said, giving him a quick peck.

“I assume you’ll be hanging around here until study group.”

“You assume correctly,” I nodded.

“Call me when you’re finishing up, I’ll pick you up at the Rock.”

I grimaced. “It’s ridiculous that you have to sit outside and wait on me. Why don’t you just come?”

“Nina, it’s what I’ve done for the last three years. You need to spend time with your friends or they’re going to start worrying about you.”

“Ryan is the only one that’s worried, and he’s just being difficult,” I said, running my hand over the sleeve of his jacket.

“He’s jealous.”

I wrinkled my nose. “We’re just friends.”

Jared smiled and kissed the top of my hair. “I’ll see you later, then.”

As soon as class was over, I headed directly for Andrews. The sun was shining, and I was just beginning to enjoy my walk when Ryan appeared beside me.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” I said, less than enthusiastic about his company.

“Oh. c’mon. You’re not that mad,” he teased, throwing his arm over my shoulder and squeezing.

I squirmed from his embrace. “You tried to humiliate me in front of everyone, Ryan. What was the point in that?”

“I told you what the point was. I’m worried about you.”

I breathed out a sarcastic laugh. I was never safer than when I was with Jared.

“Nina…,” he said, slowing down. Before I could get too far ahead of him, he jerked me back by my coat sleeve to where he stood. “Nina!”

“What?” I growled, trying not to trip over my bag. I jerked my arm from his grip and smoothed out my sleeve.

“You have to admit you’ve been MIA this week. What’s going on with you? You barely know this guy.”

I fidgeted as I tried to think of a believable answer. I knew it appeared that way to him — and everyone else — but I couldn’t defend myself with the truth.

“I didn’t move in with him. My hand is infected, so he’s changing the dressing every night. As soon as it heals I’ll be back at Andrews.” I couldn’t help but frown at the thought.

“He could do that at Andrews,” Ryan argued.

Of course he was right, but Jared and I both knew it had been a flimsy excuse all along. I didn’t like the thought of him spending the night in his Escalade outside Andrews, and Jared was more than ready to make the present living arrangement permanent. Neither of which I could explain to Ryan.

“What is your problem?” I asked, continuing to the dorm.

Ryan shoved his hands in his pockets, following close behind. “I just think you’re getting in way too deep, way too fast. You need to take a step back. Slow down. You just met this guy and you’re acting like an old married couple. You have other friends.”

Feeling slighted, my mouth flew open. “I am not! I know I have other friends. I’ve talked to Beth and Kim every night since I’ve been at Jared’s.”

“You haven’t talked to me,” he said, looking hurt.

I rolled my eyes, glad that we had finally reached Andrews. “You want me to start calling you at night? Will that make you feel better?”

“Maybe it would. Will your husband mind?”

I rolled my eyes, pulling my keys from my pocket. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Mind if I come up?”

“I guess not, since you’re already following me in.”

I shoved the door open and rolled my bag into the closet. Ryan sat on Beth’s bed and watched me, seemingly amused.

“What?” I asked, waiting for a sarcastic remark.

He shrugged, dropping his backpack to the floor. “Nothing. You’re just so funny.”

“How so?” I asked, peeling off my coat.

“You spend so much time pretending to be mad at me when you know why I say the things I do. I don’t get it. You like spending time with me; you like spending time with him; the only difference is that you decided to play house with him this week.”

I raised my eyebrows, anticipating a fight. “Are you insinuating what I think you’re insinuating?” I asked, pulling off my boots.

“It depends. Are you going to throw your boots at me?” he asked, pulling one side of his mouth up into a grin.

“You think I’m leading you on?” I yelled, gripping one boot in my hand.

“Well…,” he trailed off long enough to see my temper flare. “Just kidding!” He held his hands up, expecting a boot to fly across the room. When he felt he was safe, he continued, “I didn’t say that. I just think you should leave your options open, is all. You’re getting all wrapped up in this guy you barely know. You might miss something that’s right under your nose.”

I knew what he meant, but I refused to gratify it with a reply. I plugged in my laptop, watching the screen as it came to life. “What time are you heading over there?”

“Whenever you do,” Ryan shrugged, sprawling out on Beth’s bed.

“I probably won’t leave until seven thirty,” I said, criss-crossing my legs on the desk chair.

“Okay.”

I looked over at him in disbelief. “What do you plan on doing here for four hours?”

“Hanging out with you. It’s my turn,” he sniffed.

“Ugh. You talk like you’re sharing me,” I groaned, disgusted.

“I am,” he said, utterly naive of any offense.

“Quit it.”

Ryan bellowed out a laugh and interlocked his fingers behind his head. I watched him for a moment as he stared at the ceiling. Surely being in Ryan’s position was nothing to be so chipper about, and I was getting impatient for him to get over this ridiculous crush so we could go back to being friends.

The next four hours passed relatively quickly. Ryan and I caught up on the last week, although I was careful to leave out much of what went on in Jared’s loft. We talked like we used to, and it was refreshing. I had missed him.

He was right, I did enjoy spending time with him, not less than I did with Jared, but it was exceedingly different. I always felt at ease with Ryan, but the urgency wasn’t there. I didn’t feel like the oxygen was missing from the room when he wasn’t in it. Ryan was always in the back of my mind, and it hurt me when he was hurting, but he was wrong. There were more differences than just playing house.

We were the last ones to arrive at the Rock. Ryan wanted to grab something to eat on the way, so our detour cost us the prime seats.

Beth smiled at me when we walked in. “Hey!”

“Hey yourself. Where were you?” I asked.

“At Chad’s,” she smiled. I looked to Chad, who appeared very frustrated with his laptop.

Ryan and I brought a stack of notes to occupy our time, so we went right to work. After an hour, I decided to take a break and call Jared.

“Hey,” Jared answered in a tender tone, picking up on the first ring.

“I just thought I’d call and see how you’re doing. Did you want me to bring you some coffee or something?”

“No, sweetheart. Just pretend I’m not here.”

“I just don’t like the idea of you having to sit outside in the cold.”

“This is what I do, remember? I’m ready to see you, though,” he added.

“Me too.” I cringed at how utterly ignoble my words sounded. I was glad that he could sense differently.

I walked back to the group and Ryan grimaced.

“Don’t start,” I warned.

Ryan shook his head and returned to his book. He fidgeted in his seat for awhile, and then finally heaved a big sigh. “Are you staying there again tonight?” he blurted out.

“That’s some more of your business,” I said, distracted by a particularly tricky equation.

“I thought he said you had dinner plans. Since you missed dinner, I thought maybe you’d just stay here tonight.”

“Still none of your business,” I murmured, scanning the words on the pages. Any divulging of my sleeping arrangements would only end in another argument that I wasn’t in the mood for.

Beginning the third subject, I looked up at the clock.

“Is that clock right?” I asked the group. Everyone looked in unison at the large round clock on the wall, and then peered at their watches or cell phones. In different tones, they all murmured confirmations.

“What?” Ryan asked, stretching as he watched me shove my things into my bag.

“It’s late, I have to go.”

I pulled out my phone and pressed the speed dial for Jared’s cell. He didn’t answer, so I rushed out the door. I stood there a moment, looking around, and then hurried down the stairs, banging the rollers of my bag against every step. The Escalade wasn’t there.

I tried not to panic, convincing myself that he was just in a well secluded spot. After ten minutes, I walked down the sidewalk a little over a block each way. My search was futile. Jared wouldn’t let me walk around in the dark; he wasn’t there.

My bag barely touched the ground as I sprinted across campus, glad that Claire had parked my car in the middle lot to be spiteful. I thought of all the possibilities for his sudden disappearance, but my mind kept returning to the hell I’d gone through just a week before. Jared didn’t have a history of warning me that he was going to end our relationship.

By the time I reached my car my lungs were frozen and aching. I fumbled with my keys and ripped the door open, heaving my bag to the passenger side. The tires squealed as I pulled out into the street, cursing every stoplight that cost me precious time.

I pulled up to Jared’s loft and took a deep breath. His Escalade wasn’t parked in front, but I tried the door, anyway. I kept my eyes on the doorknob as I waited, willing it to twist open. Dogs barked down the dark street and I suddenly felt uneasy. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how safe I felt with Jared; the alley had never seemed frightening before.

I walked back to the Beemer, defeated. He would have called if it was anything other than the worst scenario. He had either broken his promise not to leave me, or he was in danger. After twenty minutes and still no call from Jared, my lungs began to feel less satisfied with every breath and my eyes welled over with tears.

A knock resounded on my window and I jumped. Claire’s flawless face was on the other side.

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, stop. Something came up. I’m here to let you in.”

I stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded. Her explanation didn’t make sense, but the knowledge that he had sent her to let me in the loft extinguished half of my fears.

“Is he okay?” I asked, following her down the alley.

“Uh…yeah. You worry too much,” she said, her annoyed expression obvious even in the dark.

She led me up the iron stairs of the entry way, and then opened the door to let me inside. I ran up the stairs to the loft and collapsed into the bed. An overwhelming feeling of relief tore through me, and I did my best to weep quietly to avoid further ridicule from Claire.

I dried my eyes as I heard her light footsteps climb the stairs and stop beside the bed.

“Wow,” she deadpanned, chomping on a wad of gum too big for her petite mouth. “Why don’t you take a shower?” she asked.

I ignored her.

Claire sighed and sat down on Jared’s side of the bed.

I froze for a moment, bracing for an obnoxious comment from her. She sat quietly.

I shot a confused glance her way. “W…What are you doing?” I asked, sniffing.

“I’m supposed to sit with you,” she said, sounding bored.

“Sit with me? Why?”

“I just am. Go take a shower, will you? You’re a mess.”

I sniffed again and ambled to the shower, too baffled to argue. Claire never missed an opportunity to make me feel like an idiot, but surely she could understand my tears. I hurried through my nightly routine, anxious that every noise outside the bathroom was Jared returning home.

When I finished, Claire was downstairs. I slipped on one of Jared’s t-shirts. It was a poor substitute, but it would have to do until he came home. With impeccable timing, she returned as I slipped under the covers.

She looked away from me, suddenly uncomfortable. “That’s Jared’s favorite shirt.”

I looked down and noticed the dead giveaway: It was ratty and worn. The dark grey heather cotton was thin, and I smiled as I made out the faded words across the front; it was from a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert four years ago. I looked up at Claire who showed signs of a slight grin.

“My dad took him to that concert,” she mused, sitting on the bed beside me.

“You look like him,” I said. Gabe had light blonde hair as well, and Claire had inherited his ice blue eyes.

Those eyes instantly glazed over with anger. “Don’t talk about him. You…,” she stopped herself, “just go to sleep, Nina.”

Falling asleep with Claire sitting over me like a prison guard wasn’t likely, so I turned my back to her, focusing on Jared. I wondered what it was that he was doing, and wondered why he hadn’t called. I opened my mouth to ask Claire, but given her mood I thought better of it.

The clock switched from P.M. to A.M. as the numbers changed to midnight. Jared still hadn’t called, and I was almost worried enough to ask Claire to call him. At that moment, Claire stood up and walked over to the railing. The outside door slammed, footsteps echoed up the iron steps, and then the front door opened and closed quietly. Claire’s eyes followed the footsteps up the stairs until Jared came into view.

The sight of him shocked me. His face was smudged with dirt and blood, along with his shirt, jacket and jeans. His knuckles were swollen and bloody. I noticed that on a few of them the hide had ripped away and hung by just a few centimeters of skin.

“Jared?” I said, ripping the covers off to run to him.

“I’m okay,” he said, holding me away. “I’m dirty. Let me jump in the shower.”

Without a word, Claire retreated downstairs.

I paced the room, chewing on my nails until he reappeared. He was dressed and clean shaven, the only remnants of his earlier disheveled appearance was his already healing knuckles.

“What happened?” I asked in firm tone.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. Something came up,” he said, eyeing my bandage free hand.

“Obviously,” I said, crossing my arms. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Dawson stopped by The Rock to pay you a visit. I had to act quickly.” He walked by me to pull the first aid kit from under the bed.

“Mr. Dawson?” I asked, shocked.

“He was armed, and he also had…,” Jared’s jaw tensed, “he had paraphernalia.”

“What kind of paraphernalia?” I said, sitting on the bed.

“The kind you use to tie someone up and torture them. He was planning on getting that package tonight.”

I swallowed loudly. If Jared hadn’t been there to protect me, I didn’t want to think where I would be.

He didn’t look up when he spoke, “He won’t bother you again.”

“You….”

I watched as he worked silently, dabbing antibiotic ointment across my hand. The cut was now the beginning of a bright pink scar, the infection had dissipated days ago.

After a long pause Jared answered me. “I didn’t kill him. Not that I didn’t have to exercise restraint. He gave up information, but not nearly enough. I let my emotions get in the way,” he sighed and shook his head, “he was never conscious long enough to tell me everything I needed.”

“You tortured him,” I said, watching Jared fasten the last piece of tape on the flawlessly wrapped gauze. I braced for his answer; the Jared I knew couldn’t be capable of the horror that I imagined.

“I wanted to snap his spine and throw him in the Narragansett to drown, Nina. He’s lucky he ended up with his life.”

His job was to protect me by any means necessary; I just hadn’t stopped to think what that would be. “What did you find out?”

“We’ll discuss it tomorrow. You need to rest,” he whispered. He placed me gingerly on the bed, kissing the palm of my bandaged hand.

When he tried to pull away, I squeezed his fingers with mine. “I was worried. I drove here prepared to beg you back.”

He laughed once. “In what alternate universe would you ever have to beg me back?”

“I’ve had to rip out two microphones and nearly freeze to death in the pouring rain to get you back before. Driving to your apartment and knocking on your door isn’t the most extreme measure I’ve taken.”

Jared’s expression was pained. “I noticed your car out front. I’m sorry I had to leave without an explanation. I didn’t have a choice.”

“It was better than the alternative,” I said, my grin fading as I considered the possibilities.

Jared touched the side of my face, and then left me to walk toward the stairs. I sat up to protest, but Jared paused. “I’ll be right back,” he assured me.

Relaxing against the bed, I listened to his footsteps jog down the steps, silence when he reached the couch, and in the next moment climb the stairs again.

He sat beside me and held a small red box in the palm of his hand. “Don’t get too excited. It’s nothing major.”

I smiled and took the box from his hands, pulling on the small silver loop on the top. I looked at him, raising my eyebrows in surprise.

“It’s to make up for tonight. So? What do you think?”

Hanging from the lid was a shiny silver key.

“To the loft,” he explained. “Next time something comes up, you won’t have to wait outside in the cold.”

“When did you have time to do this?” I asked, still processing the shiny object spinning around from a thin red ribbon.

Jared shrugged. “I had it made a few days ago. I’ve been meaning to give it to you, but you haven’t needed it until now.”

“You’re giving me a key?” My eyebrows lifted in disbelief.

Jared nodded and then his brows pulled together. “I promised you I would never leave you. I meant it. If something like this happens again, come here. Wait for me.” He touched his hand gently to my cheek. “I’ll earn your trust back.”

“I trust you,” I said, mimicking his expression.

Jared leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. “And I trust you. Nice work in your room today.”

I cringed. “You heard that, did you?”

Jared chuckled. “All of it. I think it’s going to take me by surprise every time I hear you say my name in perfunctory conversation. It’s a good thing Ryan….”

“It’s a good thing Ryan what?” I asked, leaning over to bring his eyes to mine.

“It’s a good thing I have patience,” Jared said, looking everywhere but my eyes.

“You have a lot of patience, but that’s not what you were going to say.”

Jared’s eyes bounced from me to the floor to other things in the room, uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed. “It has to do with what I told you we would discuss later.”

“Claire’s training has to do with Ryan?”

Jared sighed. “You’re not going to wait now, are you?”

I shook my head slowly, not sure what to expect. The two names seemed to be on different sides of the universe.

Jared leaned his head down, looking at me from under his eyebrows. “The night at the pub, when you first met Claire, Ryan put his hands on me.” I nodded and Jared continued, “When she grabbed his hand, she felt something. She felt his pain.” Jared patiently waited for me to comprehend.

“Ryan is Claire’s Taleh?” I whispered, knowing she could hear me, anyway. I couldn’t believe it, and at the same time I felt excited, like I’d just heard a juicy bit of gossip. “But, when we were mugged…,” Claire was talented, even among her kind. She wouldn’t have let Ryan be hurt in that way.

“That’s why the situation went farther than I normally allow. Claire had them targeted. It would have just taken a second to take them out, but when Ryan jumped in, Claire couldn’t get a clear shot. She couldn’t risk it. That’s when I decided to intercede.” Jared’s eyes began to cloud over. The worst was coming.

“Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

Jared leaned over and kissed me. It was urgent and deep, the way he kissed me before I left him to speak with my mother; as if he were kissing me goodbye forever.

He reluctantly pulled away to look at me. “It was for purely selfish reasons. I wanted to wait so you and I could…so you could get to know me better.”

“You lost me.”

“Remember when I was explaining the Taleh, you mentioned how convenient it was that Gabe protected Jack, and I protected you?”

I nodded. “Yes, you said that angel groups tend to stay in families or those that are connected somehow.” Now that he’d brought it to my attention, it made more sense. “Claire is Ryan’s protector because he’s a friend?”

Jared sighed and shifted nervously beside me. “Claire being Ryan’s protector means he is supposed to be in your life. Permanently.”

I smiled and shook my head. “So what are you saying? That Ryan’s going to be family somehow?” Jared waited and my eyes widened in disbelief. “You think I’m supposed to marry him? Oh, c’mon! That’s ridiculous!”

“That would be the only explanation,” Jared said, his expression grave.

“You’re not serious. There’s no way for you to know that. It could be any number of things.”

“I thought that if you didn’t get to know me first, then you’d want to be with him. He is supposed to be your husband one of these days. I would understand why, armed with that knowledge, you might feel differently. And he’s a good friend to you. And he’s…persistent,” Jared said, his face twisting into an annoyed expression.

I held his face in my hands and looked directly into his eyes. “Quit it. I’m in love with you, Jared. There is no me without you.”

He watched me for a moment. “I’m sorry I kept it from you.”

“You don’t have a single thing to worry about. I promise,” I said.

Jared switched off the lamp and crawled over to his side, pulling me to him.

“I missed you,” I said, settling into his arms. “It’s going to be hard to go back to the way it was when my hand heals. I could probably start staying at Andrews this weekend.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Jared whispered in the dim light.

I buried my head into his chest. I had never wanted anything more, but Ryan’s words about moving too fast came to the forefront of my mind.

“I would love that…someday,” I said, hoping to preserve his feelings.

“Someday,” he repeated, sighing. “I understand. It’s too fast.”

“Maybe just a little,” I smiled, kissing his chest.

The next morning, I woke up in Jared’s arms. He was awake, patiently holding me against him. My smile faded when I realized it would be our last morning together for awhile.

“What is it?” Jared asked, sensing my disappointment.

I sucked in a deep, disheartening breath. “It’s Friday,” I breathed. “I’m going back to Andrews tonight.”

“You have a key. You can use it whenever you’d like.”

“That’s right,” I said, looking up at him with a smile. “That’s comforting.”

Jared brushed my bangs from my face. “I’m going to miss seeing you like this in the morning…especially in my shirt. It would have had a whole new significance had I known that one day you would be lying in my arms with it on. An interesting choice, I might add. That’s my favorite one.”

“I heard,” I smiled.

“Take it with you. I want you to have it.”

“But it’s your favorite shirt!” I argued, pulling away to look at him.

“My mornings won’t be quite as disappointing from now on if I know you’re waking up in that shirt,” he countered.

“Good point. I’m taking it. But it’s only on loan.”

“Oh, there’s no doubt in my mind that one of these days it will be a permanent fixture in my closet again. You can’t live in Andrews forever.”

I bit my lip and pressed my cheek against his bare chest. It seemed a little silly, lying here with him, knowing we both would rather I just stay. But I would never hear the end of it from my friends, and my mother would be an entirely different set of problems.

“I could stay here on the weekends,” I said.

“You will?” he asked, his eyes brightening.

“If that’s okay, I don’t want to impose.”

Jared kissed me until I could feel a tingling in my toes. Just as I needed to take a breath, he pulled away. “I would have everything you own here by the time you finished your classes today if you’d let me. You staying here on weekends is absolutely okay.”

A smile spanned the width of my face and I wrapped my arms around his neck. When he said things like that, it was hard for me to remember why I couldn’t just give in to what he wanted — to what I wanted. I immediately felt better knowing that I had a few more days with him.

“You’re going to be late. I’ll make coffee,” he said, jogging downstairs.

I hurried through my shower and Jared handed me a pink travel mug as I put my coat on. I raised an eyebrow at the color and then looked back at him.

“It’s Claire’s,” he shrugged.

“Um, I thought I would take my car today. Do you mind picking me up, later?”

Jared didn’t hide his disappointment. “Sure. Just give me a call when you’re ready.”

I leaned up on my toes to kiss him. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

The professor began lecture just as I slid into my seat. Kim leaned over to whisper in my ear.

“Beth and I are going for coffee after class. You coming?”

“Sure. I’ll drive,” I offered.

I felt like I hadn’t spent enough time with Kim and Beth lately. An afternoon at the café would give us time to catch up. At least I would get caught up on their lives; my news included almost getting kidnapped and tortured, and my boyfriend nearly beating the man to death who had tried.

The three of us huddled at the table of the coffee shop, waiting to thaw. The temperature had dropped significantly after lunch, and the wind was brutal. I was glad that I would be lying on a beach somewhere in just over a week.

I sipped my coffee as Beth chattered about Chad. Things between them were progressing, and she mentioned she wasn’t homesick for the first time since she’d come to Brown. She was even considering getting an apartment in the summer instead of returning to Oklahoma.

I tried to concentrate on the conversation, but I found myself focusing on the new information Jared had forced out of Dawson. I wanted to know what it was that Jared was keeping from me; it couldn’t be good news.

“Nigh. Nigh! Where are you? You look like you’re a million miles away,” Kim said. She and Beth were both staring at me with matching expressions.

“Ugh, I’m sorry. I just have a lot going on,” I said, blinking.

Beth’s cell phone hummed. By her tone I knew that it was Chad. Apparently he was out and about, and she invited him to join us.

“I hope that’s okay,” Beth said to us after disconnecting the line.

Kim shrugged. “Fine with me.”

“Ryan is with him,” Beth added, eyeing me.

I made sure my face was smooth. I hadn’t seen Ryan since Jared had told me that Ryan and I were meant to be together. I wasn’t sure how to act around him with that knowledge.

Ten minutes later, the door chimed as Chad and Ryan strolled through it. They were both in gym clothes, sweaty and tired.

Ryan had his white hat pulled down over his eyes and didn’t speak when he sat across from me at the table. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“What have you two been up to?” Beth asked, standing up to sit on Chad’s lap.

“We just finished a basketball game. We lost,” Chad said in an embittered tone.

“They cheated. Repeatedly,” Ryan chuckled, only his smile visible.

“What? You can’t handle prison rules?” Kim elbowed him, making him sway for a moment.

Ryan pulled his hat up and over to the side, his eyes finally in view. “I can handle prison rules, it’s the cheating when there is supposed to be rules that bothers me. I lost twenty bucks!”

“Oh no!” Beth said, laughing. “Did you lose money, Baby?” Chad pursed his lips and nodded, still brooding. “Aw!” she said, rubbing his back.

We sat at the table, discussing the game. Our laughter saturated the room, causing the other patrons to stare. After a while, Ryan leaned over and pulled my chair closer to him, the legs grating against the floor. He stretched his arm around the back of my chair and smiled, flashing the deep dimple in his cheek.

Ryan’s destiny to be my future husband popped into my head, and a strange ache overwhelmed me. Ryan’s future was forever changed the second Jared sat on that bench. I would never take that moment back, but I cared about Ryan. I wanted him to be happy, and that was impossible if I stayed in the picture. One of these days I would have to remove myself completely from his life, and because of that, either Claire or Jared would be separated from their family.

Ryan gripped my shoulder and pulled me to his side. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Hmmm?” I said, distracted.

“She’s been like that the whole time she’s been here,” Kim complained.

Ryan hugged me to him again and I turned, throwing my arms around him. He tensed, obviously not expecting my sudden display of affection. After his initial shock wore off, he rested his chin on my shoulder and enveloped me in his arms.

He puffed a short laugh. “What’s going on, Nigh?” he whispered into my neck.

I shook my head. I couldn’t tell him, and even if I did, I didn’t want him to know.

“We’re, uh…we’re going to take off,” Chad said.

“Is it all right if I catch a ride with you?” Kim asked.

I pulled away from Ryan and looked up at my friends. “It’s Friday. Did you want to go out later?”

Kim shot a look at Ryan and then back at me. “I already have plans. Tomorrow night?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“I’ll catch a ride with Nina,” Ryan said.

Beth and I both looked at Chad, who shrugged. “Cool. See ya.” He lifted his hand to wave and they filed out of the coffee shop.

I looked at Ryan, embarrassed. “It’s official. I’m a freak.”

“You’re not a freak. Chad was planning on taking Beth back with him, anyway. They have dinner plans.”

“I cleared the table in less than two minutes. I’m a freak.”

“You want to grab some dinner?”

I tried to think of a delicate way to turn him down, but he spoke before anything came to mind.

“We’ll just grab something quick…go through a drive thru. Me and Josh are going to grab a few beers later, anyway,” he explained.

“Oh. Yeah, okay,” I said, standing up.

We sat in the parking lot closest to Andrews devouring our fast food. The slogan game had kept us entertained since we left the coffee shop. Ryan countered my feeble attempts to stump him so quickly that I couldn’t help but double over with laughter.

“Have you been practicing?” I giggled, exhausted from laughing so hard.

“I’m not gonna lie. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands, waiting to heal,” he chuckled, throwing up a piece of chicken and catching it in his mouth. “What are you doing tonight?” he asked.

“I’m probably going to get some laundry together, take it over to Jared’s,” I said without thinking.

“You’re staying over there again? I thought you said you weren’t moving in,” he said, this time without his usual attitude.

“I’m not,” I snapped, waiting for him to come back with something spiteful.

Ryan sighed and took my hand. “I don’t want to argue about it anymore, Nigh. I’ve said everything I needed to say on the subject.”

“I don’t want us to fight, either. I want us to be able to hang out and be friends like we used to. I miss you,” I said, suddenly hopeful that we could get beyond all of the infatuation nonsense.

“I miss you, too. I’ll quit being a jerk,” he said, brushing my bangs out of my eyes. “When you hugged me tonight, I realized how ridiculous I’ve been. I don’t want to lose you, Nina. It doesn’t matter if you’re with him, or me, or anyone else. What matters is that we’re friends, and that you can count on me being here when you need me.”

I pulled in a shallow breath through my nose, trying to keep my eyes from glossing over with tears. He didn’t know that we would have to lose each other if he wanted to be happy. I just smiled and nodded my head, and Ryan hugged me once more.

“Truce?”

“Truce,” I smiled.

He walked to his dormitory and I headed to Andrews, feeling morose. I pulled out my cell phone and called Jared, who picked up on the first ring.

“Hey,” he answered, sounding a bit sad himself.

“I’m just going to grab a few things from my room and then I’ll be ready.”

As I rounded the corner, Jared came into view, his cell phone to his ear. He pulled up one corner of his mouth into a contrived half-smile. I put my cell phone away and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. He could sense my feelings for Ryan, and I was ashamed for feeling the way I did. It wasn’t fair to either of them.

An awkward silence festered in the Escalade until we pulled up to the curb in front of his apartment.

“Nina…,”

“It’s okay,” I interrupted him. I wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but I didn’t want to waste time discussing my feelings for Ryan. Jared felt he was getting in the way of fate, but I knew what I wanted. There would be no compromise.

We walked hand in hand to the loft, and I could feel the worry radiating from him. I hung my coat on the rack and immediately went to the kitchen, praying there were dishes to be done or to put away; anything to keep me busy.

Jared went to his extravagant stereo system and tinkered with the multitude of buttons. While I put away dishes in various cabinets, a familiar song permeated the room. I felt Jared’s arms surround me, the heat of his skin sinking into my back. His cheek touched mine as he pulled me into his chest, and I closed my eyes when he whispered into my ear.

“Do you recognize this song?”

I simply nodded, listening to the music. It was the song we danced to at the pub. I remembered that moment as if it were just hours before, and yet it felt like a lifetime ago.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s called ‘Little Heaven’.” His lips peppered my neck with soft, tiny kisses, working his way up to my ear.

I smiled. “That’s appropriate.”

Jared turned me slowly to face him and I watched the clouds roll in, darkening his eyes. His jaw tensed as he scanned my face.

“I could step aside, Nina. I could step aside and let you be with who you’re supposed to be with. If I was any less selfish…I would. But even after all of my stupid mistakes, I still think I can make you happy.

“If it’s what you want, I’ll step aside,” he shook his head, “but if it’s not…I’ll fight fate. I’ll fight Heaven, and Hell, and everything in between to keep you.”

I stood there, stunned. Anything I said would pale in comparison. The storms in his eyes raged stronger than I’d ever seen them.

“Jared…,” I struggled with what I wanted to say. Jared swallowed, sensing the turmoil within me. I shook my head and he let go of my waist, bracing himself for my next words. But there would be none.

I inched up on the balls of my feet and paused. My eyes moved from his eyes to his mouth. Jared stood motionless, waiting for judgment.

I pressed my lips to his, and he cautiously kissed me back. My hands held each side of his face, and I worked my lips against his, sliding my fingers through the back of his hair. Jared’s hands returned to my waist as the kiss intensified. My lips parted and he pulled me to him without hesitation. His doubt melted away, he knew my decision.

Against his body I let out an involuntary moan, causing a chain reaction. Almost simultaneously, I lifted Jared’s shirt as he finished the task by yanking it over his head, my knee inched up and Jared firmly grabbed it, pulling it higher up his side, and then he eagerly lifted me on top of the counter.

I wrapped my legs around him, digging my fingers into the bare flesh of his back to draw him closer. His hands gripped my thighs, impatiently pulling me to the edge of the counter. Jared’s lips were urgent, but in a new way. His wasn’t the kiss that he used to tell me he loved me, or to tell me goodbye. He was giving in.

Jared lifted my sweater over my head and I let out a satisfied sigh when he pressed his bare chest against mine. I pressed my lips harder against his; we still weren’t close enough. My breath grew ragged and uneven as he impatiently pulled me from the counter and walked across the room — my legs still wrapped around him — to climb the stairs. As he held me, he never took his lips from mine.

With one hand on my back, and the other on the mattress, he gently lowered me to his bed. His lips caressed every inch of my neck, and my body shivered in anticipation. I slid my hand down the perfect ripples of his chest and stomach, and pulled his belt free of the loops, fumbling with the buckle. A low moan emanated from his lips when I finally unfastened it and his mouth readily returned to mine.

He pulled away with a quick jerk, his eyes unfocused.

“What?” I asked, pushing myself up on my elbows.

His jaw tensed and he closed his eyes in frustration. “Claire.”

In the next moment, Claire unlocked the door and opened it without knocking. Jared stood at the top of the stairs and glared down at his sister.

“Busy?” Claire asked.

I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh, thinking of the view from Claire’s perspective. It wouldn’t take much for her to imagine what we’d been up to.

“I’m going to take that key back if you don’t start calling ahead of time,” Jared growled.

“You say that as if I can’t pick your lock in three seconds.”

“I’m serious, Claire,” Jared said so quietly that I barely heard him.

Well, I’m sorry,” she said, not sounding sorry at all. “Bex left for training an hour ago and mom is all weepy. Ryan is in bed asleep and lucky me, my Taleh doesn’t have half the police force and various criminals after him.”

Jared turned to face me and his expression morphed from anger to an apologetic expression.

“She’s here for the night,” he explained, going to his closet and pulling a t-shirt off the hanger. He seemed to have thought better of it, putting the shirt back and walking across the room to search through my suitcase for a pair of pajamas.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself if you put one of my t-shirts on,” he said quietly, handing me the pajamas. I smiled at him, amused.

Claire groaned in disgust downstairs. “Gross.”

Clothes shot up and over the railing, landing at Jared’s feet. It was the shirts we had left behind on the kitchen floor. The refrigerator door opened, and the sounds of Claire rummaging for food made Jared roll his eyes.

“I’m going to take a quick shower,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

I smiled. “A cold one?”

“Yeah,” he said, turning toward the bathroom.

“I could keep you company.”

Jared froze in mid-step, pausing for just a moment before closing the bathroom door behind him.

I changed while he was in the shower, feeling a bit guilty for teasing him. I understood his frustration all too well. I leaned back on the bed, chewing on my thumb nail and smiling at what had almost happened.