Ronald Rabbit Is a Dirty Old Man

28

Mr. Laurence Clarke

c/o Miss Rozanne Gumbino

311½ West 20^th Street

New York 10011

Beloved and treasured Mad Poet—

Naughty Nasty N. and I absolutely flipped over your letter. Quelle brittle! Are Rozanne’s breasts that much better than mine? I think I’m jealous!!

And NNN is jealous because you didn’t do unto her as you did unto Rozanne. We’re both afraid that our Mad Poet doesn’t love us anymore, and if you’re not terribly good to us we’ll hire your first wife’s father to sue Rozanne Gumball for alienation of affection.

Your advice got here too late — I’d already made the mistake of letting the lifeguard get to me. Beautiful romantic setting, full moon, blah blah blah. He gave me a totally boring fuck on the diving board and all I could feel was the burlap under my behind. It took forever for the marks to go away. He’s a beautiful guy, great body, outstanding equipment, but no idea what to do with it. Wham, bam, and not even thank you, ma’am. He came before I even left, and then he let out this yell and flipped off into the pool!!! I’m not kidding, he really did!!! When I politely suggested that perhaps he could eat me, he announced that a real man never did a thing like that. Can you believe it????

All is well now, though. Miss Naughty Nastiness and I have connected with the camp’s three stone-freaks, and if we don’t all get fired it should be a dynamite summer. Three skinny guys with long hair and scraggly beards, but do they ever know where it’s at!! They’re also into each other, so the five of us get together for total group gropes now and then, which is fun.

Hello, there, you Mad Poet you! This is Miss Hall speaking. I’m afraid we can’t accept your invitation, as us slaves is not allowed to leave the ole plantation until the end of the season. Until the cotton is harvested, I mean.

You are our freaky Mad Poet and we love you. Kiss Rozanne for me.

Me too!!!

Hi! Just wanted to get the last word in edgewise...