Ronald Rabbit Is a Dirty Old Man

40

Dear old Larry,

I’ll bet when you got a letter with all these flashy Mexican stamps on it, the last thing you expected was a letter from your ex. But that’s what this is.

And that’s not the greatest surprise, either.

Lover, you’re not going to believe this. You’re just not going to believe it. But every word of it is true.

I’m not just your ex-wife anymore. I’m also the wife of your best friend. Just five hours ago as I write this, I was married to Steve Adel in a tacky little church a few blocks from where we’re staying.

It’s your fault, of course. That letter you sent me put a bee in little Lisa’s bonnet. I had to find out if Steve was everything you said he was. Kiddo, you didn’t half do him justice! I suppose it’s the height of something or other to praise your husband to your ex-husband, but I have trouble restraining myself, I’m just all bubbly inside.

If I were the type to write obscene letters, like a certain former husband of mine, I could write a scene that would burn out your retinae. But that’s a memory I want to keep to myself. I won’t share it with you or anyone else.

Consider yourself richer to the tune of $850 a month. And consider yourself thanked — without even meaning to, you did me the greatest favor of my life.