Still Human

Chapter Twenty-one Liv Awkward boner.

The delicious memory of last night makes me tingle before I open my eyes. In my half-sleep state I can almost still feel Danny’s hands all over me. I shudder remembering how he took me beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. I reach out for him now and find the bed empty. That’s when I realise with a start that today is my wedding day. My eyes fly open and I scan the room, but I’m alone. A girlish giggle drifts in to me from the living room and I notice other voices too.

My bedroom door is closed, which it definitely wasn’t when I fell asleep, but it’s a good thing because under the covers, I’m naked. I sit up in a slight panic about who is out there and where Danny could be, when my foot bumps a black box at the end of my bed. I pull it onto my lap and shake my head. The box is tied with deep-purple ribbon and a card is tucked under the bow. Already I know that today will be full of surprises, so I relax and go with it. Pulling out the familiar white card, I smile with excitement at Danny’s message.

To my beautiful fiancé (This is my one and only chance to say that to you!)

Happy 30th birthday!

I’m sorry I can’t be there with you. I have things to attend to, but we will be together soon, I promise.

I know I owe you a Bachelorette Party (Hen Night I think you’d call it) but this is the best I could do…Please get up and wear what’s in the box. Your bridal birthday breakfast awaits!

You must be itching to know about today, so I’ll tell you what’s happening…You are going to become my wife!

Sorry, but that’s all you’re getting for now, except that I will see you at 2pm.

Try not to be too late, I want to start my life with you as soon as possible.

I love you,

D x

I pull the ribbon off the box and lift off the lid. Under the tissue I find a silk camisole and French knicker set edged with lace and a silk robe, in the seemingly obligatory purple that I now realise will be a feature of today. I smile at the thought of Danny choosing this and pull the covers back to put it on. I turn to look at myself in the mirror, Danny will love this, so I quickly snap myself with my phone camera and text him the shot with the message ‘Thank you x’. I put my hair up in a ponytail, then finally tying the sash on my robe, I’m ready to face whatever waits for me on the other side of the door.

I open the door and gasp. It’s a proper girlie affair – almost! Mum, Grace, Connie, Jen, Danny's mum, Pam, and, of course, Max are all milling around drinking champagne along with Ali and Carla, who are arranging a breakfast buffet on the table. I smell coffee and waffles. It all looks amazing. There are fresh flowers, like the first ones Danny gave me, which makes me smile. I cover my mouth with my hands while I take it all in. Max notices I’m up and grins stupidly as he comes towards me.

“Morning chickadee,” he says and plants a kiss on the top of my head. I slip my arms around his waist and squeeze him tight, I’m so glad he’s here. I’m overwhelmed already, but I just need to get used to it. From here on, everything that happens today is going to blow me away, I need to stop reeling from each thing and just enjoy. I’m greeted by everyone else in my little party, with birthday wishes and wedding day excitement. Then, before I’ve time to think, I’m ordered into the shower before breakfast is ready.

When I slip back into my gift from Danny, I grin and check my phone.

‘Happy birthday baby! That just made my day, but no more, I just had an awkward boner! X'

Then it buzzes again.

'I love you x'

I hug my phone, I wish he was here. With a towel wrapped around my hair, I join everyone in the living room. Since I’ve been gone breakfast is ready and I pick up a strawberry and a glass of champagne and wander around to a seat on the other side of the table. Jen is helping herself to a waffle and then she passes them to me. I feel a little shy as I realise that although I know her like she is part of Danny, I’ve never been with her without Danny. It's fine, but strange.

"Thanks for coming," I say to her as I pour syrup on my waffle.

"Like we were going to miss this!" She smiles.

"No, I mean this morning, it means a lot that you're here."

She shrugs. "It means a lot to be here," she says touching my arm.

I giggle. "I feel like you should be giving Danny away or something."

She smiles and shakes her head. "He has always been yours, trust me."

Grace joins us and I realise quickly that they have obviously met properly already and seem to be friends. It’s satisfying to know that our combined family in LA are forming connections, because it will make visiting all the more fulfilling if we can all spend time together rather than splitting it between them.

"So is anyone going to tell me anything?" I ask.

Jen and Grace exchange glances. "Our lips are sealed," Grace says and giggles.

"Oh come on! You must be able to tell me something. How long have you been here?"

"We got in yesterday," says Jen.

"We've been at Mum's since Wednesday," says Grace.

"Where are you all staying?"

"Connie's," replies Grace. "Mum and Dave too."

"And Max and Charlie are graciously putting us up. Along with Danny's parents," she says, nodding at Max in appreciation.

The mums and Connie are chatting away excitedly and a strange thrill goes through me again. I keep remembering it’s my wedding day! I look down at my beautiful engagement ring.

Grace sees me looking at it and takes my hand to inspect it herself. "I couldn't really see it in the light last night," he says, eyeing it greedily. "That's a hell of a diamond...It’s a diamond isn't it?"

The thought hadn't occurred to me, I certainly didn't ask Danny. I just thought it was beautiful. I shrug in response, it doesn't matter to me what it is.

"It is," interjects Jen. "It’s very rare." She gives us a knowing smile that says she was with him when he chose it. I smile back warmly, conveying my appreciation.

"And what about you?" I ask Max across the table. "Can I assume you’ve had a hand in all this?"

He holds up his hands in surrender. "I was just the errand boy, it's all Danny. You'll be impressed, I promise. I was."

"Does everyone but me know what's going to happen today?" I ask, feeling the frustration bubbling up.

"I think only Danny holds all the cards," Jen laughs. "Max is the deputy, we all have our instructions." She squeezes my arm. "It's going to be fun!”

Then, after a relaxed breakfast, Suzie, my usual hairdresser, arrives to do my hair and help everyone else with theirs. Danny has thought of everything. We discuss options briefly, but as I don’t yet know what my dress looks like I can’t really comment, so I’m led by Max and my sister and go with a relaxed up-do. I’m glad I don’t have to have something severe, it hints at a relaxed atmosphere for the day. I have to take these little tit-bits, they are the only clues I get.

My hair looks beautiful, I’m really pleased with it. While Jen and Grace are deciding on their hairstyles, I go into my bedroom and close the door. I just want five minutes to myself. I feel a bit spacey, it’s probably just nerves. I don’t feel nervous about forever, I just feel nervous that I don’t know what’s coming. But as Danny’s note said, what is coming is that I’m going to finish the day as Mrs Morgan. I don’t really need to know anything else.

I get all my makeup out and sit at my little dressing table. I stare at myself in the mirror for a long time. I can’t believe I’m here. This is all so much to get my head around. We have never discussed marriage, like never! We both want a family, we have sorted all of that out, but I never thought all of this meant anything to Danny. I honestly thought after we agreed to try for a baby, that he would have said something if he wanted to do this. He was obviously thinking about it secretly all along.

Evidently he has done more than just think about it. I chuckle and shake my head. Danny, the king of the grand gesture. My life has been a whirlwind ever since he re-entered it, I never know what to expect. He’s always finding the ways to make maximum impact. I’m glad that getting pregnant is something I will have a heads up on. When and if I do, I will know first. Maybe I can surprise him for once. If it was in his hands, I would be half expecting to be told via a billboard or something.

A gentle tap at the door pulls me from my thoughts and Connie peeps in. “Are you alright in here?” she asks trying to cheerfully mask her concern that I might be having second thoughts.

“I’m fine,” I reply. “More than fine.”

“I was just worried that you’d shut yourself away.”

“I just wanted a second that’s all.”

“You’re not having a wobble are you darling?”

I smile at her fondly. “Not at all.”

“Good.” She kisses my cheek. “You deserve to be happy and I know he is the right person for you.”

Thinking about how she started this, I realise that even her overactive imagination couldn’t have foreseen this all happening so soon. “Thank you,” I say. “We needed you.”

“You needed a boot up your arse!” She scoffs.

“Connie!” I giggle.

“I’m just glad you got there in the end. Now come on, get that face done, we have more surprises out here for you.” She looks back as she leaves me and blows me a kiss.

I put the finishing touches to my makeup. I haven’t done anything very unusual with it, I want to feel real today. I don’t need a mask. Perhaps I’ve gone a little heavier, for the photos. I assume there will be photos. I’ve applied my perfumed body cream and changed the small stud I wear in my lip from my plain silver one to a tiny sparkly one that I only wear from time to time. The one in my nose is always sparkly. I feel as ready as I can be. I feel more relaxed for having a moment to myself, so I open the door to the living room.

“There she is!” my mum says. “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks, Mum.”

“Now come and sit down, we have instructions to follow.” She leads me to the sofa. “Danny asked us to give you some things.”

Connie hands me a small box. “Something old,” she says softly. I stare at the box. I know what this is. I open the old box carefully, and smile at my Grandma’s diamond pendant. I know she wore it on her wedding day, as did my mum and Grace. It’s very special.

“I’ve just done my makeup!” I laugh, dabbing my eyes with the tissue immediately offered by Max.

“It’s only going to get worse,” he says as Mum and Connie secure it around my neck between them.

“Now, something new,” says Mum, handing me another small box. I open it and a little card sits on the top. ‘D x’ is all it says. I lift up the card to reveal small diamond drop earrings that match the pendant so well. I take out the small silver hoops I wear and put them on.

My sister is itching for her turn. “Something borrowed!” she exclaims gleefully. I cringe, imagining it to be her garter. I really don’t think I’m ‘that’ girl. I can’t imagine Danny putting me through the grossness of that particular ritual, but my sister is a sucker for all that nonsense. She surprises me by unclasping her diamond bracelet and slipping it around my wrist. “Don’t lose it though!”

“Thanks,” I say, giving her a squeeze.

“And something blue,” says Jen handing me a large bag…with a giggle.

Inside the bag I find a box and once I’ve removed the lid and swiped away the tissue, I see the reason for Jen’s amusement. Danny has chosen me the most beautiful lace underwear in a delicate powder blue. A card tucked in with it, makes me grin.

“I can’t wait to see this on! X”

I blush, but only because his mum is here. She’s smiling though then she hands me something, a coin.

“And a silver sixpence for your shoe,” she says and this sounds funny in her American accent. “Bob’s mom handed it down to me on my wedding day, she was very traditional. It’s yours now.”

“Thank you,” I say quietly. “I’ll keep it…” I almost say ‘for our children’ but none of them know we are already trying and I don’t want to open that can of worms this morning. Max and Jen exchange a look…they know, clearly. “I’ll look after it,” I clarify. Anyway, I think everyone realises what I’m trying to say, I’ll keep it for ‘future generations’ whenever they may come.

“Okay!” says Max taking the heat off. “That just leaves me.” He gets up and holds out his hand. I take it and stand to follow him, goodness knows where. Everyone follows as he stops at the spare room door. “Close your eyes,’ he says giddy with excitement. Then he opens the door and leads me in. I’m positioned in the middle of the room and I stand perfectly still.

“Open,” he says.

I blink and set eyes on my wedding dress.

Both hands cover my mouth as I gasp. In fact, collectively, everyone gasps. Hanging beside it are purple dresses for Grace and Jen, which are very like my dress from last night but in a floatier fabric with less full skirts. My dress is beautiful. Again, very like my dress from last night. Very fifties. It’s ivory silk with a lace overlay and a full netted skirt. It’s short, I’m guessing below the knee and it’s belted with a purple bow. The neckline is a flattering deep V, it’s just perfect and obviously a style Danny likes.

I step forward and touch it while everyone watches me silently. I never even started to imagine what sort of wedding dress I’d choose, but I would like to think, given the choice of any dress, this would be the one I would pick. Seeing it now, as the dress Danny thinks is perfect for me, I can’t imagine I would want any other dress. Max’s hand squeezes my shoulder.

“What do you think?” he whispers.

“It’s perfect,” I say in wonder.

A collective sigh of relief is released and I laugh as I turn to look at them all. My mum is dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

“Oh and these are to go with it,” Max remembers, now that the big reveal is over.

Inside one box is a small ivory net veil. It’s not really a veil as such, but one of those net things that will just cover my eyes. It’s held in place by an ivory flower, it’s perfect for the dress and the hairstyle I have. The other box must be my shoes. My stomach turns. I know Danny gets my shoe issues, even before the accident, heels were not my thing, but this dress deserves heels. I open the box with trepidation, but the love I feel for Danny is immeasurable when I lift out a pair of purple Converse. Everyone laughs but it just finishes me off, I’m in pieces before I know it, with Max soothing me and trying to remind me about my makeup.

Max produces an envelope and I just about pull myself together to read the note.

I know picking shoes for this dress would have really stressed you out. But you are the girl I love and it’s you I want beside me today, so I’ve chosen shoes that are you through and through. I wouldn’t want you to try and be someone you’re not, especially not today.

I just can’t wait to see you.

Dx

He really gets me. Oh my God, I have to stop crying!

Significantly more composed and with my makeup retouched, I let Max help me get dressed.

“Wow!” he sighs as he finishes primping the purple bow. He pulls me in front of the full-length mirror and I take it in. It’s just perfect. I never could have chosen this well for myself. I turn and look at the back, over my shoulder. The deep V almost frames the large peacock tattooed there perfectly. I’m sure the person who designed this dress never imagined a bride like me wearing it, but I like the way my bold skin contrasts with the delicate lace, and the statement of the sash brings the perfect balance. I sigh. It’s all so me.

I’m not aware of the time, just that we are moving forward, but when I come out of the spare room all dressed, I’m surprised to find everyone ready. My mum looks beautiful in a lilac dress and jacket, with a feathery fascinator. Danny’s mum is wearing a smart but feminine indigo suit, her headdress is more a hat than a fascinator. Her signature style, a suit and pearls has remained since I was young. Seeing her like this for the first time since our reunion is a reminder of how much history we have.

I kiss them both and we all gush over how beautiful the other looks. Grace and Jen too, their dresses are lovely. I wonder if perhaps they met in LA to choose them together? It would explain how they seem to have got to know each other. While the living room is a flurry of compliments, Max reappears, having quickly put himself together. You’d never know it only took a few minutes, he looks devastatingly handsome and immaculate in his dark grey suit. The shirt is the faintest lavender and the tie is a few scant shades darker. He raises an eyebrow and looks down at his feet to draw my gaze. Black Converse.

“Don’t you look handsome!” purrs Connie.

It always makes me smile to see Max dressed up. Because formal wear covers almost all evidence of the fact that he is just like me. Max has gradually allowed tattoos to peep above his collar and under his cuffs to compensate. I show more of myself than usual when we dress up like this, so I never have that problem.

“He always looks amazing.” I grin and kiss his cheek.

There is a knock at the door and Mum lets Ali in, she’s dressed now too and is carrying a box full of flowers. My bouquet is a riot of orchids in every shade of purple and pinks. It’s stunning. The flowers for the bridesmaids are less riotous, but no less beautiful. My mum pins a buttonhole on Max and I scan the room.

“I can’t believe Danny did all this!” I exclaim,

Max grins and winks, telling me that he had a little help from the master.

‘Thank you,’ I mouth.

“Right, let’s get this show on the road,” says Max clapping his hands together.