Tangle of Need

Chapter 71

TWO WEEKS AFTER the attempted assassination of the San Francisco anchor, and a week after the flurry of bombings on a number of Psy research centers and institutions of learning, it felt to Adria as if the entire world was holding its breath. Seven days had passed with no more signs of a civil war that could devastate the planet, but with Judd Lauren having shared what he knew with the senior members of the pack, Adria knew the lull was nothing but the calm in the eye of the storm.

It was all going to come crashing down, sooner rather than later.

As a soldier, she worked with her packmates and their allies to prepare the pack and the region—and to some extent, other parts of the world. Through their allies’ connections, and their links with the Human Alliance, the BlackEdge Wolves, the water-based changelings, and less formal relationships with other groups, SnowDancer had a worldwide network that disseminated and shared information in an effort to provide people with the means to protect themselves when the storm blew in.

However, within herself, where no one could see, she fought a far more heartbreaking war. Her love for Riaz had come to define her. She knew that no matter what the future brought, she would never again feel this glory, never again burn with such vibrant passion and wild tenderness. It brought her incredible joy to live with him, to laugh with him, to fall asleep in his arms … and every day, she woke up and for a single painful second, wondered if this was the day he’d look at her and realize what he’d given up.

She’d learned to hide that instinctive dart of pain, and today, as they sat on a bench in Golden Gate Park, watching the people out for a stroll among the flower beds on this piercingly bright fall day, she could almost believe that everything was as it should be, that she was with a man who was meant to be her own and no one else’s.

“Are you ever going to talk to me again?” Riaz demanded, his tone that of a man at the end of his patience.

It puzzled her. “Didn’t we just have a conversation about the toy dog we saw in that woman’s purse?” The little yapping thing had gone silent when the woman walked past them, its big eyes watching Riaz and Adria as if it expected to be eaten.

It had made them both laugh.

But no laughter colored Riaz’s voice when he spoke again. “We talk about everyday things, inconsequential things.” Eyes of palest brown met hers, shimmering with a film of heated anger … but his words, they held raw pain. “You’ve shut me out of your heart, amada, and it’s shredding me to pieces.”

It made her blood turn to ice, her breath catch until she had to get up, to walk, so she could find air again. He didn’t try to hem her in, her black wolf, didn’t do anything but watch. When she came back down to sit beside him, she gripped the edges of the bench. “I didn’t mean to.” It was instinctive, this withdrawing into herself, a defensive measure she’d learned in the years she’d been with Martin. “I didn’t even realize I was doing it.” Hurting him in the same horrible way she’d once been hurt, something she’d vowed never to do to anyone.

Devastated, she willed him to believe her. “I never meant to—”

“I know.” He reached out to tuck a flyaway strand of her unbound hair behind her ear in a sweet, familiar intimacy. “And I’m trying so goddamn hard not to push you, but I need you to be mine. Because I’m yours.”

Simple. Unguarded. A lone wolf’s heart in her hands.

Her chest ached. “I’m so afraid,” she whispered, tearing her soul open because his honesty demanded her own. “I try not to be, but I’m so scared you’ll regret letting her go. The fear chokes me up sometimes.”

Riaz didn’t do anything she would’ve expected from a dominant male. He didn’t take her into his arms and try to convince her it would be all right, didn’t growl or snarl until she relented. Instead, he said, “Look over there.”

Following his gaze, she found herself looking across the large flower bed in front to focus on an elderly couple who’d been sitting on the bench opposite them for some time. Adria had watched them take snacks out of a small lunchbox, pass each other coffee from a silver thermos, and hold hands. As they were doing now. “They’re beautiful together.” Their love was age worn and familiar, a groove worn into their lives and hearts. “You can tell they’re a unit.” Like a mated pair, one wouldn’t long survive the other.

“They’re not changeling.”

“Human,” she said. “Must be a hundred and twenty-five at least.” Fit and healthy, though they’d allowed their hair to turn snow white, their bodies to soften. Age sat on them with the warmest elegance.

“It’s their hundredth anniversary today,” Riaz said to her surprise. “So they decided to recreate their first date.”

Wonder bloomed within her. “How do you know?”

A small smile curved his lips, brought that light into his eyes she so adored. “I was eavesdropping when the park was a little quieter. The wind carried their words.”

“That’s so romantic,” she said, her face stretching from the depth of her smile. Maybe one day, it would be her and Riaz on this bench, a hundred years from now.

The dream was one she wanted with her every breath … and one, she understood in a moment of crystal clarity, that she had the power to make come true. As she had the power to destroy it, burying it under the cold darkness of fear until nothing remained.

The realization wiped everything else aside to leave her with a single blinding truth: their future had never been, and was never going to be, Riaz’s choice alone. He’d fought so hard for her, her lone wolf, and she would fight for him, too, to the last beat of her heart. Never again would she step gracefully aside. Forget about setting something free if you loved it—she would goddamn hold on to her man. Her wolf growled in agreement, its bruised spirit infused with steel, a door crashing open inside her that she hadn’t even been aware was locked shut.

“They’re not changeling, Adria.”

Her determination a hot pulse in her skin, she turned to look at him, his profile strong. “I know.” It was a frustrated statement, because all she wanted to do was touch her black wolf, hold him, make it up to him for having been such an idiot for so long.

“What does that mean?”

“Riaz.”

He slipped his hand to her nape, squeezed. “Look.”

Still scowling, she glanced up to see the man lean over to kiss his wife before he turned on the tiny music player he’d put on the bench. He held out his hand and she flowed into his arms. The song was an old one, from the time of their youth, and while their feet moved a little slower than they might have on that long-ago first date, the love between them was so luminous, it made every single person around them halt, stop breathing.

Adria, too, didn’t take her eyes off the couple until they finished dancing and packed up their things to walk away, hand in hand. “That’s…” She had no words for the sheer beauty of what she’d seen.

“They’re not changeling,” Riaz said again. “They don’t have the mating bond. Whatever they feel for one another can’t be what one mate-bonded changeling feels for another.”

“How can you say that?” She swiveled to face him, incensed that he’d try to lessen the wonder of what they’d just witnessed. “I dare anyone pry them apart.”

Riaz said nothing, his eyes a brilliant dark gold that glowed.

And she heard what she’d said, what he’d said. “We’re not human,” she whispered, hope an incandescent burst of sunshine in her blood.

This time, he did take her into his arms, into his lap, uncaring of who might be watching. “Does that mean we love any less?” Rough words from the heart of the wolf.

Shaking her head, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight. “I love you to madness.” She pulled back, his face cupped in her hands, giving him the words, the courtship, he’d given her. “Until I wake up early some days just to watch you sleep, until it hurts to be separated from you for even a day, until I steal your sweatshirts so I can rub my face against your scent.”

His arms squeezed her till she knew she’d carry bruises, but she didn’t care. When he would’ve spoken, she stopped him with a kiss, fisting her hand in his hair. “No more chances, Golden Eyes. You’re mine and I’ll draw blood to enforce my claim.” She didn’t care if a hundred women claimed rights—Riaz belonged to Adria and she was keeping him. “I’m through with being reasonable and accommodating and stupid enough to ever let you go. So get ready to tangle with a very possessive dominant female who considers you hers.”

A slow smile, the eyes of the wolf looking out at her. “I thought you’d never say that.” He nipped at her jaw, his wolf rubbing up against her own with an affection that made her want to shift and play with him through the flower beds. “You’re my one and only, too, but you already know that.”

Yes, she thought with a joyful laugh, she did. It was in his every touch, every glance, every caress, the pulse of it arcing through her bloodstream. They might never have the mating bond, but they’d created their own bond, and she dared anyone to break the wild beauty of it.

Then he spoke again and the joy splintered into a near-unbearable tenderness. “Heart of my heart, that’s who you are, Adria Morgan. Chosen and forever.” Picking her hand off his cheek, he pressed a lingering kiss to the palm before placing it over the strong, steady rhythm of that very organ. “Wolf and man, you own every part of me.”

Turning her hand to curl her fingers around his own, this lone wolf who wore his love with such pride, unafraid to show his vulnerability, she whispered, “Heart of my heart … my Riaz. Chosen and forever.” Smile tremulous, she traced his lips with her fingertips and surrendered the final vestiges of her own defenses. “And we’re even … because you own every part of me, too.”

His mouth moved under her touch, his smile creasing his cheeks. “I guess we’ll have to take good care of our gifts.”

“The best.” Laughter bubbled inside her, the sheer depth of her happiness seeking an outlet. “We need to dance.”

A raised eyebrow.

Passion melding with tenderness, she kissed him until his heart thundered, until he grinned in wolfish delight and asked her to do it again. “So,” she said after granting his wish, “we can do it on our hundredth anniversary.”

Her black wolf smiled, rose … and spun her out in an outrageous curve before spinning her into his arms again, her back to his chest. “Where you belong,” he said, pressing a kiss to her pulse.

Yes.