The Ranch

Chapter 15

On their third day in Wyoming, Zoe lay in bed and stretched sleepily. It was not quite seven o'clock and she was going to get up in a few minutes. She could hear someone stirring in the kitchen. Mary Stuart had just gotten up, and she was yawning as she started to go to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, and she almost jumped a foot when she ran into Tanya.

“What are you doing here?” Mary Stuart said in amazement. She had never gotten up at that hour in her life, not even in college.

“Last time I looked, I live here!” She had made coffee, and muffins, and taken a yogurt out of the fridge, and she looked as though she'd already brushed her teeth and washed her face, and when Zoe came out of her room, she couldn't believe it either.

“Is something wrong?” Zoe looked worried when she saw them. Maybe there was a problem of some kind. There had to be a real emergency to get Tanya out of bed at that hour, and she couldn't believe it when she found out there wasn't.

“Oh, for God's sake, what is it with you two? I just wanted to get an early start.” But they weren't buying her explanations.

“I know what it is,” Zoe said with a broad grin. It was her turn now. Tanya had pressed Zoe about Sam and Mary Stuart about Hartley. “It's Gordon.”

“Don't be stupid,” Tanya said, “he's a wrangler.”

“What difference does that make?” Zoe said matter-of-factly. “He looks at you like you walk on water.”

“Oh, bullshit,” Tanya said as she bustled around the tiny kitchen, but there was more truth to it than they knew. The previous afternoon, they had talked of many things while they were riding. Little Benjamin's accident had shaken all of them and turned the mood serious. Gordon had talked about his son. He was grown now and Gordon hadn't seen him in two years, but he was obviously fond of him. Tanya spoke of her failed marriage to Bobby Joe, she considered it her only real one, and still regretted that it hadn't held up to the rigors of her career, although she admitted that by now she would probably have outgrown him, but now and then she still missed him. And now that she was alone again, she wondered what it was all about. What was she going to end up with? A bunch of gold records, a pile of money, a big house? She had no husband, no kids, no one to take care of her when she got old, no one to be with, and share her victories and defeats with. It all seemed so pointless, and the place she had reached in her life seemed so empty. It was what everyone in Hollywood wanted, and the truth was it meant nothing to her. It had been serious stuff to share with him, but he had made a lot of sense, and been very comforting to her. He was smart and practical and down-to-earth, and so was she, and in an odd way they had a lot in common. He would have liked to talk to her some more, but they had to go back to the corral, and the wranglers were only allowed to eat with the guests on Sunday, unless they had a day off, which Gordon did. But Tanya liked talking to him. There were many things she liked about him. And she didn't mind his simplicity or his occasional roughness. He was never unkind, or thoughtless, there was nothing greedy or cruel about him, and he was very intelligent. She even liked the fact that they were fellow Texans, but she didn't feel ready to tell the others.

“Are you keeping secrets from us?” Zoe teased her, and Mary Stuart laughed at her too. But Tanya just ignored them and went to finish dressing. She looked particularly spectacular that day in a pair of bleached jeans, and a peach colored T-shirt. She was even wearing a new pair of boots, a pair of apricot hand-embroidered ones that she had bought a while before in Texas.

And when they went to the dining room for breakfast with the other guests, Hartley was waiting for them. He looked very cheerful, and very comfortable as he put an arm around Mary Stuart, and said a warm hello to the others. He smelled of soap and aftershave, and looked very handsome in a white shirt and blue jeans, and Tanya couldn't help thinking that he and Mary Stuart looked terrific together. They looked as though they were meant to be, and Zoe agreed with her, as she commented on it later, on the way to the stables.

Little Benjamin was waiting for them there, and having everyone sign his cast. Tanya gave him a big kiss and an autograph, and a bunch of young girls asked her for one too, and their mothers let them. People were more relaxed about seeing her around, but no one was taking sneaky pictures of her, which she appreciated. And when Gordon saw her, he waved, he was saddling up a bunch of horses. As always they were among the last to ride, and Mary Stuart sat on a bench with Benjamin on her lap, nuzzling his neck, and talking to him. He was like a gift now.

“You sure scared us yesterday, you wild guy you,” she said, remembering the sight of him flying toward the stables on the runaway horse and then sailing into the air, and onto the rocky roadway.

“The doctor said I should have broken my neck, but I didn't.”

“Well, that's lucky.”

“Yeah, and my mommy cried.” He looked at Mary Stuart seriously then. “You were right. She says she's never gonna love the baby like she loves me. I told her you said so.”

“Good.”

“She said I'd always be special.” And then he brought tears to her eyes again with a gesture that hit her like a fist to the solar plexus. “I'm sorry about your little boy,” he said as he kissed her.

“Me too,” she said, as her eyes filled with tears and her lips trembled, and Hartley watched her. “I still love him very, very much,” she said, barely able to speak. “He's still very special.”

“Can you see him sometimes?” he asked, puzzled by death. They were the kind of questions Todd would have asked her at his age, and she would have tried to answer, but she was honest with him.

“No, I can't. Not anymore. Just in my heart. I see him there all the time. And in pictures.”

“What's his name?”

“Todd.” Benjie nodded, as though that were sufficient introduction. And then a little while later he got off her lap and went to look at the horses, and then back up to their cabin to his mother. He seemed satisfied with his visit, and then Mary Stuart and Tanya and the others went out with Gordon. Hartley was looking at Mary Stuart, and she smiled. Dealing with Benjamin was still painful. He was so direct with her, but maybe it was healthy for her. It certainly wasn't easy, and Hartley gave her a quick squeeze before she got on her horse and told her she was terrific.

“I don't know what I ever did to get so lucky,” she answered.

“Clean living,” he teased her. And they had a nice ride that morning. Zoe was looking tired, so she took it easy, and the doctors had gone for a rafting trip in Yellowstone, so she rode along with Hartley and Mary Stuart. And Gordon and Tanya rode on ahead, and he invited her to the rodeo that night. He was in it.

“Are you kidding? What events do you ride in?”

He looked sheepish for a minute. “Bulls and broncs. I've done it since Texas.”

“Are you crazy?” She'd been to those rodeos as a kid. The guys got stomped on and dragged around, half of them were brain damaged before they were thirty, the others had so many broken bones, they walked like old men even though they were in their twenties. “That is a really dumb thing to do,” she said, looking angry. “You're a smart guy, why risk your life for a couple of hundred dollars, or a silver buckle?” He had ten of them at home, but so what, if he wound up crippled?

“They're just like your platinum records,” he said quietly, not surprised at her reaction. His mother said the same thing, and so did his sisters. Women just didn't get it. “Like what you have to go through to get a gold record, or an Oscar. Look at the torture they put you through, rehearsals, threats, bad managers, tabloids. It's a lot easier riding a bronc for ninety seconds.”

“Yeah, but I don't get dragged around on my head in horse shit until I'm brain dead. Gordon, I disapprove of this,” she said sternly, and he looked disappointed. Maybe she was a big-city girl after all, and not a Texan.

“Does that mean you won't come tonight?” He looked crushed, and she shook her head, but she was smiling.

“Of course I will. But I still think you're crazy.” He grinned at her then and lit a cigarette. “What are you riding tonight?”

“Saddle broncs. That's easy.”

“Show-off.” She was excited about it. She loved rodeos, and she'd been planning to go anyway. He invited her to come see him at the pens, and she said she would if she could find him. It wasn't always easy for her to get around either. If people recognized her, it would restrict her movements, and she might even have to leave if people really surrounded her. She never went to public events like that without a bodyguard, but she didn't want to this time. She was just going to go in her bus, with Tom, and Zoe and Mary Stuart. And Hartley, if he wanted to join them. But Tanya could hardly wait to see it. And she had just the outfit for it.

She was like a kid going to the fair when they got dressed that night before dinner. She came out of her room wearing soft beige suede jeans with fringe down the side, and a matching beige suede shirt with the same fringe and a suede neck scarf. And she had a cowboy hat exactly the same color. It looked very Western, but she had bought it all in Paris, and the suede was so soft it felt like velvet on her body.

“Wow! You Texans!” Mary Stuart complained. She had worn emerald-green blue jeans and a matching sweater, with black alligator boots from Billy Martin's. And Zoe was wearing stretch jeans with a Ralph Lauren military jacket. As usual, they were the best-looking group in the place, and Hartley had started calling them “Hartley's Angels,” which amused them.

It was a lively dinner that night, and Benjamin was running all over the dining room while his mother was threatening to go into labor. She said it had been a traumatic week and she couldn't wait to get home to Kansas City that weekend, and Mary Stuart couldn't blame her. It was not the kind of week you would have wanted to have while eight months pregnant, but Mary Stuart was happy she'd met Benjie. He made her sign his cast for a second time, and right after dinner, they went out to Tanya's bus and left for Jackson Hole with Hartley. He had agreed to join them at the rodeo, and he was enthralled by the bus as they drove there. He loved it.

“I can't believe this,” he said, amused by all of it. “And I thought I was hot stuff with a Jaguar.”

“I drive a ten-year-old Volkswagen van,” Zoe confided to him, and he laughed. But it was for a good cause in her case, every penny she had she put into the clinic to buy medicine and equipment.

“I'm afraid the literary world can't compete with Hollywood,” he said apologetically. “You beat us hands down, Tanya.”

“Yeah, but look at the shit we have to put up with. You people work like gentlemen. The people I deal with are savages, so I deserve this.” She justified it and they all laughed, but no one begrudged it to her, not even Hartley. She worked hard for her money.

And in the comfortable bus, the time passed quickly on the way into Jackson Hole from Moose, and half an hour later they were at the rodeo, and they were nearly half an hour early. The ranch had gotten them great tickets. And it all had a familiar smell and feel to it that reminded Tanya of her childhood. It was just the way Tanya remembered it when she was a little girl. She used to ride her pony over and watch all of it. And when she was a little older she rode in it a few times, but her daddy said it was too expensive, and she wasn't all that crazy about horses. She just loved the excitement. It was like the circus.

They took their seats and bought popcorn and Cokes, just as an official of the rodeo approached her. She wondered if there was something wrong, if they'd had a death threat or a security problem, the man approaching them looked extremely nervous, and Hartley became instantly protective and stood in front of her as the man approached them and asked to speak to Tanya.

“May I ask what this is about?” Hartley asked politely, sensing some kind of danger, or imposition at the very least, as she had.

“I'd like to speak to Miz Thomas,” he said with an accent Tanya recognized easily as Texas and not Wyoming. “We have a favor to ask her.” He peered over Hartley's shoulder at her and added, “As a fellow Texan.”

“What can I do to help you?” She stepped forward. She had decided he was harmless, though annoying.

“We were wondering if…” He was sweating uncontrollably, he had been delegated for this task, and he was wishing someone else had done it. And her bodyguard really scared him. He was very well dressed, and a little awesome. It was, of course, Hartley, though she had bought a ticket for Tom too, but she didn't know where he was sitting. “Miz Thomas,” the man from Texas went on nervously, “I know you probably don't do this, and we can't pay you anything… but we wondered… it would be a real honor…” she wanted to shake him to help him get the words out,“… if you'd sing the anthem for us tonight.” She was so startled she didn't answer for a moment. She had done that before, but there was something touching about it. It was a hard song to sing, but in a way it would be fun to do it. Right out in the open, with the mountains all around them. It was such a sweet idea that she smiled at him, and wondered what Gordon would think if she did it. In a funny way, she wanted to do it for him, to wish him luck on his bronco.

“It would be an honor,” she said seriously, and meant it. “Where would you like me to do it?”

“Would you come with me?” She hesitated for a moment, always slightly afraid of the crowd, and what could happen to her, and there was no one to protect her. The others looked a little concerned, but no one had recognized her so far, and it was tempting to just go with him and do it.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Hartley asked, he didn't want her to be in any danger, and he was more than happy to go with her to offer his protection.

“I think I'll be all right,” she said in an undertone to him. “I'll stay out in the open, and if you see anything strange happen, or a crowd closing in, get the security right away, call the police, just get them out there.” But they might not be fast enough and she knew that.

“I don't think you should do this,” he said conservatively.

“It's a nice thing to do though. It would mean a lot to them.” And it was a gift she could give to Gordon. She wanted to do it for him and the people of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. “Don't worry,” she said, patted his arm, glanced at her friends, and followed the perspiring man from the rodeo down a flight of stairs out of the bleachers and around the ring. They were right out in the open and the others could watch her. What they were proposing was that she stand on a box in the middle of the ring with a microphone and sing, or if she preferred, she could do it on horseback. It was a scenario she much preferred. She was a target either way, but she had more mobility on a horse than on foot, and she was a good enough rider to get out of any situation if she had a horse on which to do it. They were more than happy to have her do it on horseback, and they offered her a beautiful palomino which matched her hair and her outfit. It was more theatrical that way anyway. She only hoped she wasn't making herself an easy target for a crazy with a gun. It was an awful way to think, but when she did concerts, she had to. Her agent would have had a nervous breakdown, if he'd known what she was about to do, with no protection, and for free yet. But the little girl from Texas still lived in her. If she had thought when she was a child she would sing the anthem at the rodeo one day, she would never have believed it. It was something she had never done, and used to dream of, as a kid from Texas. And she agreed to do it on horseback. They explained to her that she'd go on in the next ten minutes. And as she looked around, she wondered if she'd see Gordon, but she didn't. No one seemed to be in the least aware of her presence, or what was coming. No one knew she was in the audience, or so she thought, although the people from the rodeo said that the girl at the ranch who'd ordered the tickets for her had said who they were for, which annoyed her a little, but it was hard to control that. Someone always said something. But the crowd at the rodeo was in no way prepared for the announcement that was made as the rodeo began, nor was Gordon.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the grand marshal said into a mike as he sat in the ring on a big, black stallion. “We have a real treat in store for you this evening. The Jackson Hole Rodeo welcomes you tonight, and to thank you for coming here to see our bulls and our broncs and our cowboys, we have a real nice lady who's going to give you quite a treat. She's going to sing our anthem. She's visiting Jackson Hole,” and as he said it, Tanya prayed he'd have the brains not to say where she was slaying, and the others hoped the same thing as they sat in the bleachers, but mercifully he didn't. “And she's pretty familiar with the rodeo herself. She's a Texas gal… ladies and gentlemen,” there was a powerful drumroll from the members of the high school band who were about to play the anthem, “I give you… Tanya Thomas!” And as he said the words, a cowboy opened the gate, and she galloped into the ring on the palomino. She made an incredible sight with her blond hair flying out behind her. She was holding the mike in one hand and the reins in the other, and the horse was livelier than she'd expected, and she was praying she wouldn't fall off before she got to sing the anthem. And according to plan, she galloped once around the ring, and then walked the horse into the middle, smiling at the crowd and waving as they screamed and cheered her. People were on their feet and unable to believe their good fortune. And for a fraction of an instant, she was afraid they would stampede her. She could almost smell it brewing. And she wished she could see Gordon, but she couldn't. He was standing far behind her, straddling the bronc pens, unable to believe what he was seeing, or the crowd's reactions. He was surprised that she hadn't warned him, but he watched as the crowd continued to scream and shout her name, and stamp their feet in rhythm. But she was holding up a hand, and they stopped finally so they could hear her.

“Okay, now… I'm excited to see you too, but this isn't a concert. It's a rodeo… and we're going to sing our anthem, so let's settle down. It's a real honor for me to be here,” she said it with such feeling that they actually quieted down and really listened. “This is a special song for all of us Americans,” she said, plucking at their heartstrings. “And I want you to think about what it says, and sing it with me.” She bowed her head for a minute and there was an instant of silence and then the band began, and they played it better than any professional orchestra she'd ever heard play it. They were doing it just for her, and she sang her heart out for the people of Jackson Hole, and the tourists, and her friends, and the people of Texas… and Gordon. She sang it mostly for him, and hoped that he knew that. She knew what the rodeo meant to him, the same thing it had meant to her as a little girl in Texas. It was the high point of his existence, at least it always had been. But at that moment, the only thing he could think of was her, and what he was hearing and seeing. He had never seen or heard anything more beautiful than Tanya singing the anthem, and he wished he had it on tape, so he could play it forever. It brought tears to his eyes, and to almost everyone who heard her. And they went absolutely insane when she finished. She gave them one last wave and galloped out of the ring, before they could leap over the barricades and mob her. She was out the gate before they could move, and had the mike in the hands of the man from the rodeo who kissed her on the cheek so hard he almost knocked her over, and then she dismounted and literally disappeared into the crowd, and headed toward the bronc pens to see if she could find Gordon. She was shaking with excitement.

No one actually saw where she went, and she moved so quickly that they lost track of her in the crowd. Even Hartley couldn't see her now, and Mary Stuart and Zoe were worried about her, hut she knew exactly where she was going. She had hung around rodeos too long not to know how to find the bronc pens, and within two minutes she saw him, still looking dazed, astride pen number five. And as though he sensed her nearby, he looked down and saw her. And he clambered down the rails like a monkey until he stood beside her. He towered over her, and she was beaming.

“Why didn't you tell me you were going to do that?” He looked hurt that she hadn't told him, but he was still moved by her singing.

“I didn't know till I got here. They came and asked me the minute I sat down.”

“You were unbelievable,” he said proudly. He couldn't believe he knew her. The last few days had been like a dream for him, and now he was standing there talking to her, as though he'd always known her. He was wearing green-and-silver leather chaps, and handmade boots to match them, a bright green shirt, and a gray cowboy hat, and silver spurs that jangled. “I've never heard anyone sing like that,” he said in amazement, as people jostled around them, but no one seemed to realize who he was talking to. They hadn't figured it out yet.

“It's a crazy thing to say,” she said, feeling shy suddenly, like a kid, and she wasn't sure if he should hear it, “but I did it for you. I thought it might bring you luck… I thought you might like it…”

His eyes were a caress as he looked at her, but he felt as shy as she did. “I don't know what to say to you. I just don't know, Tanya…” Tanya… Tanya Thomas… he kept wanting to pinch himself. Was this happening to him? Was she talking to him? Had he been riding with her since Monday? It was crazy. He was dreaming.

“It was kind of my gift to you… now you give me one too.” He was terrified of what she would ask of him. But at that moment, he would have done just about anything for her. “You stay safe, that's all I want. Take care. Even if it means no score. It's not worth it otherwise, Gordon. Life's too important.” She had seen so many people come and go in her life, so many stupid things happen, so many people who risked everything for something that meant nothing. She didn't want him killing himself for seventy-five bucks on a stupid bronco. In some ways, rodeos were like bullfights. The stakes were just too high sometimes, and you had to know when to cut your losses.

“I promise,” he said, sounding hoarse as their eyes met. His knees were turning to water.

“Take care,” she said, and touched his arm, and the velvet of her suede suit brushed past his hand and she literally vanished. She had seen people watching them, and before anyone took a picture, or they mobbed her, she wanted to get back to the bleachers. It might be impossible to stay now anyway, now that they knew she was there, but she was dying to see him ride. It took her a full five minutes, but she got back to her seat with no mishap, and her heart was pounding when she got there, but it was because of Gordon, not the crowd or the performance. She had never been as moved by anyone in her life as she was by him, and she knew it could be dangerous for both of them. She didn't need another scandal, and he didn't need his life turned upside down by a singer who was going to get on her bus and leave town two weeks later.

“Where the hell were you?” Zoe was frantic when she got back to where they were sitting, and so was Mary Stuart and even Hartley. They had just been about to call the security when she got there.

“I'm really sorry,” she apologized profusely to all of them, “I didn't mean to worry you. It took me a while to get through the crowd, and I ran into Gordon.” Everyone accepted it and she sat down and they did too, and half a minute later, Mary Stuart leaned toward her and spoke to her in a whisper.

“You're full of shit, you went to find him.” There was mischief in her eyes, and Tanya avoided eye contact with her. She really didn't want to admit it. She was far more smitten with him than she was ready to tell them.

“Of course not.” She tried to brush her off and pretended to watch the first event, which was roping, which always bored her.

“I saw you,” Mary Stuart said, and their eyes met. Her friend was smiling. “Be careful,” she whispered into Tanya's ear, but as they were talking, half a dozen people approached them and asked Tanya to sign autographs. And since she had made a willing spectacle of herself, she didn't think she could refuse them. It was like that all night, through the team roping, the barrel racing, the bareback broncos, the bulls, and then finally, she saw him. He was riding a fierce, bucking bronco with a saddle. And the thing she hated most about saddle broncs was that the cowboys taped one hand into the horn on the saddle. They had to come off specifically on one side, and be able to get their hand out. And if they didn't, they could be dragged around on their head for ten minutes before the pickup men could catch them. She had seen some horrifying accidents while she was a child in Texas, And she found herself terrified as she watched him come out of the gate on a vicious brown horse that did everything it could to get rid of its rider. His feet were in the air just as they were meant to be, his legs straight forward, his head and torso tilted far back, and he didn't touch the saddle with his free hand. And he seemed to ride forever. He rode until the bell, he had stayed on longer than anyone, and he made a nice clean jump to the ground, while the pickup men went after the bronco and got him. He got an almost perfect score and waved his hat and his taped hand in her direction and then strode across the ring back to the pens, with his chaps and his boots, looking glorious. It had been a real victory for him. And he had done it for Tanya.

They stayed until the last event, a final round of bulls, followed by fourteen-year-old boys on young steers, that made you wonder about the boys’ parents. It was certainly not as dangerous as the bulls, but close enough, and Mary Stuart was outraged.

“Those people should be put in jail for letting those boys do that.” In fact, one of the youths had been stomped, a boy of twelve, but he was on his feet again within a few minutes. Zoe and the others had been watching closely.

But in spite of some of the barbarism, and the sheer hokiness, Tanya had to admit she loved it, it was everything she had always loved as a child. And as they left, the others couldn't believe the number of people who asked for autographs on the way out, who snapped her picture, and tried to touch her. But the grand marshal had very kindly sent the security and the real police over to her, anticipating that, and she managed to get back to the bus without any real problems. There were still about fifty people standing outside the bus when they left, waving and shouting, and running alongside the bus as it drove away. It was an amazing phenomenon. It was the adoration that always came before the hatred. If she stayed long enough, they would have torn her limb from limb, in order to get a piece of her or maybe some lunatic would really hurt her. It was the kind of atmosphere that always made her very nervous in crowds, or out in public.

“Tanya, you're amazing,” Hartley said to her as they pulled away. He was filled with admiration. She was gracious to everyone, while still maintaining her dignity, and trying to give them what they wanted, and yet keep a reasonable distance. But through it all, one sensed constantly how precarious the balance of the crowd was. “I would be terrified of even a little crowd like that,” he said sensibly. “I'm an inveterate coward.” But she was used to doing concerts in front of as many as seventy-five thousand. Yet even in a crowd like the one tonight, someone could easily have lost control and killed her. And she knew it. “You also have a voice straight from God,” he said. “Everyone around us was crying.”

“Me too,” Mary Stuart said, smiling,

“I always cry when you sing,” Zoe said matter-of-factly, and Tanya smiled, touched by all of them. It had been a remarkable evening, and Hartley sat with them for a while when they went back, and then he and Mary Stuart took a walk, and he brought her back around eleven-thirty. They had stood in the moonlight for ages kissing, and Tanya and Zoe thought they were cute and incredibly romantic.

“What do you think will happen?” Tanya asked Zoe as they sat in the living room, talking.

“It would be nice for her if things worked out with him, but it's hard to tell. I have the feeling in a place like this it's a little bit like a shipboard romance. And I'm not sure she's worked it all out in her head with Bill yet.” It was astute of Zoe to notice.

“He's been such a bastard to her all year, I hope she leaves him,” Tanya said, sounding harder than usual, but she was angry at Bill, and she felt sorry for Mary Stuart.

“But he's been in pain too.” Zoe was more familiar with the strain a death in the family put on otherwise decent people. It turned some of them into saints, others into monsters. And Bill Walker had definitely been the latter.

Zoe was going to say something about Tanya's wrangler too, but Mary Stuart came in then, beaming.

“Are we allowed to check for beard burn?” Tanya asked, reminiscent of school, and they all collapsed in laughter.

“God, I'd forgotten what that is,” Mary Stuart laughed, and then turned to Tanya. “You were unbelievable tonight, Tan. Better than ever. I've never heard you like that.”

“It was fun. That's the good part. I always love the singing.”

“Well, you give a lot of people a great deal of pleasure,” Mary Stuart said kindly.

They chatted for a little while, and Mary Stuart and Zoe went to bed, and Tanya decided to stay in the living room reading. She was still exhilarated from the rodeo, and her brief performance, and just after midnight, she heard a soft tapping on the window. She thought it was an animal outside at first, and then she looked up and saw a flash of green shirt, and then a face smiling at her like a mischievous boy. It was Gordon. And she grinned when she saw him. She wondered if in some instinctive part of her she had been waiting for him. The thought crossed her mind as she slipped quietly out to see him. It was chilly outside, and she was still wearing her velvety suedes, and she was barefoot.

“Shhh!” He put a finger to his lips, but she hadn't been about to call his name. She had already guessed that he could get in a lot of trouble for being there at that hour, with her. His cottage was down behind the stables.

“What are you doing here?” she whispered, and he beamed at her. He was as excited as she was.

“I don't know. I think I'm crazy. Maybe almost as crazy as you are.” It was as though he had known her forever. And he would never forget what she had done for him that night, or the voice with which she sang it.

“You were great,” she said, smiling at him. “Congratulations. You won.”

“Thank you,” he said proudly. It mattered to him. A lot. And just as she had, he said he had done it for her. It was his gift to Tanny, as he called her. It made her seem less like Tanya Thomas.

“I know you did.” He was standing next to a tree as she talked to him, and he suddenly leaned against it and pulled her toward him.

“I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm crazy. I could get fired for this.”

“I don't want you to get hurt,” she said honestly, standing close to him, hoping no one would see them.

“I don't want you to get hurt either.” And then he frowned, looking at her. He had never been as afraid as he was that night, not for himself, but for her, when the crowd engulfed her when she left him. “I was terrified… I was so afraid someone might hurt you.”

“They might one day,” she said sorrowfully, it came with the territory for her, and she accepted it. Almost. “It could happen.” She tried to sound casual about it, but she wasn't.

“I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Ever.” And then he surprised himself with what he said, “I wish I could be there to protect you.”

“You can't all the time. Someone could get me coming out of my house any morning, or onstage at a concert. Or at a supermarket.” She smiled philosophically, but he looked unhappy.

“You should have guards around you all the time.” He would have kept her locked in the house, anything to protect her,

“I don't want to live like that, only when I have to,” she whispered. “I'm pretty good in a crowd, as long as they don't go crazy.”

“The police said there were more than a hundred people running after you when you left tonight… that scared me…”

“I'm fine,” she smiled at him. “You're in a lot of danger on those crazy broncos. Maybe you ought to think about that instead of my fans,” she said, as he pulled her still closer and she didn't resist him. She didn't want to resist him, she wanted to melt into him, to be part of him, and as he looked at her he could think of nothing but her face, her eyes, the woman he had discovered behind the legend.

“Oh God, Tanny,” he whispered into her hair. “I don't know what I'm doing…” He had been so afraid of her, of being blown away by her, or impressed, but he had never expected this, this avalanche of feelings. And as she put her arms around him, he kissed her as he had kissed no other woman. He was forty-two years old, and in his whole life, he had never felt for a woman what he did for this one. And in less than two weeks now she'd be gone, and he'd wonder if it ever happened. “Tell me I'm not crazy,” he said, looking down at her after he kissed her. “Except that I know I am.” He looked both miserable and ecstatic all at once, victorious and defeated, but she was just as wildly enamored as he was.

“We both are,” she said gently. “I don't know what's happening to me either.” It was like a tidal wave that just wouldn't stop and he kissed her again and again, and all she wanted to do was make love with him and they both knew they shouldn't.

“What are we doing?” He looked down and asked her. And then he wanted to know something he hadn't even thought to ask her. “Are you married? Do you have someone… a boyfriend?” If she did, he was going to stop now, even if it killed him, but she shook her head and kissed him again.

“I'm getting divorced. It's already filed. And there's no one else.” And then she looked at him, it was as though there never had been. And she suspected that if Gordon had been there instead of Bobby Joe, they would still be married.

“That's all I wanted to know. We can figure out the rest later. Maybe there will be no ‘rest.’ But I didn't want to play games if you were married or something.”

“I don't do that,” she said softly. “I've never done this before… I don't care what they say about singers or movie stars… I've never fallen head over heels like this.” In fact, she had married the men she'd cared for. She was actually pretty square. But what she felt now for him was almost too much to handle. And then she thought of him and the possible repercussions. “You have to be very careful so no one knows. I don't want you to get in trouble.” He nodded, not really caring. He had been at the ranch for three years, and he was the head wrangler at the corral, but he would have gladly given it all up for her, if she'd asked him.

“Tanny,” he said, holding her close to him, running his hands through her incredible hair and kissing her again and again. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered, feeling more than a little crazy. Neither of them had any idea what they would do about it, if anything, but for the moment, it was more than a little overwhelming. He didn't even want to think about what he was doing.

“Will you come back to the rodeo on Saturday?”

“Sure.” She smiled at him, wishing she could sit on the bronc pen with him.

“Don't sing again. I don't want you to get hurt,” he whispered.

“I won't,” she whispered back, still leaning against the tree with him.

“I mean it.” He looked genuinely worried about her. She had marched right into his heart three days before, as though she belonged there.

“Then don't ride the broncs,” she teased, but she didn't mean it. She knew he had to, for the moment. Maybe later, he would stop it. If there was a later between them. But how could that happen? They both knew it couldn't.

“I'm going to worry about you now all the time,” he said unhappily.

“Don't. Let's trust fate a little bit. It brought us together. It's a complete fluke I'm even here… why don't we just see what happens. Life is funny like that.”

“You're funny, and I love you.” He smiled and kissed her.

They stood there for a long time and kissed and talked. He had a day off on Sunday and wanted to go exploring with her. She offered to take him in the bus, but he just wanted to take her out in his truck, and show her the places he loved, and she agreed to go with him. She had to figure out what to tell the others. She didn't really want to discuss it with them. There was something so magical about what was happening to them, she wanted to keep it private.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” he whispered finally, but he couldn't imagine not being able to kiss her the next day, or put his arms around her, but they both knew he couldn't. Maybe he could come back the next night, and go for a walk with her, late like this, but she didn't want him to get in trouble. The ranch management frowned on romances between guests and wranglers, although everyone knew it sometimes happened. But he swore it had never happened to him. He had never done anything like it. And ail he could tell himself was that, for a virgin, he had hit the jackpot.

She stood in the doorway and watched him go. He was silent and quick, and he disappeared into the darkness almost the instant he left her. It was after two o'clock by then, and they had been out there for nearly two hours, talking and kissing. And when Tanya went inside, she jumped when she heard a sound. She had thought they were asleep, but it was Zoe putting the kettle on in the kitchen. She looked green and she had a blanket around her. She didn't tell Tanya, but she had raging diarrhea.

“Are you okay?” Tanya asked as soon as she came in, wondering how she would explain what she was doing outside, but she didn't have to. Zoe had guessed, and didn't press her about it. “You look sick.”

“I'm all right,” she said unconvincingly, and Tanya could see that she was shaking from head to foot, and she was really worried.

“Zoe?” Tanya looked at her with wide, worried eyes, and Zoe just shook her head. She didn't want to talk about it. “Go to bed, I'll make your tea for you.” Zoe went back to bed gratefully, and Tanya came in with a cup of mint tea a few minutes later. Zoe was still shaking but she looked a little better. Tanya handed Zoe the mug, and sat down on the edge of the bed. “What's happening?” she asked, looking worried.

“Not much. Just a bug.” But somehow, Tanya didn't believe her.

“Do you want me to call a doctor?”

“Of course not. I am a doctor. I've got everything I need here.” She had her AZT, a host of other medicines, she even had a shot she could give herself if the diarrhea got out of control again. She nearly hadn't made it to the bathroom. That would have been beyond awful, and it would have taken a lot of explaining.

They sat there for a while, just thinking, both of them, as Zoe sipped her tea and then lay back on the pillows. She looked at her old friend and felt she had to say something. “Tanny… be careful… what if he's not what you think… what if he sells his story to someone… or hurts you. You don't really know him.” Tanny wondered how Zoe had known, she was one sharp bird, and she smiled as she listened to her. None of it was impossible, but her instincts told her he was genuine, and she usually only got in trouble when she ignored her instincts.

“I think he's all right, Zoe. I know that sounds crazy, because I hardly know him. But he keeps reminding me of Bobby Joe.”

Zoe smiled at her wanly. “The funny thing is he reminds me of him too. But the fact is he isn't Bobby Joe, He's his own person. And he could do a lot of things to hurt you.” The price the tabloids put on her head was a big one. They would have paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for a story about her. Especially this one. Not to mention pictures,

“I know that,” Tanya said cautiously. “And the truth is it's remarkable that I'm still willing to trust anyone, but I am. I may be crazy, but I trust him.”

“You may be right,” Zoe said fairly. She had always been fair, even when they were young. It was one of the many things Tanya loved about her. “Just don't give your heart away too fast, you only get one, and it's a mess to repair once it gets broken.” The two women exchanged a long, slow smile. Zoe would have liked nothing better than to see Tanya find the right guy and be protected.

“What about your heart?” Tanny asked her, as Zoe set her mug down. And she was looking a little better. “Why have you been alone for so long? Is it broken?”

“No,” she said honestly, “just full of other people's stories. There's never enough time… and now there's my baby. I don't need more than that.”

“I don't believe you,” Tanya said wisely, “we all do.”

“Maybe I'm different,” Zoe said, but she looked sad, and sick and lonely, and Tanya wished she could do more for her. She had always loved her like a sister, and Zoe did so much for so many. She was truly a saint of sorts, and Tanya was worried that she looked so ill and was so exhausted. There was no one to take care of her normally, to nurture her, and do for her what she did for others. But she was looking sleepy now, and Tanya turned off the light and kissed her forehead.

“Get some sleep, and if you don't feel better in the morning, I'm calling a doctor.”

“I'll be fine,” she said, closing her eyes, and she was almost asleep before Tanya left the room. She stood in the doorway for a moment and looked at her. Zoe was already asleep by then, and she was smiling.

And as Tanya walked back to her own room, her thoughts drifted back to Gordon. She knew Zoe was right. He could do terrible things to her and really hurt her. She was the most vulnerable person she knew, and she couldn't afford the same emotional luxuries as other people. He could write an unauthorized biography, or give an interview to the tabloids, he could take photographs of her and blackmail her if she let him, he could do anything from extort money from her to kill her. But how could she live constantly worrying about things like that? And she was always so circumspect and so careful. And now suddenly in three days she had fallen head over heels in love with a cowboy. It was insane, and yet nothing in her life had ever felt more right, or saner. And as she slipped into bed after she brushed her teeth and put her nightgown on, all she could think of was how he looked that night when she told him she'd sung the anthem for him. And all she cared about was to be with him again, in the morning. And as she fell asleep, she could see his face, his eyes, as he rode the bronco… his green-and-silver chaps flying… his hand held high… she was singing for him… and he was smiling.