The Ranch

Chapter 20

By Thursday, they were each clinging to the last of their days, like worry beads they were each hanging on to for different reasons. Of the three of them Zoe was the most excited to go home, she'd been talking to Sam every day, she was feeling well, and she was anxious to see her baby. But she still loved being at the ranch, and felt that each day there was an opportunity to get stronger. It was like going to Lourdes, she said jokingly, she could look up at the mountains and pray and she knew she would go home a whole person. And John Kroner even said there was something to that.

But for the others, each day less was an agony of sorts, a priceless gift they had lost, something they knew they would never again recapture. In the face of their departure, Hartley was beginning to fear that they had been too cautious, that they should have had an affair, that they should have done more than kiss and hold each other, and learn all about each other. He saw what Tanya and Gordon had, and he suddenly envied them. But when he talked to Mary Stuart about it on Thursday afternoon, she told him he was being foolish. They had done the right thing for them, and he knew that. She reminded him of how much they had both been through, how much loss, how much pain, and how much wiser for them to proceed with caution. She didn't want to begin their relationship by feeling she had cheated on Bill, or left him for Hartley. She didn't want guilt trailing them for the rest of their lives, and Hartley smiled at her, relieved by what she was saying. For a short time, he had panicked.

“As long as there is a ‘rest of our lives,’ then I'm not worried.” Neither of them was completely sure of it, and there was still her trip to London to live through, but it certainly looked as though they were going to wind up together. And anyone watching them for any length of time would have put money on it, particularly Tanya and Zoe.

“I think I'm going to go crazy when I know you're in London,” Hartley said sheepishly. He was such a nice man, and he was so attractive. He had invited Mary Stuart to go to Seattle with him. He was talking to a library there that wanted to build a wing in his honor, and from there he was flying to Boston, to discuss a lecture he was going to give at Harvard. It was going to be an interesting life for her, if she joined him. He was anxious to have her read his work too, and he had given her pieces of the manuscript he was working on. It had been a great honor for her, and suddenly the prospect of finding a job no longer seemed as important. Hartley was going to keep her very busy.

But she declined his offer to travel with him when they left Wyoming. She wanted to go back to Los Angeles with Tanya, spend a day or two with her, and then fly on to London. She needed to get it over with, to clear her head. And she would meet him back in New York as soon as it was over. It would be better for both of them, she'd be free then. And she was more than willing to spend the rest of the summer with him at Fisher's Island. He wanted to give a dinner party for her, to introduce her to his friends, and let them know the good times had come again after nearly two years of solitude and silence. He was ready to come out of hiding.

“I'll call you the minute I've talked to him.” Mary Stuart smiled gently as they walked along. They had ridden that morning, but decided not to ride that afternoon. They wanted to be alone and do some hiking.

“Maybe we should arrange some kind of a signal.”

“Like what?” She tried to imagine what she would feel like in his shoes, and she sympathized although she thought he was unduly nervous about it. Her trip to London was nothing more than a courtesy, as far as she was concerned, especially after her last conversation with her husband. “What kind of signal do you have in mind?” she smiled gently.

“One if by land, two if by sea,” he laughed, and then frowned as he thought about it. And then finally he looked at her with worried eyes. “Just send me a fax with some kind of a message. And let me know when you're coming. I'll pick you up at the airport.”

“Stop worrying,” she said, and kissed him, as they walked slowly back toward the ranch, holding hands, just as Gordon and Tanya galloped back from Shadow Mountain. They had been surveying the damage after the fire, and it was fairly extensive. They were talking about it on the way down, when Tanya noticed a man on foot coming out of a clearing. He looked like sort of a wild mountain man, he was wearing torn clothes and had long hair, and in spite of the rubble and the charred wood everywhere, he was barefoot. He stood watching them for a little while, and then he disappeared into the tree line.

“Who was that?” Tanya asked as they rode on. He had looked strange, and he'd been carrying a rifle.

“There are guys like that who live up in the mountains from time to time. They travel around the national parks. The fire probably drove him out and he's looking for a new campsite. They're harmless.” Gordon looked unconcerned as they rode on, and Tanya smiled as she thought of something. She had asked him about a ride she wanted to take tomorrow. He said it was possible, but they would have to start early.

They were back at the corral on time at the end of the afternoon. She left him there, and they both knew she would be at the cabin later that night. She was spending all of her evenings there, after she had dinner with the others, and she was back before they got up in the morning. It was the happiest time she'd had in years and none of them begrudged it to her.

She had dinner with them all that night, and all of them were in good spirits. Hartley and Mary Stuart looked relaxed, and Zoe had spent the afternoon at the hospital visiting John Kroner, She enjoyed his company and he was grateful for her input with his patients. They were all laughing and telling jokes, and it was later than usual when she left them in the cabin. Even Hartley suspected where she went although he didn't know how long she stayed there. But Gordon was a nice guy and they seemed surprisingly well matched. It actually didn't shock him.

She walked down the path, as she always did, and the sky was filled with stars. It was such a pretty night, she almost hated to go in, and she could hear the horses neighing softly when she went by them. He was waiting for her, as he always did. He had music on, and he'd made coffee for her. They sat and talked for a while, and inevitably they made love, and as she lay with him, she wished she could turn the clock back. Time was moving much too quickly. They were lying in the dark and talking late that night when she thought she heard a crashing sound, a dog barked, and then the horses suddenly were neighing loudly. Gordon turned his head in the dark, and listened to the sounds, and then the dog barked again, and it sounded as though the horses were going crazy.

“Is something wrong?” she asked quietly.

“I don't know. Sometimes something spooks them, a coyote sneaks down to the corral, or someone walks by. It's probably nothing.” But ten minutes later, it hadn't stopped, if anything it was worse, and she could hear banging sounds, as though some of the horses were rearing in their stalls, and Gordon decided to put his clothes on and check them. “I'm sure they're fine,” but he was responsible for looking in on them in case anything happened. And she knew she couldn't go with him.

“I'll wait here,” she said, watching him move around in the dark. He had put on jeans and boots, and pulled a sweater over his bare chest. He looked so handsome as he stood there in the moonlight that she almost wanted to stop him. She kissed him long and hard and felt him aroused and he laughed softly in the darkness.

“Hold that thought, I'll be right back.” He headed for the corral at a run, and then she saw him slow as he rounded the corner. She was peeking from his kitchen window. And she couldn't see anything. Other than the noise the horses had made, and were still making now, everything seemed to be peaceful. But he didn't come back for a long time and after an hour, she got worried. She didn't know if one of the horses was sick, and he had to stay with it, or if something had happened. And she couldn't call anyone for help, or ask someone to check. She decided to put her own clothes on and look for him. At worst if she met someone, she could say she hadn't been able to sleep and had gone for a walk. They wouldn't know where she'd come from.

She walked slowly toward the corral, and it seemed quieter suddenly, but as she turned the corner she saw them. It was the mountain man, he was pointing a gun at Gordon, who stood very still talking to him, and then she saw that several of the horses were smeared with blood, and one was lying on the ground, and she noticed a huge hunting knife he was brandishing at Gordon. It took her a moment to realize what was happening, and then slowly she backed away and began to run, and just as she turned the corner he saw her, and as he did, a shot rang out. She had no idea where he'd shot or who, or if he was shooting at her, she just kept running. She knew she had to get help and fast, and she prayed that he wasn't shooting at Gordon. She couldn't even think of that now. There were no more shots, as Tanya's feet pounded onto the porch of the nearest wrangler's house and she hammered on the door. It was one of the men she knew, a young boy from Colorado, and he came to the door with a blanket wrapped around his middle. He thought it was probably another forest fire. Sometimes when a fire was put out, an ember smoldered for a while and then set it off again, but he saw from her face that something much worse than that had happened. He knew instantly who she was, and she grabbed his arm and tried to pull him with her.

“There's a man with a knife and a gun in the corral, some of the horses are hurt and he's got Gordon. Come quickly!”

He had no idea how she knew and he didn't ask her. He dropped the blanket and put on his pants, as she turned away while he finished dressing. He was still zipping up his pants as he came out on the porch, and pounded on the door of the cabin one door over. The lights went on, the man came out, the young man Tanya was with told him to call the sheriff and round up the others, and then he and Tanya headed for the corral at a dead run in time to see the man jump on one of the horses and gallop off toward the mountains. He was still brandishing his gun and shouting obscenities at them, but he didn't shoot at anyone. Two horses lay dead, one stabbed, the other shot, and Gordon was lying on the ground bleeding profusely. There was blood everywhere, and it was spurting from his arm. Tanya understood instantly what had happened. An artery had been cut and he was going to bleed to death in a matter of moments. She grabbed his arm and applied pressure to it, and shouted at the other wrangler to run to her cabin and get Zoe, and as she looked at him she could see Gordon fading away on her. But for a second at least the blood had slowed. She was already covered with it, and it was all over the ground, and the horses were going crazy all around her.

“Come on, baby… come on… Gordon, talk to me…” She was trying to keep him conscious while putting pressure on the artery, but she could see that he was going. “No!” she shouted at him, but she didn't have a free hand to slap his face or do anything but slow the blood down. “Gordon! Wake up!” She was shouting and crying all at once, as the others began to arrive. They were stunned, and it took a minute for them to understand what had happened. No one had heard anything and as she tried to explain and hold Gordon's arm she saw Zoe flying down the hillside in her nightgown. She was carrying her doctor's bag, and as she reached them, Tanya saw that she was wearing rubber gloves, to protect Gordon from her illness.

“Make room for me,” she said to the men, “that's it… thanks.” She knelt beside him and looked at Tanya.

“Someone slashed him with a hunting knife.” Zoe could see he had all but taken his arm off. “I think he hit an artery, it was gushing like a pulse.” She had taken first-aid years before and this much she remembered.

“Don't let go,” Zoe instructed her, and tried to check it out, but even just moving the arm a tiny bit, a geyser of blood hit them both and the ground around them. Tanya shifted the pressure again, and Zoe made a tourniquet as best she could just above her, but he was in bad shape, and in shock, and she wasn't at all sure that he'd make it. Tanya could see that too and she kept shouting his name as the other men watched in horror. Charlotte Collins had been called by then, and two of the wranglers were grieving over their lost horses. The man had been insane. The wrangler she had woken up was telling all of them what he had seen, and what seemed to have happened.

“How soon do you think the ambulance will come?” Zoe asked one of the men.

“Ten, fifteen minutes,” they answered, and she looked pained. Gordon wasn't looking good, and there wasn't much she could do here. He needed blood, oxygen, and an operating room as fast as he could get there. But just as she began to give up hope, a siren screamed through the night, and the wranglers directed it right down to where Gordon lay. He had just lost consciousness and his pulse was thready. He had lost a lot of blood, and Tanya was sobbing as she kept pressure on the wound while Zoe kept trying to reassure her. Other than the tourniquet, there was nothing she could do now, except keep track of his vital signs, and pray he made it.

She told the paramedics as much as she knew immediately and they had him on a stretcher in seconds. Zoe got in with them and someone handed her a long slicker to cover her nightgown with. It was all they had, and Tanya asked if she could go with them. The paramedics were holding his wound now, and Gordon was as white as paper.

“How about if I drive you?” a voice asked, and Tanya saw that it was Charlotte Collins. There was no disapproval in her face, only gratitude, and Tanya nodded. She let the ambulance go ahead, there hadn't been room for her anyway, and Zoe didn't want her there if he died, which she thought was likely. It was easier for Tanya to ride right behind with Charlotte Collins. Tanya told her about seeing the man earlier that day, carrying a rifle, and Gordon thinking he was harmless.

“Most of them are, some are disturbed. There was a terrible story a few years ago, some guy recently out of prison in another state murdered a whole family in their sleeping bags, but that kind of thing doesn't happen here often. Most of us don't even lock our doors at night,” she said, glancing at Tanya's obvious terror for Gordon. She wished she were in the ambulance. She couldn't believe what had happened to him. It was incredible, and it had all happened so quickly.

It felt like a thousand years getting to the hospital, and neither of them spoke again on the way. Tanya was clearly too jangled to make conversation. And Charlotte was deeply sympathetic. She knew more than Tanya thought. There was very little that happened on the ranch that escaped her notice. It wasn't what she recommended to her staff, on the contrary there were severe penalties for fraternizing with the guests, but now and then odd things happened, Life was life, and rules were something else sometimes. She just hoped that he didn't die now. The rest could be sorted out later.

When they reached the hospital, a code blue had been sent out, and they were met by a dozen staff, a gurney from the operating room, and two surgeons were already scrubbing. They asked Zoe if she wanted to come in, and she said she didn't think that she was needed. She thought she'd be more useful in the waiting room with Tanya. She had kept him alive for the ride, that was about all she could do for him. The rest was up to the emergency room staff and the surgeons.

“How is he?” Tanya asked hoarsely.

“Alive” was all Zoe could say for him at that point, but she knew she had to be honest with her. “But barely.” Charlotte shook her head in dismay at her answer, and they both held Tanya's hands as she cried and they waited. Tanya wasn't even embarrassed to have Charlotte see her cry. She didn't care what she knew now. All Tanya knew was that she loved him.

The police came after a while and questioned her. She told them what she knew and where she'd been, and Zoe worried about her. When that got out, she'd be in the tabloids again, and it wouldn't be pretty. Tanya Thomas “screwing around” at a dude ranch with the wranglers. Charlotte thought of it too and went to have a word with the officers. They nodded and left. There wasn't much they could do to suppress evidence or testimony and no one wanted them to, but nobody needed to call the papers. They were very sympathetic, and they knew Charlotte. They also promised to send the sheriff into the mountains to look for Gordon's attacker, and recover the horse he'd stolen.

John Kroner even turned up after a while. Someone had called him at home, since he was the physician for the ranch, and he sat and talked softly with Zoe. He went up to the O.R. to see what he could find out, but Gordon was still hanging in the balance. The artery had been sewn, but there had apparently been a lot of damage and blood loss. Tanya just sat there with her eyes closed after a while, and Zoe and John took a little walk down the hall together.

“She doesn't look great,” John said to Zoe once they'd walked away. “Did the guy go after her too? What was she doing at the corral at midnight?” Zoe looked at him and smiled, he was naive, but he was young, and she had come to trust him since she'd been there.

“She's in love with him.” That explained all of it, and John nodded.

It was another hour before the head surgeon came to them, and he looked so grim Tanya almost fainted when she saw him. Zoe was holding tightly to her hand, and Tanya was already crying before he said a word. He looked right at her, as though he understood the situation perfectly. He had no idea who she was and he didn't care. He could see what was happening to her and who he needed to speak to. “He's going to be all right,” he said in a single breath, and Tanya burst into sobs and clung to Zoe.

“It's okay, Tan… it's okay… he's going to make it… shhh… baby.”

“Oh, God, I thought he was dead,” she said as the others turned away discreetly and let her vent her terror. The surgeon explained to Charlotte that there had been ligaments and nerves involved, but he thought Gordon would be fine. He didn't even think he'd need additional surgery, just therapy, and a week or two of convalescence. He had lost a lot of blood, but Tanya and Zoe had both acted quickly and saved him. The doctor had decided not to give him a transfusion, and he thought that if he did well, and wasn't in too much pain, and didn't run a fever, he might even go back to the ranch the next morning. Charlotte nodded, and thanked him, and then the surgeon turned back to Tanya.

“Would you like to see him?” He smiled at her. “You and the doctor here did a fine job hanging on to him for us. Without you holding that artery, he'd never have made it. He'd have been gone in minutes.” Tanya nodded, unable to speak for a minute.

“Is he awake?” she asked, as she followed him down the hall. The others had decided to wait in the waiting room, and were talking animatedly about what had happened.

“More or less,” the doctor smiled at her, thinking what a pretty woman she was. He figured her for about thirty, and had no idea that she was Tanya Thomas. “He's a little groggy and a little drunk, but he asked for you as soon as he woke up. You're Tanny, right?” She nodded.

She followed the doctor into the recovery room and put on a gown, there were half a dozen nurses standing around, and twice as many machines from what Tanya could see, but he lifted his head and smiled at her when he saw her.

“Hi, baby,” he said, and she leaned down and kissed him.

“You scared me to death,” she said.

“Sorry… I was trying to keep him away from the horses, and he got me.”

“You're lucky he didn't kill you,” she said, still shaken by the entire evening.

“The doctor says you saved me.” A long look passed between them that no one could mistake and she kissed him again.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” he said, and then turned his head toward her and closed his eyes for a minute. She asked the doctor if she could stay, and he said she could, if she wanted. And she went out and told Zoe.

“Are you sure?” Charlotte Collins asked. “I can bring you back tomorrow.”

“I'd like to stay,” Tanya said quietly, and then she looked at Gordon's employer apologetically. “I'm sorry about what's been happening… about him… I don't mean to create trouble for him.” But there was no way to hide it now, and Charlotte nodded, smiling.

“I know. Don't worry about it. Everything's all right. Just be careful.” Like Zoe, she was concerned about Tanya. Zoe said something to her before she left, about being mobbed by the press. And Tanya told her not to worry. No one had the least idea who she was at the hospital.

The two women left, and John Kroner went home, and she went back to Gordon. He was sleeping. And they set up a small cot in the recovery room for her, and at six in the morning, they moved him to his own room and she went with him. He was awake by then, and claimed that he was fine, but he looked pretty rocky.

“I feel fine, let's go home,” he said, but he was too dizzy from the loss of blood to sit up, and Tanya shook a finger at him.

“Yeah, you look great. Lie down and be quiet.” She scolded him and he laughed. This was a golden opportunity to push him around, and he loved it.

“Just because you saved my life doesn't mean you get to tell me what to do for the rest of my life,” he said, looking peevish, but he couldn't help looking at her and grinning. “You look tired, Tan,” he said then, looking worried.

“You scared the hell out of me.” But she had one more thing to do on the way home before she could sleep. And she was disappointed, she had wanted to go on a ride with him. She had Tom coming for him, and he could lie down in the back and take it easy.

The doctor said he could leave at noon, because he had developed no complications and had no fever, and Tom came for them, as Tanya had asked. Gordon whistled from the wheelchair as he saw the bus arrive.

“Subtle, aren't we?” He grinned. “How am I going to explain this to Charlotte? Or are we totally blown out of the water?”

“I'd say she got a small clue last night, while I was clutching her arm in the waiting room, waiting to hear from the doctor. Actually,” Tanya said seriously, “she was very decent about it. I think she understood completely.”

“I hope so. Getting slashed in the middle of the night with you around wasn't exactly in my plans,” he said, still looking a little unnerved by it. But he seemed reasonably healthy, although she could tell the arm hurt. He wouldn't admit it, but he winced when he moved it. They had given him painkillers to take home, but he claimed that all he needed was a shot of whiskey.

She settled him in the back of the bus in one of the beds, and propped his arm up comfortably on pillows, and he grinned at her as she handed him a Coke, and they took off for the ranch, but after a while he glanced out the window and looked puzzled.

“I hate to tell you this, Tan, but your driver is going by way of China.”

“I thought you'd like a little scenic tour on the way back.” He didn't want to tell her he wanted a scenic tour of his bed, he was afraid to hurt her feelings, so he nodded, and kissed her.

“I just want you to know, I'm not going to let this affect our sex life,” he said, and she laughed.

“Let me tell you, about midnight last night, your sex life was the least of your problems.” Neither of them could believe what had happened.

She noticed just then that they had almost reached their destination. She glanced out the window and saw it. They had come around a bend, and were looking out over a bluff, just beneath the mountains. It was a place she had gone to with him the week before, and he recognized it as he looked out the window.

“What did you want to come back here for?” He looked amused and sat up, as he looked outside. “I love this place,” he said. He wondered if she was just being sentimental, and he leaned over and kissed her, but she was laughing.

“I hope so,” she said.

“Why?”

“Because I own it.”

“You what?” He looked completely confused by what she was saying. “You do not. This is the old Parker Ranch. I've known it for years. I brought you here last Sunday.”

“I know.” She looked extremely pleased with herself as she kissed him. “I bought it on Monday.”

“You're crazy.” He looked completely overwhelmed and for a minute she was afraid he'd be angry. “Why did you do that?” He wanted to believe all this, but he just couldn't. He had brought her to see a ranch on Sunday, and the next day, she bought it. It defied the imagination.

“You told me I should buy a ranch here.”

“So you did?” He stared at her. “Just like that?”

“The realtor said it was a great investment, and the price was fairly okay, so I figured I'd try it. I thought we'd do what you said. You can breed horses here, I can commute. You can do some stuff for Charlotte Collins. You help me run my little ranch. But we fix it up first. And well see. If we hate it, if you run off with some other rock star, if you decide to move to L. A. and give up broncos, I can always sell it. I figured we'd try it.”

“Oh, baby,” he said, and grabbed her close to him with his good arm. He knew it was for real now. No kidding. “You are amazing.”

“Will you help me do it?”

“Of course I will,” he said breathlessly, after what she'd done for him, there was nothing he wouldn't do now. She had proven herself in every way, and he knew he'd never forget it.

“I wanted to ride over here with you today, and show you.”

“I can't believe this.” He was still beaming as they pulled away and he looked at her again in amazement. “You really want to do this with me?” It was such a leap of faith for her, such a gift for both of them, it defied the imagination. He really did feel as though he'd died the night before and gone to Heaven. “How can you be so decent and so trusting?” he asked.

“Just stupid, I guess.” She smiled and took a sip of his Coke, and settled him back on his pillows. “Is there any reason that I shouldn't?”

“No, ma'am,” he said proudly, “you're going to have the best little ranch in Wyoming. When can we start fixing it up?”

“As soon as you can fly again,” she pointed to his broken wing, “it's ours next week.” It was hers of course, but she was going to share it with him. She figured she'd give it to him as a wedding present if they got married, but that was for later. She still had to get her divorce from Tony, and it wouldn't be final till Christmas. But after that… the possibilities were endless. The sky was the limit.

When they got to the ranch, and people saw the bus arrive, the whole staff was waiting outside his cabin, and they cheered as Tom helped him down the steps and into his cabin. Tanya was walking behind them. She was too afraid to hurt him if she moved his arm wrong. Everyone wanted to talk to him, tell him how glad they were that he was okay. They had brought him books and candy and food, and tapes. He had everything he needed. And now he had a woman who loved him, and the ranch he had always dreamed of. It brought tears to his eyes when he was finally alone with her again in his cabin.

“I still can't believe you. Nothing in my life has ever been like this.”

“Me too,” she said. “I love it here, and I want to be with you.”

“I'll come to L.A. too, whenever I can,” he reassured her.

“You don't have to if you don't want to.” She had learned that lesson now. She lived in a difficult world, and if he didn't want to be part of it, she wouldn't force him.

“I want to. You've seen my world, you're part of it now. I want to see your world too. We can have both, as long as we understand each other.”

“My world can be brutal,” she said sadly, “it'll hurt you terribly, even if you're careful. Nothing's sacred. I don't want them to hurt you.” But as it turned out, she couldn't stop them. The whole story was in the paper the next day, fed to the wire services, and it was on the front page of the tabloids, about how Tanya Thomas had gone to a ranch two weeks before, had an affair with a cowboy, and bought him a ranch a week later. It said how much she had supposedly paid for it, and added roughly a million dollars. And then it told the story of each of her husbands. Most of that was wrong, and all of it was ugly. The headline in the tabloids was A QUICKIE, OR HUBBY NO. 4? WHICH IS IT, TANYA? It approximated how much money he made a year, and how much she did, and it ridiculed her in every way. It cheapened him, it made her sound like a whore. It even made her look like a fool for singing the anthem at the rodeo, and they had the pictures they'd taken outside the bus there. It even told the story of how he'd been stabbed allegedly by another wrangler fighting over her in the corral. It made the knifing sound like a fight between two men vying for Tanya, and the article claimed she'd nearly been killed trying to stop them. She sat in her room at the ranch, feeling sick as she read it. The trouble was, there was always just enough truth in those stories to make people wonder. And she was worried about Gordon. What would he think of her when he read it?

“Don't read that shit,” Zoe said, furious at what they'd done to her. And then she couldn't help asking. “Did you really buy him a ranch? It's probably bullshit, but I wondered.”

“No, I bought me one. But he's going to help me. I think I've gotten smart enough not to try and drag him into my life. He's happy here. I don't want to spoil that, so I want to spend some time here.”

“That's fair,” Zoe said. “I just wondered. And Tan, I'm sorry.”

“Me too,” Tanya said miserably. “I used to wonder who talks, but I guess they all do. The cops, the press, the nurses, the ambulance drivers, the hairdressers of the world, and the tourists, the realtors, even friends sometimes. It's hopeless. Everyone supplies a tiny little piece of information and then they weave it into a knife and stab you with it, right through the heart.” She wondered how Gordon was feeling. Rotten probably. How could he not? They managed to make everything good look sleazy. She had stayed with him the night before, and cooked dinner for him, and she hadn't even left him till daylight. It wasn't much of a secret now that she was with him. And when she'd gone back to her own cabin, she'd seen the papers. The others were thinking about hiding them, but they knew there was no point. She'd find out eventually, and it was better to face it.

“I can't believe those bastards,” Mary Stuart said in fury to Hartley. He'd experienced it too, though never to that extent. And his success was different from Tanya's. Writers weren't usually devoured by tabloids, except for a few select ones. But Tanya was fair game, as far as they were concerned. And they loved to hate her.

She took the paper with her when she walked back to Gordon's cabin later that morning. The others had gone out for a last ride, and John Kroner had come over to go with them. He was riding with Zoe. Tanya was sorry not to go, but she wanted to be with Gordon. And now she wanted to talk to him about the papers. But the moment she walked in, she knew he'd seen it. There was something pained in his eyes, a kind of embarrassment, and she wondered if it was over between them. She looked at him long and hard. He was sitting on the couch, watching TV and drinking coffee. It had been on the news too, with a picture of him, and the slasher story, but she didn't know that. He couldn't believe how they could distort the truth that way. And as he looked at her, he wondered what she was feeling.

“How's the arm?” she asked, and he moved it a little bit to show her he could. But it wasn't the arm she was worried about now. It was how he felt about her after the story in the paper.

“You paid too much for the ranch,” he said matter-of-factly, and she looked at him as she sat down. He had read the story.

“How do you like making headlines?” she asked, watching his eyes. He hadn't reached out his arm to her yet, or told her he loved her. He was digesting what had happened.

“I can think of better ways to do it, like shooting a reporter. I'd like to.”

“Get used to it,” she said, with a hard edge to her voice. They had done this to her before, but never quite as viciously, or as cruelly. They had demeaned him, they had made her look ridiculous and cheap and like a slut. It was typical of what they did. Life as an object at its finest. “This is what they do all the time, Gordon. They do it constantly. They take everything you do and turn it to shit. They make you look cheap and stupid and they misconstrue everything and misquote you. There is nothing sacred. Can you live with that?”

“No,” he said simply, looking her right in the eye, and her heart stopped. “And I don't want you to either. If that's how they treat you, then I want you to stay here.”

“But they do it here too. Who do you think gave them the story? Everyone. The realtor, the nurses last night, the paramedics, the cops, the grand marshal at the Rodeo. Everyone wants to feel important, and in order to do that they sell my ass out.”

“They can't. I own it,” he said with a glimmer in his eye, and she looked at him ruefully.

“As a matter of fact you do,” she said, wishing it hadn't happened, that they hadn't been dragged through the papers, “but I want you to face the fact that everything we do or I touch is going to end up like this. If I have a baby, they're going to claim it's someone else's because I'm too old to have one, or they'll say I screwed the mailman, if we hire a cleaning woman they're going to say you're fucking her because I'm in L.A., if I buy you a present sometime, they're going to say how much it costs before I even give it to you, and then make you look like a gigolo because you accepted it in the first place. They're going to beat on us every day, in every way they can, and if we have kids, they're going to torture them too. It doesn't matter if I live here, or there, or in Venezuela, that's what my life is, and I want you to see that now, or you're going to hate me later. And even if you look at it and think it won't bother you, understand that after it has happened and happened and every dentist you go to, or dry cleaner, or hooker, God forbid, because I'd kill you,” she added, and he grinned, “but every single person you do business with, with only one or two exceptions, will sell you out and make you look like garbage. And maybe the ninety-third time it happens to you, you'll start to hate me. It's happened to me before. I know what happens. I know how it feels. It erodes your life like cancer. I've lost two husbands to it, and the third one was so corrupt he sold my ass out to the tabloids more than anyone else did.” It was her second husband, the manager, who had done that.

“Sounds like you've had a great life,” he said, she had never told him that much about it, but he suspected it was painful.

“What are you expecting, Tanny?” he asked her sadly, but he could see it in her eyes now. “Are you expecting me to leave now? If you are, you'll be disappointed. I don't scare that easy. And I know what your life is like. I see the tabloids. I know the kind of crap they write. And you're right, it feels different when they write about you. I opened the paper this morning and I wanted to kill someone. But you're not the one who did it. You're the victim, not the asshole.”

“People forget that,” she said unhappily, “and they can't take it out on them. There's nothing you can do to them. It's not even worth suing them, no matter how much they lie, you just sell their papers for them. So in the end, you'll end up hating me because they hurt you.”

“I love you,” he said clearly, as he stood up and looked at her. “I love you. I don't want this to happen to you. And yeah, I'm going to hate it when they say this stuff about me, and there's plenty to say. I'm just a dumb cowboy from Texas, they'll all think I'm after your money. They're going to say you picked me up here. So what? You're real. I'm real. It just means I can't sit on my ass in Wyoming all the time, like I thought. I'll have to spend more time in L.A. protecting you, because I'm sure as hell not going to let you take this crap without me. Maybe we'll both have to commute for a while, until you get tired of it and decide to breed horses with me.”

“I'm not giving up my career,” she said, looking worried. “Even with all this shit, I like what I do.” And she loved the singing.

“So do I. I would never ask you to give it up. And maybe it won't work living here part of the time. But I'd like you to try it. Let's see what happens. I want to be with you, here, there, wherever. I love you, Tanny. I don't give a damn about what they say about us.”

“Do you really mean that? Even after all this?” She waved the paper at him.

“Of course I mean it.” He grinned at her, and then he came over to where she sat and kissed her. “They said you lured me to bed with promises of buying me a ranch. When did I miss that part?”

“You were sleeping,” she grinned, “I whispered it to you.”

“You're an amazing woman, and I don't know how you put up with all this garbage.”

“Neither do I,” she said, leaning her head against him, as he sat down beside her and put an arm around her. “I hate them.”

“Don't waste your energy. But I'll tell you one thing. You need to be a lot more careful. No more singing at rodeos, no more floating around hospitals thinking no one knows who you are, no more just marching in and buying ranches. Let's get a little sneaky about this, okay? You can hide behind me if you want to. I don't care what they say. In my case, it's probably all true anyway. Let me take the heat for you.”

“Gordon, I love you. I thought you'd never want to see me after today.” She had been so worried as soon as she saw the paper.

“Not likely,” he grinned. “I was sitting here trying to figure out if I could talk Charlotte into a weekend off next week, so I could come to L.A. and surprise you. Maybe with the broken wing now, she'll let me go for a few days since I'll be pretty useless.”

“Would you do that if you can? I'd love it.”

“I'll try. She and I are going to have to sit down and have a serious talk next week anyway. I'd like to start working here part-time after the summer.”

“Don't forget Europe and Asia next winter. It'll be a nightmare,”

“You make it sound terrific,” he smiled. “I can hardly wait.”

“Neither can I.” She looked at him, thinking of how different her life was going to be now, with Gordon to take care of her and protect her. She wanted to be there for him too, but no one had ever treated her as he did.

“Where are we going to be at Christmas, by the way?”

“I forget… Germany… London… Paris… maybe Munich.” She couldn't remember.

“How about getting married in Munich?” he said softly as he kissed her.

“I think I want to get married in Wyoming,” she said, “looking up at the mountains where I found you.”

“We can work that out later,” he said, pulling her to her feet and into his arms, holding her with his good arm, “we have something else to work out before that,” he said, pulling her toward his bedroom. “It's time for my nap.” But she suspected he wanted to see if everything was still working. It was painful to realize this was their last day together. They spent the whole afternoon in bed, while everyone else was riding. He fell asleep in her arms, and she held him for a long time, unable to believe her good fortune. And she had almost lost him two days before. It didn't bear thinking.

Hartley was very quiet that afternoon as they rode alone, he was trying to cope with the idea of losing her, if she didn't come back to him after London.

“Don't do that to yourself,” Mary Stuart said gently when he told her what he was thinking.

“I have to. What if you don't come back? What will I do then? I just found you, and I can't imagine losing you so quickly.” He didn't say it to her, but he knew he'd write about it. It wouldn't change anything, but at least it would allow him to work out the feelings. “You can't promise me you'll be back, Mary Stuart. You don't know that.”

“That's true. But we have so many losses in life. Why taste them before they happen?”

“Because the taste is too bitter when you don't. I'll miss you so much if I lose you,” he said nostalgically, and she leaned over and kissed him.

“I'll do my best to return very quickly.” And she meant to, but he surprised her with what he said next.

“Don't even come back if you can save your marriage,” he said wistfully. “Margaret and I almost divorced once. I had an affair when we'd been married for about ten years. It was very stupid of me, and I never did it any other time. I don't know what happened, we'd been having problems, we were dealing with the fact that she couldn't have children then and it was very difficult for her. She kind of went crazy for a while, and she put a lot of distance between us. I think she blamed me, as much as herself, because she couldn't get pregnant. Whatever the reason, I did it, and she found out. We were separated for six months because of it, and I continued the affair, which was even more stupid. By then I thought I was in love with her, and it was even more complicated. She was French, and I was in Paris with her. I went to New York to tell Margaret I was going to divorce her. But when I got there, I found that everything I had always loved about her was still there, and so were all the things I didn't like as well, and all the reasons why I had cheated on her in the first place. She had all the inadequacies, the neuroses, the irrationalities that made her difficult, and all the things I adored about her as well, her honesty, her loyalty, her creativity, her wonderful sense of humor, her bright mind, her discretion, her sense of fairness. There were a million things I loved about her.” He had tears in his eyes when he said it, and so did Mary Stuart. “When I went back to New York to say good-bye to Margaret, I fell in love with her all over again.” He took a breath and looked out over the mountains. “I never went back to the woman in Paris. She knew when I left that it would happen that way. She'd said so. We had worked out a code. She said she couldn't bear long explanations, and she didn't want them. Two words would do. If I'd worked it out with Margaret to leave her, all I had to do was write, ‘Bonjour, Arielle’ in a telegram. That was a long time ago,” he smiled, “before faxes. And if Margaret and I got back together, ‘Adieu, Arielle’ would do it. She was extremely down-to-earth, and very much no-nonsense. I left for New York promising her she had nothing to worry about, and met my Delilah, she chopped off my hair, won my heart, and I never left her side again… the telegram read ‘Adieu, Arielle.’ And I never saw her again. That was what she wanted. But I never forgot her.” It was a sad story and it touched Mary Stuart. “If that happens with us, Mary Stuart,” he looked into her eyes and meant every word of it, “I want you to know that I won't regret this for a moment, and I will love you forever. I will move on, and I will recover. Arielle married a very important minister, and she became a very successful writer, but I'm sure she never forgot me. I never forgot her.” He smiled wickedly then. “Margaret never forgot her either. I never quite lived that down, but I think she forgave me. It was an awful mess for a while when it first happened. But I just want you to know I won't regret this, it's been the happiest two weeks of my life here with you.” And she had finally helped him get over losing Margaret. He was feeling much better.

“It's been the happiest two weeks of my life too,” she said. “And I won't forget you either. But I don't think I'll stay with Bill, Hartley, I really don't.” And she truly meant it.

“You never know what will happen between two people. See what happens when you talk to him. If I had left Margaret then, I would have missed sixteen more years with her, and they were great ones. Be open to whatever happens. That's the fairest thing I can tell you.”

“I shall always love you,” she said softly.

“And I you. That's what you can send me in the fax then.” He had found the code they'd been seeking. “‘ Adieu, Arielle,’ or “Bonjour, Arielle,’ to let me know what happens.”

“It'll be ‘Bonjour, Arielle,’ “she said, looking certain as they rode back to the stables with the wrangler standing in for Gordon.

And as they rode, Zoe was having coffee with John Kroner. They had become fast friends in the two weeks she'd been there. She'd gone to the hospital to see him several times, and he loved coming to the ranch to see her. He had promised to visit her in San Francisco.

“There's a patient I'll want to consult you about soon,” he was saying. “I just started him and his lover on AZT. He's HIV positive, they both are, but so far they're both asymptomatic.”

“You're doing the right thing then. You don't need me,” she smiled comfortably at him. She was sure Sam would like him too, and she was anxious to introduce them. Sam had been calling her daily, more to talk about them than her practice. And she found she liked it. “You're doing a great job with your patients,” she encouraged John again, and thanked him for his help when she wasn't feeling well. “You know,” she said philosophically, “I have so much empathy for them now,” she was referring to her patients. “I used to think I understood what it was like for them, hearing that death sentence and then waiting for it to strike them. I felt it so much for them. But I still didn't really understand it.” She looked right at him so intensely. “I never knew until it happened to me,” she touched his hand then, “you don't know what it's like, John. You can't imagine.”

“Yes, I can,” he said quietly. “I'm HIV positive too. I'm the patient I just mentioned. We both are. And when we start getting sick, I want to come to you for a consultation,” he said matter-of-factly, and she looked stunned. She didn't know why she was, but she hadn't expected it. He had AIDS, and so did his lover.

“I'm so sorry.”

“It's all right,” he said philosophically, “we're all in this together.” There were tears in Zoe's eyes when she hugged him.

They all had a quiet night that night. Hartley and Mary Stuart spent hours talking, Zoe was on the phone with Sam in her room, and Tanya was at the cabin with Gordon. They were all talking about their plans, their dreams, the things that had happened at the ranch, and how much they wanted to come back here. It had been magical for all of them. And Tanya and Gordon were talking about their plans for the ranch she had just bought. They had all but forgotten the tabloids. He had talked to Charlotte that afternoon, and he was coming to see Tanya in L.A. the following weekend. This was the beginning. And they were both excited about all of it. There was so much Tanya wanted to share with him. He wanted to walk down Sunset Boulevard, see the Pacific, meet her friends, see the studio where she rehearsed and recorded, she wanted to spend the weekend with him in Malibu, walk down the beach with him, and take him to Spago. They were going to do all of it if they could, and two weeks later, she would be flying back to Wyoming to see him.

“I wish I could go with you tomorrow,” he said sadly. “I hate to think of what you have to face alone there.”

“I wish I could stay here,” she said, and meant it. She hated to leave him, this place, and the mountains.

“You'll be back,” he said, pulling her close to him, and she closed her eyes, trying to engrave it on her memory for when she left it. She knew it would never be quite like this again. They would not be in this cabin, sealed off from the world. It would never be this simple again. They would be in their own house, and they would be part of the world after this. It would own a piece of them, and grab whatever it could take from them. Right now, they were safe here, and she loved it. And she hoped that they could re-create some of that at the ranch she had just bought in the foothills.

“I want it just like this,” she said to him, and he laughed.

“Could we have it just a tad bigger, Tanny? I stub my toe every time I get out of bed here.” He was a big man and it was a small house, but he knew what she meant, and he had lots of ideas about it. He had been gathering thoughts for years about a ranch of his own and he knew just what to do now.

They talked late into the night, and made love at dawn, just as the sun came up, and then he wrapped her in a blanket and they went outside and watched the light on the mountains. It was exquisite.

“It's going to be a beautiful day,” he said, “I wish you'd be here with me.” She could hardly bear the thought of leaving.

None of them could. They were all crying as they said good-bye at the bus. Hartley held Mary Stuart in his arms for ages. John Kroner and his friend had come to say good-bye, and they both hugged Zoe and all the others. And everyone applauded when Gordon kissed Tanya right out in the open.

And they all thanked Charlotte Collins when they left. And all three women were crying as they boarded the bus. Mary Stuart stood there forever looking at Hartley. And Tanya hung out the window and warned Gordon to stay away from broncos. He waved his hat at her for as long as he could with his good arm, and Zoe wondered if she'd ever see the place again, while Mary Stuart silently prayed that she'd see Hartley in New York after her trip to London. A thousand questions had been born at the ranch in those two weeks, but they did not yet have all the answers.

And as Tom drove the bus away, they all sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts, thinking of the people and the dreams they'd left there. They didn't talk for a long time, and they kept to themselves. Tom planned to have them in San Francisco at midnight.