What Would Mr. Darcy Do?

Chapter 4

Mrs. Bennet, after many searches, discussions, and negotiations, finally decided that the gowns available in Meryton could not possibly satisfy for a marriage to a man with five thousand a year, and to this purpose she resolved to take Jane to London to visit the dressmakers there. Elizabeth and Kitty were to accompany them; Mary owned that she had rather stay at home, as she had little interest in such frivolities.

Elizabeth was initially pleased to be taking the trip, feeling it might provide her a useful distraction from her thoughts, but after one agonizing day of making the rounds of the dressmakers, she felt she could no longer tolerate the misery of watching her mother’s excitable behavior and Kitty’s sulks, even for Jane’s sake. Hence, the following morning found her pleading a sick headache and making plans to stay at home with her aunt. Once the shopping party had departed, however, Mrs. Gardiner was pleased to notice a substantial improvement in her niece’s health and was gratified to have Elizabeth to herself, since there was a certain subject she wished to broach with her.

“Lizzy, your uncle and I were wondering recently about your Mr. Darcy—do you know how old he was when his father died?”

Elizabeth, most startled by this application, found herself stammering, “I believe it was in the vicinity of five years ago, so he must have been twenty-two or twenty-three, I would imagine. But why do you ask?”

“No reason, my dear, except to settle the question between your uncle and me, but he has the right of it, then; I had thought it was more recent. It is your uncle’s belief that much of Mr. Darcy’s seriousness stems from having been left too young with all the responsibilities of managing a large estate, as well as raising a sister at a delicate age. I argued he has more of a capacity for liveliness than he might be credited for, but perhaps needs the right companion to help him find it.”

“Aunt,” said Elizabeth in some exasperation at this hinting, “why, pray tell, were you discussing Mr. Darcy in the first place?”

“Well, naturally, he does have an obvious interest for us, and also we saw a good deal of him when he was late in London.”

“I have heard nothing of this,” said Elizabeth carefully.

“Really? I would have supposed you to have sources of information… but no matter. Mr. Darcy called on us here shortly after my return from Longbourn, and afterward was our guest on several occasions. I must say that I have been very favorably impressed by him, and he and Mr. Gardiner seem to have established a fine regard for one another. I gather Mr. Darcy solicited his advice on more than one occasion regarding some difficulties he faces in managing a particular situation at Pemberley; thus, it would seem, confirming your uncle’s opinion that his responsibilities are quite large for such a young man.”

Elizabeth had not any idea of how to interpret this intelligence. Mr. Darcy seeking out advice from her uncle in trade? “You seem to take quite a lively interest in Mr. Darcy, aunt.”

“And you do not? Come, my dear, he has made no secret to us of his hopes regarding you, unlike my sly Lizzy who will choose to keep everyone guessing! And when I hear from Jane that you have been somewhat out of spirits this last month, I must wonder what part he plays in that, as well.”

Elizabeth sought to avoid her aunt’s eyes as she pondered what she was willing to say. “I will not attempt to deny that he has been much in my thoughts, nor that I have moments when I wish he was near, but the situation is perhaps more complex than it seems at first glance. I know he does still hold me in some special regard, but he has by no means renewed his addresses, and there are certainly reasons to think he never will do so.”

“Lizzy, how can you doubt it? He is clearly violently in love with you,” said Mrs. Gardiner with a smile.

“Yes, and just as clearly, the person he detests most in the world, the man who disgusts him completely, is now my brother! I cannot believe that he would tolerate being in the same room as Wickham, much less become a relation of his!”

“I believe you seriously underestimate what he is willing to do for you, my dear.”

“If I am so incorrect, why has he made no effort to see me?” Elizabeth said, finally admitting to the worry that was often with her. “He has traveled from Pemberley to London and back twice, and has never stopped in Hertfordshire, though with Mr. Bingley at Netherfield, nothing could be easier.”

Mrs. Gardiner sighed. “Perhaps it is because he remains quite uncertain of your regard for him.”

“How could he possibly be unsure of my regard after my behavior in Lambton?” asked Elizabeth in some exasperation.

“Lizzy, my dear, your regard for him is obvious to me, but do keep in mind, you have refused him twice, which would give anyone some cause for doubt.”

“Not twice, only once, and that was long before Lambton!”

“And how would you portray your decision at Lambton? When we discovered you and strongly advocated to both of you that steps be taken to protect your honor, he was completely willing to enter into an engagement, and you categorically refused! Did you think that would have no effect on him?”

Elizabeth paled, deeply dismayed at her aunt’s view of the affair. “I was not ready, but I never meant that as a refusal… I never intended to hurt him in any way!” Tears rose to her eyes at the thought.

Mrs. Gardiner looked at her long and seriously. “My dear Lizzy, there are moments when I think that you and Mr. Darcy have a positive talent for misconstruing each other. I will speak openly to you: first, Mr. Darcy does indeed bear a significant burden of distress owing to his fear he will never win your affections, and second, if you think his dislike of Wickham is more powerful than his affection for you, then you are quite in the wrong. I do not wish to violate a confidence, but I will say that he has made it quite clear to me that he is willing to tolerate Mr. Wickham if need be for your sake.”

Elizabeth, quite sobered by her aunt’s statements, soon pleaded a return of her headache which required a retreat to her room, where she spent a great deal of time and tore up several sheets of paper before constructing a letter to suit her particular purposes.

Two days later, the post brought to Pemberley two letters, one to Mr. Darcy from Mr. Gardiner, the other to Miss Darcy from Miss Bennet. Darcy laid the first aside, and, caressing the second in his hand for some moments, decided it was time to practice some of his vaunted self-control, and rang for a footman to take it to Miss Georgiana. With a sigh, he broke the seal on Mr. Gardiner’s letter.

Dear Mr. Darcy,

I have several thoughts which may apply to the situation regarding your tenant, but first, my wife bids me to send you her greetings, and to tell you that we are presently enjoying a short visit from my sister Bennet and her daughters. I am most particularly to tell you that while Miss Jane Bennet looks every bit the joyous bride, her sister Elizabeth appears to be somewhat out of spirits, the which, Mrs. Gardiner, having had extended discourse with her, tells me seems to be regarding the absence of a certain gentleman from Derbyshire. I cannot personally attest to any of this, since the young lady in question did not appear for dinner this evening, pleading a headache.

Now, regarding your tenant, it appears to me that you are faced with one of three choices…

Darcy stared at this surprising missive for several minutes. Bless Mrs. Gardiner! he thought. He felt overtaken by a desire to saddle the nearest horse and head posthaste to London, but he cautioned himself sternly that he must not make assumptions; he knew of the Gardiners’ intentions for Elizabeth and him, and perhaps Mrs. Gardiner had taken an overoptimistic view of something Elizabeth had said.

Remember, man, you will see her for yourself in only a few weeks, he admonished himself. Patience!

His thoughts were interrupted by a gentle knocking on the door. Georgiana entered tentatively in response to his call. “Fitzwilliam? May I speak to you for a moment?” she asked.

He attempted to calm himself. “Of course. What can I do for you?”

She looked at him oddly. “Is anything the matter?” she asked.

Of course! She had just received a letter from Elizabeth, and he was showing absolutely no interest in it. No wonder she was confused.

“No, nothing at all, Georgiana. What does Miss Bennet have to say today?”

Somewhat tentatively, she held out a folded sheet of paper. “She asked me to give you this.”

He all but snatched it out of her hand. Georgiana smiled to see him returned to normal on the subject of Miss Bennet. “I will just go back to my letter, then?” she suggested timidly.

“Very tactful, dear,” he responded with a laugh as she exited.

He was pleased to see that his hands barely trembled as he opened the letter.

Dear Mr. Darcy,

I hope you will forgive the impropriety of my addressing this to you directly; it is a liberty I take out of concern for your sister on her upcoming visit to Longbourn. Sir, I regret having to raise an unpleasant matter, but, as you are perhaps aware, my youngest sister recently married and moved to the far north. While it is certain that neither she nor her husband will be in attendance in Hertfordshire during the time of Miss Darcy’s visit, it is likewise certain that her name will be raised repeatedly by members of my family, and I certainly would not wish Miss Darcy to be taken by surprise by mention of Mrs. Wickham. I defer to your greater authority as to whether it is best for you to discuss this with her in advance, or if it is something best addressed only when she arrives, in which case I will of course be prepared to handle the question in whatever way you see fit. Please consider yourself at liberty to share any information regarding my sister’s situation that you deem appropriate.

Blast Wickham! Would he never stop haunting him? This was hardly what he hoped to hear from Elizabeth. He continued:

On a happier subject, I can safely say that Mr. Bingley and my sister are so deliriously happy as to be occasionally somewhat painful to those of us whose sources of such pleasure may be at a more distant remove. I remind myself that time will heal all these ills, but patience has never been one of my stronger virtues. Perhaps I should endeavor to follow your excellent example and make a study of the strengths and limitations of self-control, instead. Perchance you would be willing to offer me a review of the subject after your arrival at Netherfield?

Affectionately yours, EB

If Mr. Gardiner’s letter had surprised him, Elizabeth’s left him in a state of astonishment. He forced himself to peruse it several times, and even after he finally convinced himself he was reading it correctly, his amazement was such that he could not bring himself immediately to believe she had truly meant the words she had written. Whether his shock was greatest from Elizabeth’s admission of missing him, her provocative flirtation, or the completely compromising adieu was impossible to determine.

As his astonishment began to fade, it was replaced by a sensation of heartfelt delight such as he had never felt before. Elizabeth wanted to see him! In his mind, he could picture her looking at him with that expression of warm welcome which she had worn so often for him in his dreams, but never in reality.

He read the letter once more, then folded it and placed it in his pocket next to a certain handkerchief. Decisively, he strode off in search of his valet, whom he informed of the immediate need to prepare for a brief trip. That accomplished, he searched out Georgiana in the music room, and informed her that business called him away for a few days.

Georgiana looked concerned for a moment, then gave a bright smile. “Please do say hello to your business for me when you see her,” she said with an innocent look.

He gave her a look of mock sternness, but was in far too high spirits to argue the point with her.

As Bingley rode up to the paddock for his daily visit, Kitty, from her post in the window seat, announced, “There is a gentleman with him, mamma. Who can it be?”

“Some acquaintance or other, my dear, I suppose; I am sure I do not know.”

“La!” replied Kitty, “It looks just like that man that used to be with him before. Mr. what’s his name. That tall, proud man.”

“Good gracious! Mr. Darcy!—and so it does I vow. Well, any friend of Mr. Bingley’s will always be welcome here to be sure; but else I must say that I hate the very sight of him.”

Jane looked at Elizabeth with surprise and concern. She knew how much her sister had been both longing for and dreading this encounter, and felt for the awkwardness that must attend Elizabeth, in seeing him for the first time since the events in Derbyshire.

The color which had been driven from Elizabeth’s face by Kitty’s announcement returned for half a minute with an additional glow, and a smile of delight added lustre to her eyes, as she thought for that space of time, that his affection and wishes must still be unshaken. But she would not be secure. There was too much that could have altered.

Her thoughts then flew to the letter she had written to him from Gracechurch Street. Would he have received it already? She frantically counted back the days since posting it, and deduced that it certainly could have arrived by this time, but of course he might well have left Pemberley before its arrival. She closed her eyes as she thought of the immodest things she had written in it—what must he be thinking of her?

“Let me first see how he behaves,” said she to herself. “It will then be early enough for expectation.” She sat intently at work, striving to be composed, and without daring to lift up her eyes as the servant was approaching the door. On the gentlemen’s appearing, she curtsied with her usual smile to Bingley, then turned to Darcy to find his serious gaze upon her. Immediately the memory of their last parting came into her mind, and an awareness of all that her family did not know; then, cognizant that she was blushing under his regard, she sat back down again to her work, with an eagerness which it did not often command. She ventured only one more glance at Darcy. He looked serious as usual; and she thought, more as he had been used to look in Hertfordshire, than as she had seen him at Pemberley. But perhaps he could not in her mother’s presence be what he was before her uncle and aunt. It was a painful, but not an improbable, conjecture.

Darcy, fortunate in finding himself rapidly dismissed by Mrs. Bennet in favor of her civilities to Mr. Bingley, took the opportunity to sit in the chair nearest Elizabeth. As so often in the past, he was silent, seeming content merely to be near her. Elizabeth herself felt far from calm, and was perturbed by her acute awareness of his proximity.

“Have you come from Pemberley, Mr. Darcy?” asked Elizabeth, carefully watching her embroidery.

“Yes, I only arrived at Netherfield late yesterday.”

“It is early yet for a hunting party.”

“I did not come to go hunting.”

Elizabeth glanced up and met his eyes. His intent gaze was on her; she had forgotten the danger of losing herself in those dark eyes. A slight smile touched the corners of his mouth, and her spirits fluttered in response. Forcibly collecting her thoughts, she said, “I am sure Mr. Bingley is most happy to have your company, especially since his visit to Pemberley earlier this summer was cut short.”

“I am very happy to be here.”

He has received the letter, she thought with agitation. Something had altered in his demeanor since they had last met, some sense, perhaps, of assurance. Aloud, she said, “I hope Miss Darcy was well when you saw her last.”

“Quite well. She greatly enjoys your correspondence,” he replied. “Your last letter was a particular favorite, I believe.”

“I… am always glad to hear from her. I hope it will allow me to know her better; she seems less shy in her letters.”

“Sometimes there are things that are easier to say in a letter than in person, I believe.”

“I suspect you are correct, sir,” she responded, her cheeks flushed.

The conversation lapsed, and they sat in silence for some minutes, listening to the cheerful discussion of wedding plans across the room.

“They seem very happy,” Darcy commented.

“Yes, I believe they are. I suspect that we may owe thanks to you for Mr. Bingley’s precipitous return to Netherfield.”

“It was long overdue,” he acknowledged.

Elizabeth wondered how anyone in the room could possibly be oblivious to the rising tension between the two of them. Her cheeks felt hot enough to make her long for a fan.

In some desperation, she said, “Mr. Darcy, would you care to view our gardens? They are particularly lovely at this time of year.”

Darcy’s smile grew deeper. “A delightful idea, Miss Bennet.”

When Elizabeth told her mother of this intention, Mrs. Bennet pulled her aside into the hallway. “An excellent plan, Lizzy,” she whispered. “That will keep him out of Mr. Bingley’s way. I hope you will not mind it too much: it is all for Jane’s sake, you know.” Her daughter could not help feeling slightly amused by this interpretation.

Elizabeth was more than relieved to be leaving the stifling confines of the crowded drawing room. Stepping outside, she closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath of the fresh air. Feeling revitalized, she favored Darcy with an unrestrained smile.

Darcy’s eyes warmed in response, and Elizabeth found her pulse quickening. As they began their progress across the lawn, Elizabeth found herself walking closer to Darcy than was strictly necessary. She was amazed that she could feel at the same time both so agitated and so content.

“Miss Bennet?”

“Yes, Mr. Darcy?” She smiled up at him.

“Would it be inappropriate for me to tell you how happy I was to receive your letter?”

Elizabeth, sensible of a certain fluttering inside her, raised an eyebrow. “I doubt it could be any more inappropriate than it was for me to write it in the first place,” she said impertinently. “Perhaps I should be grateful you were not offended.”

“Hardly, Miss Bennet. If that was offensive, please feel free to offend me at any time.”

“Are you encouraging me, sir?” she asked with mock disapproval.

“Very much so.” His gaze turned serious. “I have missed you, Elizabeth,” he said softly, speaking her name as if it were the most intimate of endearments.

Elizabeth felt an array of sharp sensations course through her. She felt unable to respond, or perhaps more truly that should she attempt to respond, she might say too much, so she limited herself to drawing closer to his side and taking his arm. Though the contact gave her a surge of pleasure, she almost immediately doubted her wisdom in initiating it; she had forgotten the power his touch had on her, and she shivered as she felt his breath in her hair.

“You are perfectly safe, Miss Bennet. We are in full view of the house,” he said, misinterpreting her reaction.

“I appreciate your reassurance, sir, but I assure you that I do not feel unsafe.”

He put his free hand lightly over hers. “I am glad to know that you recognize that I do still have some self-control where you are concerned.”

“Are we returning to the question of self-control, then, sir?” She looked up at him teasingly.

“Miss Bennet, I will happily discourse on any subject matter of your choice, but perhaps it would be wiser to focus on patience rather than self-control.”

Elizabeth felt it safest to change the subject. “I understand that you had the opportunity to see my uncle and aunt Gardiner when you were late in London.”

He gave her a questioning look. “I did indeed have the pleasure of calling on them,” he said somewhat cautiously.

“So my aunt told me when I spent several days with them last week.” She added playfully, “It would appear that you have obtained quite an advocate in Mr. Gardiner. He could not praise you enough to my father when he was in London.”

“I am honored,” said Darcy, “especially as I suspect my reputation with your family can benefit from any advocacy that is available. I assume from my reception earlier that your parents are still unaware of our… more recent encounters?”

“I assure you that you could not possibly have got away from my mother with the ease you did had she the slightest idea!”

“Nor, I expect, would I have been allowed to walk out with you alone.”

Elizabeth blushed. “Fortunately, the Gardiners have been most tactful in that regard, and settle for singing your praises at any opportunity. I have limited myself to noting that you improve upon further acquaintance,” she said playfully, glancing up at him through her lashes with a look of mock seriousness.

“I hope to have sufficient further acquaintance in which to continue to improve, then, Miss Bennet.”

“Will you be remaining at Netherfield until the wedding, Mr. Darcy?”

“No, unfortunately I can stay but two days, as I must return to Pemberley quite shortly owing to a situation there that requires my personal intervention.”

Elizabeth, startled by the depth of disappointment she felt, said, “I am surprised you would make such a long journey for such a short stay.”

“Surely, Miss Bennet, you must have known when you wrote to me, that I would not be able to stay away,” he said softly.

Elizabeth cast her eyes down in embarrassment. “No, sir, in fact I did not know that.”

“You are less than certain of me? You need not be.”

“It is difficult to be certain of anything at times such as these.”

“Elizabeth, you know what my hopes and wishes are.”

“Mr. Darcy,” she responded slowly, struggling to find the words and the courage to express herself, “while you may rest assured that I receive your words with gratitude and pleasure, please understand that there have been a great many changes in my life of late, sir, not the least of which concern you. A month ago I had every expectation of my four sisters remaining at home with me for some time; now, I face living apart from my dearest Jane for the first time, and I do not expect to see my youngest sister again beyond the briefest of visits. Many things in my family will not be the same again, and I include myself in that. That same month ago I fully expected never to see you again, sir, and certainly in no way could I have foreseen the changes that would occur in a bare three days in Lambton. I have done things I would never have imagined, and I have learned that I did not know myself so well as I had thought.” She paused, and risked a glance at Darcy.

He looked thoughtful. “And time is needed to accept these changes before facing any others?”

Elizabeth nodded silently.

“I can be patient, if I know I have reason to hope.”

She found herself longing for his touch, and fought her body’s treacherous urges. She forced herself to say, “And there is another, less pleasant matter which must be faced.”

“And that is?”

“To my regret, I am forced to call brother a man whose name you rightfully must wish never to hear again.”

Darcy stopped and turned to face her. With determination, he said slowly, “I will not attempt to conceal that I would wish never to hear of or see George Wickham again, but please understand me clearly, Miss Bennet, I will not allow him to come between you and me. I will not let him cost me what is dearest to me ever again. And if this requires that I acknowledge his existence upon occasion, so be it.”

Relief coursed through her. “I will endeavor to remember that.”

“Thank you.”

Elizabeth, feeling overwhelmed by the import of their conversation, ran her fingers through the flowers as she passed. She paused for a moment, then broke off a sprig of flowers, allowing the sweet scent to soothe her restless spirits. He raised an eyebrow. “Lavender, Mr. Darcy. It is a favorite of mine.”

“An unusual favorite—I believe most ladies would choose the rose,” Darcy said, and Elizabeth felt gratitude that he had so well understood her need to move to a more neutral issue.

“Perhaps what pleases me is different. Lavender is not so bright or showy as roses are, but it is hardier and smells as sweet.”

“If we are to be choosing flowers for their virtues, perhaps I should give you forget-me-nots.”

“Then we both favor the flowers of the springtime, for I would have to choose sweet williams for you,” she said daringly.

Their eyes caught and held. Elizabeth found her breath coming quickly. Darcy reached out a hand and touched the inside of her wrist. “Miss Bennet, I have said I can be patient if I have hope. Can you give me that?”

Blushing, she said, “I believe you already know the answer to that, Mr. Darcy.”

“Some answers need to be heard.”

Elizabeth felt dizzy. “Sir, if I were to follow only the dictates of my heart, you may rest assured that you would be satisfied.”

The power of his gaze as he gripped her hand tightly was irresistible. He reached out to touch her face, and she became achingly conscious of how little she wished to resist him. Carefully, she looked away, and taking his arm once again, directed them to begin walking again. Lightly, she said, “I would remind you, sir, that we still remain in full view of the house.”

“But it would be difficult for an observer to see in detail at this distance,” he said, allowing his lips to caress her hair lightly. Placing a finger under her chin, he tipped her face gently up until their eyes met again. “And no one will hear if you call me by my name.”

She could not resist him. Her longing was evident in her voice as she whispered, “Fitzwilliam.” His eyes blazed, and, as if hypnotized, she watched his face lowering toward hers until she could resist the pull no longer, and raised her lips to his.

Somehow Darcy found the strength to pull back after the briefest taste of the pleasure of her kiss. “Dearest, loveliest Elizabeth,” he murmured.

Because she could not stop herself, she raised a hand and touched the tips of her fingers to his cheek. The feeling of his skin seemed to burn down her arm, and her face unconsciously reflected the yearning she felt. Darcy closed his eyes against the invitation he read in her eyes, and, taking her hand from his cheek, he kissed her palm, her fingers, the soft skin inside her wrist. He heard the sharp intake of her breath, and felt the last of his control beginning to dissolve. “Elizabeth,” he said urgently, “we must not…” But even as he spoke, he was drawing her into his arms and seeking her mouth with ever-increasing urgency.

Elizabeth’s astonishment in the pleasure of his kisses paled next to the intoxicating response she experienced as she felt his body against hers, the passion of his kisses deepening from moment to moment. Realizing how close she was coming to losing herself in his arms, she somehow forced herself to pull away.

He released her immediately. Unable to bring herself to look at his face, she turned away from him, and, with feelings of the deepest mortification for her behavior, covered her eyes with her hand.

“Shall we return to the house, then?” asked Darcy, his voice slightly unsteady.

She nodded, still avoiding looking at him. As they walked, she sought desperately for some comment to make light of the situation, but her thoughts were still too full of the sensation of his kisses.

“Miss Bennet, it seems I must make a habit of apologizing to you for my behavior. I would like to assure you that I do not usually engage in this sort of conduct, though I fear you would have every reason to disbelieve me under the circumstances; however, it is true, and I regret most sincerely having offended you.”

“I thank you, sir, but I am not offended, except at my own behavior.”

“Please, do not blame yourself in any way; I am completely at fault,” Darcy responded, not without distress.

“That is most courteous of you to say, sir, but we both know that the conduct of neither of us, if strictly examined, was irreproachable.”

“If so, I am still much more at fault than you.” Tentatively, he asked, “Miss Bennet, I beg of you, if it is not too much to ask, to tell me what upsets you so much that you will not look at me?”

Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth crossed her arms in front of her and turned to regard him. In a pained voice, she asked, “What must you think of me?”

“You are concerned about what I think of you?” A relieved look lightened his face. “My dear Miss Bennet, I think of you as a virtuous young woman who I sincerely hope will be my future wife, and I count myself among the most fortunate of men that you apparently have enough feeling for me as to occasionally allow that feeling to overwhelm your sense of propriety where I am concerned. Please, you need feel no concern whatsoever on this subject.”

“It is discomfiting, to say the least, that after never having allowed a gentleman even the slightest liberties in the past, I seem to have overnight begun to behave like my sister Lydia.”

“Hardly, Miss Bennet, you have consistently applied restraint—”

Elizabeth interrupted, “Hardly consistently!”

He applied a look of mock disapproval to her before continuing, “—whereas you would have every reason to think that I would stop at nothing to take advantage of you.”

“I think not; the word ‘no’ seems to have been quite efficacious to date.” She smiled rather tentatively at him, and was relieved to find that he returned her smile. With harmony somewhat restored, she added, “But I am, perhaps, not quite ready to face my family. I think I shall sit on this bench—in extremely full view of the house—for a few minutes yet, and I would be happy to have your company, sir.”

He made a slight bow. They sat, and forcibly turned their conversation to safer topics, while Elizabeth made valiant but eventually futile attempts not to be completely distracted by the light touch of his hand against hers on the bench, a situation which to the casual observer would appear to be quite innocent, but which felt anything but that.