What Would Mr. Darcy Do?

Chapter 6

It was something of a revelation to Elizabeth to discover the extent to which she could enjoy deceiving her family. During the next two days, she sat through several harangues from Mrs. Bennet on the state of her nerves, moralistic lectures from Mary on the evils of loss of reputation, Kitty’s constant pleas for details, and Mr. Bennet’s concerned looks, to all of which she replied with a refusal to provide any further information and a smiling assurance that they had no cause for concern. When Mrs. Bennet began to threaten she would write to Mr. Gardiner and ask him to settle matters with Denny as he had with Wickham, Elizabeth could not restrain her laughter as she told her mother she was certain Mr. Gardiner would see no cause for concern in her involvement with FD. The frequent use of the word “shameless” as applied to her was further cause for her amusement.

Nonetheless, she had good intentions of confessing the truth once Miss Darcy arrived, feeling it would be quite unfair to her to expect her participation in the charade. While they were awaiting their guest, however, Mrs. Bennet announced that there would be absolutely no mention of Lizzy’s shamelessness in front of Miss Darcy, thus relieving Elizabeth of the necessity of immediate confession—and the attendant scene Miss Darcy would witness—before her guest even had the opportunity to settle in.

Miss Darcy’s arrival went smoothly; she was clearly pleased to see Elizabeth, and Mrs. Bennet’s degree of overcivility did not seem to trouble her in the least. She was amiable with Kitty and Mary, though Elizabeth, with a slightly more experienced eye, could see she was, in fact, anxious about the interchange, but attempting to battle her shyness. Mary, who had heard so much about Miss Darcy’s vaunted skill at the pianoforte that she was determined not to be outdone in civility as she was likely to be in music, insisted on taking Georgiana on the full tour of Longbourn and its grounds. Kitty, who was closest to her age, was delighted to keep her company as her trunks were unpacked, for the pleasure of remarking over each dress and bonnet as it emerged. By dinnertime they were all referring to each other by their first names. Between one sister and the other, it was near evening before Elizabeth had a chance to spend some time alone with Miss Darcy.

After they reassured one another of their delight in seeing the other, it was apparent to Elizabeth that Georgiana was still somewhat in awe of her, and very anxious to please. She attempted to put those anxieties to rest with warm inquiries about her time at Pemberley, their common acquaintances, and of course, Darcy. This led naturally to a rather timid question regarding Mr. and Mrs. Bennet’s ignorance of Darcy’s admiration of Elizabeth.

Elizabeth laughed. “Given the timing of your visit, you will very likely have the pleasure of witnessing exactly why I have allowed this state of affairs to persist. My parents, I am sorry to say, harbor some strong prejudices against your brother, and, though I have attempted to moderate their views, my success has been quite limited.”

“When I said something to your sisters about what a good brother he is, they looked quite disbelieving! I did not know what to say.”

“I am hardly surprised,” Elizabeth said with a smile.

“But what reason could they possibly have to dislike him?”

“It is in fact quite an ironic story, in hindsight. It all began when he made a slighting comment about me at a public assembly, and refused to dance with me since I did not meet his standards.”

“Oh,” cried Georgiana. “So that is why he said that you…” she trailed off in embarrassment.

“Pray, now you have aroused my curiosity, what did he say?”

Georgiana blushed. “I shouldn’t have said anything… it was a long time ago. He said that he had given you every reason to dislike him, and I couldn’t understand what he could be talking about. I couldn’t ask him about it, because that was when he was barely talking to anyone at all, and I knew I was lucky he had said as much as he did, but I always wondered what he meant.”

“When was this?”

“Oh, after he returned from visiting Aunt Catherine last spring.” The words began tumbling out of her, as if she had been barely holding them back for months. “It was so awful, Elizabeth! He was so quiet all the time, and if anyone asked him why, he would just stalk off, and he wouldn’t even see his friends most of the time. If I tried to be sympathetic, he would tell me to save my pity for someone who deserved it, and then he’d try to put a good face on it, and that was even worse. And then, after a while, he seemed to just give up, and he didn’t even get angry anymore; it was just as if he didn’t care about anything anymore.”

The pain Elizabeth felt on hearing this was as great as could be imagined. “I had no idea,” she said with tears in her eyes. “I knew he must be angry and disappointed, but I assumed he would move on quickly—after all, there seemed to be no shortage of women who would be overjoyed to receive his addresses.”

“Move on? How could you think that?” Georgiana asked. “Fitzwilliam never lets go of anyone, and he never stops caring.”

“I am not certain I understand your meaning,” Elizabeth responded cautiously.

“Haven’t you noticed? He almost never lets himself care about anyone, but once he does, he is more loyal than anyone in the world. You have seen him with Bingley—since Bingley is his dear friend, he is willing to tolerate those horrible sisters of his—I know, I shouldn’t say such things, but it’s true—when any other man would have nothing to do with them. He puts up with Aunt Catherine, when I cannot even stand to be in the same room as her. He forgives everything in those he cares about—I should know—and never blames. If he had never seen you again, he would still have been hurt ten years from now, just like with…” Georgiana stopped short, her face frozen.

“Just like what?” Elizabeth asked gently, astonished by the insights she was receiving.

“Just like with George Wickham,” Georgiana whispered, and burst into tears.

Elizabeth, feeling the greatest sympathy, moved rapidly to embrace the sobbing girl, murmuring words of comfort.

It took Georgiana several minutes to regain her composure. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I feel so awful when I think of how I hurt Fitzwilliam. I didn’t know at the time, of course, but that makes no difference.”

“My dear, please remember you are far from the only one taken in by Mr. Wickham. I myself believed his stories, and was charmed by him. All my family, indeed all of Meryton, delighted in him. You could not be expected to do more.”

“But it wasn’t so much what I did as what he did to my brother. How could anyone be so cruel?”

“What did he do to your brother?” asked Elizabeth with apprehension.

“I did not know the whole story then, because I had been too young when it happened, but afterward I started asking questions of people who knew him. Mrs. Reynolds told me most of this.” She faltered for a moment. “He and Fitzwilliam were the best of friends when they were boys. As they became older, George apparently became resentful of the differences in their expectations, and began doing and saying terrible things to Fitzwilliam, but he was loyal and would never believe George did it on purpose. He caused trouble, knowing that Fitzwilliam would always try to cover up any problems he caused, even if it meant he himself was punished. The harder my brother would try to protect him and keep his friendship, the worse things George would do. This went on for years and years, until finally something must have been too much, I don’t know what, but at some point even Fitzwilliam seemed to give up on him and started to avoid him, but even then he must have hoped that things might change in the future. The financial settlement he gave him was more than generous, I know. But then, the next time George approached him for help, Fitzwilliam refused, which had never happened before. And shortly thereafter, George tried to hurt him in the worst way he could, and he used me to do it. You would only need to have seen his face when he looked at George to see how pained he was that his old friend would do such a thing to him. But I shouldn’t be telling you all this!”

“I’m very glad you did,” Elizabeth said thoughtfully. “It helps me understand certain matters that have puzzled me in the past. Though I can only imagine how painful it was to watch Wickham deliberately hurt your brother, I must be clear with my opinion that you actually had little to do with it. If, as you say, his goal was to hurt your brother, he would simply have found another means of doing so had you been unavailable. I must say Wickham seems to show quite remarkable creativity in that regard.”

“Someday I may even come to believe that myself, but you must have patience with me.”

“Healing always does take patience, Georgiana, and healing from betrayal even more so.”

“Elizabeth, I wish you really were my sister! Please, accept Fitzwilliam soon—he needs you so much!”

“I think that you need not worry; he and I are, I believe, quite close to reaching an agreement.”

“But if your parents still dislike him so, what will they do when they find out?”

Elizabeth smiled. “Actually, I am currently engaged in a stratagem I believe will improve their outlook considerably,” she told her in a conspiratorial tone. “The truth is I am currently in deep disgrace with my family, owing to the fact they have determined that I am engaged in a liaison with a militia officer of rather uncertain morals.”

Georgiana’s eyes grew wide, clearly unsure if she was serious or in jest, but Elizabeth relieved her mind immediately. “They based this conclusion on finding in my possession a rather compromising letter signed with his initials, which happen to be FD. I have refused to comment on the matter, which is taken as a sign of guilt, but I believe that by the time they discover that FD is your brother, they will be so relieved he is not Mr. Frederick Denny all the ill will of the past will be forgotten!”

Georgiana clapped her hand over her mouth in surprise, then burst into delighted giggles. “No, you are teasing me. I cannot believe it!”

“I am afraid it is quite true—I’m sure Kitty or Mary would be happy to fill you in on the details of my supposed affair. But you should feel no need to participate in the fiction; sooner or later I will have to tell them the truth.”

“I won’t say a word!” Georgiana’s eyes gleamed. “I might even have a bit more compromising material, if you need it.” She drew out a well-sealed envelope and handed it to Elizabeth. “I was told very strictly only to give this to you when I was sure we were alone.”

With a laugh, Elizabeth assured her that Darcy would soon be accusing her of corrupting his little sister if she started participating in such conspiracies, a description which made Georgiana giggle even more.

Elizabeth made no effort to find privacy to read her letter, and even on retiring for the night, found herself merely taking it out and looking at it without opening it. She ran her fingers lightly over the Darcy seal, conscious of feeling she did not deserve to receive any recognition from him at all.

How little she really knew him! And how great, apparently, was his devotion to her. Recalling Georgiana’s description of his despair after her refusal, tears began to fall down her cheeks. She had wondered about his disappointment, but it never occurred to her she might have caused him lasting distress. How she wished she had been more temperate in her words that day at Hunsford, that she had given him a chance to explain instead of pouring out her anger at him! A vivid memory came to her of Darcy’s face when she accused him on Wickham’s behalf—what worse could she have done? She did not deserve him, she thought to herself, but she would do everything in her power to make certain she never hurt him again. Gently, she broke the seal and opened the letter.

My dearest Elizabeth,

I feel I have so much to tell you, yet when I try to set it down, I find that I am, as the poet says, “as an imperfect actor on the stage who with his fear is put beside his part,” and so am I “oe’rcharged with burden of mine own love’s might,” and have not the words to express my thoughts. You are in my mind at every moment, and whenever anything of import happens, I find myself wondering what you would say, what you would think, if you were beside me. As I walk, I notice the sights around me as if for the first time, and hope that they will please you. I know it to be selfish of me, but I feel as if you somehow belong at Pemberley—as if Pemberley itself will not be complete until you are here, yet I know myself to be the one who feels incomplete without you. I miss the sound of your voice, the look in your eyes, your laugh—and I am certain you know which memories haunt my nights.—It causes me to wonder what has happened to the Darcy of the past who would never have violated proprieties so much as to write such a line, much less have given cause for the same, and all I can know is that he vanished when you first smiled on me.—I envy Georgiana, that she will have the privilege of being in your presence, while I must remain here without you. Until we meet again, know that all my love and devotion are yours.

Fitzwilliam Darcy

She shed a few more tears over her letter, thinking how fortunate she was to have not only gained his love in the first place, but also to be given another, much undeserved chance. She took a deep, somewhat ragged breath, and knew what it was she needed to do.

Picking up a lamp, she walked downstairs to the library where she knew Mr. Bennet would, by habit, be reading late into the night. She knocked lightly on the door, and entered in response to his call.

He looked at her inquisitively over his glasses, not putting aside his book. “Yes, Lizzy?”

Taking a deep breath, she said, “Fitzwilliam Darcy.”

“What about him?”

She glanced heavenward for a moment, asking for patience. “FD. Fitzwilliam Darcy.”

Mr. Bennet carefully laid down his book and removed his glasses. “Are you attempting to suggest Mr. Darcy sent you that… love note?” he asked with a certain degree of incredulity.

Elizabeth lifted her chin. “That is indeed the case.”

“Lizzy,” he said, looking grave, “are you out of your senses, to be accepting the attentions of that man? Have not you always hated him?”

How earnestly did she then wish that her former opinions had been more reasonable, her expressions more moderate! “There was a time when I would have said so, but for some time I have felt… quite differently.”

“Or in other words, you are determined to have him. He is rich, to be sure, and you may have more fine clothes and fine carriages than Jane. But will they make you happy?”

“I would marry him if he hadn’t a penny, and, while I would prefer to marry him with your blessing, the lack of it will not stop me.”

He observed her silently for a few moments. “Well, Lizzy, I confess you have truly surprised me. I cannot think of any man of our acquaintance who I would consider a less likely candidate to win your affections.”

“Nonetheless, that is the situation.”

“I see.” He paused. “May I ask who else may be aware of this?”

“The Gardiners have known for some time, and more recently, Jane and Bingley. Miss Darcy as well, of course.”

“You told the Gardiners, and they said nothing of it to me?” he said with deceptive mildness.

“It was more a matter of their discovering it than being told,” she said, smiling slightly at the memory. “And, if I am not mistaken, Mr. Gardiner tried to say something of it to you, but you disbelieved him.”

“So I did,” he said thoughtfully. “Well, Lizzy, what would you have me do?”

She sighed in relief at this attempt to meet her halfway. “I would ask that you try to get to know him, with an open mind, remembering much of your unfortunate impression of him is based on Wickham’s lies.”

“That seems a fair enough request. What do you plan to tell your mother?”

“Nothing,” Elizabeth responded with heartfelt sentiment. “Not until I have to.”

Mr. Bennet gave an ironic smile. “Well, I shall keep this matter between the two of us until you tell me otherwise. Lizzy, you have given me a great deal to think about, and perhaps we can discuss this further when I have had the opportunity to do so.”

“I would like that,” she said, turning to leave.

“And Lizzy? I’m glad that you told me.”

Elizabeth, with a strong sense of relief, said, “So am I.”