Willing

Chapter 19

Daniel held grimly to Josie’s body, cursing the deer, the pain that had sent her into another faint and his own lousy timing on admitting his love for her. She hadn’t believed him. He was sure of it. Rejection of his words had radiated off of her even though she hadn’t said anything. Just that it wasn’t his fault. It was obvious she thought he had told her he loved her because he felt guilty.

But that wasn’t why. It was because he’d finally figured out that the feelings she brought to life in him couldn’t have any other name. Not obsession, not desire, not even friendship. Those were all part of what he felt, but none of them were dominant.

What overwhelmed him with her was this absolute knowledge that life without her would be an abyss of solitude and pain.

She brought joy into his life. She made every day better. Spending time with her was the most exciting thing he’d ever done, bar none. He wanted to be a better man with her. He wanted to prove he could live without giving in to the demon of temper, that he was capable of walking a different path in marriage than his father had taken.

If that wasn’t love, he didn’t know what was.

Now all he had to do was convince Josie. He hoped it didn’t take her as long to believe as it had taken him.

She woke one more time on the way to the hospital, and he wished she hadn’t. It was obvious she was in terrible pain, but she was soldiering on, trying to hide how bad it was. He knew anyway, and it was killing him.

Josie’s mouth tasted as if she’d swallowed sawdust, and her head swam with the effort it took to distinguish the voices whirling around her.

“She’s been out for four hours.” That was Daniel’s voice. “She should have woken up by now.”

“It was like this after the first time, too,” her father said. “It’s the anesthetic. She reacts strongly to it. Last time it took her hours longer to come to than the doctors were expecting.”

“And you didn’t think you should mention this to the doctors here before they gave her a hefty dose?”

“I did mention it, but they had to give her enough to put her under.”

“Can’t they do something to wake her up?”

“They don’t need to. Sleep is the best thing for the healing process.”

“Natural sleep maybe.”

“I’m not going to get any sleep, natural or otherwise, with you two arguing over my bed.” Her voice came out raspy and weak, but the words were distinguishable, and she was proud of herself.

A hand came softly against her face in a brief caress. Daniel. She would always know his touch. “How do you feel?”

She forced eyelids that felt glued shut to open. He was a blur while her vision focused, but she tried to meet his gaze. “Numb.”

“It’s the anesthetic.”

“My leg?”

“The bullet went through tissue and muscle. No major arteries. No major bones. You should be back to normal in six weeks or less.”

Daniel slowly came into sharper focus. He’d made an effort to wash off the black face paint, but smears remained near his temple and on one cheekbone. She wondered if she looked any better. Somehow, she doubted it.

“I’ll tell the doctor she’s come to,” her dad said before leaving the room.

“The mission?” she asked.

“Successful. Hotwire got what we needed. The prisoners and the evidence were delivered to the FBI two hours ago. They plan to move in on the compound immediately.”

“Good,” she croaked and then grimaced. “Thirsty…”

He lifted a cup, putting the straw to her lips, and she sipped at the icy water with real pleasure. When she was done, he took the cup away and settled carefully on the side of her bed away from her injured leg.

He took her hand between his, the warmth in him infusing her with comfort. “I don’t like you getting shot.”

“I’m not real thrilled about it myself.”

“I don’t want the mother of my children to work in such a dangerous profession. Too stressful on family life.”

She stared up at him. “The drugs are making me hear things. You don’t want children.”

“I didn’t before, but now I do.”

“With me?” she asked, just to make sure. She felt too loopy to trust her first interpretation of his words.

“With you.” His hands pressed against hers as if he was willing her to listen to him. “I love you, Josette. I know you think it’s the guilt talking, but I swear it’s not. I need you in my life. Permanently.”

“You mean like get married?” She had to be hallucinating.

“And have babies. Yes.” He lifted her hand to his face and pressed her palm against his lips so she could feel his words as well as hear them. “Will you marry me, Josette? I’ll spend the rest of my life proving I can be a different man than my father.”

Tears that had nothing to do with the pain she was in filled her eyes. “You already have.”

The nurse and doctor came in with her dad. She was examined, poked and prodded until she didn’t feel in the least bit numb. Daniel’s tension grew and grew until he told the doctor and nurse to leave her the hell alone. With both her dad and lover there, looking dangerous and none too pleased, the doctor and nurse listened. The doctor gave hurried instructions for her care and left. The nurse injected a pain killer into her I.V. before going.

Josie didn’t have enough energy to say thank you, but as she slipped into sleep the knowledge Daniel wanted to marry her did more to anesthetize her pain than the drugs.

The next few days flew by. Josie improved rapidly, and Daniel never left her side, going so far as to sleep on a cot in her hospital room. The staff didn’t mention in his hearing that it was against hospital policy since he wasn’t a relation, but Josie heard two of the nurses talking about it.

They also mentioned they wouldn’t mind having him sleep in their rooms. Josie changed the subject when Daniel asked why she was so cool toward the two women when they came into her room.

Her dad and the others were frequent visitors. Even Lise flew in and came to the hospital to see her. Josie had another visitor, her third day in the hospital.

A pretty woman with troubled eyes came into the room with Daniel after lunch. Clinging to her hand was a small blond boy of five or six. He was looking at Josie with eyes that broke her heart.

They stopped beside her bed.

The woman spoke first. “He needed to see that you were alive. Mr. Black Eagle assured us you wouldn’t mind us visiting, but I’ll understand if you want us to leave.”

Josie looked at the little boy and put her hand out. “I’m alive. Feel.”

He tentatively reached out and then touched her hand. His was cold, and she curled her fingers around it.

“You’re warm.”

“Yes.”

Tears started streaming down his cheeks. “Dead is cold. I know ’cuz when the men hunted, the animals they shot was cold when they brought them back.”

“I’m warm and I’m alive.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Some, but they give me medicine to help with the pain.”

“I’m sorry.” His lower lip trembled, and then the tears were audible as well as making wet tracks down his cheeks.

His mother dropped to her haunches beside him, and she hugged him to her.

He threw himself into her body, tearing his hand from Josie. “I didn’t mean it, Mommy. I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s okay, Abel.” She calmed him until the crying had diminished to a few sniffles, and then she looked at Josie over her son’s shoulder. “I know why you broke in to the compound. Most of us had no idea the men were involved in things that dangerous. We thought we were making a simpler, better life for our children, and now that life is in shambles, but I’d rather that than raise my son to kill.”

She stood up, her son held against her. “I’d never seen a person shot before. When the others talked about fighting for our way of life, it was emotional rhetoric. This is real, and Abel and I will have to live with the memory for the rest of our lives.”

“I don’t blame your son for shooting me.”

The woman’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you.”

“Abel,” Josie said.

The little boy looked at her.

“I forgive you.”

He wriggled down from his mom and came to the bedside. “Can I hug you? Mommy hugs me when I get hurted and it feels better.”

“Sure.” She went to reach down, but Daniel was there, lifting the boy to her so she wouldn’t put any stress on her wound.

He hugged her tightly around the neck, choking her, but she didn’t complain. This little one would live with more trauma from the shooting than she would.

When he let go, he looked at her anxiously. “Do you feel better?”

“Yes. Much. Thank you.”

He and his mother came to see her twice more, and each time, Josie reiterated that she was going to be okay and that she forgave Abel. He’d started smiling again, which his mother tearfully thanked her for. There would be more traumas to come with the investigation into the shooting, but both he and his mother were going to make it through.

Josie could tell. The woman was strong, and her attitudes were changing rapidly. She and Abel were just leaving when the doctor arrived on rounds.

He read her chart and then smiled. “You should be able to go home tomorrow.” He looked at Daniel. “That is provided she has someone to care for her. I’d like her to stay off that leg for another week and then only mild exercise until the torn muscle has healed.”

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t overdo it.”

He hadn’t repeated his marriage proposal in the last three days, but his behavior indicated it was on his mind.

“Good.” The doctor put the chart back in the pocket on the wall. “I’ll draw up discharge orders for tomorrow morning.”

“Can I fly?” Josie asked. “I don’t want to spend the next five and a half weeks staying in a hotel.”

“No. I’m sorry, but plane travel would put a lot of stress on the wound, and a long car trip, even with frequent stops, is out of the question for a while as well.”

She understood the doctor’s reasoning, but she couldn’t mask her disappointment. She wanted the privacy of home.

“What about a personal jet where she could lie down for most of the journey?” Daniel asked.

The doctor’s eyes widened. “I can honestly say that’s the first time I’ve been asked that question. If you can arrange such a thing, I don’t see any reason for her not to be taken home. Just make sure she has follow-up care on her wound with her local doctor.”

“Will do.”

The doctor left, and Josie smiled at Daniel. “You think Wolf will fly me back to Portland?”

“No, but he’ll fly you to my home.”

She’d love to see his house. “Do you think you’ll have a better chance of keeping me immobile on your own turf?”

He shook his head, his expression not reflecting her humor back at her. “I think I’ll have a better chance of convincing you to marry me.”

She wasn’t going to need much convincing, but his reasoning intrigued her. “Why?”

“I’m more than a soldier there, and I hope seeing my house will make you realize I can be something other than a warrior.”

“I’ve always known that.” She was going to cry again. “I thought you wanted to stick with the soldier’s life.”

“That was before I had a better one to go to.”

“Being with me is a better life?”

“Yes.”

“This isn’t about you feeling guilty because I got shot?” she asked, needing to know, hoping desperately it wasn’t.

He sat down on her bed, putting his hands on either side of her and hemming her in so the rest of the hospital ceased to exist for her. “This is about me not wanting to live the rest of my life without you.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I realized you were right about my mom. She chose to stay with Thunder.”

“Like I chose to go on a mission.”

“If I’d been physically present in either case, I would have done anything I could to prevent you being hurt.”

“I know that, but your mom chose to be with your dad, and I chose to go on the mission.”

“Will you choose to spend the rest of your life with me?”

Her heart twisted at the emotion in his voice and the warmth in his eyes. “You don’t have to give up being a soldier for me. I don’t need you to change who you are to want to spend the rest of my life with you. I only have to know you love me.”

“I do love you.”

“I love you, too, Daniel. The man you are, not a man you think you have to be to make me happy.”

“I don’t want to raise my daughters to be soldiers. I don’t want my sons to feel that’s their only alternative in life. I’ve been a mercenary for a long time, and I’m ready to give you the normal life you want.”

She cupped his face, her heart in her eyes. “Life with you will be normal for me.”

“I’ve already talked to your dad. He’s ready to shut the school down. He doesn’t want to rebuild.”

“But what will he do?” Her dad didn’t know anything but being a soldier.

“He’s going to move to his house in Nevada and get to know that woman on the plane. They’ve talked on the phone every day since we’ve been here. She knows more about you than I do. She runs a garden nursery, and your dad has developed a sudden interest in plants and how to grow them.”

It was too much to take in all at once, but the idea that her dad might have found something to live for besides training other soldiers was a nice one.

She smiled. “He’s not going to get blown up growing flowers.”

“I talked to Wolf and Hotwire. I want to do more than design high-level security alternatives. We could work together on some projects, but our businesses would be separate. They think I could make it as an architect.”

She knew that like her, he probably had enough money in savings to last a lifetime, but they’d both make lousy lounge lizards. “I know you can.”

“So, will you take a chance on me?”

“You were so against marriage, so sure you didn’t want kids and all you ever did want was to be a soldier. Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes.” He kissed her, his mouth warm and possessive on hers. “I needed that. Look, Josette, I spent most of my life afraid that underneath all the self-discipline I was a man just like my father. But then I realized that the self-discipline was what made me different.”

“But you’re nothing like your dad. Even when you had a temper, you didn’t take it out on people smaller than you.”

“You’re right, but I’d spent so much of my life being told I was the image of him, I had this belief deep down that meant more than just physical appearance.”

“But—”

He kissed her again. Quick and hard. “Shh…I know. I’m not like him, and I will never hurt you or our children. I’ve spent too many years learning to control myself, but when that little boy shot you, I knew.”

“Because you realized you loved me?”

“Because even though he had hurt the person I loved most in the world, and I was so furious I could have spit nails, I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to take my anger out on him.”

“Oh, Daniel…”

“He’s starting trauma counseling, did his mom tell you?”

“Yes.”

“Anyway, if I didn’t hit that kid, I’ll never hit one of my own.”

“According to his mom, you were really careful with him.”

“He was just a little child, doing what he thought his daddy would want him to.”

“His daddy probably did.”

Daniel shrugged. “His mom doesn’t, and she’s the one that’s going to be raising him for the next few years. His dad is one of the society’s members who is facing a long prison sentence.”

“She’s got to be hurting so much right now.”

“She married the wrong man.”

“And now she’s paying for it.”

“Like my mom did, but, Josette, I’m not the wrong man for you.”

She curled her arms around his neck and moved until her lips were brushing his. “I know that, Daniel. I’ve known that since the night you made me your woman. You were so gentle, so careful not to hurt me and to make it special. I’ve been in love with you a long time, Daniel, but that night it became irrevocable.”

“It took me forever to realize what I felt was love.”

“I wasn’t that quick on the uptake myself.”

“At least you said it.”

“So did you.”

“But I waited so long, you had a hard time believing me.”

“I believe you now.”

“I love you, Josette.” Then his lips molded hers in a kiss that sealed the words in her heart forever.

They were married four weeks later. Josie finally got to meet Daniel’s sergeant major, and she understood why her new husband respected the older man so much. Claire was her single attendant, wearing the first dress Josie had ever seen her in and her grandmother’s locket.

Hotwire had found it in a drawer in the office and brought it back to her.

Her dad brought his new wife with him. He’d married the woman he met on the plane a scant week after his return to Nevada. He’d told Josie he was too old to waste time like Daniel had. She’d laughed, unable to believe the difference in her father since he started training plants instead of soldiers.

But the difference in her own life was even more phenomenal. Daniel had asked her if she wanted to run the business side of his new venture into personal home design, and she had agreed. She was going to finish her degree remotely, and she and Daniel had decided to start a family right away.

She’d thought that staying with Daniel would mean giving up her dreams, but instead he was making each and every one of them come true. She’d given him a new name in the language of his people—Dream Maker, because Angry Warrior did not fit him any longer.