Willing

Chapter 4

Daniel met Josie halfway down her hallway, his blood pumping with combat-ready adrenaline, but he could see no threat.

Unless he counted the small, barefoot woman vibrating with rage, her green eyes shooting retribution fire at him. “I am not a demon!”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

The growl that emanated from her throat would have done a grizzly bear proud. She was royally pissed, and apparently he was the reason.

Rather than being concerned about that salient fact, it was all he could do not to drag her body against his and kiss her until he didn’t know his own name anymore. She turned him on in pretty much any mood. However, passionate anger was too close to passionate desire not to impact his hormones like a freight train running full steam ahead without a brake.

Not to mention her clothes, or lack thereof. If she normally slept in tiny T-shirts and short shorts like the pink ones she had on, he was going to expire from lust his first night in her place just thinking about it.

From the murderous expression on her pixielike face, he guessed she wasn’t on the same wavelength as he was at all.

She smacked his shoulder with her open palm. Hard. “Nor did I attempt to seduce you!”

“Uh, Josie…Are you all right?” Maybe she had a little of her dad’s paranoia. Or a bad dream?

“No, I am not all right.” She was back to shouting again, but when she went to hit him a second time, he moved to restrain her and found himself on his back with her knee in his chest and her furious face above his. “I’m mad.”

He didn’t like her getting the better of him, and he reversed their positions, his hands clamping her wrists and his bigger body pinning hers to the hardwood floor. “I noticed, but why?”

Her body felt perfect under his—tone, but soft and warm, too.

“You called me a succubus!”

“I did n—” Then he remembered. “I said clinging like a succubus.” Not that the semantics appreciably changed the meaning and he’d clearly made a mistake letting his temper control his tongue, even briefly, but a man could try.

“I wasn’t clinging at all,” she snarled.

“No. You weren’t.”

She didn’t look in the least mollified by his agreement.

“I apologized already,” he reminded her.

She glared up at him, her body tense beneath his. “That was before I knew what succubus meant. A two-word apology and instructions to just forget about it don’t cut it now.”

She twisted unexpectedly under him, and he had to maneuver his hips between her legs to keep her flat. In her current frame of mind, there was no saying what she might do, and she was capable of doing a lot. But the new position was torture to his already excited body.

His pants and her shorts were no barrier to the heat of her pressing against the hardness of him. Making love to her would be like taking a trip to the sun.

She bucked, sending his temperature spiking. “Get off me, you cretin.”

He had to keep this light. If he didn’t, he was going to lose control, and that was an unacceptable alternative. “See, that’s the second time you’ve called me that, and you don’t see me having a temper tantrum because you’ve questioned my intelligence.”

“Cretin also means vulgar, and calling me a demon intent on seducing you in your sleep falls in that category, or didn’t you realize that?” she asked far too sweetly, her gaze still as sharp as his throwing knife.

“It’s still a hurtful thing to call a person.”

She laughed, the sound far from humorous, her expression one of angry mockery. “An exploding grenade under your pillow couldn’t hurt you.”

Maybe not, but a hundred and twenty pounds of female flesh under him was doing major damage to his nerve centers. His sex ached, and it was only going to get worse if he stayed where he was. A glutton for punishment, he didn’t move.

“The point is, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She sighed, her body going limp all of a sudden, her expression turning sad. “I’m sure you didn’t. You can’t help the way you feel about me.”

“That’s true, but I’m trying. Doesn’t that count for something?”

She shrugged as much as she could with her wrists still restrained. “You can let me up now. I won’t take your head off.”

He didn’t want to. He wanted to make love right there on the hardwood floor, but what he wanted and what he got with Josie were rarely even in the same hemisphere.

Sucking in air, he rolled off her, then stood up and felt the pain of unsatisfied desire arc through him with debilitating force. Turning away from her, he bent at the waist, breathing heavily.

She touched his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine. Just give me a sec.” He hated her seeing his physical vulnerability to her, but right now even his formidable mental control was no match for his body’s urges.

He’d never been like this before. No matter how much he wanted sex, he’d never been unable to curb the desire and hide his reactions when the situation called for it.

“Did I hurt you?” She sounded bewildered.

How was he supposed to answer that? He hurt because of her, but she hadn’t done anything harmful to him. “No.”

“Then what’s the matter?”

“Nothing you need to worry about.” He breathed in deeply, willing his body to calm, forcing his mind not to dwell on the memory of what it felt like to have her under him.

Finally able to stand straight without feeling like he’d rip the seam on his fly, he turned back to face her.

Her eyes scanned him and stopped at the hard-on that had not completely gone away. “Does that happen every time you fight with a woman?”

Offended, he glared at her. “Of course not. I’d be a damn poor soldier if it did.”

“But…”

“I told you. You set me off. Not all women. Just you.”

“Set you off?”

Did she have to sound so clueless about sex? That in itself was another turn-on, and the way she was looking at him wasn’t helping.

“My dick is only going to grow if you keep watching it like that.” And then he was either going to go back to being bent over double, or he was going to bend over her.

“I’m not…I can’t…You’re wearing pants!”

He rolled his eyes. “And you don’t know the log in my jeans isn’t wadded-up cotton, right?”

She looked askance at him. “It’s not, is it?”

“For crying out loud.” He’d had enough. If he didn’t get out of there, he was going to do something they would both regret.

Josie watched Daniel slam out the front door, her heart somewhere around her toes. What had just happened?

One minute, she’d been ready to kill him with her bare hands, and the next, he was telling her she’d turned him on. And then he’d gone. She eyed the closed door with a conflagration of emotions she couldn’t begin to decipher, but chief among them was a certainty she wasn’t ready for Daniel Black Eagle to walk out of her life.

Impulsively, she rushed after him. Swinging the door open, she saw him standing beside his big black SUV. He was leaning against it with one hand, his back to her.

“Are you leaving?”

“Yes.” He didn’t bother to face her.

“For good?” It’s what she’d said she wanted, so why did she feel so rejected?

He spun around then, his stance dangerous. “I said I’d help you find the people who tried to kill your dad, and I will. I can control my sex drive enough to work with you. I’m not a needy adolescent, damn it.”

“I didn’t say you were.” This conversation was getting bizarre, but then everything had been a little crazy since she went storming out of her bedroom to tell him what she thought of him for calling her a succubus.

“I’m going for a walk.”

“Oh. The park is peaceful. There are ducks…in the pond on the other side.”

“I’ll be sure and look for them.”

“Okay.”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and fore-finger. “Do you want to go with me?”

More than anything, but considering how he felt about her, she shouldn’t inflict her company on him. “That’s okay. I’ve got some stuff to do around here.”

“Is it anything that can’t wait?”

“No.”

“Then come with me.”

“Are you sure…”

He put his hand out. “Come on, Josette. I think we could both use the exercise to clear our heads, and I want to talk to you about what I read in your dad’s journals.”

“I…um…” She waved her hand down her body, indicating the pajamas she still wore. “I’ve got to get some clothes on.”

He nodded, his expression unfathomable now. “I’ll wait.”

Daniel called himself names much worse than cretin as he waited for Josie to join him. Idiot and dumbass came to mind. What had he been thinking? His body needed a break from her temptation before his dick exploded from unrequited lust.

So, why had he invited her to join him? Was his brain even connected to his mouth?

The problem was that when he was around Josie, logic was not the overriding factor in his decision making.

It would have been logical to leave her behind, but he’d gone soft in the head when he looked at her. She’d appeared so forlorn standing there in the doorway, her bow lips turned down in a frown. How did a woman who was easily as tough as any soldier he knew contrive to look that way?

Especially after she’d made it clear she didn’t want his company. But she’d looked as if his leaving somehow hurt her, and he’d been unable to leave it at that.

Idiot was right. She was the best-trained soldier he’d ever known. She didn’t need him to take her for a walk to make her feel better. She didn’t need him at all, but he couldn’t seem to keep that straight in his mind.

When he was with Josie, he forgot she was a soldier. All he could see was the woman, a vulnerable woman he wanted to protect. Which had been the problem from the beginning.

The trip across country together should have been another routine, straightforward mission for him, but it hadn’t been. He’d spent most of the time in the car in a state of painful arousal, fighting to keep his focus on the job of looking for a tail instead of sneaking sidelong glances at the female mercenary. The nights together in small hotel rooms with one bed in case Nemesis checked on their registry had been torture plain and simple.

He’d taken a lot of cold showers and still woken up more mornings than not wet and sticky in his BVDs…and pissed. At himself and at the woman who seemed oblivious to what the sight of her pajama-clad body did to him.

He’d had wet dreams about her, for crying out loud. He hadn’t dreamt like that since his voice had completed the change from tenor to baritone.

At first, he’d thought Josie wanted him, too, and as much as he had always believed sex on the job was irredeemably stupid, he’d been desperate enough to make a pass. And been shot down, the flames singeing his temper as well as his libido.

He should have got a clue from her behavior and not even tried.

She jumped ten feet whenever he got within touching distance and avoided eye contact. When he’d kissed her, he thought she was responding with the same helpless passion he felt—until she pulled away and acted as if she thought it had all been part of the cover of pretending to be Wolf and Lise.

He’d finally gotten the message. She wasn’t interested, but his body hadn’t stopped wanting her. Hell, he even craved her company. Like now. Taking Josie with him on the walk was no hardship except to his aching sex.

He’d never craved the company of a woman outside of bed before, but he’d been disappointed to learn Josie was severing her ties with the mercenary school. Because he’d been looking forward to seeing her.

Dumbass was right.

Josie hesitated in the doorway, trying to get her heart and breathing under control. It was always like this when she got around Nitro, and the thought of him staying in her house during the mission scared the heck out of her.

One night her desire for him was going to break its leash, and she was going to end up trying to seduce him.

Which would be both hilarious and humiliating because she was worse than a virgin. She was a virgin who’d never even made it to second base with a date.

She took a deep breath and stepped outside, closing the door behind her.

Nitro had moved to the sidewalk and stood there waiting for her as if he had all the time in the world. He never looked out of place, and sometimes she envied his sense of unshakable confidence.

She wondered why he’d invited her to come along on his walk. She’d been sure he wanted to get away from her.

She moved to stand beside him. “I’m ready.”

He nodded without looking down at her and started across the street. No holding his hand out to her this time. What would it be like to hold Nitro’s hand? To walk with him and know she belonged by his side. Her mind boggled.

They crossed the street and stepped onto one of the paths surrounding the park, walking in companionable silence for once. She liked it and hesitated to so much as breathe funny to break the unusual rapport.

Nitro had no such reticence. “I read the last year of your dad’s journal and skimmed some earlier entries.”

“Already?” She’d been asleep only a few hours.

“He’s a pretty sporadic writer, so it didn’t take too long.”

“Did you find anything?”

“No.”

Disappointment weighted her insides. “Then why did he tell us to read them? You must have missed something.”

“It’s possible. He did tell you to read his journal, not me. Maybe there’s something you’ll recognize in his entries that I didn’t.”

That made sense. “There has to be.”

“Maybe.”

She frowned up at Nitro. “But he told me to read them.”

His expression would have done one of his chieftain ancestors proud. “Maybe he wanted you to get something else out of them.”

“Like what?”

“An explanation for the way he raised you.”

Tension seeped into her until the muscles between her shoulder blades ached. “What do you mean?”

“You can’t think it’s standard parenting for a father to start training his little girl in combat before she’s old enough to read.”

“I started reading when I was five.”

“And you were six when you handled your first automatic weapon.”

“It was just Dad’s way. He never let me be at risk.”

“I know that, but it wasn’t normal, Josette.”

She didn’t know why he insisted on calling her by her full name, but it felt intimate and increased the sense of connection she felt with him. Though she was sure that was not his intention.

“He was a good father to me, and he’s not crazy.”

“No, he isn’t, but he is on the paranoid side.”

“Don’t criticize my dad. He has his ways just like anybody else. I thought you wanted to be his partner.”

“I do, because I respect him, but no one is perfect, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart? She flushed to the roots of her hair. “I didn’t say he was.”

“But he’s not crazy either. Read the journals.”

“I’d planned to.”

“I mean the early ones.”

“If they don’t have a clue to finding the would-be killers, that would be invading his privacy.” Something her father had a major issue with.

“He told you to read them, Josette, and I personally believe it had nothing to do with the compound getting blown to bits.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. Our personal relationship could be sorted out anytime.”

“You’ve got to remember, your dad’s memories and thoughts were confused. The most important issue in his life was bound to take precedence.”

And Nitro was implying that issue was her. She chewed on her bottom lip in silence until they reached a fork in the path.

“Go to the left. The duck pond is this way.”

He followed without comment.

“How much of my dad’s journals did you read?”

“Enough.”

Did Nitro think she was a real weirdo now? Very few people knew of her unique upbringing, but she’d always known it made her different. She was trying to change that, but maybe she never could.

She sighed, looking out over the pond now directly in her line of vision, so she didn’t have to look at him.

“Josette, we need to talk.”

“I thought we already were.”

“I mean about us.”

“Us?” she asked faintly.

“What happened in the hall can’t happen again.”

“I can’t promise that.” He was a pretty irritating guy at times and got to her like nobody else.

She wasn’t sure she could always control her temper around him. It was strange, because before meeting Nitro, she’d never really thought she had a temper.

He said something nasty, and she flinched. She’d heard men swearing around her all her life, but nobody had Nitro’s coldly controlled tone of voice.

“Sorry,” he grumbled.

“For what?”

“Hotwire says I shouldn’t curse around you since you aren’t a soldier anymore.”

“I don’t understand. Why?”

“According to his mother, it isn’t right to swear around a woman.”

She’d heard that, but she still didn’t get the distinction of then versus now. “I was a woman when I was a soldier.” Heck, she was still a soldier…in all the ways that counted. Would that ever change?

“Too much of one.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“So, Hotwire told you to watch your mouth?”

“Yeah.”

“When did you talk to him?”

“While you were napping.”

“Oh. I would have liked to talk to him, too.”

“There was no need.” Nitro sounded awfully surly about it.

“I guess not. That’s sweet how he told you not to swear around me.” She smiled. She could just imagine how well the instruction had gone over with Nitro. “But don’t worry about it. I don’t expect you to change just for me.”

“I can be as polite as the next guy.”

She’d never noticed him wanting to. “Whatever you say.”

“I can damn well stop swearing around you if I say I will.”

She couldn’t help it; she burst out laughing. “Yes, I’m sure you damn well can…,” she wheezed out between bouts of laughter.

Taking a sideways peek up at him, she saw burnished red along his cheekbones. It made her laugh all the harder. The prospect of Nitro blushing was just too much for her funny bone.

“If you can stop imitating a hyena, we can finish our discussion,” he said with freezing cool.

After several deep breaths, she managed to stifle her mirth. “I don’t know what else there is to say. You want me to promise something impossible.”

“It would help if you’d wear looser clothes and more of them.”

How was that going to help her temper? “My clothes aren’t too tight.”

“Your jeans outline your sexy little rear perfectly, and if you’re wearing a bra under that shirt, I’ll chew boot leather for dinner.”

She gasped, shocked he’d noticed her lack of a bra. She hated wearing them, and because she was small she didn’t have to. “I’m not that big. I don’t wear one most of the time.”

“I noticed.” He sounded aggrieved.

“Oh.” Her breasts tingled at the thought of him looking close enough to notice. She knew he was observant, but he had to have really focused in on her to discern that detail.

He stopped and glared down at her. “And it doesn’t help.”

“Help what? What exactly are we talking about here?”

“Me surviving another bout of close proximity to you on a mission.”

“My lack of a bra is going to hurt you?”

“It already has.”

“What? You don’t look wounded to me.”

“That’s because you’re not looking in the right place.”

When her gaze dropped to where he was indicating, heat zoomed into her cheeks. She lifted her head to focus on his face again immediately, but the damage to her equilibrium had been done.

“I’m supposed to be walking off my sexual tension,” he growled, “but instead all I can think is getting you alone somewhere and touching your breasts, tasting them until you almost come from the stimulation and then burying myself in you so deep, my dick will finally stop hurting.”

She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You want me?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I’d say your effect on me is pretty obvious. If not, just what did you think caused my hard-on?”

“You said…”

“That you turned me on.”

Several things clicked into place. Things she probably should have taken into account already, but she was so ignorant of men. On top of her own ignorance was Nitro’s confusing behavior. He acted angry with her half the time, not like a man who wanted her.

“You mean every time you get hard around me, I turn you on?”

His expression said that should be obvious even to her. “Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Are you saying you didn’t know?”

“Men can get hard reading an ad for hot tubs in the Yellow Pages.”

“I’m not one of them. Unless I was thinking of you in a hot tub.”

Her jaw dropped, and her heart started galloping like the winning horse at the Kentucky Derby. Because he got hard around her a lot. He’d been that way on the mission with Wolf and Lise. She’d thought it was just his natural virility.

“I thought you were always like that.”

“Hard?”

“Yes.”

“Only around you.”

That couldn’t be true. “You’re always mad at me.”

“I’m always lusting after you. Can’t you tell the difference?”

“No. I thought you didn’t like me.”

“I wanted you.”

“Wolf doesn’t act like he hates Lise.”

“Lise is sleeping with him.”

“Oh.”

“Stop saying that.”

“I don’t know what else to say.”

“I don’t mean to act like I hate you,” he said through gritted teeth.

She could be pardoned for questioning his sincerity. “Really? A man can want a woman without liking her.”

“Yeah, he can, but I do like you.”

She looked down at the ground, comparing the size of his big feet to her smaller ones. “You said not other women…”

“Yeah.”

“You mean other women don’t turn you on as frequently as I do?” She could barely believe she was asking this question.

“Other women don’t turn me on at all right now.”

Her head snapped up in total shock. “You’re lying.”

He spun to face her fully, his dark skin pulled taut across his cheekbones, the muscles in his jaw locked, his eyes almost black as they fixed on her with steady intensity. The silent regard was unnerving, but she didn’t know what to say.

She could not conceive of such a thing being possible.

After several seconds of silence, he reached out and cupped her nape, his hands hot against her skin. “Have you ever known me to lie?”

“No.”

“Exaggerate?”

“No.”

“What does that tell you?”

The impossible. “You don’t want other women.”

“No.” He didn’t sound happy about it.

“You don’t want to want me.”

His brown gaze bored into her, and she could feel it inside as if he were touching her in places that had no name. “It’s hell on a man’s libido and ego, not to mention his mood, to want a woman to the exclusion of all others who doesn’t want him.”

“I do want you,” she blurted out.

His gaze narrowed. “That’s why you jump ten feet every time I touch you or come near enough to do it.”

“I don’t jump ten feet.”

“But you do move away. Fast.”

“That’s because…”

“Because why?”

“You make me feel jumpy.”

His face looked hewn from rock. “I scare you?”

“N-not exactly.”

“What exactly?”

“I get all jittery when you get close, like I’ve had too much caffeine on an empty stomach. It makes me nervous.”

“Nervous, or sexually excited?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t you?”

She couldn’t answer. It was as if his hands on her throat had drained her of the ability to speak.

“You’re not jumping now.”

She tried clearing her throat. “You’re holding me.”

“I held you once before.”

She remembered. It had taken all her willpower to treat the embrace like the cover move it was. “That was just camouflage.”

“Was it?”

Oh, man…What if it hadn’t been? “I…I thought it was.”