At Peace

Chapter Fifteen Mike Wins

I woke up, belly to the bed, one knee cocked but I kept my eyes closed, letting my senses test the bed, the room, listening for breathing, feeling for heat, hardness.

Nothing.

I opened my eyes and saw the bed beside me was empty.

Then I rolled to my back and saw the bed behind me was also empty (not Joe’s side so this wasn’t a surprise).

I stared at the ceiling and listened for noises in the bathroom.

Nothing.

Maybe I dreamed it.

I looked to the clock and it was after ten in the morning.

Late. Very late.

Then I sighed and looked at the ceiling again, all of it, the rest of last night and after we got home, tumbling into my head.

The breadsticks at Vinnie’s Pizzeria were good. The antipasto platter yummy. The pie was the best pizza I’d ever had and I’d done copious pizza tasting research so it might be the best pizza ever made. The mascarpone cheesecake was sublime (the girls had big bowls of spumoni ice cream, homemade, I’d tasted it and even with a gun to my head, I couldn’t have told you if the ice cream or cheesecake was better). And the Chianti couldn’t be beat. I’d never had better wine in my life.

This might have been why I drank the whole bottle.

Or, perhaps, it was because we were at the restaurant for hours.

The entire time we ate, and after, Vinnie, Theresa, Manny and Benny all came and went, sitting and chatting, standing and chatting. Between pizza and dessert, Vinnie came and got the girls in order to give them a tour of the kitchen while Theresa sat on their side and chatted to Joe and me. Then Vinnie came back with the girls and Theresa took them on a tour of the front of the house while Vinnie sat with us and chatted. Then we had dessert.

Then later, when most of the customers were gone (and all of my wine was gone), Theresa took me on a tour of the photos, most of which she told me she took herself. As she moved me around the restaurant, she shared stories of her kids, her brothers, sisters, Vinnie’s sister (Cal’s Mom), her aunts and uncles, Vinnie’s aunts and uncles and all her kids’ grandparents. There was love in her voice and laughter as she guided me around the room, smiling at her remaining customers, pointing at photos, sharing her life and her family through her words and her remarkable pictures.

I couldn’t help but smile and laugh with her, even when she talked about Cal who sounded like a lovable hooligan (as told by her). He also definitely sounded like a member of the family, the unit, one of her kids, not a nephew and I learned this was because, once his Mom died and his Dad lost it, Vinnie and Theresa had weekend and vacation adopted him. If he didn’t have to go to school the next day or he wasn’t in juvie, he was in Chicago at their house in the bunk bed over Vinnie Junior.

The girls joined me halfway through the photo tour, listening and appearing even more fascinated than me. Vinnie joined us at the end when we were at the front of the restaurant staring at a photo, place of honor, right when you hit the hostess station, the biggest one in the house.

It was taken at the front of the restaurant and it depicted Vinnie and a taller man, even more handsome than Vinnie (who was hot when he was younger). That man was Joe’s father, Big Joe (Vinnie told me) and he and Vinnie were standing together in the middle of the grouping. Theresa was on Vinnie’s right, Angela, Joe’s Mom, on her husband’s left. A young Joe was standing in front of her, her hand on his shoulder, her husband’s arm around Angela’s shoulders, holding her snug to his side. Vinnie Junior with his sister Carmella in front of Theresa and Vinnie, Benny, a toddler, on her hip, Manny in Theresa’s swollen belly. All of them were laughing, even the kids, even baby Benny had his head tipped back and was smiling up at his mother.

Cal was six in that photo, we knew this because Vinnie told us.

“Two days later, they found the tumor,” he said softly and I heard Kate and Keira join me in pulling in breath. “Two years after that, almost to the day that picture was taken, Angela lost her fight.”

At this news, Kate moved into me.

But my Keira, she moved into Vinnie.

He seemed startled for a second as she got close. His eyes had been staring at the picture, his mind elsewhere. Then he smiled a sad smile at Keira and slid his arm around her shoulders, his eyes coming to me.

“You never forget, cara,” he whispered, knowing my pain, I felt the tears sting my eyes and Kate pressed in closer. “But, with time, you learn you don’t want to.”

I nodded and, silent as usual, Joe moved in behind me, his arm sliding around my stomach, pulling me and Kate into his front, another something I didn’t fight because at that moment, I couldn’t.

“Thanks, Vinnie,” I whispered.

“You wanna talk, cara, have Cal give you my number,” he offered.

I nodded.

“I mean that, Vi,” he told me.

“Thank you.” I was still whispering.

“We’ll come down and visit soon, yes?” Theresa chimed in and I looked at her, instantly forgetting my lovely moment with Vinnie and feeling panic.

“Yeah, Aunt Theresa, that’d be good,” Joe replied, Theresa beamed and my stomach dropped. “Gotta get them home,” Joe finished, moving us to the door.

“I’ll get Mom’s purse,” Keira said then she started to move away, stopped, turned into Vinnie, gave him a hug around the middle with her cheek at his chest, tore free and started to run to our booth.

Vinnie’s eyes watched her go then they went to Joe and the gentle and content look in them made my stomach drop more.

“Don’t forget Mom’s shoes, Keirry!” Kate called. “They’re on the floor.”

“Gotcha,” Keira yelled back like they’d often been honored guests, family stopping for dinner at Uncle Vinnie’s pizzeria and they could yell at each other and run through the restaurant.

We waited for her to get back and all of them, sans Benny who was sorting out his kitchen after Vinnie had let loose in it again, walked us out to the car. We got big hugs from Vinnie, Manny and Theresa then the girls piled into the car.

As Joe opened his side after getting another back pounding from Vinnie, Vinnie still with him, their hands in a grip, Vinnie close and talking about something that looked serious but I couldn’t quite hear; Theresa caught my attention by catching my hand.

“Next time you’re here,” she started and my heart clenched because I knew there wasn’t going to be a next time, “when it’s a good time, a happy time, one you wanna remember, we’ll get your photo. Put you and the girls on the wall with the rest of the family.”

“Theresa –” I began, not knowing what to say and again pissed at Cal for putting me in that position at the same time confused why in the hell he would.

She squeezed my hand, cutting me off and whispering, “Bring him back to his family soon, yeah, cara mia?”

Shit.

“Yeah,” I whispered back. I mean, what could I do?

“Thank you,” she replied, kissed my cheek then stepped out of my door.

I turned to look at Joe who was staring down at his uncle. I saw, somewhat astonished, that Joe’s face was set tight. Vinnie’s face was pale and, I gawked, angry.

What was that all about?

“You get what I’m sayin’ to you?” I heard Joe ask quietly.

“I get it, son,” Vinnie’s voice was tense.

“Whatever it takes,” Joe finished, I knew this was the finish for I saw Vinnie nod once, his hand jerked Joe’s and then he clapped him on the shoulder, let his hand go and stepped away.

I thought I imagined the look on his face, his tense voice, when Vinnie looked at me and gave me a gentle smile.

“See you soon, Vi,” he called.

“Yeah,” I said again because there was nothing else to say.

I climbed in, Joe folded in, we slammed our doors and the girls and I waved at Vinnie, Theresa and Manny as Joe pulled away.

I thought, nursing my anger, there was no way I’d fall asleep.

But breadsticks, antipasto, great pizza, delicious cheesecake, a full bottle of wine and a weird and emotional day got the better of me and I passed out before we were out of Chicago.

I woke up with Joe’s hand at my knee, his mouth at my ear.

“Wake up, baby.”

My eyes fluttered open and I saw we were home and he was bent into my open door.

“The girls are out,” he went on and I turned to see this was true. “Get out, buddy,” he finished gently.

I exited the car and moved out of the way as Joe pushed the seat forward and then bent in. Seconds later, he moved out again with Keira in his arms.

“I get her to bed, you can deal with her, yeah?” Joe asked but didn’t wait for me to answer; he was striding to the door.

I fumbled with my purse, pulled out the remote, hitting the buttons then lamely hustled around him and unlocked it, pushing open the door as he walked through.

I tried not to let this affect me, Joe carrying Keira to bed, but it did, strong, hard, a sock to the gut, but a weirdly warm one and, even partly asleep and it being the middle of the night, it still pissed me off.

I hurried after them as best I could on my foot, catching up to them in Keira’s room after Joe had put Keira on her bed and Joe walked by me as I walked into her room. His eyes caught mine but he kept going and I closed the door halfway and went to my daughter who always slept like a log. I took off her shoes and struggled with her dress, so much she half-woke. Helping her, we got on her pjs and I pulled back the covers.

“Where’s Joe?” she mumbled sleepily as she settled in and I heard movement outside, footsteps, Joe and Kate.

“He’s bringing Kate in.”

Keira rolled to her side, her hands going under her cheek as she asked, mostly still asleep, “Do we have him back?”

That hit me too, a sock to the gut.

“No, baby,” I answered honestly but she didn’t hear me, she was asleep.

I pulled the covers over her, tucked them around and then bent and kissed her hair.

Then I moved out, saw Kate’s door closed and I went to it, knocking softly and going in at her call.

“Hey Mawdy,” she said, I’d caught her with her knee in the bed, she’d already changed. “Joe helped me in,” she finished as she collapsed in bed and pulled up the covers.

I moved to her and tucked them tight all around.

Then I slid her hair away from her face. “That’s good.”

“I asked him to sleep on the couch, like Mike,” she told me and I felt my body freeze then I forced it to move and I bent and kissed her hair.

“What did he say?” I asked her hair.

“He said, ‘sure, girl’,” she muttered, her lips tipping up in a drowsy smile and she cuddled deeper into her pillows.

I was going to fucking kill him.

“All right, baby, go to sleep,” I encouraged but it was a wasted effort, she was already asleep.

I turned out her light, left her room and closed her door.

Joe was dumping my purse on the kitchen counter, my pumps on the floor when I limped into the living room and then through it, right to him.

I leaned in and hissed on a whisper, “You’re not spending the night.”

He took me in for a moment then replied, “Promised Kate.”

“Then it’ll suck, you needing to break your promise, because you’re not spending the night.”

“Yeah, Vi, I am.”

“No, Joe, you’re not.”

“Baby –”

I leaned in further and demanded angrily, “Don’t call me that.”

His hand came to my neck and I was so furious, I jerked free. His hand stayed suspended in mid-air then both his hands moved quick, grasping my hips. They yanked me forward, my body slammed into his and his arms locked around me, one low at my waist, one high up my back. Caged.

“Let me go,” I ordered, pushing against his shoulders.

“We gotta talk.”

“Yeah, we do, later, when I don’t wanna rip your head off, we’ll talk. There’s a few things I wanna say to you. Now, you’re gonna go.”

“Nope.”

“Joe!”

“Shut it, buddy.”

I tried a different strategy. “The girls are both going with Dane and his parents to the lake early tomorrow. They’ll be gone by eight. That’s four hours away. I’m sure we’ll be safe for four hours.”

“I am too,” he replied and I knew what he meant.

“Joe –”

“Go to bed, Vi.”

“Joe –”

His face came close and I stopped talking.

“You can go to bed or you can stay in my arms and argue. I’ll tell you right now, baby, I’m tired and need sleep so I’m not arguin’. You stay in my arms, I’ll be forced to find creative ways to stop that mouth of yours. You want that?”

He could just not be believed!

“We’re over,” I reminded him.

“I didn’t agree to that decision,” he shot back and I felt my body turn to stone.

“What?” I whispered.

“Go to bed, Vi.”

“But, Nadia… you said –”

He cut me off, threatening, “Should I get creative?”

I clamped my mouth shut and shook my head.

Joe held me awhile, staring at my face in the dark.

Then he leaned in and kissed my neck, lifting slightly, he whispered in my ear, “Sleep.”

Then he let me go.

I instantly turned and walked (okay, limped) as calmly as I could to my room.

I was trembling as I got ready for bed, my mind too full, too active, too crazed, I didn’t even think when I pulled Joe’s tee out from under my pillow and, after I took off my suit, brushed my teeth, washed my face, I slipped it on.

Then I got into bed.

My mind so active, so crazed, I thought I’d never sleep.

But I did.

And I did it soundly.

But I woke up when I heard the muted noises of the girls moving around and I felt him there, his shoulder against my cheek, his arm curled around my waist, my thigh thrown over his.

I didn’t have a chance to react when he slid out from under me carefully then pulled the covers over me while I acted like a chicken and feigned being asleep. Nearly silent, he got dressed and left the room. But he left the door open partway and I heard the girls and Joe murmuring. Then I heard the doorbell, Dane’s murmur mingled with theirs then the door closed.

Then silence.

I kept my eyes closed, waiting, but he didn’t come back.

Somehow I fell back to sleep, telling myself that whole thing was a dream.

Now I was awake, hoping the same. But I knew he’d gotten into bed with me.

The bastard.

I stared at the ceiling wishing I hadn’t encouraged the girls to go with Dane and his parents. They’d wanted to cancel and Dane had said it was okay, even that he’d stay and not go with his brother and parents to the lake which they’d done every year since he could remember.

But a month ago, when they asked Kate to come along and to bring Keira that was all either girl could talk about. I hadn’t been able to give them a summer vacation and Dane’s parents rented a cabin for four days, Thursday through Sunday. It was all water-skiing, tubing, lying out by the lake and getting a tan, fishing and barbeques every night. An end of the summer blast. A vacation, not a long one, but it sounded like a fun one. Something, not much, but it was something and I wanted them to have as many somethings as they could get.

They didn’t want to leave me and I didn’t want them to, but I didn’t want them to miss it either. I didn’t want them to miss out on anything in life. I wanted them to live their lives while they had a chance and remember it could be a blast. Even now. Even so soon after Sam.

Especially so soon after Sam.

And Sam would want that too.

Now I realized my mistake. It was too soon, way, way too soon for me and, probably, for them.

I looked at the clock again.

They were probably already there or close. I’d call them after I had breakfast.

I got out of bed and padded to the bathroom, using it, washing my face, brushing my teeth, I padded back out and into the kitchen. There was a note by the coffeemaker. I picked it up and read it.

Hi Mawdy,

We left. We didn’t wake you. Joe said to let you sleep. Call us, you need anything. Love you to pieces.

xoxoxoxox Kate

PS: Coffee’s made, just flip the switch.

PPSS: Joe made it.

I gritted my teeth.

Fucking Joe.

Under that:

Hey Momalicious,

I’ll keep my phone with me, even on the boat.

Love you.

xxooxxooxxoo Keirry

PS: Joe gave us each a hundred dollars! Isn’t that cool?

PPSS: Don’t forget to go get Mooch.

Fucking, fucking Joe!

He was buying Keira which would work in a flash and the bastard knew it.

I pulled in breath and, instead of screaming, I sighed, dropped the note and flipped the switch on the coffeemaker.

Bobbie had given me until Monday off paid which was nice. Being hourly, she didn’t have to do that.

However she had also talked to me a couple of weeks ago about making me a manager. That salary would mean I’d get paid regularly what I got paid overtime which would be good, having that kind of money steady. But it also came with a load of responsibility which meant I’d still be working the overtime and have a bunch of headaches to go with it.

But she was through, she told me. She’d opened the garden center thirty years ago and she was plum tuckered out, (her words).

“Gotta take a break and you’re the only one I ever hired I can trust with the place. So, now’s my time. If you take the promotion, I get to have my time,” she said and, I had to admit, since I liked her despite her being ornery (or because of it), I wanted her to have that time. Not to mention the steady pay.

But she still hadn’t hired anyone to replace my part-time work. So if I became the manager, that meant I had to get trained to do what Bobbie did, none of which I knew how to do, and also find someone else and train them. Not to mention, there was a reason Bobbie didn’t trust anyone else who worked there. Most of them were good but it was just a job, they weren’t like me, what they did was not something they loved. The others who worked there, they were pains in the asses, even for me and the rest of the crew, and I didn’t have to supervise them and I didn’t relish the idea of doing it.

And on top of that, Mrs. Cousin’s yard that I’d redesigned and planted had gone over great. Mrs. Cousin loved it so much she showed it off and told all her friends all about me. Now I had two of her friends and her neighbor who all wanted me to work in their gardens, planting fall flowers and setting it up with bulbs for spring then coming back and sorting it out for the summer. Mrs. Cousin wanted me back too.

This meant I was working forty-five to fifty hour weeks and I had a shitload of other work. Money was coming in which was good and it didn’t feel like work which was also good. But I could feel burnout coming. I knew it.

And, on top of that, what was next for me?

I thought through this as I slid the lever to turn the flow of coffee off and got myself a cup then slid the lever back to let the rest of the coffee fill.

Mike was ready to take it to the next level. I knew it. I fucked that up, I’d lose him. I knew that too. He might be a nice guy but he also wasn’t one you messed about and I didn’t want to be the type of woman who messed a man about. He was going to lose patience and I sensed that was soon.

And, Sam was gone. Gone. There was nothing to be close for anymore, not even four hours away close.

And Daniel Hart was out there. He’d murdered my husband and my brother and he thought, even doing that, he could toy with me. He’d do it still, I knew it. I just didn’t know what I’d do when he did. My choices were to unravel or go berserk, hunt him down and shoot him in the head. Neither were good for my girls (or for me, for that matter).

Joe was a wildcard and an infuriating one. I had no idea what was happening there but I knew what wasn’t going to happen. I also knew I needed to let him in on my feelings about that and I needed to do it soon.

At that thought, I took a sip of coffee, looked out the window toward his house and stared.

There was a dumpster in his front drive and a man was walking from the house to the dumpster carrying Joe’s old carpet, rolled up and tossed over his shoulder. He got to the dumpster, did a hitch with his body and the carpet went into the dumpster, creating a cloud of dust.

What on earth?

I was so enthralled by watching this, I jumped as my phone rang and then I reached out to it, not taking my eyes from the window as I watched the man walk back into Joe’s house.

“Hello?”

“Vi, honey?”

My eyes dropped to the sink.

“Bea,” I whispered.

Tim’s Mom.

“Oh honey,” Bea whispered back and I put my coffee cup down and clutched the sink.

She heard my breath hitch.

“Oh honey,” she whispered again then I sucked in another breath, this time without the hitch and she went on. “We wanted to go, Dad and me, but I couldn’t face her. Dad said that Sam’d understand, knowin’ how it was, but I felt so bad and I wanted to see you and the girls.”

I understood this. My mother had been hideous to Bea and Dad, what I called Tim’s father Gary because he refused to respond to me calling him anything else. My Mom had been so hideous I remembered it like it was yesterday.

When it was all going down, when I found out I was pregnant and we had that awful family meeting where Bea and Gary were trying to talk my Dad and Mom into understanding and finding ways to help us out, my mother had been ice cold and downright ugly. Mom honed right in on Bea’s frailties and the things Mom said, the way Bea was, Bea felt small, insignificant, worthless and she did because Mom wanted her too. Mom was such a bitch she was almost gleeful, making Bea feel that way.

Right in the middle of it, Gary had grabbed Bea’s hand, pulled her off my parents’ couch, tipped his head at Tim who’d grabbed my hand, we all walked out and that was the last I saw of them for three years. They didn’t come to my wedding. They didn’t come to the hospital when Kate and Keira were born. They only came at Sam’s urging to Kate’s birthday party and that, too, had not been pretty (so we didn’t see them again for another two years).

Bea had never forgotten. She was sensitive but it was also that bad.

“I understand,” I told her.

“I figured you’d be… you’d… everyone would want a piece of you. I wanted to wait until later so we could spend some time. Dad and I, we’re gonna come down, stay the weekend, is that okay?”

My heart leapt then sank.

“Oh Bea, the girls are at the lake. I wanted them to have something fun and normal.”

“Next weekend then,” she said instantly.

I nodded. “Yes, I’d like that and the girls’ll love it.”

“Good,” she replied softly then she hesitated and said, too casually, “Pam called.”

Oh shit!

My head came up and my eyes saw the man walking out with more carpet.

“Bea –” I started.

She cut me off. “Says his name is Joe.”

“Oh Bea, it isn’t –”

“She liked him.”

Fuck!

My mouth got tight, so tight I stayed silent. Then again, I didn’t know what to say.

Bea went on. “Said he’s real good with the girls, sweet to you. Big man, she said, a man you don’t mess with.”

“Bea, let me –”

Her whisper interrupted me. “I’m glad, honey.” I closed my eyes and she continued. “Dad and me, we’ve been worried, you down there all alone. We know you wouldn’t tell us, worry us, if it was still happening. What Pam said about this Joe, well, me and Dad, we’re both glad.”

I didn’t speak because what could I say?

“Will we meet him when we’re there?”

No they would not.

“He’s out of town a lot,” I told her, hoping he would be and willing to buy him a ticket to Timbuktu, drug him and put him on a plane if he wasn’t.

“How does he look after you and the girls if he’s out of town?” she asked, her voice rising a bit, she was getting scared.

“There’s a guy across the street, a cop, a lot like Tim, good man. They take turns looking out for us,” I assured her.

“That’s good,” she replied, her voice settling.

The man with the carpet had disappeared into Joe’s house but I saw an SUV on the street, I focused on it and my breath caught in my throat.

Mike.

“Bea, I think I have to go,” I said into the phone, not wanting to, wanting to talk to her. I hadn’t had a good talk with my mother-in-law in ages and now, with Sam dying, it was the kind of time she was at her best. She might be timid and sensitive, but she was a great mother-in-law, a better Mom, a stellar Grandma and a good friend.

“That’s okay,” she told me. “We’ll make a reservation in that hotel by the highway.”

“You can stay here, have Kate’s bed,” I told her as I watched Mike pull into my drive. “She’ll bunk with Keira.”

“Oh, we couldn’t.”

“You did when you were here before.”

She was silent while I watched Mike get out of his car, his eyes on my house and then I felt that sock in my gut when I saw he was angry, very, very angry.

Then Bea said silently in my ear, “That was before Joe.”

I blinked, unable to keep track of Mike, Mike being inexplicably angry, Joe’s carpet removal, Joe’s truck in his drive and Bea.

“What?” I asked.

“He might not like –”

“You’re stayin’ here.”

“We’ll wait to meet Joe.”

“It isn’t like that.”

“That’s not what Pam says.”

“But –”

Mike was walking to the front door and my heart was skipping a beat.

“I’ll make him my chocolate cream pie, win him over,” Bea decided.

Yeah, like chocolate cream pie could win Joe over. My cupcakes, pancakes and risotto hadn’t made a dent in his armor. Bea’s chocolate cream pie was the bomb but Joe Callahan was unwinnable.

“Bea –”

My doorbell rang and it sounded loud, louder than it ever sounded, too loud and I jumped.

“You’ve gotta go,” Bea told me.

“I –”

“See you soon, honey.”

I was walking to the door as I said, “Bea –”

“Give my babies squeezes.”

I sighed then I hit the alarm code in the panel by the door.

“Give Dad a squeeze.”

“Of course, honey. Bye.”

“Bye.”

I hit the button on the phone for off, unlocked the door and opened it to face my next drama.

And drama it was, for I’d forgotten I was wearing Joe’s shirt.

This was bad, I knew it because Mike’s eyes went from top to toe and his face went from angry to enraged.

“Mike –”

He cut me off too, by putting his hand in my belly, pushing me into the house, keeping his hand there even after he stepped in and closed the door.

Then he dropped his hand and stared down at me.

“Mike –”

I cut myself off when his hand came up, palm out and facing me and I waited. He dropped his hand, looked away and a muscle in his jaw jerked.

Then he looked back at me.

“Been patient,” he said softly, I opened my mouth to speak, he shook his head and I closed my mouth. “Please tell me, while you been draggin’ me along, you didn’t start fuckin’ him again.”

“I wasn’t dragging you along,” I whispered.

“Yeah, sweetheart, you were.”

I always liked it when he called me sweetheart but the way he did it then, I didn’t like.

“No, Mike, I wasn’t.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’ve been honest with you.”

“You fuckin’ him again?” he asked.

“Absolutely not,” I answered.

“Why you wearin’ his shirt?”

I considered lying, telling him it was Tim’s but Mike and I weren’t about that and, I pulled this through, I didn’t want to do it by making us about that.

“It’s comfortable.” At least this was true.

“He take you to the funeral?” Mike asked and how he knew that I didn’t know.

I nodded. “Only because Kate asked him to.”

“You wouldn’t let me do it, but you let him?”

“Mike, Kate asked him to.”

“And I asked you to let me do it.”

“Honestly,” I whispered, beginning to lose it, beginning to wonder why I cared, beginning to wonder why I fucking got out of bed at the same time throwing the phone on the couch. “I don’t have the energy for this.”

“I know life’s shit for you now, Violet, but serious to God, this shit is fucked.”

“What shit?” I asked.

“You bein’ with me but him takin’ you to the funeral and him leavin’ your house the morning after.”

“How do you know this?” I asked.

“Tina Blackstone stopped by the Station, felt the boys needed donuts, even though the bitch has never done that before in her fuckin’ life. Brought three dozen of them from Hilligoss, stayed while the boys ate, ran her mouth, enjoyed doin’ it.”

That bitch!

I stared at Mike a minute, allowing my blood pressure to drop.

Then, deciding to deal with Tina later, I affirmed, “He spent the night.”

“But he didn’t fuck you?”

“No, Mike,” I told him, losing patience, it was slipping away and it was doing it fast, “he didn’t fuck me. Kate’s attached to him, she asked him to spend the night. She’s feelin’ a bit unsafe, seein’ as her father and uncle have been murdered by the man who’s stalking me. So we got home in the middle of the night and she wanted him to stay. He did. This morning he made sure the girls got off safe with Dane and his folks and he left. I didn’t even get out of bed. I didn’t even say good-bye to my babies.”

My voice was choked when I finished speaking and Mike’s face changed, the anger ebbed out, gentleness swept in and he took a step forward.

I took two back and he stopped.

“Sweetheart,” he murmured.

That’s how I liked him to call me “sweetheart”.

But I shook my head and I told him, “It’s over.”

He blinked, slow, then asked, “What?”

“I’m sellin’ the house. The girls and me are movin’ to Arizona.”

“Honey.”

I was still shaking my head. “He’ll fuck with me, Mike. He killed Tim, he killed Sam and, still, he’ll fuck with me.”

Mike moved forward, I moved back but he came at me faster and caught me in his arms. I forgot why I was retreating, put my hands to his chest and dropped my forehead between them.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered. “You, Joe, Bea, Mel, Mom bein’ a bitch, buryin’ Sam, Vinnie, Theresa, Manny, Benny, Daniel Hart, it’s all too much. I can’t do this anymore.”

Mike was quiet, he just held me in his arms as I fought back the tears.

When I won and did it on a sigh, he spoke. “Darlin’, I don’t even know who half those people are.”

The way he said it, I laughed, turned my head and pressed my cheek to his chest.

Then I wrapped my arms around his waist and his arms got tighter.

“I was a dick,” he said into my hair, “comin’ in here, givin’ you that shit.”

I let him off the hook. “You weren’t. You were just a man.”

“Well, yeah, I am that.”

I pressed my cheek closer and gave him a squeeze. “Yeah.”

“Girls aren’t here, want you with me tonight.”

I closed my eyes and didn’t lift my head, nor loosen my arms when I said with all seriousness, “Mike, I wasn’t joking. I need to let you go.”

I felt his body grow still when he asked, “Why?”

I tipped my head back then and said, “In case you hadn’t noticed, men in my life end up with bullets in their heads.”

“Sweetheart –”

“And I’m entirely fucked up.”

“Vi.”

I took an arm from his waist, placed my hand against his cheek and whispered, “And you deserve better than that.”

“How ‘bout you let me make that decision?” he whispered back.

“Mike, I repeat, I’m entirely fucked up.”

“Sweetheart, I already know that,” he grinned, “and, fuck me, but I kinda like it.”

“Mike –”

“It’s cute.”

Finally, I gave him the truth. “And there’s somethin’ I need to work out with Joe and I don’t want you feelin’ on a string while I work it out.”

His arms spasmed and that muscle leapt again in his jaw.

“What?” he whispered.

My hand at his cheek slid to his neck and I said, “Not that, not what you’re thinking. But we gotta get something clear and, I know Joe, that’ll take some doing.”

“Violet.”

“I got four days, the girls are gone, I got four days to do it. Can you give me that?”

“No.”

“Mike –”

“Vi, you’re in my bed tonight.”

“Mike, listen to –”

His arms gave me a shut up squeeze so I did and he said, “No, Vi, you listen to me. You work it out with him. Talk. I don’t give a fuck what it’s about, don’t wanna know. You come to my house tonight and you come prepared to spend the night.”

Yep, he was getting impatient, staking his claim.

“Mike, I don’t think –”

“And don’t fuckin’ bring one of his shirts. You sleep in tees, you wear one of mine.”

“But –”

“And you take it home too.”

Shit and damn. Joe was home a few days and my brother was fucking dead, I’d been semi-adopted by an Italian family in Chicago, my girls were back under his spell and I was back in this unholy mess.

“I’m not ready for that.”

“Yeah, you are and I am and he can have your days, you need to work shit out with him, but, while the girls are gone, I have your nights.”

“What if we –”

“I want you safe. I wanna know you’re safe and the only way I’ll know that is you in my bed. He and Colt can keep watch durin’ the day but I’m tellin’ you, Vi, I get the nights.”

“Mike –”

He didn’t let me finish again, this time he kissed me. Not his straight-to-fiery kiss, this one was a stealth one, light and sweet, building the fire.

I ended it with my arms wrapped around his neck.

“Six o’clock, sweetheart,” he whispered, “come on in, the door’ll be open.”

“Okay,” I whispered back, because I was a total, complete idiot.

Then, just like Mike, he gave it to me honest.

“You don’t get this, Vi, so I’ll tell you. I’m fallin’ for you.” I closed my eyes. Mike kissed them in turn and I opened them again. “I know you don’t need that, sweetheart, but then again, you need it all the same.”

This didn’t make sense but it totally did.

I gave it back to him, just as honest.

“Mike, you deserve the best and I’m not sure that’s me.”

He just grinned, gave me a squeeze, kissed my forehead and repeated, “Six o’clock, door’ll be open.”

Then he let me go, turned and left.

I stared at the door.

Then I walked to it and armed the alarm.

Then I went to my cold cup of coffee, nuked it and stood in my kitchen, staring out my kitchen window, watching three men now carrying out to the dumpster what seemed to be Joe’s entire freaking kitchen and while I did this I drank my coffee.

After I had a shower, I spritzed with my perfume, put on light makeup, my Lucky jeans and a blouse I always liked. The cotton looked almost tie-dyed, all in deep shades of grape, the split at the neckline was embroidered with green, lilac, lavender and blue flowers and there were braided strings hanging down from the top sides of the split, their weight holding it open. It fit loose but had an elastic waistband and elastic at the cap sleeves. It was kinda Heidi and kinda rock ‘n’ roll. I loved it, it made me feel good and I needed that in a big, honking way.

Then I picked up my phone, scrolled down to “Joe’s cell” and hit go.

He picked up on ring two.

“Yo.”

“It’s Violet. We need to talk. Come over.”

“Buddy, I’m in the middle of something.”

“You come over here or I come over there and we do it in front of all the boys who’re demolishing your house.”

He was silent then he sighed and said, “Give me ten.”

“You got ten then I’m headin’ over.”

“All right, baby, cool it. I said I’d be over.”

“Right,” I said into the phone then slid it shut.

I had ten minutes and I knew what I’d do with them.

I limped out the front door, walked across my yard, cautiously jumped the split rail fence that separated the front of Tina and my yards then walked right up to her door and pounded on it.

She made me do this awhile then opened it, her face a smirk, she knew this was coming and she wanted it, the bitch.

“Hey Violet.”

I didn’t greet her, I said, “I hear you spread my business around again, we got problems.”

She put her hand to her chest and said with totally fake innocence, “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“Donuts for our boys in blue, tellin’ Mike shit you have no idea what you’re talkin’ about, that’s what I’m talkin’ about,” I unnecessarily reminded her.

The fake innocence melted away and her eyes narrowed. “Know you walked out Cal’s backdoor wearin’ his shirt. Know you’re stringin’ along a good man like Mike. Know that’s fucked.”

“You’re standin’ there throwin’ stones when you regularly screw a married man,” I fired back, watched her sneer even as she flinched and continued. “You don’t know shit, Tina, but even if you did, it isn’t your business so keep your mouth shut.”

“You gonna make me?” she asked, like we were eight and having a verbal tussle at recess during grade school.

“Yeah,” I answered, not in the mood to be mature. “I got way too much fucked up crap happening in my life, I don’t need to deal with you.”

She leaned back and sneered, “What can you do to me?”

I decided to steal Joe’s line. “Don’t know, but you force it, I’ll get creative.”

“Bring it on,” she snapped.

I shrugged and replied, “You got it.”

Then I turned and limped away to see Joe standing in my yard, feet planted, arms crossed on his chest, his eyes aimed beyond me to Tina’s house.

“What was that?” he asked when I’d jumped the fence again and got close.

“Nothin’,” I replied, limped passed him to my front door and I stepped through.

Joe followed me and closed the door.

“Vi, what was that?” he repeated.

“You and me, we’re over,” I announced again.

He crossed his arms on his chest, stared down at me and I forgot how scary he could look. He’d never done the arm crossing thing and that was super scary.

“I asked twice and I’ll do it one last time, what the fuck was that with Tina?”

I noticed he ignored my announcement so I decided to answer him so we could get to what I wanted to get straight, something that Joe wouldn’t let me do if he was stuck on Tina.

“She saw you drive us away yesterday, she saw you leave the house this morning. She decided to bring donuts to the Station and, while spreading her sugar cheer, share all that shit with the guys, Mike bein’ one of them.”

Joe’s face got hard and far scarier and he turned his head in the direction of Tina’s house to look at my wall.

“Mike and I are good, we’re solid, she’s tryin’ to shake that up and I told her I’m not havin’ that,” I finished, bringing that subject to a close.

Joe’s hard face swung back to me.

“You and Haines are solid?” he asked.

“Yes, which reminds me, you agree or not, we’re over.”

He shook his head.

I stared then asked, “Why are you shakin’ your head?”

“Because we’re not over.”

“We are.”

“We’re not and you’re not seeing him again,” he declared.

My mouth dropped open.

Then I asked, “What?”

“You need to tell him it’s done.”

I felt my eyes get wide and I repeated, “What?”

“Do it today, he’s a good man, you need to cut him loose.”

I felt my body grow slowly solid but I leaned forward a bit while this was happening and asked, yet again, “What?”

“You’re mine, the girls are mine. I’m stakin’ my claim with you right now and, you force it, I’ll do it with him too.”

Did he…

Did he…

Did he just say I was his and the girls were his?

Did he just say he was staking his claim?

Straight out?

“Are you crazy?” I breathed.

“Nope.”

That was when I lost it. It’d been building all day so it wasn’t really a surprise.

“You have got to be fuckin’ kidding me!” I shouted.

“Nope,” he repeated calmly.

I took a step toward him and snapped, “You fucked someone else while you were fucking me.”

“I lied, never fucked Nadia,” he replied, still cool as could be.

I sucked in breath at the same time my torso swung back.

“What?”

“I lied, buddy.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does!” I shouted.

“The whole time I was with you, I wasn’t with anyone else. Didn’t even think about it.”

I shook my head, taking a step back then two, his words pummeling me into retreat.

Then I stopped and rallied. “This doesn’t matter, I don’t care. We’re over. I’m not goin’ back there again.”

“You’re already back.”

I stopped shaking my head and glared at him. “I am not.”

“Buddy, you are. You never fuckin’ left.”

“How d’you figure that?” I asked sarcastically.

“You sleep in my shirt,” he answered.

Oh fuck. Why was I such an idiot?

“It’s comfortable,” I snapped.

“And Kate told me, when Mike spent the night, he did it on the couch,” Joe went on.

“He did that because he’s being cool around the girls.”

“I walked out of your room this morning Vi, and neither of them fuckin’ blinked.”

I took those steps back forward again (and then some), getting right into his space and stated, “Yeah, we need to talk about that too.”

“Don’t feed me some shit about you not wanting it. You were awake when I got up this mornin’, you didn’t give me shit, you didn’t say a fuckin’ word, so don’t try and bullshit me.”

How did he know that? He was such a pain in the ass!

“I didn’t want a scene in front of the girls.”

“You wanted me to come back.”

Yes, a total pain in the ass.

“I did not!” I yelled.

Then he moved fast and I retreated just as fast but hit wall and he came in close, his hands at the wall by my head, fencing me in.

“Step back,” I hissed.

“You’re mine, Vi.” he said and the way he said it, I focused on his face.

Very scary. Sinister. And definitely serious.

Joe Callahan was not a man to be fucked with, this I knew and if I didn’t his voice and his face right then would have proved it.

“You let him touch you, it’ll piss me off,” he threatened.

“Mike and I are together,” I whispered.

“Don’t play that game with me or with him.”

“Step back,” I repeated.

“I’m warnin’ you, buddy, don’t play that game.”

I shook my head and pleaded, “Joe, please, step back. I do not need this shit.”

“Then don’t force it.”

“May I remind you, my brother just died!” I cried.

“Yeah, you lose this attitude, I can help you work that hurt out.”

Who was this man? He held onto his tragedy for seventeen fucking years, how could he stand there and tell me he could help me work through mine?

“Really, Joe? Like you helped me work out my grief at losing Tim?” I asked sarcastically.

“That’s not what I was offerin’, buddy, but you want it like that I’ll give it to you.”

“You’re unbelievable,” I snapped.

“I’m yours.”

That socked me in the gut too, so hard it winded me and all I could do was stare up at him.

Taking advantage, his face dipped close and his hands curled around both sides of my head.

“First fuckin’ time you smiled at me in my bed, that’s when it happened,” he murmured.

“Joe –”

“You’re under my skin.”

“Please –”

“I’m under yours.”

I shook my head and his face got even closer, all I could see were his sky blue eyes, all I could feel were his lips a breath away from mine.

“I like you there, buddy, and you like me there too. Cut Mike loose.”

“You can’t belong to anyone. You’re Joe Callahan, a one-woman man. The only one you ever belonged to was Bonnie and she’s still got hold of you and always will no matter how fucked up, crazy sad that was.”

His hands tightened on my head and he said, “Don’t listen to ‘burg lore. It’s shit.”

“You held onto it for seventeen years,” I pointed out.

“She killed my son,” he replied and my heart lurched.

“I know,” I whispered and my hands went to his waist, wanting to touch him, needing it, after he said those words, and doing it because I was crazy insane.

“You help me let that go, baby, I help you with Sam.”

I shook my head but my hands clenched his tee at his sides. “I can’t go back there again with you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know when you’ll turn.”

“Buddy –”

“You’ve done it to me twice.”

“Vi –”

“And you’ve done it to the girls once.”

I watched him close his eyes, knowing I’d scored a point and not feeling the least bit happy about it. But something was happening here and for me, and my girls, I had to do right this time.

So I pushed the knife in deeper. “Me, okay Joe, but not my girls.”

He opened his eyes and locked them with mine.

“You feel it, I know you do. You know it isn’t done.”

“It has to be.”

“It isn’t. It won’t ever be.”

“It is, Joe.”

He didn’t respond, just stared into my eyes.

Then his mouth moved until it was touching mine.

Just with that touch, not even a kiss, my body went soft, my hands quit clenching his shirt and slid around to his back and a whimper glided out of my throat.

“Tell yourself that, baby. But, look at you,” he murmured, his voice gentle not gloating, our eyes still locked, “you’re mine.”

Then his mouth went away but he bent his head, let mine go, kissed my neck and he walked away, out the door and I watched him through the window as he sauntered along my front walk to his house.

I stood there, pressed to the wall for a long time. It took awhile but I realized I was breathing heavily.

Then I slid down the wall, knees to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my calves and hugged myself tight.

Then I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and I called my girls.

They told me they were there, in the cabin, unpacked and Dane and his Dad had the boat in the water. The cabin was way cool and the lake was phenomenal. They were getting ready to go out on the boat and they sounded happy and excited.

I’d made the right decision, making them go. They had other things to think about, good things.

Sam would be glad.

When I was done talking, I slid my phone closed.

That’s what I needed, exactly what I needed.

It wouldn’t last long but it was something.

I got up off the floor and went to go get Mooch.

I sat wearing Mike’s t-shirt in Mike’s big bed, my ass to the mattress, my shoulders to the headboard, a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream melting in my hand.

Mike was stretched out beside me, on his side, head in hand, elbow in the pillow, eyes on me, wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else (he had a nice chest, unbelievable abs, the whole show leaner than Joe’s, not as bulky, not scarred, but still amazing).

Layla was lying flat out on her side at the end of the bed, Mooch curled in her chest. Both of them were passed out due to the fact that they’d spent the last four hours pretty much destroying Mike’s yard.

My cell was glued to my ear and Dane Gordon was whispering to me through it.

“She’d be mad, Miz Winters, me tellin’ you this.”

“That’s okay, Dane, I won’t tell her you called.”

“Will you do it? Tomorrow morning? Let them both off the hook?”

“Yeah, Dane, I’ll call.”

“We’ll come back Saturday, so we’ll have another day and they won’t feel they’ll be screwin’ up my vacation with my folks and Katy’ll let me stay home so I can be around… um, for her, you know…”

Shit, but I liked this kid.

“Tell your folks I’ll keep you fed. You want…” Damn, was I gonna do this? Yes, I was gonna do it. “You can tell them I’m lettin’ you sleep on the couch.”

Mike made a choking noise that sounded like swallowed laughter.

I glared at him.

“Yeah?” Dane asked in my ear, cut up because Kate was cut up about her uncle, not wanting to be far from his girl and the couch was as close as I wanted him to get.

“Yeah, Dane.”

“Okay,” he said and he sounded relieved. “Gotta go, thanks Miz Winters.”

“Yeah. Bye Dane.”

“Later.”

I slid my phone closed and Mike slid it out of my hand and threw it on his nightstand then he turned back to me.

“Sweetheart, you are the biggest fuckin’ pushover I’ve ever seen.”

I slid my ass down his bed, pulling his shirt down as I did it so as not to expose my panties and begged him, “Please, shoot me.”

“It’s a six thousand dollar bed, darlin’, I don’t want a bullet hole in it.”

I glared at him again then I threw my arm over my eyes.

He pulled the ice cream out of my hand, I felt him turn in the bed then he came back and pulled me into his arms.

I shifted so my hands were on his chest and I looked up at him.

“Talk to me,” he ordered quietly.

“Well,” I pressed closer, “Dane says that Kate and Keira are havin’ loads of fun but it’s all an act. He says they’re sad, just coverin’ it up. He says they want to be home, they’re talkin’ about me all the time. But he reckons they aren’t askin’ to go home because they think I want them to say. And he says I should call, say I want them to come home and that’ll let them off the hook. But if I give them another day there, they do their duty to Dane and his folks but also get to come home to me. Dane drove down too so they’d have an extra car if the kids wanted to go out and do something so he can drive them back.”

“Good kid,” Mike muttered.

“Yeah,” I grinned at him, “Kate didn’t inherit much from me but she got my taste in men.”

Mike burst out laughing and rolled into me, his face going in my neck where he kissed me then his head came up.

“Kate’s exactly like you.”

I blinked at him. “What?”

“Kate. She’s you. Totally.”

“She looks like Tim.”

“Yeah, but she acts like you, walks like you, smiles like you. Keira has your smile too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, honey. They’re gorgeous but when they smile…” he let that hang and he grinned at me.

I moved my hand from his chest to his face and whispered, “Mike.”

He turned his head and kissed my palm. Then he dipped his head, touched his mouth to mine and my arms wrapped around him.

“I like bein’ here, with you,” I said against his mouth.

His head came up and his eyes caught mine.

“I like it too, sweetheart.”

Then for some reason killing a great mood, I blurted, “I didn’t get things sorted with Joe today.”

His brows drew together and he asked, “You didn’t talk to him?”

“I did, he kind of… didn’t listen.”

Mike rolled away to his back but I kept hold of him and went with him as he muttered, “Fuck, Vi.”

I got up on an elbow and looked down at him. “You can step back, honey, while I sort this out with him.”

His eyes locked on mine. “You want me to do that?”

I did, to be fair to him.

And I didn’t, to be totally selfish.

“Yes, to be fair to you,” I said and felt his body tense. “No, to be totally selfish,” I finished, voicing my thoughts aloud then I said, “but I know now where Joe’s at and if I wasn’t me, but your friend, I’d advise you to step back.”

“I gotta worry about this shit?”

“No.”

He studied my face then he said, “You sure?”

“No.”

He looked at the ceiling. I dropped down and pressed my forehead to his chest.

After awhile, I felt his hand slide into my hair.

“This a ‘may the best man win’ situation, sweetheart?”

“I’m not a prize, Mike,” I told his chest.

“Yeah you are, Vi, the best fuckin’ prize there is.”

My head came up and I looked at him. “We’re talkin’ hearts, here. You don’t play games with hearts.”

He got up on his elbows but didn’t break eye contact as he declared, “You’re wrong. Only games worth playin’ are games of the heart.”

“Someone loses,” I whispered and he grinned, did an ab curl and his arms wrapped around me.

He rolled me to my back, covered me with his body and put his mouth to mine before he whispered, “Tonight, I win.”

Then he kissed me.

Then he set about winning me.

At least for the night.

And he did.