Colters' Gift

CHAPTER 11

ON the drive home, Lauren stared out the window as dusk settled over the mountains. She’d enjoyed herself. She always did. Any time she was feeling down, she could count on a visit with the Colters to pick her up.

They made her believe that things would get better. They always did.

But one thought that had passed through her mind, sitting in Holly’s kitchen, haunted her.

She’d wished for a happily ever after with Noah and Liam, right here in these mountains, surrounded by her family and the people she loved.

How realistic was that?

The stark truth was that it wasn’t at all realistic. Noah’s and Liam’s lives were in New York. Their business was in New York. And when they had ascertained that there was no longer a threat to her, whether they remained in a relationship with her or not, they’d move on to another job, guarding other people. Providing personal security. In New York City.

The mere thought of being in the same city as Joel Knight, no matter how huge the city was or how unlikely it was that they’d ever cross paths, sent her into complete panic.

What if he knew, even now, what she’d done? She hadn’t been that careful. She didn’t know enough about computers to know if what she’d done could be discovered. He might have known that she’d been through his files the moment she disappeared.

As much as she’d tried not to focus on him, as much as she’d tried to shove him from her mind and move on with her life, how did she know that he wasn’t looking for her?

She’d made a big deal to the other women that she’d wanted to protect Max and Noah and Liam, and that was true, but she also feared coming into contact with him again in case he knew what she’d stolen.

It was laughable that she’d even done such a stupid thing. Especially when she had no plans to do anything with the information she’d copied from his computer. At the time, in her fragile mind, it had been an insurance policy. So that if he did ever come after her, she could threaten him.

Which made her the biggest idiot in the world. Threaten a man like Joel Knight? He could squash her like a bug and never blink an eye. She was nobody. Certainly not someone strong enough to stand up to him and back him into a corner.

She’d vowed to herself that she’d stop beating herself up over her past mistakes, but it was hard sometimes when she thought back on just how brainwashed she’d been; and then when she’d finally been gutsy enough to get out, she’d all but ensured that if he discovered what she’d taken, he’d never simply let her go and forget about her.

It was something she needed to confide in Noah and Liam. She knew she needed to tell them, but the words simply wouldn’t come. Maybe they were right in that she didn’t fully trust them yet. Maybe in time she’d feel at ease with confessing her stupidity. She just knew that right now wasn’t the time. She had to be more sure of them—of her and them.

“You’re quiet, baby,” Liam said from the backseat.

She started, suddenly aware of just how zoned out she’d been, immersed deeply in her thoughts and recriminations.

Noah reached over from the driver’s seat to take her hand, and he laced their fingers together.

“Everything okay?” Noah asked. “Did you enjoy your visit?”

Lauren smiled. No question there. “I love the Colters. Being with them always makes me happy.”

“I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect,” Liam said. “It sounds pretty incredible when someone explains the kind of relationship the Colter men have with their wives. But then when you see them together, you don’t even question it. It’s so obvious they belong together and that it works for them.”

He broke off for a long moment, and then he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the edges of Lauren’s and Noah’s seats.

“I want that for us, Lauren. That sense of rightness. The closeness. I want for people to look at us and say the same things we say about the Colters.”

Lauren turned as much in her seat as the seat belt allowed. Noah was focused on the road, but it was apparent that he was tuned in completely to the conversation.

She sighed, allowing her earlier unhappiness to escape. It was impossible to keep her mouth from turning down.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Liam asked, concern in his voice. “Are you having second thoughts? Did someone say anything to you today to change your mind?”

She slowly shook her head. “No. Holly was extremely supportive. I didn’t talk to Callie or Lily about you. Not for any other reason than this is still new and I’m not one to air my private life to everyone.”

“Then what’s made you unhappy?” Noah asked. “You’ve been in another world ever since we left, and it’s obvious you have something on your mind you’re not telling us about.”

She glanced nervously between them, not because she feared a physical response. She feared the confirmation of her realization and the bursting of her created fantasy. The intrusion of reality was not always welcome. The problem was, she’d lived outside the realm of reality for too long.

Denial didn’t change the outcome of anything.

“I was sitting at the bar with the other women, and we were all talking and I was reminded, as I always am, how much I love the Colters. And then I was struck by the thought of how wonderful it would be to live here . . . with you . . . to be with both of you and be so close to my family.”

She sucked in another breath while Liam and Noah both waited expectantly for her to continue.

“And as we drove away, I realized how impossible that is. Your lives are in New York. I realize you have feelings for me that go above and beyond me being a job to you, but once whatever threat is determined and eliminated, you’ll go on to another job. In New York. And whatever relationship we attempt would also have to be in New York. I realized how afraid I still am to be in the same city, no matter how vast, that Joel’s in. This has become home to me, and I hate the thought of having to leave it.”

There, she’d said it. She held her breath, not wanting to hear what they would say. She hated having reality intrude when things were new and exciting and hope had sprung.

“I don’t know that we’ve even given that a thought,” Noah said honestly.

“It’s certainly something we would need to discuss and work out between us,” Liam said in a careful tone. “My primary focus was you. And somehow getting you to accept what we proposed. Beyond that hurdle, I’ve given little thought to anything else, except to realize that we have to take it as it comes, one day at a time.”

She nodded her understanding, but the issue was still there, like a giant roadblock, and it was one she didn’t see a way around.

She couldn’t expect them to sacrifice everything they’d worked to achieve for her. What did she have to offer them here anyway? She was a waitress. In a diner. She made barely enough to pay her rent and get by on. And there wasn’t a high demand for personal protection in Clyde.

For that matter what could she offer them in New York? She’d quit her job at Joel’s demand. He’d wanted her available to him at all times and he wanted nothing to interfere in his schedule.

Stupidly—God, she used that word a lot to describe her actions—she’d thought it romantic that he’d wanted her to quit so he could take care of her. She’d been too naïve to realize it was the first step in putting her squarely under his complete control.

A year without work didn’t do wonders for the resume. When asked by employers to explain the gap in employment, what could she say? Oh, I was a naïve twit who quit my job to allow a man to take over my life, but hey, I’ve got my crap together now so you should feel absolutely comfortable in giving me a job.

Yeah. Not happening.

Her degree was useless in Clyde. There was about as much need for someone with marketing experience as there was for personal protection.

“Lauren?” Liam called softly.

She turned in the direction of his voice and met the vivid blue of his gaze.

“We’ll work it out, okay?”

She nodded again, not trusting herself to speak.

Noah pulled her hand onto his lap, almost as if he were sending her the message that he wasn’t letting go and he wasn’t giving up.

Maybe she was being too fatalistic. It wasn’t as if their only two choices were Clyde or New York. While she’d grown very attached to where she lived and to the Colters, there was nothing to say that she couldn’t be happy somewhere else.

She hadn’t planned to live here forever before, had she?

Or maybe that’s precisely what she’d planned. To spend the rest of her life hiding, never really living. Just existing.

Noah and Liam were giving her the opportunity to live a full, rich life filled with love. They wanted to make her happy, had sworn to do everything in their power to make her happy.

Maybe they could even live out of the city and they could commute. She doubted they’d ever travel in the same circles that Joel did. They’d probably never encounter him in their lifetime.

You have the power to put him away.

The insidious whisper stole through her mind.

With the information she’d copied from Joel’s computer, she had the power to make Joel a nonissue for a very long time. But in order to do that, she had to have courage she didn’t currently possess.

And more importantly, she’d have to be willing to face Joel Knight again.