Colters' Gift

CHAPTER 15

NOAH stared down in horror—and shock—as Lauren curled herself into a protective ball and huddled as far away from him as she could on the bed.

Her back was to the wall. It was a practiced move. It gutted him that this was something she’d obviously had to do before.

He honest to God wanted to puke.

Liam started forward but Noah put his hand out. When Liam turned to glare at him, Noah shook his head.

“I did this,” Noah said in a low voice he doubted Lauren even heard.

“Goddamn it, Noah,” Liam bit out. “You heard what he did to her that last time. He put her on her belly so she couldn’t fight him off, and then he held her down and raped her. She told us she hated that position. What were you thinking?”

Noah closed his eyes. He understood Liam’s anger. Noah was furious with himself. But this wasn’t the time to hash it out with his friend. Not when Lauren was in a protective ball because she was afraid of being hurt.

He held up his finger to Liam and shook his head once more. Then he crawled onto the bed, his gut in knots.

He hesitated, his hand hovering over her shoulder, afraid to touch her. He couldn’t bear for her to flinch away. The idea that she was expecting pain and humiliation instead of the pleasure he’d so wanted to give her made him sick to his soul.

“Lauren,” he whispered. “Honey, look at me please. I’m not going to hurt you. I’d never hurt you.”

Gingerly, he let his hand rest on her shoulder. She tensed but she didn’t flinch away or recoil. Her hair completely hid what little of her face that would have been visible, and he pushed it back, trying anything to calm her panic.

Liam sat on the bed and scooted until he was opposite Noah. His hand shook when he lifted it to Lauren’s dark head. He rested it on the back of her head and let it glide down to her nape.

“Lauren?” Noah prompted again. “Will you please look at me?”

Gradually, she lifted her head from her knees. Liam smoothed her hair back with both hands. He pulled it away from her face and made gentle, repetitive motions as if he were forming a ponytail, but Noah knew he was soothing her much like he would a wounded animal.

When she lifted her gaze to meet his, her eyes were dull with embarrassment and the remnants of fear. It made his chest ache.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely. “I just panicked. I couldn’t make it go away. I’m so sorry.”

Noah swallowed back the rage that threatened to explode out of him. Now wasn’t the time. He had to handle this just right or he’d never get her back. She’d never trust him. He couldn’t afford to fuck this up.

“Will you let me hold you?” he asked softly.

She hesitated a moment—the longest moment of Noah’s life—before she finally made a move toward him.

It was shaky and hesitant, but with Liam’s help, she uncurled herself and then got to her knees. But she didn’t launch herself into Noah’s arms. She simply knelt there, glancing anxiously at him.

“Come here, sweetheart,” he said, pulling her into his arms.

He gathered her naked body against his and wrapped as much of himself around her as he could get. He held her tightly against his heart, rocking back and forth as he kissed every inch of her face.

“You will not apologize to me for this,” he said fiercely. “It’s my goddamn fault and it’s me who needs to be on my knees in front of you begging you to forgive me and give me another chance. I’m so sorry, Lauren. I wouldn’t frighten you for the world. I’d do anything at all for you to never be afraid again.”

He kissed the top of her head, her hair. He couldn’t get enough of her. He wanted to absorb her right into his soul.

“Please look at me. Say something. Just as long as it’s not an apology.”

She lifted her head again and stared back at him, tears swimming in her eyes. His stomach plummeted. It felt like someone kicked him right in the balls. He certainly deserved it.

“Lauren, I’m sorry. Me. I ruined what was the most beautiful moment I’ve ever experienced. I ruined it for you. I ruined it for Liam. And I damn sure ruined it for me.”

“I was the one who let him back in,” she said painfully. “I was so determined to keep him out, to keep the past in the past and not let it intrude on tonight. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, Noah. Please believe that. I never once thought that you would do anything I didn’t want. But even knowing that, panic took over and I couldn’t control what I did. My heart screamed that you would never hurt me and my mind just took over and shut me down.”

Noah positioned her so that she straddled his lap and he could look her in the eyes. He cupped her face, stroking her soft, sweet skin as he searched for just the right thing to say.

Fuck it all, but he didn’t know what to say. He could only be honest. He screwed up.

“Honey, you can not blame yourself for this. I did a stupid thing. It would be one thing if I hadn’t known what happened, but you told us. I just didn’t think. I wanted you so badly and I wanted to touch every inch of you. I wanted my hands and mouth on you and I wanted my dick inside you. And maybe in the back of my mind I thought I could replace those bad memories with good ones, that I could show you how it could be with someone who cares about you. It was arrogant and stupid of me. I was too caught up in the moment and I didn’t stop to think how it was affecting you. I’m sorry. I should have made damn sure you were with me every second of the way.”

She swallowed and her gaze went all shiny and wet again.

“I wanted all of that too.”

“I know you did,” he said gently. “I fucked up. Not you.”

She leaned until her forehead met his. Her mouth was tantalizingly close, but he reined himself in, refusing to make a single move until she issued the invitation.

Then she wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. He put his own around her waist, resisting the urge to haul her up against him until neither of them could breathe.

“Guess we have a lot to learn about this threesome thing,” she breathed.

He smiled. “Yeah, honey, I guess we do. But you know what? We’ll figure it out. Together.”

She turned then, her gaze seeking Liam out. He was perched on the edge of the bed, his gaze intently focused on what was going on between Noah and Lauren.

She extended her hand to him and he readily took it.

Then she glanced back to Noah. “Are you both sure this is what you want? Me? Us? Together?”

“Damn straight,” Liam growled before Noah could respond.

Noah took more time, gauging the expression on Lauren’s face. He searched for reluctance or regret. Second thoughts. Anything to hint that she was looking for a way out.

He touched her cheek, rubbing his knuckle down to her jaw.

“I think the more important question is whether you’re sure this is what you want.”

She nodded solemnly. “It is. I am. Just be patient with me. I can’t promise not to freak out again. I don’t want to. I don’t want to give that bastard any power over me, but it doesn’t appear that I have a choice.”

The sadness in her voice was Noah’s undoing. He gathered her in his arms, forcing her to break contact with Liam. He held her so tightly he was probably hurting her, but he wanted to tell her with more than just words what he felt.

“I promise we have all the time in the world,” he said gruffly. “One day at a time. There’s no hurry, honey. We’ll get that bastard out of your head. Just give it time. And give us time. You talk about us being patient with you, but sweetheart, I’m the one fucking up over here. Promise that you’ll be patient with me, and I’ll do my damnedest to make you happy.”

She lay her head against his shoulder and buried her face in his neck.

“I think we’ll both make our share of mistakes. I just have to recondition myself not to expect violence as a result of a mistake I make.”

Noah closed his eyes, his teeth clenched so tightly that his jaw hurt. When he reopened them, he saw the same rage in Liam’s expression.

How could anyone hurt such a beautiful, sweet woman? Any woman? What kind of an asshole got off on controlling someone weaker than himself?

More than ever, Noah wanted to hunt that little bastard down and make him suffer for all the women he’d ever hurt. He doubted Lauren was the first or that she’d be the last.

“You’ll never receive violence from either of us,” Noah said in a low voice. “I may get mad as hell. Liam’s got a black temper and he can be a moody son of a bitch.”

Liam scowled at Noah in response.

Noah chuckled. “My point is we can fight and argue and I’m sure we will. But you don’t ever have to worry about either of us physically retaliating. I’m more of an air-my-grievance-and-get-over-it guy.”

Lauren nodded, and he gently pried her away from his neck so that she could once more see him and Liam.

Liam reached forward to claim the hand he’d held before, and Noah slid his hand up her arm to squeeze her shoulder.

“Don’t you understand, sweetheart? You’re going to have us both so wrapped around your little finger, that I doubt there’ll ever be that much disagreement.”

“We plan to spoil you rotten and give you everything you could possibly ever want or need,” Liam added gruffly.

Lauren smiled, chasing away the shadows in her eyes. Her gaze sparkled once more. No ghosts haunting from the past. No remnants of pain or shame.

“Is it wrong that I love the idea of having both of you wrapped around my finger?” she asked, her voice so sweet that it made Noah want to groan.

Liam lifted her hand to kiss each finger in turn.

“Not a damn thing wrong with that,” Liam said, his tone resolute. “It’s good you like the idea, because that is one thing you aren’t going to have a single say in. We’re going to spoil you rotten and we’re going to enjoy every damn minute.”