Crystal's Heart

Chapter Eleventh

Exhausted from being up most of the night not to mention being scared out of her mind over her mother, Laura wasn't surprised when she finally opened her eyes and saw it was almost noon. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she rose and ungracefully made her way to the bathroom. She absently pulled the damp towel and underwear off the shower rod and draped them over the sink, the action now part of her morning routine since Crystal was the first to get up in the morning. Turning the faucets until the shower was just the right temperature, Laura noted the pulsating bursts and looked at it thoughtfully, realizing who had changed the pattern. That's the first time she's ever done that. A horribly prurient thought crossed her mind. And just what were you doing in here? Setting the dial to spray, Laura stepped under the water and reached for the soap, a silly smirk still on her lips.

Half an hour later, Laura made her way down the stairs. Having not bothered to use the hair dryer, her dark hair hung limply around her head, stopping just below the jaw line in the front and the base of her head in the back. A pleasant aroma passed under her nose and she smiled. "Hmm, what smells so good?" she asked, knowing Crystal was in the kitchen. Sure enough, Laura was answered by a bright and chipper voice.

"I found a waffle maker and the instructions was on the side of the box," Crystal said, giving Laura a cheerful smile. "I heard you turn on the shower and figured you might be hungry."

"Thank you very much," Laura answered, eyeing the stack of waffles sitting on the plate and realizing that she was indeed hungry. "I can't remember the last time someone made me breakfast." After giving it some quick thought, she realized none too happily that Jenny had been the last one to spend the night and surprise her with breakfast. That had been over three years ago and Laura briefly wondered where the time had gone. Locked upstairs in front of that computer and writing all the time, a voice inside answered.

"Your sex life's as dull as mine, huh?" Crystal said with a smirk, drawing Laura back from her thoughts. "Dunno why with all those women fawning over you." Crystal turned away to remove the next set of waffles from the hot iron.

Laura looked at her thoughtfully. "Guess I haven't really been looking for a while." Leaning an elbow against the counter, she reached for the coffee pot, pouring the hot liquid into a nearby mug. "I haven't thought about it in a while either." Lost in her thoughts, Laura didn't notice when Crystal went to the refrigerator and returned with the container of milk. "Oh, thanks," she said when finally realized, holding her mug out. "That's enough."

"Sit down and relax." Crystal motioned at the table. "I'll take care of it. The paper's there." Laura nodded and walked over the table, settling down into the chair and bringing the mug to her lips. Watching over the brim of the mug, Laura let her thoughts go in random directions while she gazed upon the woman moving about the kitchen. After their time of living together, Laura understood more and more about her beautiful but troubled roommate. She understood now that Crystal was very much a loner who felt the pain of loneliness profoundly. When the blonde first moved in, Laura saw the hard shell of a woman raised on the streets. Time showed the layers hidden beneath the shell. At times Laura glimpsed the confused teen reaching out for protection from those that should have been doing the protecting and her heart ached for the young girl who never received the love she so desperately needed. But last night and this morning were showing yet another layer to Crystal. Laura felt the caring in the way she had been held during her crying jag, the gentle hugs that seemed to happen just when she needed them, the coffee and waffles waiting for her. When Crystal set the plate and syrup on the table, Laura stood up and wrapped her arms around the younger woman.

"Thank you so much for being there for me last night," Laura whispered into the blonde hair. "It means a great deal to me and I just want you to know I appreciate it." Pulling back slightly but maintaining her hold, Laura looked into blue eyes intently. "Not everyone can spend most of the night sitting around in a hospital just to give a friend moral support."

Crystal's small smile seemed forced and Laura found the young woman couldn't maintain the direct eye contact. "Yeah well," the blonde said as she pulled away, "You've been there for me. It's the least I could do. You'd better eat before they get cold."

Seeing her friend's discomfort, Laura gave Crystal a reassuring smile and resumed her seat. The writer barely got the first bite into her mouth before her eyes closed and she gave a happy moan. "Oh, this is good." Another bite. "I didn't realize how hungry I was." "Well, you didn't have dinner last night," Crystal pointed out, shaking her head when Laura pointed at the stack of waffles. "No thanks. I've been up for a while and grabbed something earlier. Oh, by the way, you had a phone call."

"Oh yeah?" Laura used her fork to cut another piece of her waffle. "Who was it?"

"Your Aunt Helen."

Laura's fork stopped halfway to her mouth and she looked at her roommate as if the blonde had just said the IRS called to schedule an audit. "Uh did she say?" she asked with great trepidation. The mention of her mother's eccentric sister was never a good thing. Laura remembered many a family get together that had her mother and father having words behind closed doors because of something Helen said or did. "She said she'd be at the airport at four twenty. I wrote the flight number down. Why are you looking like that?"

Laura had closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, certain she would have a migraine before the day was out. "Did she say how long she was staying?"

"No. There was a lot of noise and she had a bit of an accent."

"She's from Boston," Laura said, opening her eyes and staring at the waffle she was pushing around her plate. "This is not good," she moaned softly.

"Not exactly a favorite relative?" Crystal ventured.

"I tolerate her," Laura offered grudgingly. "She's a bit with her, what you see is what you get. Aunt Helen doesn't hold anything back and she has an opinion on everything." Taking several swallows of coffee, more to collect her thoughts than to quench a thirst, Laura continued. "It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't against just about everything my parents were for."

"Does she get along with your mother at all?" Crystal asked.

"If they haven't seen each other in a long time, then yes for a little while they'll get along fine. They'll catch up on what's been going on with each other and then share the gossip about the rest of the family."

"That's not so bad."

Laura lifted her head. "No, that part's fine. It's when Mom nags Aunt Helen about her drinking or smoking or her endless stream of boyfriends or her quote unquote loose life," Laura made quote marks with her fingers. "Then they start going at it. When Dad was alive the three of them would always get into these huge debates about everything under the sun and then some. Last time she visited she told Mom she refused to stay at her house anymore." Her eyes widened at the horrid thought that came to her mind. "Oh God, I hope she's forgotten about that. She's not staying here. I'll go find a hotel."

"Ooh, she's really that bad, huh?" Crystal shook her head. "And I thought I drove you nuts. She must be something if she's worse than the roommate from hell." Startled by the comment, Laura looked over to see the blonde shrugging her shoulders. "I heard you talking to someone on the phone," Crystal revealed.

"I

" Laura looked down at her plate, truly regretful that the young woman had heard those words come from her. "I haven't said that in a while. Not the last few weeks at least."

Crystal shook her head dismissively. "Don't worry about it. You had a right to bitch. It's gotta be hard to live with someone who's "

"Such a slob?" Laura offered, earning a wry smile from her roommate.

"I was going to say someone who is so different from you," Crystal finished, looking at her pointedly. "It ain't easy living with Miss Prim and Proper but hey, we're getting there." She didn't appear as hurt by the overheard comment as Laura thought she would be and the writer decided Crystal must have forgiven her for it already.

"That's true," Laura agreed, at least to the getting there part. "I've been told there's nothing that with tolerance and patience can't be worked through if people are willing to work hard enough for it. Who knows, we could end up being the best of friends someday."

"Now let's not push it," Crystal warned jokingly, seeming much more relaxed and amiable than usual. "I still think you're a pain in the ass about everything being so spic and span." She rose to her feet and patted her pants pocket. "It's time for me to go catch a butt. Be back in a few minutes and if you want, I'll go with you to the hospital again. Bobby called too and he said he'd meet you there."

"Guess I was the last one out of bed this morning," Laura said. "Sure, you can come along if you feel like it. You'll have to ride with me to the airport to pick her up later though."

"No prob, from what she sounds like, it oughta be fun to meet her. Back in a few." With that Crystal opened the screen door and stepped outside to have a cigarette.

Laura turned her attention back to the plate of waffles in front of her although her appetite lessened with the mention of her troublesome aunt. She hoped Helen would be more concerned about how her own sister was doing than in bringing up any of the six thousand topics that invariably led to a verbal war. Who called her? she wondered. Probably Grandma Betty. Helen was one person who Laura couldn't reach the first time she made her calls, frustrated that her aunt's voice mail was filled up and she unable to leave a message. What's the point of having something take messages for you if you don't check it once in a while? Then again, maybe she does get that many calls a day. Laura mentally renewed her private plea not to have her aunt remember the fight about staying at the house and want to stay here instead. To Laura's dismay, a twinge in her temple signaled a headache on its way and the writer seriously doubted if it would be a good day at all.

Bobby had been waiting for them at the hospital, an amused expression on his youthful face. "'Bout time you got here. Mom thought you weren't showing up."

"She's awake?" Laura asked as they approached. Her brother was standing in the hall outside of her mother's room.

"Yes I am," her mother called out. Laura spared a quick glance at Crystal and entered the room, greeting her mother and apologizing for not being there sooner. She was sorely disappointed to find that her brother and Crystal had not followed her in, forcing her to deal with her alert and from the expression on her face, agitated mother.

"How are you feeling? You gave us all quite a scare."

Gail Taylor waved her hand dismissively, not caring that the intravenous tubes were attached to it. "You can't get rid of me that easily. I plan on being around to aggravate you for quite a while." Despite the bravado being shown, Laura was certain her mother had been shaken up more than was being let on.

"Has the doctor been in to see you yet?"

"Oh yes, that's all they've been doing. The nurses wake me up at all hours to take my blood pressure and I've seen a doctor from just about every department so far." The older woman held her hand out, showing a very distinct indentation around the base of the third finger. "They had to cut my rings off because of all the swelling," Gail said solemnly. "Those rings never left my hand since your father put them on there thirty years ago."

"I'm sure we can get them repaired," Laura offered.

"That's not the point," her mother said sharply. "Doctor Stevens said this could happen again. He wants me to get one of those panic buttons you wear around your neck that alerts the ambulance."

The thought her mother could need such a device scared Laura more than wanted to admit. It was bad enough her mother looked so puffy, cheekbones practically nonexistent in roundness of her face. That such a thing could happen again with little to no warning downright terrified her. "Mom" Laura took a deep breath.

"Oh no you don't," Gail shook her head vehemently. "This may be serious but I'm not going into some kind of nursing home."

"I wasn't going to say that," Laura replied although if forced to admit it the thought had crossed her mind. "But you should consider maybe having an aide come in to help you. I don't want you to exert yourself."

"Nonsense. You are only a phone call away and I know how to dial 911."

"But what if you fall and can't get to the phone?"

"You make me sound like your grandmother. I'm not helpless, Laura." The tiredness was beginning to show on Gail's face. "Now let's just drop it. The doctors say I'll be out of here by the end of the week. We'll see how things are then."

Laura nodded, not wanting to upset her mother and not in the mood to push the point. "I can always come stay with you until you feel better if you want." To anyone else, it would seem the most natural of offers but to the strong willed Taylor women, it was a magnanimous offer to the extreme. Laura loved her mother deeply and the feeling was mutual but there was only so long they could be in other's company. The thought reminded her of the relative currently flying in the skies overhead. "Um, Mom Bobby tell you who was coming?"

"Not Helen?" her mother asked hopefully. Laura nodded, wishing silently her brother would stop sneaking off to have a cigarette with her roommate and get back in here. "She's not staying at my house," Gail said firmly. "I'm too tired out to put up with her."

"You won't be getting out of here few at least a week or so, right?"

"When I do I don't want to put up with her," her mother insisted. "There's plenty of hotels here. Let her stay at one of them." Gail huffed and her face showed the effort she was making. Alarmed, Laura reached for the call button only to be waved off. "No, there's no need for that. I'm just getting tired so easily now."

Relieved but still concerned, Laura pulled her hand back, letting it wrap around the bed railing instead. "All right," she said, not wishing to upset her mother any further. "I'll find her somewhere else to stay." Moving up to the head of the bed, she reached over and adjusted the pillow behind her mother's head. "Is that better?"

"Much." Gail favored her daughter with an approving smile that seemed odd on familiar features puffed by the edema. "You always were a good girl."

"I had good parents," Laura countered, patting her mother's shoulder before moving back to a position where they could see each other. "You may not have always agreed with everything I've done but you've supported and loved me." To Laura's surprise, she thought of Crystal and a shot of empathy went through her, wishing her roommate could have grown up with parents as good as her own. "I love you Mom," she said, giving her mother's hand a squeeze.

"All right, enough with the mushy stuff," Bobby said as he entered the room. Behind him Laura could see Crystal standing awkwardly out in the hall and waved her in as well.

"It's about time you came back," his mother admonished before giving Crystal a glance. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Crystal replied politely. "I hope you're feeling better."

"Much better," Gail answered, pausing to take a few breaths. Laura decided her mother needed to rest and she needed to deal with the relative who would be arriving soon.

"Mom, we're going to leave and let you get some rest," she said, pulling the blanket up around her mother's shoulders. "You relax and get your rest. I'll be back later."

"I suppose you'll be bringing Helen with you," her mother said grumpily as she settled back against her pillow.

"Mom, do you think I have a choice?" she asked, finishing her tucking of the blanket around her mother and straightening up. "We'll see you later." Laura bent down to give her mother a quick kiss on the forehead before stepping back so Bobby could say his goodbyes.

The airport traffic was thick with minivans and cars all battling for places to park while cabs continually tried to weave through the slow moving vehicles. "I hate coming here," Laura said as yet another cab took advantage of the safety buffer she allowed herself between cars to wedge themselves through.

"I'm surprised he didn't take the paint off," Crystal said, giving the yellow cab in front of them a dirty glare. "What moron designed this place anyway?"

"I'm sure no one moron is responsible." Spotting the sign ahead for short term parking, Laura quickly checked the side view mirror before pulling into the left lane. "No doubt this was caused by a committee."

"A committee on some heavy drugs," Crystal commented. "Look, there's a spot."

"Naw, too close to the door. It has to be a handicapped spot." As they approached, a blue design painted on the ground confirmed the writer's suspicions. It took three more passes of short term parking before Crystal spotted a car just leaving and they were finally able to secure a space. "This is insane," the blonde grumbled. "I knew there was a reason I never flew anywhere. It's not the plane it's the damn airport."

"This is the easy part," Laura said, turning the key in the lock and activating her seldom used alarm system. "We have to find out which gate she's arriving at. She only told me which flight she was on." They made their way through the parking lot only to be stopped by the steady flow of two lanes of traffic that refused to stop long enough for the m to cross. Laura suffered through some more colorful phrases from her aggravated roommate before they finally saw a break in the traffic and darted to the main terminal.

Brightly lit signs and the endless stream of people created a dizzying array of colors and noise. Laura paused at the directory long enough to get her bearings, disappointed to see the gate they needed was at the other end of the terminal. Crystal's temper was apparently short flared and if one more person bumped the blonde woman, Laura worried there would be more than just an exchange of gestures and insults. By the time they arrived at the gate, Crystal was clearly agitated and absently reaching for her cigarettes. "That's right," she said in a frustrated tone. "Can't smoke in here." With an aggravated sigh Crystal flopped down in the low backed plastic chair. Laura took the seat next to her, noting the area beginning to fill up with people waiting for the incoming flight.

"Afraid not," Laura said gently. Without thought she reached over and rested her hand on Crystal's shoulder, slightly hurt when she felt the flinch beneath her fingers. Wondering briefly if she should remove it before discarding the notion, the writer let her hand slide down, lightly rubbing Crystal's upper back. When her actions were not rebuked, Laura altered her motion, letting her fingers slide back and forth in a lazy arc, feeling the tension and tightness in the muscles beneath the skin. "It looks like we're about fifteen minutes early," she said, never ceasing in the gentle motion of her hand on Crystal's back. There had been a stiffness when she had first placed her hand but Laura suspected that was more of an automatic reaction on the younger woman's part to being touched.

"I'll let you bring her back to the airport on your own," Crystal said, although her tone was definitely less agitated than it had been. "I'm not going through that mess again."

"How do you think we're going to be getting out here?" Laura queried in a teasing tone. "The car isn't going to come to us." Crystal seemed to think about that problem and frowned even more. Laura tried hard not to smirk but the pout on her roommate's face was too cute for her to keep a straight face.

"Smart ass," Crystal grumbled.

"Just pointing out facts, my friend. Don't forget Helen will probably have three or four suitcases with her."

"What's she doing, moving here?"

Laura smiled at that, her aunt notorious for having more luggage than any one person could ever need no matter how long the trip. "Let's just hope she's planning on staying for a few days. Any more than that and we'll need to use one of those valet carts."

"What we?" the blonde asked dryly. "She's your relative."

"That's fine. You can keep up with her and let her talk your ear off. I don't mind."

"I get the feeling I'm going to regret tagging along with you today, aren't I?" Crystal asked cautiously, fearing that indeed would be the case.

When the plane finally landed and passengers started to stream into the gate, there was no doubt to Crystal who Helen was. Dressed in brightly colored silks with a matching hat, Helen Chick stood out in a crowd. Laura nodded at Crystal's observation and waved to get the flamboyant woman's attention.

"Ooh Laura Elizabeth!" Helen exclaimed, her voice carrying over the throngs of people between them. Waving her hand excitedly, she forced her way through the crowd and wrapped Laura up in what appeared to Crystal to be a very painful bear hug.

"Aunt Helen, how are you?" Laura asked after taking a moment to get the air back into her lungs.

"Oh, I'm the same as always, pumpkin. Busy, busy, busy all the time."

Crystal's eyebrows rose at the pet name her roommate was called, fully planning on teasing the writer at a later time. Realizing that she was now the focus of attention, she held her hand out. "I'm Crystal, Laura's roommate."

"Of course you are," Helen said excitedly, pulling Crystal into a crushing hug. "What a pretty little thing you are." Too shocked to resist, Crystal allowed herself to be held at arms length. Closer now, she could see Laura's aunt clearly. Beneath the brightly colored hat was a mass of platinum hair surrounding a face that Crystal doubted ever saw daylight without makeup. Indeed now she could easily see the layers of base and shadow that created the image Helen Chick presented to the world.

"Uh thank you," Crystal stammered, looking over to Laura for help.

"Aunt Helen, she's" Laura began.

"Now let's get out of here before we spend an hour waiting at the light," Helen said, cutting off her niece. "I absolutely loathe this airport."

Crystal didn't know what loathe meant but from the look of distaste on Helen's face, she got the general idea. Of course there was the other i.e.she figured out from the earlier comment. Helen thought there was more than a roommate situation going on. However, since they were now moving toward the luggage claim area and Helen had gone on to list off the many things that were wrong with the local airport, Crystal decided to let the confusion over the living arrangements slide for the time being. Draped over Helen's arm was a carry on bag done in rich leather with gold trim. Crystal was dismayed to see a multitude of matching bags moving in a lazy circle on the baggage claim belt. She was certain it would never all fit in the Jeep and wondered if Laura had thought to bring cords to use for the luggage rack. After pulling one bag, however, Crystal was more concerned about her back surviving the task of getting them onto the baggage cart much less on top of the Jeep. Helen apparently packed everything short of the kitchen sink when she traveled but didn't concern herself with the weight of the bags, Crystal noted sourly as Helen spent her time pointing out which bags were hers and instructing Laura on which order they were to be stacked on the cart.

The instant they stepped into the warm August air, Crystal reached to her pocket for her cigarettes. Before it lit, however, a cloud of smoke blew past her, Helen apparently faster on the draw when it came to lighters. Crystal finished getting her cigarette lit and was stuffing the lighter back into her pocket when Helen yelped loud enough to startle her.

"You're a smoker too?" That earned the blonde a hearty slap on the back.

Damn she's strong. "Yeah," Crystal choked.

"No smoking in my car," Laura said firmly, stopping the cart just behind her Jeep. "Any preference on hotels?"

"Now there's no reason I should put out good money on a hotel especially in this little city," Helen said. "Your mother has plenty of room in her drafty old house."

Crystal, who by that time was negotiating two suitcases off the rack while holding her cigarette precariously between her teeth, noted the way Laura stiffened.

"Mom wants you to stay in a hotel. I guess she's not over what you said about the house last time."

"Nonsense. I come all this way to see her and she doesn't even have the decency to open her home to me? No pumpkin, the larger valet goes on the bottom."

"I thought this was the largest one," Laura grumbled, pulling it back out of the Jeep, only then noting the larger one Crystal was wheeling over to her. "You can't stay at Mom's house," she repeated.

"Hrmpf, fine." Helen crossed her arms, her cigarette sending little tendrils of smoke skyward. "If she wants to be like that, that's just fine by me. At least you have the manners not to throw a relation out on the street."

Crystal was trying hard not to become part of the conversation but found herself unable to keep her head from snapping up at that. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where Helen was leading. "Uh, Laura?"

"You still have that townhouse near the lake?" Helen went on, oblivious to the looks the younger women were sharing. "I bet that's such a pretty sight now that the leaves are starting to turn."

"Aunt Helen, we don't have the room for company."

"Oh it'll be just like when you used to come for visits in the summer," Helen said with a dismissive wave. "Now let's get these loaded so I can see just what Gail has done to herself this time. Since you don't seem to be that upset I can only assume she's going to be fine." "With time and medication, yes," Laura began. "But you just can't stay with us."

"Now my little Laura," Helen said as if speaking to a child. "Don't you remember when I came to visit and you and I had that nice long chat about your 'roommate'? There's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I'm not that kind of roommate," Crystal finally spoke up. "I really do have a room of my own."

"Oh." Helen frowned and Crystal was sure that would be end of that subject but then the flamboyant woman found her own solution. "Well you at least have a couch, don't you?" The older woman laughed heartily. "I promise not to bring any young men home with me." Crystal looked to Laura only to see her usually self-assured roommate slump her shoulders in defeat. Guess we have company for a few days. Looking at the pile of luggage still waiting to be secured in or on the Jeep, the blonde had to just hope it was only a few days and not a few months.

In the end it was decided by Laura that Helen would take her room and she would use the couch, her manners refusing to allow her to do anything less for a guest, no matter how grating on the nerves the guest was. Helen took the passenger seat and promptly claimed control over the radio on the way home. Disco tunes spilled out of the speakers while Helen jabbered endlessly to Laura about the various relatives and what they were doing. Doing her best to stay away from either rear speaker, Crystal found herself sitting in the middle of the back seat and unable to miss various snippets of conversation. It certainly wasn't hard since Helen insisted on speaking louder than the music instead of turning the volume down to a more humane level. The image of Laura's family as being squeaky clean and perfect quickly flew from Crystal's mind as Helen went on.

"And the fool probably would have gotten away with it if he didn't sneeze while hiding in that storm drain," Laura's aunt said, finishing a story about one of the cousins. "He's lucky he only received probation."

"Uh huh," Laura said absently, her eyes on apparently most of her attention on the road. Helen turned to Crystal.

"So tell me is my niece still completely anal about keeping her house clean?"

"Um" Realizing she was a trapped audience, Crystal took a deep breath and surrendered. "Yeah."

"She needs to let her hair down and live a little," the older woman continued. "She's far too stuffy. Maybe we can get her to break out of her shell while I'm here. How does that sound?"

Oh please just come and take me now, Crystal silently prayed, visions of being dragged to bingo and museums passing through her mind. "Well, it depends on what Laura wants to do," she finally said. "I work a lot so I might not be able to go with you two." Please make all your plans for the weekdays. I hope Michael has lots of overtime.

"Nonsense," Helen replied. "We'll make sure to find the time."

Crystal frowned, realizing Helen was the type of person who never took no for an answer. "How long are you staying?" "I suppose a week or so. We'll see. I hate to set dates."

The answer did nothing to make Crystal feel better.

"She's driving me nuts," Crystal growled, flopping atop the beanbag. "Have you ever met this kook?"

Jenny, who had spent the better part of the week listening to Laura rant on the phone about the free spirited aunt who turned their home upside down, was ready for some type of complaint from Crystal but not quite the one she received. There was barely a hello before the younger woman shoved the composition book into her hands and began ranting about Laura's aunt. "What is she doing that is making you so upset?"

"Everything," Crystal huffed, using her fingers to straighten out her disarrayed hair. "I thought Laura was annoying at times but this woman takes the damn cake. You know how Laura always gets the answer to every question on the game shows?"

Jenny nodded, a trait she was familiar with. "And that annoys you?"

"Not as much as when Helen the human encyclopedia does it. The question asked which dam, not when it was built and its life history. So Laura says Hoover and Helen goes off on how it created Boulder City and she just kept going on and on." Crystal's dander was getting up and stopping was out of the question. "It was like no matter what Laura said, she had to add to it until they end up in this long drawn out conversation about something that has nothing to do with the question they asked in the first place. She's driving Laura nuts." Crystal shot a glance at Jenny. "Yeah, I know, we can't talk about Laura."

Jenny nodded and opened the composition book. "So it's been quite a busy week at home."

"Home, work, everything." Slumping down to make the beanbag more of a pillow than a seat, Crystal laced her fingers behind her head and stared off at nothing. "It's not enough Laura has to deal with her mother who keeps getting more bitchy each day she has to stay at the hospital but Helen's driving her up the wall." Apparently the rule forbidding Laura being a topic of conversation was forgotten by Crystal and Jenny hesitated in interrupting what was one of the longest trains of thought her patient had revealed to date. "I bet she's not getting much writing done even with the computer down in the living room now. I don't hear her typing and it's right below my room." The anger and agitation present in Crystal's voice when she first entered the room were gone, replaced by a much softer and reflective tone. "You know I never thought of that?" She smiled. "The bathroom is between our rooms but when we both have the doors to the balcony open, I can hear her typing."

"Why do you think you listen for her typing?" Jenny prodded.

"I dunno." Crystal gave a familiar shrug. "I guess it just reminds me that she's right there."

"Like your sister was right in the next room when you were growing up?"

"Kinda but not quite." The blonde stretched her legs out and crossed her ankles. "It's different than when I would listen for Patty. I can't explain it." Jenny, skimming through the notebook while Crystal was talking, looked up. "Do you want to talk about this dream?"

Surprise crossed Crystal's face, followed quickly by a frown. "Not really. I don't know why I bothered writing about it. It's no big deal."

"This is the first time you've ever mentioned having an erotic dream," the therapist pointed out. "The fact you woke up during the foreplay aside, I do think it is significant. Have you had these dreams before?"

"I'm not gonna talk about my sex life, or lack of it, with you," Crystal said firmly, setting her jaw and crossing her arms over her chest. "Let's talk about something else."

"You want to move onto a safer topic, hmm? All right. Did you go to the meeting Tuesday night?" Crystal's frown and refusal to respond gave Jenny her answer. "I see. These sessions are a tool designed to help you, Crystal. I wouldn't recommend them if I didn't think they'd be helpful to you." "I don't need to sit around and listen to someone else's sad story," the blonde grumbled. "Besides, I was busy with Laura and that nut aunt of hers."

Jenny let the comment pass, refusing to take the bait and return to the taboo topic. "You're never too busy to take care of yourself and that's what the women's group meetings are. I can't force you to go but I strongly suggest you do."

"Yes Mother," came the acerbic reply, followed by a snort. "Actually if you were my mother you'd be too drunk to notice if I did something or not." There was a long silence before Crystal continued. "Not that she'd notice anything Patty did more than me or anything but it was like we'd show her something we did at school and she'd just ignore us."

"She didn't find the same things important that you did," Jenny said. "And how did that make you feel?"

"Patty and me hated it of course."

"No. Not how did Patty feel. How did it make you feel when you came home with something you wanted your mother to praise you for and it didn't happen?"

Crystal thought about it for a moment, opening her mouth to say something then closing it without making a sound. A small smile curled the e.g.of her lip. "I was going to say pissed off but I guess I really felt hurt." Her hands returned to their previous position behind her head. "It hurt that everyone else went home to moms who loved them and paid attention to them and mine didn't." Crystal took a deep breath. "I don't know why." Words long kept inside came out with a wavering voice, her eyes refusing to move from their inspection of the ceiling. "I came home with first place in art and she threw it out. I got a ninety five on one of the pretests and Laura hung it up on the refrigerator." Crystal's eyes blinked rapidly, trying hard to stave off the moisture welling up within them. "You know how they say you don't know what you've got until it's gone?"

"Yes?"

Crystal sniffed. "Well, I guess it's true then that you don't know what you're missing until it shows up."

"Meaning?" Jenny pushed.

"Meaning" Sitting up, Crystal brought her knees up and rested her forearms on them. "Since Patty, there hasn't ever been anyone until now that I felt cared about me." Emotions flickered over Crystal's face as she tried to make sense of her jumbled thoughts. "I've had friends but never anyone close, not like Laura has been." The young woman gave a short laugh and looked over at Jenny. "I've forgotten what it's like for someone to actually give a damn about me. To pay attention to what's going on in my life. To"

"To have someone put your test up on the refrigerator," Jenny finished.

"How stupid is that?" Crystal asked. "I let myself get all mushy over something like Laura putting that test up." She wiped her eyes although no tears managed to fall.

"It's been a long time since someone gave notice to your abilities and accomplishments." Jenny set the notebook aside and leaned forward. "It's been a long time since you've let anyone get close enough to you to care for you. You hide in that turtle shell thinking trying to keep everyone on the outside but you know deep inside that shell it's a lonely place."

"But I don't get hurt in my shell," Crystal countered without much enthusiasm.

"If you don't let yourself open up to being hurt, you can't enjoy the pleasures of being loved. It's a risk you take when you decide to live instead of just existing."

"How the hell did you get me on this topic anyway," Crystal grumbled. "We started out talking about what a pain in the ass Laura's aunt is." "And you were angry when you came in the door. Now you're calm. Amazing what happens when you open up to someone, isn't it?" Jenny smiled, ignoring the harmless glare being directed at her. "So you want to talk about your temporary houseguest."

"Houseguest from hell," Crystal clarified, reminded of the fact that Laura used to call her the roommate from hell when they first started living together. "You know how Laura's a neat freak. Helen makes me look like Laura. I swear she can't enter a room without making it look like a hurricane came through. At least with Laura I know where something is. You know she used my mug?"

"Who used your mug?"

"Helen." Crystal sat up and looked at Jenny. "No one uses that mug but me."

"Did she know it was your mug?"

"How could she not?" came the reply. Crystal took the use of her mug by someone else as a personal affront and Jenny's calm manner about it was earning the therapist the evil eye. "It was the only mug in there with my name on it."

"I don't remember seeing that there," Jenny remarked.

"Laura bought it for me last week," Crystal said. "Didn't she tell you?"

"I haven't talked to her much since her mother became ill." Thinking about where they were, Jenny straightened and cleared her throat. "Gotta watch that line, Crystal."

"Yeah well it's kinda hard when I can't talk about the person I spend the most time with," the blonde complained. Deciding that her point was made, Crystal returned to the real topic. "So she has no respect for my mug or even for things that Laura likes. She used those rose shaped soaps because she said she didn't like the scent of the bar soap." She shook her head. "She's loud and doesn't give a shit what she says about anything."

"You know." This time the therapist could not contain her smirk. "It seems to me that just two weeks ago you were bitching about those very soaps and how much of a let me the quote right here pain in the ass Laura was about them."

Crystal flushed slightly and lowered her head in acknowledgment. "Yeah well that was before Laura told me about where she got them and how it made her feel to go in there and smell the scents."

Now Jenny was smiling in the smug way she always did when she finally had Crystal steered down the path she wanted. "Tolerance and understanding made the difference. You couldn't stand certain things about living with another person but as time goes by not only do you learn to accept the differences but now you even appreciate some of them."

Crystal made no objection to the statement, merely shrugging her shoulders noncommittally. "She's not so bad. Once you get past the neat freak part, that is. You just gotta know her, that's all."

"I suspect many people you meet will fall into the same category," Jenny said. "There are some very good people out there if you care to open your eyes."

Crystal's face took on a faraway look and Jenny let a few moments go by before clearing her throat politely. "Oh, sorry," the blonde said. "I was just thinking about something."

"Do share," Jenny encouraged, moving from the couch to the unattended beanbag and assuming the same comfortable position Crystal was in, legs and hips on the floor, back supported by the beanbag. "It certainly wasn't a bad thought from the look on your face."

"I was just remembering once about three years ago when I went out for a ride on some back country road. I stopped at a garage sale that looked like every single thing there should have been thrown in the dumpster long ago." Crystal's face grew animated and she sat up while telling her story. "They had windows with broken glass, lamps that didn't work, you name it. If it was junk, they had it. So I'm just looking around. I don't know why, I never go to those kinda things."

"I like garage sales," Jenny said. "You never know what you're going to find."

"Exactly," Crystal said enthusiastically. "Well behind all that junk I found a box and inside that was a watch, a knife and some tools. Well the whole box was marked for five bucks and I just had this feeling so I bought it. I took the stuff one by one to the antique stores around and all totaled I got over a hundred bucks for everything and I still had some wooden knickknacks from that box up until the fire."

"And the lesson to the story is?" Jenny asked in a teasing tone.

"That even if it looks like it's just junk take another look."

"You'll never know where you might find that treasure," the therapist finished. Looking at her watch, Jenny frowned. "Well, we've spent enough time talking about every subject under the sun. I think it's time we do a little more role playing, what do you say?"

"I say what I said last time," Crystal replied, her mood quickly turning defiant. Pushing her way back on top of the beanbag, she crossed her arms over her chest. "I think it's stupid to pretend about something that'll never happen."

"That's what pretend is all about," Jenny said calmly. "There's a safety in being able to yell at the person you're angry with without worrying about any physical repercussions." This was an on going battle with Jenny to get Crystal to feel safe enough to open up and let out some of the rage and hurt that were bottled up inside. Despite the attitude being shown at the moment, Jenny felt it was still the best time to try.

"I still think this is stupid." Grumbling to herself but loudly enough that Jenny could hear her, Crystal walked over to the mat taking up the corner of the room behind the beanbags. "All right, so which parent do you want me to be pissed off with this time."

"Which one do you feel like yelling at?" the therapist countered, standing just a few feet away from her patient.

"I don't feel like yelling at either one of them," Crystal said in a bored tone. "They're not worth my energy."

"Neither of them?"

Crystal nodded. "I don't give a shit about either of them. They can both go to hell."

"Why?"

"You know why. Because of what they did to me." Crystal became more agitated, tapping her foot on the mat and clenching her jaw. "And she was useless."

"Why was your mother useless to you? How did she fail you?" Jenny kept her distance but moved until she was facing the very angry woman. "Tell her, Crystal."

"She didn't care."

"How. Tell her how," Jenny urged, keeping her voice gentle. "I'm your mother, Crystal. Tell me what I did that was so bad to you."

Crystal's respiration increased as did her movements, pacing back and forth in a small line. "She didn't wait for us at the bus stop like the other moms did. She didn't make us lunches and we had to get the free lunch at school which everyone knows is for the poor kids." "What else?"

A strangled cry broke from Crystal's lips. "What else? You really wanna know?" She pushed right in front of Jenny's face, noting the involuntary flinch. "How about not making sure the rips in my pants were fixed before I wore them to school. How about having dinner that didn't come in a metal tray? I hated those!" she said before turned and storming deliberately to where the punching bag stood, her back to Jenny. "Would it have killed you to make one fucking dinner once in a while?" Crystal's right fist connected solidly with the bag. "Would it have been so difficult for you to show up to just one of the open houses at school?" A sharp thwack reverberated through the room as the angry woman's fist connected again. "Why couldn't you have cared enough about us to leave him?"

Jenny sat cross legged down on the mat, letting Crystal release her frustrations and rants to the punching bag. She winced at one particularly loud punch and knew next time she would have to insist on her patient wearing the boxing gloves. The child whose right to be heard had been so long denied roared with a vengeance, crying out to whoever would listen of the injustices she had suffered. Crystal's raging display lasted for long minutes until the young woman slumped to her knees and hung her head. Jenny grabbed some tissues and crossed the mat quickly, arriving just Crystal's shoulders began to shake.

"Why?" Crystal sobbed, helplessly clutching herself. "I just don't understand why."

Jenny put her hands on the young woman's shoulders, squeezing gently. "You may never know why your mother did the things she did, Crystal but at some point you have to accept that you can't change what happened."

"No, I can't can I?" Crystal sniffed, taking the offered tissue and wiping her face. "But that doesn't make it hurt any less." "You're right. It doesn't." Jenny said softly. "But when you learn to accept it and move on, the pain will lessen. You are a strong woman, Crystal. You can get through this."

"It doesn't feel like it." Crystal said with a hitch to her voice. "I

I feel like this pain will never go away." The constant tears were ending as were the chest heaving sobs. Feeling embarrassed by her emotional display, Crystal took the offered tissue and wiped her eyes and face. "So this is how you know it's working, Doc?"

"Therapists have a daily quota of patients they have to get to cry," Jenny deadpanned. "What can I say? I was behind today." "Bawling like that should keep your quota filled for the week," Crystal replied, giving the smallest of smiles at the joke. Feeling reasonably in control of her feelings, she stood up and headed for the recliner.

Jenny remained on the mat, turning around so she could face her patient. "What are you feeling right now?"

"Fine," Crystal answered automatically.

"I didn't ask how you felt. I asked what you were feeling. Fine isn't going to fit. Try again."

Crystal shot her therapist a glare but it lacked any threat with the red rimmed eyes and downcast expression. Shrugging, she tried to find words to put to the turmoil spinning inside. "I dunno. Kinda empty, I guess."

"And that will happen," Jenny said gently. "I suspect, however, there is more than what you're saying."

Nodding reluctantly, Crystal smiled ruefully. "Guess that's why you're the therapist, eh Doc?" With a sigh, she tried to put the jumbled mess into order. "Sometimes I wonder what she's doing, if she ever left him. When I was a kid, I always thought if she just left him that everything would be all right." She gave a snort. "Dreams of kids."

"You're not a kid anymore."

"It doesn't make sense. How can this be? How can I hate her so much one minute and wonder what she's doing the next?"

"Perhaps what you felt wasn't hate. People are going to disappoint you. That's just a fact of life. When a friend or acquaintance does it, that's one thing but when someone close to us fails us, that's much harder to accept."

Crystal looked at Jenny thoughtfully, then nodded. "This ain't gonna be easy, Doc."

"I told you growth is a great deal of hard work," Jenny said. "And like it or not, you're going to stumble along the way and need guidance. Just don't be afraid to reach out when you do."

"Oh hey," Crystal said, noticing the time. "We went over."

"That happens at times," Jenny said, rising to her feet. "Life doesn't always fit neatly within an hour." Crystal rose as well but sat down when the therapist shook her head. "Not yet. We need to put some closure on this session before you leave."

"Oh yippee," the blonde said unenthusiastically. "I love the closure part of our time."

"I know you do," Jenny said as she took a seat on the couch. "It's your favorite part next to the hug, isn't it?"

"Yeah, a real tossup between the two," Crystal said wryly. "And after this I have to stop at the store and pick up some half and half because Helen doesn't like milk in her coffee."

"Considering how you were when you first walked through the door I'm sure she's very happy you stopped here first."

"Yeah, well" Crystal shrugged. "I'll deal with her."

"Tolerance and patience, Crystal. Remember that." Jenny settled back and picked up her clipboard. "Now let's finish up here so we can both go home."

Crystal didn't have to open the door to easily identify the music blaring through the walls. The Jeep was absent which meant only one thing, Helen was home alone and Crystal would have to entertain her until Laura returned. With a heavy sigh she turned the knob and entered.

Laura had apparently been gone for some time if the hurricane that swept through the living room was any indication. Helen was lounged across the couch, remote in one hand and the phone in the other. Gum wrappers littered the coffee table and loose papers were scattered about. Crystal went straight into the kitchen, not wanting to listen to Helen's phone call. Probably another long distance call, she thought while putting the creamer into the refrigerator. An almost empty six pack of beer caught Crystal's attention. Wait a minute. I had four of those left when I went to work this morning. Now fuming, she took the remaining bottle for herself and forcefully shut the refrigerator door.

"Oh there you are," Helen called from the doorway. "I saw you come in but I was on the phone. Did you remember to get my half and half?" "It's in the fridge," Crystal replied, leaning against the counter and bringing the bottle to her lips. "By the way, the beer you drank was mine."

"Oh it was? Well I am sorry I didn't check. I just assumed it was there for the taking." Without the benefit of a hat, Helen's platinum hair stood out almost shock straight from her head and Crystal could only wonder if Phyllis Diller had been the inspiration for the hairdo. "I guess you wouldn't know if no one said anything to you," Crystal acquiesced reluctantly. "Most everything in the fridge is shared but the beer and those health nut things that Laura likes."

"So how was your day today?" Helen asked, crossing the room and settling down at the kitchen table.

"It was fine. We finished hanging the drywall on the fourth floor."

"You have to excuse me but you're far too pretty to be playing Rosie the riveter. You could be a model."

Crystal took another long pull on her beer, making no effort to leave her comfortable space leaning on the counter. "Looks only last for so long. And I don't rivet anything. I screw drywall to the framing studs. That's a marketable skill in the construction industry."

"Just a little butch if you ask me."

I wasn't asking you, Crystal thought to herself. "Whatever. Where did Laura go?"

"She went to see her mother. I was there this morning but Gail was too busy being her usual post menopausal self to have any worthwhile conversation."

"At least she's doing better and you had a chance to see her again."

"Pshaw." Helen waved her hand dismissively. "That battle ax is going to be around for a long time to come, just like me. I should have just called to check up on her but I was due for a stateside vacation anyway."

"Well I'm sure your sister appreciates you coming so far to see her." Raising the bottle to her lips, Crystal was surprised to find it empty. I knew I should have bought more when I was at the store.

"Appreciate? Please." Helen made a disgusted look. "That woman hasn't appreciated one thing I've done for her in all my life." "Well, I don't know Mrs. Taylor that well so I can't say anything but I know I'd give my right arm to know where my sister is right now." Realizing she said more than she wanted to, Crystal set the bottle down on the counter and opened the refrigerator. "I'd better get dinner started." "You don't know where your sister is?" Helen asked. "Did you two have a fight?"

Crystal shook her head. "No. Patty ran away when she was a teenager. I haven't seen her since." Pulling the leftover chicken out and setting it on the counter, Crystal debated with herself for a moment before turning to face Helen. "You know, it's none of my business but Mrs. Taylor is your sister. Don't you care anything about her?"

"Of course I do," Helen said, bristling. "That's not the point."

"Then what is the point?" Crystal sighed. "Does it really matter that her house has a few drafts or her taste in politics is different than yours? You chose a life of parties and people, jetsetting all over the world. She chose a family and that is her world. Can't you just accept that you two are different and get over it?" Pulling a pan out from under the counter, she set it down with a bang. "Don't you think it's scary for her to be stuck in that hospital knowing if her son wasn't home she could have died?" The pan of chicken was put into the oven none too quietly. "Don't you think Laura is worried and upset over her mother? The last thing she needs is to come home and listen to you bring up the same old fights over and over again. Does it really matter who is right and who is wrong?"

"I didn't realize you felt so strongly about it," Helen said, her tone more subdued. "Usually you talk to Laura and then disappear upstairs." "Yeah well I'm not family so I try to stay out of it unless Laura needs to talk."

"Not to mention a certain herb I smell coming out of your room."

Crystal colored slightly. "Yeah well"

"I've been meaning to ask you about that. It seems I didn't pack any when I left."

"Oh." Understanding the hint, Crystal nodded. "I'm only allowed to smoke pot in my room. I can smoke cigarettes there and of course out on the decks. Laura's afraid if I light up a joint on the deck that one of the neighbors will see it."

"That's one way to make friends with your neighbors," the older woman said. "I find mine are always appreciative of sharing the herb now and again."

"I never would have pegged you for a pot smoker," Crystal said, the anger of their previous conversation leaving her. She leaned against the counter, fighting the urge to join Laura's aunt at the table.

"Compared to my niece I'm sure I seem like quite the rebel. I was very much into the disco scene of the seventies but I'm certain Laura isn't aware of that. Her mother tended to shelter her from the more 'seamy' side of life, as she called it." Helen waved her over. "Come sit down with me. I hate talking across the room." Crystal hesitated, then did as requested, taking a seat directly across from the older woman. "There, that's better. I'll have to admit you aren't like Laura's other girlfriends."

"We're not girlfriends," the blonde reminded.

"I meant as friends who happen to be women, not as lesbian lovers," Helen said. "Although I will admit it must have taken a lot of courage for Laura to come out to her mother."

"Laura has a lot of courage," Crystal agreed.

"I never told her this but I am proud that she stuck to her guns about it and didn't let her mother talk her into seeing a psychiatrist." A smirk came to the older woman's lips. "I dare say I've been known to jump over the fence once or twice. You remember the old Wagon Wheel series? The actress that played Carol, I could tell you stories about her."

The reference went over Crystal's head, knowing the show only as something that was in reruns when she was a young child but she understood the meaning clearly. "So you're bi?"

"I suppose I am. I haven't been with a woman in quite a few years but I suppose anything is still possible. What about you?" "I'm straight," Crystal replied.

"Oh, any men in your life right now? I know this absolutely devilishly handsome young man who would just die for a pretty blonde like you." Crystal gave a short laugh and shook her head. "I don't think so. I'm not looking."

"What a shame. Bad breakup?"

"No." As was her habit, Crystal looked down at the table when talking about herself. "I haven't ever been in any serious relationship."

"Now that's a real shame. You're a young thing but isn't it about time you start looking for a love to share your life with?" Helen reached out and slapped her hand atop Crystal's. "Take it from this old broad, deary. There is nothing lonelier than not having someone to love you at the end of the day. Personally I think you're limiting yourself by not looking at the other side of the fence. My niece is really quite the catch, you know. Accomplished author, college graduate and she certainly isn't hard to look at, is she?"

Crystal saw the mischievous glint in Helen's eye and smiled. "No, she isn't. Laura's a very nice person but it's just not like that between us. Besides, I'm far from her type."

"I don't know about that, deary. My little pumpkin seems to think very highly of you."

"What did she say about me?"

"Ah, curious aren't you?" Helen said knowingly. "I'll tell you what. We have at least twenty minutes for dinner, right?"

"Yeah. At least."

"If you would be kind enough to share a hit or two I might be persuaded to reveal certain things Laura has said about you." Crystal didn't need to be asked twice. "Let's go."