Crystal's Heart

Chapter Seventeenth

"Damn," Crystal swore as Laura steered the Jeep into Patty's driveway. "I can't believe I agreed to this."

"You could have canceled," Laura said.

"And say what? Sorry I can't make it to your son's birthday party? How is Thomas going to understand that?" Crystal said, tossing her sunglasses on the dash. "No, I can't do that to him. I have to go." She shook her head and reached for the door handle. "I'll just have to deal with it." "I'll be right there with you," Laura reminded her. "You don't have to stay long."

"Ten minutes in the same room with my mother is too long," Crystal said as opened the door and stepped out. She took a deep breath, knowing an open display of hostility toward her mother would upset the children. "All right, let's get this over with."

"Don't forget his present," Laura said just as the screen door swung open and the now seven year old came running out, his older sister right behind him.

"Aunt Crystal, Aunt Crystal, did you bring me a present for my birthday?" he asked.

"Mommy says you're not supposed to ask for presents," Jessica said in her best reprimanding tone when they both reached Crystal. "Aunt Crystal, I got an A on my test."

"Oh very good," Crystal said. "And yes, Thomas, we brought you a present."

"See?" he said to Jessica. "I told you I'd get a present."

Jessica crossed her arms and pouted. "I didn't get a present for my birthday."

At that moment Crystal was grateful for Laura's suggestion when they were in the toy store. "Jess," she said, drawing the girl's attention. "I think if you look in the back seat you'll find a belated birthday present."

Jessica's eyes widened in direct proportion to her smile. "A present for me?"

"Yup," Crystal said, looking over the girl's head to share a smile with Laura. "One for you and one for your brother."

Laura curtailed Thomas as he tried to get the back door open. "Hang on, slugger. I'll get it," she said, gently moving him aside and opening the door. "Yours is the one in the long flat box. I'll get Jessica's."

"Hey, her box is bigger than mine," he said in a childish whine.

Laura knelt down next to him. "But yours has more pieces," she said. "Trust me, you'll like it. Now, no peeking in the bag until we get inside, okay?" "Okay," he said, tugging his present out of the car and immediately trying to lift the flap of the paper bag where it was stapled shut.

"All right," Laura said, lifting the package out of his hands. "I'll tell you what. You go tell your mother we're here and Aunt Crystal and I will bring the presents inside."

The colorful decorations caught Crystal's eye when she entered the living room. Blue and white streamers were draped in a crisscross pattern across the ceiling while brightly colored balloons were bunched in the corners. The coffee table in front of the couch was littered with torn wrapping paper. Patty, who had been sitting in the recliner reading the instructions for Thomas' newest video game, rose from her chair when Crystal entered, meeting her halfway for a hug. "I'm glad you made it," the elder sister said, taking the present from Crystal's hands and putting it on the coffee table.

"We can't stay long," Crystal lied, looking around for the woman she wanted to avoid. "Where is she?"

"In the kitchen frosting his cake," Patty said. "Don't worry, she's not going to say anything to you."

"I wasn't," Crystal said with feigned casualness.

"I want open my present from Aunt Crystal," Thomas said, reaching for the present.

Patty paused for only a second before giving in. "All right, but you'll have to wait until after your cake and ice cream before you can open your other presents."

Thomas nodded and tugged open the bag holding his present. "Okay." The black plastic was no match for the seven year old, opening to reveal a race car track set. "Oh boy, thanks Aunt Crystal."

"It's from me and Laura," Crystal said, leaning over to receive the offered hug.

Thomas let go of her neck and turned to Laura. "Thanks Aunt Laura," he said. Crystal exchanged a smile with her lover as Laura bent down to accept the child's hug.

"I want to open my present now too," Jessica said, tugging open the staples and pulling pushing the plastic off the large box. "It's a Singing Suzy make-up center and jewelry box," she said, immediately opening the box. "Thank you."

"Can I play with mine now too, Mom?" Thomas asked.

"You have to put the track together first," Patty said. "And I think something like that belongs in your bedroom, not out here where everyone can trip over it. Jessica, I think you can put yours in your room as well."

Jessica continued to try and open the box. "I wanna show Grandma first. Hey Grandma!" she called in a louder voice.

"What have I told you about yelling?" Patty said just as her mother stepped out of the kitchen.

"Grandma, look what Aunt Crystal got me," the girl said excitedly, holding up the box. Thomas yelped and grabbed his race set. "Me too," he said.

Without meaning to, Crystal's eyes met her mother's and for a moment, she found herself unable to turn away from the sadness in the older woman's face. In that fraction of time, Crystal remembered a Christmas morning so many years ago when her mother had happily handed her a present. She could not remember what the gift was or where her sister or father were, but she recalled hugging her mother, being held in those arms and for that brief moment in time, feeling special. The wisp of memory faded, returning her to the present and, to her surprise, a feeling other than anger at the woman who gave her birth.

Jessica succeeded in getting her grandmother's attention, causing the women to break their eye contact. Crystal looked over to Laura, wondering if her lover could see the confusion in her face. She wanted to leave, to get away from the mix of emotions swirling within her but before the urge to flee could set in, Jessica was before her, asking Crystal to help her put her rings and necklaces into her new jewelry box. Grateful for the escape, she followed her niece down the narrow hallway to Jessica's bedroom.

"Looks like we're going to have to untangle some of these before we can put them away," Crystal said as she looked at the pile of necklaces on Jessica's dresser. "Do you need help getting that?" she asked, her back to her niece.

"No, I got it," Jessica said, setting the box on the bed and pulling out the pink plastic pieces. "Did you have a Singing Suzy make-up center when you were a girl?"

Crystal continued to focus her attention on the twisted up pile of necklaces. "No. I had a plastic tree that held my pierced earrings but I don't remember any jewelry boxes or make up things."

"Oh." The blonde haired girl continued to take the various parts of her new gift out of the box. "Aunt Crystal?"

"Hmm?"

"Why don't you like Grandma?"

Crystal's fingers stopped as the words registered. "Why do you ask that?" she asked cautiously.

"I heard Mommy and Grandma talking," Jessica said. "Grandma was crying and said you hate her."

Crystal set the necklaces down and turned around. "What did your mother say?"

The present forgotten for the moment, Jessica looked at her aunt intently. "Mommy said she didn't think you hated Grandma but that she would talk to you again and Grandma said not to because she understood why you hated her." The young girl tilted her head, the mannerism reminiscent of her mother. "What did Grandma do that you hate her, Aunt Crystal?"

"Um" Crystal scrambled to find the right words to dodge the question. "I don't think you should be eavesdropping on adult's conversations." "She said she's sorry," Jessica said. "When she was crying. She told Mommy she was very sorry."

Crystal turned away and picked up the necklaces again. "You certainly made quite a mess out of these," she said, trying not to think about what her niece was saying.

"Once, my friend Katie and I were fighting 'cause she pushed me too hard and I fell down and cut my knee and Mommy said that because Katie was sorry that I should forgive her and I did and now we're friends again. Are you gonna forgive Grandma?"

Crystal turned and looked at her. "I don't know," she said. "What happened between your grandma and I is different." Moving over to the bed, she sat down and picked up the sticker sheet that came with the make-up center. "Things between adults aren't as simple as they are between kids. Now, let's get this put together so we can get out there and get some cake and ice cream, okay?" She quickly found two pieces and connected them, hoping to distract Jessica. Looking only at the picture on the box, the young girl found the adjoining part and handed it to Crystal. "Good. See? We'll have this finished in no time."

Despite her success in getting Jessica to drop the subject, Crystal found herself unable to stop thinking about it. Sitting in the living room later, she glanced at her mother often enough that Laura noticed and gave her a questioning look. Crystal shook her head as if to say nothing was going on and stared down at her plate. For the next several minutes she concentrated on looking everywhere but at the couch where her sister and mother were sitting. She poked at the ice cream on her plate until it was nothing more than a lumpy, melted mess before setting the plate on the coffee table.

"Here, I'll get that," Patty said, rising to her feet and taking the plate. "Thomas, if you're done with yours, give me your plate, wash your hands, and then you can open the rest of your presents."

"They're clean," he protested.

"No, they're not," Patty said in that unmistakable mother tone. "Go on. Jess, yours could use some soap and water too." "I'll help clean up," Laura said as the kids took off down the hall.

Crystal thought about helping but it was clear Laura had it under control as the clutter disappeared from the coffee table and floor. She had a sense of being watched and turned her head to catch Margaret looking at her. The older woman turned away quickly but not before Crystal caught the look of sadness on her mother's face.

By the time darkness had fallen, Crystal had become progressively quiet, giving one or two word answers. She and her mother continued to sneak glances at each other, caught more often than not by Patty or Laura if not by one another. The tension was building within her and Crystal found herself struggling to control it. Questions that could only be answered by one person repeated themselves over and over in her mind, refusing to be quieted. They grew louder and louder until Crystal knew it was time to give them voice. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself for what was to come and stood up, her eyes staring directly at her mother. "I want to talk to you."

The room fell deadly silent save the electronic sounds coming from Thomas' video game. Even ten year old Jessica understood to some degree the magnitude of the moment and watched the adults intently. Patty was the first to break the silence, getting to her feet and standing protectively between her mother and sister. "Crystal, can I speak to you in the kitchen for a minute?"

Laura rose as well and stood next to Crystal. "Are you sure?" she asked in a low voice.

Crystal wanted to say no, to say she reconsidered, but it was too late. Reluctantly, she nodded. Sword or olive branch, it had been extended and now there was no taking it back. "I'm sure," she said.

"Patty," Margaret said, holding out her hand. "Help me up."

"Perhaps the kitchen would be a good place to talk," Laura suggested, casting a glance in the direction of the children. "I don't think this is a good time for this, regardless of which room it's in," Patty protested as she used both hands to help steady her mother.

Clenching her jaw to keep from snapping at her sister, Crystal pushed past her and stormed into the kitchen, smacking the heel of her hand into the swinging door. Her annoyance at Patty's overprotectiveness of their mother was quickly replaced by the nervous realization of what was about to happen.

The louvered door that separated the kitchen from the living room swung open to reveal Margaret with Patty right behind her. Standing behind Patty, a concerned Laura looked in. "I want to talk to her alone," she said when Patty followed their mother into the kitchen.

"I'm staying," Patty said firmly, guiding Margaret into the nearest chair.

"No," Crystal said. "It's between us." She moved to the far side of the table, wanting to put as much distance between her and her mother as she could.

"It's okay," Margaret said to her eldest daughter. "Go be with the children."

Crystal shrugged casually at the warning look given by her sister, rebellious defiance welling within her. Patty looked as though she was going to protest again, but finally turned and entered the living room.

Unable to make out the words, Crystal heard Laura's voice, then Patty's through the closed door. Feeling the floor shake, it took a second for her to figure out the kids were running down the hall. She made a mental note to ask her lover about it later, then turned her attention to the woman across the table from her. Taking a deep breath, she raised her eyes to meet her mother's, seeing the same sad look she had witnessed earlier. The venomous words that had longed to come forth for so many years caught in her throat, refusing to come out at the moment when they could have done the most damage. "Damn you, Doc," she muttered, turning away and walking over to the window. Part of her wanted so much to lash out, to verbally rip her mother into shreds. After all, it felt good to list off every one of her mother's failings in her therapy sessions with Jenny. What was holding her back now? "Do you know how many times I wished I had never been born?" she asked, still staring out the window. "That I never had to go through the hell that was my life?" Turning around, she leveled an accusing glare at her mother. "Did it ever occur to you all those nights you sat there sucking down that whiskey that maybe your kids needed you, even just a little?"

"Crystal, I know I failed you and your sister"

"Oh, you got that right," she said, cutting her mother off. "You know what happened to me after I ran away?"

Margaret's head dropped, her eyes glistening. "Your sister told me," she said quietly.

"Did she tell you how I had to have sex with men to get enough money to eat?" Part of her took a perverse sense of pride in her mother's visible flinch but at the same time another part felt hollow, a painful emptiness that all the hateful words in the world would not cure. Kicking the chair leg with her foot, she pushed it out enough to slump onto the vinyl cushion. "I did what I had to do," she said softly. "I couldn't go back to that hell." Folding her arms in front of her, Crystal stared down at the table. "I used to dream that someday you'd take us away from him, that you'd stop drinking and be a mother like everyone else had. One that paid attention to them, that made sure they had clean clothes for school, that made dinner for them instead of making them get it themselves." Ignoring the tightening in her chest, Crystal pushed on, gazing down at nothing. "Why?" Swallowing hard, she lifted her head to look at her mother. "Why couldn't you be like the other mothers? Why couldn't you have cared about us as much as you cared about that damn whiskey?"

Margaret pulled a tissue from inside her sleeve and dabbed her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking. "I'm sorry I married your father, that I didn't take you two girls away from him when you were babies. I'm sorry I couldn't see how much my drinking was destroying everything until it was too late." She wiped her eyes again and sniffed. "I'm sorry I wasn't the mother you should have had."

Crystal wanted to doubt the sincerity of the woman sitting across from her, to pass the trembling lips and tears as just a desperate attempt to gain her sympathy, but there was no denying the heartfelt regret and pain in her mother's voice. "So am I," she said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. "So am I," she repeated softly. Her ears picked up the sound of Laura and Patty still talking in the living room, rather heatedly if the sudden rise in volume was any indication. She tried to listen but only caught a word or two at a time before the voices quieted down. Staring at her cigarette, Crystal let seconds drag into minutes, the silence broken only by the faint ticking of the kitchen clock and the thumping of the children's feet as they came running back down the hall. She was tired. Tired of all the anger, all the tears and pain. Nothing would change the nightmare that was her childhood. It was time, if not to forgive the past, to move on with the present. Taking a shaky breath, she lifted her head and looked into her mother's shining eyes. "I can't forgive you for what happened," she said. "But I don't hate you." Standing up, she shrugged and extinguished the cigarette. "I guess I just wanted you to know that," she said, pushing the chair in. "Laura and I gotta get going now," she said, walking toward the door.

"Crystal?"

She stopped in front of the door and looked back at her mother. "What?"

Margaret pushed herself up, leaning her hands on the table for support. "Thank you," she said, letting a tear roll down her cheek. Crystal shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah well" She put her hand on the door. "I did it for me." She pushed the door open and left the kitchen before Margaret could say anything further. Jessica jumped up from her seat on the floor as Crystal entered the room. "Did you and Grandma fight?"

"No Jess, we didn't fight," Crystal said, noticing her nephew sitting in front of the television, fully engrossed in a video racing game. "We talked and right now it's getting late so Laura and I have to go home." She heard the squeak as the swinging door opened behind her. Moving aside, she watched as Patty came over to help their mother to the couch. "I'll call you tomorrow," she said as her sister passed. Patty nodded but said nothing. "Fine, whatever." Bending down, she Jessica a quick hug. "You be good, okay?"

"Okay, Aunt Crystal. When are you coming back?"

"Soon," she said. "Or you can come over to our place."

Jessica's eyes lit up. "Oh, when?"

Put on the spot, she looked up at Laura. "Uh

I don't know."

"How about next weekend?" Laura suggested. "It'll give me time to straighten everything out."

Crystal knew what her lover meant was to get all breakables up out of reach of curious children. "Yeah, next weekend is good if your mother says it's okay," she said to her niece.

Patty nodded. "As long as you behave and have that room picked up," she said.

"Can I come too?" Thomas asked, turning his attention away from the video game for a second.

"Yes, you can come too," Crystal said.

"I'll walk you to the car," Patty said. "Thomas, your games are scattered all over the place. Pick them up and put them away please." "Okay Mom."

"I'll help," Jessica added, kneeling down and picking up two of the games. Crystal turned away from the children and headed for the door, Laura and Patty right behind her.

"What?" Crystal asked as soon as they were outside.

"What did you say to her?" Patty asked.

"Um, I'll go get the Jeep warmed up," Laura offered, though it was not cold enough to warrant such an action.

"We just talked," Crystal said to Patty as Laura walked away. "Nothing you have to worry about."

"Well I do worry," Patty said. "You're my sister and she's my mother. You spent half the night giving her looks and you haven't said a kind word to her since you returned. How am I not supposed to worry?"

Crystal pulled her cigarettes out of her pocket and offered one to her sister. "You can't expect everything to be all nice-nice between us," she said, taking a cigarette for herself and lighting it. "And I'm never going to be as nice to her as you are so don't expect it."

"But?"

Inhaling deeply, Crystal took a long drag on her cigarette before answering. "But as long as she doesn't try to act like mother of the year or go on about how she cares for me, I think we can be civil to each other."

"And who knows what might happen from there," Patty said, adding her own smoke to the cloud forming above them.

"Don't push it," Crystal warned gently. "I'm sure Doc and I will have a hell of a session about this. So what did you and Laura talk about anyway?" "What else," Patty said. "You, but I'll let her tell you about it."

"Tell me."

"You tell me what you said to Mom," Patty countered, much to Crystal's annoyance. "See? So you ask your girlfriend and I'll ask Mom and then we'll both know."

"You're a real pain in the ass, you know that?" Crystal said, nudging her sister with her elbow. "You always were."

"So were you," Patty said. "Jessica is a lot like you too. You're going to have fun with her next weekend. She gets into everything." Crystal tossed her cigarette on the ground and crushed it beneath her sneaker. "I'm sure I can handle her for a few hours." "Hours? Oh no. You're taking them for the weekend."

"Uh uh, not for the weekend." Crystal shook her head. "No way."

"How about overnight?"

"Not a chance."

"So I suppose summer vacation is out of the question too, huh?" Patty teased. "Ah, no problem. Listen, I'd better let you go so you two can get home. Tell Laura I said good night, will ya?"

"Sure, see ya later." Crystal turned to leave only to find herself stopped by Patty pulling her into a hug.

"Not going to leave without giving your big sister a hug, were you?"

"You're not exactly my bigger than me anymore," Crystal said.

"Certainly not in the chest," Patty said, pulling back. "Go on, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"So what did you two talk about?" Crystal asked as she shut the car door.

"Nothing important," Laura said, putting the Jeep in gear and backing out of the driveway. "How about you and your mother?" "I think we've come to an understanding," Crystal said. "But don't expect me to go out looking for Christmas presents for her or anything." "You okay?"

Crystal stared out the window for a few seconds before answering. "Yeah, I think so." She gave a small smile when Laura squeezed her knee reassuringly. "I'll be fine, really. It's just

I dunno, draining I guess." She threaded her fingers with Laura's. "I love you."

"I love you too," Laura said, squeezing their joined hands. "Do you want to stop at the park before we go home? It's a little cool but we could take a short walk on the path if you like."

"No, I just want to go home," Crystal said, pressing her forehead against the cool glass. "Go home and curl up under a nice, thick blanket with you." "Sounds good, you know I love cuddling with you," Laura said, slowing down to turn onto the highway ramp.

"Yeah, and then you can tell me what you and Patty were talking about."

"You really want to know?" Laura said. "All right. I told her I thought she was being unfair to you and that she should let the two of you work things out between yourselves."

Crystal rolled the window down an inch or so and pulled out a cigarette. "And what did she say? I heard your voices raise a couple of times." "First she sent the kids in to get in their pajamas. I'm glad she did that because I didn't want to argue with her in front of them." "Yeah, sounds like a good idea," Crystal said. "So?"

"So first she tried to tell me that it was a family thing and I should stay out of it and I told her that when it comes to you, it is my business because I love you," Laura said. "I pointed out to Patty that where she's had ten years or so to work out her feelings about your mother that you're only now starting to deal with them and she should be more understanding."

"Oh yeah?" Crystal took a long drag on her cigarette. "Sounds like you told her, my hero." She leaned over and pressed her lips to Laura's shoulder. "I'm glad you were there with me."

"Always," Laura promised.

"Brr, did you turn the heat down before we left?" Crystal asked as they entered the townhouse. "It is almost November, you know." "You make it sound as though we live in Northern Canada," Laura said as Crystal turned the thermostat up a few degrees. "It can't be below fifty out there."

"It's still cold," Crystal grumbled good-naturedly as she took off her jacket and, with Laura's, put them in the closet. Their sneakers were next, this time put neatly on the mat next to the door.

"Well, I can suggest something to keep us warm," Laura said, slipping her arms around Crystal's waist.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" Crystal asked, leaning back against her lover's warm body.

"I was thinking about us, naked," Laura lowered her voice to a husky trill. "A steamy bath with lots of bubbles. We haven't taken a bath or shower together yet. It might be fun." Nuzzling Crystal's ear, she inhaled the scent of shampoo and smoke. "It'll relax you."

Crystal gave a playful snort. "I don't think relaxing is what you have in mind."

"You're right," Laura whispered, her roaming hands moving slowly up Crystal's ribcage. Reaching the top button, she slowly opened it. "You, me.." Another button opened, revealing a hint of lace. "Hot soapy water that makes everything nice and slippery." A few quick tugs and Crystal's shirt was free, the remaining buttons opening with ease. "Relaxing is not what I have in mind at all." Her fingers reached for the back hooks of the bra while her lips search out Crystal's.

That was all the encouragement needed to get Crystal to follow her up the stairs and into the bathroom. After flipping the lever to plug the tub, Laura turned on the hot and cold taps, adjusting the flow until she had it at just the right temperature. "Do you want bubbles?" she asked. "Sure, if you do," Crystal said, standing in the middle of the bathroom, still fully clothed.

Laura shut the water off and stood up. "Hey," she said, gently wrapping her arms around Crystal's waist. "Need some help?" She was answered with Crystal's lips seeking out hers. Taking it as a yes, she deepened the kiss, her hands pushing the shirt off Crystal's shoulders. Before she could try to fold it, however, it was taken from her hands and tossed against the door, the bra with it.

"Not a chance," Crystal murmured against her lips, her hands moving between their bodies and slipping under the thick sweatshirt.

Laura shuddered as playful fingers walked up her torso and danced over her bra covered breasts. "Keep that up and we'll never make it into the tub," she said, stepping back to shrug off her top and bra. She smiled indulgently when Crystal took them from her to add to the growing pile by the door. "I can't believe I let you do that," she said, pulling Crystal close.

"Next thing you know you'll be leaving dishes in the sink overnight," Crystal said.

"Never," Laura vowed, groaning softly at the warm feeling of her lover's body against hers. "It's getting hot in here," she said in a husky whisper. "I know," Crystal said, their eyes locking as her hands slipped behind Laura's neck. "The mirror's all fogged up."

"Oh, is that how you can tell?" Laura asked, her playful smile matching her lover's. Hooking her fingers inside the waistband of Crystal's jeans, she smoothly undid the button and lowered the zipper. "Think it's because of the hot water?"

"No," Crystal said.

Laura pushed the jeans over Crystal's hips. "Think it's because you turned up the heat when we came in?"

"No."

"Hmm," Laura gave a thoughtful look as she gently guided Crystal to lean against the wall. "Well," she said as she knelt down and worked the jeans off first one leg, then the other. "It must be because we're half naked and about to make love."

Crystal smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that must be it."

Unable to resist the smooth thighs inches away from her face, Laura leaned forward and kissed the creamy skin. "You're so beautiful," she said, her hands rubbing up and down Crystal's legs.

"Now who's keeping us from getting in the tub?" Crystal asked, her chest rising and falling noticeably

Pleased with the effect her touch was having, Laura gave a self satisfied smile and finished her task, standing only after she had Crystal completely naked. Pressing their bodies together, Laura gave her a long and passionate kiss. "Would you start the water again and add the bubble bath?"

"Sure," Crystal said unknowingly, immediately turning her back to Laura and bending over to reach the faucet controls. "Nice view," Laura said, pushing her remaining clothes off. "You know, if you stay just like that"

Crystal gripped thee.g.of the tub and groaned at the suggestion. "I can't believe how easy it is for you to make me feel like this."

"You have the same effect on me," Laura said, moving directly behind Crystal and running her hands lightly over the bent woman's back. "Sometimes you look at me and I'm ready, if you know what I mean." She heard and felt Crystal laugh with understanding. "Seriously, though," she said, gently pulling Crystal up and turning her so they were face to face. "It's more than just something physical." She paused to brush their lips together while her fingers caressed Crystal's upper back.. "When you look at me, I can feel your love deep inside."

Crystal smiled shyly. "Are you going to start sweet talking me again?"

"If you want me to," Laura said as she pulled back the curtain. "Or we can get in the tub and I can show you."

"Doesn't seem like a lot of water," Crystal said as they helped each other in.

"Don't worry about it," Laura said as she sat down and moved as far back as she could. "There's two of us in here. Trust me, there's plenty of water." Their bodies bumped together cozily as they made room for arms and legs. Wrapping her arms around Crystal's torso, she pulled her lover close and kissed her shoulder. "Love you."

"Mm, I love you too," Crystal said, her hands moving up and down Laura's thighs. "I've never done this before. Taking a bath with someone, I mean. Well, except Patty when were little but that doesn't count."

"No it doesn't," Laura agreed, moving her thumbs in a lazy arc over the soapy underside of Crystal's breasts. "I forgot to tell you there are certain advantages to being the one in the back."

"So I see," Crystal said, reclining so the back of her head was resting against Laura's shoulder. "Then again, being in front has its advantages too." Scooping up piles of bubbles in her hands, Laura playfully covered Crystal's breasts. "Nice," she whispered, feeling the hardened nipples pressing into her palms. "I can see us gong through lots of bubble bath."

"That feels nice," Crystal murmured. Her eyes were closed and a soft smile played across her lips. "Obviously this isn't your first time in a tub." Laura smiled. "It's not like I've had an endless stream of women coming in an out," she said. "But let's just say I know what I'm doing." "I have no complaints," Crystal said.

"Uh huh," Laura said dubiously, brushing her thumbs back and forth over the erect nipples. "That's not what you said last night. If I remember correctly, you called me a bitch."

"You were teasing me," Crystal pointed out. "If you waited much longer, I would have reached down and done it myself." Laura laughed, remembering how she had been in a playful mood and tested her lover's patience, among other things. "But you have to admit it was worth the wait. I have no interest in rushing things tonight either," she warned. Crystal groaned and arched into her touch, causing the water to lap against their bodies. "Nice and slow," Laura said in a seductive tone, moving her hands down Crystal's body until they dipped beneath the water, then bringing them up again to recapture the heaving breasts. "Nice and slow," she repeated in a husky whisper before lightly running her tongue over the outer shell of Crystal's ear.

"You're gonna drive me crazy," Crystal said as Laura's busy fingers tweaked and squeezed her nipples.

"See how helpful soap is?" Laura asked, her fingers slipping off before her pinches could be painful. "Maybe I should just stay up here for a while." Spreading out her fingers, she cupped Crystal's breasts and squeezed. "Making sure they're clean," she said by way of explanation. "I was wrong," Crystal said, looking up at Laura. "You're not a bitch. You're a royal bitch."

"A royal bitch who loves you," Laura said, moving her hands beneath the water again, this time reaching the crease of her lover's legs and lightly swirling through the patch of blonde curls. "I could spend all day touching you," she confessed, enjoying the way Crystal's hips rose in response to her wandering hands. Seeing the thick bubbles clinging to the full breasts, Laura felt the urge to revisit them but when she started to bring her hands up she found her wrists held in a tight grip.

"That's it," Crystal growled, twisting around until they were facing each other. Before Laura could react she found herself pinned against the back of the tub. "You think you're the only one that can tease?" she was asked while an insistent thigh pressed between her legs. "Remember, I was a stripper," Crystal continued, tracing the outere.g.of Laura's right aureole with a wet fingertip. "When it comes to teasing, I'm an expert."

"You feel so good," Laura sighed, happily surrendering to whatever her lover had in mind.

"I think I like this tub idea," Crystal said, sliding down to rub her cheek against Laura's breast.

"I'm glad," Laura said, wrapping her arms around Crystal and holding her close.

"It's awkward as hell," Crystal said as she tried to squirm her hand between their bodies. "We need a bigger tub for this." "Not really," Laura said, shifting to give her lover more room. "We just need to learn new positions."

"Before or after I drown?" Crystal asked, sliding down and brushing her lips over Laura's soft belly, her fingers idly playing over the writer's breasts. "Maybe a bath wasn't such a goodi.e.after all," Laura said, reaching down and pulling Crystal up for a kiss.

"Why?" Crystal asked with feigned innocence, her fingers gently squeezing Laura's nipples. "Is there something you wanted?" "Yes, something you do so very well," Laura said.

"I thought you said all we needed to do was learn new positions?" Crystal countered, her left hand moving between their bodies and slipping beneath the water.

"I don't think there's a position to do what I want you to do that would be comfortable for either of us in here," Laura said, lifting her knee to give her lover more access. She gasped when Crystal's fingers found their mark.

"Think we're clean enough?" Crystal asked, her fingers gently stroking back and forth over Laura's most sensitive spot. "Oh yes," Laura hissed, her head falling back against the wall and her eyes closing as her hips moved of their own volition. "Want to get out?" Crystal asked, moving her teasing fingers down until they were just outside the entrance to Laura's womanhood. "I want ooh" Laura began, her hips surging forward as gentle fingers filled her up. "Oh god, don't stop, Love, please don't stop." The fire raged higher, spiraling upward until Laura felt the throbbing pulses begin. At that moment of absolute vulnerability, she blindly reached forward and pulled Crystal's mouth to hers. Crystal held on, pressing deep and hard, doing her best to prolong her lover's pleasure. There was no outer world, no family or friends. All that existed was the sharing of hearts and souls, declarations of love and devotion spoken with their bodies instead of their voices. When she finally tried to speak, it came out as a squeak and Laura had to swallow and try again. "I can't move," she said. "Not ever."

Crystal smiled with self-satisfaction and ran her finger along Laura's collarbone. "Kinda like what you do to me, eh?"

"That's different," Laura huffed, her breathing still not back to normal. "You can usually function afterwards. I can't move a muscle." "Then we'll just have to stay here," Crystal said, her smile now a grin.

Laura looked at her and frowned. "You are entirely too pleased with yourself," she said, pulling Crystal in for a kiss. "I love you." "I love you too," Crystal said, snuggling down so her head rested in the crook of Laura's neck.

Endless minutes passed as they held each other in the cooling water until Laura shuddered and goosebumps appeared on her forearms. "The water's getting cold," she said quietly.

"Is it always going to be like this?" Crystal murmured, not lifting her head from its soft pillow.

"You mean am I always going to respond to you like this?" Laura asked.

Crystal shook her head. "I mean" She paused, unsure how to put her thoughts into words. "Will you always feel about me the way you do now?"

Ignoring the cold for a moment, Laura reached down and cupped Crystal's chin. "I can't imagine not feeling this way about you," she said softly. "You mean everything to me and the thought of you not being here hurts too much to think about. I love you, Crystal. I know it sounds selfish but I want all you can give and then some. I want to be the only one you touch in love and the only one that touches you. I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning and the last before I go to sleep. I want to hold you when you cry and laugh with you when you're happy. I want to be your white knight when you need protection and your helpless damsel when you need to be the one doing the protecting. I don't want just a relationship with you," she said, moving her fingers to trace Crystal's lips. "I want a life with you." At first alarmed when she saw tears welling up in her lover's eyes, Laura quickly realized they were tears of happiness and hugged Crystal even closer. "I love you," she said, kissing the top the blonde head. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you too," Crystal said, sniffling as she brought herself back under control. She gently smacked Laura's arm.

"Hey, what was that for?" Laura asked with mock indignation.

"You know what your sweet talking does to me," Crystal said, causing Laura to chuckle.

"Serves you right for making me as limp as a washcloth," Laura said. She felt Crystal's lips on her neck, the soft tongue slipping out to taste her. She groaned, knowing she could no more resist her lover's touch than she could resist breathing. "There's a nice warm bed right in the next room," she tried.

"Uh huh," Crystal mumbled, moving down to capture Laura's left breast with her mouth while her fingers kept the other breast company. "Crystal," Laura sighed, her legs automatically parting despite her wish to move the action to another venue.

"You really wanna waste time with the towels?" Crystal asked around a mouthful of flesh.

"No," Laura agreed, caring little at the moment about how wet the sheets would get.

"So what's stopping you?" Crystal teased, her teeth lightly scraping the tender peak.

"Now who's being the bitch?" Laura asked, her fingers lightly stroking her lover's back. "You're going to be the death of me." "Not before we get out of here and under the covers," Crystal said as she stood up, the bubbles sliding down her wet body. "It's cold in here." Laura laughed and reached out for Crystal's hand, knowing sleep would not come for quite a while.

"Are you sure this is the kind that doesn't lose its needles?" Laura asked as they muscled the large tree through the front door. "How would I know?" Crystal said. "Hang on, I have to turn here."

"Are you sure that stand is big enough? I don't want it to tip over."

"It's not going to tip over and the stand is big enough," Crystal huffed as she backed into the corner they had designated for the Christmas tree. "How much time do we have before we have to leave to get to the airport?"

"Aunt Helen's plane is due in at four thirty," Laura said. "You're almost to the wall."

"I know, hang on, I'm going to put it in the stand and hold it there while you keep coming and stand it up. Then I'll tighten down the screws and we should be all set," Crystal said as she slowly crouched down. "You think we can get this thing decorated in the next two hours?"

"I hope so, otherwise we're going to get Aunt Helen's unsolicited help," Laura said. "You all right down there?"

"Yeah, just keep coming forward slowly," Crystal said. "I still say the lights have to twinkle. Otherwise why bother having them?" "Multi-colored twinkle lights," Laura said disapprovingly. "Why not put a lighted Santa and snowmen on the lawn?"

"I like lighted Santas," Crystal protested. "Okay, hold it still now. I'm gonna tighten it down."

"They're tacky and commercial," Laura said.

"It's festive, you Scrooge." Crystal said as she backed out from under the tree and stood up. "There, you can let go now." She stood up and hooked her arm around Laura's waist. "Our first Christmas tree."

"It looks bigger than it did at the tree farm," Laura said.

"Is that bigger good or bigger bad?" Crystal asked. "You said I could pick it out and I thought this was a good size."

"It is a good size," Laura said reassuringly. "I just don't know if we have enough decorations to cover it. Mother only gave me two boxes of ornaments and lights."

"I can't believe you never bothered to put up a tree before," Crystal said, resting her head on Laura's upper chest.

"When I was with Jenny, we were always spending the day at one relative's house or another. It just didn't make any sense to put up a tree when we weren't going to be here." Laura stepped back and opened one of the boxes sitting on the coffee table. "Of course we're not going to be here most of the day either." She scrutinized the tree. "How can you tell if it's the kind that loses its needles?"

"When a bunch of them show up on the carpet?" Crystal offered. "I dunno, call someone and ask."

"Peter would know," Laura said. "Wait until you see what he does for Christmas."

"Michael said you can see their house from space," Crystal said as she took the string of lights from Laura. "How many of these do we have?"

Laura looked through the box. "There's two more like this and one string of the bigger white bulbs. The other box is garland, tinsel and the rest of the ornaments."

"We need more lights," Crystal said matter-of-factly as she arranged the string over the lower boughs. "Maybe we can go shopping after we drop Helen off?" she asked hopefully. Laura gave her that indulgent smile that Crystal knew meant she'd won. "Great. I promise not to go overboard." "Your definition of overboard and my definition of overboard are two different things, I'm sure," Laura said as she untangled a string of lights. "Shouldn't we plug these in first to see if they work?"

"Naw, that would make too much sense," Crystal said, bending down to put the plug into the outlet. Red, green, blue and orange lights shined brightly against the rich green branches. "This one works." She unplugged it and reached to take the one Laura was holding. "This one works too but they're not blinking."

"It's not the end of the world," Laura said as they continued to check the strings. "Besides, I think you have to leave them plugged in for a few minutes to warm up before they start flashing." She bent down and wrapped her arms around Crystal's shoulders. "And if they don't blink we can buy new ones that do."

"I'm being a baby about this, huh?"

"Just a little," Laura said with a smile. "But it's all right. I think it's cute." She kissed the tip of Crystal's nose, then stood up. "To be honest, I haven't been this excited about Christmas in years. The tree was a good idea."

Crystal stood as well, connecting the end of one string of lights to the beginning of another. "You realize this will be the first year since I was a kid that I won't be drunk on Christmas?"

"Or stoned," Laura added.

"You noticed that, did you?" She looked down at the light string in her hands, unaware of the smile that played on her lips. "You didn't say anything."

"You didn't say anything either," the dark haired woman said. "At first I wasn't sure if you had stopped or just run out. I don't think you've had any in at least two weeks."

"Twenty days," Crystal said. "And I didn't run out. I just well" She shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno."

"I'm certainly not complaining," Laura said.

"I was hoping you'd notice without me having to tell you," she admitted, smiling when she felt Laura's arms go around her. "I did notice," Laura said. "When it comes to you, I always notice."

"Don't you start sweet talking me again," she warned lightly. "Or we'll never get this tree done." Patting Laura's hands, she said "Let me go so we can finish this and then we can go to bed." Once free of the loving embrace, she looped the light set around the tree. "There. It probably won't be as good as your mother's or Peter's but it'll be okay."

"It doesn't have to be as good as Mother's or Peter's," Laura said. "It's not a competition."

"I thought you said it wasn't a competition," Crystal said from her reclined position on the couch.

"It's not," Laura said as she moved the purple ornament again.

"Then why were you up all night?"

"Because the tree isn't symmetrical," Laura said, stepping back. "See? There's still too much green over in this area."

"I know and too much red near the top," Crystal sighed, having listened to her lover point out every imperfection with their tree since she woke up and found her downstairs. "Who cares?"

Laura carefully removed a green ball and set it in the box. "Now you know the real reason Jenny and I never had a tree." "You obsess too much, you know that?" Crystal grumbled as she sat up and stretched. "No one's going to notice."

"I'm almost done," Laura said. "I just need to move some of the tinsel over to this side and even out the ornaments. I don't think this is the good kind of tree, either. I found several needles on the floor."

"What do you expect with the way you've been moving everything around?" Crystal said. "I know that bottom string of lights aren't where I put them yesterday."

"They were too low," Laura explained as she hooked a hanger over the branch and attached the glass ornament. "Besides, it looks better now." "Next year you're doing the tree by yourself," Crystal said as she rose and padded out to the kitchen. "Don't think I didn't hear you and your mother talking about the

" She made quote marks with her fingers "perfect tree. You want some coffee?"

"That sounds good, thanks," Laura said, putting the last piece of tinsel in its place and plugged in the lights. "There. Perfect," she said proudly as she stepped back to inspect her handiwork.

Crystal came out from the kitchen carrying two mugs of coffee. "It looks very nice," she said, though she saw nothing wrong with the way the tree looked last night. "Nice and ah."

"See how there's an equal amount of color all the way around?" Laura said proudly as she took the offered mug. "It's symmetrical and aesthetically pleasing to the eye."

"It's beautiful," Crystal said. "The best tree I ever saw."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

Taking Laura's coffee from her, Crystal set both mugs down on the coffee table and pulled her lover into a gentle embrace. "It's our first tree. How could it be anything less than the best?"

"You realize you're letting me get away with being overly compulsive," Laura pointed out.

"I know," Crystal admitted. "But it's a nice tree and obviously it made you happy to stay up all night working on it."

"It did," Laura said, brushing their lips together. "I'm glad you talked me into getting a tree this year."

"I'm glad I did too," Crystal said, enjoying the feel of their bodies pressed together. "We'll have to make it an annual tradition." "I think we already have," Laura said. "I love you."

"I love you too," Crystal said, squeezing tightly. "Thanks for my gift."

Confused, Laura pulled back and looked at her. "But Christmas isn't for two days and I hid your present at Jenny's. How do you know what it is?"

Putting her arms around Laura's neck and bringing her close, Crystal said "I didn't mean that gift but thanks for telling me so I can stop looking around here."

"Then what do you mean?"

"This gift," she said, kissing Laura's chin. "You. Your love. Six months ago I was just existing and now" She tightened her hold. "Now I feel for the first time like I'm living."

"All I did was support you," Laura said softly. "Any changes or successes you've had are because of you, not me." She smiled. "I was just going through the motions before you moved in and turned everything upside down. Into my quiet, organized little world comes this blonde hellion who, despite my best efforts, stole my heart. I'm just lucky enough to have you fall for me as hard as I fell for you."

Crystal sighed happily and rested her head on Laura's chest, the brightly decorated tree filling her vision. "I guess we're both lucky then. I love you." "I love you too," Laura said. "Always." And together they stood under the twinkling lights of their first Christmas tree, knowing there were struggles to be faced, problems to be had but through it all, they would face it together.

Always.