Every Boy's Got One

e-mails

To: Holly Caputo

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Where is he?

Holly, is Mark with you?

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Holly Caputo

Re: Where is he?

Oh my God, Jane. Where are you? Why are you e-ing me? I’m still awake. Why don’t you come talk to me in person? I’m in our room. It’s OK, Mark’s still downstairs.

Holly

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To: Holly Caputo

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Where is he?

Is Cal with him? Mark, I mean?

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Holly Caputo

Re: Where is he?

How should I know? I told you, I’m in my room. I came up to bed because I’m exhausted. What is WRONG with you? Where ARE you? Why are you acting so weird all of a sudden?

Holly

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To: Holly Caputo

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Where is he?

Nothing’s wrong. I’m on my way to bed too. I’m in a downstairs closet. I just don’t want to run into Cal. Go back to sleep. Sorry if I woke you up.

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Holly Caputo

Re: Where is he?

Right. Like I’ll be able to go back to sleep NOW. Janie, WHY are you in a downstairs closet? And WHY don’t you want to run into Cal? Tell me now, or I’m coming down there and ripping that closet door open.

Holly

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To: Holly Caputo

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Where is he?

It’s NOTHING, okay? After you went up to bed, and Mark went to see if he could find another bottle of scotch after we polished off the last one, Cal said he wanted to have a word with me alone before bed. That’s all. Now I am hiding in the closet because I don’t want to have a word with him. OK? Are you satisfied?

J

PS If you figure out where he is, let me know, and if he’s far from the stairs, I’ll make a run for my room. Then I can turn out all the lights and pretend to be asleep if he knocks.

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Holly Caputo

Re: Where is he?

Janie, don’t be such a freak! He LIKES you. He MUST. Why else would he want to see you alone? He probably wants to… you know.

And why not? You’re both on vacation, you’re both attractive, you’re both single… why WOULDN’T you hook up?

Holly

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To: Holly Caputo

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Where is he?

Um, why WOULD we? He is a modelizer, lest you forget.

And believe me, sex is NOT what he wants from me.

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Holly Caputo

Re: Where is he?

Then what is it? What on earth do you think he wants to talk to you about?

Holly

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To: Holly Caputo

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: What on earth I think he wants to talk to me about

Oh, you might be surprised.

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Holly Caputo

Re: What on earth I think he wants to talk to me about

Janie, you really have to get over this absurd prejudice you have about Cal. Mark and I were talking about it earlier, when you were doing the dishes, and Cal was cleaning the grill. You two actually have a lot in common. I mean, you both come from small towns. You both are extremely successful, and you both built up your careers from basically nothing. You’re both attractive and creative. And you’re both friends with us! You two would make an AWESOME couple. Just give him a chance. I know he’s not up to your usual standards—seeing as how he has a job and is over twenty-five—but he might surprise you.

Holly

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To: Holly Caputo

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: What on earth I think he wants to talk to me about

Excuse me, but did you just use the word AWESOME?

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Holly Caputo

Re: What on earth I think he wants to talk to me about

Stop being so silly. Come out of the closet. See what he wants!

Holly

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To: Holly Caputo

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: What he wants

Believe me, I know. And it is so not going to happen. Trust me on this, H. It’s in your own best interest.

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Holly Caputo

Re: What he wants

Well, I think you’re being completely ridiculous. And I’m not having this conversation anymore. I’m going to get some sleep. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow—you promised you’d go into Castelfidardo with us to petition for the marriage license and pick the day for the ceremony. I don’t know about you, but I want to look good for the mayor’s office. Good night.

Holly

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To: Holly Caputo

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: What he wants

Fine, go to sleep. Traitor. I’m doing this for your own good, you know.

Well, no, I guess you don’t.

And believe me, I intend to keep it that way!

Buona sera.

J