Every Boy's Got One

e-mails

To: Jane Harris

Fr: Claire Harris

Re: You

Oh, sweetie, that’s horrible news about poor Holly! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, but Daddy dropped a picture frame on his big toe so we were just at Promptcare getting it X-rayed. Not broken, thank God, but a bad bruise. I sent him to bed with a bowl of Breyers.

I do hope you’re able to work something out for Holly. It would be such a shame for she and Mark— well, all of you, really—to have gone all that way and then not be able to have your little elopement. I feel just terrible.

But, even if they can’t get married, you can still have a nice vacation, can’t you? What is Holly’s uncle’s house like? Is it pretty? Do the windows lock? Because you know I just saw on the news that in a lot of those oceanside communities, people leave the windows open at night to let in the sea breezes, and it’s like an invitation to thieves and rapists! They just slip in on through the windows and take whatever they want! I hope you’re making sure all the windows are locked at night.

And I hope you’re not being too mean to that handsome Cal Langdon. You’re a very vibrant and pretty girl, Janie, and you know men can’t help falling in love with you. Remember how many of them asked you to the senior prom? Well, it’s true a lot of them were freshman boys who couldn’t have taken you anyway….

But the way they mooned around the house, asking Daddy if they could mow the lawn, when we knew perfectly well they just wanted a glimpse of you. Keep in mind that some of those boys you wouldn’t give the time of day to went on to have very good jobs at Pfizer.

And Helen Shipley told me her son Curt makes six figures in the cruise ship industry!

Why you keep insisting Curt is one of those bisexuals, I can’t imagine. Helen says it simply isn’t true. Curt’s not married yet because he just hasn’t met the right girl, according to Helen. Probably YOU were the right girl, and he’s just waiting for you to get in touch.

Also, according to Charlie Rose, Mr. Langdon got a VERY nice advance for that little book he wrote. That’s not something you ought to turn up your nose at, you know. Wondercat is darling, but it won’t always be as popular as it is now. You need to think about your future, you know, Janie.

Love,

Mom

PS Daddy says to tell you it looks as if that cartoon about the flying serving utensils has been canceled. That might open up a slot for the Wondercat animated series, don’t you think?

___________________________________________

To: Listserv

Fr: Peter Schumacher

Re: JANE HARRIS

SUCCESS!!! My grandmother has arranged it all! The friends of JANE HARRIS will be married Wednesday morning at nine o’clock, before the mayor had to go and coach the American football game at the primary school, where he is also the athletic director when he is not being mayor.

But they must get the stamp from the consulate of the US before they can be married. So tomorrow they will go to Rome to receive it.

All is done, and by my grandmother! Everyone was much excited! Except for the secretario and the mayor.

But best of all—

JANE HARRIS KISSED ME!!!! YES!!!! To say thank you for making it so that her friends can have their marriage!!!

Never will I wash this face again.

That is all for now. I am Peter Schumacher, #1 fan of Wundercat, saying

TSCHUSS!

Wundercat Lives—4eva!

Peter

___________________________________________

GE. SP. AL. S.N.C

Viale Europa 44

Porto Recanati (MC)

GROCERY

EURO

PelliCola Co

0,50

6 Minibiscot

2,50

Olive Bella

2,50

Kinder Sorpr

1,80

Birra Peroni, 24

12,76

Insalata Rom

0,66

Tomato Ketch

2,23

Uva Italia P

1,95

The Twinings

1,90

Insalata Tro

0,41

Puro Succo

1,33

Naionese Cal

1,22

Latte Fr.A.Q.

1,37

Insalata Gen

0,38

Latte Fr. Int

1,30

Oro Duepic’c

2,34

637 Pom.Ross

1,90

Banco Taglio

1,01

Oro Piu’caca

1,53

Olive verdi

0,78

Bisc. Conad G

0,89

Pane Dolci I

0,55

Pomodori Pel

0,55

Doricream

0,65

Mais Pop Cor

0,60

Banco Taglio

27,21

Caffe Classi

2,09

Caffe Classi

2,09

Arance Taroc

2,55

TOTALE

77,55

Contanti

100,00

Resto

22,45

N.Pezzi 50

Oper: 10

Cassa 1 1

Regalo Bollini: 15

Codice: Bollini

Arrivederci e Grazie!

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

La Cantinetta

Enoteca

Ricrea di Morresi G. & C.

SNC Viale Europa 36

Porto Recanati

EURO

Vino 1 8,66

Vino 1 7,80

Vino 1 7,40

Vino 1 5,40

Vino 1 7,00

Vino 1 9,00

Vino 1 9,00

Vino 1 6,50

Vino 1 6,50

Vino 1 5,00

Vino 1 5,00

Vino 1 10,20

Vino 1 9,00

Vino 1 14,00

TOTALE 110,46

Grazie!

___________________________________________