Gabriel's Redemption

Chapter Three

You can’t present this.” Gabriel strode into the study the following afternoon, clutching a printout of Julia’s lecture.

She looked up from her laptop in horror. “Why not?”

“You’re wrong.” He set the pages down and pulled off his glasses, tossing them on top of her desk. “St. Francis comes for the soul of Guido da Montefeltro after he dies. We discussed this. You agreed with me.”

Julia crossed her arms defensively.

“I changed my mind.”

“But it’s the only interpretation that makes sense!”

She swallowed hard, shaking her head.

He began to pace in front of her desk.

“We talked about this in Belize. I sent you an illustration of the scene while we were separated, for God’s sake! Now you’re going to stand in front of a room full of people and say that it never happened?”

“If you’d read my footnotes, you’d—”

He stopped pacing and turned to face her.

“I read the footnotes. None of those sources go as far as you. You’re merely speculating.”

“Merely?” Julia pushed back from her desk. “I found several reputable sources that agree with most of what I say. Professor Marinelli liked my paper.”

“She’s too easy on you.”

Julia’s mouth dropped open. “Too easy? And I suppose you think that Professor Picton invited me to the conference merely out of charity?”

Gabriel’s expression softened. “Of course not. She thinks well of you. But I don’t want you to get up in front of a crowd of senior professors and offer a naïve interpretation. If you’d read my book, you’d—”

“I read your book, Professor Emerson. You only mention the text I’m analyzing in passing. And you naïvely adopt the standard interpretation, without reflecting on whether you should.”

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed.

“I accept the interpretation that makes sense.” His tone was glacial. “I never naïvely adopt anything.”

Julia stood, huffing in frustration.

“Don’t you want me to have my own ideas? Or do you think I have to repeat what everyone else has already said just because I’m a lowly grad student?”

Gabriel’s face reddened. “I never said that. I was a grad student once, too, if you’ll recall. But I’m not anymore. You could benefit from my experience.”

“Oh, here we go.” Julia threw up her hands in disgust and walked out of the study.

Gabriel followed.

“What do you mean, here we go?”

She didn’t bother turning around.

“You’re just upset that I’m going to disagree with you in public.”

“Bullshit.”

“Bullshit?” She turned around. “Then why are you telling me to change my paper so I fall in line with your book?”

He placed a hand on her arm. “I’m not trying to get you to fall in line. I’m trying to help so that you won’t make a fool—” He stopped abruptly.

“What was that?” She shook off his hand.

“Nothing.”

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

When he opened his eyes, he appeared calmer. “If you start now, you should be able to rewrite your paper in time for the conference. I can help.”

“I don’t want your help. And I can’t change my thesis. They’ve already published the abstract on the conference website.”

“I’ll call Katherine.” He gave her an encouraging smile. “She’ll understand.”

“No, you won’t. I’m not changing it.”

Gabriel’s lips pressed together into a thin line.

“This is not the time to be stubborn.”

“Oh, yes, it is. It’s my paper!”

“Julianne, listen—”

“You’re worried I’ll make a fool of myself. And embarrass you.”

“I didn’t say that.”

She gave him a look that was wounded if not betrayed. “You just did.”

She stalked into the bedroom, attempting to close the door behind her. His hand shot out, stopping the door.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to get away from you.”

“Julianne, stop.” He gazed around helplessly. “We can talk about this.”

“No, we can’t.” She jabbed a finger into his chest. “I’m not your student anymore. I’m allowed to have my own ideas.”

“That isn’t what I was saying at all.”

She ignored him and walked toward the bathroom.

“Julianne, damn it. Stop!” he bellowed from the doorway.

She whirled around.

“Don’t yell at me!”

He held his hands up in an expression of surrender and drew a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. Let’s sit down and talk.”

“I can’t talk to you right now without saying something I’ll regret. And you obviously need to cool down.”

“Where are you going?”

“To the bathroom. I’m locking the door and I’m going to avoid you for the rest of the day. If you don’t leave me alone, I’m going to my dad’s.”

Gabriel winced. She hadn’t stayed with her father since before they were married.

“How would you get there?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave you without a car. I’ll call a cab.”

“There aren’t any cabs in town. You’ll have to call one in Sunbury.”

Julia glared. “I know that, Gabriel. I used to live here, remember? You must really think I’m an idiot.”

She walked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Gabriel heard the lock click into place.

He paused for a moment before knocking on the door. “Rachel, Aaron, and Richard are arriving soon. What will I tell them?”

“Tell them I’m an idiot. Obviously.”

“Julianne, just listen to me. Please.”

He heard water running from behind the door.

“Fine!” He shouted. “Avoid me. Our first fight and you lock yourself in the God damned bathroom.” He smacked his palm against the door.

Abruptly, the water shut off.

She raised her voice in order to be heard. “My first public lecture and you tell me it’s shit. And not because it is, but because I didn’t agree with you and your own God damned book!”

After a lengthy hot bath, Julia emerged. The bedroom was empty.

She dressed quickly before entering the hall. She padded over to the staircase, listening.

Satisfied that the house was empty, she walked to the study and closed the door. Then she sat behind her desk, turned on some soft jazz as background noise, and returned to her paper.

“Where’s Julia?” Rachel hugged her brother before rolling her small suitcase and that of her husband, Aaron, into the living room. Her tall and willowy form was clad in a pair of khaki pants and a V-necked white T-shirt. Her long blond hair hung straight and perfect, pushed back from her attractive face by large black sunglasses. She looked like she could have starred in a Gap ad.

Gabriel’s expression tightened.

“She’s working on her paper.”

“Did you tell her we arrived?” Rachel moved to the foot of the stairs. “Jules! Get your ass down here!”

“Rachel, please,” her father said reprovingly before greeting Gabriel with a hug.

Richard stood an inch or two shorter than his son and had light hair and gray eyes. He was quiet and serious, and his intelligence and kindness engendered respect in all who knew him.

When there was no movement upstairs, Rachel turned to her brother, gray eyes narrowed.

“Why is she hiding?”

Gabriel shook Aaron’s hand in greeting. “She isn’t. She probably didn’t hear you.

“Your rooms are ready and there are fresh towels in the guest bathroom. Dad, you’re welcome to stay in your old room.”

“I’ll be fine in the guest room.” Richard picked up his bag and began climbing the stairs.

“Are you and Julia fighting?” Rachel gave Gabriel a suspicious look.

He pressed his lips together. “You can say hello when you go upstairs. Then we’ll meet for drinks on the back porch. I’m barbecuing ribs for dinner.”

“Ribs? Fantastic.” Aaron clapped an appreciative hand to Gabriel’s back. “I was going to stop to pick up some Corona before we arrived, but Rachel wanted to come straight to the house. I’ll be back in a few.”

He picked up his car keys and was about to head to the door when his wife stopped him. She shook her head.

Gabriel watched the exchange between Rachel and Aaron and decided that was his opportunity to excuse himself.

“See you on the patio in a few minutes.” He walked toward the kitchen.

Rachel shook her head at her husband. “They’re fighting. I’ll go talk to Jules and you talk to Gabriel. Then you can pick up the Corona.”

“What could they be fighting about?” Aaron ran a hand through his dark curly hair.

“Who knows? Maybe Julia rearranged his collection of bow ties without asking him.”

“Hey.” Rachel opened the door to her father’s former study.

Julia greeted her best friend with a wide smile. “Rach! Hi.”

The two women embraced and Rachel settled herself in one of the comfortable chairs by the window.

“How’s it going?”

“Fine.”

“So what’s up with you and Gabriel?”

“Nothing.”

“You lie like a carpet.”

Julia turned away. “What makes you think something is up?”

“Gabriel is downstairs looking unhappy and you’re up here looking unhappy. There’s tension in the house. I don’t need to be a psychic to pick up on it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Men are jerks.”

“I can’t argue with that.” Julia collapsed in the chair opposite her best friend, flinging her legs over the arm.

“I fight with Aaron, sometimes. He’ll get mad and take off for a couple of hours, but he always comes back.” Rachel looked at her friend carefully. “Do you want me to go and beat Gabriel up?”

“No. But you’re right. We’re fighting.”

“What happened?”

“I made the mistake of letting him read the lecture I’m working on. He told me it’s terrible.”

“He said that?” Rachel sat up in her chair, her voice raised.

“Not in so many words.”

“What’s wrong with him? I would have thrown something at his head.”

Julia grinned wryly. “I thought about it, but I didn’t want to have to clean up the blood.”

Rachel laughed.

“Why does he think your paper is terrible?”

“He thinks I’m wrong. He said he was trying to help.”

“Sounds like Gabriel is trying to control your paper like he tries to control everything else. I thought he was in therapy for that.”

Julia was quiet for a moment.

“I don’t want him to lie to me just to spare my feelings. If the paper needs work, I need to know that.”

“He should know how to help you without saying your paper is terrible.”

Julia exhaled in frustration. “Exactly. He says he wants to start a family with me. Then he turns around and acts like a condescending ass.”

Rachel lifted her hand and gestured for her friend to stop. “Wait a minute. He wants to have kids?”

Julia squirmed. “Yes.”

“Jules, that’s huge! I’m so happy for you. When are you going to start trying?”

“Not for a while. We agreed to wait until I graduate.”

“That’s a long time.” Rachel’s voice grew quiet.

“It would be too difficult to work on a PhD and have a baby.”

Rachel nodded. She fidgeted with the hem of her T-shirt.

“We’d like to have a baby.”

Julia moved so that she could see her friend better. “What, now?”

“Maybe.”

“How did you know you were ready?”

Rachel smiled. “I don’t, really. I’ve always wanted kids, and Aaron feels the same way. We’ve been talking about it since high school. I love Aaron. I would be happy to live with him, just the two of us. But when I envision the future, I see kids. I want us to have someone who will come home for Christmas. If I learned anything from losing my mother, it’s that life is uncertain. I don’t want to wait to start a family and then lose my chance.”

Julia felt tears threatening, but she blinked them back. “You have yearly mammograms, right?”

“Yes, and I’ve had genetic testing. I don’t have the breast cancer gene, but I don’t think Mom had it, either. Even if she did, by the time they would have realized it, it was too late.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Rachel sighed and looked out the window. “I don’t like talking about it, but it weighs on me. What happens if we have kids, and I get cancer? It’s always in the back of my mind.”

She turned to face her friend. “Having kids is one way to rid Gabriel of his condescending attitude.”

“Why’s that?”

“He won’t be condescending when the baby empties a dirty diaper on him. He’ll be shouting your name, begging for help.”

Julia laughed. But all too soon, she grew sober.

“I just want him to think that my ideas are important. They’re just as important as his.”

“Of course they are. Tell him that.”

“I will. But right now, I’m not speaking to him.”

Rachel ran her hand over the armrest, back and forth.

“He’s come a long way. To see him married and talking about starting a family—it’s remarkable. Mom told me that when they first brought Gabriel home, he used to hide food in his room. No matter what they said or did, he pocketed something at every meal.”

“Was he hungry?”

“He was afraid of being hungry. He didn’t trust that Mom and Dad would feed him. So he was building up a reserve for when they stopped. He didn’t unpack his bags, either. Not until after they adopted him. He kept expecting them to send him away.”

“I didn’t know that.” Julia’s heart felt heavy.

Rachel offered her a sympathetic look. “He’s my brother and I love him. But he speaks without thinking. His issue with your paper is probably that you didn’t write it the way he would have.”

“I’m not going to write things his way. I have my own ideas.”

“My advice is to talk to him. Of course, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to let him sweat a little. Make him sleep on the couch.”

“Unfortunately, I’ll probably be the one on the couch.” Julia pointed to the sofa that stood against the opposite wall.

To say that dinner was awkward would be an understatement.

Julia and Gabriel sat side by side. They even held hands during grace. But there was only painful, detached politeness—no warm glances, no whispered words of affection, no fleeting touches under the table.

Gabriel’s spine was ramrod straight, his demeanor cool. Julia was quiet and remote.

Richard, Aaron, and Rachel kept the conversation fluid while the Emersons barely spoke. After dinner, Julia declined dessert and excused herself to work on her lecture.

Gabriel’s eyes followed her as she left the table, a muscle jumping in his jaw. But he didn’t stop her. He simply watched her walk away.

When Rachel went to the kitchen to make coffee, Aaron decided that he’d had enough. He leaned across the table.

“Man, suck it up and tell her you’re sorry.”

Gabriel lifted his eyebrows.

“Why are you assuming that I’m at fault?”

“Because you’re the one with a dic—” Aaron caught his father-in-law’s eye and began coughing. “Um, statistically speaking, eighty percent of fights are the guy’s fault. Just apologize and get it over with. I don’t want to have to sit through another meal like that. It’s so cold in here, I’m going to have to go outside to warm up.”

“I think I have to side with Aaron. Not that you’re asking.” Richard chuckled to himself.

Gabriel looked between the two men with something akin to disgust.

“I tried talking to her. That’s how our argument started. She locked herself in the bathroom and told me to get lost.”

Richard and Aaron exchanged a knowing look.

“You’re in trouble.” Aaron whistled. “You’d better talk to her before bed or you’re looking at couch time.”

He shook his head before moving to the kitchen to join his wife.

Richard tapped the stem of his wine glass thoughtfully.

“Et tu, Brute?” Gabriel scowled.

“I didn’t say anything.” Richard looked at his son kindly. “I’ve been trying to stay out of it.”

“Thank you.”

“But there’s a reason why old married couples tell the young ones not to let the sun go down on their anger. Dealing with problems when they’re small will make both of your lives easier.”

“I can’t exactly have a conversation through a locked door.”

“Of course you can. You wooed her once; woo her again.”

Gabriel wore an incredulous expression. “You’re telling me to woo my wife?”

“I’m telling you to let go of your ego, apologize, and then listen to her. I wasn’t always the man you see before you. You can learn from my mistakes.”

“You and Mom had the perfect marriage.”

Richard laughed.

“Our marriage was far from perfect. But we made a pact early on that we would keep the imperfection out of sight and hearing of you children. Children get anxious when their parents argue. In my experience, couples fight over money, sex, and a lack of respect or attention.”

Gabriel began to protest, but Richard lifted a hand. “I’m not asking what your disagreement was about. That’s between you and your wife. It’s obvious that Julia’s feelings have been hurt. She was very withdrawn over dinner, the way she used to be before she began seeing you.”

“I’m not the one who shut down rational communication.” Gabriel sounded imperious.

“Listen to yourself.” Richard’s tone turned scolding. “Julia isn’t irrational. She’s hurt. When someone hurts you, it’s rational to withdraw. Especially considering her history.”

Gabriel grimaced. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“I’m sure that’s true. But I’m also confident that you don’t fight fairly. Learning how to argue with a spouse is an art, not a science. It took your mother and me a long time to figure it out. But once we did, we rarely argued. And when we did, it wasn’t ugly or hurtful. If you can argue with Julia while still convincing her that you love her and that she’s important to you, your conflicts will be easier to manage.” Richard finished his wine and placed the glass on the table.

“Take it from someone who was married a while and who brought up a daughter. When a woman withdraws and is cold, it’s because she’s protecting herself. My advice is to be gentle with your wife and coax her out of that locked room. Or prepare to spend a lot of lonely nights on the couch.”

It was after midnight by the time Julia closed her laptop. She knew everyone had gone to bed. She’d heard their footsteps in the hall.

She crept to the door of the study and opened it. Light shone from underneath the closed door to the master bedroom. No doubt Gabriel was awake, reading.

She contemplated going to him. But the distance to his bed seemed interminable.

She grabbed the bottle of bubble bath she’d spirited away from their bathroom after dinner. She’d take another hot bath in the guest bathroom and try to forget her troubles.

A half hour later, Julia reentered the study, shutting the door behind her. She felt refreshed but only marginally more relaxed. Since Gabriel seemed determined to keep his distance, she’d sleep on the couch.

As she lay under the old wool blanket they’d first shared so many years ago in the orchard, she thought of their home back in Cambridge. She thought of their first few months of marriage and how happy they’d been.

She wanted to be a Dante specialist. It was a long road that would require sacrifice, hard work, and humility. She didn’t want to be the kind of person who thought herself above criticism. She knew that her writing needed improvement.

But when Gabriel said she was going to make a fool out of herself, the pain was excruciating. She needed him to encourage her, to cheer her on. She didn’t need him belittling her. Her belief in herself was shaky enough.

Why can’t he see that I need his support?

As her sadness swelled, she wondered why he hadn’t come to her.

No doubt he’d spent the evening with his family, smoking a cigar on the porch and talking about old times. She wondered what kind of explanation he’d given to Rachel about their conflict. She wondered why she was lying alone in the dark, close to tears, and he seemed perfectly content to leave her to it.

Just then, she heard a door open down the hall. She heard Gabriel’s quick, determined steps. They stopped outside her door.

She sat up, holding her breath. A muted light shone from the hallway, entering the study through the crack beneath the door.

O gods of fighting newlyweds, please make him knock on my door.

She heard what sounded like a pained sigh and a thump that could have been a hand resting against the door. Then she saw a shadow pass across the light as the footsteps retreated.

Julia tightened into a ball but did not cry.