Gabriel's Redemption

Chapter Forty-one

Although Gabriel’s concerns were not entirely assuaged by Julianne’s words, he felt relieved. Her belief in him, her love for him, chipped away at his self-doubt. Truly he was blessed beyond all reason to find such a lover, such a wife. When she’d looked into his eyes and said she wanted him to reverse the procedure whether they planned to have a baby or not . . . Gabriel would remember that moment for the rest of his life.

A proverb from the Hebrew Bible came to his mind: Whoso findeth a wife findeth a great good.

It was at night, when he felt tortured by his past and fearful for his future, that his hope was shaken. Rather than leaving her side to haunt the house in search of alcohol, Gabriel resolved to wrap his arms around her and hold on. His brown-eyed angel didn’t eliminate his concerns. But she gave him the strength he needed in order to fight.

The day after their shower, she’d found him in his study on the second floor, poring over a pile of books, his laptop open on the desk.

“Hi.” She entered the study, carrying a glass of Coke. “I brought you a drink.”

He regarded her appreciatively. “Thank you, darling.”

He patted his lap and she placed the drink on the desk before joining him.

“Did you put this here?” He gestured at the toy train engine, which was now sitting atop a stack of files.

“Yes.” She squirmed, wondering how she was going to explain herself.

“I’d forgotten about it. It makes a good paperweight.”

“I should have asked before I went through your things.”

He shrugged. “It was time. The train was one of my favorite toys as a child.”

“It looks like an antique. Where did it come from?”

Gabriel scratched at his chin. “I want to say that it came from my father. I seem to remember him giving it to me. But that can’t be right.”

Julia offered him a sympathetic look.

“What are you working on?”

“My book. I’m writing a section on Hell. I think I’ll include some remarks on the Guido story. I’ll cite your paper as an authority, of course.” He kissed her.

“That will be easier to do now that my paper is being published.”

“Really?”

“I received an email from the conference organizers telling me that a European press has agreed to publish a few of the papers. They want me to submit mine.”

“Your first publication. Congratulations.” Gabriel hugged her tightly, a feeling of pride washing over him.

“It will be a great line item for my CV.” She toyed with his glasses. “But I’m going to need a favor.”

“Anything.”

She lifted her eyebrows. “Anything?”

“For you, my love, I would endeavor to pluck the stars from the sky, only to shower them at your feet.”

Julia pressed her hand over her heart. “How do you do that?’

“Do what?”

“Say things like that. That’s beautiful.”

He offered her a half-smile. “I’ve spent years studying poetry, Mrs. Emerson. It’s in my DNA.”

“It certainly is.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him determinedly.

Their embrace grew heated. Gabriel was about to sweep his books from his desk and lay Julianne out on top of it when she remembered she was there to ask him a favor.

“Um, sweetie?”

“Yes?” His voice was a half groan as his hands roamed up and down her sides.

“I need to ask you something.”

“Go ahead.”

“My paper is going to need some revisions before I send it in. They want the manuscript the first week of December. Will you read it and make some suggestions?”

Her expression telegraphed her trepidation. They’d had a fight about that paper a few months previous. She didn’t want to fight with him about it again.

“Of course. It would be my pleasure. I’ll try not to be a bastard when I give you my comments.”

She grinned wryly. “I’d appreciate that.”

“Now, can we have desk sex or do you want to chat all afternoon?”

“Desk sex, please.”

“Your wish is my command.”

Gabriel removed his glasses, tossing them aside. He closed his laptop and placed it on a nearby shelf before carefully removing the train engine. Then with one sweep of his arm, he sent all the books and papers to the floor before placing Julia on top of the desk.

Then they spent the next hour engaged in a new kind of marital bliss—desk sex.

(Desk sex can be very, very good, but it’s important to remove the staplers first.)

Later, Julia began packing for their trip to Tom and Diane’s wedding, while Gabriel remained in his office, trying to write. He found it difficult to concentrate on Guido da Montefeltro at the site of his most recent (and very passionate) encounter with Julianne.

I might never be able to work at this desk again.

Frustrated, he closed the document he was working on and pulled up his email. He typed a short note to Carson Brown, his lawyer, asking that he begin making inquiries about his biological parents and their families.

Then he lifted his cell phone and dialed a number.

Julia entered the bedroom after spending the evening revising her conference paper. Her eyes hurt. She had decided that Paul was right—she was suffering from some kind of eyestrain and needed to see an optometrist. She resolved to make an appointment when she and Gabriel returned from Selinsgrove.

“What’s the matter?” Gabriel’s voice reached her from the bed.

She pulled her hands away from her face. He was sitting up, wearing his glasses, and reading.

She gave him a sheepish look.

“I was on the computer too long and now my eyes hurt. I’m going to have them checked when we get back.”

“Good. Your eyes are so beautiful, it would be shame for them to be injured.” He put a finger in the book that he was reading and extended his other hand to pat the area beside him. “Come here.”

Julia joined him on the bed, noticing that he’d been reading his mother’s diary.

“What made you decide to read that?”

“Since I’m beginning my investigation of my family, I thought I shouldn’t put it off.”

“Is it making you sad?”

He put the diary aside and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses.

“It’s tragic more than anything else. She graduated from high school and moved into the city to share an apartment with a girlfriend. Her first job was working for my father’s company. One of his secretaries went on maternity leave and she filled in temporarily. That’s how they met.”

“She was young.” Julia clasped her hand in his.

He glanced down at their connection. “Almost as young as you when I met you. Funny how history repeats itself.”

“Don’t,” Julia said, in a low voice. “You could have gone down that road. But you didn’t. We’re different.”

“I went down that road with someone else.”

Julia felt her anger flame. “You didn’t abandon Paulina. You cared for her for years. You are not the kind of man who would abandon your child.”

“Say that again.” Gabriel’s voice was a cross between a growl and a plea.

Julia reached up to remove his glasses, lying across his body to place them on the nightstand. Then she lifted her face, still reclining over him.

“Gabriel Emerson, you are not the kind of man who would abandon your child. And as much as you might think of yourself as the seducer, we both know our seduction was mutual.”

He stroked her hair lightly before lifting her chin and bringing their lips together.

“Our seduction was most definitely mutual. You’re the only woman who ever persuaded me to give my heart. And you still seduce me, Mrs. Emerson. Every day.”

Gabriel stroked her hair again.

“It sounds as if my parents’ affair started while they were working long hours together. One night, he kissed her. Things progressed . . .”

“Did he love her?”

“He said he did. He bought her extravagant gifts. He wouldn’t be seen in public with her, but they’d meet at hotels.”

Julia fingered her necklace unconsciously.

“I saw some of the jewelry in your desk. There are things from Tiffany and what looks like a wedding band.”

Gabriel scowled. “He gave her that ring when I was born. She used to wear it and pretend she was married. What a farce.”

“It’s possible he did it to protect her.”

“Julianne, nothing my father did protected her.” His voice was cold. “She was young and had lived a sheltered life with her family. She expected he’d leave his wife and family for her. Obviously that didn’t happen.”

Julia tightened her arms around him. “What have you done to find out more about your family?”

“I sent an email to Carson, asking him to make inquiries about the Emersons and about my father.” He cleared his throat. “I made a few phone calls today and was able to schedule an appointment with Dr. Townsend. And a urologist.”

“I’m proud of you. I know you’re anxious. But no matter what you discover, we’ll face it together.”

He sighed and brought his hand up to cup the back of her head.

“If you’re serious about learning more about your mother, I’ll help you.”

She turned to lie on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

“My father has her stuff. I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask about it. He’s got a lot on his mind.”

“You’re right. Have you heard from him?”

“Diane sent me an email about my bridesmaid dress. I’m supposed to pick it up when we arrive.”

Julia was quiet for a moment, thinking. Then she spoke.

“Do you think God has forgiven you?”

His brow furrowed. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Because of our conversation in the shower. You seem to think your past hasn’t really been forgiven.”

He shifted next to her.

“When I was in Assisi, after we’d been separated, it felt as if God forgave me.”

“But you still look at yourself and don’t like what you see?” Her tone was gentle.

“Why should I? I have so many faults.”

“So do all human beings, sweetheart.”

“Maybe I’m more conscious of my own sin.”

“Maybe you haven’t accepted the grace and forgiveness you’ve been offered.”

He looked at her sharply.

She moved closer to him.

“I’m not saying this to grieve you. I see how far you’ve come, and it’s nothing short of a miracle. But part of that miracle is recognizing the magnitude of the grace.”

“I did so many terrible things,” he whispered.

“And God’s forgiveness is so small.” Julia glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

“I don’t think that.”

“But you act like that sometimes—as if you’re still in Hell. As if God couldn’t forgive you.”

“I want to be better.”

“Then be better. Accept the fact that God didn’t bring you this far only to abandon you. He isn’t that kind of father. And you won’t be, either.”

Gabriel pondered her words for a moment.

“If what you say is correct, then you have no reason to fear being a mother. No matter what happened with Sharon or what’s in your past, grace is available to you too. I guess we both need to overcome our fears.”

He caressed her cheek before rolling her beneath him.

“You will be a wonderful mother,” he whispered before bringing their lips together.