Gabriel's Redemption

Chapter Seventy-five

Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania

You’re what?”

A pile of silverware slid from Rachel’s fingers, clattering onto the kitchen island. She stared openmouthed at her best friend.

Gabriel had his arm around Julia as they stood in the kitchen of the Clark family home. Scott, Tammy, and Quinn sat on stools nearby, while Richard and Aaron were deep in conversation near the stove.

“I’m pregnant,” Julia repeated, her eyes searching Rachel’s face.

The room fell silent.

“But, but, I didn’t know you were trying. I thought you were going to wait,” Rachel sputtered.

“The news was unexpected but not unwelcome.” Gabriel pressed his lips to Julia’s temple.

“That’s great news, Julia. When are you due?” Tammy interjected.

“September.” Julia’s hand curved over her slightly protruding abdomen. “We told Dad, Diane, and my uncle Jack last night.”

“I think this calls for cigars. I’m very proud of you both.” Richard shook Gabriel’s hand and clapped him on the back before kissing Julia’s cheek. “It will be nice to have another baby around. Quinn and Tommy will have a new playmate.”

“Exactly.” Tammy followed, hugging Julia, and so did Scott.

Julia looked over at her best friend apprehensively. “Rach?”

“I—” Rachel suddenly closed her mouth. She looked as if she were about to burst into tears.

Aaron wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He murmured something in her ear.

“I’m happy for you,” Rachel managed. After a moment, she embraced Julia and Gabriel together. “I am. I’m happy for you both.”

Julia’s eyes began to water.

“I think we should give the girls a minute. Isn’t there a game on?” Aaron jerked his thumb toward the living room, where the wide-screen television was located.

Tammy, Quinn, and the men quickly retreated, leaving the best friends alone.

“This is a surprise.” Rachel sat on one of the bar stools. “Was it an accident?”

Julia chewed at the inside of her mouth. “Gabriel doesn’t want us using the word accident. He doesn’t want the baby growing up thinking he wasn’t wanted.”

“Of course not!” Rachel appeared horrified. “I didn’t think of it that way. I’m sorry.”

“But, uh, clearly this was unexpected, because we were planning on waiting.”

Rachel’s eyes trained on her friend’s.

“It must have been a shock for you. Are you all right?”

“I was upset at the beginning, but Gabriel has been great. He’s really excited and his enthusiasm is infectious. Rebecca moved in with us, so she’ll help with the baby. I’ve decided to take a maternity leave, and Gabriel is going to do the same.”

Rachel snorted, resting her forearm on the top of the island. “Gabriel is taking a maternity leave? I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“Well, it’s a paternity leave. It’s available to him and so he’s going to take it. They owe him a sabbatical anyway, but he’s deferring it.” Julia sat on the stool to Rachel’s left. “We’re even talking about moving here for part of the year, after the baby is born.”

Rachel’s gray eyes grew soft. “Dad would love that. Have you told him?”

Julia shook her head. “We were waiting until we told everyone we were expecting.” She glanced in the direction of the living room. “Gabriel is probably asking him right now.”

“Dad won’t say no. Will Rebecca come too?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead. But it would be a bit ridiculous for one little baby to require three adults to supervise him.”

Rachel regarded her friend. “You haven’t been around babies much, have you?”

“No.”

“You might need Rebecca to keep up the house and to cook for everyone.” Rachel stared at her fingernails. “You and Diane will be able to commiserate about motherhood. We’ll come home for weekends. The baby will be surrounded by family.”

“That’s what we wanted. I’m sorry about the timing. I know you and Aaron have been trying and I feel so—”

“Don’t.” Rachel forced a smile. “I’m happy for you. And I’m going to be the best damn aunt I can be. I’m hoping, someday, you’ll have the chance to be the same to mine.”

“Me, too.”

Julia smiled, a sympathetic sadness twisting in her insides.

That evening, Aaron stood in his wife’s childhood bedroom, which was still decorated with the awards and trophies she’d won in high school. He held her in his arms as she sobbed into his chest.

He felt helpless. He felt impotent.

“Rach,” he whispered, rubbing her back.

“It’s so unfair,” she managed, her hands fisting his shirt. “They didn’t even want a baby! Jules was going to wait until she graduated. I can’t believe this is happening.”

Aaron didn’t know what to say. When Julia announced her good news, he was envious, but not to the degree that Rachel was. After a year of trying to conceive, she was battling depression. He didn’t want to feed it by focusing on the unfairness of life and raising existential questions that might never be answered.

“I know you’re upset, but I need you to calm down.”

“I want my mom.” She pressed her forehead into his shoulder. “She would know what to do.”

“As much as I loved your mother, she wasn’t a miracle worker.”

“But she could give me advice. And I’m never going to see her again.” A fresh round of sobs escaped Rachel’s chest.

“You know that’s not true,” he whispered, rubbing her back once again. “This was a shock, but we have to get over it. People around us are going to have children. You don’t want this to come between you and Julia.”

“It won’t.”

“That’s my girl. So no tears tomorrow.” He pulled away, his face marked with concern.

“I can do that. I gave an Academy Award–winning performance earlier. I wanted to cry as soon as she told me.”

“I don’t want you to act, Rachel. I want you to appear to be okay and I want that to be the truth.”

“But I’m not okay.” She sat on the edge of her bed.

“I want to talk to you about that.” Aaron joined her on the bed. “Instead of focusing on what we don’t have, I’d like us to start thinking about what we have. We have our jobs, we have a nice place to live, we—”

“We have fertility treatments that aren’t working.” Rachel cursed under her breath.

“There are other options. We’ve discussed this.”

“I’m not ready to give up.”

“We don’t have to give up. But maybe we should just relax for a while. Take a break.”

“Take a break?” She peered over at him curiously.

“Stop the fertility treatments and forget about having a baby. Just for a while.”

She crossed her arms around her middle. “No.”

He took her hand in his. “I think the pressure is getting to you.”

“I can handle it.”

“No, baby, you can’t. I know you like I know myself. And I’m telling you, you need a break. We need a break.”

“We’re supposed to try the fertility treatments for a year. We can’t stop now.” Her chin began to wobble.

“Yes, we can.” He brushed his lips across hers. “We’ll talk to the doctor when we’re back in Philadelphia. Then we’re going to take a long vacation. Gabriel promised he’d lend us their house in Italy. We can take some time and just be a normal couple again.”

“What if this is it? What if we can’t . . .” She couldn’t bring herself to say it.

“Then we’ll start looking at other options.” He placed his arm around her. “Whether or not we have a baby, we have each other. That’s something, isn’t it?”

She nodded.

“We need to take care of each other. And I’m not taking care of you if I let you continue like this.”

“I feel like a failure.” Rachel wiped her face with the back of her hand.

“You aren’t,” he whispered. “You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. I would love to have a family with you but not if that journey is going to break you. I’m sorry, but I don’t want kids that much.”

Rachel looked at him, surprised. “I thought this was important to you.”

“You come first. You’ve always come first.” He squeezed her shoulder. “I want the woman I married. Once we get back to that, then we can start talking about kids again. Okay?”

Rachel was silent as she contemplated what he was proposing. She closed her eyes, and it felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Suddenly, she felt as if she could breathe again.

“Okay.”

Aaron pulled his wife into his arms. “I love you.”

Down the hall, Julia leaned her hip against the bathroom vanity, watching Gabriel brush his teeth.

“Your father is proud of us for having a baby.”

Gabriel nodded, as he continued brushing.

“That means he’s proud of us for having sex and you for impregnating me. Do you think they make T-shirts for grandfathers that express those sentiments?”

Gabriel made a strangled choking noise before he began spitting into the sink.

“Are you all right?” She tapped on his back. “Can you speak?”

He responded with more spitting and then raucous laughter.

“T-shirts,” he managed, placing his hand on the counter to support himself. “How do you come up with this stuff?”

“It wasn’t me who said it. I don’t think anyone has ever told me that he’s proud of me for having sex. My dad was happy for us, but he didn’t say he was proud.”

Gabriel deposited his toothbrush in the holder before straightening.

“I did.”

They exchanged a look.

“Yes, you did.” Julia smiled to herself. “Uncle Jack seemed happy, when I told him. But he was acting weird on the telephone.”

“What did he say?”

“He congratulated me, but he also gave me a lecture.”

Gabriel’s eyebrows lifted. “About what?”

“About my need to protect myself and the baby. I assured him I was doing so and then he asked me what you were doing to protect us.”

“And what did you say?”

“I said you were very attentive and that you were coming with me to all my appointments. He muttered something about that not being enough.”

Gabriel frowned. “Did you respond?”

“I asked him what he was worried about, but he kind of clammed up on me. Do you think something is up with Simon and Natalie?”

“I doubt it. If something were in the works, he’d tell us about it.”

“Maybe.” Julia shook her head. “He promised me he’d keep an eye on us, and I told him I’d welcome whatever help he could give us. It was a very strange conversation.”

“Your uncle Jack is a strange person. Maybe he’s decided to beat up Greg Matthews in order to ensure that you get a maternity leave.”

“Professor Matthews already authorized it. I don’t need Uncle Jack’s help with that.” She smiled and exited the bathroom.

She stood by the window, looking out into the starless night.

Gabriel could see the outline of her body through her old-fashioned linen nightshirt: her long slim legs, her rounded hips and bottom. He switched off the lights and stood behind her, his talented fingers lifting and toying with her hair.

“Your conversation with my sister was difficult, but she took the news well, I thought.” He linked their hands together, bringing their connection to rest over where their child was growing.

“She and Aaron have been trying for so long and we weren’t and boom! We’re pregnant.”

Gabriel chuckled and rested his chin on her shoulder. “It wasn’t quite like that. There was divine intervention.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“You don’t?” His body tightened.

“I do, I just feel guilty. It seems unfair,” she whispered.

“Perhaps we need to do a better job of supporting them. I’m sure this is hard on both of them.” He kissed the nape of her neck, pressing his chest to her back. “Did you ever tell her how we met?”

“No. It was too precious and too painful to talk about.”

“And now?” He pressed her.

“I like the fact that it’s our secret. Your family is wonderful, but I don’t think they’d understand. My father would come after you with a shotgun.”

“Point taken.”

He began to drag his fingertips over her scalp, touching her gently, when she suddenly flinched.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I forgot about your scar.”

“It’s all right. You only startled me.”

Gabriel began to caress her again, this time avoiding the stretch of raised skin beneath her hair.

“Sharon could be nice sometimes, when she wasn’t drinking and she was between boyfriends.” Julia swallowed hard. “She would take me to the zoo and we’d have picnics. She let me play dress-up with her clothes and she’d do my hair. I liked that.”

Gabriel stilled his hand, pausing thoughtfully before speaking. “I remember some good things about my mother, too. I’m sorry Sharon hurt you. I wish I could take it all away.”

“I wonder why Sharon was nice to me at all if she was just going to turn around and be abusive again.”

Gabriel continued toying with her hair. “I understand. The cycle of abuse interspersed with occasional bouts of kindness keeps you stuck, waiting and hoping for the kindness to return. And it does, on occasion, only to be swept away. I know all about that. Regrettably.”

Julia turned to face him. “We’ve overcome a lot.”

“That we have.”

“What happened with Simon doesn’t haunt me anymore. Not like it did. I feel as if I’ve moved past that.”

Gabriel cursed under his breath. “That motherfucker is lucky he has a powerful family. I still wish I could beat him senseless and teach his girlfriend a lesson. Your uncle Jack didn’t want us to let them off the hook.”

Julia placed a hand on his chest. “It’s over now. Simon is getting married, and Jack said that Natalie moved to California.”

“The farther away the better.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be a great mother, but I certainly have an idea of what I shouldn’t do.”

Gabriel touched her abdomen through her nightshirt.

“Part of being a good parent is being a good person. And Julianne, you are the best person I’ve ever met.”

He kissed her softly.

“Standing in this house, I can’t help but remember what life was like with my parents. We can have a home like theirs. A home filled with love and happiness. We’ve had so much grace lavished on us . . .” Gabriel’s voice trailed off.

“I’m just relieved I don’t have to do this alone.”

“Me, too.”

Gabriel took her hand and led her to the bed.