In Too Deep

Chapter 49

I should never have let Taylor leave while I talked to Samantha. Hell, I shouldn’t even let Samantha in my room, but I was so stunned when I saw her at the door, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I should have escorted her back to the front doors and told things were over between us.

I’d always suspected she wanted something more from me. She knew we weren’t exclusive, that I saw other girls, and she never seemed threatened by it before. Then again, I’d never had a girlfriend before. This was all new for me. But now Taylor’s disappeared and I’m terrified I’ve fucked this up already.

After searching the dorms, then the rec room, I realize I know where she is. I head for the fourth floor, and find her in front of her computer.

Her eyes dart up when she hears me come in. Deep blue eyes sear into mine, damp with tears that she quickly wipes away with the backs of her hands. Something in my chest tightens, filling me with longing and confusion.

I keep making her cry. I go to her, falling on my knees in front of her chair. “Baby I’m sorry.”

She stifles a sob, and laces her fingers in my hair. “S’okay.”

I rest my head across her knees, letting her play with my hair, knowing I don’t deserve it.

I lift my head, meeting her eyes. “No it’s not. I shouldn’t have let her into my room. And I didn’t want you to leave. You’re with me now. She means nothing to me. Everything’s over between her and I.” A single tear rolls down her cheek and I wipe it away. “Okay?” I ask, taking her hand.

She nods. But I can tell she’s still sad. I hurt her, and I hate that.

All this raw emotion is stirring up forgotten feelings inside me. Things I’d long ago stowed away. I knew not to let myself get attached. It was a lesson I taught myself after I watched my mom waste away and pass on, when my little brother broke and shattered, and my father, no longer wanting to look at the two boys who reminded him of his wife, threw himself into his business. It was so much easier not to feel, not to get attached…to anything or anyone.

I rest my head on Taylor’s knees, completely at her mercy. I know I don’t deserve her. I know I’m not worthy and won’t be able to give her what she needs, but I’m just selfish enough to try.

The next morning, I catch McAllister in the hall, a rolling suitcase in tow. He stops when he sees me, a guilty look flashing across his face, then he straightens his shoulders and turns to face me.

“I need to go away for a few days on business. I just sent you an email. You’re in charge of day-to-day decisions. If anything bigger comes up, call my cell.”

Without so much as a goodbye, he turns and continues down the hall, rolling his bag behind him. Watching his retreating back, bag in hand brings up an unwelcome memory. After my mom died, he began leaving on overnight business trips more and more, to the point where he was rarely ever home.

“You can’t just run away this time,” I call after him.

He stops stiffening and turns to face me once again. His eyes meet mine and I can see he’s trying to decide if he should just keep walking.

I press on before he has the chance to decide. “I know you think I was too young to remember, but I remember everything.”

His eyes dance nervously on mine, unsure of what I’ll say next. And frankly so am I. But I’m on a roll now. I take a step closer to him.

“After mom passed, you threw yourself into this place like never before. You were rarely home, you even started spending the night here, leaving me and Reis with Mrs. Lee just so you didn’t have to face us.”

He shifts nervously, fiddling with the handle of his suitcase.

“You chose to give up your family a long time ago, Dad.” I hadn’t called him that in so long, the word surprises us both. An expression from long ago crosses his face. Compassion? Sorrow?

“You need to make things right with Taylor.”

He cocks his head, the expression fading away the instant I mention her name. “I’ve upset your latest conquest? What a travesty. Spare me. Don’t think for a second that I don’t know what goes on around here. I’ve been fully briefed. I’m just glad your mother isn’t around to see how you’ve turned out.”

He turns and stalks down the hall, yanking his bag behind him.

“Just run away!” I call after him. “It’s what you do best.”

Jackass.