Seduce Me

Chapter 4—Casey

Nothing. I feel nothing inside like I’m a void of a person, a waste of flesh and bones. My heart has no feeling; its only purpose is to keep me alive for some reason. Lying in this bed, all I do is exist breathing in air and taking it away from someone else on the planet. I haven’t been to class at all this week and more than likely, won’t go next week either. What the hell’s the point? My baby is dead. Gone. And what’s worse, there isn’t even a body to bury. Nothing, like I never had a life in my body, never carried it for weeks, never grew attached. Nothing. I can’t go visit my baby like I do Dad. The baby just vanished like she was nothing in this world.

“Casey. You have to get out of bed.” Bella comes by four or five times a day trying to get me to leave this bed. I’m now sorry I gave her a damn key to the place because all I want is to be left alone. “You have to eat. Come on.” I groan. I hate eating. I hate breathing for that matter. I thought the death of Dad was hard; this is a whole different kind of pain. One that has so many ‘what if…’ questions that it shreds my heart with each passing minute. I don’t even know why I exist anymore. At least with my baby, I had a purpose and a cause. Now, I have nothing.

“Jace is coming over to help me give you a shower. It’s either we give it to you or you take it yourself, but girl you are getting washed. You stink. And you are eating. I can see your damn bones Casey.”

I tune her out, close my eyes and will myself to sleep.

3 Days later

I’m coming to the realization fast that this pain in my chest will never go away. It’s so deeply embedded that nothing will help it or me. But I am trying to move. At least around the apartment. After Bella and Jace had given me their wonderful pep talks, I came to the conclusion that they weren’t going to leave me the hell alone and short of shooting them both, I needed to at least appear to want to get myself together.

But I refuse to go to classes. I told them I had a medical emergency and left it at that. My professors gave my assignments to Bella, but they sit on my desk untouched.

I’m never alone though. Either Bella or Jace is here at all times. I should be grateful to have them, but I’d really like it if they left me alone. They walk around on eggshells around me. Always giving each other looks and having some silent conversation between themselves. It feels like they want me to blow, but I have no desire to. There is no reason.

“What do ya want to do today?” Jace asks from the couch where he’s lounged with his feet up clicking through the channels on the TV. If I were in my right mind, I would tell him to get out and stop acting like this is his place. But I can’t and won’t.

“Nothing.” It’s my answer to his question every time he asks.

“Let’s watch a movie, you pick.” He pushes.

“No.” I walk around to the fridge, opening the door and closing it just as quickly. Nothing sounds good and my stomach roils just thinking about food. Crackers… Maybe crackers.

“What’s that noise?” Jace moves towards me trying to figure out where it’s coming from. And I listen hearing a slight sound and instantly know.

Shit. “That’s my phone. I need to find it.” I slowly look for the pre-paid phone that if I don’t answer will set off a shit storm back at the club that I am in no way shape or form able to handle at the moment.

Digging through the pile of papers, I find it inside my brown bag. I quickly swipe the screen and put on my happiest voice I can come up with. Faker.

“Hey.” I answer quickly moving away from Jace.

“Hey Hoochie! When you coming to see me?” The happiness in Harlow’s voice radiates through the phone only making me feel lower.

“I can’t come right now. Classes and work.” Lying to her sucks. I always hate it and rarely do it, but this time it is a necessary evil. The clearing of a throat makes my eyes lift to Jace’s who shakes his head. I glare at him not needing his shit right now. Why won’t he just go away?

I turn my back hoping to snub him. “How’s life up in Cherry Vale?

Horrible. “Great. Everything’s going good.”

“You’re lying to me.” My breath catches and I sit there for a beat. “You’re never this happy or perky, even when you’re in a good mood. Care to tell me what the hell is going on?”

The hand holding my phone begins to shake and my happy resolve is beginning to fade. I think quick, “School’s just tough, but I’m getting it. Everything is fine.” I try to say reassuringly.

“Yeah. Right. I don’t believe you, something is up. And I will find out what it is.” My heart stops. “I’ll drop it for now, but I won’t forget. Cruz and Cooper send their love. Cooper is just a great little boy Casey. He’s growing up so fast. I wish you were here to see it.” Tears well up in my eyes for the baby that I will never see grow, never see take her first steps or her first bite of real food, never get to hold. I move the phone away from my face and blow out a deep breath, bringing it back to my mouth, trying to calm myself.

“Tell them I miss them too. Low, I have a huge test coming up. I’ve really got to go.” Or else I am totally going to lose my shit.

“Alright. I know something’s not right. You’d better be okay. If you don’t tell me by the next time I call, I’m coming up there.” Shit. Harlow never gives up.

“Yep. Just busy. I’ll call you back soon. Okay?”

“Alright. Love you.”

“Love you too.” I click the phone off quickly; my legs give out, my ass hits the floor with a thud, my body follows behind it. Jace immediately wraps his arms around me, picking me up, cradling me to his chest like an infant. Tears fall rapidly down my face and Jace clutches me tight to his chest.