Seduce Me

Chapter 8—Casey

Rummaging through all of my things, I need a distraction and escape from the guilt that is consuming me and eating me alive. Not even a day home with him and I’m kissing him like some hormonal teenager. I need to tell him, but shit, he can’t even freaking stand without passing out. How the hell is he going to react to having a child that I lost?

My stomach hurts the ache inside rising.

It’s only a kiss, right? Who am I fucking kidding? Not only was it a kiss, I want so much more out of it. As soon as his lips touched mine, fire seeped in my body, setting it ablaze. Everything with him feels so intense and knocks me on my ass every damn time. Shit.

I turn to the door as a loud knock comes upon it. Opening the door, a smiling Harlow stands there and I want to rip her damn eyes out. Not that I could, but I want to… badly. She knows too much.

“You love him. It’s what’s meant to happen.”

“I can’t be with him, Harlow. I knew coming home would be a mistake.” I shake my head, tired of repeating myself over and over again.

Harlow slams the door shut as she sits on the bed. I join her and wring my hands together. Looking down at my hands, I want to disappear. I want to tell her, I need to tell her. “Coming home was what was supposed to happen. Needed to happen. Fucking sucks it had to be like this, but we can’t change that. You and G.T. need to work this shit out.”

“What’s to work out, Harlow? He wants a variety of women and I can’t deal with that. It’s all or none with me.” And once I tell him about Mia, it will all be over.

Harlow grabs my leg steadying it when I don’t realize it is bouncing uncontrollably. “You need to talk to G.T., you may be surprised. Second, he’s going to kiss you again. You know this and next time, I may not be there to interrupt.” I nod. “I know my brother’s an ass, but you gotta know Casey, he loves you. He won’t admit it because he’s stubborn, but he does.”

“If a man loves you, he won’t want anyone else but you.”

“You need to talk to him about that, Casey.”

“What do you know?” I question, raising my brow.

“Not my place. Talk to him while you’re in there. None of this other petty bullshit. Fucking talk. And get this shit sorted out.”

“He told you?” She nods. “What was I thinking?” I say shaking my head frustrated with myself. This is such a bad idea, being locked in a room with him.

“Oh, I can only imagine. Doc said something about him staying put and he grabbed you, pulling you in.” She laughs. “He’s a smart man. Knew you would help him.”

I give her a small knowing smile because she is right and I went for it hook-line-and-sinker.

“I know that coming back to all this is a lot, but are you okay?” I look down at my hands. This is the time. My opening. I shake my head no.

“What’s wrong Casey? School not working out for ya?” I can’t hold it in any longer. The tears I’ve been doing such a good job of holding back fall from my face and splash onto my hands, my shoulders begin to shake. Everything in my body hurts and aches and my stomach twists in knots.

“Shit. Casey. What’s wrong?” The words will not leave my mouth, it’s like they’re lodged in my throat and I so desperately need them to come out. She wraps her arms around me and that’s when I really lose it. I’ve craved her since I found out about Mia. And now she’s here.

“Tell me what’s going on babe. I can help you.” She whispers into my neck, her hand glides up and down my body.

“I was pregnant, Low.” I sniffle into her neck, close enough to feel her entire body stiffen.

“Was?”

“I lost her about two weeks ago.” I sob uncontrollably.

“Oh God, Casey. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have been right there by your side.”

“I couldn’t. Everything with Babs happened and Cooper. Then Rocky… Everything was a mess. I couldn’t add to it.” I squeeze tighter not wanting to let go, needing her now more than ever.

“It was G.T.’s baby.” I nod my head in agreement. “And he doesn’t know anything about it.” Her words come out as statements of fact rather than being accusatory. “And you’ve been dealing with this all by yourself. You should have fucking told me.”

“No. I have two friends in Cherry Vale.”

Harlow pulls away from me. “You told them and not me?” She accuses, hurt lacing her eyes.

“No. I didn’t tell anyone. Not until the pain started and I needed help. I called my neighbor Jace who came and took me to the hospital. I had to tell him. There was so much blood, Low.” My voice trails off as thoughts of that day plague me. The ache in my gut rises to my chest, I rub my heart. “I was so scared and when they told me Mia was gone, I couldn’t take it. I still can’t take it.”

Lows arms clutch me tight as I weep into them. “It’s alright. We’ll get through this.” Her hand grabs my head and she coddles me, like an infant. I relish in the embrace. I need it.

“You said Mia. Do you know it was a girl?”

“No, but in my gut she’s a girl and I named her, Mia Low Gavelson.”

“You named her after me?” the shock in her voice would have made me smile at any other time, but not now.

“Of course.”

“Were you going to tell us about the baby?” I hate that she is skeptical of this fact, but part of me knew it would come up.

“Yes. I’d never keep either of you away from her. G.T. may not want me, but I’d hope he’d want to know his kid.”

“He would never have let you leave if he’d have known.”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone. I needed to get my life in order. I needed my degree and a job. I wanted to be able to support myself and my baby. And I didn’t want to trap him into something he didn’t want.” I pull away and look down at the floor. “And I didn’t want to be my mother. Now… It just doesn’t matter.”

“Everything matters. You are nothing like your mother. You have to know that.” I shrug not feeling her words. “You have to tell G.T. Now.” She holds me by my shoulders, her eyes bore into mine and the seriousness in her voice is compelling.

I stare into her eyes. “I can’t.”

“Why the hell not?” She barks with anger.

“He can barely freaking stand, Low. What do you think this will do to him? Give me a couple of days and I’ll talk to him, alright?”

“You can’t leave here without telling him, Casey. I mean it. Or I will tell him myself.”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.” My eyes close and I breathe in deep. This is exactly why I couldn’t tell her in the first place.

“Bullshit. You know I believe in you. I just need your word that you will tell my brother. This is too big, Casey.”

“I know. I will.”

A loud bang rattles the door and walls. “Who is it?” Harlow yells.

“Me.” Cruz’s gruff voice says from the other side of the door. Harlow jumps from the bed opening the door quickly. Cruz wraps his arms around Harlow pulling her up to his awaiting lips. My stomach lurches and I turn away quickly. I’m happy for them. I am. But right now seeing it is too much.

“Casey, G.T.’s callin’ for ya.” I turn to face the man standing with his arms wrapped around my best friend. He hasn’t changed a bit from the last time I was here. Same brown disheveled hair, jeans and rag. Now though, he looks happy, truly happy.

I sigh. “I’ll be there in a minute. Low, go ahead and go.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” I whisper needing just a few minutes to get myself together before going back up to face him.

“Alright, you need anything, find me.”

“I will.” I wave softly as they leave the room, shutting the door behind them. Burying my face in the pillow, I let go. Tears, screams and a few blows to the defenseless pillow occur hard and fast. By the time my body stops, my breathing is hard, labored and my face feels raw from the wetness.

I somehow pry myself out of the bed and to the bathroom, quickly washing my face and press a cool cloth to my eyes. My breathing is now calm, but the ache is ever present.

“Casey?” I look in the mirror quickly seeing the red puffs around my eyes; there is nothing I can do to hide it. I blow out a long deep breath. What the hell is this, Grand Central Station?

“Hey Tug. Be out in a minute.” I open the door and give Tug a small smile.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Heard you were down here. Wanted to come see you.” He says in the doorway.

He steps further inside the room making his way to the bed. The room is incredibly small just a bed, dresser and small bath off the corner. But it is much better than the bunks with all the others. With him inside, it suddenly feels even smaller. With not having anywhere else to sit, I motion to the bed. “Have a seat.”

“How have you been?”

Looking into his brown eyes, I feel warmth and comfort. Trust. “Good. School’s going good. Some classes are a bit rough, but for the most part good.”

“Wanna tell me why your eyes are red?”

“No. How have things been here?” I look away not wanting him to see inside. Back when everything went to hell in a hand basket with G.T., Tug was there, talking, laughing and being the shoulder I desperately needed.

“Fucking shitty… What do you think?” He shakes his head. “You like it up there?”

“It’s alright.” Before I loved it up there, now it just reminds me of Mia and the sadness is too raw.

“Just alright. What’s going on? You need to tell me now.” His voice becomes forceful but still very caring. He only wants to help, but I cannot tell him before G.T. That just feels all kinds of wrong.

Before I can speak, I am saved by another pounding on the door. Jumping up quickly, I pull the door open wide.

I am surprised to see a very disheveled G.T. standing there, his smile instantly falls when his eyes look inside the room and lock on Tug. I close my eyes, sighing. I’m not G.T.’s but the predatory look on his face is indicating a confrontation.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” He growls loudly at Tug, making me jump.

“Just talking.” Tug says standing up and walking behind me. Not the best move.

“Get out!” G.T. booms his face so menacing the vein in the side of his neck twitches. This is going to go bad quick.

I place my hand on G.T.’s chest causing his body to tremble. As his eyes meet mine, they soften a touch. “He was just saying hi. I was just getting ready to come up and see you.” I smile sweetly. Knowing the fire that is about to be set ablaze, I do not see it as a lie because I am going back up to see him, eventually. “Bye Tug. I’ll see ya later.” I say my eyes not leaving G.T.’s.

“Later.” Tug says moving to the door. G.T. barely moves an inch as Tug’s large body squeezes through. Damn men.

“You’re not supposed to be out of bed.” I say my hand still on G.T.’s chest. I can feel the strength under his t-shirt.

“You’re supposed to be with me. I came to find you.” He rumbles unapologetically.

“I’m here.” I want to move my eyes away from his, but they captivate mine into submission and suck me in.

His hand rests on mine squeezing gently. G.T. bends down slowly giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. My heart jumps. “I’ll have a Prospect move your stuff to my room.”

I freeze and think quickly. “Nah. That’s okay. I’ll bring what I need for the twenty-four hours.” I try to pull away from him, but he grips me tighter. I think I can break away with him only having one arm on me, but I don’t want to hurt him.

“You think after our time is up, I’m gonna give you up?” He shakes his head. “Angel, you know me better than that.” That I do.

“G.T. I…” my words are cut off by his.

“We’ll talk. Get your stuff. I need to lie down.” He pulls my hand up to his lips kissing me softly; my stomach falls to my knees at the sweetness of his gesture. He releases me and I grab a small bag I brought, throwing extra clothes, pajamas and my toothbrush inside along with my laptop and phone.

“Ready?” I ask, but as I turn around G.T. is opening and closing his eyes rapidly, his body leans to the side and he struggles to get his balance. “Oh no you don’t big guy.” Dropping my bag, I race around him and grab a chair from the game room. Just as I place it behind him, he falls with a thunk into it. Damn it. But as soon as he goes out he comes to again. “G.T?”

“I’m alright. Just tired.” He tries to open his eyes to me, but from the pained look on his face, it’s not working.

“Rest for a minute. Let me see if I can find Cruz.” He nods, which surprises me. He must really feel like shit to take help so damn willingly. Racing through the clubhouse, people are everywhere, but I ignore all of them searching for Cruz. I finally find him over at the table, coloring with Cooper. “Cruz! I need your help, please.” I call over to him. He stands instantly striding towards me.

“What’s wrong?” His eyebrows pull together in concern.

“G.T. got out of bed to come find me. Now he’s downstairs almost passed out in a chair. I need your help bringing him up to his room, please.” I beg and have no shame in that at all.

“Buzz, Breaker, follow me.” He calls out as he heads to the stairs with me on their heels. “He’d be alright if he would just fucking rest.”

After the guys lug G.T back to bed, Harlow pumps him full of more drugs and he’s out like a light.

“Angel?” G.T. calls from the bed. My eyes instantly lift to the man lying on the bed. I move quickly to his side. My insides turn at his name for me. He started calling me Angel a few years ago and I never questioned it.

“Right here. How ya feeling?” He smiles a devilish grin, the color back in his face.

“Better that I know you’re here. What are ya doing?” He questions and I sit next to him on the bed facing him.

“Homework. I don’t want to get too far behind.” I don’t know if he really wanted to know about school. Nowadays, I don’t feel like I know much of anything.

“Tell me about it.” He says, as I look into his crystal eyes. I can see in them that he genuinely wants to know. And so I tell him about the entire thing from start to finish and he listens attentively to every word coming out of my mouth, leaving out everything to do with Mia. I do not know how long I spoke, but he continues listening till the very end. “Wow. Sounds like a lot of work.”

“It is.” I smile, lifting my shoulder knowing if I don’t get my shit together soon, everything will be much harder.

“I’m proud of you.”

I am taken aback a bit by his statement. Of all people, I didn’t know if he would care one way or the other. “Thanks.” I look down at my hands, not embarrassed but almost shy.

“Come here.” He calls from the bed. I quickly get up needing distance.

“I need to get your meds. Harlow said as soon as you get up.” I scurry over to the table where Harlow laid everything out for me with notes. My eyes search for the needed meds.

“You trying to avoid me?” He chuckles.

“Nope. I’m here aren’t I?” I respond not looking up. Damn he’s got several bottles. I find the one I need and take two capsules out placing them on a napkin.

“I missed you, Angel.” My hands stop what they are doing. I close my eyes and breathe in deep taking a moment to love the words he just spoke.

“I missed you too, G.T.” I grab a bottle of water and the pills quickly bringing them to him. His eyes focus on me, eating away at what resolve I have with this man. I hand him the bottle and pills, he takes them his eyes never wavering from mine.

He hands the bottle back, I quickly turn and put everything away. Great! Now what the hell am I going to do for the next twenty hours? My stomach tenses and I instantly feel very thirsty. With G.T.’s water bottle in hand, I twist the cap and gulp down the water, but it does little to quench my thirst. I want to tell him about Mia, but I need to wait until this twenty-four hour thing is over, when he’s stronger. I can do that. I can hold it in. I can. I must.

“You gonna come lay with me?” He grumbles expectantly.

“No. I’m gonna do some work. You just lay in bed and rest.”

“That wasn’t the deal.”

“The deal was to stay with you, not that I was going to lay in bed with you. Now get some rest.” I say moving back towards the desk and sitting in the chair. I can feel his eyes peering through me, trying to coerce me to look at him, but I do my damnedest to resist. Shivers rack my body and I desperately try to turn them off.

“Angel.” His words come out a caress over my skin. “Why don’t you put a movie on and come lay with me.”

“I really need to get this done.”

“Angel.” The sweetness from his voice evaporates and is replaced with his demanding one. I turn and eye him. His lower body is covered with a thin white sheet, arm splayed on the bed while the other is wrapped up in his brace. His heated eyes are solely focused on mine causing my body to quiver. I need to not give in, but my body does not listen.

I rise from the chair grabbing the remotes off of the table and handing them to him. “What do you want to watch?” I ask tentatively, my hands beginning to sweat.

“Action.” I smirk; he’s always loved action movies. Even as a kid, he loved to watch them.

I head over to the bookshelf filled with all of his favorites and settle for a Vin Diesel flick, no reason why I can’t have some eye candy. I place the movie in and walk over to the chair by the desk, pulling it to the side of the bed.

“So that’s how you’re gonna play this, huh?” G.T. says from the bed.

“I’m not playing anything. I’m going to sit here and watch a movie with you. That’s what you wanted.” He smirks and turns his head to the movie.

Vin Diesel is hot and all, but after about an hour, my eyes begin to get heavy. It’s been a hell of a few weeks, and my body is giving out on me. I rest my head on the back of the chair and my eyes droop heavily, lulling me into sleep.

“Angel?” My name being called wakes me from sleep, but the grogginess is pulling me back under. “Come here, babe.” My arm is being tugged. I open my eyes slightly to see G.T. pulling me towards his body. I have no will to fight, sleep is all I need. I climb into bed and rest my head on his arm. He places a cover over my body and pulls me tight to him. I instantly fall back to sleep.

I’m hot, really really hot. My body is on fire and I need reprieve now. My eyes open to see the source of the heat melting my body into the bed. G.T.’s arm is pulling me too tight to his side and his body heat radiates off of him. Looking up at his face, his face has lost all the tension in it making him look younger and relaxed, more like the boy that I fell in love with all those years ago.

I wish things were different between us. I wish this could work. It kills me that I’m not enough for him and it kills me more that I lost the only part of him that I had left. Tears spring to my eyes. My hand reaches for my stomach and rubs gently remembering the day I found out about her and I smile. I’d never been so happy in my life as the day I got that positive pregnancy result and that day is tarnished because of G.T.’s actions. I shake my head and pull G.T.’s tight grip off of my waist.

He mumbles and grunts but his eyes don’t open. I slide out of bed and look at the clock. 10:17pm, damn I slept a long time. My stomach growls and I realize I haven’t eaten since early morning. Looking back over at a peaceful G.T., I head out of the room in search of food.

The music blares through the clubhouse and I’m surprised I didn’t hear it back in G.T.’s room. Entering the main room, brothers, ol’ ladies and women are scattered around, most with drinks in their hands and dancing to the beat. On top of a couple of tables are women with barely there clothes dancing their asses off. Since the club is on lockdown, I know it’s a club party and not a brother one.

A club party is all the members of the club, their ol’ ladies and the entertainment of strippers. A brother party is a no holds barred party that ol’ ladies and significant others are banned from.

Cruz sits on a stool at the bar nursing a beer as I walk up to him. “Hey.” He turns on the stool.

“Hey Case. How’s the patient?” He smirks like he knows something I don’t.

I eye him. “Stubborn and sleeping.”

He chuckles which makes me smirk seeing a big guy like him chuckle. “You did good, girl.”

“I haven’t done much Cruz. Pretty much just slept the day away.” I shrug my shoulder.

“Woman. That man wouldn’t sit still for five minutes. You come along and he’s sleeping like a baby.”

“Cruz. He just likes a warm body to keep him company, and I’m just the closest thing he’s got right now. I’m sure the next one will come along in a day or so and I’ll be long forgotten.”

“You need to talk to Princess about this shit. And for the record, you’re full of shit.” He grabs his beer and leaves me at the bar.

Looking around, Becs nods his head to me and I nod back. I search for Harlow, but see her nowhere. She must be with Cooper. The thought is a double edged sword. I want to see him, but I know it will hurt to see the little guy running around, when my little one didn’t have a chance.

Shaking my head, I move to the kitchen where Ma is standing preparing food with Legs and Bubbles. “Hi.” I give a slight wave as all eyes turn to me. Ma rushes to me wrapping her arms tight around my body as I do the same.

“Man, I missed you baby girl. I’m so glad you’re home.” My insides turn warm, wanted, loved. I feel the red blush creeping up my cheeks. Ma pulls away, “Look at you! You are skin and bones, you need food, now.” She shakes her head disapprovingly.

“I eat Ma. I’ve just been under a bit of stress with school, but it’ll get better.” I reassure her not knowing if it will ever get better.

“You’ll eat now while you’re here. If I have to watch every bite you put in your mouth, I will young lady.” I grin. “And you need strength to take care of my boy.” My lips fall and my eyes close.

“Ma, it’s only for a few more hours and then he’ll be on his own, but thanks.”

“Sweetheart, my boy is a stubborn man like his daddy. You don’t give up on him, you hear me.”

I nod and the tightness in my chest returns. I give a slight cough to clear my throat. “I need to get some food for G.T. he hasn’t eaten in a while.”

“I’ll get it sweetheart.” She releases her hold on me, moving quickly throughout the kitchen.

Legs approaches, “You are so beautiful Casey and smart to boot. Your daddy is so proud of you right now.”

One small mention of Bam and I’m fighting back tears that I thought had dried up. “Thank you.” I choke out trying to hold back.

“We were all so worried when you left. We still are. I know that Bam wanted you to go to school, but can’t you do that online or something so you’re home?” I stand there shocked at her words. Never once has anyone really said anything about my leaving. Never once have any of them said they wanted me to stay here. “I mean, we all know you are smart and can do it, we just miss you here.” She smiles pulling away.

“I never thought about online school.” In fact, when I found out I was pregnant I couldn’t get out of here quick enough.

“Just something to think about.” She winks moving back to the counter of food.

Bubbles giggles as she walks over and wraps her arms around me tight. “I agree with everything they said. But I want to add, G.T. needs you. He just hasn’t been himself since you left.”

I pull away from her, hurt by her words. “He doesn’t want me, Bubbles. He made it perfectly clear and I’ll be going right back to school when Diamond’s funeral is over.” Something inside of me strengthened. I just don’t care that he isn’t the same. It’s his own damn fault. Not mine. He did this, not me.

“I’m sad to hear that.” She shakes her head back and forth. “We sure do miss you.”

“I really need to get G.T.’s food and get back. He’ll be waking up soon and if I’m not there, he’ll get out of bed.” She nods, moving away.

I turn to Ma, who holds out two plates of heaping with food. “Thanks.” Ma doesn’t say a word as I leave the kitchen heading back to G.T.’s room.

Entering the room, G.T.’s eyes bore into mine as I enter. “I got food.” I hold up the plates showing him.

“You weren’t supposed to leave.” His voice is tense and strained.

“I was only gone for a minute.” I walk to the side table setting the food down.

“That’s what the phone is for. You could have called it in.” He demands.

“I needed some air. I’m here. Calm down.” I place my plate on the desk and walk back over to the bed, grabbing the small bed tray to set his food on.

G.T. slowly moves up and I place the tray on his lap along with the food. “You need to stay here with me. Alright?” His voice pleads catching me off guard. I pause and stare at him, his face showing every bit of the plea.

“I’m here. No worries. Let’s eat.” I move to the desk and bring my plate to G.T’s side table. We eat in companionable silence. I can only get a little down, my appetite still not up to normal.

“That all you’re gonna eat, Angel?” He asks swallowing his food.

“I’m finished.”

“You hardly ate anything. Here.” He holds his fork out with turkey and mashed potatoes on it to my mouth expectantly. I roll my eyes, but open my mouth to take a bite. “See now that’s not so hard.”

“The ol’ ladies are good cooks.”

For the next fifteen minutes, G.T. takes two bites and then feeds one to me. Warmth floods my body at his sweet and kind gesture. My heart flutters threatening to fly out of my chest. I try not reading more into this than it is, but he is making it difficult.

After we are done, I clear the plates setting them on the desk after G.T. refuses to let me leave to take them back to the kitchen. I give G.T. his meds and he takes them without complaint.

“Harlow said I need to change your bandage. You alright with that.”

“Better question is, are you?” My spine stiffens and my face shows resolve.

“Of course I am. I can handle just about anything.”

I remove the bandages, seeing for the first time the wounds that could have ended his life. My gut clenches at the thought of losing him. It’s one thing to not be with him, it’s another to lose him forever. I clean and add the salve from Doc and bandage him all back up.

“Why don’t you go back to sleep. I’m gonna work on some homework.” I move around the bed to the desk sitting in the chair.

“I think we need to talk.” My blood runs cold; there is no way Harlow had the chance to talk to him without me around. I continue looking at the desk.

“About?”

“Angel, come sit down.” I blow out a deep breath the coldness in my veins heating fast, nerves begin to rack me.

I get up slowly and sit on the edge of the bed. He grips my hand tight and the most unexpected words fall from his lips.

“I lied.” I stare at him having no idea what he’s talking about. “I didn’t fuck that woman who came out of my room that day. I lied about that.”

I gasp and jump out of his grip moving quickly away from the bed. “Why would you do that?” I try my damnedest to hold back.

“I’m a fucking dumbass.” He grumbles and I wait. “Bam wanted you to go to school, get your degree.” He pauses. “And you need someone better. Someone who doesn’t live this fucked up life.”

Anger rises in my gut. Strength I thought I’d lost when I lost Mia comes back in full force. I move quickly to the other side of the room needing some space. “Fuck you! I needed you! I wanted you and only you! And I’m sure you fucked anything that came in front of you.”

“No.”

I stare at him. “So this whole fucking time, I thought you cheated on me. That I wasn’t enough for you! That my pussy didn’t satisfy you.” I turn away not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing the welled up tears. He does not deserve them.

“Not good enough?” G.T.’s voice reverberates through the room making me jolt. “You’re too good, Angel. Too perfect. With you, I don’t want anyone else. I don’t need anyone else.” I hear movement over by the bed.

“Do not get out of that bed.” I demand between clenched teeth. “You pass out again, I’m leaving your ass on the floor.”

“Angel. Look at me.”

“No.” I am not falling for this shit. “I saw you kiss her G.T. Don’t tell me that was a figment of my imagination.”

“That was a thank you peck. It wasn’t a kiss. She cleaned my room, Angel. That’s all.”

“So you’re telling me you never fucked her.” I bat the tears away focusing on the anger bubbling inside of me.

“I didn’t say that. It was before we got together.” He did this. If he wouldn’t have lied, I would have told him about Mia and I wouldn’t have lost her. It’s all his fault. “Look, I fucked up. I know it. Please come here.”

“It’s your fault. It’s all your fucking fault!” I scream so loud I think the walls will shudder. Fury races through my body and I cannot control anything, especially my mouth. My hands shake and my vision becomes hazy. “You’re the reason she’s gone. If you wouldn’t have lied and told me the truth, none of this would have happened!” I clench my fists wanting to punch something, mainly G.T.’s face.

“Who is she?”

“Mia!”

“Who in the hell is Mia? You’ve got me lost.” I don’t even register the confused look on his face because I don’t care. I don’t care about anything. Nothing.

“The day you told me I wasn’t good enough, you remember that? Well, it was the day I was coming to tell you I was pregnant!” His eyes widen. “Yeah. Your baby growing inside of me, but no, that happy moment got crushed because you were a fucking prick!” I scream.

“You’re carrying my baby?” His eyes move to my stomach, my very flat stomach, his forehead wrinkles. I hold on to the fury and grab it with both hands because if I break now, I’ll be in a pile on the floor. Fury is the only thing that can get me through this right now.

“Had G.T., had your baby growing inside of me.”

I turn to him and he straightens on the bed standing up to his full height, well over six feet. His face turns menacing and if I were anyone else, I’d probably be shitting myself right about now. But I’m not. I stand my ground.

“You mean to tell me you aborted my baby?” Each word comes out in rage, a small amount of spittle with each word. His words make me snap and lose all sense of reality.

“No, you fucking prick! No! I would never kill my baby!” I point to my chest to punctuate the word my. “I miscarried, you fucking asshole!”

He crosses his arms over his chest, wrinkles forming around his eyes like he’s in deep thought. My body is breathing so hard I’m beginning to feel light headed, but keep my head up. “You weren’t going to tell me. You fucking left here, carrying my baby and weren’t going to fucking tell me, Casey? What the hell is wrong with you?” He seethes.

I laugh not a happy one but a what-the-fuck-am-I-doing one. “I was coming back to tell you, even if you didn’t deserve to know. I was waiting until I found out if it was a boy or a girl!”

“You fucking said it was a girl.”

“I don’t know for sure. It’s what I think she was. I lost her before I could find out.” My grasp on the anger is beginning to slip, but I hold on by my fingertips.

“So if I wouldn’t have gotten hurt and Diamond wouldn’t have gotten killed, would you have even fucking told me? Or would you have just gone on living your happy little college life up north?”

“Fuck off. I’m done explaining myself to you. You know about her and your twenty-four hours is officially up in my book. Stay the hell away from me while I’m here.”

I walk to the door and grab the handle. “How do I even know the baby’s mine?” He questions from behind me snidely.

The knife that he just stabbed me with had become encased in my heart. Anything left inside of it shrivels into nothingness. “You don’t. Guess you have nothing to be upset about.” I turn the handle of the door and slam it behind me. I turn to go to my room, but stop. If I go there, I will cry myself into oblivion. I need to be around people, it will be the only way to hold myself together.

Walking into the main room, I head directly to the bar where Buzz is standing with a smile as he sees me, but it falls. “What’s wrong girl?” He asks innocently enough.

“Nothing. I need a bottle of Jim and a glass, please.” I motion to the bottle on the wall.

Buzz gets them and pours my first shot, the burning seeps through my body and I can feel the exact moment it hits my stomach. I close my eyes at the fire, but open them quickly pouring another one. I don’t normally drink, but screw it. Screw it all. I pour another and another, shooting them both back quickly.

“You might want to slow down there sunshine.” Tug says from behind the bar next to Buzz.

I wave him off and pour my next shot. My head is already fuzzy, but I can’t stop myself. The music and the commotion around me does nothing to deter my interest in the golden amber liquid in front of me. If only I can forget, just for a while. I gulp another and the bottle is snatched away from me.

I turn my head to the culprit and sigh. Becs. “What are you doing, girl?” The little girl inside wants to shrivel up in his arms, just to feel some closeness with Bam, but I refrain.

“Just having a drink. That’s what we do around here, Becs. Drink, screw and drink some more.”

“You’re done.” He says with authority, I roll my eyes.

“I am not done! Give me a bottle and I’ll take it to my room.” I yell looking into his eyes that are laced with deep concern.

“No, care to tell me what the hell is going on?”

“Guilt!” is boomed from across the room and all movement in the clubhouse seizes. I blow out a breath, wishing I was back up in Cherry Vale, even if it reminds me of Mia, it’s better than this.

I ignore him and turn to Becs. “Just give me one more, please.” I plead, but it falls on deaf ears.

“Guilt from what, Casey?” I shake my head at Becs question.

“From not telling me she was pregnant with my baby and leaving like a fucking coward!” G.T. yells. The audible gasps around the room make my stomach constrict, even if what he’s saying is a lie, it hurts.

“Go to hell!” I yell over my shoulder.

“You’re pregnant, Casey?” Becs asks gripping the bottle in his hand so tight, his knuckles turn white. I thought for sure he’d crush the bottle.

I look him in the eyes. “I lost her.” I whisper softly only to him, but no doubt everyone in the room heard it.

“Yeah. She says she fucking lost it. How do I know she didn’t kill it herself?”

I jump off the bar stool fast and aim straight for G.T., my head a bit foggy. “I fucking did not kill my baby! I loved her more than I loved anything in this world. I’m the one who carried her for thirteen weeks and two days. I’m the one who felt her growing inside of me. I’m the one who took care of her as if she was the most precious thing in this world. Me!” I seethe not caring if the entire club hears my business because more than likely they’d all know by morning anyway, may as well let them to know the truth.

“Because you didn’t give me a chance!” He bites back.

“But remember what you said? You don’t know if she was even yours. Considering I’m a whore who sleeps around with all your brothers. Whose do you think it could have been?” I tap my finger on my chin pretending to be in deep thought. “Hmm… Oh, I bet you think it’s Tug’s right?” His face lights up with red fury. “Don’t worry, we never had sex. You’re the only asshole I let touch me!” I shake my head. “God, I was so fucking wrong about you.”

“And I was about you! How could you keep our baby a secret?”

“Because you’d just told me that you wanted to fuck other women and that I wasn’t good enough. How did I know you’d be happy we were having a baby? You’d just told me you didn’t want me. So what was I supposed to say? ‘Hey G.T. now I’ve got your baby. You’re stuck with me.’” I shake my head. “I wouldn’t do that. I left to build a life for myself and my baby. You were going to know her, but I’d have a life for her with or without you.”

“That’s so big and noble of you.” He coughs. “Problem. You should have fucking told me from the start.”

“Well, I didn’t. And if I could do it all over again, I’d do the same damn thing. You’re the one who fucking lied. You set all of this in motion. You, G.T.! One lie was all it took to set this big ball in motion. You are just as guilty in this as I am.” I turn and head straight for Becs.

“I want a bottle.” I demand.

“Baby, you don’t have to go through this on your own.” He says quietly.

“I don’t belong here. This is Bam’s family, not mine. I’ve never belonged here.”

“That’s bullshit and you damn well know it.” Becs nods to the side to someone, but I don’t turn to look.

“Bullshit. Let’s see. I don’t fit in. I don’t live the life. I don’t ride. I don’t fight. Do I need to continue?”

“You think all that shit matters, Casey? You being Bam’s daughter makes you family.” Becs’ voice is calm and I want to scream at him.

“No. It makes me an obligation.” Tears form in my eyes but, I blink them back. I’m so damn tired of tears.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Harlow bellows from behind me, I breathe out deep holding back the roll of my eyes.

“I’m going to my room!” I say moving away from Becs and meeting a very pissed off Harlow.

“Not part of this family. Are you fucking kidding me right now, Casey?” Her face is mere inches away from mine and I can smell the peppermint on her breath. I go to move around her, but she stops me. “Oh no, you don’t.” She sidesteps and grabs my arms. “You are not a fucking obligation. If you were, we’d all be considered that. These men and women love you Casey. They’d lay down their fucking life for you. How do you not know that?”

I shrug not knowing what to say. My whole life I’ve felt like an outsider looking in, never really being part of it.

“Bullshit. Don’t you remember graduation? The party all of these people threw for you?”

“That was for you, Harlow.”

She eyes me and tilts her head. “You really believe that don’t you?” I nod.

“What about when you and Bam finished your car? You remember that night?”

“That was for Bam.”

“Holy shit. You really don’t see it.” I hang my head letting the humiliation course through me.

Harlow begins pointing to the member’s one at a time around the room. “See them. See?” I shake my head. “Babe. This entire club loves you. Those parties were for you, too.”

“Then why don’t I have a club name, Princess?”

Harlow looks behind me and I turn to see Becs standing right behind me. “Bam never wanted you to have a club name. He asked us not to.”

“Why would he do that?”

He clears his throat repeatedly and comes to sit next to me. “Bam was a bit more traditional with the club. He told all of us that your ol’ man would give you a club name if you chose to be part of this life. It’s not easy. You know that and Bam wanted to make sure that it was your choice.”

“If that’s the case, I’ll always be Casey.” I mumble. Becs and Princess look at each other and I roll my eyes. “I need to lie down.” I say to Harlow. “I have to or you’re going to be carrying me.” I look around and see G.T. is no longer around and sag in relief. I cannot do this anymore. The fight is leaving me fast.

“Come on. I’ll get you settled.”