The Book of Firsts

Twenty-Four

Cursing, I came out of my hiding spot and trotted hastily up the beach until I could see him swimming steadily away from the shore. He hadn’t been dressed for the water, had been wearing knee-length cargoes and a tropically-patterned shirt. One of the pair of the thick-strapped flip-flops he’d been wearing floated back toward me on a wave.

I shed my own sandals, my towel and bag, and went after him, trying to remember the chart of rips and tides I’d looked at when I’d arrived at the resort. The peninsula hadn’t been marked for safe swimming, but that might only be because there were no lifeguards.

Bran’s pace was not hurried, but he was still a taller, stronger person than me, so we were a considerable distance out by the time I caught him. He noticed me before I had to call out, and stopped swimming, turning in obvious shock. I stopped swimming as well, and floated in the swell, just looking at him. It took several beats before he actually recognised me in the vivid light of the moon, and then he scowled.

"So eager to fuck me?"

"Less than eager to have to tell Kyou and Rin that I passed up a chance to warn you about cramp, and the dangers of night swimming."

He stared at me, furious, then said: "You think too much," and turned and swam back to shore.

I followed him, relieved to discover that while the tide was going out, it wasn’t insurmountable, though my muscles were feeling the burn by the time we reached shore. I hadn’t been swimming at all lately, beyond the day’s languid SCUBA session.

Bran reached the peninsula and stood just outside the wash, rigidly upright. I ignored this display, searching the shadows for my belongings and collecting them together. Then I sat on a rock and began towelling my hair.

"Go back," he said, roughly.

"I spent enough time on Friday wondering if you were dead. I don’t plan to repeat the exercise tonight."

"Friday? Why—?" Bran paused. "Oh, the attacks. I didn’t think of that."

"Just thought ending the game as impolitely as possible was the way to go?"

"Didn’t care one way or another."

"Honesty," I noted, with a short laugh. "Do you want me to find Rin or Kyou and send them down here?"

He was backlit by the moon, so I couldn’t be sure of his expression, but I thought he’d stopped glowering.

"No need. I was only swimming."

"Sure. Totally convincing. You go back then."

He sat down on the sand instead, possibly just to be contrary, or perhaps because he needed to. He was facing away from me, so I couldn’t be sure, but there was a weariness in his posture I hadn’t noticed before.

His tone, however, was still acerbic. "Have you somehow mistaken yourself for a friend? Someone who has a right to interfere?"

"I thought I was the judge. Nor does friendship have much to do with how anyone would react to seeing someone walk fully clothed into the ocean." I tilted my head, trying to decide whether it was safe to leave him here, or if I should keep him talking. "No, I don’t think we’re friends. Passing sparring partner would fit better."

"Passing?"

"You think you three won’t cut all ties with me once the game is done? I sure do."

He glanced around at me, then turned back to the moonlit water. "I’m surprised you’re so self-aware."

"One of the first things I checked was whether any of you were likely to end up in the same faculty as me at Helios. I wouldn’t enjoy constantly running into you three next year and have you all treat me as a stranger."

"Doesn’t that bother you? Used and discarded?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Discard would imply me being in a bin somewhere, instead of simply, y’know, not having anything to do with you anymore. No matter how popular you are at Corascur, you’re just three people among billions. Not the centre of the universe." I sighed, and slung my towel around my neck. "Yes, there are complications to this game that could lead to me getting hurt. But the fact that it has an end date isn’t a major one. I’ve changed schools more often than I have favourite games, and simply choose to enjoy whatever I encounter, rather than cling to things I can’t keep."

The words applied equally well to him as me. He knew it, and responded by sending me an irritated look over his shoulder. But then he lay back on the sand, staring up at the stars, and I thought that maybe we’d passed a critical juncture, at least in terms of him trying to swim out to sea.

"Have you ever been in love?" he asked.

"No."

"What about your boyfriend?"

"I liked him a lot, but more in a very fun person to be around way than anything I’d call love."

"Has anyone ever told you you’re quite cold?"

"No. Why do you think I’m cold?"

"Nothing seems to bother you."

"I think I’m similar to Rin—difficult to move profoundly. I suspect I’m by default a little warmer, though. He strikes me as someone who gives everything to the handful of people he respects, while being indifferent to the rest. Layered over with that kind and gentle persona."

"So, you’ve never cared about anyone enough to need them, to not be able to give them up."

"What does that even mean? People aren’t oxygen. I’ve been sorry to leave some people behind, but their lack isn’t going to make me go blue in the face." I paused, then continued: "I went diving with Meggan today. She’s pretty nice, and I can understand why you’re finding it hard to get over her. But it’d also be polite to listen when she tells you she doesn’t want to be with you."

"But she hasn’t."

"What?"

"Meggan hasn’t said she doesn’t want to be with me. She said that I have to walk away from Rin and Kyou to be with her."

I stared. Bran was still gazing up at the stars. The irritation had gone from his face, and his harsh voice was matter-of-fact.

"Okay, my opinion of Meggan just fell off a cliff," I said. "What a shitty thing to do. What does she have against Rin and Kyou?"

"Nothing, really. We’ve all known each other since we were kids. She and Kyou will mock each other gently, but never with any edges. Rin treats her as a fifth sister. I just spend all my time with them. I care about them more than her. All my future plans revolve around them, not her."

"According to you or Meggan?"

"I thought my future revolved around Kyou, Rin and Meggan, but even there I had to concede her point. Why should she settle for an equal place in my heart? I love you as much as my best friends is a pathetic romantic declaration."

"I could understand asking you to spend less time with them, but did she really expect you to abandon them?"

"She told me I would always choose them over her. Turns out she was right."

I thought about it, trying to picture myself in love with someone who would never make me first. "Did you keep standing her up on dates? Forgetting her birthday?"

"No, I am an extremely attentive and thoughtful boyfriend," Bran said, sounding sarcastic, though possibly telling the truth. "But once comparisons get in your head, how do you stop counting?"

"You made this decision almost a year ago. Why are you walking into the ocean now?"

"I was going swimming," he said, without heat. "I wasn’t thinking about what I was wearing, I just wanted to take my mind off things, nothing more."

I found myself believing him, though still felt it was a dangerous thing to do. "Try taking your mind off things somewhere with life guards, next time," I said, standing up. "I’m going back."

"Can I undo last Friday?" he asked suddenly.

I stopped. He was still lying on his back, staring up at the stars.

"I’m not a forgiving person," I said. "Particularly when my time’s been wasted."

"But you wouldn’t have even stopped walking if there wasn’t a possibility," he observed. "What do I have to do?"

"Crawl over broken glass."

He laughed. "You sound like you think I wouldn’t do it."

That gave me pause. Bran’s past demonstrated his self-destructive tendencies—or a willingness to damage himself in a purely calculative way.

While I hesitated, he climbed abruptly to his feet and crossed to stand behind me.

"I’m sorry," he said, lowering his harsh voice and speaking directly in my ear. "I was looking forward to it too much, and couldn’t accept that, and ran away like a child. I won’t be so discourteous again." His voice dropped further. "Haven’t you ever heard that if you save a life you’re responsible for them forever?"

"Not a real proverb," I said, trying to keep the temptation from my voice. "Not a real rescue, either, according to you."

"Let’s give it a partial credit," he said, moving to stand in front of me. "Be responsible for me for the rest of the year."

He bent to kiss me, and I didn’t move away. Bran in the moonlight by the ocean was a little beyond my ability to resist. And his kisses truly were exquisite.

We spread my towel on the sand, and undressed each other in an unhurried way, then lay together for more kissing, and some exploratory touching. Bran’s skin tasted of salt. He was a little more cut than Rin and Kyou, and I traced the distinct abdominal lines, and then his already-erect penis, and delighted in the way his breath shuddered in his throat, and the way he fought to stay still, and how he failed, hastily pressing me down, fumbling into position.

The sensation surprised me. I’d already seen that Bran’s penis curved to the left, but I hadn’t expected how distinctly I’d feel that. His breath was hot on my cheek as he began experimenting with pace, clearly paying attention to how I reacted, but repeatedly starting to pump faster, and then reining himself back. This constant change of rhythm wasn’t unpleasant, but it kept me from progressing very far before he ended.

Bran slumped down, panting, his cheek pressed against mine. He took two breaths, letting slip a ragged, very exposed sound, and after a moment I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and just held him. I would have had to be blind to miss that Bran regarded this as the end of his relationship with Meggan, a final step away. I wondered if he’d talk, or go through another whiplash change of mood, but he simply started kissing me again.

I had discovered a lot about Bran this evening, but what I found over the next few hours was that he learned fast, and had seemingly boundless powers of recovery. Possibly he could have kept going the entire night, but my phone cut through the nth round of kissing.

It was the generic ringtone I used for unknown contacts. I considered ignoring it, for there were very few people who knew my phone number, and all of them had unique songs assigned, but then I reached back a hand, found the thin strap of my carry bag, and hauled it over. Bran switched to eating my breasts, so I shifted onto my back as I pulled the phone out and swiped the screen.

"Hello?"

Kyou’s very recognisable voice came to my ear. "Cheshire, have you seen Bran?"

I paused, then passed the phone to Bran. "For you."

He took it, activated the speaker function, and then put it on my chest. "Sorry, I killed my phone."

Against the background of soughing waves, Kyou’s silence was as loud as a shout. Then he said: "See you soon?"

Bran hesitated, then said: "Yeah, heading to the room now. Ten minutes."

"Okay."

The call was cut, and Bran sat up. "How to make your friends want to strangle you in one easy step," he said.

"Are you going to tell them you were just swimming it off?"

"You can. They’ll be sure to ask. I’ve been a lot of work for them this past year, but they don’t seem to have tired of me yet."

I put my phone away and sat cross-legged, watching him dress.

"I’m going to wait here for a while," I said. "I can’t risk both of us coming back at the same time."

"Good idea," he said, buttoning the top two buttons of his shirt, but leaving the rest free. He knelt beside me then, but instead of kissing me as I expected, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. "Thanks for the safety tips," he said, and left.

I stayed where I was until I could no longer hear his footsteps in the sand, and then I took my towel into the surf for a little clean-up session before spreading it on a rock in the vain hope it would dry quickly. After dressing, I sat down and thought about the night and the moon and games that had inevitable endings.

The conclusion was going to be hard, but I had already accepted that. Nor did I regret changing my mind. Bran was definitely more work than Rin and Kyou, but he interested me. I mourned the loss of the voice I’d only heard once, but had to admire the determination he’d shown in escaping family control. I suspected I’d enjoy talking to him now that he wasn’t trying to alienate me. I’d also never had so much sex before, and was very sore, but regretful we’d been interrupted. The kissing alone was worth it.

My phone chimed to announce a text message. Come to the Four Seasons View.

That was a café on the roof of the hotel that wasn’t open in the evenings. I texted 10mins, picked up my towel, and walked back, checking the time.

Half past eleven, and the pool party had wound down. This was, after all, still a high school trip, where drinking alcohol wasn’t permitted no matter our ages, and a host of activities were waiting the next day. I arranged my damp towel around my neck before hitting the lighted areas, unsure if Bran had left visible marks places I’d regret. A mirrored panel in the elevator gave me a chance to examine myself carefully as I rode to the top of the resort’s main building, but I couldn’t spot anything.

Four Seasons View wasn’t much more than a collection of tables in one corner of the roof, with currently-closed umbrellas in the middle of each, and chairs stacked nearby. Brightly moonlit, it would be a bad place to meet, if not for one corner cast into pitchy shadow. I walked directly toward this, as it was the only logical place Rin and Kyou could be waiting.

"Have a seat, Cheshire," murmured Rin, as I paused on the edge of the shadow, waiting for my eyes to adjust. He took my hand and led it to the back of a chair and then, from the sound of it, sat down himself.

"You probably heard the gossip from the pool party," I said, feeling my way into the chair.

"Meggan and Tomas?" Kyou said. "Yeah. Bran saw it?"

"Saw it, walked directly to the end of the peninsula, did not stop, was heading straight on 'til dawn when I finally caught up with him."

"Damn." Rin, barely audible.

"He said that he was just swimming to take his mind off things, and I ended up more or less believing him, but I think there’s sometimes not a difference between planning to do something and putting yourself in a situation where you run out of options. What kind of person is Meggan, really?"

"Aspirational," Kyou said. "Will probably end up running some large charity somewhere, and doing it very well. Doesn’t suffer fools, rescues stray animals, has a surprisingly silly sense of humour, but otherwise thoroughly trained to be ladylike at all times."

"Has she had any other boyfriends, after dumping Bran?"

"Not to my knowledge."

"Bran didn’t show up on Friday," I said. "Which annoyed me a great deal, but gave me plenty of spare time to think about Bran, and the attacks on you two. Particularly how Rin had said Bran’s worst nightmare was getting his voice back."

"Bran said that," Rin corrected.

"But Bran’s not a kid anymore, and having his voice back wouldn’t change anything substantive. Meggan seems to be by far the most powerful avenue of attack, and though I don’t know how open-ended the whole them or me thing was, seeing her finally move toward a different relationship—"

"Back up," Kyou said. "What them or me thing?"

"He didn’t tell you that?" I hesitated, then shrugged and went on: "Meggan didn’t dump him. Meggan said something in the order of separate yourself from Rin and Kyou or lose me."

Silence. I could hear one of them shift position. Then Rin said: "Noted," in the coldest voice I’d ever heard from him.

"Anyway, these attacks seem targeted at points where you’re particularly vulnerable. Meggan is Bran’s weak point. But only Meggan could control the timing of her publicly moving on. So, what kind of person is Meggan, really?"

"No," Kyou said, after a moment’s pause. "I don’t believe Meggan would attack us, let alone do anything to Bran. This ultimatum…that does explain a lot about why Bran has seemed so stuck this past year, but Meggan has always loved Bran, and she’s not so unbalanced as to twist to hating him just because she couldn’t change how much of him he was willing to give her."

"The entire school would know that Meggan moving on would impact Bran," Rin said. "But there’s a very limited number who could influence Meggan, or at least be sure she was moving that way. We’ll think that over. How did Bran seem when he left you?"

"Calm. But Bran’s had a different mood every time I’ve met him, so I’m not the best judge. For what it’s worth…" I paused, then continued: "I think for these challenges, more of them have been newer to Bran than they are to me."

"New…really?" Kyou was outright surprised.

"I suppose they might have wanted to wait for marriage," Rin said. "Admirable self-control."

"Not that I’m quite in the same league as swimming out to sea, but I think maybe he’s made a big step toward leaving her behind tonight." I shrugged. "I’m not sure. I find Bran really hard to read because sometimes he’s so…forward, and then he turns around and behaves like he’s being dragged from his maiden bower, and neither seems like an act to me."

"Bran’s both a jaded cynic and an ardent romantic," Kyou said. "And the image of you dragging him from a maiden bower is…well, I’ll send you something later. And then," he sighed, "we will erase tonight’s phone logs, and I suspect I will have to face Bran competing properly for Tuesdays. I haven’t seen you at all this trip, Cheshire, swimsuit or otherwise."

I chuckled. "Well, it’s too late to sign up for the sandcastle competition, but you can always watch," I said, standing up. "Just remember that my extremely unrevealing swimsuit is all your fault."