The Book of Firsts

Sixty-Nine

I visited Corascur a couple of times over the study break, ostensibly to use the library, but mainly to make it not so unusual for me to be there on Sunday afternoon, the day before the start of exams. The very first exam was one of my most important, and should really be the easiest, since maths has always been fun for me, but despite a lot of careful meditation and structured routine, I was struggling with my nerves. Rin took one look at me, and shook his head.

"You look exhausted," he murmured, replacing the bars.

I pulled a face, waited until we were inside the garden, then said: "My inability to sleep when stressed is always an excellent reminder that I’m mere and mortal."

"Mortal perhaps, but hardly mere," Rin said, drawing me into his arms. "Do you think you’d be able to do the exam in your current state?"

"Sure. But when I’m tired, it’s too easy to slip up on tiny details. And tomorrow I’ll move from forgetting my bus pass to struggling to spell my own name."

Rin smiled. "I never thought I’d enjoy the role of sleep aid."

"If I do sleep well tonight, you’ll be more of a lifesaver," I said.

He squeezed me tightly, but then released me. "Let me look at you properly. I’ve barely ever seen you out of school uniform. Except in the most literal sense."

"This is my default," I said, letting him view my jeans and dark red t-shirt. "Because I move so often, I keep to a few staples." I wrinkled my nose. "I’ll be in trouble if I have to move cities this year because now my things don’t fit in my suitcases anymore."

Rin wordlessly drew off my t-shirt, then shrugged off the long-sleeved jersey he was wearing and placed it over my head. I laughed, a little startled, then obligingly slipped my arms through the sleeves. Then I unhooked my bra and did some minor contortions to remove it, followed by my sneakers, jeans and underpants.

"Happy?"

"Very." He rearranged the shirt so that it was slipping off one of my shoulders, added: "One more touch," and drew a blindfold from his pocket.

"You think I don’t like looking at you?" I asked, amused.

"You’ll get your fill later," he said, blocking my sight. "Stay still a moment."

He stepped away, and I stood patiently, shifting a little when a gentle woodwind piece started to play. Recorders, I decided, but ones with deep voices. They wound about each other in a leisurely way, and very much fit the mood of the embrace that Rin drew me back into. He’d shed his clothes, and grew increasingly aroused during the slow kisses that followed, but never seemed to approach the limits of his self-control.

Finally, when I was considering slamming him to the ground and having my way, he let me go for a few moments, and then wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. Nuzzling my throat, he lifted me a little and pushed carefully inside me. Then his arms tightened, and he sat down.

We’d done this position before, back during the Simon Says challenge. I think Rin liked it because I reacted so strongly, pressing back against his chest, but also because, to use the most appropriate cliché, he could play me like an instrument.

I liked it because it felt ridiculously good.

Rin’s excellent self-control meant that by the time he was inclined to move on, I was already a limp rag. The hazy murmurs I made when he finally let go seemed to please him enormously, and he hugged me back into his arms afterwards, covering my face with tiny kisses. I floated, caught by the winding music and complete relaxation, but then gripped his arms and made myself sit up.

"Falling asleep here would be a mistake," I said.

"I was wondering whether to let you." Rin stroked strands of hair out of my eyes. "But I agree it’s too risky. Get dressed and I’ll drive you home."

"That’s…"

"I borrowed a car that people won’t recognise," he assured me. "In case this really did help. Passing out on public transport would be dangerous."

"You’ve obviously not ridden on enough buses if you think you could sleep on one for more than five minutes. I’d shoot out into the aisle on the first corner. Which I guess is also dangerous."

I went outside to clean myself up and came back in to give Rin back his shirt, and enjoy watching him get dressed. He was such a coat hanger, all collarbone and angles.

We didn’t linger or try to stretch out the moment. He let me out through the fence without a word, and I heard the gate being pulled shut behind me as I walked slowly down to the dovecote. Ending things without fuss, which was not unsurprising from Rin.

Since the day I had encountered Carr and Natascha at the dovecote, I no longer felt the spot was entirely safe. The view might currently be deserted, but anyone could decide to walk along here at just the wrong moment. Still, my body felt somehow both floating and heavy, and it was probably a good thing that Rin had decided I wasn’t capable of managing a bus trip, especially since my bus came less frequently on the weekend. It was not too long before a nondescript white sedan drew up at the curb, and I could slip quickly into the passenger seat.

"Can you send me a copy of that instrumental piece?" I asked. "Were those recorders?"

"Yes, and yes. Does it draw you as a sleep aid, or do you want it for the associations?"

I laughed. "No, because it made me think of towers, and I want to design an unlikely city around the sound."

He glanced at me, then back at the road. "I think that’s perhaps the most complimentary thing anyone has ever said about my music. Will you show me your city, Cheshire?"

"Sure. They take me a while to do, though. My cities are very detailed."

"Something to look forward to."

I hoped that he’d still be interested in seeing it when it was done, and changed the subject. "Are you worried about your exams? Have you had another audition?"

"The final is next week. The exams this week…" He shrugged. "There shouldn’t be any issue. Other than battling Kyou and Bran, of course."

"The important part."

"Of course. That, and getting you through these exams. If you haven’t fallen asleep by ten, feel free to message me, and I’ll come over and exhaust you."

"I hope it won’t—hmm, that’s the wrong way to put it. A tempting offer, but I’m almost convinced it won’t be necessary."

"Make sure to let us know your level of delirium tomorrow morning."

"If I’m delirious, I’m not sure I’d even manage my phone password, but I’ll try."

The trip that usually took twenty tedious minutes by bus was already over. Unable to find parking, Rin let me off at the curb, simply saying: "Save the first dance for me, Cheshire," before he drove off.

I watched him go, then shook my head. The chances of me getting anywhere near him at that dance were dim. But I’d like it very much.