The Book of Firsts

Seventy-Two

"You look like a flower fairy," said Lania’s younger sister, Nuala, deeply envious.

"You do," the makeup artist agreed, stepping back from her close work on Lania’s face. "All done."

Lania stood up and gazed down at herself.

"Like it?" I asked.

"I love it so much that I desperately want to keep it," Lania said, turning in a slow circle, a vision in fuchsia and damask rose. "Is there any way, Mika?"

"Money," I said, with a shrug. "I’ll ask Jojo."

"You have to keep yours. It’s a total goddess look."

I glanced at myself in the mirror. The dress hid my weaknesses and emphasised my strengths, transforming me into a graceful willow with a long length of sexily exposed back. I’d been saving my online tutoring money for my Peru trip, and really did not have the budget for ballgowns, but I had to admit I was tempted. I wanted to dress like this on days when I was bored, and dance barefoot with three beautiful boys.

"Take a photo," I said. "I’m going to be unsubtle at my parents."

Lania and I posed for photos. Her brother Sascha produced some excellent shots, which I sent to Jojo with effusion, and to my parents with regret. Then it was time to send off the two experts we’d hired to primp us, before setting off with Mrs Nichols to the school.

"Who do you want to dance with most?" Lania asked, fidgeting with the layers of her gauzy skirt.

"The Three Kings," I said, honestly.

Lania laughed. "Get in line."

"I know. I figure I might get to see them from the back of the crowd. But it would be a nice last memory of Corascur to have that romantic ballroom scene." I hesitated. "I’ve had a chance to chat to them occasionally, and they almost live up to their legend."

"Yeah." Lania sighed. "Super smart and talented at practically everything. Rin somehow gets more beautiful every year. It’s so annoying."

"Is he who you want to dance with most?"

Makeup hid much of Lania’s flush, but then she shrugged. "No, I want to dance with Carr. And I probably will. Carr’s very good like that."

The tone was resigned, a little sad. I turned over my impressions of Carr, then asked: "In your first year here, did you go to that Rose Court Afternoon Tea?"

"Oh yes." Lania did not hold back a caustic edge. "Sirocco drew me in very neatly. I thought I was living in one of the sweeter varieties of Otome novel for a while there."

"All girly chums and shared confidences?"

"I used to come home and talk about all the amazing friends I’d made. Sirocco’s actually a really interesting person, but she’s a bit stuck in her mother’s expectations." Lania glanced at her own mother, driving without comment. "She’s also really, genuinely, deeply besotted with Rin, and I’d feel sorry for her if she didn’t feel the need to nip potential rivals in the bud."

"Hasn’t Rin had girlfriends? Did she do anything to them?"

"Four girlfriends. None of them lasted longer than three months. That’s nothing to do with Sirocco, who never went near them, so far as I know. More that Rin’s so untouchable."

"Not according to the forums. Unless all that stuff about him matching his height is pure fanfiction."

"Untouchable emotionally," Lania said, giggling, but then sobered. "Among the Three Kings, Kyou’s actually by far the nicest. Rin is very courteous, but I don’t think he’s interested in people. With a few exceptions, people are something he tolerates. I think that’s why I eventually started liking Carr. Carr is outright kind."

I hummed deep in my throat, then said: "My impression of Carr is that he’s thoughtful, considerate, and a peacemaker. He doesn’t stir trouble, and he looks for amicable solutions. Definitely kinder than Rin. But would Rin ever participate in any way in a game of Rub Your Nose in the Pecking Order?"

"You mean the Afternoon Tea? Carr was too polite to turn down helping out."

"Sometimes you have to be a little rude, if you’re going to stand up for people."

Lania looked at me in surprise. "I thought you liked Carr."

"I do. But that disappointed me."

The fact that Carr had done precisely nothing about Lania being bullied on the school trip might also have been an underlying reason I turned him down. Of course, he might have acted without me knowing, or at least spoken to the culprits, but I’d seen no sign of it.

"Nearly there," Mrs Nichols said, breaking the depressed atmosphere. "Don’t forget your bags. Make sure to use rated drivers on your way home. Call me if there’s any issue. And have fun!"

"Big entrance time," I said, putting on my mask, and then collecting the tiny clutch that held my phone and key.

"Judging from the crowd streaming in, we’d need to be fashionably late to really make a big entrance," Lania said, as her mother entered the curving driveway that cut across one corner of Corascur’s grounds, allowing a mass number of cars to drop off students with the least amount of fuss.

Gathering my skirt, I slid out of the car, thanked Mrs Nichols, and admired some of the impressive vehicles, and equally impressive outfits within view.

"I’m feeling extra glad we didn’t go with the off-the-rack dresses," I said.

"Same," Lania said, waving goodbye to her mother. "I’ll never be a person who can recognise whether a dress is this season, last season, or unearthed from the mists of time, but I have discovered that a gown made specially for me makes me unspeakably happy. I’ve decided to become the kind of person who can afford such treats."

"Good plan," I said. "I wonder if I could ever make myself rich enough to build my own bridges?"

We spotted Celeste, who was positively spectacular in a pale lemon chiffon, and caught up with her to say hi and exchange compliments before being side-tracked into discussing which classes we were heading for next year. Celeste was deeply interested in bio-synthetics, and innovations for artificial limbs, so she, Lania and I would have some intersecting classes, while not being enrolled in the same degrees.

After spending the last couple of days in Sports One helping with the construction and decoration, its transformation came as no surprise, with only the final touches of flowers and balloons added since our last visit. A miniature Venice, with the Rialto Bridge proudly dominating one wall, and backdrops painted with elaborate buildings and gondolas to hide the stark steelwork of the hall.

Although it was almost ten minutes before the dance formally started, we still walked into a wave of music and chatter. Perhaps two thirds of the attendees had already arrived, most entirely recognisable despite masks both simple and elaborate. I couldn’t help but look immediately for Rin, whose height would make him easy to spot even in a throng, but there was no sign of him.

"Lania. You’re looking…sweet."

Time for the Inevitable Mean Girl Encounter. Katerina, flanked by Alexa and Daphne, her no-doubt sour expression hidden by a deep blue mask. Helpfully, Sean also arrived at this moment, and spared us the need to answer.

"Lania! Oh, my god, that dress. You look Adorbs!"

"I know," Lania said, happily. "I love it completely."

"You’re looking thoroughly fabulous yourself," I told Sean, appreciating his vivid emerald suit.

"Why thank you. I spent a century looking for something I liked, and then Lania told me you were going with custom made, and I decided that was really only logical."

"Custom made?" Katerina asked. "Who was the designer? Or did your mother run it up for you?"

"No." Lania paused for this much-anticipated moment, then said: "Jojo de Court."

"Never heard of him." Katerina almost sounded relieved.

"Someone from a local dress shop?" Alexa asked, in a pitying tone.

"Not everyone can afford Valentino," Katerina murmured to Daphne, not bothering to keep her voice low. "Well, enjoy yourself you two."

She started to move away, but paused to stare at Sean, who had apparently been struck by lightning.

"Sky of Diamond Jojo de Court? Oscar winning costume designer Jojo de Court?"

Lania nodded. "Remember Mika said she’d had a chance to be an extra? She also helped out the costume design crew."

"Colour me agape," Sean said. "Lania, how did you not tell me?"

"It was a struggle. Especially when it arrived and was even more than I hoped for."

"It’s beautiful," said a new voice.

Turning, I saw Sirocco, ethereal in white and ice blue. She nodded at me casually, smiled at Lania, then said to Katerina: "Jaxon is looking for you. Didn’t you promise him first dance?"

The reminder prompted me to try to spot Rin again, but then I shrugged and gave up the idea. "Let’s check our bags," I murmured to Lania, and left rather than spend any more time with people I didn’t like.

We headed straight for the corner where a temporary room had been constructed to keep belongings secure, and changed our bags for silver rings engraved with numbers, which I thought a useful variation of a bag check ticket.

"Welcome to the Fifty-Second Corascur Seniors' Ball," someone from the Broadcasting Club was saying as we emerged. "Find your partners, please, for the first waltz of the night."

"I’m set to dance with Sean for first dance," Lania said, glancing at me a little worriedly. "Are you—?"

"In that dress, could you really be worried she’ll play wallflower?"

Kyou, flanked by Rin and Bran, was standing behind me. He wore a black cat mask, while Rin wore a white fox, and Bran a silver wolf. For a moment I couldn’t understand where they’d appeared from, then realised they must have been inside the bag check area.

"With me, Mika?" Rin asked, holding out a hand.

Almost tangible envy filled the room as I accepted, and I noticed Sirocco in particular, staring transfixed. Then she looked down and away, and I felt a little sorry for her. Liking is a terrible thing.

"Willing to dump Sean?" Kyou asked, holding his hand out to Lania, who immediately looked stricken. Kyou laughed, and added: "Bran will take care of him, don’t worry."

Sean’s reaction was perfect, jerking upright as if electrified, and then turning wide eyes on Bran, who held out his hand in response. "Leading or following?" he asked.

"F-follow," Sean said. "Anywhere." The tone was light, but his hand trembled as he took Bran’s.

"In the mood to make people’s dreams come true?" I asked Rin softly, as he led me to the centre of the floor.

"Combining a determination to avoid certain people with acknowledging a few that we generally respect. Sean’s an ardent admirer of Bran in particular, but he’s never pushy about it, and he does a lot for marginalised students. Why not make him happy on the last day of being students here? Speaking of which, this dress is beyond everything I hoped for, Mika."

"It couldn’t get much more backless, at any rate," I said. "I’m not sure I can adjust to you calling me by my name."

"The beginning of a new stage of knowing each other," he said, as the first gentle notes of music sounded. "And also safer."

We stopped speaking, at least in part because it was the first time I had danced in such a crowd, and I had to concentrate. I also wanted to admire the way my skirt flared at every opportunity, which was extremely enjoyable. Once I’d grown in confidence, I looked up at Rin, and found him smiling in a way that very much fit his mask.

"You’re very beautiful tonight, Mika. It makes it difficult not to kiss you."

"That would definitely cause some excitement," I said, quite tempted. "Would you tell people you were suddenly overwhelmed by the occasion?"

"Moved by the spirit of dance? Not likely. It’s your eyes that bewitched me."

Rin in full compliment mode was something to adjust to, but I can’t say I disliked the hint of mischief, the lazy sense of power. A very different version of him than the perfectly gentle Student Council President.

"You don’t enjoy dancing?"

"With you, yes. Usually, not particularly. I associate it with events we didn’t want to attend, dealing with people that bored us." He shook his head, and closed his eyes briefly. "Just my sisters' birthdays to get past, and I can take the last step out of the cage."

His voice throbbed, and he was no longer smiling. I really could not understand Rin’s parents, who had taken a boy who lived for music, and taught him to wear a mask.

"I’ve drawn the map of your city," I told him softly. "And started on the approach to the central aeolian towers."

His hand tightened on mine, then he murmured, "Entirely impossible not to kiss," but only leaned forward a little before stopping himself. "I won’t reward you by painting a bigger target on your back than I already have."

"Lucky I’m about to leave the country," I said. "By the time I’m back, today will be old news. And even if someone did target me, well, you’re not the only person who likes to set people up and sit back to watch the fun."

He laughed, then grimaced as the music shifted into its final movement, and for a moment looked deeply unhappy. "We’re only going to dance with you once each tonight, Mika, but I’ll talk to you later."

Dance done, he bowed, and I belatedly curtseyed in response, and then looked around for Lania. I spotted Sean first, bowing to Bran and then hid his eyes as if too completely overwhelmed by his treat. I walked, over, smiled at Bran as he followed Rin toward the announcer’s podium, and said to Sean: "Overwhelmed?"

"Floating," Sean said, laughed a little wildly, and then hugged Lania as she came over. "Best. Day. Ever."

"Kyou said they wanted to dance with the people they respect the most," Lania said. "Then spent a lot of time teasing me about blushing."

Sean shook his head, said: "I didn’t think this could get any better," and hid his eyes again.

This declaration from Kyou added an extra level of entertainment to proceedings, as dances were interspersed by brief speeches, and Corascur’s Three Kings actively sought out dance partners while showing no hesitation in refusing many of those who made requests. I danced in turn with Rick, Lania and Sean, and then a foxtrot was announced.

A tall, dark-haired boy wearing a dragon mask stepped up to me, and lifted a hand, saying: "My turn," but before I could react Bran arrived, took my hand, and simply walked away with me.

"I have no idea who that was," I said.

"Kade," Bran said briefly. "Full of himself. Cousin."

The revelation that there were more of the Laurent-Beaulieu clan attending Corascur made me lift my eyebrows. Vaguely recalling the name, I said: "Oh, I know. He asked me to the dance on the last day of classes. Lania said he doesn’t come to school often."

"In France usually, winning hearts at the old head office. Most likely to win the dog fight for inheritance of the majority of shares once Rin and Kyou completely walk away from it."

"Aren’t you considered a contender?"

"I’m too unstable."

He didn’t sound bothered by this statement, although his general mood seemed to be serious verging on sombre.

The music lifted, and I gave up talking because foxtrot required more of my concentration than waltz. Bran effortlessly made up for my occasional misstep, and my heart raced as we crossed the floor, weaving between other dancers, registering to me only as flutters of gaily coloured skirts, and the glitter of sequinned masks.

"Exhilarating," I said, as the music died. "I might actually do this some other time."

"You’ve been practicing," he said, finally smiling.

"With Lania and her family. But it’s so different on the larger floor."

"One advantage of buying an old dance school is that there’s many big rooms. We’re keeping enough open space in the one with the best floor that we’ll be able to dance there." He started to speak, but then glanced around us and let go of my hand. "My turn for a speech," he said. "Talk to you later."

Hearing this, I stayed where I was, even though my feet had started to complain, and I’d planned to sit the next dance or two out.

"You and Bran looked incredible together," Lania whispered, coming up to take my arm.

"I didn’t know he was going to speak. His Vice Presidency seems to mainly involve glowering at his feet."

"He does a lot of the technical work, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him do any public speaking."

We weren’t the only ones surprised, and a small hush fell on the room as he stepped up to the microphone situated neatly at the apex of the miniature Rialto Bridge.

"More people than I can remember reached out to me the last couple of years," Bran said, without preamble. "Even when I pushed them away, they still watched out for me. Never underestimate how a few words, a chance encounter, can change the course of your life." He glanced at Rin and Kyou, looked down at his feet, and then out over the assembled dancers. His voice dropped to a lower note as he added: "I can’t thank you enough."

Ignoring the scattered applause, he walked away, joining Rin and Kyou. They left through the exit opposite the bridge, where the first aid and administration tents were set.

"Less by-the-book than the rest of the Executive," I said, hoping I wasn’t visibly flushing.

"He sounded so heart-felt," Lania said, surprised, then grimaced as a slow dance was announced. "Let’s go out."

"I want to take these shoes off for a while," I said, agreeably.

Lania led the way to the area set aside for rest and refreshments. We grabbed bottles of water, found a corner seat, and immediately slipped off our shoes.

"Is the strategic sticking plaster not holding up?" Lania asked.

"Working well, mostly," I said, picking at the edge of the one that had slipped. "It’s more running back and forth with my heels jacked up several inches. My toes are asking what they ever did to deserve it."

"I thought about going with flats, but I’m so glad I left nothing to criticise. I swear my back must be a pinboard with how many darts Katerina has been shooting my way."

"Have you danced with Carr yet?"

Lania shook her head. "I saw him early on, but I haven’t seen him dancing. I am two out of three on Kings, though, which has been fun."

"Same."

"I’m hoping Rin dances with me just to see Sirocco’s expression. She looked…" Lania hesitated, then said: "Well, she looked very sad when he danced with you. Sometimes I wish Sirocco behaved like Katerina—then at least I could hate her properly."

"Making yourself feel better by watching people bully your rivals isn’t worthy of sympathy."

"No. But sometimes I can understand the temptation. Do you ever think you’ll eat your heart out for someone, Mika?"

A few months ago, I would have answered with confidence. Now…

"I’m sure—fairly sure—that I wouldn’t be like Sirocco. If I liked someone who seemed indifferent or even actively disliked me, I’d mope for a while, then move on. But I also think it’s possible that moving would be…" I stopped, and started again. "I do think it’s possible to become so accustomed, uh, to find yourself fitting so well, that their absence…"

Lania was looking at me with a very odd expression.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"Who is what?"

"I’ve never seen you so disordered. It can only be because there is someone you feel that way about. And not Christophe Barrington. You don’t talk about him like that at all."

"Well," I said, after a pause. "Which person in this school would you say I’ve become accustomed to?"

Lania tilted her head, then laughed. "You weren’t going all disjointed over me. Try again."

I smiled, but turned the conversation to whether to skip the next dance as well. Eventually, I would probably give Lania some form of the truth. She had become a real friend, and one I would keep even if I didn’t manage to stay in this city. But I doubted I could talk about my emotional entanglements for at least six months. Maybe a year. Now, with only a dance with Kyou left, I was completely unsure of my ability to move on to being just friends. Which would be harder: to torture myself being close to what I couldn’t have, or to cut ties completely?

Rin, Kyou and Bran were noticeably absent for the next few dances. I did take a turn with Carr, who was carefully correct, and thankfully saw he went on to ask Lania for the next foxtrot. I decided to sit this one out as well, perhaps because I spotted Kade heading in my direction, and decided I didn’t want to dance with him at all. That my turn had rubbed me the wrong way.

Taking the simplest way out, I went to the bathroom and lurked for a little while, fiddling with strands of hair in the mirror. Then I went and wandered along the path between Sports One and the library, sorting out my thoughts.

Enjoy where you are now. It had been my philosophy for as long as I could remember. Leaving people behind was a part of life, and I had never been so resistant to the idea before. But I would cope.

"Mika."

Kyou’s voice, so distinctive and rich. I turned and looked at him, his face hidden by the black cat mask, his body lean in his closely-tailored suit.

"The south lawn seems an excellent spot for dancing," he said. "Would you like to test it out?"

The south lawn wasn’t far away, but it was surrounded by hedges, and so I nodded immediately, and followed him through the trees.

"How did you know where I was?" I asked.

"Saw you leave the building. Had your fill of socialising?"

"I didn’t want to dance with your cousin."

"Who? Oh, do you mean Kade? Was he obnoxious? He doesn’t actually mean to be—he’s just so used to people falling at his feet that he can’t help but treat them as carpet."

Slipping off our shoes, we walked out onto the south lawn. The moon, not quite full, was more than bright enough to show our features, and I glanced back at the area’s entrance, wondering if I could make out the shape of someone watching.

"Rin and Bran, ready to fend off passers-by," Kyou said, noticing my gaze. "Speaking of which…" He slid a phone out of an inner pocket and made some quick adjustments. "They did something we could dance to recently."

A long, low cello note sounded. Kyou arranged his phone in his breast pocket, and took my hand as a sweet violin joined us beneath the cold moon. A light breeze played with my skirt as we took our first steps, and the stars were bright. Unfettered from my heels, I floated across the lawn.

"This music is so beautiful," I murmured. "Is it another piece for one of your games? Is there a dance scene?"

"For One Step More, and not exactly. It’s meant to bring to mind a waltz, and is one of the most important pieces in the game. Rin’s shed blood over it."

I half-closed my eyes, trying to guess what the scene would be like from sound cues alone. It made me think of flying. And, like all good things, it was over too soon. I dropped my hand from Kyou’s shoulder, and he automatically moved to shut off his phone.

"I couldn’t have planned a better setting for this dance," he said, softly. "If only freezing time were practical."

He took my hand in a grip that was a little too tight, and led me unhurriedly back to our shoes, and then to two other tall figures, waiting by the path.

"Serious talk time?" I asked, gauging what I could make out of their expressions in the shadow of the trees.

"Well, catching up on a thousand postponed conversations," Kyou said. "We decided—it seems a very long time ago now—that the one thing we had to do was get you through the exams before unloading any spare feelings on you."

"Shift location," Bran said, and led the way along the hedge-lined paths to a large gazebo surrounded by flower beds.

"Is this where the Rose Court has lunch?" I asked, looking around. "I can almost see why people want to join."

"No lunch spot is worth the hoops they put people through," Kyou said, sitting down.

I picked a seat just by the stair, Bran and Rin sat opposite me, and then there was a little silence. We’d wound about enough to be relatively close to Sports One again, and a lively orchestra piece made its way through the windows, very mismatched with the moment.

"I deleted all the scores on the app," Bran said, finally. "I don’t want to know."

"It wouldn’t have mattered," I said, after a brief hesitation. "I decided to fake them to make you all come out even."

Rin laughed, then leaned his head back and sighed. "Mika, you undo me. You—this whole situation—has spiralled so far out of expectation that we’re at a loss. None of us want to end this. But we don’t want to go on the way things have been, either."

"Sneaking about was all very fun until it really wasn’t," Kyou said.

"What are you proposing?" I asked, not allowing myself to get my hopes up. If there was an easy solution, I would have already thought of it. University wouldn’t have convenient private gardens, even if we wanted to go on clandestinely. And if we were seen heading to hotels, or each other’s houses, the intense interest in everything about the Three Kings would inevitably risk the kind of exposure that I, sanguine about everything except my career, could not afford.

"We asked you to be impartial. Now, well…" Kyou’s voice actually wavered, and I saw his hands curl into fists on his knees. "Now, we want to know if you have a preference."

I found myself flushing with anger, but then I only felt tired. Bran had dropped his head to glower at his feet, while Rin, without moving, had somehow lost all his poise. They, like me, had tried to think of a way out of this trap, and failed.

"I’m not sure I’ve met anyone as close as you three are to each other," I said slowly. "Lifelong friendship, and you came ready-made with a demonstration of what happens when someone tries to pull you apart. Even if I could pick one of you—an exercise that feels somewhat on par with deciding which of my limbs I could give up—I never will. I won’t do that to you."

There was a lot more I could say, but really nothing to add, so I simply stood up and walked away from them. No one stopped me.

I hadn’t expected them to make it so hard, to tempt me with at least not losing one of them, and force me to say no.