The Secrets of a Lady

Chapter Eight

Griffin downed a second drink and stared at the fire crackling in his bedroom. Rage and jealousy coursed through him and he hated himself for both. Once again he had been knocked from his orderly existence by a woman.

Audrey in the arms of another man was just too much to contemplate. It was bad enough with Ellison, but he could console himself with the knowledge that her relationship with his neighbor was only part of her job. But the man who had been holding her in Griffin’s sitting room was something very different.

Something personal.

How many years ago had it been that he’d stumbled upon Luci and one of her paramours in that very same sitting room? Three? The memory still stung like it was yesterday.

He’d come home early from a meeting with one of his solicitors to be told his wife was entertaining in the sitting room. Though the servants had made a kind attempt to divert his attention, he’d gone in anyway, anxious to see Luci and speak to her about his day.

He had found her curled up on the settee in the lap of a young merchant. They’d broken their kiss the instant he entered, the young man apologizing as he tried to find the nearest exit. Griffin had let him escape with only a well-blackened eye and a promise never to return or tell stories.

His wife had watched it all with a bemused smile. She’d never risen in fear or tried to explain her actions. Even after the man was gone and Griffin towered over her, demanding an explanation, she had only laughed. She’d actually laughed.

What I do is my business, Griffin.

He’d been so shocked and horrified by her matter-of-fact attitude that he hadn’t been able to say anything. It had been the beginning of the end of their marriage. The beginning of pain that had only grown as he uncovered more and more of her deceptions.

“Who do you think you are, speaking to me in such a fashion?”

Griffin turned, startled from his thoughts as Audrey barged into his bedroom uninvited and slammed the door behind her. Her eyes were full of passionate anger. Despite all his conflicted emotions, Griffin couldn’t seem to control the curl of desire in the pit of his stomach.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Griffin!” she continued without letting him answer her first question. “You have no idea who Jean is or why he was here. How dare you accuse me of trading my virtue twice in one week.”

Recovering from his surprise, Griffin snapped, “Well, you must admit I have reason to think so. This is the third man you have kissed in a week. That I know of.”

He wished he could take his cold words back the instant they were said. Especially when Audrey’s face twisted in horror and her eyes filled with tears, which she blinked away.

Her anger erupted to the surface to wash away the hurt.

“Douglas Ellison kissed me. I wanted nothing to do with his vile touch, but I allowed it so he wouldn’t become suspicious of my true motives. Trust that I will not put myself in a situation where he can repeat that action.”

He had to admit Audrey was magnificent in her rage. Her eyes sparkled with azure fire, her skin glowed with a pink flush, and her breasts lifted up and down in an alluring fashion as she drew in harsh breaths of air between tirades.

“As for you…” Her voice lowered a fraction as a blush colored her cheeks. “What happened between us was a mutual… mistake. I thought we agreed upon that at breakfast. And you apologized to me, so don’t you dare pretend that it was all my doing.”

Griffin’s heart sank with regret. It hadn’t been fair to blame her for his astonishing lack of self-control. Still, he tried to remain focused.

“And what of this newest man, Audrey? Why were you exchanging kisses with him in my sitting room?”

Her nostrils flared slightly and for a moment she didn’t answer, as if she were trying to rein in her emotions enough to find words.

“Jean Beaumonte is a friend to me, nothing more. I was simply saying goodbye to him in the fashion of his country, with two brief kisses, one on each cheek. I feel nothing for the man beyond a deep and very friendly affection, and powerful gratitude for all he has sacrificed for me and for our country.” Her low, furious tone made him feel like a schoolboy who’d been put down by his governess.

He watched her pace over to the window to look down at the street below.

For the first time he realized what a position they were in. She was standing in his bedroom, just feet away from his bed, in fact. And they were arguing as passionately as he would have liked to be making love to her.

“This Beaumonte was a spy then?” he asked in an attempt to clear those thoughts from his mind.

“Yes.” Her voice dropped another level, as if breaking visual contact with him allowed her a measure of calm. “Jean was our contact when Noah and I did business in France.”

Griffin wrinkled his brow. “So he spied on his own country? The man is a traitor.”

The way she spun on her heel told him he had crossed a very thin line into dangerous territory. “Is that what you think, Griffin? Well, if that is true, then Jean Beaumonte has already paid dearly for his ‘crime’. He has no family left, no money. He’s been revealed as a spy and is no longer welcome in his own country, yet ours is little better because he is a Frenchman visiting us directly after we conquered his emperor. He rescued me, and that’s something I’ll never forget, no matter what you say.”

Griffin paused. Curiosity overwhelmed any remaining frustration in him, and he took a step closer, leaving only a foot of space between them. Audrey drew in a short breath at his movement, as if she were finally becoming aware of where they were, but she didn’t move away from him.

“How did he save you?” he asked softly.

She held his gaze. “He rescued me from a man who wished to steal the virtue you think I give so freely.”

Griffin closed his eyes with a soft groan. In his anger, he’d made an erroneous assumption about the woman before him.

“I’m so sorry.” He opened his eyes to reach out to her hand. She allowed him to take it without resistance.

“You haven’t truly known me for many years, Griffin Berenger,” she whispered, rubbing her thumb across the sensitive webbing between his thumb and forefinger and sending a shock of awareness through his veins. “Please don’t assume you do just because we’ve shared two kisses.”

Griffin smiled down at her, unable to resist when the room was getting hotter and beginning to spin around them. Not when she was staring back up at him with eyes he longed to lose himself in.

“Three.”

“Three?”

“Three kisses.” He dipped his head to brush his lips against hers.

She made a soft sound of surprise at the back of her throat that quickly dissolved into a moan of pleasure. She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kiss, teasing him with her darting tongue until he crushed her against his chest. He filled his senses with the way she felt, tasted, smelled, intent on imprinting her impression on him.

“I think,” she gasped, breathless as he moved his lips from her mouth to the curve of her jaw and then the delicate skin of her throat. “You were jealous of Jean.”

He lifted his eyes with a smile. “Jealous?” he repeated. “Perhaps a little.”

Moving her toward the bed until her back came in contact with the wooden bedpost, he continued his assault on her mouth while he allowed his hands to explore. Starting with her shoulders, he slid trembling fingers down her sides, just grazing the curve of her breasts.

Ignoring her gasp of surprise, he trailed them down her waist to her hips. Once there, he grasped the smooth curve and pulled her up closer against him so she would be certain how much he wanted her.

A second gasp was Audrey’s response as her thigh came in contact with something hard beneath Griffin’s breeches. She knew from her conversations with Hannah that this was the proof of a man’s desire. The feel of it startled, but also intrigued her.

Though her mother hadn’t had ‘the wedding night talk’ with her, Audrey did have an idea about how the joining between a man and woman worked. She’d always considered the sex act to be a bit strange, but the way Griffin made her feel… If making love to him would leave her even a fraction as breathless and hot as she felt at the moment, perhaps it wasn’t something she’d mind experiencing.

Griffin’s hands came up to wrap around the bedpost behind her, trapping her in his embrace, though she felt no need to escape. In fact, she welcomed his touch. It was like living a dream.

With his arms up, she could see every line and contour of his chest straining against his white cotton shirt. He was broad, proportioned just right for his muscular shoulders and long legs. With trembling hands, she unlaced her fingers from behind his head and slowly repeated his earlier action, dragging the digits down his chest. The muscles bunched beneath her touch, tightening as his pupils dilated with desire.

“Oh, Griffin,” she sighed, leaning up to kiss him again. But instead of returning her kiss, he suddenly stiffened, backing away from her a step as he shook his head.

“I’m going to stop now.” His voice was gentle as he released the bedpost to take her hands in his.

“Why?” Confused tears stung her eyes as she realized she was to be rejected yet again.

“Because if I don’t now, I won’t be able to.” He touched her cheek with the back of his hand.

She closed her eyes at the gentle caress, her desire flaming once more. “What if I don’t want you to stop?”

His jagged breath made her eyes fly open and she watched as he took another step away.

“You think you don’t now, but later you’d hate me. And I would hate myself.”

She turned her head as the heat of desire turned to humiliation. “I understand.”

Yes, she understood perfectly. All this kissing and desire was some kind of reaction to six months of loneliness. He didn’t want her, he wanted a warm body in his bed. And when he thought of the consequences to that body being hers, he backed away.

“I don’t think you do understand.”

An awkward silence slammed between them like a steel door. Audrey fidgeted in her spot for a moment, trying to regain some of the confidence the past five years had given her. If only she could change the subject, perhaps she would remember how strong that time had made her.

“How did the dinner go then?” The slight tremor in her voice made her wince.

Ducking his head, Griffin shrugged one shoulder, evidence that he was as uncomfortable with their current situation as she was. “It went well enough. Ellison was his usual preening self, but he didn’t reveal anything of use to your case.”

“And where is Noah?” she asked as she slowly edged away from the bed toward the door. When she’d been angry, going into Griffin’s room hadn’t seemed like an outrageous thing to do. Once he started touching her, she hadn’t cared where they were as long as he was holding her. But now, rejected and embarrassed, she realized just how compromised she was.

Still, she couldn’t help but peer around the room, curious about Griffin’s private life. The chamber was strangely sparse, the only ornate piece of furniture was the large four-poster bed facing the fire. The rest of the pieces were plain and small, almost as if they didn’t fit in the enormous room. A door led off to her right and another to her left. One probably led to Griffin’s sitting room or study and the other to Luci’s bedroom.

With a shiver, Audrey turned her face down to stare at the wood flooring. The last thing she wanted to do was think of Luci’s bed, Luci’s room, Luci’s life in this house.

“Noah went off to put a bit of pressure on a lovely widow who he thought might have some information,” Griffin answered with a flash of a grin that brought her back to reality.

“Oh, good Lord,” Audrey laughed as the tension eased out of her body at her brother’s latest, predictable antics. “He never misses an opportunity, does he?”

Griffin frowned. “Did your brother often leave you alone on missions?”

She smiled sadly. “I suppose he did it often enough over the years. I expected it, for there were places only he could go. I always had Hannah to protect me and keep me company.”

“Yes, but you must have been lonely just the same.”

Griffin finally took her silent cues and opened the bedroom door to motion for her to step out. She followed his lead, leaving the masculine place where she’d nearly begged him to take her innocence and entering the bland hallway where they could both pretend nothing had happened between them. Though she should have felt relief, Audrey couldn’t help but take a backwards glance at Griffin’s room before allowing him to take her to the library down the hall.

“I suppose I was lonely from time to time. But I knew my role,” she answered as she settled into a leather chair by the fire and watched Griffin pour himself a snifter of port.

When he offered her a glass, she nodded.

“What do you mean, you knew your role?” Griffin took the chair beside her as he handed her the glass.

Slowly she sipped the wine, letting its rich, heady flavor fill her senses as she contemplated the question.

“Everyone has a role to play in life,” she began. “Right now you’re playing Lord of the keep, are you not? The great Viscount Berenger, future Earl of Ashton? Once upon a time you dreamed of other roles. I remember privateer and war hero were two of your favorites.”

Griffin gave her a half grin. “I’m surprised you remember those children’s games.”

“I remember everything.”

He didn’t answer, though his face tightened at her honest answer. For a moment she wished she could take the words back, but realized it would be pointless. Griffin obviously knew what a ninny she’d once been and what a silly girl she still was.

She struggled to continue her explanation. “A-at any rate, what Noah and I do is only an exaggerated playing of those roles. Noah plays the rake. He has enough power and money to influence those around him, but is allowed into the seedy underbelly of society if he chooses to play out his vices there.” She grinned. “And I’m sorry to say he relishes the role.”

Griffin laughed as the tension around his eyes bled away. “I imagine he does.”

“I believe Hannah’s role is the most interesting,” she continued. “She isn’t only my protector and maid, but her past allows her to do things most women would never dream of.”

“Her past?” He cocked his head with interest while he sipped his port.

“Hannah was once…” she paused, searching for a genteel word for her maid’s former profession. “She was a… well, prostitute is the best word for it.”

He stared at her in disbelief. “Hannah?”

“You wouldn’t know it to look at her now, would you?” Audrey said with a nod. “Noah found her God knows how and God knows where. I don’t ask and they don’t tell me. She left that life to join us. However, knowing the ins and outs of that world has come in handy to us many a time.”

“What do you think of Hannah’s former life?”

Griffin’s question took her aback for a moment.

“Hannah frightened me when I first met her,” she admitted with a blush. “I’d always been sheltered and taught that a woman who sold herself was the lowest person one could meet. But Hannah was so kind. I imagine her story was one of many young women. She was thrust into that life by circumstance. I cannot judge her when I was raised in a fancy house with everything I could ever desire. I never knew her kind of desperation.”

She watched Griffin closely for his reaction. Most men of the ton saw prostitutes and mistresses as simply another way to relieve their male needs. They rarely looked on them as human beings. Many of the gentlemen she knew would have recoiled in horror if she’d implied that a woman in that position was worthy or good.

He simply smiled at her.

“You’ve matured so much in five years.” His voice grew bitter when he continued, “A woman with Hannah’s past can be the most caring and decent woman, while one respected by society can be a harridan and a fraud.”

At his harsh tone, Audrey leaned closer. The brief anger and betrayal that had clouded his eyes faded in an instant.

“So what is your role in the masquerade?” he asked as he cleared his throat.

“My role,” she answered with a small sigh. “Is that of the lady. It’s the most boring of the bunch.”

He let out a short burst of laughter. “Why?”

“I wear the beautiful gowns and the elaborate hairstyles, but I cannot ever do anything dangerous. I’m simply there to listen and learn what I can from the gossip of the aristocracy. You’d be amazed what people will say when they’ve had a few drinks and enough turns around the dance floor to make their heads spin.” She shrugged a shoulder. “No one feels they have to respect me, though. I’m only the bait for the traps my brother lays.”

“Isn’t it better that way?” he asked. Though his tone was nonchalant, she didn’t miss the way his hands gripped his glass even tighter. “You’re out of danger then.”

She rolled her eyes. “I am capable of doing more. I can shoot, in fact Noah says I’m good with a pistol.”

Griffin’s nostrils flared and his face paled. “I’m sure you are, but the thought of you in the middle of a gun fight…”

He trailed off as he finished his drink in one gulp.

“Why do you assume I wouldn’t come out the victor in such a situation?”

The one thing she longed for most was respect for her independence and capabilities. Though Noah allowed her into his world, he’d always kept her on the fringes. In fact, the case with Ellison was the closest she’d ever come to real danger. Now she desperately wanted Griffin, of all people, to recognize that she was competent enough to take care of herself.

His frown lengthened. “I’m sure you believe you could manage it, but…”

He stopped as he met her eyes, allowing her a glimpse of all the concern mirrored there. While it gave her a thrill that he cared enough for her to worry over her safety, she hated that he lumped her into a ‘helpless female’ category with everyone else.

“I could manage.” Rising from the chair, she walked to the fireplace. As she turned, she crossed her arms in a challenging stance.

“Well, with that look of pure venom in your eyes, I have a tendency to believe you.” He laughed as he stood up to come to her side. “Could we call a truce on this issue, Audrey?”

“I suppose,” she conceded.

She was surprised when he reached out to take her hand. He drew it to his lips gently, burning the delicate skin on her fingers as if she’d put her hand in the fire. Why did he push her away only to draw her back to him half an hour later?

“I’m sorry,” he said, as if he’d read her thoughts. His voice was husky as he released her. “I shouldn’t keep doing that.”

“Why do you?” Her voice trembled as she drew the hand he’d kissed up to her chest.

“I don’t know.” He backed away as he ran his fingers through his thick hair. “I keep telling myself I’m a fool for wanting you. That it can only lead to problems for us both, but then I get near you and…”

Trailing off, he uttered a soft curse. “I apologize again, Audrey. I shouldn’t speak so freely about such things.”

Her heart slammed against her rib cage. “Don’t. I’d rather you be honest with me than to lie and treat me like some fragile dove.”

A small smile lifted one corner of his lips. “I would never insult you by treating you as such. But I shouldn’t send you mixed messages either.”

She frowned. “What do you suggest?”

“Perhaps we should try to stay away from each other,” he said with a quick sigh. “Though we’ll be forced together at events, there is no reason why we should be alone.”

“I see.” She hoped her tone was noncommittal and didn’t reflect her disappointment. “If that’s what you want.”

He took a few brisk steps toward the door. “It isn’t what I want, Audrey. But I think it’s what both of us need.”

With that, he was gone, disappearing out the door. When she heard him enter his chamber, she covered her eyes with her hands. What had begun as such a glorious night had ended in bitter disappointment. Though she should have been familiar with such emotions, they hurt.

Taking her time, Audrey went to her own chamber. When Hannah appeared in the doorway from her room, Audrey smiled.

“I thought you were never coming to bed,” Hannah grumbled, her eyes heavy from dozing.

“I needed to speak to Griffin about tonight.” In the mirror, she saw her friend’s eyebrows shoot up. “Don’t fret. Nothing happened.”

It was a partial lie, but there was no reason to go into the whole exchange. As Hannah came and helped her take down the rest of her hair, Audrey watched her in the mirror. The only person who could help her understand men was the woman she’d come to trust over the years. Not only did she have experience, but Audrey knew she would keep any secret as long as it didn’t endanger their mission.

With a sigh, she said, “Hannah, I wanted to ask you a question.”

“What is it, love?” the older woman asked, putting another hairpin between her lips as she worked Audrey’s curls down over her shoulders.

“Well…” Heat rushed to her limbs. “I wanted to know exactly what pleases a man. What makes him want to go to bed with one woman over another? And what one can do to make him stay?”

Hannah coughed and sent pins flying across the room. “You’re certain nothing happened between you and Lord Berenger, now?”

Audrey’s face flushed darker, but she nodded nonetheless. “Nothing that I can’t manage.” She questioned if that statement was truthful. She certainly couldn’t say she’d ‘managed’ anything tonight. “But he confuses me and I want to know why he behaves the way he does.”

“Well, that is a whole other subject.” Hannah laughed, sitting down on Audrey’s dressing bench beside her. “I’ll do my best to explain the mysteries between a man and a woman, but I’m not sure you’ll like the answers.”

An image of Griffin’s mouth grinding against hers as their bodies moved together flashed into her mind. With a shiver she said, “I might just like the answers fine.”