The Secrets of a Lady

Chapter Twelve

Audrey sat on the window seat in her chamber staring out at the London streets below. Carriages swarmed around corners and in and out of alleys as the cream of the ton made their way home from Hyde Park. With a sigh, she stepped away from the window and let the curtain fall to close out the scene from her view.

What had happened after Griffin had dragged her away? Had her brother and Hannah searched frantically for her? Had Ellison carried out some kind of plot?

There had been no news of an assassination, so she assumed Noah had done his job to keep Ellison and his men from following through on any kind of major plan. But that was only a guess, and there was so much at stake that she was wary of going by instinct alone.

Noah was probably furious, and after she gave her explanation… that Griffin had carried her back home like a ruffian… he’d be even angrier. And what about Douglas?

A man like Douglas Ellison probably wasn’t used to being deserted by a woman, nor having his lady abducted. She only hoped she could repair all the damage done by Griffin’s actions. And her own.

“It was worth it.”

She sat down at her dressing table to brush her still damp locks of hair before lifting them into a simple bun at the nape of her neck.

Griffin was right, a warm bath had soothed the painful sting between her legs. Of course, now that the pain was forgotten, all she could concentrate on was the memory of the pleasure she had experienced in the carriage. Nothing she’d been told had prepared her for how wonderful making love had been. Especially making love to the man she had loved almost her entire life.

Outside, the sound of a carriage coming to a stop on the drive and the bustle of rushing servants caught her attention and pulled her away from her scandalous thoughts of Griffin’s touch.

Finishing her hair, Audrey straightened the plain, gray gown she’d changed into after her bath and hurried downstairs. Even before she made it to the foyer she could hear Griffin, Noah and Hannah talking.

Arguing.

“And just why the hell did you take her home?” Noah shouted.

When she rounded the corner, she could see her brother’s face was as angry as his voice.

Audrey stepped from the last stair. Before she could interrupt, Griffin answered, “An arrow whizzed by her head, Noah! She could have been killed! I did what I thought was right under the circumstances.”

Her brother pursed his lips, though his cheeks paled a shade. “Why didn’t you find me? We could have evaluated the situation and decided our best course of action. Do you know the kind of explaining I had to do with Ellison?”

Audrey rushed two steps forward. “Was Ellison very angry?”

Noah turned from Griffin to look at her with wide eyes. Without a word, he grabbed her into a fierce hug.

“Is this true, Audrey?” Hannah reached out to touch her arm as Noah released her. “Were you nearly get hit by an arrow at the reenactment?”

Casting a sidelong glance toward her brother, Audrey nodded. “I believe it was a misplaced shot by one of the revelers. I don’t think I was its true target.”

“But you can’t be certain, can you?” Griffin’s sharp tone forced her attention to him. The anger he held just beneath the surface was evident in his every movement.

“We’ve talked about this,” she said, lowering her voice a notch to counteract the two men and their yelling. “I don’t feel you should have hauled me away from my post.”

Griffin took a step back as his face twisted. “But are you sorry?”

With a start, Audrey realized he was asking if she was sorry he’d made love to her in the carriage, just as she’d asked him earlier. Slowly, she shook her head.

“I am not sorry.” She accentuated each word so he would understand her. “I’m sure you did what you felt was right at the time.”

She turned to her confused brother and Hannah. “Noah, what did Ellison say?”

“He wanted to know where the hell you were.” Noah shook his head. “Since I didn’t know myself, it was hard to come up with a lie. I saw Griffin’s carriage was gone when I made my initial sweep of the area, so I told the man you’d gotten faint and gone home.”

Audrey nodded her head. “And he accepted that?”

“Reluctantly.”

With a sigh of relief, Audrey covered her heart with both hands. “This may take some work on my part, but I’m sure I can convince him I didn’t want to leave his side.”

Griffin let out a small snort behind them. “Has it escaped all of you that Audrey was nearly killed tonight? How the hell can you send her back into the line of fire with that man?”

As Noah turned to look at his friend, Hannah met Audrey’s eyes with a questioning stare. Doing her best to look innocent, Audrey quickly turned away. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to find out the intimacy she and Griffin had shared.

“How many times must I explain to you that my sister is a trained agent of the Crown?” Noah sounded like a schoolmaster lecturing a student. “I realize it’s hard for you to look at her and see her as such. You probably still see her as the little girl who used to shadow us everywhere…”

“No,” Griffin interrupted with a smile only she could interpret. “I certainly don’t see her as that. I know she’s a woman. But I’m not sure she can manage all you’re asking her to do.”

This time it was Audrey’s turn to protest. “Now wait just a moment. You don’t know anything about my ability to handle today’s event or anything else that has to do with my job.”

“I know you,” he said softly. His intense stare made her keenly aware of how well he did know her. All of her. Each and every inch.

With a blush, she continued, “You know me, but not as a spy. Griffin, my brother and I asked you to help us by allowing us to use your estate here in London. We asked you to accompany us to the events of the celebration to deflect suspicion from us. But we never asked you to get so involved.”

“You also never told me I would be forced to watch you curl up in the arms of a traitor. Or that I’d see you nearly killed.” His voice elevated once more. “Did you?”

Audrey turned her face, feeling his biting words as if he’d slapped her. Despite everything they’d shared that day, he didn’t understand her. Worse, he didn’t respect her abilities. That stung worse than any of his previous rejections.

“I see there’s no use in talking to you about this,” she said as she turned away. “Noah, I’d like to speak to you a bit more about today and the mission. May we go somewhere private?”

Noah looked from Griffin to Audrey with a pinched face. “Yes, of course. Griffin, you and I will continue this discussion later.”

Griffin didn’t answer, but turned on his heel to stalk away. As he mounted the stairs and disappeared from sight, Audrey let out the air in her lungs as a sigh.

Hannah looked from brother to sister with an arched eyebrow. “Noah, since you’ve already debriefed me, I’ll go upstairs. I can speak to Audrey when you two are through.”

Audrey grasped her friend’s hand with both her own. “Thank you. I appreciate all you’ve done.”

With a squeeze of her hand, Hannah walked away. Audrey turned to her brother with as much of a smile as she could muster after her unpleasant exchange with Griffin.

“Shall we go to the sitting room?”

“Perfect.” Her brother’s eyes narrowed with questions, but he took her arm nonetheless and led her inside. When the door was closed and Audrey was settled into a chair by the dying fire, Noah looked at her.

“What really happened today?” he asked, his voice low as he prepared a sherry for Audrey and a glass of port for himself.

Every muscle in her body tensed as she looked up sharply at her brother. If he had sensed the tension between Griffin and her, she didn’t believe he had guessed the true cause.

“It’s complicated, Noah.” She rubbed her eyes with her fingertips. How could she explain what she, herself, didn’t understand? “Griffin is desperate to protect me. He doesn’t think I’m equipped for this.”

Sitting down in a chair beside her, Noah handed her a glass and took a sip of his own drink. “And are you?”

With a tilt of her head, Audrey glared at her brother. “Tell me Griffin’s ramblings haven’t made you forget the past five years. They haven’t made you forget all my training or the fact that I have encountered dangerous situations before.”

“Of course not,” Noah said with a sigh. “But this is different. You’ve never had to play the pawn so fully before. And there’s never been an outside force distracting you.”

“Outside force?” She set her drink on the table between them.

“Don’t play me for a fool,” he said, looking down his nose at her with a half-smile. “I know Griffin distracts you. God knows you distract him.”

Audrey contemplated that fact for a moment before dipping her head to break her brother’s seeing stare. “Perhaps that’s true, but I’m a professional. I’m fully aware that my duty to my country must take precedence over anything else.”

Her brother leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Then explain today.”

Her eyes widening, Audrey burst out, “Griffin dragged me out of the park practically kicking and screaming. I would have been if I didn’t know it would focus even more attention on us than we were already attracting. What was I to do, put him in a death grip?”

Noah laughed. “That would have been interesting, but I see your point.” He paused. “There was no permanent harm done. Tomorrow you and I will call on Douglas Ellison and you’ll smooth things over. I’m sure he believes Griffin ravaged you in the carriage on the way home, but we’ll make sure that notion is wiped from his mind.”

Audrey choked on her drink. “Wh-Why would Ellison think that?” she finally managed to say between coughing.

“Ellison sees him as a rival. That was more than clear after his reaction at the reenactment,” Noah explained as he patted her on the back until she regained her breath.

She frowned. “Perhaps we can make that work to our advantage.”

“How so?”

She laced her fingers together nervously. “After today, I’m certain that Ellison is on the verge of killing the Prince and causing all hell to break loose in this country. The infighting could weaken us to the point that France and any number of other enemies could attack.”

“True.” Noah leaned back in his chair. “Continue.”

“Because of this, I believe it’s more imperative than ever that I find out the identities of Ellison’s allies so we can arrest them en masse and bring an end to this.” She took a deep breath, unsure of how her brother would react to her next statement. “To do so, I need to get even closer to Ellison.”

Noah straightened up. “Closer?”

“Yes. Right now we’re courting, and I’ve made some inroads with him. But there’s no way I’m going to find out anything else unless he trusts me completely.” She paused. “I want to manipulate him into a proposal.”

Noah shook his head before she’d even stopped speaking and set his half-empty drink on the table with a clink.

“No. There are limits to what I’ll have you do. A man like Ellison will become increasingly demanding the closer he gets to a woman. I won’t have that monster touching you to seal some kind of marriage bargain.”

She shivered. If her brother was having this strong of a reaction to her plans, what would Griffin think? He hated her being in the same room with Ellison, he would be livid when he found out she wanted the traitor to propose.

She touched her brother’s hand. “I know you worry, but I can manage Douglas. Remember, I’m respectable.” She paused, thinking of just how ‘respectable’ she had been in Griffin’s carriage that day. “I–I can keep his advances to a minimum. Won’t it be worth it if we can bring down his mob without any disturbance to the Prince or his party?”

“I don’t like it.” Noah frowned, but Audrey knew him well enough to know when he was breaking under her reasonable approach.

“Of course you don’t. I don’t either. But you’re also clever enough to realize that this could be the only way. All our efforts since we arrived in London have left us with no more evidence than we had in Avonblithe. I’m the only one who can push this investigation forward.” She looked at him with loving eyes. “You’ve given me so much by letting me work with you over the years. You gave me confidence and freedom. Allow me to return the favor by helping you catch this man.”

Noah reached across to take both her hands in his and shook his head. “You gave yourself confidence and freedom. I only watched you transform in amazement. I don’t like this plan, but you’re right. It may be the best and quickest way to catch Ellison. I’ll speak to Lord Golding tomorrow morning, but as far as I’m concerned, the answer is yes.”

Audrey smiled with relief that Noah trusted her. Now if only she could convince Griffin to do the same. “Thank you.”

Her brother stood. “I’ll send a message to Golding tonight. Meanwhile, you should go talk to Hannah. She’ll be a key ally in this plan.”

She stood to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I will

“Goodnight,” he said absently.

As Audrey hurried up the stairs toward her room, she hugged herself with glee. For the first time she was going to really get to participate in a job, not just be a lookout or diversion. She’d get a chance to prove herself to Lord Golding, to Noah, to Hannah and most of all to Griffin.

Griffin.

As she passed by his chamber door, she paused. After all they’d shared that day, how would he feel about her plan to become Ellison’s fiancée? He’d probably be furious. But this was her job, and she had to do it. Griffin would just have to understand. Somehow she would make him understand.

***

Audrey entered her chamber with a broad grin on her face as she looked around. “Hannah? You aren’t already in bed, are you? I want to talk to you about our assignment.”

“And just what are these?”

Spinning around, her smile fell. Hannah stood in the entryway to her adjoining room holding Audrey’s blood spotted drawers from earlier in the day.

“I–I…” she stammered, cursing herself for her stupidity. Her mind had been so clouded with images of Griffin and worries about their plan she hadn’t taken care of her soiled things.

Hannah dropped the pantalets and came across the room to take both Audrey’s shoulders in her hands. “Please tell me you cut yourself.”

“I cut myself?” Audrey repeated, but the words came out as a timid question rather than a solid fact.

Hannah held her gaze for a long moment, then sighed. “When did it happen? In the carriage or here?”

“Cutting myself?” Audrey asked, her voice suddenly very small. She couldn’t seem to make it stronger.

With a tilt of her head, her friend said, “No. When did you give yourself to Griffin Berenger?”

The blood rushed to Audrey’s face in a hot wave. Her cheeks tingled and head throbbed. The room was suddenly spinning, moving further and further away from her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She trembled as she turned from Hannah’s arms. At the window, cold air was reflected from the glass, but it wasn’t enough to calm her.

“Hmph,” Hannah grunted. “I used to lay on my back for a living, missy. You think I don’t know the sight of virgin’s blood when I see it?”

Audrey drew in a short breath at her friend’s blunt words, then spun around. The other woman had her hands on her hips, one foot tapping from under the hem of her plain gown. She looked every inch a schoolmarm who couldn’t be fooled. Truth was Audrey’s only remaining option.

With a hard swallow, she said, “Hannah, you and I have been through very much together, haven’t we?”

“Yes,” Hannah’s tone was wary.

“You’ve been my… my best friend.”

Hannah’s green eyes filled with tears at those words. “And you’ve been mine.”

“Then promise me you won’t tell Noah what you know.” She grimaced and quickly corrected herself. “What you suspect.”

“You think I’d tell the man? Are you daft, girl? He’d rip Griffin Berenger apart and then where would we be! No, I won’t tell your brother. What is said about this will stay between us.” Her face softened as she reached out a hand. When Audrey took it, she whispered, “I promise you, Audrey.”

“Today in the carriage on the way home from the reenactment.” Audrey dipped her head while heat darkened her cheeks. “That was where… it came about.”

Hannah dropped down into a nearby chair with a thud. “Oh, Lordy. Well, it was bound to happen.”

She cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

Her friend’s answer was a little burst of laughter. “The way you two eye each other, I would have wagered it would have happened much sooner.”

Audrey eyes widened. “That’s absolutely scandalous.”

“Well, I wasn’t the one losing my virtue in a carriage, now was I?” Hannah asked with a twinkle in her eye. “Don’t hold back now, how was it?”

“It was…” Audrey paused, searching for the right word. “It was amazing. Is it wrong to feel that way? I know some of my married friends describe it as awkward and as a duty, but I didn’t feel that way at all. I felt alive.”

A sad smile lifted the corners of Hannah’s mouth. “It isn’t wrong to feel like that, love. In fact, it’s more right than the way those prudes describe it.”

“Is that how it was for you?” she asked softly.

Her friend’s face went a shade paler, and a sadness came into her eyes that made Audrey want to weep. She’d never seen Hannah as fragile as she looked at that moment.

“No, Audrey. It most definitely was not like that for me.” There was an awkward pause. “But what will you do now?”

“Do?” Somehow she really hadn’t thought that far into the future. “I don’t suppose I’ll do anything. Griffin doesn’t love me, and now that he’s had me, his desire is likely out of his system, just as Noah’s desire always fades once he’s had a woman. I’ll continue on with our plans. In fact, my brother just gave me permission to entice Douglas Ellison further. I’m going to try to get him to propose to me.”

Hannah’s eyes went wide. “Even after you shared another man’s bed? How will Lord Berenger feel about that?”

Audrey shrugged one shoulder. How could she explain to her friend that she was ripped apart inside with the knowledge that Griffin would be furious? She wanted to enjoy the memory of what they’d shared, but now it was tainted with the knowledge of what she would soon be forced to do.

“Griffin will have no say in the matter. I may have been his for a short while this evening, but I am not his in reality.”

“You really don’t understand men, do you?” Hannah asked with a short shake of her head.

The laughter in her friend’s tone left Audrey feeling affronted. “What do you mean? I’ve followed Noah around for years, and played the distraction for dozens of men we were investigating.”

“Apparently you’ve learning nothing during that time. Griffin Berenger thought he had a right to comment on your life before you shared yourself with him completely. His interference will only worsen now. When a man loves a woman, he’ll do anything to protect her.” She stood and smiled at Audrey.

“It’s a very good thing he doesn’t love me then, isn’t it?” Audrey snapped back, though her heart gave a queer shiver.

“Mon Dieu,” Hannah sighed as she walked across the room to her door. “You and Lord Berenger certainly share one trait.”

Audrey tilted her head with a snide, “And what is that?”

“You’re both stubborn as the devil himself,” she said, shutting her door with a firm snap.

“Stubborn as the devil,” Audrey muttered under her breath as she flopped into a chair and stared at herself in the mirror. “That shows how much you know Hannah Pikard.”

But in the recesses of her heart, she acknowledged the truth. Stubbornness was one of her worst traits. It had driven her from her parents’ home and into a life of spying. It had forced her to love a man for half a decade, despite the fact he could never love her in return.

Yet Hannah said he did. Griffin, love her? For so long Audrey had believed that was impossible. Now she had to wonder if she’d been wrong all along. And if she believed he could and he let her down, would she be able to recover from the heartache that rejection would cause?