The Secrets of a Lady

Chapter Eighteen

Audrey glanced at the man beside her with a grimace she could only hope resembled a smile. Lord knew the last thing she needed was for Douglas Ellison to suspect her disgust for him was growing by the moment.

He motioned to the tea set on the side table between them. “I’d like a drop more tea, my dear. Do you remember how I like it?”

Her nostrils flaring slightly, she gave him the most sweet and tender look she could muster. “Why with a drop of cream and two lumps of sugar, of course.”

“Exactly.” His fingers stroked the top of her hand. “It pleases me that you remember.”

“How could I forget?”

Her thoughts returned to how she’d taken copious notes on all of Ellison’s habits, memorizing them over the months she and Noah had been investigating the man.

She knew when he rose in the mornings, what he ate at meals, where he bought the expensive jackets and dandified shirts he wore to court her… the only thing she didn’t know was who the hell he worked with.

There were rumors he possessed a list with the names of his main associates and monetary backers, but no spy had found it yet. Even Jean, who she knew to be an exemplary, meticulous searcher, had come up empty handed on the one occasion he’d managed to get into the Ellison Mansion. With guards and high fences, the place was a stronghold.

“My dear,” Ellison’s voice ripped her from her reverie. “Your hands are shaking. Are you quite well?”

“What?” Audrey set the teapot back on the service with a clatter. “Yes, fine. I’m sorry, my mind was wandering.”

“Hmmm.” He took her cold hands in his own. “How I’d like to know where it went so I could bring it back to us.”

With an inward smirk, she wagered he would like to know her innermost thoughts. If he realized how much she despised him, how his touch sickened her every time she was forced to endure it, he would recoil from her. And if he knew her main purpose in life was to bring him and his allies to their knees, he would want her dead.

She drew her hands away with a modest blush. “It’s back to us now.”

One of the most amazing results of this act she was playing was that she no longer hated the norms of Society. As a girl she’d never quite grasped the rules and regulations that had governed courtship, but now she thanked the heavens for them nearly every day. Her blushing denials of Ellison’s advances were easily explained. She didn’t dislike him, no… she only wanted to maintain her dignity and morality.

“Very good.” His smile turned to a frown as she poured him his tea. “Because there is an important subject I wish to discuss with you.”

Two lumps of sugar fell from her spoon into his cup. She wished they were rat poison. “Really? And what is that, Douglas?”

“The ball at Burlington House,” he explained, nodding as he slipped the cup from her hand. His long, cold fingers rested on her skin for a fraction too long.

“Tomorrow, in honor of Wellington?” she asked, as if there were any other. Thousands of people had been invited, and if even half arrived it would be a jammed event indeed. It was all she and Noah had been able to talk about.

“Yes.” His voice had taken on the angry edge it always possessed when the subject of the Prince or his allies came up. “For Wellington.”

“What about it?” A shiver wracked her at the look of hatred in his eyes.

At the fête at Buckingham House a few days before, Audrey had watched as the handsome Wellington had been welcomed by the Queen, herself. She’d marveled at how cool and collected the man seemed, moving with a grace that reflected his skills not only in society, but in battle. The thought of Ellison attempting to do something to him was maddening.

“I would greatly like to be your companion that night.” Ellison’s eyes cleared to refocus on her. “I don’t want your brother to squire you away. And I certainly don’t want Berenger to monopolize all your time. The kiss we shared a few nights ago proves to me that we are more to each other than just good friends. If that is true, than I want the rest of Society to begin to see it, too.”

Audrey pretended to contemplate what he was asking of her. A whole night at Ellison’s side, only leaving to dance with the appropriate gentlemen, but always returning to him and his vile cold hands on her skin. A night like that would certainly prove to Douglas, and to Society, that he had staked his claim on her heart. If only she could stomach it. Not that she had a choice.

“I’m not certain,” she said softly. “You would have to ask my brother’s permission before I could do such a thing. After all, he’s my guardian during our travels.”

“I’m not asking you for permission,” he said, his tone suddenly peevish. “I’m asking if you want to spend an evening with me.”

She jumped at the anger in his voice. “Oh. Well, in that case, yes.”

Another smile leapt to her lips. Her cheeks hurt from all the ridiculous grinning she’d been forced to do lately.

“Good.” He rose to give her a short bow. “Then I shall do what you suggested and find your brother now.”

She stood up to escort him to the drawing room door with a nod of her head. “Very good. Then I look forward to tomorrow.”

“With all your heart?” he asked, leaning a fraction closer.

Audrey didn’t know if she could bear one more odious kiss from the man. Instead, she lifted her hand and let it rest on his cheek. Unlike Griffin, Ellison’s skin was smooth as silk, and rather unpleasant to the touch.

“With… all my heart,” she ground out.

With a smile, Douglas left the room. Closing the door behind her, Audrey allowed a shudder to wrack her from head to toe.

Sitting down in a chair, she covered her eyes with her hands. All these years she had tried to convince Noah that she was suited to more than just being a distraction in a ballroom, or picking up the gossip that often lead to the truth of a case. She’d pleaded with him to allow her more freedom and leeway in the cases they pursued.

Well, she had her wish now, for better or for worse. Ellison was taken in by her act, of that she was certain. But just how far would she have to go to convince him to give her his trust?

A sudden image of Griffin pressing her down into the bed as he ran his hands over her skin leapt into her mind.

“Not that far,” she whispered as her stomach churned.

Since she’d turned down his proposal, Griffin had been avoiding her. When he passed her in the corridors, he didn’t stop, but simply nodded a greeting as if they were strangers. The distance between them hurt, but if it kept him safe then it was something she was willing to endure.

Still, at night she awoke with the sheets tangled around her, aching for his touch. And in the morning when she looked across the breakfast table to watch him read his paper, she wanted to scream that she had changed her mind. That she wanted to be his wife more than she’d ever wanted anything, even if he didn’t love her.

Yet she didn’t do that. Instead, she choked down her tea while she prayed her assignment would come to an end soon. The longer she stayed in Griffin’s house, the harder it became to think about ever leaving.

***

The carriage moved along the busy London streets, turning corners and stopping to allow other vehicles to move from time to time. Audrey sat across from her brother, watching him look over the latest report from Golding about their job and their prey. Next to her Griffin sat stiffly in his evening clothes in an effort not to let his body touch hers.

Stifling a sigh, she followed his example and hedged away from him. While she could tell herself it was just to respect his space, she knew it was also because she wasn’t sure how she would react if his thigh brushed hers. She knew the contact would send a shot of heat and awareness through her. A longing she could do nothing about.

Why couldn’t the carriage move faster? The last thing she wanted to do was sit beside a man who had barely acknowledged her existence for three days. Things between them could never be the same. How that knowledge pained her. She couldn’t believe he’d never kiss her again, hold her again. But asking him to do those things even just one more time wouldn’t be fair to either one of them.

Noah tilted his head as he looked from her to Griffin. With an elaborate sigh, he rolled his eyes, then folded his papers, ripping them neatly in half. He’d burn them as soon as he had a free moment and a nearby fireplace. She was sure she heard him mutter something about “ridiculous”. When she dared to glance at Griffin from the corner of her eye, she saw he’d stiffened and was staring at his friend with mutiny in his eyes.

“This… this ball is important,” she stammered, trying to find words to fill the distance between them. “We shall all have to be on high alert at all times.”

“Yes,” Noah agreed. “Especially since Ellison has insisted he escorts you for the whole of the evening.”

“Well, at least I get the carriage ride free of him.”

She willed herself not to look at Griffin. Hannah had passed along that he’d been furious when he heard Audrey would be spending the entire evening at Ellison’s side. She was surprised he hadn’t confronted her directly yet. She’d waited for him to come to her room or corner her somewhere. In fact, she’d even put on her best nightgown.

But he hadn’t come.

Noah arched an eyebrow at his silent friend. “What do you think, Griffin? Will we be able to keep watch on her all night without being noticed?”

Griffin slowly turned his face toward his friend, then glanced at Audrey from the corner of his eye. His gaze didn’t linger, but flitted over her like she meant nothing to him.

“I daresay Audrey can take care of herself. That’s what you two have been trying to convince me for weeks, isn’t it?” He turned back to the window.

Noah leaned back a fraction. “You’re saying you’re out of the plan?”

“Yes.” He let out a long sigh. “I’m out. I’m not trained for this sort of espionage, am I? And my family has been put in enough danger as it is. You may continue to use my house for your headquarters, of course, and if my staff or I can assist you, we shall do our best. But as for the detail work…”

Griffin paused to stare at her directly. “I’m not needed.”

Audrey winced. With everything in her she wanted to throw herself into his arms and tell him how desperately he was needed, wanted and loved. But there was no point to that. He was angry, but he would get past it. For now, him staying out of her way was a blessing. Later she could comprehend what that meant for the two of them.

“Whatever you say.” Noah’s voice was suddenly quiet and strangely gentle. It was almost as if he didn’t want to cause any more damage. “I’m sure you know what’s best for you.”

“Yes,” Audrey whispered. “You’ve been very…”

She struggled for a word. She wanted to say tender or loving, but knew that wouldn’t ease the tension between them.

“You’ve been wonderful as a spy-in-training,” she finally said. “But it’s probably best to leave the rest of the mission up to me. Er, us.”

Turning his head, Griffin met her eyes, the chocolate brown pools drawing her in. She felt herself lean a little closer, then straightened back up instead. She couldn’t be weak.

The carriage came to a stop and a footman opened the door. Noah stepped out first, then held out his hand to help her down. Griffin sat very still for a moment.

“Perhaps I won’t come in.” Griffin refused to lift his eyes to meet Audrey’s or Noah’s.

“What?” Noah blinked his blue eyes in disbelief. “What are you talking about? This is the biggest event of the year!”

“Yes,” Griffin growled, lifting his eyes suddenly. In the light of the lamps, Audrey noticed how bloodshot they were. “And I’m not up for it tonight. You don’t need me. Go and do your jobs. You can surely think of some kind of excuse, can’t you?”

Noah opened his mouth as if to protest, but something in Griffin’s demeanor made Audrey leap in front of her brother to stop him.

“Yes, Griffin,” she said softly, praying he would see her understanding her eyes. “These past few weeks have been trying for us all, most of all for you, as you aren’t accustomed to this lifestyle. Go home and try to rest.”

“See here…” Noah began, but Audrey lifted her hand to cut him off.

“We’ll make your excuses,” she promised, nodding as Griffin tapped on the carriage wall and disappeared back down the street.

“What did you just do?” Noah turned her toward him. “Won’t it seem strange when our host doesn’t accompany us?”

With a shrug of one shoulder, Audrey took her brother’s arm and began dragging him toward Burlington’s House’s open double doors. The circular courtyard brimmed with people and animals as coach after coach passed in and out of the wide gateway.

“It doesn’t matter, Noah. It will ease Douglas’s mind not to have Griffin here. And didn’t you see his face?” She shivered as she remembered it, so empty and cold. Not at all like the man she knew and loved. He almost seemed… defeated. “He’s having a difficult time with… with all of this.”

Noah frowned, but took her lead and continued to move toward the crowd in the foyer. “I suppose and yet I feel like I’m being locked out of something very important.”

Audrey shrugged. She knew how her brother felt. After all, tonight she had been locked out of Griffin’s life. This time, for good.