The Warrior Within

11

We traveled another two days and Doran taught me what she could, but I had little aptitude for being a woman on Rimilia. The first night I tried putting the vegetables to cook on my own, and managed to burn my hand well in the process. It was all I could do to keep from projecting the intense pain, and the seetarr especially the barbarian’s mount, bellowed frantically until the rider had smothered my hand in a salve that deadened it. I had been so shocked at the burn that I hadn’t even had the sense to dampen the pain myself, and when the barbarian had finished with the salve I ran from him, shame making me want to hide. I used my own intense emotions as a block between me and the barbarian, unwilling to face the disgust I knew he would be feeling. I was still a burden to him, Prime or no. I stayed with the seetarr taking comfort from them, resigned to the fact that many things were beyond me, but the barbarian’s increased annoyance and frustration when he came for me, still cut deep.

We reached cultivated fields early on the last day and by late afternoon we entered a surprisingly large town that was on the bank of a river. Murdock McKenzie’s report had mentioned that there were many such towns, inhabited by the most advanced group on the planet, Tammad’s people. We rode downhill into the town, the road becoming a broad central street. There were a lot of people moving around busily, making the place alive with the activity of their doings. Most of the men were dressed as warriors, but some few of them wore long, loose, wide-sleeved robes over their haddinn, and of these, most wore no swordbelt. The women, all in imad and caldin, were banded to a greater or lesser degree, but all were banded. I was almost shocked to see how many of them had small children with them.

We rode slowly down the street, and every man we passed greeted Tammad by name. The barbarian returned the greetings, also by name, and many of the women stopped to stare at him, longing clear in their faces and thoughts. When they saw me behind him they frowned, but they weren’t overly upset. Obviously I wasn’t the first to be banded by him, although my dark hair might be something new. Almost without exception, every man, woman and child’s hair was some shade of blond.

The buildings we passed were of various sizes, but all were one-story affairs and each stood close to the next, some of them separated by a cloth-covered stall with items for sale on the counters. The items were examined by people near the stalls, but only men did the buying. If a woman was alone, all she could do was look.

We pulled up in front of a wide building that had extra wide and high doors, with a large sign on it that had a picture of a seetar Doran and I were swung to the ground, and the men dismounted.

“Remain here,” the barbarian said as he and Faddan tied their seetarr to tall posts that seemed to be provided for the purpose. “We will not be long.”

He and Faddan disappeared inside the building, and I glanced at Doran. She stood calmly and patiently waiting until the men would finish their business and return. I sighed a little, then tried to match her.

In a very few minutes, standing in the hot dirt of the street became uncomfortable. I shifted from foot to foot, wishing the barbarian had given me those buskins Denny had mentioned. Mud might be messy, but at least it didn’t burn. I looked around to help me forget about my feet, and found that almost every man passing by had his attention on me. I was stared at frankly and openly, and their grins said the same thing that their minds did. I expected to be annoyed but I wasn’t, and I didn’t understand it.

There was a small, narrow patch of shadow on the ground to my left, thrown by a tying post, so I moved over to it. It wasn’t large enough to shade anything, but it felt good on the bottoms of my feet. Men and women went by on the street, and little children played in the dust.

I felt the rage suddenly then, and it was almost unbelievable that everyone else hadn’t felt it, too. It was so strong it pounded at me, but people continued to pass by unconcernedly. I turned quickly in the direction it came from, seeing the seetar standing to the right of the building that the barbarian had gone into. It stood in an alleyway that probably led to the back of the building, staring out at the crowd of people, its rage increasing.

Abruptly it trotted out of the alleyway into full view, increasing its pace, bellowing its intention to trample and destroy. It wore no bridle or halter, and when the passersby saw it they moved fast to get out of its path. Everyone ran except some of the children who were paralyzed with fear. A number of the warriors turned back and ran toward the children, but from the speed the seetar had picked up it was easy to see they’d never make it.

I blocked out the horrified screams and desperate shouts and drew calm about myself, moving at a run toward the seetar at the same time. I knew that the great mass of emotions was too much for the seetar that it was more sensitive than normal to the people around it. It didn’t understand what it was feeling, and the result was intense rage. If it wasn’t stopped, it would kill everyone it could reach.

I projected calm at the seetar and its giant head snapped around to me. Changing course without slowing down, it came directly toward me. I stopped running and waited, urging it to come and share my peace. I put my hand out, sympathizing with its pain and offering understanding, and I felt its rage ease, allowing its loneliness and confusion to show through. I comforted the confusion, soothed the loneliness, and the giant beast stopped in front of me, nudging me gently with its nose. I stroked the nose, assuring the beast whatever help it was in my power to give.

“Never have I seen such a thing!” a man said from the awed and silent crowds. There was a murmur of agreement from the others, but mostly they were too numb even to think. I took the opportunity to help the beast raise a small and feeble barrier in its mind, and the barrier calmed it even more.

“What has happened?” another voice demanded, a voice that was all too familiar. I turned to see the barbarian and Faddan coming out of the building, accompanied by a third man. Faddan hurried over to a pale and shaking Doran, but the barbarian and the other man came over to me.

“Denday, I do not believe what I have seen with my own eyes!” a man said, coming out of the crowd. He was the same man who had spoken before, and he stared at me with the disbelief he spoke of. “The seetar was mad, yet she stopped it with naught save the sweep of her arm!”

“I know this seetar,” the man who had come out of the building with the barbarian said shakily “It was left with me for resale, yet I could find none to control it. A mad beast, locked away from all it would destroy and here it stands! How came it here?”

“From there,” I said pointing toward the alleyway. “It stood there seemingly lost, and I but called it to me.”

“Called it to her!” the man from the crowd snorted. “It would have trampled all in its path, and nearly trampled her. The why of its stopping is beyond me!”

“She has great facility with seetarr” the barbarian said evenly but his mind boiled with a monstrous anger aimed again at me. I knew I’d somehow failed him yet again, and I looked down at the dirt in defeat. “I shall send the seetarr to you when they are unburdened, Jezzar,” he continued to the man who had come out of the building with him. “Do you see to their sale. Come, wenda.”

I started to follow him back to his mount, but discovered that I, too, was being followed. The seetar kept directly behind me, and I stopped in confusion.

“I shall take the seetar,” the man from the building said in a kindly way. He produced a leather rope from behind him and started to put it around the seetar’s neck, but the seetar’s eyes blazed and it rumbled warningly. He stepped back immediately as did everyone else, but the beast calmed again when I put my hand on its neck. It lowered its head to my shoulder, and leaned there comfortably.

“The beast wishes to band her as its own,” the man from the crowd laughed. “Tammad, you must needs do battle for your wenda.”

The barbarian folded his arms across his chest and grinned with true amusement. “I have often done battle,” he said, “but never with a seetar. And what need would it have for MY wenda? It is wenda itself.”

The crowd roared laughter at this, and it was true. The seetar was a female. I had to calm her again because of the laughter, but it was becoming increasingly easier to do. The barbarian came closer and studied the seetar carefully, then turned to the man Jezzar.

“I would buy her from you, Jezzar,” he said. As the only alternative seems to be to sell my wenda to you, I shall have to offer a good price.”

“I would prefer the alternative, denday.” Jezzar grinned, looking at me appreciatively. “The wenda is one I, too, would keep five-banded. Yet I cannot take your price for the seetar. It would have done great damage had it not been stopped, and in gratitude I would gift it to you. It will do well as breeding stock.”

“My thanks, Jezzar,” the barbarian said warmly “You shall have the first of its offspring. Come you now, wenda, and bring my seetar ”

He turned back to his mount again and I followed, feeling the old annoyance all over again. I let him lift me to the saddle behind him, the female seetar still sticking close to me, and we continued up the street through the parting crowd.

After we had gone a short way I muttered, “She’s mine.”

“Did you speak?” the barbarian asked mildly, turning slightly in the saddle.

“I said the seetar is mine,” I repeated in a louder voice. “She did not come to you for comfort.”

“Ah, I see,” he murmured. “You called to the seetar but not aloud. And she needed naught save comfort?”

“She needed understanding, too,” I said, “but comfort most of all. I comforted her and she’s mine.”

“But wenda cannot own property here,” he said in a smooth, easy way. “You are my belonging, and what was yours is now mine. How, then, may the seetar be yours?”

“She is mine!” I insisted stubbornly “Take her if you can!”

“Now you give my own words back to me.” He laughed. “You are able to call to her and I cannot. The seetar is yours.”

He faced forward, and I sat there behind him trying to figure him out. I’d expected a fight from him over the seetar but he’d given up any claim to her just like that. It could have been that he thought he would own her anyway when I left, but I didn’t think that was it. It was almost as if he didn’t need to prove his superiority in so small a thing, almost as if he were rewarding me for proving my point with his own arguments. He was feeling pleased, and I didn’t understand why.

Faddan and Doran turned off at a building, raising their hands in farewell, but we kept going until we came to a much larger building than any of the others, even though it was still single-story. It stood to the left of the road, was faced with some sort of stone, and had a double-doored entrance at the top of two steps. The doors were made of wood, but were metal braced, and a higher, seetar-sized door was all the way to the right. We made our way to the seetar door, and it opened for us. An older man stood there, grinning up at Tammad.

“It is good you are returned home, denday,” he said. “All is as you left it.”

“I would expect no less, Bollan,” the barbarian answered. “I shall unburden the seetarr and would have your Gilor await me in the hall.”

“It shall be done, Tammad.” The man nodded, then stepped back out of the way. We rode past him, my seetar a bit nervous, and entered a covered alleyway that led to the rear of the building. There was a heavily fenced in, partially roofed corral about twenty feet from the back of the building, and that’s where we went. When we were all inside the corral, the man called Bollan closed the corral gate behind us.

“Do you now see to your seetar,” the barbarian said, setting me down on the ground. “I shall be occupied with the others, and there is fodder aplenty.”

“I don’t mind taking care of her, “I said, watching him dismount. “As long as you remember that she is mine.”

He snorted briefly in amusement, then turned to the four seetarr he had to tend to. I looked around and found a nice piece of carcass for my girl, then encouraged her to eat it. She didn’t need much encouragement as she was very hungry, but she wasn’t used to being fed without an aura of fear about her. I stroked her side as she chewed, aware of her deepening happiness.

Suddenly I was nudged very gently from behind, and turned to see Tammad’s saddle seetar less his saddle and bridle. He snorted very softly at me, and let it be known that he was hungry. I shook my head in mock annoyance, then chose another piece of carcass for him to eat. I went back to my girl then, but the big male picked up the meat in his teeth and carried it over to us before he began eating. I laughed softly, and stroked him, too.

“My seetar cares for you.” the barbarian said from where he stood watching my group. He had all of the packs and halters off the animals, and they were searching for food. “I had not understood this, but you knew of it.”

It was more a statement than a question, but I nodded anyway. “I knew. His thoughts are very lovely and calm—and comforting.”

“So you sought comfort from him—and not escape from me,” he said with a small smile. “I had thought it the latter. Come to the house with me, wenda.”

I assured my girl that I would not be far away, then walked over to him. He looked down at me in a strange way, his emotions confusing me for a minute, but then their meaning was obvious. His pleasure came from being home again, his relief due to the fact that I was still relatively in one piece. If I had managed to do something serious to myself, it would have been inconvenient to his cause. He stroked my hair briefly then led the way to the house.

The back door opened into a moderate-sized entrance hall, which had four doorways. A handsome older woman stood quietly in the hall, smiling warmly when she saw the barbarian.

“I am much relieved that you have returned, Tammad,” she said. “I feared that this journey would swallow you forever.”

“There are still many journeys to make, Gilor.” The barbarian grinned. “I am not yet to be swallowed. I would have you know my wenda Terril, and ask that you see to her hand. It was burned on our journey here.”

“Gladly will I do so,” Gilor answered, looking me over. “Bollan has already had me put furs for her near yours. Do you wish food?”

“See to her hand first, then we both shall eat,” he directed “And do not allow her to aid in the cooking of it! She must heal before she faces further peril.”

He strode out through one of the doorways and Gilor watched him go, then turned to me with a grin.

“Such a sour expression!” She laughed. “The denday’s wenda does not care for his humor?”

“It was not humor,” I told her dismally “I burned my hand attempting to cook for him. I shall not make the attempt again.”

“You must do more than make the attempt,” she said firmly, wagging a finger at me. “Think you the denday shall keep his bands on one who cannot tend to his needs? One may spend only so much time in the furs.”

“I am banded for reasons other than cooking or furs.” I told her, staring at the floor without seeing it. “Your denday cares nothing for me, and shall soon return me to my own land. Then shall he search for one who knows the way of his needs. That one is not I.”

“I would see the burn,” she said after a moment, holding her hand out. Although reserved, she was a friendly person, but would not allow her curiosity to ask further questions. I gave her my left hand, and she unwrapped the dirty bandage from it.

“It has begun to heal,” she said, studying the large, round, shiny-red sear on the back of my hand. “It is fortunate that salve was applied to it. Come, I shall add more salve and a clean bandage.”

I followed her through one of the doorways other than the one the barbarian had taken, finding a short hall that led to a large kitchen. There were four young girls moving about in there, but they stopped to stare at me when we walked in. Gilor was wearing four bands, but the younger blondes had only one each, and that on their left ankles. Not only was there little friendliness in them, but two of them were downright hostile inside. Overtly, they smiled.

“Do you return to your work,” Gilor said to them. “Is the denday to turn away guests at his door so that you may stand about and gape? Terril shall not disappear, and you may know her when the men are seen to. Quickly, now!”

The girls grinned and turned back to what they’d been doing, but they still had their attention on me. I was being sized up, but with different feelings from the ones the men had shown. Gilor found a pot of salve and a clean rag and took care of my hand, then went to a large kettle that hung on a hearth and scooped out two metal platesful of what looked like stew. An oversized goblet was filled from a pitcher, two smaller shallow-bowled, long-handled versions of the kettlescoop were put near the plates, then she turned back to me.

“Do you carry your own plate,” she directed. “I shall take Tammad’s.”

“I would take the denday’s trejna to him,” one of the girls interrupted, coming over to stand in Gilor’s way. She was tall and big-busted, with a very pretty face.

“It matters not.” Gilor shrugged, looking around her. “There are other things requiring my attention. Terril, go you with Rapan. She will show you to Tammad.”

The girl Rapan smirked and picked up the plate, scoop, and goblet, then gestured with her head for me to follow. I took the other plate and scoop and went along, but not happily. Rapan was one of the two who had felt hostility at my appearance, and that hadn’t changed. She still felt hostile, but she was also determined about something. I followed her, wondering what she was going to do.

We went back to the entrance hall, then through the doorway that the barbarian had taken. The doorway was hung with a piece of material, and the material parted to show a large room that was wood-paneled and decorated with weapons. It had long, wide windows, but the windows were barred and could be shuttered. Tall torches hung as yet unlit from sconces on the walls, and what seemed like hundreds of pillows were scattered all over the floor on top of a furlike carpet. The barbarian stood looking out of one of the windows, but he turned when we entered.

“Trejna at last!” he said, grinning at what Rapan was carrying. “I shall not miss the taste of dimral after so long a time with little else. Give it here, Rapan.”

“Aye, Tammad,” the girl said with a coy smile aimed at the barbarian. “I, myself, prepared it for you, hoping it would please you. You have been so long away we thought you had forsaken us.” She handed him the plate, but held the goblet to the side and back away from him as he reached for it, rubbing herself on him as he moved closer. “My father will be here to greet you this night, Tammad. He would not be displeased were you to speak with him of me.”

“And so I shall, Rapan,” he answered, leaning over just a little farther to take the goblet from her. “His switch has too long been kept from its proper use, and he shall know of it.”

“But—you would not!” she protested, feeling a deep upset and frustration. “Tammad, I long to be yours! I would please you more than she whom you have this time banded. I beg you to ask my father for me.”

The barbarian had crouched to set his plate and goblet on a small, very low table, but he stood straight again to place his hands on the girl’s shoulders.

“Rapan, it is not seemly that you speak so,” he told her gently “Your father sent you to me so that you might be seen by my warriors more easily than in his house. He hoped for a good match for you, and had found one even as I prepared to leave on my journey. You shall be banded this night, wenda, but not as mine.”

“I shall not!” she screamed, twisting away from his hands. “I shall go with no other!”

She raced out of the room, anger and hurt filling her so completely that she had forgotten all about me. I sighed for her, then turned to see the barbarian watching me.

“Do you sit beside me as we eat,” he said, folding himself onto a large pillow. “There shall be many warriors here this night, and I wish your presence as well. Tell me, wenda, are you able to know truth from falsehood too in a man?”

“Sometimes.” I answered, sitting on a pillow near his. I wasn’t used to the angle, and almost tumbled off it onto the floor. His control was masterly-not a trace of the vast amusement he felt reached his face. “But there’s no need to try being diplomatic.” I added. “Your laughter is something I can always feel.”

“I but remembered my experience with your chairs.” He grinned, leaning over to the small table to scoop up some of the stew. “Each man does best with his own belongings about him. This night you are to read my warriors, wenda. I suspect a follower of my enemies is among them, but each has been with me too long to be lightly accused. I would be pleased to learn that I am mistaken, yet are you to seek earnestly.

“I’ll do what I can.” I shrugged. “If the man feels no guilt over betraying you, or if there’s someone who dislikes you personally but would never betray you, there could be some confusion. Keep the point in mind.”

“I shall,” He nodded. “The final decision is ever mine to make. Why do you not eat?”

I looked down at the plate of stew in my hand, then used the small scoop to try some of it. It was spicy and very tasty, so I began eating. After a minute or two, I looked up again.

“That girl Rapan is in love with you.” I told him quietly “You still see nothing wrong in giving her away to someone else?”

“The girl is very young,” he answered, giving most of his attention to his food. “Yet even that has no bearing. She is not mine to give, wenda, but her father’s, and he, too, knows that what she feels for me is not as deep as what she may one day feel for another. He has made a wise choice for her, and awaited only my return to give her to the warrior who desires her. In this manner, she will not think herself stolen from me in my absence.”

We went back to eating in silence, but I was still disturbed. The giant barbarian was as calm as ever—wasn’t there a woman anywhere he cared about?

He kept his eyes on me until both our plates were empty causing me to grow increasingly uncomfortable under that light-blue stare. I knew he was waiting to say something else, but I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the men he wanted me to read. After the last bite was down, I found I was right.

“Wenda, there is yet another matter to speak of,” he said, and his mind and tone had hardened. “The last switching you received was, as I have said, too harsh. But for that, you would now ache mightily. Never again shall I see you risk yourself as was done this day, else you shall feel my wrath in your deepest parts. Are my words clear to you?”

“But I was in no danger,” I protested, feeling the blazing edges of the wrath he’d mentioned. “That seetar wouldn’t have...”

“That seetar had to step but once to put an end to you!” he interrupted in that cold fury he was so good at projecting. “Best you remember what I have said, as I shall not warn you again! Return these plates now to Gilor, and say that she is to find clean imad and caldin for you. I shall send for you when I require your presence.”

He handed me his plate and scoop, but kept the goblet. I took the things without another word, then went looking for Gilor, finding her easily just outside the curtain in the small entrance hall. She laughed softly and led the way back to the kitchen to get rid of the plates, then again to the hall and through yet another doorway and hall to a large room with sleeping furs in the middle of it. It had pillows scattered around the floor, a tall, barred window and little else, but I was sure the room was the barbarian’s. Gilor closed the room’s door, then turned to me.

“I shall fetch the imad and caldin in a moment,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “First, I wished to ask if you still believe the denday does not care for you. I had thought you to be wrong, and now I am sure of it.”

“And I am sure I am not wrong.” I answered, curious as to her interest. “Nothing has occurred to make me believe otherwise.”

“Heard you not his words?” she demanded in outrage, her fists on her hips. “He does not wish you to risk yourself. Are those the words of a man who cares nothing for his wenda?”

“Those are the words of a man who cares only for his Prime,” I answered bitterly. “Were I to die now, he would be inconvenienced, therefore he threatens to beat me to make me obey him. Yet I, too, care nothing for him or his beatings. I shall do as I please.”

“So you care nothing for him, eh?” she mused, staring at me through narrowed eyes. “I know not the ways of such in your land, Terrill, yet do I know the look of a woman who longs for a man. Your need seems deeper than Rapan’s yet strangely for you wear his bands, more hopeless. This I do not understand.”

“There is little to understand, Gilor.” I shrugged, feeling that understanding was important to her. “He does not see me as a woman, though he uses me as one. And gives me to other l’lendaa as one. I am not accustomed to obeying men, nor am I accustomed to being handed about among them. I shall not allow it any longer.”

“Terrill these are l’lendaa you speak of, not darayse,” she warned. “Have a care as to how you anger them. Tammad will not hesitate to teach you your place.”

“He has already taught me my place.” I answered, beginning to feel the anger that had been building so long. “Beside him when he has need of me, beneath him when he desires me, behind him when he tires of me. I shall now find my own place.”

“Which will be where?” she asked, a bit nervously “There are no others.”

“Then I shall create a place.” I said, starting to think about it. “It cannot be impossible for one of determination. I shall consider it.”

I sank down onto the furs, then stretched out comfortably. There had to be a way out of the rut of wenda, and if I didn’t look for it, I deserved whatever I got. I couldn’t very well complain about how he treated me if I let him get away with it without a murmur.

Gilor stood where she was for another minute, then turned silently and went out. I tossed some ideas around until she came back with the clean clothing, then asked about a drink of water. The barbarian had gotten a drink with his meal, but I hadn’t. The request resulted in a pitcher and goblet being brought in, so I decided to see how far things could go.

“Gilor, I would also like a bath.” I announced. “Is there a place for bathing here?”

“We bathe in the river,” she answered, “but the sun is nearly gone. Best you wait for the new sun.”

“I have little care for waiting,” I insisted. “Surely something may be done?”

“I know not what.” She shrugged. “There has been no provision made for such things. Do you now change to the new imad and caldin, so that.. .”

“I shall not.” I interrupted with determination. “I shall not wear clean clothing if I may not bathe.”

“The word was not mine.” She shrugged again. “The denday will not be pleased.”

“I care little for his pleasure.” I shrugged too. “You may tell him if you wish.”

“I shall,” she said, giving me a calculating stare. “If you wish his attention in such a manner, so be it. I would not care for attention of that sort.”

She turned and went out, and I leaned back in the furs. I wasn’t very eager for the sort of attention Gilor was talking about, but it had to be risked if things were going to change. The barbarian might never see me as a woman, but I’d force him to see me as something other than a tool.

It didn’t take very long before the door opened again, but this time it was my nemesis himself, filling the doorway as he came through it. My insides twinged when I saw the switch he carried, but I tried not to let it ruffle my calm.

As he came toward me I said, “What made you change your plans?”

He broke stride and frowned. “My plans have not changed,” he said. “They are as they were.”

“Not if you use that on me, they’re not.” I countered, nodding toward the switch. “I can’t control myself well enough after a beating.”

He thought about it in annoyance for a minute, but as far as he knew, I was telling the truth. I’d been too far off-balance to use pain control when I should have, but I was beginning to pull myself together again.

“There is perhaps enough time for a light switching,” he mused, studying me as I lay in the furs. I wanted to be so many things to him, wanted so much to have everything I couldn’t have. Beat the Prime and use her in the furs, force her to do her job and then return her with indecent haste. He couldn’t see me in his world, but at least he would know I was there.

“Could be.” I agreed evenly. “I know by now that I can’t stop you, but it might not be the best of ideas. I won’t go back on my word to help you, but there are other things I can do to make my presence even more unpleasant than it has been. I’ve been conditioned against doing most of those things, but I think I can break through it now. Would you like me to try?”

“What things do you speak of?” he asked curiously and it was interesting to see that his curiosity was genuine. He really did want to know more about my “power.”

“Well, I can project to men just as I do to animals.” I said slowly “You’ve felt nothing but general or accidental projections, and those not even at full strength. Try this.” I put together a clear picture of my emotions during the last switching, the pain, the shame, the frustration of not being able to stop it, and imposed the picture on his mind. There was a great deal of resistance in my own mind during the process, but I worked in spite of it. His face flushed red when he had the picture, and his free hand went back behind him as he literally felt everything I had felt.

“Pain is an emotion too, you see.” I explained as I felt him clamp down to ease what he was experiencing. “As an emotion, I can project it any time I wish, and in future I shall, but not only to you. If I’m given pain, everyone within my radius will feel it. I’ll leave it to you to make the explanations.”

“I now understand your point,” he said in a choked voice. “Truly wenda, you have learned the lesson well. Right lies in the ability to do, and you have proven your right. What is it you wish?”

“Merely a bath.” I answered. “Then I’ll be glad to change my clothes.”

“You shall have it,” he said coldly, then turned and walked out. As soon as the door closed, I gave in to the exhaustion that had been trying to claim me and lay without moving. Projecting a specific picture to humans is extremely draining, and my top range was about twenty-five feet, but that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that the barbarian believed me, and he did. My place was beginning to change.

It took a while to restore myself, but by the time I did, my bath was ready. Water had been heated in the kitchen, and a large wooden tub had been brought in, but I had no intention of being too choosy. I bathed in the kitchen with a good deal of contentment, barely noticing the giggles of the three girls. What I did notice was that Rapan was no longer with them.

By the time I was dressed in clean clothes and had my hair brushed, it was full night outside and the torches had been lit. Drying around the five bands had been extremely annoying, and my success with the switching episode tempted me to see what could be done about those chains. I’d have to give it some thought, but the next day would be soon enough.

I was just coming in from checking on my seetar when I met Gilor in the entrance hall. She smiled briefly and said, “Tammad would have you join him in the meeting hall. You may take a plate to him at the same time.”

I almost protested the idea of serving him, but then realized I might need an excuse to be where he was. I followed her to the kitchen to collect a big platter of meat chunks, then went back through the curtain to the large room, which was now torchlit and no longer empty. At least forty men lay about on the pillows, each holding a goblet, some few helping themselves from the platters the three young girls were passing around. The strong, blond l’lendaa laughed and spoke with each other, and in the midst of them sat a relaxed Tammad.

I made my way among the men on the floor, trying to be casual but having a hard time of it. The men I passed followed me with their eyes, their appreciation vocal as well as emotional, more than a few of them snatching at the hem of my caldin. It came to me then to wonder what would become of me if the barbarian were somehow killed. Those men were nearly the same size as their denday, and it struck me hard that the only thing that kept their hands off me was the fact I wore bands. Unbanded, I could have been taken by any or all of them, and the nearest peacemen would be too far away to do any good. I hurried a little, and got to the barbarian as soon as I could.

Tammad looked up as I reached him with the platter, and he gestured toward the low table near him.

“Do you set it there, wenda,” he directed with a faint grin. I looked in his eyes, and suddenly knew that he’d guessed my thoughts about his men. I put the plate down, feeling that I’d lost more ground than I’d gained, and he pulled me to the floor near him. “You must have a care how you deal with me,” he murmured in my ear. “Should I be unable to defend my right to you, you would pass to another who has not given his word to return you to your people. Your power would then be of little aid to you, as possession of an offworlder wenda would be jealously fought for. Think on it.”

He leaned away from me to greet some newcomers, and I did think about it. Needless to say, I didn’t like the trend of the thoughts.

In another minute, two men walked in together and came directly over to the barbarian. One of them was a good deal younger than the other, but they were both trim fighting men in their prime. They crouched down near us and grinned.

“Aldana, Tammad,” the older man said. “It is good that you have returned. Kerman here has been most impatient.”

Aye, denday” The one called Kerman grinned. “Though had I known you traveled to band a wenda such as this one, I might have traveled with you.”

The older man laughed along with Tammad and clapped Kerman on the back. “Truly said, Kerman.” he chuckled. “The wenda is indeed worth a man’s traveling for. Faddan, too, speaks highly of her in the furs. Are there others of her sort in the land which you visited?”

“Many.” The barbarian grinned, enjoying the blush on my cheeks. “She and her sisters are unused to the ways of l’lendaa and have much to learn, yet should she do well, the others will not prove difficult to take. They live among darayse and welcome the appearance of a man.”

“So you say!” I snapped, finding it impossible not to remember how the women had clustered around him at Jan’s party “My sisters care nothing for great hulking brutes, and would welcome you with the lack of their presence did they but know your purpose!”

The three men laughed at that and the older man said, “She has a sharp tongue, denday, and does not seem to enjoy her place as your belonging. Was she taken during battle?”

“No battle, Loddar,” the barbarian said, taking a strand of my hair to toy with. “She was gifted to me by her father, he knowing full well that the darayse of his land would not challenge my taking of her. Though broken in body her father is true l’lenda. ”

“I do not see Rapan,” Kennan commented, looking around the room. “She has not taken ill?”

“Rapan remains near her furs,” Tammad answered, glancing at the older man. “She insists she will belong to no man, and refuses to join us here.”

“Ah, wendaa,” Loddar sighed, shaking his head. “And she is but the first of my daughters. I wish you joy in the banding of her, Kennan. You may find little joy thereafter.”

“Kennan shall not be father to her, Loddar.” The barbarian laughed. “Therein lies a great difference.”

“True,” Loddar grinned, “and a difference all men may appreciate. I shall fetch her, Kennan.”

He stood straight again and left the room, and Kennan watched him go with a grin. “I see I shall have little peace for a time,” he said to Tammad. “My wenda, too, does not come willingly.”

“It keeps a man from becoming set in his ways,” the barbarian commented, his eyes on me. “Spirited wendaa make the struggle more interesting.”

“The men of my land have more pride than to force themselves where they are not wanted.” I put in casually examining my nails. “Do l’lendaa know nothing of pride?”

Both men stiffened slightly, then the barbarian shook his head. “Fortunate is this one that she was born wenda,” he said to Kennan, then tugged at my hair. “Know, would-be warrior, that it is ever a part of wenda to challenge the man who would take her. To submit meekly would make her slave, and l’lendaa do not care to possess slaves. A man’s true match, however, may be taught to accept him in time, and thereafter give herself to him willingly. It would be foolish to expect such acceptance on first meeting.”

“I have heard that your wenda is called Terril” Kennan chuckled. “Has she also been taught the use of a sword?”

“She must first be taught the lifting of one,” the barbarian answered dryly “Now comes Loddar with your wenda.”

We all turned to see Loddar coming back through the curtain with a struggling bundle of girl over his brawny shoulder. The other men in the room roared laughter and pointed and the three other girls stared in reluctant fascination. Loddar brought Rapan over to us, and set her on her feet in front of him, turning her to face Kennan.

“Know, daughter, that this warrior has purchased the right to band you,” he said with his hands on her shoulders. “He is called Kennan, and shall take you this night.”

“He shall not!” Rapan said stubbornly “If I may not have the man of my heart, I shall have none at all!”

“The matter is one for l’lendaa to decide.” Loddar answered her. “L’lendaa have decided. You may now band her, Kennan.”

Kennan grinned and pulled a small chain from his swordbelt, catching Rapan as she tried to slip away from Loddar’s hands. Loddar made no attempt to stop her, nor did he touch her again, but Kennan didn’t need his help. He forced the struggling girl to the floor, put his band around her right ankle, then removed the band from her left ankle with one surge of his well developed muscles. He handed the open band to Loddar, then pulled Rapan to her feet.

“Now are you my belonging, Rapan,” he said, stroking her long, blond hair. “You shall not regret it.”

“I shall give you no pleasure,” Rapan said through her teeth. “You will not possess me long!”

“He will possess you as long as he wishes to,” Tammad put in from beside me. “Do not forget he is l’lenda. Do you use my house as yours, Kennan.”

“My thanks, denday.” Kennan grinned. “I shall do so now”

Kennan took Rapan by the wrist, then headed toward the curtained exit. Rapan was pulled along, but she turned to give Tammad a desperate, pleading look before the curtain closed her from sight. She was feeling miserable and frightened, not nearly as defiant as she’d pretended to be.

Loddar sighed, sat himself down near Tammad, and helped himself to one of a number of goblets that stood on a nearby low table.

“Kennan shall be a good man for her,” he said to Tammad, “yet her pleasure may be slow in coming. She pines for you, denday, and she is as yet unbroached. Too, Kennan has waited overlong to possess her, and patience comes with greater age than he has yet achieved.”

“The matter will be seen to between them.” Tammad said quietly “Should she be his true wenda, it shall require the effort of none save them to prove.” The two men sat in silence for a minute, then the barbarian tugged harder at my hair. “Come you closer to me, wenda,” he directed. “I am weary from our travels, and the new sun shall show much work as yet undone.”

He pulled me to his chest and folded his arms around me, but I knew it was just camouflage. He had pinched me on the word, “work,” reminding me what I was there for. I put Rapan out of my thoughts, closed my eyes, and went to work.

It’s sometimes difficult for empaths not to be accidentally caught up by and submerged in the sea of emotions always surrounding them, and purposeful submersion is a relief and a release both at the same time. To me, it had always felt like taking a deep breath after ages of being forced to breathe in small, unsatisfying gasps, and I let myself slide into the sea current with a good deal of pleasure. The general sense of emotions swirled and blended and I bathed in it freely, sometimes floating, sometimes swimming against the current. There were so many men there, all feeling relaxed and happy. I touched each lightly, just in passing, moved on to the next, then abruptly stumbled over a well-hidden rock and didn’t need to float any longer. Most of the men who saw the barbarian holding me felt amused over it, some with wry, lighthearted envy, but the last man I’d come to felt no lightheartedness. He was forcing complete unconcern, but underneath was a well-controlled mass of jealousy and hate. There was no loyalty there, I knew, and never would be.

I checked the others in the room, finding a man who was scornful of the barbarian, but there was no active hate involved. The rest were unremarkable, lacking criticism of any sort. I withdrew from the sea and opened my eyes again, then decided on a way to announce that the job was done.

“There is very little air in here,” I said, sliding quickly out of the barbarian’s grasp. “I shall return to my quarters.”

I started to get to my feet, but the sash of my caldin was pulled hard, throwing me back onto the barbarian’s chest.

“You have not been given my permission to leave,” he said in a mild tone, faint annoyance tinging his thoughts. “Do you now ask for such permission.”

I studied his broad, handsome face for a minute, then said, “The air elsewhere is preferable to that which is here, O denday. May I go in search of it?”

A choking sound came from Loddar which was quickly muffled by his hand and turned-away head. The barbarian threw him an annoyed glance, then turned his attention back to me.

“Indeed you may wenda,” he answered evenly. “And I shall aid you in your search.”

He got to his feet in one fluid motion, pulling me up with him, then headed out of the room, hauling me along behind him by the sash. I had a good chance to look around before the curtains closed behind me, and had no difficulty spotting the two men I’d found earlier. I was pulled all the way back to the barbarian’s room, and the door was slammed closed behind us.

“Who’s the man sitting directly under that overgrown axe?” I asked before my—“owner”—could open his mouth. All of the emotions rolling and building in him stopped abruptly and he frowned down at me.

“That is Caffar,” he answered. “Why do you ask?”

“Because he doesn’t care for you,” I said. “Such deep, strong hatred and jealousy isn’t an everyday thing. If I had to bet on someone, it would be him, with the extreme left-hand man in the group of five over on the other side of the room as possible second choice. He thinks he’s better than you are, but who knows? He may be right.”

Tammad stood for a few moments deep in thought, then finally remembered I was there and nodded at me.

“You have done well,” he said quietly “I had not known it could be accomplished so quickly.” He started toward the door, but stopped short of it and turned back to me. “Should you again speak to me as you did this night, wenda, you shall feel the switch no matter what the consequences. You have my word.”

He continued on out and closed the door behind him, leaving me disgusted and depressed. I hadn’t wanted to dig at him, either in front of his people or alone there in the room, but there was something about him that made me want to reach him and jostle him around. I wanted to shake him out of that rigid control and know what he was feeling deep inside him, but all I’d succeeded in doing was to set myself up for another switching. Which would bring me even more trouble when he discovered that I’d been lying about projecting.

I got slowly out of my clothes then into the furs, tired from the long, eventful day I looked around in the dim torchlight, seeing things that were alien to my way of life, also seeing the empty furs next to mine. Those furs were longer and wider than mine, quite a bit longer and wider. It was foolish of me to want to sleep there instead, as it was obvious I would never fit. I turned my back on them and tried to sleep.

The presence of someone else brought me partway out of a deep, sound sleep. The someone moved around briefly then came closer, and the furs were tucked a little more tightly about me.

“Wenda sed Prime.” a deep, soft voice murmured tonelessly “Ti Plenda queren?”

The voice said nothing more, and deep sleep came again.