The Warrior Within

15

I lay in my furs behind the closed drapery bored and unhappy, but unable to do anything about it. I’d been ordered in no uncertain terms to stir not an inch, and I had no doubts about what would happen if I disobeyed again.

When we’d gotten back to the pavilion the night before, I’d pulled myself together enough to get some water, clean rags, and salve for Tammad’s souvenirs from the savages. He hadn’t been hurt badly I was relieved to see, but there’s no such thing as being hurt well. I got the wounds washed and medicated, then went after something for us to eat. After the meal and a strong pull on a drishnak skin, Tammad went off to see how Faddan was doing, and I had time to rest and think.

I had no trouble resting, but my thinking was anything but clear. I had risked myself, a Prime of the Centran Amalgamation, for the sake of an essentially worthless man from backward Rimilia. Something like that would have been laughed at and condemned by everyone I knew; it would have been considered insanity. Once, I would have considered it insanity too, but that wasn’t possible any longer. The man had risked himself more than once for me, and if the situation recurred, I would do the same again.

But was that the only reason? Was I just repaying a debt that I owed, canceling an obligation? I tried to tell myself that it was so, and failed miserably I would not have risked myself for just anyone no matter how many times they had saved me, but I hadn’t even thought about myself when I saw Tammad in danger of death. He was more than a worthless man from a backward planet, but just how much more I was afraid to think about. He cared for me, and I cared for him, but how far did that care go?

I brooded until he got back, then had no further opportunity for brooding. He lectured me in a cold voice, telling me exactly how many ways I’d disobeyed him, and didn’t allow any interruptions. After the lecture came the switching, and a royal switching it was. I felt the wrath he had once spoken of, and a good deal more, and by the time he was through I heartily regretted everything I’d been guilty of. I was sent to my furs to contemplate my sins, and Tammad went off to the dendarsa camtah alone. Instead of contemplating, I fell asleep.

The next morning, right after eating, it was my turn to lecture. Tammad had limited his drishnak intake the night before, and was eager to continue converting dendayy, but I wouldn’t be going along with him. He made me describe the mannerisms of the men involved and add my guesswork, then gave me my orders about staying put. Considering how irritated he still was with me, I didn’t even try to argue. I stayed put, but I didn’t particularly like it.

I heard him get back at midday, but he stayed in the front part of the pavilion and I could feel that he was deep in thought. I left the furs and went to the drapery peering around the side of it to see him stretched out on the cushions.

“May I come out now?” I asked when I felt that he was aware of my presence. When he didn’t answer I added a small,” Please?”

“Have you thought upon the reasons for your punishment?” he asked, moving his eyes to me. When I grimaced and nodded he smiled. “Dress yourself then and join me. Our meal will soon be brought.”

I went back and dressed in record time, then came out from behind the drapery just as one of the women brought in two bowls of stew. She hid her amusement well enough, but I felt myself blushing anyway. The way I’d yelled the night before, the entire camp must have known about my beating.

When the woman was gone, Tammad gestured me over to him. “You have done very well so far,” he said with warmth as he handed me a bowl. “There was a mistake in your estimation of one man, yet was I able to turn it to my advantage. When the discussions begin with the new sun, you must read the others again and weigh the manner in which they receive my words. I shall broach the most important subject last.”

I nodded again and sat carefully, then studied him. “What exactly is it that you want for your people?” I asked after a minute. “I know you have some specific purpose in mind, and I’m curious about it.”

“My purpose is clear,” He shrugged, eating some of his stew. “I would have my people survive and prosper. Is this so different from the wants of others?”

“No.” I answered, “but you yourself are different from others. I think you want to be denday of dendayy.”

“How may a man hide from one who sees as deeply as you?” He laughed. “Such is indeed my intent, yet the time is not right for the thing. All things come in their proper time.”

“So I’ve heard.” I murmured. “At least no one can say you have no ambition. What would you do as denday of dendayy?”

“I would see that my people survived and prospered,” he answered neutrally. “Do you now eat quickly so that you may see the competitions between cities. They began earlier, and much honor shall be won by the city which triumphs most. I shall have no need of you here.”

“Then you’re not going,” I said, knowing it as a fact. “You have something more important to do, and it doesn’t concern me.” I looked down at my bowl then added, “I’ll leave as soon as I’m through.”

“Do not feel ahresta!” he said sharply, reaching over to take my face in his hand. “I would have you beside me always, yet there are matters I must see to alone. It would not be fitting to have wendaa present.”

“Wenda!” I snapped, pulling back away from his hand. “When you come right down to it, I’m still nothing but wenda! Handle your matters alone and be damned!”

I got to my feet and stalked out, trying to bury my hurt beneath layers of fury. The question of wenda had nothing to do with why he wanted me out of the way and I knew it. He was going to discuss things he didn’t want me knowing about, that’s why I’d been offered time off to see the fair. He didn’t trust me enough to let me in on his secrets, and that really hurt.

I’d left my bowl of stew almost uneaten, but I wasn’t hungry at all. I wandered around from camp area to camp area, stopping occasionally to watch the goings-on. There were wrestling matches, knife throwing matches, swordfights, riding contests, and archery contests. The l’lendaa enjoyed them all, either participating or watching, their women in the crowds along with them.

I saw one pavilion that had been opened completely and every man in it had a woman in tow. Other, unaccompanied men ringed the pavilion and examined the women with interest. As I watched, one man entered the pavilion and approached another who was holding a woman’s arm. They spoke briefly, dinga was exchanged, and the man who had been alone left with the woman. I noticed that she was one-banded, and realized that she had just become the belonging of the man who had paid for her. She hadn’t felt terribly upset by the exchange, in fact she was rather excited, and I couldn’t help shaking my head. Was I the only one who was disturbed by such things? Did the women really prefer such a life, or were they just used to it? I didn’t know, and probably never would.

The contests went on for the rest of the afternoon, but at sundown the crowds began breaking up. I continued to wander, reluctant to go back to the pavilion. I hadn’t paid attention to where I was going, but paying attention wasn’t necessary. I could find my way back by following the patterns of our people, so I just wandered wherever the whim took me.

The campfires were beginning to show more sharply against the darkening sky. I moved behind a line of camtahh, still full of my own thoughts, and a group of figures moved out of the shadows to surround me. I looked up in surprise to see Rommar directly in my path, six other l’lendaa completing the circle around me.

“Aldana, wenda,” Rommar said with an expressionless face, staring down at me. “You wander far from the camtah of Tammad.”

“I mistook my direction.” I answered, matching his evenness of tone. “I should return at once, for the hour is late.”

I tried to step around him, but he moved just enough to block me again. His emotions were calm, but I could feel a sort of excitement in the minds of the others. It didn’t take much ability to suspect that I had trouble.

“Tammad shall not seek for you as yet,” Rommar informed me.” He speaks with his followers of matters of great import. The number of his followers has increased beyond my expectations, and this disturbs me. There is little I may do to alter the situation, yet must it be altered. Perhaps Tammad will be good enough to act for me.”

I didn’t even see the slap coming, but my head rang with it, my cheek turning to burning needles. I cried out at the pain, trying to protect myself, but the second slap touched my other cheek with fire, and he wasn’t even exerting himself. The circle closed in tight, someone stuffed a cloth in my mouth, and it didn’t take very long, but I had to use pain control even before Rommar’s fist reached my stomach. I lay curled up on the ground, nauseously dizzy and bleeding from one corner of my mouth, and there was still no anger in him. He had hurt me unemotionally and for a purpose, but I had nothing to do with that purpose.

The men were satisfied with what had been done, and I lay still for a few minutes after they were gone, then got rid of the gag and got painfully to my feet. My imad was ripped, my caldin was dirty, and I was expected to do something. I had a fairly good idea about what that something was, but I had no intentions of doing it. I got my bearings with a bit of difficulty then started back to my own area.

Even with pain control, it was harder going than I’d expected it to be. My stomach kept wanting to cramp up, and that made walking difficult. I kept to the shadows as much as possible, breathing heavily from the exertion, but about halfway there Loddar found me. He saw me before I was aware of him, and he hurried over.

“Terril, what has happened?” he demanded, lifting my face gently to see the bruises more clearly. A screaming anger filled him, and he lifted me from the ground. “Tammad was wise to feel concern over your absence,” he growled. “There will be blood spilled over this!”

He hurried back to the pavilion, moving carefully so as not to hurt me further. There weren’t many people about, for which I was grateful, and not having to walk let me work at restoring myself a little. By the time we got there, I was prepared to do what had to be done.

Tammad looked up as we entered, his annoyance disappearing immediately as he jumped to his feet. A deep ache filled him as he took me from Loddar, and he briefly and gently held me to him before setting me down on the cushions.

“How badly are you hurt?” he asked in a choked voice, his finger carefully daubing at the blood on my mouth. “I shall have his life for this, I swear it!”

“He wishes you to make the attempt.” I got out, not able to soothe his ache. I needed everything I had to keep from groaning and showing what a really good job Rommar had done.

“His wish shall be answered,” he said grimly, rising to his feet again. His rage was a monumental thing, harsher than anything I’d care to face. “Loddar, stay you with Terril and see to her. I shall return shortly.”

“Aye, you shall indeed return shortly” I said in disgust to his broad back. “Bereft of all you have worked for, but filled with a boy’s satisfaction. Your honor shall be intact.”

He whirled back to me, his face twisted with anger. “Am I to congratulate him on his treatment of my wenda?” he demanded in a roar. “Am I to become darayse and overlook his crime?”

“Are you to hop to his bidding as a child obeys its father?” I countered. “This was done for no purpose other than to force you to break the laws of the Ratanan! Your voice cannot be heard by the others from the distance of your own city and I would wager a goodly amount that he now sits surrounded by innocents who would condemn only you for baring a blade. He would be left here, and you would be gone! Is this what you wish?”

He stared at me, his mind in turmoil, and Loddar stepped closer. “Denday, she has the right of it,” he said slowly “I, too, would have faced the man with thirsty blade, yet she sees more clearly in spite of her pain. Sadayin wenda, as well as sarella. Her thoughts and actions do credit to her name, and I salute her courage.”

“My small warrior,” Tammad said, smiling slightly in spite of the ache that had reclaimed him, “is he to give you pain and suffer nothing himself in return, l’lenda wenda? I would indeed be darayse were I to allow such to happen.”

“His pain shall come at the defeat of his schemes.” I said, starting to feel dizzy again. “Should you bitterly discuss the happening with others, burning to know the identity of one who would do such a thing, no thoughts of darayse would arise. Also, should he admit the deed out of desperation, there would be few to stand with him. He may yet give you the opportunity you seek.”

“I am not to know who did this?” he asked in surprise. “How may I not know?”

“Through great fear of l’lendaa, I shall speak no name,” I answered weakly “You may then suspect, but you may not know.”

“Fear of l’lendaa!” Loddar guffawed, sticking his thumbs in his swordbelt. “Never have I seen wenda with so little fear of l’lendaa. Rommar shall indeed regret his actions.”

“I will not be satisfied until he is beyond regret,” Tammad said softly, sitting down next to me to stroke my hair. “Loddar, do you bring water, and have a broth prepared for my small warrior. I feel her pain is deeper than she would have us know.”

Loddar nodded and left, and I closed my eyes, drawing strength from the hand that touched my hair. In a short while my face was washed carefully and a short while after that the broth was brought. Again it had the strange but pleasing taste to it, and it went down easily into the void in me. I was then carried to my furs, undressed, and allowed to sleep.

It was still very dark when I awoke, and I moved carefully, testing for pain. Between my own efforts and the medicated broth there was none, but Tammad’s mind was instantly alert, centered on me with worry and fear. It was almost a shock to realize that he did feel fear, but the fear wasn’t personal, it was for me. His Prime’s work was nearly done, but he wasn’t afraid for his Prime. He was afraid for me.

“Are you in difficulty?” he asked softly, moving closer on his furs. His hand took mine and held it, swallowing it almost completely

“The pain is gone.” I answered, glad that he couldn’t see the bruises on my face. The dark gave me a courage I never thought I’d need, and I added in a small voice, “Tammad, may I share your furs?”

“Terrillian hama,” he breathed, drawing me to him as a great joy filled him. “Never before have you spoken my name, nor asked to come to me. I had almost given up hope.”

“Tammad hamak,” I murmured, thrilled with calling and being called beloved. “I had not had the courage nor sense to speak before this. More fool I.”

“Foolish perhaps, but never a fool.” He chuckled, holding me tight. “All will be well now.”

It wasn’t well, it was indescribably wonderful. I gave myself happily, and he accepted my gift gently, tenderly, yet still with passion. His desire was great, but he satisfied it with duration rather than intensity allowing me to share my strongest feelings in order to increase his satisfaction. The night surrounded wishes fulfilled, and never had life meant more to me.

The morning was beautiful, and even my almost constant yawning didn’t spoil it. Tammad laughed at the yawns, and I grinned along with him even as I blushed. The night had been too good to regret the loss of sleep.

I followed Tammad to the dendarsa camtah, which had been opened all around so that the gathered l’lendaa could hear the discussions within, and I was very glad there was no mirror available. I was dressed in a fresh imad and caldin, but I could gauge the bruises on my face by the fury and pain Tammad felt every time he looked at me. I had the company of a full dozen l’lendaa, and they would stay with me until Tammad was free again.

The morning was spent discussing the problem of the savages, and victory was very sweet. Rommar was unalterably opposed to a united effort against them and spoke convincingly for his position, but Tammad’s arguments were even more convincing. The dendayy supported Tammad, and I was glad I hadn’t scratched the itch to project a bit of general agreement and belief. Tammad’s victory was completely his own, and Rommar soured further with defeat.

The dendayy took the midday meal together, so I took the opportunity to go for a bath. Tammad gave reluctant permission for me to visit the stream on the far side of the camp, and his l’lendaa were just as jumpy as he was. They didn’t know who had attacked me the night before, but they hadn’t needed Tammad’s orders to keep a close eye on me. Every time they looked my way, their lips tightened and their minds seethed.

The stream was a very welcome sight, and I stripped quickly and stepped into the water. It was cool and refreshing, doing a lot to ease my tiredness. I washed quickly, then stood up to my shoulders soaking, a small smile of memory on my lips due to the night before.

I was brought back to reality by a brief cramp, then was shocked to see dark red swirling in the clear water below me. It was obvious that I was bleeding, and my first thought was that I’d been injured by Rommar’s attack on my stomach. I fretted over the idea for a minute or two, and then another possibility presented itself. It was nonsensical and impossible, but my body might have been telling me that I was pregnant!

Shakily, I told myself that that was ridiculous. I’d had my six month anti-pregnancy treatment, and it had never been known to fail. I had lots of time until the next treatment was due, as the last treatment had been taken care of just before I’d left for Dremmler’s sector. I cast my mind back, trying to pinpoint the exact date of treatment, then closed my eyes. I’d been treated almost two months before I’d left on my last assignment.

But it still couldn’t be! I was supposed to have warning when my protection wore off. Strong cramps that couldn’t be missed were the warning, and I hadn’t had those. I hadn’t felt anything like—my argument stopped and another part of me laughed at my blindness. I’d had the cramps, all right, but I’d thought it was Rommar’s doing. My body had warned me, but I’d missed the warning. Now it was taking great pleasure in telling me that it was pregnant, that it had finally gotten around the restrictions I’d imposed on it. Abrupt lack of protection like that made a woman immediately vulnerable, and the bleeding was a confirmation of impregnation that also couldn’t be missed.

I stayed where I was for the ten or fifteen minutes it took for the bleeding to stop, and happily the l’lendaa saw nothing of it. I was numb for a while, but then I examined my emotions and found only part of the shock I’d expected. I didn’t want to be pregnant, but it wasn’t the terrible thing I’d pictured, and I felt no different. Then I asked myself honestly if I could have gone home even if I hadn’t been pregnant, and I honestly had to answer no. Tammad was the man I wanted, but he was an earthbound deep-spacer on Central. He belonged with his own people, and I would have to stay wherever he was.

I climbed out of the water and dressed, wrapped in a calm that didn’t have to be forced. I hadn’t thought about what would happen after the Ratanan, but now I had to think about it. My hamak would take me back to his city, and then I would tell him my news. He had enough on his mind at present, and didn’t need to be distracted.

I got back to the dendarsa camtah shortly after the discussions had begun again, and I could feel Tammad’s relief all the way from the back of the crowd. I looked through a gap in the bodies and smiled at him, and his answering grin warmed every part of me. Various unimportant city matters were discussed through the afternoon, but I paid close attention so that my report on the dendayy would be as complete as possible.

That night after the evening meal, I gave Tammad my report. We discussed possible reactions to various arguments for the establishment of the Centran complex, and I was told which of the dendayy should be read again and more completely. I filed the instructions away for the next day then joyed in the touch of my hamak. He was fiercely pleased with me, and my admiration for his abilities couldn’t have been greater. He was a denday without equal, a l’lenda without fear, a man without doubt. I loved him.

The next two days were unremarkable. I listened to the discussions, read the men, made countless suggestions, and discovered more about Rommar. He, too, was a man with a purpose, but his purpose was to keep Rimilia isolated, and separated within her isolation. He feared and hated the idea of unity, but I couldn’t discover why. I tried hard enough, in order to counter the man better, but I had no luck.

The night of the fourth day, Tammad came back to our pavilion in high spirits. I looked at him questioningly, and he grinned.

“I have just outlined the arguments I plan to use in the next discussions,” he said lightly. “As the subject to be discussed is the Centran Complex, Caffar was most interested.”

“Caffar?” I blurted. “But isn’t he the one who—”

“Who is in the employ of Rommar?” He chuckled. “Indeed he is. Soon Rommar too shall hear of my plans.”

“You gave him counterfeit arguments!” I pounced, finally seeing the point. “When tomorrow comes, he’ll be totally unprepared!”

“Such is to be hoped.” He nodded, pulling me to him so be could run his hands over me. “Upon sword or dagger, it shall soon be decided. No other could have given me the aid you have supplied. You are truly l’lenda wenda, my Terrillian harna. Should victory come, it shall be yours as well.”

“I could ask for no more than to share it with you,” I said, meaning every word of it. We had worked together, and no matter what happened, we’d both know we’d done our best.

The next day was bright and sunny but it felt as if there should be lightning flashes. The tension was high among the spectators of the talks, and even the dendayy were showing signs of unrest. Everyone knew what was next on the agenda, and they knew, too, that any decision made could change their lives forever. Excitement flickered all around, but absolute silence descended once the dendayy were in their places. Tammad didn’t move from his cushion, but his voice rang out clearly.

“It is time that we speak of a matter of import,” he said to the others. “The last Ratanan saw a decision that must now be changed, else our world may be lost to us. I would speak in favor of what is called the Centran complex.”

“And I would speak against it!” Rommar put in loudly “The denday Tammad would have us believe that the offworlders mean us no harm, that our lands shall not be taken from us, that our ways shall not be interfered with. This is but the dream of an aged wenda, who fears the night and so reassures herself with fantasy. These offworlders, these mondarayse, seek to take what is ours with words. I, for one, mean to greet them with sword in hand, and thereafter watch them scurry back to their flying houses, never to return again!”

Ragged yells of agreement broke out here and there among the spectators, but the rest kept silent. Once the noise had died down, Tammad leaned back and inspected Rommar.

“The denday Rommar is fearless indeed,” he drawled. “To face the weapons of the offworlders, which may destroy a man completely from as far away as those farther trees, with naught save sword in hand, is something I, myself, would not care to do. The offworlders may scurry indeed—directly to their weapons.”

Rommar was slightly off-balance, but be didn’t let it show. Instead, he sneered at Tammad. “And if these weapons should be used? I am l’lenda, and unafraid to die! Not all here be darayse!”

“True,” Tammad agreed quickly before anyone else could react to the words. “Yet not all here be l’lenda either. What is to happen to our lands, and children, and wendaa once we have died uselessly? Dying is effortless, and may be achieved by the lowest of creatures. To live, to survive and prosper, requires l’lendaa!”

This time the cheers were for Tammad, and that infuriated Rommar. “And how are we to live?” he demanded. “As scraping servants to the mondarayse? They shall steal our manhood from us as they try to steal our land! We must not allow them to set foot on our world!”

“The time for such foolishness is long past,” Tammad answered coldly “They wish to have the use of our world, and shall have that use whether we wish it or no. They have greater numbers than we, greater weapons, and greater knowledge. We may refuse to allow them entry this Ratanan; by the next, those of us who have not died shall see the deed done!”

“I had thought you spoke for the offworlders,” Miggan put in from his spot. “Your words do not seem to agree with this.”

“I speak only for our people!” Tammad said forcefully rising to his feet. “The offworlders shall have what they covet, yet our people may still survive and prosper should this thing be done properly. Allow them their complex, yes, but with many sides to the agreement. The complex must be built in an area of our choosing; the laws of our people must be obeyed by all who walk among us; schooling in their knowledge must be made available to our young; much dinga must be available for our use. All these things and more they may be made to agree to now! Should they come in force for their complex, we shall be allowed only the right to die!”

“What of the life we have known!” Rommar shouted, also getting to his feet. “Think you our lives shall remain unchanged? That which we have always known shall be no more! Far better that we die than see the ways of our fathers fall to ashes before us!”

“Should we die, the ways of our fathers shall truly fall to ashes!” Tammad shouted back. “Only by living and growing with whatever comes may we preserve what there is to preserve. Our sons shall respect the words of living fathers; they may only mourn and forget the dead. We may die in righteousness, or we may live to struggle for our way of life. I am l’lenda! I cannot choose death over struggle!”

The roar of acclaim was deafening, and the other dendayy were also on their feet, shouting with the crowd. The agreement was there, so strong that nothing else came through. If the mood could be preserved, victory was inevitable.

“You do not hear my words!” Rommar screamed, his mind frothing with madness. “This man shall lead you all to destruction, yet I have never been one to follow blindly. I call this Tammad darayse, and spit on him! He does not dare to face me with sword in hand!”

The crowd quieted immediately, and Miggan stepped to Tammad. “It is not necessary to take notice of that one,” he said quietly “He speaks of the ways of our fathers, yet spurns the laws of the Ratanan. He may be sent from here in disgrace should that be your wish.”

“The laws of the Ratanan are to be obeyed,” Tammad said, his eyes on Rommar. “Yet, I, too, must spurn them for a greater purpose, I accept his challenge.”

The crowd moved aside to let the dendayy off the pavilion platform, then formed a large ring. Tammad and Rommar stepped into the center of the ring and faced each other with drawn swords, fury filling Rommar, satisfaction in Tammad.

Rommar moved first, swinging his sword back, then bringing it forward two-handed. Tammad brought his own sword up and caught the blow, then swung in attack at Rommar. Metal clashed and rang, and it was obvious that Tammad faced a man who was his equal. The two giants swung at each other, but not blindly. Each handled his blade with skill and control, Rommar using his rage to add to his strength. He whipped his sword at Tammad, trying to open him wide, and Tammad jumped back out of the way just in time. Tammad avoided the back-swing as well, then chopped hard at Rommar, making him duck away from the vengeful edge that would have cut him in two.

Then, without any warning, the end came. Rommar swung his sword back for another furious assault, and Tammad’s blade arched down, splitting Rommar’s head. Rommar’s mind was then beyond pain, and his body fell to the dust of Rimilia, having finally achieved the ultimate isolation.

The l’lendaa moved forward to voice their approval, and I turned silently and went back to our pavilion to sit myself among the cushions. I needed some time to think, to straighten out in my own mind what had happened.

Tammad had won his victory but not along the lines we had discussed. He was supposed to have stressed the benefits of membership in the Amalgamation, instead he had used distrust and urgency to make his points. He intended to use the Amalgamation to get what he wanted for his people, just as he had used the information I had provided to sway the dendayy. His game was deep, and I finally understood why I hadn’t been included in the talks with his allies. They, presumably had been told his true plans. In spite of all of my previous decisions, I didn’t know whether or not I completely approved of his intention to use the Amalgamation to achieve his ends. It didn’t seem quite fair.

When Tammad finally got back to the pavilion, he was calmly pleased. He threw himself down on the pillows near me and grinned happily.

“The thing is done,” he said, pulling me to him. “The dendayy support my suggestions, and shortly the offworlders shall be allowed their complex. My people have much to look forward to, but great care must be taken lest they lose all through innocence. I shall do all I may to see that such does not occur.”

“Do you really think the Amalgamation will deliberately destroy your people?” I asked quietly “Can you believe them such heartless monsters?”

He sighed and smoothed my hair. “It shall not be from conscienceless doing that such will occur, Terril mine. In the presence of new ways, the old must change or die completely. Many years ago, I traveled to the lands that lie far to the south. Two separate peoples dwell in that land, one with greater ability than the other. The two peoples had never fought, yet the people with lesser ability were nearly gone. They had clung to their old ways and attempted to make no changes, as they wished to preserve what their fathers had built. Their children looked about them, yearned for the greater knowledge to be had with the abler people, and left their homes never to return. These children took the ways of the abler people as well as their knowledge, and their fathers died alone, bitter and deserted. It was not the fault of the abler people, not that of the children. Should greater knowledge be available, it is part of a man to wish to possess it.”

“And you don’t want your people to die bitter and alone.” I summed up, stroking his face. The courage it takes to force people to survive! “You’ll see that they change their ways so that those ways may be preserved. Rapan was right when she spoke of your wisdom. You will be denday of dendayy and your people will flourish.”

“I have little wisdom..” He grinned, “Else I would not have faced Rommar. Should he have bested me, my people would soon have followed in my path. I took a boy’s satisfaction, and shall not do so again until my successor is chosen. Then my death will be meaningless.”

“Never will it be meaningless!” I gasped, holding him tight. “You are foolish indeed to speak so!”

“Forgive me, l’lenda wenda,” he laughed softly. “I shall not speak so again. With one such as you, there is little need to speak at all.”

He spoke to me then without words, and I sang in response. Never before had I known such a man, never again will there be another.

After we had eaten together, he left to see to his business and I stayed in the pavilion and dreamed. I was eager to get back to our city so I could learn what Gilor had to teach me. I wanted to do everything for Tammad and be everything to him, and proudly bear his children. My gift would be a part of every child I gave him, and I would give him as many as he wished. I would be his to the end of my days.

There were still at least three hours to sundown when he returned. I ran to greet him, but he drew me outside where Loddar, Kennan, and a dozen other l’lendaa were waiting, mounted on seetarr with pack seetarr as well. I stared at them, not understanding, and Tammad put his arm around my shoulders.

“You shall go with Loddar and Kennan,” he said quietly “They are charged with your safety, and shall care for you.”

“Go?” I echoed in confusion. “Go where? Where am I being sent?”

“You go to the house of the offworlders,” he answered. “As it is a long journey it is best you begin now. Fare you well, Terril mine, and see that you mind Loddar. He shall look upon you as one of his daughters.”

He squeezed me briefly, then turned away and headed back toward the dendarsa camtah. In deep shock I put my hand out after him, wanting to call him back, wanting to beg him to keep me. My mind went to his and my soul screamed in agony—because there was no sadness or regret in him, no sense of loss of any sort. He was sending me back because my job was done, and he would not miss the Prime he had used. My hand fell again to my side, the words unspoken, and my world was dead and gone.

“Come, Terrill,” Loddar said gently. “You shall ride with me.”

I walked woodenly to Loddar and let him lift me to the saddle fur behind him. I put my arms around his waist, feeling nothing, and we started for the road. Not once did I try to look back.