The Warrior Within

13

When I woke in the morning, I stretched lazily then groaned when I realized that Tammad was gone again. I had a faint memory of his holding me as we both slept, but he hadn’t awakened me and he hadn’t touched me otherwise. I dressed quickly determined to find him, but his pattern was nowhere in the house, so I went to the kitchen instead to find Gilor.

“Where has Tammad gone?” I asked as soon as I saw her. She was patiently stirring a big kettle of something and didn’t answer immediately.

“The denday has gone about his business,” she finally said. “He has instructed me that you are to rest this day, eat well, and be given no work. For one who cares nothing for you, he is indeed generous.”

“Have you never been in error?” I asked defensively “He keeps close to himself and does not allow his feelings to reach me, but now the truth is known to me. Gilor, what may I do for him?”

“You may obey him.” She laughed, looking over at me with happiness in her eyes. “You are to eat, rest, and do no work.”

“But I wish to do something for him!” I protested. “Is there no plate to carry, no haddin to be washed, no—”

I broke off and closed my eyes, feeling the meager list of useless, menial chores echo and ache inside of me. There was nothing I could do for him that other women couldn’t do ten times better. I was still useless, and couldn’t imagine why he would want me.

“Do not let sadness touch you,” Gilor said gently and compassionately, coming over to put her arm around me. “That he cares for you is the telling point. All else may be easily seen to and learned by one who is willing. Are you now willing?”

I looked at her, understanding that my “cooperative” assistance of the day before hadn’t fooled her, then nodded my head. I might be left with no unburned skin on my hands, but I’d do my damnedest to learn.

“Good,” she said and patted my shoulder. “I shall be pleased to teach you that which you must know the moment Tammad gives his permission.

“This day you must eat and rest, therefore shall you take a bowl and begin to do so.”

She dippered out a bowlful of thick whatever and handed it to me, and I could see there was no sense in arguing with her. She was not about to disobey Tammad, and her mind was firm. I took the bowl glumly, used the small scoop —and felt my eyebrows rise at the taste. It was coarse and gritty, but it had a light, sweet flavor unlike anything I’d ever eaten. I emptied the bowl quickly, but had it taken firmly out of my hands when I tried to clean it. Gilor was annoyed, and I was banished from the kitchen.

I wandered around for a while, bored by total inactivity, then went outside. My seetar waited anxiously at the corral gate, and I hastened to assure her that I was all right. She half-sensed my still twisting emotions and snorted dubiously, but calmed down enough to lie in the sunny grass where I could sit too and lean against her. I relaxed in the sun with partially closed eyes, trying to arrange my thinking into something resembling lucidity. When Tammad’s male came over hesitantly, I stroked the nose he put in my lap without really seeing it.

I spent the rest of the day with the seetarr and there wasn’t a sign of Tammad. I tried to go with the other women when they left for the river, but one of the l’lendaa marched me firmly back into the house. The denday had left word that I wasn’t to go to the river, and there was no arguing them out of it. I managed to avoid insulting anyone, but I was left with such a sour mood that I took some meat to nibble on and went back to the seetarr. For the rest of the afternoon I wondered why everyone else found it so easy obeying the denday, while I always had such difficulty. Maybe it was a matter of point of view.

At sundown I went back to the house, knowing in advance that Tammad hadn’t yet returned. Gilor wrinkled her nose when I got within sniffing distance, and immediately sent for the large wooden tub. I didn’t want a bath just then, but I got one anyway, as well as a lecture on what a man dislikes in a woman. As the strong smell of seetar was high on the list of dislikes, Gilor was not about to let me hurt my own cause.

After I was dry brushed, and into clean clothes, I was allowed to eat. I crouched near one of the sputtering kitchen torches, eating mechanically and staring out into the night. It was quiet and peaceful outside, warm and comfortable inside, and not much different from Central. Oh, there were a lot of broad differences, but specific items like sky and trees and food and shelter were all the same. It was not difficult thinking myself home.

When the meal was finished, Gilor came by to take the plate and tell me it was time to sleep. I flatly refused to budge from the spot until Tammad got back, and she just shrugged and walked away. Five minutes later Bollan took her place, and there was no refusing with him. He might have been older than most of the other men I’d seen, but he was still straight and tall, and he was still l’lenda. He escorted me to Tammad’s sleeping room, waited with folded arms until I’d undressed, then quietly shut the door.

I lay in the furs, determined to stay awake this time until Tammad came back, and I wasn’t sleepy enough to lose control. I waited half the night, but he never did show up.

“Time to awaken, small warrior,” a voice murmured in my ear. I knew immediately who it was, and couldn’t help smiling.

“About time you got back,” I mumbled, putting my arms around his neck. “What took so long?”

“The preparations were many,” He chuckled, putting his hands somewhere other than near my neck. “All is now complete, and we must be on our way. The Ratanan comes whether we attend or no.”

“The Ratanan?” I said, trying to sit up straight. “Are we leaving today?”

“If ever you arise,” he said, moving back to look at me. “Was my word obeyed during the last sun?”

“For the most part.” I hedged. “I didn’t know we were leaving today. You could have told me.”

“There was no need for you to be told,” he answered, watching as I got into the imad and caldin. “Had you obeyed my word, you would have been properly prepared. Come you now for something to eat. We leave as soon as we are done.”

He straightened from his crouch and led the way to the kitchen, where a sleepy-looking Gilor was waiting with a bowl of thick whatever for me and a chunk of spiced meat for him. I ate the whatever without comment, but much of its flavor disappeared in the face of the meat. The good part about the upcoming trip was that I, too, would soon have meat for breakfast. Thick whatever is not enough to face the day on.

We went out the front of the house to find a double line of fifty l’lendaa already mounted and waiting for us in the just-dawn chirping. There were a good number of pack-seetarr on leather leads, and quite a few of the l’lendaa had women mounted behind them. Tammad’s big male was saddled and ready, and Tammad walked up to him.

“A moment.” I said quietly, putting my hand on his arm. “I do not see my seetar here.”

“Nor shall you,” he answered, checking the saddle straps. “That one is too easily enraged to be taken along.” He turned, lifted me by the waist, and set me down on the saddle fur. “Your place is there, and there you shall stay”

He was up into the saddle before I could even begin to argue, and then we were off down the road. I was so annoyed, I just held onto his swordbelt with my fingers as the rest of the party moved off with us, but after a few minutes I put my arms around his waist and leaned against him. His pleasure was so apparent that it made me glad my seetar wasn’t there.

We stopped for lunch by the side of the road, and the dimral was passed around. Dimral isn’t as good as the spiced meat Gilor makes, but it stands up to spoilage better, and is almost always used when traveling. Some of the l’lendaa came over to eat with Tammad, and there was a lot of good-natured joking around. When the food had been finished and everyone started back to his own seetar one of the men paused near Tammad.

“My wenda feels certain that the night shall produce the desired results, denday,” he grinned, slapping Tammad on the shoulder. “Again I must thank you for honoring me.”

Tammad grinned back and turned to lift me to the saddle fur, not missing the narrow-eyed look I gave him. His grin broadened as he climbed into the saddle, but when I muttered, “Preparations, huh?” he laughed out loud. He continued to laugh when I resolutely put my fingers back in his swordbelt, and stubbornly refused to stop until I held him around the waist again.

I’d expected us to camp in the woods that night, but sundown came close and there was no sign of our stopping. Just at dark the column paused, and one of the l’lendaa rode up to us to hand Tammad a bundle of material. Tammad took it and turned off into the woods, leaving the rest of the column on the road.

“You shall wear this imad and caldin,” he said, handing me the bundle when we were out of sight of the column. “The Ratanan ground is not far ahead of us, and I wish you to have the status of rella wenda. Thus shall you be able to enter the dendarsa camtah with me.”

I nodded and let him slide me to the ground, then started changing clothes. The imad and caldin were brand new, of a soft, rich-feeling material, and I knew the colors would be bright and compelling. Rella wendaa were not for breeding but for showing off, and only some of the most prominent leaders had them. If being a rella wenda would gain me entrance to the denday’s tent, then I would be a rella wenda. It was better than sneaking up on the outside of the dendarsa camtah.

I found a pair of buskins in the center of the bundle, and put those on, too. It seemed so long since the last time I’d worn shoes of any sort that the buskins felt strange to my feet. I rolled up the old imad and caldin, and handed them up to Tammad.

“Before we continue on, I have one question.” I said as he swung me up behind him. “You have a habit of telling me nothing I don’t need to know on the spot, so let me be as general as possible. Is there anything that I’ll need to know once we reach the Ratanan grounds? Having surprises sprung on me doesn’t make for good working conditions.”

“There is nothing that comes to mind,” he said, thinking about it carefully. “Should you find something you do not understand, ask me and I shall explain. I do not wish you to be at a disadvantage.”

“Fair enough.” I agreed, and we headed back toward the column. When we reached it, we all continued up the road, and in less than an hour came to the Ratanan ground.

The area was to the left of the road in a broad, clear field that stretched for miles. Hundreds of camtahh were pitched in the field in groups, and in the midst of each large group was an oversized camtah, more a pavilion than anything else. It was too dark to count the exact number of pavilions, but there should have been twenty-four, one for each of the other twenty-four towns represented. Tammad and his people made the twenty-fifth, but the Ratanan would have begun on time even if some of the twenty-five hadn’t been there.

The separate groups were dotted with campfires, which made it easier to see where we were going. We made our way between two of the groups, the l’lendaa of each group coming out to greet Tammad as we passed, then reached a wide, empty space. Most of our l’lendaa began choosing places to dismount, but five of them, all without wendaa, stayed near Tammad as he changed direction slightly for a pavilion that was even larger than the others, and also stood alone. There were l’lendaa standing near it, and we stopped among them.

“Aldana, Tammad, aldana!” many of them called with broad grins, then came closer as I was swung to the ground. “You are a welcome sight, as is your wenda. There are few about to equal her.”

“Aye, Hannas.” Tammad laughed as he dismounted. “She is comely to a small degree. Is Rommar as yet in attendance?”

“He sits within,” the one called Hannas answered with his own laugh. “Besides him, one may also see his rella wenda. Garrad will be pleased at your arrival.”

All the l’lendaa within hearing laughed aloud at that, which made me curious. There was some amusement they were sharing, and I wondered what it could be.

Tammad removed his swordbelt, handed it, along with the extra dagger, to one of his l’lendaa, then went toward the pavilion entrance. I followed behind, feeling the itch of what I usually called a hunch. It was more a matter of receiving definite signals, and worked a good deal more accurately when I was awakened. I had the feeling that my presence there had been well planned for, and would not arouse undue curiosity where it shouldn’t be aroused. It would be interesting to see if I was right.

Tammad pushed the entrance hanging aside, and the light from the interior spilled out into the night. He opened it only wide enough to let himself step through, then stood there for a moment, to let his eyes adjust, I thought. There were greetings called to him from within the pavilion, and I stopped just behind him, feeling the patterns of many men, but not able to see them. Then he stepped suddenly aside and I was framed in the opening, almost two dozen pairs of eyes staring directly at me.

There was complete silence for a very brief time, then normal conversation began again and one of the men rose and came toward us, a big grin on his face as he looked at me.

“Tammad, I expected you before this,” he said, pausing near us to study me. “Though I believe I see the reason for your delay. Sarella wenda.”

I smiled pleasantly at the man who had called me an unusually beautiful woman, and Tammad grinned back at him. “She is adequate, Garrad,” he said fondly “How has the time passed for you?”

“All too quickly” the man called Garrad answered with a rueful smile. “There are many more things requiring a denday’s time than he has the time to give them. As you well know. Come and seat yourself, and share the drishnak.”

He turned and led the way back toward his place among the cushions, not far from the silken back wall of the pavilion. A group of men sat there, grins on their faces and welcome in their minds, but Tammad stopped in the middle of the fur-covered floor to grin at a man on the far right. The man stared back without expression, but furious hate was strong within him. A really beautiful woman sat near him, long silky blond hair falling past her waist, a definite green tinge to her lovely blue eyes.

“Aldana, Rommar,” Tammad said in a casual drawl. “I see you are again accompanied by your rella wenda. She is even more tempting than I had remembered, and you are generous to share the sight of her.”

“No more generous than you, Tammad,” Rommar answered, almost in a growl. “A wenda such as yours is rare indeed, and I would know how you came by her.”

“She took a fancy to my furs and followed me” Tammad grinned broadly “Was I to see her walking the roads unprotected? I shall keep her for the time, and perhaps she may one day suit me.”

Rommar outwardly controlled himself at that, but the banter made his mind seethe even more furiously. It was obvious now that I was supposed to be a counter to the other man’s rella wenda, and I was forced to admire Tammad’s thought processes. He must have had that eventuality in mind as far back as our first meeting on Central, accepting me as the help he needed, knowing how easily I would fit in. Sadayin l’lenda, brainy indeed.

Rommar leaned back slightly pulling his wenda to him. The girl looked at him with an adoring but cowed gaze, then curled up tightly against his chest.

“So you fail to suit him, eh, wenda?” Rommar said to me. “My Nalar would not dare to fail to suit me. She is just as I wish her to be.”

“That is easily seen, l’lenda,” I answered with an easy nod. “Perhaps it is more difficult suiting one such as Tammad.”

Every man in the pavilion roared with laughter, but Rommar didn’t see any humor in the comment. He scowled at me, strong anger filling his mind, but Tammad’s pleasure came to me even more strongly. He reached out and stroked my hair, then led the way to where Garrad was waiting.

“A rare wenda indeed.” Garrad grinned as Tammad lowered himself to the cushions. “She has almost the sound of l’lenda to her. I, too, would know how you came by her.”

“She was gifted to me by her father,” Tammad answered, pulling me down, not next to him, but into his lap. “He found her pride too great for so slight a form, and asked only that she be taught moderation and obedience. Do you now heed my words, Terril. I am flattered by your exalted opinion of me, yet did you come too close to insult with Rommar. Have you need of another lesson in the consequences of insult?”

“I spoke very carefully so as not to give insult.” I told him, and grinned up into his half-amused eyes. “Had I intended insult, I should have added that Tammad does not use fear to see himself suited. No true l’lenda would.”

Tammad wearily rubbed his eyes with one hand while the other l’lendaa around us guffawed. Garrad was vastly amused, and he clapped Tammad on the shoulder.

“She is well named, my friend,” he said with a huge grin. “I have no doubt but that your sword has often needed honing since the acquisition of her. Have you yet worn out a switch?”

“Not through lack of effort,” Tammad answered dryly, giving me a stern look. “Should Terril wish me to again make the attempt, she need but speak in such a fashion once more. The laws of the Ratanan forbid the use of weapons, yet say nothing of the use of a switch.”

“Does Tammad truly seek to make me fear the switch?” I asked innocently, running a finger over his chest. “I had not thought he had need of such.”

“All men have need of aid with wendaa.” Tammad grinned. “And should you continue to do as you now do, you may be sure that I shall take you in this very place, in spite of the amusement of my brothers. This, too, would be fitting punishment for your pride.”

I snatched my finger away from his chest as the men laughed again, wondering if he was really telling the truth. That he was easily aroused by me I already knew, but would he really—right there in front of everybody—I took a shaky breath and decided not to try to find out.

Tammad was given drishnak by an ordinary serving wenda, and the evening wore on. When large platters of meat chunks were passed among the l’lenda, I tried to take a chunk and got my hand slapped. Tammad chose one for me instead, but I didn’t make a fuss about it—I was too hungry and too busy studying the men in the pavilion.

All the men in Garrad’s group had their attention on Tammad so they were easy to read, as was the group around Rommar, who were constantly taking turns glancing our way but the uncommitted dendayy who ranged themselves with neither side were another matter entirely. They were trying hard for neutrality, but most of them tended to lean more toward Rommar, and that wasn’t good. It hadn’t been hard to see that Rommar was leader of the opposition.

I stayed in Tammad’s lap, facing away from everyone else and holding him around with my eyes closed, but I wasn’t trying to snuggle or hide. I was preparing reports on the uncommitted dendayy, pinpointing what I could of them so as to make identification easier, too. It wouldn’t have helped much to try to describe the large, blond l’lendaa, and I didn’t know their names.

I finished what I could of the preliminary reports, coming back to awareness of my surroundings to find that Tammad and his friends had had more of the drishnak than the meat chunks. Their minds were as blurry as their laughter, and when one looked at me it was with a good deal more heat than previously, I made the mistake of trying to get out of Tammad’s lap, and was pulled back firmly and smacked hard on the bottom for not having first asked permission. Tammad’s emotional control was still good, but it was a lot sloppier than it had been because of the drishnak. I had no trouble telling that he was on the verge of being thoroughly angry with me again, so I stayed where I was to avoid more unpleasantness. I couldn’t count on his judgment in the sort of condition he had gotten himself into.

Before very much longer, every l’lenda in the pavilion was limp. One or two of them still had the strength to hold onto a goblet, but I doubt if they knew what they were holding onto. The girl Nalar was nearly crushed beneath Rommar’s arm, but she was making no attempt to get away from him, and I could understand that. My own owner had opted for holding me down on his lap in an obvious and potentially painful way. If I tried to move before he was completely out cold, I would definitely and embarrassingly regret it.

I had just about decided to try prying the fistful of my caldin out of Tammad’s hand, when the l’lendaa who had been left outside began filing into the pavilion. They were chuckling and talking quietly to each other, but separated once they were inside to go to their various dendayy. One of Tammad’s men got me loose with a single pull, then he and two others lifted Tammad and began carrying him out. I found out why the standard retinue was five in number when one of the far gone dendayy tried to resist being carried out. I turned my back on the battle and followed Tammad’s body.

The l’lendaa carried Tammad past the camtahh that had been set up, to a smaller pavilion that was obviously his. They took him inside while I paused to take a deep breath of the fresh night air, a moment later discovering a I’lenda at my elbow. I looked up to see a grinning Faddan studying me.

“You do not seem to care for Tammad’s state,” he told me with a chuckle. “Had you hoped to have him conscious and aware of you?”

“I had hoped for a long conversation with him.” I answered blandly staring him straight in the eye. “Now it must wait for the new sun.”

“Aye.” Faddan laughed, deeply amused. “All—conversation—must wait for the new sun. I bid you a pleasant sleep, Terril.”

He walked away still chuckling, and I stood outside the pavilion, seeing the campfires range into the distance. I was tired from the day-long trip, drained from studying the men in the pavilion, and the night wasn’t as peaceful as most people consider it. Emotions are more intense at night, and though a lot of people slept, those who were still awake made up for the sleepers. I stood slumped in the night, wondering where I was supposed to sleep.

“The denday calls for his wenda,” one of the men announced as the three who had carried Tammad into the pavilion filed out again. “Still does he sleep, yet still must his word be obeyed. Do you now go to him, wenda. ”

I felt annoyance even as I stepped into the pavilion. Their denday was dead drunk, but I was still expected to obey him. There was a small torch burning feebly in one corner of the pavilion, and I could see Tammad stretched out on his furs. His haddin had been removed, and it lay to the left of the furs near his swordbelt. Tammad himself moved restlessly on his furs, his mind empty but for a small yet definite annoyance. He tossed a bit and mumbled, reaching around as if searching for something.

I removed the imad and caldin, folded them carefully then slid into my furs, which were, unsurprisingly, right next to Tammad’s. He continued to toss around, his annoyance growing, until his arm happened to fall across me. Immediately I was pulled to him, held tight in a grip that was unbreakable. The annoyance in his mind began fading at once, letting him lapse into a deep, restorative sleep. I rubbed my cheek against the chest I was pinned to, and had no difficulty at all in finding sleep of my own.