When I Surrender

Chapter Sixteen McKenna

The events of last night had me reeling and the harsh light of morning did nothing to bring clarity. When I’d told Knox about Brian’s advances and that I needed to go home, he’d been so indifferent. But then he’d taken me to his bed – our lovemaking rough and passionate. I couldn’t help but wonder if that was his way of letting me go.

Last night had been so intense, so unexpected. Feeling him mark me with his hot semen made me crave him even more. Everything about Knox was addicting – from the way he took charge of my body and my pleasure to the way he commanded my heart.

I climbed from bed while he slept, hauling my backpack to the bathroom to wash up and change. When I returned to his bedroom, I wondered how I would wake him, how I could possibly say goodbye, but the bed was now empty. The messy blankets were the only evidence of our night spent together. But finding him missing wasn’t what stopped me dead in my tracks. On the window beside his bed I saw three little words written with a fingertip on the frosty pane of glass. I love you.

Knox has left me a message, something he wasn’t capable of telling me out loud.

I sunk down on the mattress, trying to process what this meant – why he’d left this for me to see and then fled the room. I wanted to run down the stairs, find him, and throw myself into his arms. But as I sat there staring at the words fading into the glass, I started to become angry.

I’d given him my virginity, my complete trust, I’d told him I loved him. I’d cared for him and his brothers when they were sick and I’d risked my entire career. And for what? A man who seemed so indifferent to me leaving? Who didn’t even possess the courage to say back to me what I’d already told him weeks ago?

Feeling crushed, I glanced up one last time, and saw the words had faded into nothing. They were gone. Not even a trace remained. If Knox had really wanted me to see this…why would he have written it somewhere so fleeting?

I grabbed my backpack and headed downstairs. All four of the Bauer boys were in the kitchen, fixing breakfast while Knox fiddled with the coffee pot. He took his time, adding the filter and coffee to the machine, then crossing the room to add water to the carafe. Was he avoiding me?

“I’m gonna head out. Have a good day at school, boys.” Three sets of warm brown eyes turned to mine while Knox focused on his task with a deep crease etched across his forehead. “Bye, Knox.” I forced the words from my mouth when all I wanted to do was go to him.

“Bye, McKenna,” he said softly, refusing to even glance my way.

Okay, then. I wouldn’t build up our relationship in my mind into something it wasn’t. He wasn’t ready and only time would tell if he ever would be.