Before Jamaica Lane

11

I did drift off to sleep, waking up a little after noon, just in time to shower, get dressed, and wait for Dad to stop by the apartment and walk with me to Elodie and Clark’s for Sunday lunch.

In the hours before sleep, though, I had time to really think, as Nate suggested.

I came to one conclusion: I wanted to see this through. I even felt I had to. But … what I hadn’t considered when I blurted out my request to Nate was our friends. We were a pretty tight group, and although I was sure Nate and I could contain it, I was a little worried about any impact that this would have on the dynamics of our group. I was also more than a little worried that I was overly confident in my belief that Nate and I should jump into this deal and it would all be okay.

But I really wanted to see this through. The truth was I didn’t believe I was ever meant to be an insecure person, and that was because for the most part I wasn’t. I believed in my own intelligence; I believed in my own common sense; I believed that my personality, albeit quirky, was a good one; I believed that I was capable; I believed that I could do whatever I set my mind to. I wanted to believe that if someone didn’t like me, then that someone wasn’t worthy of my time.

I believed in me.

I believed in all the things written within me, I’d just somehow along the way stopped believing in my book jacket. I don’t know why. But I don’t think that was ever meant to happen. I don’t think I was ever meant to be the kind of person who questions her own adequacy; who allows anyone to make her think she’s lacking in some way.

But there I was. That’s how I felt.

And I was tired of moaning and whining and complaining about it to myself. I’d watched my beautiful young mother battle through cancer and lose that fight. Life was short. Too short to spend it hating a part of yourself, and not doing something to get your confidence back. Too short to not be living it.

Sex was a massive part of life and living. I felt unqualified in it and there was someone who could give me a little practical experience to build my confidence and take me closer to that woman I believed I was always meant to be.

So, after lunch, I had every intention of calling Nate and asking him my question again. There was no fire from the whisky to keep my courage ablaze. There was just me and my determination to become a woman who liked herself … all the way through.

Turns out, I didn’t need to wait until after lunch to ask my question.

Not only did Elodie have an extra person to feed in Dee, but Nate had dropped by Cam’s earlier that day to hang out, and he ended up with an invitation to Sunday roast as well. Not that Elodie cared. With the Nichols family it was always ‘the more, the merrier.’

It did mean, however, that I found myself standing outside on Elodie and Clark’s tiny terrace at the back of their house, enjoying a warm spring day with Jo while the others were inside.

I was waiting for Nate, and my nerves were jumping all over the place. Thinking of the moment when I’d have to repeat my request to him, I nervously chugged an entire glass of water.

‘Are you okay, Liv?’

I glanced, wide-eyed, at Jo. She was watching me, appearing concerned.

‘You seem wired.’

Taking in her expectant expression, I suddenly wanted to tell her everything. The words crawled up my throat and got stuck as my heart pounded hard.

‘Liv?’

For all my determination, I grew very unsure as I gazed at my friend. What if Nate and I starting this thing really was a bad idea for us all? ‘I have this friend,’ I blurted out. ‘From work. He laid this dilemma on me and you know what I’m like, I like to have the right answer.’

Jo grew thoughtful. ‘Okay. What’s the dilemma?’

‘He has this group of friends. They’re all close, but there’s a girl in that group that he likes and they both want each other, but with their histories they don’t know where something between them could lead. They’re also worried how it’ll affect their group.’

I tensed when I finished talking, attempting to pretend that Jo didn’t look as if she didn’t believe for one second the dilemma was the dilemma of a colleague. I waited for her to call me out.

‘Well’ – she heaved a sigh – ‘I think if your friend likes this girl he should go for it.’

Relief flooded me and I felt myself relax. Jo wasn’t going to out me.

Great.

‘You think?’

A reassuring little smile played on her lips. ‘If he really wants to go there and it feels right for him, then he should. No one knows where a relationship is ever going to lead. We go into these things blind and as it progresses, as you get to know each other, the light starts streaming in. As for the group of friends … well, if they’re as close as you say they are, then they’ll understand. They’ll go with it and they’ll handle it, whatever happens.’

I drew in my breath as Jo reached for my hand. Her eyes told me she saw through my subterfuge, and the comforting squeeze she gave me told me she had my back.

I sort of, kind of, loved the heck out of her in that moment.

‘There you are,’ Cam said as he slid open the French doors and stepped out onto the patio, followed by Nate.

I smiled in greeting, my nerves starting up again at the sight of Nate, and I let him, Jo, and Cam carry the conversation as they sipped chilled glasses of Coke.

‘Peetie and I were talking about visiting home for a long weekend in a few weeks’ time,’ Cam said to Nate. ‘We thought all of us’ – he gestured to everyone – ‘could go. We could rent a house, split it six ways.’

‘Six?’ Nate frowned.

‘Well, me, Jo, you, Liv, Peetie, and Lyn. Of course Cole will be with us, too.’

Nate turned to me. ‘What do you think? Fancy meeting my folks?’

Inside my head there was a small version of me jumping up and down with glee and excitement at the prospect of meeting Nate’s parents, seeing where he came from, and delving further into the history that had created the man I’d come to know. On the outside I gave a nonchalant nod and an agreeable smile. ‘Sounds good.’

‘Great.’ Jo reached for the sliding doors. ‘I’ll start looking into finding us somewhere to rent.’

She and Cam moved inside to the empty dining room, Cam holding the door open for us. Nate shook his head. ‘We’ll be in soon.’

That meant he wanted to speak to me alone.

I sucked in a breath as Jo and Cam disappeared.

Nate didn’t say a thing.

A minute passed.

Two.

Finally I huffed, ‘Are you going to make me say it?’

‘Depends.’ He smirked at me, but I noticed there was something careful in his eyes, something a little like apprehension. ‘What is it you’re going to say?’

Glancing back at the door, I made sure we were definitely alone before I spoke. ‘I wasn’t drunk last night.’

There was no hint of humor on Nate’s face as he replied, ‘You trust me to do this with you, but I’ve got to trust that you won’t try to make this into anything more than a friend helping out another friend.’

Okay, so deep down in that dark place where I’d shoved it last night there was a little thing called jealousy that had reared its ugly head when Nate took that girl’s number. But that was just a blip and I could get a handle on it. I was attracted to Nate, yes, and yes, I cared about him, but I had a big old crush on Benjamin, not Nate, and Benjamin was the goal here.

Trying to bring a little levity to the conversation, I said, ‘I’m sure I’ll somehow manage not to fall for you.’

His left dimple flashed in and out. ‘I’m sure that’ll be easy for you.’

‘I’d like to point out something.’

‘Point away.’

‘I know you’re used to getting laid. But I’m offering a chance here for completely hassle-free sex. It can’t be too much of a hardship.’

‘No.’ He smiled suggestively. ‘Not a hardship at all.’ For a moment he was silent as he contemplated my proposition. He looked back at the door, making certain we were still alone. ‘Well, if we’re doing this, I’ll get myself checked out and I promise not to fuck around with anyone else during … our lessons.’ I knew I didn’t keep my surprise at his offer off my face because he scowled immediately. ‘Babe, if you’re going to start up a sex life, be smart about it. I get checked every three months, and when the time comes for you and this Benjamin guy, make sure he’s clean before you start anything up. I’m not due for a checkup for a few weeks, but I’ll move it up for you. Maybe you should think about going on the pill.’

Now that we were discussing particulars my heart had joined in the conversation and it was loud. It thumped, thumped, thumped behind my rib cage, determined to let me know that it was freakin’ out slightly. I willed it to chill. ‘I’m already on it. It regulates my … you know.’ I couldn’t control the blushing.

Nate closed the gap between us so his chest grazed mine. ‘Not rethinking your proposition already, are you?’

Uh …

‘No.’ I forced my courage back to the fore. ‘I just want to clarify that you understand what you’re getting into. I mean, I know I was being all cocky about you getting regular sex and it not being a hardship, but the truth is this isn’t a casual sex arrangement. This is you … teaching me … stuff.’

Nate’s eyes instantly brightened with mirth and he repeated quietly, ‘Stuff?’

My cheeks burned. ‘Stuff.’

‘Stuff?’

I looked around us, watching for listening ears. Finding none, I looked back into his eyes, ignoring the awareness that tingled across my body as our chests brushed. ‘How to … how to please you,’ I muttered under my breath.

A glitter of heat entered his eyes as they dipped to my mouth. The air around us changed. I felt my breasts swell, and that all-too-familiar arousal between my legs.

My breathing hitched.

As did Nate’s.

I felt his warm hand on my hip and he gave me a hard squeeze before stepping back, allowing the oxygen to flow freely into my lungs again. ‘This is the wrong place to tease you.’ His voice was low, thick with … sex?

He was just as turned on as I was.

Surprised, I gave him a nod, brushing my hair back from my face. ‘Yeah. We should … we should go in.’

‘You go on.’ He gestured to the door. ‘I’ll be in, in a second.’

My hand was on the doorknob and I was just about to step inside when his voice, wrapped around my name, stopped me in my tracks.

‘Yeah?’ I looked back at him over my shoulder.

‘We’ll start tonight.’ Nate’s expression was filled with sexual promise that sent a shiver coursing down my spine as though he’d trailed a finger down my naked back. ‘I’ll come by your place around nine.’

I could barely eat at dinner.

And now it was eight fifty in the evening and Nate was due at my apartment in ten minutes. I was hoping that as soon as he walked through the door some of the nerves would at least give way to anticipation, because all I was feeling at the moment was anxious. Thankfully it was a massive step up from the fear I knew I’d be feeling if it was Benjamin I was expecting to walk through that door. With Nate there was an element of safety because I knew him so well. I knew he would never hurt me or make me feel stupid or ugly or anything negative. He was the perfect tutor to walk me through this because I trusted him completely.

I’d showered when I got home and then put on a light layer of makeup. Under my slacks and shirt I was wearing my favorite set of lingerie. It was white satin edged in lace and it looked nice against my olive skin. I was hoping it would distract him from my belly and my flabby thighs.

‘Do not use the word “flabby,” ’ I admonished myself, remembering Nate’s warning.

Not really knowing how to act or what to do, I hurried around the apartment trying to tidy the piles of books and copies of Nate’s review magazine I had lying everywhere. I wondered if perhaps we needed some mood music, and turned on the radio. Then I immediately decided that was a bad idea since it wasn’t me, and Nate would know it wasn’t me and guess how much I was freaking out over the situation. So I turned on the television instead. Five minutes later I decided it suggested indifference and I didn’t want him to think I was indifferent either.

I was so busy flapping around like an idiot that when Nate rang my buzzer I ended up tripping over a pile of books, scrambled to my feet only to slide along my wooden floors on the socks I was wearing, and crashed against the buzzer. At least I hit the entry button. I opened my apartment door and took a deep breath.

Feeling sweaty and icky and not the least bit attractive, I frowned down at my socks and wondered why the hell I was wearing them in the first place. They were not sexy. I stooped to take them off, but the right one got stuck. I pulled and pulled, cursing the little mothereffer to hell as I hopped about on one foot. I’d just managed to peel the darn thing off when I hit my left ankle on the coffee table, taking a knock to a funny bone, and I went crashing down, whacking my head on the soft cushion of my couch.

‘Jesus, are you okay?’

Pushing back my hair, I gazed up wide-eyed at Nate, who was now standing in my doorway. ‘I’m fine,’ I told him breathlessly.

He shut the door behind him, his eyes roaming my body – probably for signs of injury. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course,’ I told him brightly and then realized I had a pair of sweaty socks in my hands. Not sexy. I stuffed them quickly under the couch and got to my feet, swaying a little with the rush of the movement.

Laughter curled the corner of his mouth as he shrugged out of his leather jacket. ‘Are you sure you’re okay to do this? We don’t have to.’

I ran a shaky hand through my hair. ‘I’m good. Honest.’

Crossing his arms over his chest, Nate braced his legs apart and studied me carefully. Finally drawing some kind of conclusion, he gave me a small nod. ‘Okay. Do you know how you want to start this thing?’

‘Well …’ I moved a tiny bit closer to him, finding some calm in his presence. ‘I was thinking we could work through the bases. We’ve already done first base and kind of second base …’

Smiling at me, Nate scratched his jaw in thought. ‘That’s an American thing. You’ll need to talk me through it.’

Say it out loud? Uh …

Desperately trying not to look embarrassed – this was Nate, for God’s sake! – I took another step toward him. ‘First base is kissing. French-kissing. Second base is touching, and thir –’

I pointed to his crotch.

He was struggling not to laugh at me. I appreciated the effort. ‘Liv, we’re going to have sex. I think you need to get used to talking about it.’

Stubbornness made me thrust my chin out. ‘Fine.’ You can do this. They’re just words. ‘Second base is touching my breasts over or under clothes and … between the legs.’ Oh, my God, oh, my God. ‘Or me touching you.’

Nate’s lids lowered and he dropped his arms to his sides. He took a step toward me so we were only a few inches apart. ‘Touching me where?’

It’s just a word.

The blush stained my cheeks as I licked my lips and uttered, ‘Your dick.’

His eyes flashed fire and I noted his shallow breaths as he asked, ‘And third base?’

‘Oral,’ I answered instantly, squeezing my legs together at the thought of Nate’s head between my thighs. I’d never received or given oral sex. I was at once intrigued and nervous regarding those particular acts. According to literature and the movies, I was in for a treat.

‘And I can guess what a home run is.’ He cocked his head, biting his bottom lip as he considered the information. ‘Hmm, it’s a plan. But I think the most important thing right now for you is to lose what you’re wearing.’

I felt the tremors start in my fingers at the thought of standing stark naked in front of Nate. ‘Now?’ I squeaked.

He gave me a no-nonsense look. ‘You’re going to have to stand in front of this guy naked. How are you going to be able to do that if you can’t do it with me?’

‘Completely naked?’

After a moment of silence, Nate offered me a patient and kind look. ‘Okay, we’ll take it step by step. Strip to your underwear.’

A shiver went through me at his demand, but I found myself replying, ‘You could ask nicely, you know.’

His lips twitched. ‘Olivia, sweetheart, would you please strip down to your underwear for me?’

‘Was that so hard?’ I huffed under my breath as I started quickly unbuttoning my shirt.

‘Is this a race?’

I stilled my finger on the third to last button. ‘Huh?’

Nate chuckled. ‘You’re undressing for me. Hurrying through it makes it feel like an inconvenience rather than titillation.’

My arms dropped to my sides and I nudged a shoulder toward the back of the apartment. ‘Maybe we should go to my bedroom.’

‘If you’d be more comfortable.’

Exhaling, I fought through the belly flips and moved toward my room. I stood at the end of the bed and waited until Nate crossed the threshold and then, in what I considered a brave moment for me, I looked directly into his eyes and slowly began to unbutton my shirt. Nate grew still as I peeled it off my shoulders and let it drop to the floor, leaving me standing in my bra and slacks. I didn’t mind that part so much. It was the next part that I’d dreaded, but I kept Nate’s voice in my head, filling it with his compliments. Hopefully he would still think all those nice things once the pants were off.

I fumbled a little on the top button of my slacks, but Nate didn’t comment on it. The sound of my zipper was incredibly loud in the quiet room, and I felt the tension between us mount. With a deep breath I placed my hands on either side of my hips and pushed the slacks down, dropping my eyes with sudden uncertainty as I carefully stepped out of them.

I didn’t know what to do with my arms.

‘Babe.’ Through my lowered lids I watched Nate take a step toward me. ‘Liv, look at me.’

Arms hanging awkwardly at my sides, I slowly lifted my chin.

His expression winded me.

Heat and sincerity shone through it as he told me in a low, rumbling voice, ‘You’re gorgeous.’

My hand automatically self-consciously covered my belly, and I fidgeted as I thought about my thighs being on display. Nate took three determined steps toward me until I had to tilt my head a little to meet his eyes. He took hold of the hand that covered my belly and gently moved it back to my side.

‘Don’t hide from me.’ He bent his head to whisper over my lips. ‘Ever.’

I glanced down at his shirt with a nervous smile. ‘Maybe you could lose something so I don’t feel like I’m out to sea on my own here.’

He grinned at me and stepped back to casually lift his T-shirt over his head.

I sucked in a breath.

This was the first time I’d ever seen Nate shirtless and I was kicking myself for not going to those judo classes with him like he’d asked. He wasn’t the tallest guy, nor the bulkiest; in fact he was pretty compact, but every inch of his torso was roped with muscle. Between judo classes and weekly visits to the gym, Nate took care of his body, and I was enjoying every second of that upkeep.

Until my eyes drifted over the stylized ‘A’ just under his left pectoral.

Alana.

A ghost in the room.

I ducked my head, pretending I hadn’t been affected by the sight of the tattoo, and then glanced up at him from under my lashes with a faux-saucy smile. ‘I’ve seen worse.’

Nate laughed and threw his shirt aside. ‘You know how to make a man feel good.’

‘Oh, come on, you know you’re hot.’

‘It’s nice to hear that you think so, though.’

Hiding my surprise at his admission, I laughed lightly and replied, ‘I’ll be sure to mention it often, then.’

His mouth dipped toward mine again. ‘Appreciated.’

As goose bumps prickled across the swells of my breasts, I gestured around the room. ‘What now?’

‘Do you want to start with me or with you?’

I frowned in confusion. ‘Why would we start with me? I know what I want. This is about learning what you want, learning to be good at doing it to you.’

Nate immediately shook his head, a frown marring his brow. ‘How can you know what you want when you’ve only had sex once, Liv? You not only want to be confident you can get him off, you want to be confident in your own pleasure.’ His fingers moved to the buttons on his jeans and he began to undress. Blood whooshed in my ears as I watched. ‘Know what it takes to get you off and then let him know. If he doesn’t want to know how to get you off, then get him off you.’

At that my eyes drifted back up to his face and I snorted, relaxing a little. ‘I’ll keep that in mind.’

‘Make sure that you do. Sex is a two-way street.’

‘Okay.’

‘So … me or you?’

‘Uh …’

‘We’ll start with you.’ He kicked his jeans off. I admired his athletic body. He was by far the best-looking guy I’d ever seen in real life and I was about to have sex with him.

‘This is a little surreal,’ I murmured without thinking.

‘It’s about to get very real,’ came his deep, seductive reply.

‘Oh, boy.’

He laughed again and stepped back into my space, the back of his knuckles brushing down the curve of my waist and sending a lovely shiver rippling down my spine. ‘I’m going to take off your underwear,’ he whispered, his warm breath dancing across my mouth. ‘Are you ready for that?’

I’d already stood in front of him in my skimpy lingerie and somehow gotten through it without feeling like a heifer. In fact, surprisingly, Nate had made me feel kind of … hot. I nodded, a little tongue-tied, my eyes lifting to his as his fingers skimmed around my back to the clasp of my bra.

‘You really do have the most stunning eyes,’ he breathed as he expertly unclipped my bra, his own beautiful dark brown eyes penetrating mine.

I almost purred, my chest rising and falling quickly now as I felt his fingers caress my shoulder blades before drifting over the straps of my bra.

As he smoothed the straps down my arms he traced little circles in my skin. ‘Like silk,’ he whispered.

My bra fell from my body and Nate’s gaze dropped to my naked breasts. They swelled under his attention, my nipples puckering in the cold air. ‘Babe,’ he said appreciatively, and I shuddered at the feel of his warm hand cupping my right breast, his thumb sliding across the nipple. ‘Fuck me, you’re gorgeous.’

A light switched on inside me, its luminance shining from the very depths of me, and I knew Nate caught that light because when our eyes met again he grew very still.

‘Thank you,’ I managed to force out. For making me feel beautiful.

I didn’t have to say the words out loud. Nate got it.

In answer he crushed his mouth over mine in a hard, deep kiss, and cupped both breasts, thumbs gliding over the pebbled nipples. I gasped into his mouth as heat dove through my belly heading for my sex. Wanting to touch him but still unsure, I trailed my hands tentatively over his chest, learning the feel of him under my fingertips. He was warm, his skin smooth, and I felt his strength in the coiled, hard muscles of his body. I throbbed at the feel of him under my hands.

He broke the kiss and my swollen lips pouted in disappointment.

His grin was wicked as he edged his body into mine and kept going until I had to move with him. The back of my legs hit my footboard. ‘Get on the bed,’ he commanded hoarsely. ‘Lie back.’

I did as he asked, leaning up on my elbows, waiting excitedly for his next move. My eyes lowered to his black boxer briefs and my breath stuttered at the sight of his raging erection.

I did that.

A triumphant smile curled my lips, and my belly flipped at his low, pleased chuckle. It flipped even harder as his hands coasted up my outer thighs and his thumbs hooked into the lace edging of my panties.

I froze, my eyes darting to his.

‘Liv …’ His tone was reassuring.

Nodding, I lifted my hips to help him and couldn’t stop the blood heating my cheeks as he slowly peeled my panties down my legs and let them drop to the floor.

He took his time eating me up with his eyes. ‘I like the underwear, but I’ve got to say, I don’t think you’ve ever looked better than you do right now.’

Oh, wow. That’s so nice. Telling him I thought so might have spoiled the mood, though, so instead, still blushing, I croaked out, ‘What now?’

‘Lie back and trust me. I want you to tell me if you don’t like something I’m doing and let me know when you really like something I’m doing.’

The breath whooshed right out of me as I lay back, watching him as he got on the bed and settled his knees on either side of my waist. The heat from his body hit mine and he wasn’t even touching me. His cologne taunted me, its heady scent affecting not only my sense of smell but my taste buds as well. I wanted to find its origin on his body and I wanted to lick and suck and kiss his skin until he was groaning underneath me.

It seemed Nate had a similar idea in mind.

Hands braced on the mattress on either side of my head, he bent to graze his lips over mine. Back and forth, back and forth. Teasing. Tingling. Frustrating. Just as I was about to complain impatiently, he kissed me harder. I moved my lips beneath his, our tongues stroking each other in a deep mating that brought me new understanding of the sexual promise of a kiss. The kisses I’d had before had been mechanical – a bit like Will’s at Club 39 – and I’d felt nothing, not realizing that a kiss with someone you were attracted to, a sensual kiss, was a prelude to what was to come.

I gripped Nate’s waist as the kiss grew rough and breathless; I sighed into his mouth with pleasure as his erection stroked my belly. He groaned, his lips drifting from my mouth, across my chin, down my jaw. He kissed his way down my body, his mouth hot, hungry, and I held on, caressing his muscled back, sliding my hands up toward his shoulder blades as he moved downward.

When that hot mouth of his closed around my left nipple, my hips slammed against him in reaction. ‘Oh, God.’ My thighs gripped him as I urged him closer, my back arching for more as he first licked me and then sucked hard, all the while pinching my other nipple between his forefinger and thumb.

I felt a wet rush between my legs.

‘Nate.’ My fingers dug into his shoulders. ‘Oh, God …’

He lifted his head, his eyes black as he undulated against me, his dick pressing between my legs now, only the fabric of his boxer briefs shielding me from its throbbing heat. ‘You like that, Liv?’ he asked, his voice thick. ‘Like me sucking hard on your nipples?’

I flushed at his crude question but found myself nodding quickly. ‘Yes, I like it.’

He groaned and dipped his head again, licking my other nipple now. I’d had no idea my breasts were that sensitive. As he continued to suck and tease and torment me, I felt the coil of tension tighten in my lower belly.

‘Nate –’ I was panting hard, clutching his head in my hands as he circled his tongue around my areola. ‘I can’t … I don’t …’

Suddenly he was moving, sliding down my body, his hands cupping and shaping my breasts as he descended, his lips trailing wet kisses down my stomach. I shivered at the touch of his tongue across my navel and then tensed when I realized his destination was the apex of my thighs.

Nate caressed my stomach reassuringly, and looked into my eyes. ‘Open up, sweetheart.’

Biting my lip, I gazed down at him half in wonder and half in anxiety as I let my thighs fall open. Nate settled between my legs. His hand glided along the inside of my thigh and he asked, ‘You’ve never done this?’

I shook my head, too excited to speak.

A spark of mischief entered his expression. ‘I’m looking forward to this reaction.’

He kissed me there.

I shivered. It was nice.

And then I felt his fingers slide inside me and a mew of delicious surprise escaped my lips, bringing Nate’s eyes up to my face. They were intense, the mischief gone and replaced by sexual intent. His fingers slipped out of me and then back in. My hips pushed against them, trying to catch his rhythm.

‘You’re drenched, Liv,’ he groaned. ‘You’re so wet and ready for me.’

‘Yes,’ I choked out, tilting my hips up. ‘God, yes.’

With a growl of satisfaction, Nate dipped his head again. His fingers slipped out of me, but before I could mourn the loss, he parted my labia and I nearly came off the bed at the feel of his tongue on me.

He circled my clit, teasing it, pressing it … and then he sucked it.

I cried out, feeling my orgasm building quicker than I’d ever experienced before as he continued to lap at me, pushing me back up toward climax.

When he pressed his fingers inside me, I burst apart, crying out his name like a prayer as my eyes fluttered shut. I writhed against his talented mouth, my fingers curled into the bedding beneath me. The orgasm rolled through me in waves and I pulsed and pulsed against his mouth, until finally I was a limp rag doll.

I felt him move up my body and when I eventually pried my eyes open he had his hands braced on either side of my head again, his lower body pressed to mine. He was wearing this pleased, cocky smile on his face. He brushed his fingers across my cheekbone affectionately, his eyes searching. ‘I take it that was good.’

That was an understatement.

The first and only time I’d had sex, I didn’t come. However, I had been supplying my own orgasms since I was eighteen and I won a vibrator in a student raffle. Those orgasms had been good. A few had even been great.

None of them had been sensational.

Until now.

Lazily, I lifted my hands and clasped them around Nate’s neck, my thumbs brushing along his jaw tenderly. ‘I’m going to let you keep that smug look on your face. You earned it.’

Nate chuckled and kissed me, letting me feel his laughter tremble against my lips in a way that was incredibly hot. I smiled beneath it, but as it grew heated, as I tasted myself on his tongue, the smiles and laughter disappeared and I curled my fingers tighter into his hair.

I broke the kiss before he did and said breathlessly, ‘Your turn.’

There was a flash of something in his eyes, something I didn’t completely understand, but what I did know was that he was hungry. He shifted, moving off me to lie on his back, his arms crossed casually behind his head. ‘I’m all yours.’

The butterflies returned to my belly, not as many as before, but they were there, cheering me on as I prepared to go down on a guy for the first time.

‘I’ve never …’

Nate’s countenance gentled and he reached out to smooth my hair behind my ear as he replied, ‘I know, Liv. And you don’t have to. Ever. You only do what you’re comfortable with.’

My gaze flickered to his lap and his hard cock. ‘I want to at least try.’

‘Then I’ll talk you through it,’ he answered. Quicker than a few blinks, he had shoved his boxers down his legs and kicked them off.

I stared openmouthed at him.

When I lost my virginity I didn’t really get time to study my chosen asshat of a partner’s penis. He’d just pulled down his zipper and pushed inside of me.

Nate’s strained toward his belly. It was long and thick and it was throbbing. I was guessing it was impressive. The thought of it inside of me set off a new wave of arousal, but as I imagined wrapping my mouth around it, I began to feel apprehensive.

‘How …’ I looked back at him wide-eyed. ‘I …’

‘Liv?’ His brows creased. ‘Just say it.’

It rushed out in a burst of geek. ‘Its size is a little problematic because despite my tendency to ramble, my mouth is pretty small and it won’t all fit in it and I have a gag reflex that might be a problem so I don’t know how –’

‘Liv –’ Nate was choking on laughter. ‘Take a deep breath.’ He closed his eyes and shook his head, keeping his inner thoughts to himself. I worried for a moment that my inexperience was suddenly a turn-off. But when his lids lifted he smiled, so I took that and his still raging hard-on as good signs. ‘Take me into your mouth and while you suck me off, pump the root with your fist. The key is to fist it hard but not too hard. Suck hard. Teeth sheathed.’

I nodded, hoping I could do this.

‘Liv, we seriously don’t have to do th – ahh,’ he hissed as I cut him off by wrapping my mouth around him.

At first I was frozen by the foreignness of having him in my mouth, tasting him, feeling him as if he were all around me, as if there was nothing else in the world but him. It felt odd. It felt alien. And I was afraid I just wasn’t cut out for this part of sexual intimacy.

Until I looked up at his face from under my lashes.

This was Nate.

I gathered my courage.

I began to do everything that he asked, and as I did I watched him – watched the color rise in his cheeks; watched the way his chest rose and fell in rapid breaths; watched his fists curl in the sheets around him; watched his mouth open on pants; watched the sheen of sweat build across his skin; watched his abs ripple. And I got off on it. I didn’t expect to like going down on a guy, but I loved the sensual power that rushed through me at knowing I could make Nate feel so turned on that he huffed out my name in pleasured tones.

‘I’m coming,’ he panted, sliding his hand into my hair, and I jerked back just in time to watch him shudder through a climax.

As his body relaxed, he dragged his hands over his face and into his hair, his eyes closed to me and thus his reaction closed to me.

I waited, unsure.

Slowly Nate opened his eyes and stared up at me.

Well?

‘Did you enjoy that?’ he asked roughly.

‘Yes,’ I whispered back.

‘Good, because I’d certainly like a repeat performance sometime.’ He blew air out between his lips and shook his head, grinning, before his bright eyes came back to me. ‘Fuck, girl.’

Laughing softly in relief, I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. ‘I take it I got a high score on my first lesson in seduction.’

‘Like I said before … you’re an overachiever.’

The bed moved and I turned my head to watch Nate sit up and slide his legs off it.

‘Where are you going?’

He gazed back at me over his shoulder. ‘I think we’ve done enough for tonight. I don’t want to overwhelm you.’

I frowned, unhappy with this turn of events. ‘Isn’t that up to me?’

Nate was reaching for his underwear, but I could see his shoulders shaking with amusement. Instead of answering, he strode out of the room, his muscled ass so biteworthy it took everything in me not to chase after it.

I heard the water running in my bathroom and a few minutes later Nate came back, cleaned up and wearing his boxers. He reached for his jeans and began pulling them on. Once fully dressed, he gazed at me, drinking me in, in all my flushed nakedness.

Strangely, I didn’t feel like squirming.

I waited, wondering what he was thinking. Dying to know, in fact. Before, I would have asked him, but somehow the intimacy we’d shared had changed that. Now if I asked him what was on his mind, I might come across as some clingy, wannabe girlfriend. In that moment, I resented my decision to ask for his help.

As if he sensed my dark thoughts, he crossed the room and bent down to press a sweet kiss to my mouth. I felt his fingers in my hair as he pulled back and murmured his carnal promise: ‘Tomorrow, we fuck.’