Before Jamaica Lane

12

Monday might as well have been devoured by fog. I was walking, talking, doing my job, and yet it was covered in this euphoric mist that didn’t allow any of it to really sink in. Instead I was consumed by thoughts of the night before, of what Nate had done to me and what I had done to him.

I was consumed with anticipation for the evening to come.

When Nate called around my apartment that night I didn’t bother with clothes. I put on another set of nice lingerie – emerald green this time – and wore a robe over it.

I opened the door after buzzing him up, and his eyes sharpened as they drifted over my ensemble. He shut the door behind him and immediately shrugged out of his jacket.

‘I like undressing you,’ he said without even a hello, dumping his jacket over my kitchen stool. ‘Your Benjamin boy might not care, but since it’s me you’re about to fuck for the foreseeable future … I like to undress you.’

Not knowing quite what to make of that except that I liked it, I replied, ‘Okay, I won’t undress next time.’

Nate bit his lower lip, studying me. ‘Tonight’s lesson is all about discovering what turns you on. Do you like being in the driving seat, do you like him in the driving seat, do you like absolute control, absolute submission, or give-and-take?’

I hoped I understood what he meant and he wasn’t about to reveal to me that he had a thing for St. Andrew’s crosses and floggers. Better we found out now so I could run a million miles in the opposite direction. ‘Uh … what do you prefer?’

‘Both.’ He shrugged. ‘Depends where the mood takes us.’ He began to prowl toward me, and with my mind still on kink I backed up until I hit the wall. Nate pressed in on me, his hands reaching for the ties on my robe.

‘When you say control … we’re not talking whips and chains, are we?’

He burst out laughing, shaking his head. ‘No, babe. Just good old-fashioned fucking.’ The belt came loose and my robe fell open, revealing my lingerie. ‘Did I tell you you have shit-hot taste in underwear?’

‘It is nice to finally have it appreciated.’

Pushing the robe off my shoulders, Nate’s fingers lingered across the tops of them as the fabric pooled at my feet. Watching his hands the whole time, he caressed the skin along my collarbone while I stood shivering with eagerness.

His fingers trailed down my breastbone and over the swells of my breasts. Goose bumps prickled in the wake of his touch and my nipples tightened in expectation. Instead of giving in to their clear cry for attention, Nate let his fingertips drift back up over my chest and gently along my neck, touching a spot just under my ear that made me shudder with need.

The reaction made him smile and he immediately bent his head to graze his lips across the spot. I felt the wet touch of his tongue and the shiver rippled through me again.

‘Sweet spot,’ he whispered in my ear, brushing his lips over it and scattering barely-there kisses along my jaw. When he stopped, hovering above my mouth, he looked deep into my eyes. ‘Tell me what you want tonight.’

I blinked, wondering exactly what he meant.

‘Don’t think about it,’ he urged. ‘Just tell me what you want.’

My eyes dropped to his mouth, so close and yet not quite close enough. Hoarse with arousal, I said the first thing that came into my head: ‘You inside me.’

My words affected him. I knew because he braced his hands on the wall at either side of my head and pressed his erection against my stomach. ‘You want my cock, baby?’ he murmured, letting his top lip catch my bottom lip before moving infinitesimally away as I nodded. His lashes lowered over his eyes. ‘I want to hear you say it.’

All evidence was pointing to the fact that Nate liked dirty talk. He’d mentioned it in our earlier lessons, but I hadn’t really processed it. Clearly, however, talking about what we wanted to do to each other got him off.

I was learning. And not just about him, but about me.

Because talking about what we wanted to do to each other turned me on too.

I tilted my mouth closer to his, kissing him lightly as I answered thickly, ‘I want your cock inside me.’

‘This is the point’ – he kissed me softly, his tongue just touching the tip of mine – ‘where I’d ask’ – he kissed me again – ‘if you want it slow or fast, gentle or hard’ – another kiss – ‘but tonight we’ll take it slow.’

‘It has been a while,’ I agreed, sighing happily as he began to dust kisses down my neck again.

His lips moved over my breasts, down my stomach, and his hands followed, squeezing my breasts gently before skimming down to my waist. He rested on his knees and I gazed down at him, breathless with anticipation as he sweetly kissed my belly before kissing his way to the edge of my panties. His lips pressed against the silk fabric and I whimpered, flattening my palms to the wall as my body took over, my legs parting. Nate continued to kiss me over the fabric of my lingerie, his hands curled around my thighs. It was a torment, a tease, my body vibrating with need.

My breath stuttered as I felt his tongue push the fabric against my clit. ‘Nate,’ I whimpered, my right hand moving to curl in his soft hair. ‘Please …’

He relented, leaning back to remove the panties. I tried to help, but my legs were shaking. After he peeled them off, Nate slid his hands around both my calves and glided his fingers upward. ‘You’ve got fantastic legs,’ he told me quietly. ‘I remember one night while we were watching a movie and you were wearing leggings. It was the first time I’d seen you in anything that showed the shape of them.’ He kissed the inside of my knee and looked back up at me with a fierceness that made me throb. ‘You stretched them out, feet up on the coffee table, and I couldn’t stop staring. I couldn’t believe you’d been hiding those long, gorgeous legs. I dreamt of your legs that night, Liv. I dreamt they were wrapped around my back while I fucked your brains out.’

Need flipped in my belly at his admission. ‘God … Nate …’

‘That’s right, babe,’ he murmured as he lifted my right leg over his shoulder and parted me. ‘I’m taking you straight to heaven.’

‘Heaven. Hell,’ I panted, my fingers raking the wall. ‘Who cares as long as I ride there on an orgasm.’

It was a strange but not unpleasant sensation to feel the huff of his laughter on my sex.

I smiled.

And then I cried out in relief when his tongue slid inside me at the same time his thumb pressed against my clit.

He worked me expertly. I came quick and hard.

Barely conscious I slumped against the wall as Nate got to his feet.

‘Damn,’ I finally whispered as he undressed. ‘Your mouth should be illegal.’

His answer was a deep, soulful kiss that had me swaying against him. When he pulled back, my bra went with him and he threw it over his shoulder. ‘Any other day I’d probably just screw you against the wall, but I think we’ll ease you into this with the bed.’

‘I’m fine with the wall.’ I patted it lazily, still high on my orgasm.

Nate shook his head, his lips twitching. ‘This might be a bit uncomfortable for you, Liv. We’ll take it slow.’ Gently he gripped my hand in his and I found myself smiling giddily as we walked naked through my apartment. Nate glanced over his shoulder at me and caught the look. ‘What?’

‘We’re naked.’ I grinned.

He gave a short bark of laughter and turned, tugging me against him so our bodies collided. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I gripped his shoulders tightly to stop myself from falling over with the sudden movement. Nate rendered that a fruitless action by spinning us quickly and pushing me down on the bed, falling with me but bracing his body over mine so he didn’t crush me.

‘Shit,’ he murmured, getting back to his knees.

‘What? Where are you going?’

‘The condoms are in my wallet. I still haven’t been checked yet.’ He got off the bed before I could say anything and cool air wafted over my skin as he left the room.

I lay there, staring at my ceiling, feeling his mouth under my ear again and his soft murmur, ‘Sweet spot.’

We’d started this because of my inexperience, but even to me, the inexperienced, this felt like a seduction, not an education in seduction. I bit my lip and stared at the doorway waiting for him to come back. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this was what it was: all part of building my sexual confidence and experience.

I dreamt of your legs that night. I dreamt they were wrapped around my back while I fucked your brains out.

Or maybe it was an excuse to give in to the attraction that had always been there? Attraction we denied because of our friendship.

Nate appeared back in the doorway, his eyes devouring every inch of me as he prowled toward me.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

As he crawled up my body, ripped the condom wrapper with his teeth and rolled one onto his impressive hard-on, I forcefully shoved the maybes to the bottom of my pit of denial. Right then I didn’t care why we were doing this. I just cared that we were doing it.

His hand coasted up my torso and I arched my back into his touch, a blaze of heat lighting me up from the inside out as he rubbed his thumb over my nipple while his other hand slid between my legs. While he coaxed my clit to attention with his thumb, his erection strained, and I couldn’t stop looking at it.

‘Now.’ I tilted my hips against his touch. ‘Nate, come inside me. Please.’

He groaned at my invitation, gently pushing my legs farther apart before bracing himself over me. His kiss was long and deep.

I felt him brush against me and to my surprise I tensed.

The last time a guy shoved inside of me it had hurt.

‘Ssh,’ he whispered across my lips, his hand slipping between our bodies again, his thumb finding my clit. ‘Babe, it’ll be okay. Just keep looking at me.’

I relaxed, my eyes locked with his. And then he was pushing inside of me, hands on the mattress at the side of my head to hold himself up. His eyes darkened as he pressed through the tight resistance of my body, my muscles squeezing around him. I stifled a whimper. It was uncomfortable. Not painful like last time, but I wasn’t sure if it was pleasant either.

Nate shut his eyes for a second, panting. His arms shook a little.

‘Nate?’ I rested my hands on his waist.

‘I just …’ His lids fluttered open and my inner muscles squeezed him again in response to the sexual heat I saw in his eyes. ‘You feel … amazing,’ he breathed, eyes gleaming. ‘So tight. I’m trying to go gentle, but you feel fucking amazing.’

Pleased, I caressed his back soothingly and realized that the discomfort was beginning to dissipate. I was suddenly eager to learn more. My hips automatically lifted, seeking movement, and Nate growled, pulling back out of me. Instead of pulling all the way out like I thought he was going to, he thrust back in. I cried out as I felt the stirring of a beautiful tension.

My eyes were locked on his face, mesmerized by his expression, by the mixture of lust and gentleness in his eyes, by the tautness of his jaw that told me he was clinging to his control.

And he did that for me.

He was slow and tender, his hands gripping my thighs lightly as he slid in and out of me, every stroke a gradual climb toward climax.

His eyes drank me in, watching me pant beneath him, watching my breasts quiver gently against his thrusts, and suddenly he was pushing that little bit harder, moving that little bit faster. ‘Liv, come for me, babe,’ he commanded, his voice guttural. ‘You’ve got to come for me.’

‘I am,’ I promised, lifting my hips against the pumping of his, the coil tightening, tightening, tightening –

Nate’s thumb pressed down on my clit.

I shattered. Loudly. My eyes fluttered behind their lids as my lower body shuddered uncontrollably, jerking hard against Nate as he gripped my hips tightly to his and followed me into climax.

When I finally stopped coming, my muscles relaxed to jelly. I think I melted into my mattress, just barely able to lift my arm and curl a hand around Nate’s nape as he collapsed over me, his head buried in the crook of my neck.

I delighted in the feel of his chest rising and falling quickly against mine, of his warm breath puffing against my skin. We were both slick with sweat and I didn’t care. It felt wonderful.

‘So that’s what real sex is like,’ I breathed, in awe of it and in awe of the pleasure he’d elicited from my barely tried body.

Nate’s lips pressed against my damp neck before he raised his head and pushed himself up. Our eyes met and I stilled. There was something stirring to life in his gaze, something important, possibly profound. Other than when he spoke of Alana, I’d never seen him look so serious. So grave. He stared at me a long moment until … his head jerked back as if I’d said something.

‘Nate?’

His Adam’s apple moved with a hard swallow before he kissed me quickly and rolled off of me.

I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say.

Instead I lay there as he walked out of the room. I listened as I heard the water running in the bathroom and then the toilet flushing. There was rustling in the living room and I heard a thump, like a boot against my wooden floor.

That got me up.

I tugged on my sheet, hauled it off the bed and wrapped it around me.

Wandering out of the bedroom, I found him shrugging his jacket on.

‘Nate?’

He smiled at me, but there was something false in it and my heart immediately began beating faster.

‘Nate?’

‘I’ll, eh … have to text you when I’m free again.’

Something strange, solid and cold, settled in my stomach, but I attempted not to let it show as I shuffled in my sheet over to the glass bowl I kept my keys in. I lifted my spare and held it out to him. ‘To make things easier. For our lessons,’ I emphasized.

He gazed at it a moment and then eventually, just as my hand was beginning to tremble, he strode over to take it. He kissed me quickly on the cheek as though he might get burned if he lingered.

‘ ’Night, babe.’

Watching him hurry out of my apartment, I couldn’t force a reply past the lump of apprehension in my throat.

I’d been worried all day. Worried something had happened in my room last night that had made Nate rethink this whole lesson thing. Or worse, our whole friendship thing. When he didn’t text in the morning, I gnawed my lip. When he didn’t text in the afternoon, I snapped at a boorish student who somehow blamed me for his fifty-pound fine, and when Nate didn’t text as I was walking home from work I began to despair that I’d seriously effed up our friendship.

The joy I should have felt after our first lesson, the relief of realizing that I’d feared sex only to discover how easy and natural it felt, was overwhelmed by the regret that waited in the wings just ready to be prompted to center stage by Nate’s prolonged absence.

I ignored a text from Ellie and didn’t answer a call from Jo as I picked at dinner, changed into an overlarge T-shirt that I wore to bed when the weather got a little warmer, and sat down in front of the television to not take in a word of the movie that was playing.

It was a total surprise then when a key turned in my lock and the door opened to reveal Nate carrying a DVD, notebook, and pen.

I didn’t know what to make of it.

He smiled at me, a real smile this time, as if nothing had happened last night, and he strode forward, dumping his stuff on the coffee table.

I had my feet on the couch, my arms clasped around my bent knees.

Nate’s gaze flickered over my bare legs as he took off his jacket. Our eyes met. And held.

He cleared his throat. ‘Lesson first and then I have a movie to review.’

Part of me really wanted to question him and his weird, erratic behavior. But a bigger part of me was afraid of the answers. Or the consequences. ‘Tonight’s lesson?’

He kicked off his shoes. ‘Tonight’s about confidence. Taking control.’

And just like that I realized I was mad at him for the way he’d walked out last night. Really effing mad.

It took over me, turning me into someone else.

Dropping my feet to the floor, I reached out and grabbed his belt, hauling him closer to me. ‘Sit down,’ I demanded, my voice cold even to my ears.

A spark of uncertainty appeared in his eyes at my tone. But he complied, lowering himself onto the couch beside me.

I lost no time in making my move.

Straddling him, I gripped his hair in my hands and kissed him hard. His arms banded around me and just as easy as that, Nate took back control of the kiss.

Fine, no kissing.

Pulling away, I gently pressed him back with a hand to his chest.

‘Well?’ he asked, his voice low, eyes questioning. ‘What now?’

In answer I began unbuckling his belt, quickly unbuttoning his jeans so I could slip my hand inside. Nate hissed as I fisted him.

‘Feel good?’ I purred across his mouth, a part of me floating on the outside of this little scene and wondering who the hell I thought I was.

‘What do you think?’ Nate narrowed his eyes, stroking his hands up my thighs and taking the hem of my nightshirt with them.

I released him so I could remove his hands from me. Shaking my head, I tutted at him. ‘No touching.’

Displeasure darkened his eyes. He didn’t like that.

Good.

I tugged at his jeans and he lifted his hips, helping me free his erection. I didn’t bother pulling them all the way down. Instead I pushed down my panties, moving off him so I could kick them off before straddling him again.

‘Take off the nightdress,’ Nate insisted. When I didn’t move, he rubbed a hand over my thigh, his expression gentling. ‘Liv, I want to see you.’

I stilled, tilting my head to the side as I studied him carefully. ‘You do?’

There was so much more in my question than I wished there was.

And just like that Nate understood completely. ‘I want you. I want you to ride my cock and I want you to ride it hard. And then afterwards I want to sit with my friend, eat some food, and watch a movie with her. I’m not going anywhere.’ His grip tightened. ‘Now take off your nightdress.’

His assurance made the anger slowly ebb away and as it did I returned to my senses. I flushed at my actions, at my demands, at my cold confidence. Nate relaxed too, with a smug aspect in his eyes when he caught sight of my blush.

In an ironic effort to hide my renewed self-consciousness I lifted the nightdress up over my head and threw it behind me. I didn’t even get a chance to say or do anything before I felt Nate’s hand on my upper back between my shoulder blades along with the power in his body as he held me to him, his lips sucking on my nipple.

I arched into him, sighing as pleasure instantly coursed through me.

He played me for a while, thinking to make me pliant, but I still had his lessons in mind. He wanted me to learn sexual confidence, and although I had no intention of letting my anger fuel it again, I had every intention of retesting its waters.

As Nate had already pointed out, I was an overachiever.

I moved over him, pressing him back into the couch. ‘Put it inside me.’

His lips curled at the corners. ‘You put me inside you.’

So I did.

I whimpered against his mouth as he sucked in a deep breath.

And then I moved.

I tried to go slow, to take it easy, to build it, but I was too impatient, too desperate for it.

Too greedy.

Too inexperienced.

Yet Nate let me control it.

And by his doing so, we both came hard but much too fast.

I leaned against him, curling my arms around his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close. ‘I guess I’m still learning,’ I admitted breathlessly.

Hearing my uncertainty, Nate gently lifted me away, his expression sincere as he confessed, ‘No woman has ever ridden me that hard. Believe me, babe, I’m not complaining.’

Smirking through my embarrassment, I asked, ‘Really?’

Nate grinned as he swept a strand of my hair behind my ear. ‘Really.’

It wasn’t until I lifted myself off him that the mood changed dramatically. A single expletive fell from Nate’s lips.

‘What?’ I asked, wide-eyed, glancing down at his lap to make sure I hadn’t hurt him.

‘No condom,’ he bit out.

‘It’s okay, I’m on the pill.’

He frowned at me as he pulled his underwear and jeans back up. ‘Liv, I only went to the clinic yesterday. I still haven’t gotten the results back.’

At that I pulled my panties up and hurried around the couch to go clean up in the bathroom. ‘I’m sure you’re fine,’ I threw over my shoulder, my heart pounding. I hoped he was fine. Shit. I shut the bathroom door and leaned on the sink, staring into the mirror in front of me. My cheeks were flushed and my eyes were golden bright. I looked thoroughly fucked. I was. And I’d been in such a rush to get a taste of what was clearly becoming an addiction that I’d forgotten about protection.

Now, if I had kids, I’d forever be a hypocrite when I lectured them about it.

I admonished myself to hell and back, and then it occurred to me that it wasn’t just my fault. Nate had forgotten too. I glared at the door and instantly grimaced. I could argue that he was supposed to be the experienced one here, but that didn’t really wash when you were twenty-six years old and knew better.

Hearing the noise of the television, I wandered back out of the bathroom to find that Nate had the DVD playing while he was in the kitchen putting together bagels. Suddenly my stomach growled.

Nate glanced up at me. ‘I’m sorry I forgot the condom.’

‘I forgot too. But it’ll be okay. Right?’

‘I’ve never forgotten protection before tonight, so we should be fine. But we really need to be more careful.’ He licked cream cheese off his thumb and turned to the fridge for some soda.

Deciding I didn’t want another weird ending to our evening, I thought it best not to say any more, so I changed the subject. ‘What are we watching tonight?’

Nate handed me my bagel and I thanked him, then followed him to the couch. To my surprise he sat closer than usual, putting his feet up on the table and settling in at my side. ‘It’s a musical.’

I choked on a bite of the bagel and quickly swallowed so I could ask incredulously, ‘Are you kidding me?’

Smirking, he shook his head. ‘It’s a satirical musical.’

‘Does that make it any better?’

‘Let’s hope so.’

As it turned out, the musical was pretty funny at first, but it soon started to go downhill. Clearly bored, Nate took a sip of his Coke and with his eyes trained on the screen, asked, ‘Would you rather live in a musical or a post-apocalyptic world?’

I immediately smiled, so unbelievably relieved to be hanging out with my friend just like always and answering his weird questions. ‘What kind of post-apocalyptic world?’

‘Think The Book of Eli.’

‘Harsh.’

‘Aye.’

‘So what kind of musical, then?’

He rolled his head on the couch to grin at me. ‘Grease 2.’

I spluttered on the sip I’d just taken, and it took me a minute to breathe freely enough to ask, ‘You’ve seen Grease 2?’

Some of the spark went out of Nate as he shrugged and turned back to the screen. ‘Alana made me watch it.’

Oh. The ghost in the room.

Nudging him with my shoulder, I tried to pass over the moment and bring back his good humor. ‘I’m definitely going with post-apocalyptic world. Especially if there are men in it that look like Denzel.’

His left dimple popped. ‘I’m going with post-apocalyptic world too.’

‘Because of Mila Kunis, right?’

‘Well, there’s that, but mostly it’s because I’m anti-violence.’

I wrinkled my nose in confusion. ‘I don’t get it. Post-apocalyptic worlds unfortunately tend to go hand in hand with violence.’

‘Aye, but I’m much more likely to be the one that’s killed in a post-apocalyptic world. However, if I have to live in Grease 2, there’s more than a ninety-five percent possibility that I’ll shoot the next fucker that bursts into song.’ He glanced up at me, all deadpan. ‘It’s just the wrong life for a pacifist.’

Giggling, I bobbed my head in agreement. ‘We’re going dystopian, then.’

He nodded and then asked with a small pucker between his brows, ‘So why are you against living in a musical?’

I shook my head, watching the couple on-screen take a shot at a well-known musical. ‘It’s not that I’m against living in a musical per se. I just like the idea of living in a post-apocalyptic world more. I think I’d be badass.’

I wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel his shoulders shaking.

I slanted him an un-amused look. ‘Stop laughing at me. I would be so badass.’

‘Badass how?’

‘I … I … uh … Well, I’m smart. And witty. I’d be, like, your witty, quirky, book-smart sidekick while you went around kicking every body’s ass and giving them judo smackdowns.’

Laughing, Nate relented. ‘Okay, that could work.’ His eyes flicked over me with interest before returning to the screen. ‘You might be a bit of a distraction, though.’

Trying not to show how pleased I was by the compliment, I replied, ‘That could work in your favor.’

‘Aye, if we cover your legs up.’

I nudged him with my knee and he casually put his hand on my leg, curling it into him. ‘I think someone likes my legs.’

He caressed my skin, almost absentmindedly. ‘They’re great legs, babe.’ He reached for the notepad at his side. ‘This is quickly deteriorating.’

‘The movie?’

‘Aye, what else?’ he murmured, scribbling something down on the paper. ‘Any witty comments, O Sidekick?’

Musing, I stared at the screen. ‘There’s a crack about erectile dysfunction in here somewhere.’

He huffed in amusement. ‘And how’s that?’

‘Well, the plot and songs start off well, each one better than the next, until you hit midway through and realize it’s not going anywhere. This proves true toward the final half, where the plot worsens, the songs make your ears bleed, and all the anticipation just –’ I raised a hand and let it flop to make my point.

‘E-rec-tile dys-func-tion,’ Nate said slowly as he scribbled it down. He glanced back up at me with a smile. ‘Anything else?’