Deadlock

Chapter Twelve

Alec was on his third cup of coffee by the time Mahalia made her appearance.

She looked good. Her smooth dark skin bore a few more wrinkles, and her dark eyes held hints of worry, but some of those wrinkles were smile lines and there was peace in her gaze along with the sorrow.

Alec lifted his mug in greeting, then nodded to the window. «Just admiring the view.»

«You should see those mountains in the wintertime, after a heavy snow.» She sat in another of the rocking chairs with her own steaming cup, but the scent that wafted out of it was herbal tea. «No coffee for Michelle,» she explained. «I’ve switched out of sympathy.»

There was something comforting about her presence. Mahalia had been there for him during the rockiest time of his life, and the soothing timbre of her voice still gave him the hint of peace his own mother’s had never managed to. «Next you’re going to tell me you stopped smoking. For real.»

«It’s not good for babies, especially premature ones, even if they are shapeshifters.»

It looked like Mahalia finally had someone to play doting grandma to. Alec hid another smile beneath a sip of his coffee. «Not good for grown-ups, either. How many times did I tell you to quit?»

She flashed him a look and arched one dark eyebrow. «Do we want to talk about all your bad habits now?»

Bluster wouldn’t fool him, but it made him feel better. «Sure. Haven’t heard the list in a week or two.»

«And here I was, trusting Jack to take care of that in my absence.»

«Jackson’s busy making big eyes at the kitty-cat who’s got him wrapped around her dainty pinky finger.» Alec grinned at her. «Your little apprentice is all grown up and thinking about engagement rings and picket fences. Poor guy.»

«Uh-huh.» She rocked her chair gently and smiled. «You know I see through you, right? Poor guy, indeed.»

He wasn’t going to say it. He wasn’t going to give her an opening.

He wasn’t.

Damn it. «And what do you see, Mahalia?»

Her smile faded. «If you don’t poke a little fun, people might figure out how bad you want something like that again.»

The words brought the expected pain, but tempered with something he’d never felt before — guilt. «I’m not supposed to want it again.»

Mahalia’s brows drew together, an expression of confusion that quickly turned to sympathy. «Oh, Alec. You really think your wife would have wanted you to stay locked up and alone for the rest of your life?»

No one ever said her name. Sometimes it grated on his nerves. «No, Heidi would rise from the dead and dent my head with a frying pan for even thinking it.»

«But you think it anyway.»

He didn’t. Heidi had barely believed in marriage, but she’d adored love. She’d be the first to tell him to grab at any chance of it with both hands.

No, it wasn’t about Heidi anymore. Maybe it hadn’t been in a long time. Alec set his coffee cup on the wicker table. «You know what my mother told me when Heidi died?»

«I shudder to think, honey, I honestly do.»

She didn’t want to hear it, but Alec told her anyway, because he needed to say it. «She said she was so very sorry, and it was a terrible loss, but I should try to remember that someday I’d meet a nice shapeshifter girl and realize that what I had with Heidi wasn’t real.»

Mahalia cursed softly, then leaned over and grasped his hand. «I’m sorry. That is some ridiculous bullshit right there.»

«Ain’t it just?» Alec closed his eyes and squeezed her hand. «Hard to think rationally about everything going on when Carmen’s high on shapeshifter magic. Get it the fuck out of her, would you?»

«That’s the plan, as soon as we can.» Her chair creaked as she rocked. «I like Carmen. She’s tough.»

«You’d know.» He opened her eyes and cast her a sidelong look. «Your poor house down in Boca Raton must be getting awful lonely. You’ve pretty much been in New York or Wyoming for the last year, haven’t you?»

«Mostly,» she admitted. «Retirement isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.»

The temptation to tease was too much to resist. «The Alpha’s been in New York and Wyoming for most of the last year too.»

She blushed and swatted his arm. «Smartass. We could talk about Carmen some more.»

Mahalia, blushing. Half of the supernaturals in New Orleans would have gaped. Most of the supernatural world would do more than gape if they suspected the leader of the wolves might have tender feelings for a spell caster. «You would pick the one man I can’t intimidate with an angry glare.»

«Hush. There’s nothing like that going on.»

Yet. «Of course not.» He used his best bland I-believe-you voice. «How long does Michelle need to prepare Carmen for this damn thing anyway?»

Mahalia hesitated. «We didn’t want to scare her, not if it has to be done anyway, but I think you should know. It’s not going to be an easy process. That spell is a mess.»

Fear clenched so tight, so fast, he thought he might puke on her shoes. «What in hell did they do to her?»

«It’s not the spell, it’s the loose ends,» she said cryptically. «It wasn’t finished, settled. So there’s been all this — this extra magic, lashing around inside her. Latching on to whatever it can.»

It sounded more like a disease than a spell. «Can you get rid of it? I thought Michelle said she was sure.»

«She’s sure we can change its focus, turn it into something else. A protection.»

Which sounded like a nice, pretty way of glossing over whatever had Mahalia nervous. «Tell me about the loose ends.»

«You already know. You’ve felt them, haven’t you?» Her eyes darkened with sympathy again. «Magic seeks magic, even if it’s in someone else.»

So some of that desperate confusion twisting him up and dragging him back to Carmen was coming from the outside. It was relieving and horrifying, all at once. «So I’m a loose end.»

«You’re a complication, but one we can turn to our advantage. You care about her, and we’re going to need that to help her.»

«Whatever you need, Mahalia. Whatever the fuck you need. Just…make her okay.»

She smiled then and patted his leg. «We will.»

The worst, most damning part of all was wondering if he’d miss that magical pull. His life had been spiraling out of control since he’d found Carmen in that house, but the fear of stumbling from one day to the next had been blunted by the pleasure of falling into her.

Mahalia hummed softly. «Have a little faith, Alec. Don’t give it more power than it really has.»

Easy enough to say if you weren’t a shapeshifter, and he would have told her as much if Michelle hadn’t appeared in the doorway. It was the first time he’d seen her without her baby clutched protectively in her arms, but that wasn’t what raised the hair on the back of his neck. Power pulsed around her, the kind he’d almost forgotten dwelled in her slight body.

Michelle Peyton was a dangerous woman. A determined one. Having that power on his side eased some tension inside him. «Ready?»

She nodded, then looked to Mahalia. «Does he know?»

«Enough to start,» she answered. «He can do it.»

Alec tensed. «Do what?»

«The loose ends,» Mahalia whispered. «The ones tied up in you. You have to let them go.»

Let go. Great. Something he was fucking fantastic at. «What happens if I can’t?»

Her stare was steady. Implacable. «You have to.»

«Because it will hurt her if I don’t?»

«Because this won’t work if you don’t.»

Well, at least he had motivation. He nodded and rose, offering Mahalia his hand. «Let’s do this.»

Every single step down the dark hallway seemed to take an eternity. Carmen waited in the middle of the floor in the den, her knees drawn up to her chest, though she scrambled to her feet when they walked in. «Hi.»

Alec crossed the floor and ignored everyone else as he pulled Carmen into his arms. «Hey, sweetheart. How you doing?»

«All right.» She clutched his shirt. «Michelle’s very soothing.»

Not something Michelle heard often, he’d bet. He smoothed Carmen’s hair down and held her close, and now that he knew what he was looking for it was easy to feel the wild little curl of magic between them. Not so much, just enough to make the world a little fuzzier, to make everything that wasn’t her seem distant. Less important.

Michelle stepped up beside them. «It’s time.»

Carmen pulled back, and the look in her eyes told him that she’d already heard the hard truth Mahalia had laid out. «I guess we’ll know soon,» she murmured. «What’s real, and what’s…» She trailed off and looked away.

«Hey.» He turned her face back to his. «I like you, Carmen Mendoza. Mating instinct doesn’t cause that. Keep that in mind, huh?»

«I know.» She smiled, almost hesitantly. «Mahalia explained domino strategy to me, so I want a rematch.»

It made him laugh. «Did Mahalia tell you I always win? Maybe you should get Kat to explain it to you instead.»

«I’ll figure it out.» Her hand closed around his. «I’m smart.»

«Yeah, you are.» Alec looked to Mahalia. «So what do we do?»

«Don’t move.» She laid one hand on the back of his neck and the other on Carmen’s, her eyes closed and her brow furrowed in concentration. «Relax.»

Easier said than done. Magic brushed over him, an oddly insistent tugging, like someone plucking at the power just beneath his skin. Try as he might, he couldn’t keep from tensing. «Mahalia, explanations make me relax.»

«Right now, I’m trying to separate the two of you. Unweave where this magic inside her has latched on to you. That has to come first.»

His hands tightened on Carmen, and he forced himself to relax. To hold her gently. «Sorry.»

«Don’t apologize,» Mahalia said. «Concentrate on letting go.»

The plucking grew worse, until he felt like a pair of boots with someone jerking at the laces. When he glanced at Michelle she had her eyes closed, her face serene as she held out both hands, palms toward them. A moment later, she frowned. «Alec?»

He fought the urge to snarl at her. He lost. «What?»

«Focus on the way you feel before a change. The way you make everything quiet, just before you reach for the magic.»

Alec closed his eyes and tried. He concentrated on the wildness inside, the wolf who paced like an angry animal at the zoo, biding its time. The wolf didn’t want to relax, didn’t want to lose the wild, near-feral she-wolf it had marked.

Carmen whispered his name, her fingers squeezing his.

He had to let go, or he’d lose her in a far more devastating fashion. He smoothed his thumbs over her knuckles, using the soft, gentle touch as an anchor as the first knot of magic binding them together unraveled.

She made a soft noise of pain, almost a whimper, followed by a shaky sigh. Her hands turned, urged his to do the same, until they stood there, palm to palm, with the bonds between them quickly fading.

And then…nothing.

Quiet.

For the first time in nine days, his head cleared. The world snapped into focus, though he hadn’t realized how blurry it had gotten. With instinct settled he could think again, and the wolf echoed his sharp relief. Control had never been a human ideal he imposed on his baser half — he was control.

Usually.

Now he had control. He dragged in a deep breath, filled himself with Carmen’s scent — and found it no less arousing. Attraction was still there, even sharper now that he could find the boundaries of it. It was real. It was his.

She would be his too. Soon.

Mahalia dropped her hand from Alec’s neck and stepped closer to Carmen. «I wish I could say that was the worst of it, honey, but that was only the beginning.»

«I know.» She stared up at him, the vicious bite of loss darkening her eyes. «But I’ll be fine.»

«You’ll be fine,» he repeated, making the words firm. «I’ll be right here, Carmen. Through all of it.»

«Sure you will,» Mahalia cut in, «but later. You have to go now, Alec.»

Everything in him, wolf and man alike, rebelled. «Like hell.»

«It’s too risky for you to stay. Right now, the only thing keeping her magic from latching on to you again is that Michelle and I are holding it at bay. We can’t afford to expend that energy, not if we’re going to help Carmen.»

The woman knew how to cut his legs out from under him. Alec reached up to touch Carmen’s cheek. «You gonna be okay?»

«Don’t worry too much about me,» she whispered. «I’ll see you in a little while.»

«Yeah, you will,» he promised. He dropped his hand from her cheek. Stepped back.

Turning and walking out of the room was the hardest thing he’d done in years.

Nothing had prepared Carmen for how much it would hurt.

Another burst of pain splintered through her, and she bit her lip until she tasted blood. Hurt didn’t describe the tearing that grew worse as each second ticked by. It didn’t belong inside her, this magic, but it had rooted itself in her anyway, and every rhythmic word that fell from Mahalia’s lips ripped away another layer.

The soft chanting faltered, and the witch blew out a shaky breath. «I think…we might need to stop for a minute.»

Carmen opened her eyes, and marveled with slight detachment at the way her vision swam, with lights and colors playing at the periphery of the room. Then she realized it wasn’t her eyes at all, but actual magic swirling around them. She wasn’t used to such displays, and it made her shudder.

«Nothing to worry about.» Even as Mahalia spoke, the sparkles died away, fading into nothingness. «Just a little flashy magic.»

The woman’s dark skin was ashen, and Carmen wondered what the hell she looked like. «Want to tell me why you really made Alec leave the room?»

Mahalia answered with a rusty chuckle. «Never can put anything over on the empaths. Y’all feel too much.»

«Maybe.» She’d seen her share of loved ones freak out at the sight of someone in pain, and sometimes ignorance was bliss. For a man like Alec, though, waiting would be torture. «How much longer?»

«Depends.» She cast a look at Michelle. «What do you think?»

Michelle, at least, looked composed — if you ignored the tension around her eyes and the thin sheen of sweat on her forehead. «We’re getting toward the end of the most painful parts, but there’s a long way yet to go.»

Carmen gripped Mahalia’s hand. «She said this wouldn’t harm the two of you. Was she lying to make me feel better?»

«Michelle doesn’t lie, honey. It’s not in her nature.»

Michelle smiled. «I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true, but in this case…no, Carmen. It’s not dangerous for us. It does take a lot of concentration, though, which is why a few minutes of rest won’t hurt.»

«Okay.» The truth of the Seer’s words was clear, and it allowed Carmen to relax. The echoes of pain had already begun to drift away. Her body expected more agony, some sort of lingering wound to show for it, but she felt fine, and the end result was disorienting. «It’s strange, almost…»

«Easily forgotten. Not anything like physical pain,» Mahalia agreed.

«It’s all in your mind.» Michelle smoothed a few stray hairs back into her otherwise immaculate bun. «The easiest pain to recover from.»

In every way but one. Alec had left, and the ache of separation was fresh and sharp. It was useless to worry about it, to wonder what would happen between them with the magic gone. He would feel the same or he wouldn’t, and foreknowledge of neither outcome would change the decision she’d made.

She had to be herself.

«You think too much,» Mahalia observed.

«So I’ve been told.»

Michelle tilted her head and studied Carmen, an odd curiosity in her eyes. «It’s not a common tendency in the empaths I’ve known.»

Something Carmen had heard time and again. «I was like this before I even remember being psychic. My mother used to tell me it was a good combination.»

«Heart and mind. It is a good combination. A powerful one.»

«Sometimes it gets me in trouble.» Like when there were no rational answers to be had, only trust and faith. «Like when I can’t shut my brain off.»

«Ohhh.» Mahalia lowered herself to a leather chair and shook her head. «At least you and Alec won’t have the same problem in that respect.»

«Be nice, Mahalia,» Michelle murmured.

«I’m not being ugly, and Alec would be the first to tell you it’s true. He’s all about—»

«Instinct,» Carmen finished for her.

«That’s right, instinct.» Mahalia leaned forward in the chair, bracing her hands on her knees. «Gut.»

Michelle didn’t relent. «Instinct’s just another way of thinking. A faster way. Some of it we’re born with, and some of it we learn. Instinct is experience reminding us of the things we’ve already thought about.»

«You’re right, of course.»

«Alec thinks,» Carmen told them. «All the time, about everything. Every single possibility in every single circumstance.»

Mahalia smiled. «Michelle’s definition of instinct.»

«And while we’re on the topic…» Michelle’s smile faded. «My instinct tells me that the sooner we get this done, the better.»

From the way Mahalia’s expression sobered, as well, it wouldn’t be pleasant. «I’m ready.»

«Carmen?»

It won’t last long. Get it over with. «Like you said, the sooner, the better.»

Michelle stepped forward and held out both her hands. «This next bit will be the worst. Mahalia’s laid the groundwork. She’s separated enough of the magic to protect you for this. But now I have to tear it out.»

A terrifying thought, because surely this had to be the dangerous part. «It’s only in my mind, right? The pain?»

«It’s only in your mind,» Michelle confirmed. Then she hesitated. «Are you a strong projective empath?»

«No, not usually. I have to try» She broke off and bit her lip. «Should I take a few minutes, make sure my shields hold?»

«No. If you’re not very strong, I can contain it. But if you’d been like Kat… Well, it would have been different.»

«No.» She’d felt the sheer amount of power that emanated from Kat. Even with shields and iron will, it spilled over. «Nothing like that.»

«Good. In that case…» Michelle’s fingers tightened. «Just hold on.»

Oh dear God.

Everything before was nothing compared to the thick blaze of anguish that rocked Carmen. Her head pounded, and she wanted to scream but no sound would come. She felt as though she was teetering on the edge of a void, a deep, dark vortex, and with one more tiny push, she’d disappear into it.

It’s in your mind. The voice, her own and not, echoed through her. Meditate. Build your walls. If it kept her in and the world out, surely it could protect her from this torment.

In her mind, Carmen made herself as small as possible, bent low against the screaming pain, and began to build.

When twenty-nine minutes of tense prowling ticked over into a half hour, Alec gave up pacing the hallways and went in search of Luciano.

The ranch was a sprawling building, a mix of older construction and new additions. It was easy to spot the money in the quiet decorations, understated in a way that usually meant someone had taste — and social status. Old money, like his mother, who had turned her husband’s Texas ranch into the sort of place magazines fought to photograph.

Luciano’s home was different. Tasteful, sure, but lived in. Photographs of horses lined one of the hallways, some artistic black and white, some more casual. Following Luciano’s scent led him down another hallway, this one lined with more recent photos.

Kat grinned at him from one picture, an arm looped around her cousin’s neck and a Santa hat perched crookedly on her head. Derek’s smile was wide enough to split his face in two, and the next photo showed him and his wife, Nicole wrapped half around him, her brown eyes alive with joy. A third had Michelle and Nicole together in front of a Christmas tree, and even Michelle’s usual sadness seemed less piercing.

Family pictures. Little Nicole Peyton had made a family here in spite of all of the odds. She’d told the supernatural world and its endless rules about who she could and couldn’t marry to go fuck itself, and had picked the man she loved. Then she’d left.

For all his protestations, for all of his damn rationalizations, it was the one thing Alec had never done. He’d never just…walked away, not even when he’d married Heidi. He’d still played the political games. Tweaked the Conclave’s tail sometimes just because he could. Because someone had to.

Maybe it was time that someone wasn’t him.

The pictures ended at an open doorway, and through it he found Luciano sitting in a wide rocking chair beside a crackling fire, Michelle’s baby cradled in one arm.

A touching domestic scene, if you didn’t think too closely about the fact that the baby’s father had died, a senseless sacrifice to the Conclave’s rabid fear of Michelle.

Alec knocked on the doorframe. «Mind some company?»

«Nah, come in.» Luciano looked up, a measure of quiet sympathy on his face. «I got tired of pacing.»

In this case, solidarity didn’t make Alec feel much better. He dropped into an armchair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. «Worried about Michelle?»

«Unavoidable, I think, but she knows how far she can push herself.»

Michelle was young, but John Peyton would have secured his daughter the best tutors money could buy. Alec forced his thoughts away from all the things that could go wrong and focused on the baby. «How is he? No problems from him showing up early?»

Unmistakable pride and affection lit Luciano’s face. «He’s good. Better than we’d hoped, for being so early. AJ’s strong.»

The phone call when he’d heard about the birth came back to him. AJ. Aaron Junior. Alec didn’t know enough about babies to know if the infant took after his tiny mother or his hulking father. AJ looked small, but not fragile.

Strong, just like Luciano said. Just like both of the kid’s parents. «I’m glad. I heard him yelling this morning, all the way from the guesthouse. Demanding little fellow.»

«I’ve been trying to run interference. Let Michelle get a bit more rest.» The baby yawned, and Luciano stroked his cheek. «It’s hard for her to let someone else take care of him.»

«All things considered, not surprising. But she trusts you.»

«Yes.» After a moment, he looked up, contemplative. «Mahalia said Carmen’s family was responsible for the spell. Her uncle?»

«Her father, more likely.» Alec’s fingers curled toward his palm before he could stop them. «Her uncle’s playing a different game. Ready to make a move on that open Conclave seat.»

«Sometimes I think Derek should have taken it. He’s a good person, and he could have done good things.» He smiled ruefully. «Then I remind myself that he would have been miserable, him and Nick both.»

Derek had challenged a Conclave member for love and vengeance, not out of any desire for power. «He couldn’t have changed the world on his own. Rock the boat too bad, and you’ll get challenged out of your place eventually. Whole damn system’s built to keep the power where it is.»

«I used to believe that. Now I wonder if it’s only what we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night.»

Alec lifted one eyebrow. «You took yourself out of the running pretty spectacularly.»

«Yes, I did.» His eyes were shadowed in the firelight. «I married the Seer. Even if that ends, they’ll never trust me with any power now. And as much as I’d like to say I did it all for Michelle and AJ, I was selfish too. I knew exactly what I was doing.»

For the first time, Alec looked at Luciano — really looked at him — and didn’t see a kid. A man stared back at him, one who’d struck out on his own. Set his own path.

Of course, it made him feel old. He smiled anyway. «Honestly? I feel better knowing you’ve got a little selfish in you. Can’t really trust selfless people.»

«I’ll keep that in mind.» The baby fussed, and Luciano unwrapped the blanket around his upper body. «Cesar Mendoza will never land that seat on the Conclave, not unless he plays dirty. The bad part is that’s about as likely as the sun rising and setting.»

«All I care about is keeping Carmen safe from it. I can deal with the rest of it when the Southeast council gets done picking over each other’s bones.»

«The most they could hope for is to marry her off to someone, make an alliance. That’s not likely.»

He’d thought the same thing before he’d realized how far her father would go. «Let’s hope.»

Luciano tilted his head. «You think the spell was a bid for power?»

«I think I can’t think like someone who’d sacrifice everything and anything for power, so I can’t discount any possibility.»

He nodded slowly. «Makes sense. Either way, it’s a mess.»

«That it is.» Alec fell silent, watching as Luciano soothed the fussy baby. Soon enough, AJ’s protests quieted, and Alec leaned back in his chair. «You’re good with him.»

«He’s my son,» the other man said simply. «Maybe I’m not supposed to think of him that way, but I do.»

For once, Alec chose his words carefully. «I’d say the only one who should have any say in how you think of him is his mother. Screw the rest of the world.»

«Michelle says that a shapeshifter son needs a shapeshifter father.»

Because some things were instinct, but some had to be taught. Even to those who came into being shapeshifters as adults, like Derek. Like Andrew. «I think Michelle’s right. AJ’ll be better off than I ever was. Or you, for that matter.»

«I don’t think we have to be exactly like our kids,» Luciano argued. «Any more than we have to be exactly like our parents.»

Not a curse he’d wish on either of them. «Michelle’s no less that kid’s mother because she’s different from him. That doesn’t mean it won’t be easier on both of them to have someone around who knows what a shapeshifter boy goes through growing up.»

«I’ll be here.» A statement of fact more than anything else. Of intent.

Yep, Luciano was a man now. A man with a son, even if he wasn’t one he’d fathered. «Good for you. I mean it.»

A rustling from the hall drew their attention, and Mahalia walked in, moving slowly, and sank heavily into the rocking chair beside Luciano. «I’m getting too old for this.» She peered over at Alec. «Everything’s done. It worked.»

Alec was on his feet and halfway to the door before he realized his presence might not be welcome yet. «Can I see her?»

She waved him away. «Go. She’ll be glad to have you nearby.»

He found Carmen in the room where they’d cast the spell, conversing quietly with Michelle. The Seer rose as soon as he came in, a tired but pleased smile curling her lips. «She’ll be just fine.»

Carmen looked pale and exhausted, with dark shadows under her eyes. «Alec.»

Michelle moved toward the door. «I’m going to check on AJ. Call me if you need anything.»

«Thanks.» When she’d gone, Carmen patted the sofa. «Michelle and Mahalia said everything went well.»

He sat and lifted both hands to her cheeks, cradling her face. «You look beat, sweetheart. You okay?»

«Yeah.» She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. «It wasn’t so bad.»

A lie, and it hurt him. «But it’s over now, right?»

She stroked his hands, almost as if in apology, as she nodded. «Done. The magic’s protecting me now. Even if I’m bitten, nothing will take.»

He’d dreaded the possibility of disappointment, but none came, only relief that she was safe. He smoothed his thumb over the soft skin of her cheek and smiled. «Good. That’s good.»

After a moment, she exhaled a single short breath. «It is, isn’t it?»

«If that’s what you want.»

«It is.» She dropped her head to his shoulder with a weak laugh. «That, and maybe a nap.»

This time, the tenderness the words evoked wasn’t instinct. Just her, and the growing awareness that he couldn’t blame magic for the quiet tug of affection.

Later, he could be scared. Now, he needed to take care of her. So he gathered her against his chest and rocked to his feet. «A nap it is. We’ve got time before dinner.»

Her arms slid around his neck, and she brushed her lips over his jaw. «Thank you.»

«You’re welcome, honey.»